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Sample Personal Statement - Download as PowerPoint - PowerPoint

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Sample Personal Statement document sample

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									The Scholarship Essay


And the Writing Process

Jennifer McBride & Vincent Piro
The Writing Process
   Step One: Triggering and Analyzing the
    Situation
   Step Two: Gathering and Brainstorming
   Step Three: Shaping by Writing an
    Outline
   Step Four: Writing Your Rough Draft
   Step Five: Revising the Content
   Step Six: Editing Grammatical and
    Mechanical Errors
Step One: Triggering and Analyzing the Situation
Step One: Triggering and Analyzing the
Situation

   Usually, the desire for financial
    assistance triggers your need to
    write a personal statement as part a
    scholarship process.
   The goal of a personal statement is
    to convince someone that you are
    worthy to be granted a scholarship
    or receive financial aid.
Discussion

   What might be some other reasons
    for applying for a scholarship?
Audience
   It is important to consider the audience of
    your personal statement.
       Are you writing to a national scholarship
        committee?
       Are you writing to a state-wide scholarship
        committee?
       Are you writing to a local scholarship committee?
   Research the organization giving the
    scholarship for which you are applying.
    Who is offering the scholarship? Who are
    the judges? For what is the organization
    known? What is the organization’s mission?
Activity

   In groups, list what you think are
    the characteristics of an AGS
    scholarship reader (advisors from
    the various schools). List what you
    think his or her background might.
    List what you think he or she values
    most. List what you think he or she
    will value in your personal
    statement.
Step Two: Gathering and Brainstorming
Carefully Analyze the Directions
   If you are to write following a specific set of
    directions, then carefully read the
    directions several times.
      Are there different parts to the
       directions?
      Are you asked to provide different types
       of information about yourself?
   Divide the question into its parts and make
    an exhaustive list or cluster that answers
    each part of the question.
Example

   Discuss how your interest in your
    field or major developed and
    describe your experience in the
    field – such as volunteer work or
    internships – and what you gained
    from this involvement.
   There are three parts to these
    directions, each highlighted above.
Activity
   AGS Kathleen D. Loly Scholarship
    Directions:
        a one or two page autobiographical
        essay by the applicant that includes
        information about who the applicant is
        and what the applicant hopes to
        accomplish.
   Group Discussion: How many parts
    are there to the directions above?
    What are they?
Activity
   AGS Ed Walsh Award Directions:
        a one or two page statement by the
        applicant . . . This statement must include not
        only what the applicant has contributed to
        AGS, the campus, and the community, but also
        how involvement with AGS has affected the
        applicant.
   Group Discussion: How many parts are
    there to the directions above? What are
    they?
General Questions for
Brainstorming
   What's special, unique, distinctive, and/or impressive about you or
    your life story?

   What details of your life (personal or family problems, history, people
    or events that have shaped you or influenced your goals) might help
    the committee better understand you or help set you apart from other
    applicants?

   When did you become interested in this field and what have you
    learned about it (and about yourself) that has further stimulated your
    interest and reinforced your conviction that you are well suited to this
    field? What insights have you gained?

   What are your career goals?

   Have you had to overcome any unusual obstacles or hardships (for
    example, economic, familial, or physical) in your life?

   What personal characteristics (for example. integrity. compassion.
    persistence) do you possess that would improve your prospects for
    success in the field or profession? Is there a way to demonstrate or
    document that you have these characteristics?

From Purdue’s OWL.
   <http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/pw/p_perstate.html>
Activity

   Freewriting: Spend a few minutes
    answering the following question
    based on the AGS Loly Scholarship:
    Who are you and what do you hope
    to accomplish?
Step 3: Shaping/Organizing Your Personal Statement
Organization


   There are three parts to a personal
    Statement:
       The Introduction
       The Body Paragraphs
       The Conclusion
The Introduction
   Introduction : Many personal
    statements begin with a catchy opening,
    often a distinctive personal example, as a
    way of gaining the reader's attention.
    From there you can connect the example
    to the actual scholarship for which you
    are applying. Mention the specific name
    of the, as well as the degree you are
    seeking, in the first paragraph.
Adapted from Indiana University’s Tutorial Services
    <http://www.indiana.edu/~wts/wts/perstate.html>.
           Body Paragraphs
   Detailed Supporting Paragraphs:
        Subsequent paragraphs should address any
         specific questions from the application,
         which might deal with your own
         qualifications or your long-term goals or
         some combination.
        Each paragraph should be focused and
         should have a topic sentence that informs
         the reader of the paragraph's emphasis.
        The examples from your experience must
         be relevant and should support your
         argument about your qualifications.
Adapted from Indiana University’s Tutorial Services <http://www.indiana.edu/~wts/wts/perstate.html>.
           The Conclusion
   Conclusion: Tie together the various issues that you
    have raised in the essay, and reiterate your interest in
    receiving the scholarship. You might also mention how
    receiving this scholarship will be a step towards a long-
    term goal in a closing paragraph.




Adapted from Indiana University’s Tutorial Services <http://www.indiana.edu/~wts/wts/perstate.html>.
An Outline

   Turning your brainstorming into an
    informal outline may help you
    organize your thoughts and make
    sure you have addressed all parts of
    the directions
Example
1.   Introduction: mention that I need a scholarship to
     University of San Diego because I want to be a
     teacher. USD has an excellent School of
     Education.
2.   Body Paragraph: Mention how I have always
     wanted to be a teacher since junior high when I
     tutored elementary students.
3.   Body Paragraph: Mention that I have experience
     as a teacher’s assistant in Mr. Smith’s biology
     class.
4.   Conclusion: Note that my desire and experience
     make be an ideal student for USD.
Activity
   Create an outline for the following
    directions: a one or two page statement by the
    applicant . . . This statement must include not only
    what the applicant has contributed to AGS, the
    campus, and the community, but also how
    involvement with AGS has affected the applicant.

       Introduction:
       Body Paragraph:
       Body Paragraph:
       Conclusion:
Step 4: Drafting your Personal Statement
Drafting

   Write several drafts of your
    personal statement:
       Using your outline as a guide
       Working within the word limitations
       Following an special formatting
        directions given on the application.
Step 5: Revising and Editing
Revise
   As you revise your essay:
       Cut out any repetitious ideas or words.
       Add in examples and details that make
        your experiences stand out from other
        applicants.
       Change the order of paragraphs so that
        your most interesting ideas and best
        writing are at the beginning and end.
       Replace irrelevant information that
        does not address the directions with
        relevant information that stays focused
        on the directions.
Editing
   Edit several times for the following:
       Spelling errors
       Grammar errors
       Punctuation errors
       Typos
       Contractions and abbreviations
   Have several other people proofread
    your work, preferably a
    professional, such as a teacher.
Activity
   Revise and Edit Correct the
    statement below
    My interest in science date back to my year in h. s., where I in
    physics, chemistry, and math. When I was a sr, I took calculus
    course at a local college and earned good grade. It seemed
    only logic that I pursue a career in electrical.
    ...

    I am highly aware of the rebutation of your school, and my
    conversation with several of your former students have served
    to deepen my interest in attending. In addition to your
    excellent faculty, your computer facilities among the best in
    the state. I hope you me the this scolarship from your
    university so that I may persue my studies at your fine
    institution.
Corrected Version

 My interest in science dates back to my years at Merced High
 School, where I excelled in physics, chemistry, and math.
 When I was a senior, I took a first-year calculus course at a
 local college, Merced College, and earned an A. It seemed
 only logical that I pursue a career in electrical engineering.
 ...

 I am highly aware of the superb reputation of the University
 of Nevada, and my conversations with several of your alumni
 have served to deepen my interest in attending. I know that,
 in addition to your excellent faculty, your computer facilities
 are among the best in the state. I hope you will award me the
 this scholarship from your university so that I may pursue my
 studies at your fine institution.
More, More, More
Provide All Materials
   Often scholarships will ask for
    additional materials:
       Transcripts
       Lists of Accomplishments or Awards
       Letters of Recommendation
   Be sure to include all materials in
    the application packet, or more than
    likely, your application will be
    rejected.
AGS List for Ed Walsh Service Award

   A list of the applicant's service to AGS,
    the campus, and the community during
    semesters the applicant has been a
    member of AGS. This list must summarize
    the major accomplishments semester by
    semester and give an overall impression
    of what the applicant has contributed to
    AGS, as well as the campus and
    community. Include estimates of the total
    hours spent on various activities.
Analysis

   List the requirements of this list:

1.
2.
3.
4.
Example

 FromMerced College
 Walsh Service Award
 Winner
Resources
Writing the Personal Statement. Purdue
  University. 22 Mar. 2004
  <http://owl.english.purdue.edu/
  handouts/pw/p_perstate.html>.
Personal Statements and Application
  Letters. Indiana University. 22>. Mar.
  2004.<http://www.indiana.
  edu/~wts/wts/perstate.html>.
With a special thank you to Roberta Rivera
  (Puente Project, UCOP)

								
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