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                Photo 1: Fred (Alexander Ebeert), Lea (Birgit Stöger), and Naomi (Eva Spott).


                                                                               TheatreForum 61
“I started a joke which started the whole world crying.”
                                                                                                                -THE BEE GEES
                                                  heritage: what you guys can hear in           one room.
                                                  the background isn’t ambient techno—          FRED: But that’s what it sounds like.
                                                  you won’t get that on this station—           Because we can’t keep out of each
                                                  it’s the printer of someone I’ve been         other’s way, apparently.
A one bedroom apartment, furnished
                                                  friends with for years. He’s well past        LEA: But it’s true, we can’t.
haphazardly. On the left a small dining
                                                  thirty, this friend of mine, and by now       FRED: But it sounds small. And that’s
table and an improvised kitchen. On
                                                  he’s spent about fifteen years typing         boring. It’s private. No one wants to
the right a sleeping-area. In the middle
                                                  words into a computer, and today, that        know. Come on, you’ve got imagination.
a small computer work-station with a
                                                  is, during this hour and presumably           You could tell them we’re in some huge
sound mixing deck, and on the wall,
                                                  during the next one too—and this              rooms, a palace, a tree house in Haiti,
makeshift shelves with books and CDs.
                                                  even though he knows that right now           whatever. Something nice.
Overhead, a kind of skylight. Fred and
                                                  I’ve been invited into the homes of           LEA: That won’t work if the printer’s
Lea are each working separately in one
                                                  hundreds of listeners, even though            making noise in the background.
corner of the room. Fred is trying to
                                                  I’ve got down on my knees and begged          FRED: So say you’re in the offices of
get a sense of the progress of his work.
                                                  him not to do it—at this very moment          a media company. I mean, anything’s
The printer continuously spits out one
                                                  he’s printing out all the characters          better than telling them what’s really
page after another. There is already a
                                                  he’s painstakingly put together and is        going on here.
great mass of paper piled up next to the
                                                  making sure you can only understand           LEA: Why? What’s so bad about us?
printer. Lea is moderating her internet
                                                  every other word I’m saying. But he           FRED: Nothing. I just want to be able
broadcast. She’s sitting at her PC,
                                                  who seeks to harm others does harm            to go out without people knowing what
wearing a headset similar to those used
                                                  to himself. And now I’ll play you a           color my underwear is.
by pilots in the cockpit. The Bee Gees’ “I
                                                  fitting waltz by Paul Misraki from that       LEA: You don’t love me.
started a joke” can be heard from Lea’s
                                                  wonderful movie Alphaville.                   FRED: Exactly. “I despise you, you
monitor. Lea is reading a book. Then she
                                                  Lea lets the music play for a moment and      make me sick.”
fades out the music.
                                                  then turns down the sound on the monitor.     LEA: You don’t love me.
                                                  FRED: What’s that you’re saying?              FRED: Yes. Exactly.
LEA: “Hence he who seeks to harm
                                                  LEA: I’ve told you a thousand times: you      They laugh. Fred hugs Lea, gives her a
others does harm to himself, and the
                                                  can’t print when I’m doing a broadcast.       kiss, picks her up, turns around and then
writer who dallies over his opening
                                                  FRED: But that’s no reason to make            puts her back down. They kiss again.
will bring the work to naught.” Thus
                                                  our private life public. Nobody has to        FRED: I bought this really expensive
spoke old Democritus way back when,
                                                  know we’ve only got one room, and             wine. (Lea smiles at him.) No idea why
and now, in spite of that, or perhaps
                                                  a small one at that. No one needs to          I’m buying wine.
precisely because of it, I have to say a
                                                  know I even e
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