Subject NEWSLETTER 4 - WORLD'S HIGHEST FORMAL DINNER by galenbarbour

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									Subject: NEWSLETTER 4 - WORLD'S HIGHEST FORMAL DINNER


Roll up for the next edition celebrating the adventures of the world's
daftest dinners !

Formal Dinners Celebrate Nepali New Year of 2061 :

The team are delighted to confirm that even in 2061 white tie is still
the satorial choice of any sophisticated gentleman (and air guitar
still a winner with the ladies, and even the Director of the UNDP's
Nepal project, who was up doing the Roadhouse Blues in spite of his
somewhat inappropriate attire). With crumpled wing-collars, the team
finally collapsed into bed aware that the next time they celebrated the
2061 New Year would be with old age pensioner passes and horlicks.

Formal Dinners prove their silky skills in absurdity by overshooting
Tibet altogether :

Hazy-headed from the New Year revellry, the team donned white tie and
headed to Kathmandu¡'s airport for the flight up onto the roof of the
world, Tibet. Little did they realise that Air China's aircrew would be
so impressed with their dashing appearance that international air rules
would be thrown to the wind in order to bring this splendid display of
etiquette to China¡'s mainland cities. Courtesy of Air China, the team
were rerouted 1,500km and an entire mountain range away from the
Tibetan capital Lhasa, apparently due to bad weather (though the team
suspect that poor etiquette over airline meals may also have been
responsible) in order that their magnificent looks could be displayed
in Chengdu, capital of Sichuan province.

If you want to go down as a holder of the decade's most daft world
record, a series of testing trials and tribulations are inevitable. But
the team had little idea of the challenges that the gods of formal
dining have decreed as requisite to test the resolve and mettle of this
expedition. Four mind-numbingly identical days were spent as follows :

l 4:58 : piercing phone call from hotel reception : "GET UP ! GO LHASA
FIVE O'CLOCK !"
l 5:00 : stagger to reception in white tie (all baggage still witheld
by Air China)
l 5:00 - 6: 00 : wait in cold for bus to arrive (coffee, you must be
joking !)
l 6:00 : board bus for airport
l 6:01 : sprint off bus to relieve dysentry from prior night's
complimentary food
l 6:10 : back on bus
l 6:15 : change to new bus
l 6:30 : depart for airport
l 7:00 - 10:30 : check-in, security, wait in lounge, and at all costs
avoid airport chilli noodles
l 10:30 : board plane (Yippee !!)
l 11:00 - 14:00 : take off, fly to Lhasa, circle Lhasa to get a good
view of where you dream to be, turn around, return to Chengdu (Aaagh !) l 14:30
: greeted (again) by airport staff and bus to new hotel l 15:30 - 18:00 : check
in to new hotel, scout area unsuccessfully for
any alternative food, fail to recover baggage from airport officials l 18:00 :
complimentary dinner (necessary for 6:01 schedule for next
day !)
l 19:00 : team vote that only means of staying sane is to taxi into
city centre bars
l 12:00 - 1:00 : scout Chegdu district in taxi trying to find current
hotel

Formal Dinners get back on track by hijiacking Air China Boeing 727 :

The days were ticking by ... dreams of summiting the mountain were
being steadily reduced into dreams of ever getting into Tibet in the
first place ... - team members were falling by the wayside with illness
... - attempts were made to hire jeeps, private planes or rickshaws in
order to get on our way ... - in short, desperate action was needed !

After yet another fly-by over Lhasa (the fourth), Formal Dinners
stemmed rising anger and confronted airline officials over the enforced
holiday in Chengdu. The response floored even the most experienced of
the team : "I know you westerners think that Lhasa is very beautiful,
but Chengdu is really very nice : maybe you would like to see more of
the city" ?!.

It was time for mass action, passing port to the right, and unbuttoning
collar studs. The next day, after the fifth Lhasa fly-by and return to
Chengdu, a consensus of exhausted and angry passengers staged a formal
sit-in on the plane, with all passengers refusing to leave their seats
and a petition being passed around calling for immediate refueling and
swift delivery to Lhasa (albeit that this worthy international petition
was inscribed on the only available paper on the plane : three spare
sick bags).

It worked ! The team sang the adventures of Captain Beaky to a
delighted audience as Air China promptly obliged, refueled and then
miraculously landed in Lhasa, ending a formal hijacking that Ghandi
himself would have been proud of (children, do not try this at home :
you have no idea how ludicrous it looks attempting a hijack in white
tie with nothing more threatening than a wilted carnation).

The team are currently relaxing in Lhasa and undertaking the
Guns'n'Roses altitude acclimatisation test : if you can play air guitar
to the whole of Appetite for Destruction at full volume first thing in
the morning, you ain't got altitude sickness. Seven members of the team
have passed with scorched guitar strings, the other three just can't
stand G'n'R !

... next stop, Everest !!

"Quick men", said Beaky, "No delay ! We mustn't let them get away !"
And leaping up said "Follow me !" and ran head-first into a tree.

								
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