football 472561 by mani911


									The Religion of Football

<p>Here in Alabama, there are three classes of people: Alabama Crimson
Tide fans, Auburn Tiger fans, and atheists. Two of the three will go to
Hell when they die. Which two depends entirely on who you
ask.</p><p>Those Alabamians who like football but have no particular team
preference are called, "agnostics." It is the hope of the faithful that
someday these poor, pathetic souls will purchase an Alabama jacket or be
given an Auburn cap and thereby experience the joy of committing
themselves to a particular team. Until then, they are considered social
and recreational outcasts. To pray for them is all that we can
do.</p><p>Why all the religious references in a column that's supposed to
be about football? Because religion and football are closely entwined, my
friend, with much more in common than you may think. Note this passage
from the Big Playbook of St. Gipper, recently discovered in a dark
basement on the campus of Notre Dame University.</p><p>The passage reads:
"And on the seventh day God created football and all was right with the
world... until Satan brought forth the referees..."</p><p>It is
impossible to believe in college football without also believing in a
Higher Power. Here in Alabama - and in a whole lot of other places -
football is a religion. To some, it is the only religion. Blasphemy, you
say? I don't think so. More prayers are said and answered during the
average college football game than in most churches during a month of
Sundays. That explains why evangelists love to hold revivals in football
stadiums. The mood has already been set. The congregation holds season
tickets.</p><p>Consider this: Alabama has been getting a lot of national
press lately because of two things:</p><p><ol>(1) The quality (or lack
thereof) of the University of Alabama's football team and<br>(2) Moral
stands being taken and legal battles being waged by Alabamians over the
separation of church and state. Football and religion. Religion and
football. And on we go.</ol></p><p>Playing offense for God in Alabama are
folks like the high school students who walked out of class because they
weren't allowed a moment of prayer before a math test. Personally, I'd
rather have my teenagers saying prayers in school classrooms than singing
rap songs and riding around in loud cars. I do think these young people
are limiting themselves, though. When I was in school we prayed before
EVERY test, not just math.</p><p>Then there's Judge Roy Moore, one of
God's team captains, if you will. Moore is the Alabama judge who has a
plaque of the Ten Commandments hanging on the wall in his courtroom. The
Supreme Court has ordered the plaque to be taken down, but our beloved
governor, Fob "I'm The Law In These Parts" James, has said that he'll
send in the National Guard to make sure the plaque stays up. You can call
this beefing up the defense.</p><p>Which brings up another question: if
Alabama secedes from the Union because of ACLU and NCAA oppression, does
that make Fob our king? If so, I think that's more than reason enough not
to secede. King Fob. Sounds like a giant gorilla with a speech
impediment, doesn't it.</p><p>Back to the subject at hand, I think the
opinion that football has become a bonafide religion is further attested
to by the fact that no one has yet tried to shove a legal crowbar between
organized religion and organized college football. Maybe they realize how
futile their efforts would be. Or maybe they're just afraid of divine
retribution. I understand Bear Bryant and Shug Jordan were not men to be
crossed while they were here on earth. God forbid some heretic ACLU
lawyer upset them now.</p><p>When the Universities of Alabama and Auburn
play one another as they did last weekend, the faithful drop whatever
they're doing and flock to the game like wise men chasing a far off star.
The entire state stands still. Try finding a washing machine repairman or
an emergency room doctor during an Alabama/Auburn game. They are nowhere
to be found. You may die in dirty clothes, but that's what you get for
not attending the big game.</p><p>The ending of this year's Iron Bowl
was, as it always is, of apocalyptic proportions. In the final moments of
the game, just before the buzzer sounded to signal the end, everyone's
faith was put to the test. As the clock ticked down - 6... 5... 4... 3...
2... 1... you were either devoutly for Alabama or had completely given
your life to Auburn.</p><p>There was no "Atheist" section in these
stands.</p><p>Amen.</p><p>Tim Knox, Entrepreneur, Author, Speaker, Radio
Host Founder, The Insiders Club, Giving You The Power To Start Your
Business Today <a target="_new"
Bestselling Author of: "Everything I Know About Business I Learned From
My Mama" <a target="_new"

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