How to Be Irresistible to Colleges

We’ve all seen it in the movies: the passionate embrace, the steamy
kiss on the beach, the slow-mo dating montage set to romantic
music. And, as we all know, these movie depictions are exactly how
relationships play out in reality—just as we know that once we get into
the one and only college for us, our lives will be fi lled with happiness
forever and all time.
Okay, you might note the sarcastic tone, but there’s a reason for it.
We’ve seen even the most jaded students get caught up in the whole,
“If I only make it into Hubba Bubba University, then my life really will
be complete. I just know it.” This attitude about college is an attitude
that says something about the very essence of human nature itself: we
want the things that are just out of reach. We imagine that once we
attain the car/stereo/school/job, then we’ll be happy, and everything
will fall into place.
Some big-name researchers in the fi elds of psychology, sociology,
and economics are now quantifying and confi rming this very notion—
that people want to want. Most people seem eternally stuck in “unsatisfi
ed” mode; indeed, dissatisfaction seems part of our very essence.
Which gets us back to the divorce thing. Along with the high rate
of college transfers. And the scary number of middle-aged guys buying
red Porsches.
Don’t worry, though; this opening salvo isn’t intended as any sort
of treatise on spirituality in the modern world. It’s only meant, rather,
to force us all to examine ourselves and our motivations a little more
closely. What is it we want, and why do we want it—in the romantic
world, in a college, or in anything, for that matter?
At this very moment, you need to throw out any glamorous visions
you have about college. Think it’s easy? Think you have a realistic view
of colleges and the whole admission process already? Ask yourself this:
Have you ever used the word “prestige” when talking about schools? If
you have, then you’ve already bought into the hype. If you look up the
word in the Oxford English Dictionary, you’ll discover that the defi nition
we typically use today (“blinding or dazzling infl uence; magic; glamour;
infl uence or reputation derived from previous character, achievements
or success”) is merely a secondary meaning. The word actually
comes from the Latin “praestigium,” meaning, quite simply, “illusion,”
with its full defi nition being “illusion, conjuring trick; a deception, an
imposture.” And the adjective “prestigious” doesn’t fare any better if
examined a little more closely: “practicing juggling or legerdemain;
cheating; deceptive, illusory.” So the next time someone tells you he’s
only looking at “prestigious” colleges, you can just smile to yourself
because you know better.
But hey, you’re thinking, who cares about a little-known piece of
etymological history?
The hype, however, goes much deeper. The oft-quoted U.S.
News & World Report college rankings seem scientifi cally sound. After
all, just look at the impressive rows of statistics lined up neatly, one
after another. Such graphics and numbers certainly wouldn’t lie, right?
Right?? But if you study those same numbers carefully, they’ll shift
before your very eyes.