FAMILY ADVOCACY PROGRAM

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                                FAMILY ADVOCACY PROGRAM




                                                                                                   Volume 4 Issue 1
                                                                                                   Oct/Nov/Dec 2008




By Paula Tracy, Family Advocacy Outreach Manager        Based on the book The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers by Ken R. Canfield,
                                                        Tyndale House Publishers, 2001.

Well first off, it’s pretty obvious   wasn’t supposed to change                   strongest predictor of the child’s
that I’m not a dad. But that          diapers, soothe hurt feelings, or           success or failure with school
doesn’t mean I don’t have a clue      dry tears.      But times have              and friends. I’m certainly not
about what dads, and only dads,       changed, and now we do things               saying that fathers are more
have the capability to contribute     differently! Studies show that              important, or better parents
to the nurturing and upbringing       kids with dads’ active in their             than mothers, they’re just a
of their children. Over the years     care are more likely to become              different type of parent. And
I have interacted with countless      empathetic,        compassionate            kids benefit from having both of
families—those in which fathers       adults.      Dads who interact              them—active, interested, warm,
were active and involved, others      warmly with their children                  and loving, as they develop and
in which the children had             create offspring who are more               evolve      into      increasingly
virtually no contact with their       likely to have healthy adult                functional and independent
male parent. And it is clear that     social relationships. And, the              human beings.
dad’s involvement isn’t just “nice    father’s relationship with the              According to Dr. Ken Canfield,
to have”--it’s crucial. Social        child, not the mother’s, is the             President of the National Center
scientists used to believe that the                                               for Fathering, there are seven
mother-child relationship was                                                     “secrets” that truly effective
the central one, while that of the          Inside this Issue                     fathers know and practice. Let’s
father-child was peripheral. The                                                  take a look at what they are:
supporting actor role, if you will.      Secrets of Effective Fathers 1      1.   Commitment.         Commitment
When I was growing up my                 FAN Mail                    4            comes in two forms—dedication
father filled his supporting role                                                 and constraint.        Dedication
quite well; he was the provider          Magic? Miracle? No, it’s    6            commitment is that rush of
                                         a Reflex!
and the occasional disciplinarian                                                 emotion when you look at your
(for     the       really     major      Desperately Seeking Susan   7            newborn baby, vowing “I’ll
infractions!). He drove off to                                                    always be there for you”.
some mysterious place called                                                      Constraint commitment is the
                                         “Jen”-erally Speaking       9
“the office” each morning,                                                        more obligatory type, the “of
returned home that evening to a          Kids Korner                 10           course I’ll change your diaper;
cooked dinner, watched Walter                                                     it’s not like you can change it
Cronkite, then read the paper.                                                    yourself!”      Factor in the
That was what society (and my                                                     commitment required of day
mother) expected him to do. He                                                    in/day out, year in/year out
                                                                                                   Page |2

parenting, and you’ve got the        movie, book, or music? Do you         providing that effective dads’ will
idea. A father who willingly         know how to tell if she’s had a       always do: responding to family
dedicates himself to this while      bad day? Do you ever spend            crises, and making sure that
proudly proclaiming to anyone
                                     time with your kids on their turf,    their children have adequate
within earshot that “Yes, these
are MY children!” provides those     at their level? It can offer up a     food, shelter, and healthcare.
kids a very deep sense of            whole new perspective on your         Loving Their Mother.           The
belonging, safety, and home.         kid’s life.                           main benefit to kids whose
Perhaps it makes not being           Consistency. When it comes to         parents have a strong marital
picked for the team at recess just   being       an     effective   dad,   interaction is that of security.
a little bit easier to take.         consistency is comprised of           The parents are the leaders of
                                     regularity and predictability.        the household, and even the
                                     Quite simply, your kids know          littlest kids are pros at reading
                                     what to expect when they see          “cues”. Mom and dad seem
                                     and talk to you. You aren’t going     relaxed and happy?        The kids
                                     to punish them today for a            will     know     and      respond
                                     behavior       that    you   found    accordingly. Unspoken tension
                                     amusing yesterday.            Your    in the air? Expect some acting
                                     expectations of them are clear,       out.       Don’t be afraid to
                                     and your parental role is also        demonstrate your affection for
                                     clearly defined.       You are in     your wife in front of the kids—
                                     control of your own behavior,         it’s good for them to see (within
Knowing Your Child.           This
                                     moods, and morality—in other          reason, of course!). Even in a
starts with a basic understanding
                                     words—a 24/7 role model. You          divorce situation, a lot can be
of child development—what’s
                                     keep your word. Last but not          gained by consistently respecting
normal, and what’s not. All kids
                                     least, every time you walk out of     your ex-wife, never undermining
go         through         general
                                     that door, they believe you will      her to the kids, and trying to
developmental phases that result
                                     be coming back, that you aren’t       continue to work together in the
in mastery of new skills (rolling
                                     going to just abandon them.           kids’ best interests. Remember,
over, speech development, potty
                                     That is a tremendous comfort for      no matter what happened within
training,     starting     school,
                                     a child.                              the parental relationship, this is
learning to drive!), which then
                                     Protecting and Providing.             about being an effective father.
lead to yet more skills to refine.
                                     Back in the pioneer days, dads        Active Listening.       Forget the
Have an idea of what your child
                                     sure juggled a lot of action,         old adage we grew up with.
is experiencing developmentally
                                     didn’t they? Their days were          Children need to be seen and
by reading books, asking
                                     packed with the grueling work of      heard.        When they are
questions when you talk to other
                                     hunting enough food to keep           little chatterboxes it’s so easy to
parents, and for older kids, reach
                                     their families alive through          want to block them out,
back into your memory to
                                     rough winters, keeping constant       especially when we have a zillion
remember what you were like at
                                     watch for hostile adversaries,        things on our minds and we have
that age. Which leads to the
                                     chopping wood, constructing           already heard their story a dozen
next part: know your child as an
                                     adequate shelter, and tending         times.     Try to remember that
individual. What are her likes?
                                     any livestock.         These days,    you are the center of his world;
Dislikes? What are the names of
                                     fathers’ jobs are hopefully less      you are like a super hero to him.
his closest friends? Who does
                                     demanding, but there are two          Your attention and approval is
she admire? What’s his favorite
                                     main types of protecting and          the ultimate. As kids mature
                                                                                              Page |3

and start coming to you with          children and allow them to “pick
problems, resist the urge to solve    your brain”. Be the kind of                         Recipe Corner
them! I know, I know—it would         father you can be proud of.
                                                                                    Onion Sausage Squares
all be so much easier. But kids,
especially girls, usually don’t
                                                 Staff News
                                                                                    1lb Ground pork sausage
want to be told what to do, they                                                    1 large onion
just want you to listen. Active         Departures                                  2 cups Bisquick
listening means facing your                                                         ¾ cup milk
                                        Capt Robert Greiman ~ Capt Greiman
child, turning off the television,                                                  2 eggs
                                        was the Family Advocacy Officer for         ¼ tsp salt
maintaining good eye contact.           the past eighteen months and has now        ¼ tsp paprika
Try to settle yourself at the same      moved to the triangle. He was a GREAT       1 ½ cups sour cream
level as your child. Lean toward        asset to the team and will be truly
her, and pay attention to               missed!                                     Cook sausage and onions
nonverbal—they are a wealth of                                                      till done. Drain.
information.       Give lots of         SSgt Anita Garcia ~ SSgt Garcia has         Combine Bisquick, 1 egg
nonverbal feedback by nodding,          been with Family Advocacy for the past      and milk – mix well.
raising your eyebrows, using                                                        Spread in greased 13/9/2
                                        seven months. She received
facial    expressions.         And                                                  inch baking dish/pan. Top
                                        unexpected orders to become a Mental        with sausage and onion.
remember, the goal is to                Health Technician Instructor at
understand, not solve.                  Sheppard AFB. She is recently married,      Combine sour cream, salt
Spiritual Equipping.           This     has a son, loves to watch Disney movies,    and 1 egg – mix well and
“secret” doesn’t necessarily have       and is looking forward to her new           spread over sausage.
anything to do with attending a         adventure as an instructor!                 Sprinkle with Paprika
specific church, unless you want                                                    (optional) and bake in
                                                                                    preheated 350 degree oven
it to. More importantly, it has to      Arrivals
do with you coming to terms                                                         for 30 minutes….
                                        1st Lt Kara Wisniewski ~ Lt Wisniewski
with the kind of moral role             is taking Capt Greiman’s place as the
model you want to be for your           Family Advocacy Officer. She comes to
kids, taking an honest personal         us from Pittsburgh, PA. Her experience         Family Advocacy Staff
inventory (this is a tough one!),       ranges from working with adults with          1 Lt Kara Wisniewski, LCSW, BCD
and getting yourself to the point       developmental disabilities and mental
                                                                                           Family Advocacy Officer

where you are spiritually               illnesses as well as with children on the       SSgt Anita Garcia-McClintock
                                                                                                   NCOIC
equipped to lead your children          autism spectrum. She is a diehard
in their own spiritual journey.         Steelers fan, loves Italian food, and has
                                                                                            SrA Ismael Ramirez
                                                                                          Mental Health Technician
See, if you don’t step up and lead      two cats (Max and Macy).
                                                                                           Donna Gibson, MSN
your children in their spiritual                                                         New Parent Support Nurse
exploration, somebody else will.        SrA Ismael Ramirez ~ SrA Ramirez                 Susan Pyles, LCSW, BCD
And I can guarantee that some           comes to us from Mental Health. He is            Jennifer Nicholson, LCSW
                                                                                            Treatment Managers
of those “volunteers” out there         from central California and loves to
will not be thinking of your            wakeboard and watch movies. He has
                                                                                            Paula Tracy, LCSW
                                                                                            Outreach Manager
child’s best interest.          So      two dogs and one cat. He loves pasta
                                                                                               Michelle Orso
encourage them to ask questions         and is trying get in shape for next                   Victim Advocate
and provide them access to              summer’s bikini contest on highway 90.                  Tracy Myers
spiritually motivating books.                                                                Program Assistant
Discuss your beliefs with your
                                                                                                Page |4

             Donna Gibson, Family
    Advocacy Nurse answers your questions in




Dear FAN,                           they can sleep part of the time.        Window          shades/beach
We are planning road trips to       If not, then leave after a nap or        towel
visit our families over the         in the morning. Don’t be fooled
holidays.      The thought of                                               Changes of clothes
                                    into thinking they will behave
driving 8 hours or more with an     differently in the car just             Small toys and books
infant and an active toddler is     because it’s a special occasion
making me very stressed and         for travel. Consider stopping for       Music
nervous. What ideas can you         breaks if it is a very long trip
offer to help make traveling with   (10-12 hours).       Remember--         Food, snacks, drinks for
them less stressful and more        toddlers need to move! The               baby/toddler and adults
enjoyable?                          longer they are strapped into a
                                    car seat the fussier they tend to       Sippy cups
The Road Runners                    become. Make sure you factor            Cooler
                                    in      time    for    unplanned
                                    “surprises”. A diaper explosion         Wet wipes
Dear Road Runners,                  that requires a complete change
So…the families want to see the     of clothes, wiping the car seat         Plastic bag for trash and
new baby and toddler and they       down and soothing inconsolable           dirty diapers
expect you to make the trip! To     crying can add an extra 45
Grandmother’s house we go!                                                  Bottle warmer
                                    minutes. Bring along several
There is no doubt that a long       changes of clothes for each             Duct tape???
road trip with a baby and or        child, and don’t forget a change
toddler on board takes a            for yourself in case things get a   Window shades or beach towels
considerable      amount       of   little messy.                       keep the sun out of baby’s eyes
planning. But it can be done                                            and help create a darker, more
and most of all----it can even be                                       nap inducing atmosphere. Bring
FUN!                                                                    a cooler for drinks and formula,
Be proactive in making trip                                             plus a bottle warmer that plugs
decisions; make things happen                                           into the cigarette lighter, if
instead of simply letting them                                          needed. Bring plenty of snacks
happen.           Contemplating                                         that are not too messy,
situations that can arise by                                            baby/toddler friendly music on
asking yourself a few questions     Make a checklist of everything      tape or CD, books to read to
and coming up with a solution       you need to make the trip           baby, small toys that are new or
ahead of time can help make         pleasant.                           simply forgotten favorites, and a
your trip happy and successful.          Well stocked diaper bag       special “lovey”.         Consider
Does your baby/toddler sleep                                            having one adult ride in the back
well in the car? If yes, then           Baby blanket
                                                                        seat to keep your baby/toddler
consider planning your travel           Pillow or head support         occupied. If you are nursing a
time to coincide with bedtime so                                        baby it is easiest (and safest!) if
                                                                        you simply pull to a rest stop,
                                                                                             Page |5

take a break and feed the baby.
I have heard of moms who nurse
with the infant strapped in the
car seat while dad’s going 75
miles an hour. In my opinion,
those      moms        must     be
contortionists!                       By Paula Tracy, LCSW
Stay flexible. When traveling
with babies/toddlers even the         October is, among other things, Domestic Violence Awareness
best laid plans can be disrupted.     Month. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with all of the worthy
Try to stay relaxed, accept           causes we’re urged to remember, and tempting to just ignore
changes, and go with the flow.        them altogether. But don’t! Let me explain why.
Keep a sense of humor! Babies
                                      Before I became a Family Advocacy Outreach Manager I
and toddlers can sense when you
                                      worked for many years as a clinician (I won’t tell you how
are stressed out and it stresses
                                      many!). Some time ago, working as a Treatment Manager at
them out too! Stop when you
need to and avoid trying to push      another base, I was referred an amazing young woman. Now,
“just a little farther”. A crying     we have all met thousands of people in our professional lives.
baby in the car can make the          Yet there are those who will always stand out—for whatever
driver nervous and distracted.        reason—they sear themselves indelibly into our hearts and
Oh, and why the duct tape? No,        brains. She was one of these people. I learned that she had
it’s not for what you think! But      born into a family that valued males; she was the youngest of
it does have 1001 uses. If you        four and the only girl. Throughout her childhood, she was
suspect grandma has not child         emotionally abused by being told that she had never been
proofed, the duct tape works          wanted, was unloved, and would never amount to anything
great as a cover for electrical       worthwhile. She was physically abused by both parents and
outlets!                              frequently by her older brothers, as well. She was sexually
Heading home, organize as well        abused by her father, grandfather, and brothers. Last, because
as you did the trip out. Think        her needs were inferior to everyone else’s, she often wore dirty
about lessons learned that might      and ill-fitting clothes, went without medical care, and didn’t
make the trip home even easier.       get enough to eat. Sounds like she should have been a mess,
Is there something you wish           doesn’t it? But this girl possessed an inner strength that was
you’d brought but didn’t?             unreal; she separated herself from that family by constantly
Could you have done anything          reminding herself that it was about them, not her. She buried
smarter? Did you find yourself        herself in her academics so she could spend extra time at
or spouse saying, “I wish we          school; as a result, she was an above average student. She set
would have…”? Now is the time
                                      her sights on completing high school, knowing that graduation
to make the changes so the road
                                      meant freedom. In short—this young woman thought like a
to home is pleasant and relaxed!
                                      survivor, NOT a victim. Upon graduation she attended a job
Also, if you happen to be
traveling by plane, Google a site     fair at which an Air Force recruiter spoke with her about
called “Gentle Baby Care” by          joining—explained that she would meet people who would
Elizabeth Pantley. It has some        remain friends for a lifetime, told her about the Wingman
great tips on air travel with kids.   philosophy, and that the Air Force becomes like an extended
And Military One source has           family. It sounded like the stable lifestyle she craved, so she
some great ideas for less             joined. She finished tech school, and arrived at her first duty
stressful travel. Have a good         assignment. It wasn’t long before she started dating, and
trip and say hello to grandma for     falling deeply in love, married after three months. Within six
me! Happy travels!!                   months of the wedding, she was referred to Family Advocacy
                                      by the Emergency Room after being treated for severe injuries
                                      caused by domestic violence.               Continued on page 11
                                                                                            Page |6




 By Paula Tracy, LCSW


All    babies cry. That being       According to Dr. Harvey Karp,      practice anyone can become a
said, how much a baby cries is      the UCLA School of Medicine        pro in no time.
a        highly        individual   pediatrician who wrote The             Family Advocacy heartily
characteristic. Some placid         Happiest Baby on the Block (as     recommends Dr. Karp’s book
babies don’t ever seem to have      well as The Happiest Toddler       to expecting and new parents.
a lot to fuss about. We’ve all      on the Block), calming a crying    It can be found at local
overheard     those      enviable   infant requires the knowledge      bookstores,     through      his
moms and dads who proudly           and use of what he calls ―the 5    website, and can often be
proclaim they have an infant        Ss‖.    The ―Ss‖ stand for         available for check out at the
who rarely makes a peep. This       swaddling, side hold, shushing,    library.       The   Outreach
baby just reclines in his little    swinging, and sucking.        He   program has several copies
bouncer seat, solemnly staring      believes that babies actually      that can be signed out on loan,
at the ceiling as though lost in    possess an innate calming          as well as some ―white noise‖
thought, like some pint-size        reflex, and that the reflex is     DVDs that feature fast,
philosopher.     Other parents      activated      when        these   medium, and slower womb
describe what almost sounds         responses, in the proper           sounds (babies love them!), the
like a rabid monster from a         sequence, are provided to a        noise of a hair dryer, and rain
scary movie—―his face was           seemingly inconsolable baby.       falling on a roof. Check one
contorted and a deep shade of       Some infants will immediately      out to see which one your
purple,    arms      and     legs   calm by being swaddled,            newborn prefers! Call 376-
thrashing and kicking at us,        others will be soothed by          3459 for more information.
this bloodcurdling scream that      being swaddled, held in a side
went on and on‖…        Both of     ―football hold‖, and loudly
these infants are entirely          shhhh’d.     And then some
normal,         and        every    babies will need all five steps.
temperament in between is           In his book he writes that
normal, as well.      The good      many parents, exhausted and
news is that if you are one of      discouraged by their well-
those parents who have been         meant but fruitless attempts
blessed (yes, blessed!) with        to soothe their babies, were
one    of    the    more,     uh,   astounded when he calmly                   Never, EVER
demanding babies, there are         picked up their sweaty, red-              shake a baby!!
some      tried     and      true   faced angel and successfully
techniques        that      have    demonstrated the ―Ss‖ to
consistently quieted even the       them. Some believed it to be
most enraged customer.              just short of miraculous. But
                                    he insists that with a little
                                                                                             Page |7




                           Desperately Seeking Susan

                                   they    also   face   some           may be enough of a change
Tips to help children              emotional challenges during          to refocus on the positive.
celebrate holidays when a          the holidays. Fortunately,
parent is deployed.                with a little planning the           3. Celebrate with the
                                   adults in their lives can            deployed person. Even if
It seems like the whole            ensure a holiday season full         your loved one is thousands
country begins to celebrate        of cheer, warmth, and                of miles away, he or she can
the holidays as soon as the        cherished memories.                  still help you celebrate. Send
weather       cools       down.                                         a care package with a special
Everywhere you look there          1. Honor traditions. It is           treat; mail a scrapbook after
will start to be reminders of      important to determine what          the holidays; or ask the
the upcoming season: stores        holiday traditions you cannot        deployed person to send you
will begin decorating with         do without. Even if children         a homemade ornament or
tinsel and garland, strands of     aren’t old enough to help            decoration.
lights will soon be hanging        make the decisions, it is good
from houses and streetlights,      to have them present during          4. Remember what the
advertisements for pictures        this     discussion.      Don't      holidays        are     about.
with Santa will be posted, the     underestimate importance of          Regardless of which holidays
smell of cinnamon and cloves       continuity       and        the      your family celebrates, this
at the grocery store will be       predictability of traditions.        time of year is about
overwhelming, and then the         However,      if  there    are       kindness, caring, love, and
holiday shopping frenzy will       traditions that your family          peace. It is important to focus
begin. It is nearly impossible     could do without, consider           on the things you are grateful
to not notice all of the holiday   skipping them for the year.          for. Teaching children to be
hustle and bustle, but when                                             selfless and to appreciate the
someone you love is absent,        2. Start new traditions.             joy in their lives despite the
those constant reminders can       Honoring       traditions       is   hardships is one of the best
often be painful.                  important, but there's nothing       gifts you can give them.
                                   wrong with starting new ones.
Military children with a           Mix things up a little bit.          5. Have fun! Some families
deployed        parent      are    Again, it is a good idea to          decide to have a few laughs
particularly susceptible to        involve    kids     in     these     during the holiday season to
feelings of sadness during         decisions.     Spending       the    ease the tension. One
the holidays. There’s no           holidays    in    a     different    military family had a picture
doubt military kids can be         location, having a potluck           of their deployed dad blown
resilient and resourceful, but     instead of a sit-down dinner,        up to life size and laminated.
                                   or even camping out on the           They proceeded to include
                                   living room floor one night          him in all of the holiday
                                                                        events. He was in the family
                                                                                              Page |8

holiday photo and even had a       8. Don’t be alone. Military        new military family, donating
place set for him at the dinner    families near or on an             toys, visiting a nursing home,
table. Another family decided      installation have the benefit      or simply vowing to genuinely
to save their big holiday          of having their “military          wish everyone you see a
celebration until dad got          family” nearby, but those that     happy holiday season, this
home in July. It was a bit         live far from a base often feel    focus on helping others is not
hard to find a Christmas tree      isolated.. The presence of         only good for you but a great
in the summer so they used a       extended family can be             model for your children, and
ficus tree instead.                comforting        as      well.    can help bring families closer
                                   Regardless of whom you feel        together.
6. Document the event. Get         closest too, it is okay to ask
out the video recorder,            for support.                       Military children cope with so
camera, and journal. Even                                             much: new schools, changing
when our loved ones don't          9. Talk. Let your family know      neighborhoods, friends who
get to be there to see             that it's okay to talk about       move, and deployed parents.
everything, they certainly         feelings. Putting on a brave       A holiday full of laughter,
wish they could be. It is          face for the sake of the           shared and newly created
important to get the kids          children usually backfires.        memories, and quality family
involved in this process. Not      Often, honest conversation is      time is a truly deserved gift.
only will they have fun; it will   the only thing necessary to lift
shift their focus and allow        spirits. Children need to know
them to process the holidays       that a caring adult is there to
from a different perspective.      listen when they have

                                                                       Simon Says…
Even if it is as simple as         something to share or ask.
sitting near a fire sipping hot    It's essential that adults
cocoa and sharing memories,        model                  positive
both the children and the          communication. If the kids
deployed       person       will   know you are sad, too -- but             Cats are
appreciate the record of the       still able to be hopeful and             smarter than
event. As years pass those         happy -- they will feel much             dogs. You can't
                                                                            get eight cats
preserved memories will be         better. A family pizza night
                                                                            to pull a sled
treasured.                         where      everyone     shares           through snow
                                   memories and feelings would
7. Take care of yourself. If       be a great way to begin
you are taking care of the         celebrating the holidays.
children        during       the   Look at pictures of past
deployment, it is imperative       holidays or pass a journal
that you take care of yourself,    around to share memories to
too. Children are amazingly        be sent to the deployed
perceptive, and no matter          person.
how carefully you try to mask
any gloomy feelings, they will     10. Spread the cheer. While
know something is wrong.           we often feel we have
Make sure you talk about           enough on our hands just
your feelings, share your          taking care of ourselves,
sadness, spend time with           reaching out and helping
friends, and do things for         someone else can really
yourself. It's important to give   change        a        person’s
children the gift of a safe,       perspective,    including     a
predictable, and happy home.       child’s. Whether it's helping a
                                                                                           Page |9




                                    “Jen”-erally Speaking…
                                         By Jennifer Nicholson, FATM




           “Come on! All of        positive or negative influence      desperately want to be liked and
   us are cutting Algebra          on each other. Unfortunately,       to fit in. Sometimes the idea
   today. Who wants to take        the most common type of peer        that “everyone is doing it” may
   that quiz, anyway? Let’s go     pressure is of the negative         influence some kids to leave
   get lunch instead.” “Come       persuasion. How you handle          their better judgment and
   on”, urges the coolest kid in   peer pressure depends a lot on      common sense at the door.
   your class. “You’re not a       how you feel about yourself.        So, how will you deal with peer
   goody two shoes, are you?”      There are some risk factors and     pressure? It’s tough to be the
                                   personality traits that could       only one who says “no” to peer
What do you do? Do you do          make you more prone to falling      pressure, but you can do it. Pay
what’s right and go to Algebra     into the “peer pressure trap”.      attention to your own feelings
class, quiz and all? Or, do you    Those risk factors include:         and beliefs about situations and
give in and cut class with your         Low Self Esteem               circumstances when making a
“friends”?      If you are a            Lack of confidence            decision. It is very important to
teenager, then this scenario is                                        know where you stand on key
                                        Uncertainty about one’s
probably all too familiar.                                             issues such as drugs and
Making decisions can be                    place within the peer       alcohol, sex, and school. Be
challenging, especially if you             group                       confident in your beliefs and do
are faced with choosing                 No personal interests         not be afraid to stand up for
between what you know is                   outside of the peer group   them. Make sure your peers
right, versus going along with          Feeling isolated from         know where you stand on key
the crowd. People your age--                                           issues. Basically, head them off
                                           peers and/or family
your classmates--are referred to                                       at the pass. If they know what
as your peers. When they try to         Poor              academic    your position is on drugs and
influence your decisions, or               performance                 alcohol, and that you are
pressure you to make a certain          Fear of one’s peers           passionate about it, they are less
choice, it’s called “peer               Lack of strong ties to        likely to pressure you toward a
pressure”.                                                             situation that you have vocally
                                           friends
Peer pressure is not confined to                                       spoken out against previously.
teenagers, either. Believe it or        Feeling that friends
not, adults can experience peer            could turn on you
pressure as well. It’s important        Close bond with a bully
that you know how to handle                (Beating Peer Pressure,
situations when faced with                 Hardcastle, M.)
pressure from your peers. It’s
only natural to listen and learn   Simply put, some kids give into
from others. Peers can have a      peer pressure because they
                                                                                                   P a g e | 10

Peers respect you when you            Making other people feel bad           you’ve made a bad choice in
have confidence in yourself           is never a good way to fit in.         the past. Bad choices do not
and your convictions. Always          Flatly refuse to participate in        define who you are. You can
plan ahead. If you think you          such behavior. Stand up for            always make a different choice
are going to be faced with            what is right, be a leader, and        in the future. Some people
pressure    to     engage     in      inspire others to follow your          may not like it when you go
questionable activities, get          lead. Finally, if all of the           “against the group”. But doing
ready! Prepare a “mental              above doesn’t help minimize            the right thing is very
script” to protect yourself           the effects of peer pressure and       rewarding and empowering.
against the pressure and stick        you are finding it difficult to        Remember, peer pressure loses
to it. This can aide you in           cope with the situation, talk to       its power if you refuse to be
appearing      confident      in      someone you trust, such as             intimidated.       For more
yourself, even if you are             your parents, teacher, school          information on coping with
nervous.        Lastly, never         counselor, or other trusted            peer pressure, call Family
participate     in     bullying.      adult. Don’t feel guilty if            Advocacy at 376-3459.



 Who                  Would                  Have                   Ever             Thought?
Samsung has announced findings        mom and dad are doing a fair or        (51%) of parents who text with
of a survey focused on family         good job at texting.                   their teens agree that they
texting     habits.  The     survey                                          communicate more often with
revealed that text messaging has                                             their kids now than they did
                                      RELATIONSHIP, MEET TEXT
broadened        the    lines    of                                          before they began text messaging
communication for many parents                                               and that text messaging has
and teens, with over half of those    As parents join the world of           actually      improved      their
reporting it has actually improved    texting, the survey suggests that      relationship.
their relationship.                   more parent-teen communication
                                      is being conducted by text. Nearly
                                                                             “Finding a way to communicate
                                      seven in ten (68%) American
TEENS TEACH TEXT                                                             with teenagers can be difficult for
                                      parents communicate with their
                                                                             many parents,” said Bill Ogle,
                                      kids by text message. Nearly six
                                                                             Chief Marketing Officer for
Teens are text messaging far          in ten (56%) teens, ages 13 – 19,
                                                                             Samsung       Telecommunications
more than their parents; however,     report that they communicate
                                                                             America. “What this survey shows
the survey suggests that teens        more often with their parents
                                                                             is that communicating with teens
are also passing their text know-     since they began text messaging.
                                                                             the same way they communicate
how on to mom and dad. On
                                                                             with each other, by text
average, teens send 455 text
                                      THE VERDICT: TEXTING IS                messaging, may be a great way
messages each month and
                                      IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS                for some parents to improve the
receive 467 – that’s roughly 15
                                                                             lines of communication. And with
text messages sent and 16
                                      Not only are more and more             more than a billion text messages
messages received each day. On
                                      parents and teens communicating        now being sent each day, I think
average, parents send 84 text
                                      through text, but for many, text       we will see this new trend in
messages each month and
                                      messaging has actually played a        parent-teen        communication
receive 96. Almost six in ten
                                      role     in    improving       their   continue to grow.”
(57%*) moms and dads who text,
say their kids have helped them       relationship. More than half (53%)
become better texters. And teens      of teens that text message think       Safety Tip: NEVER text and drive!!
are taking notice. When it comes      their relationship with their
to their parents’ skills, nearly      parents has improved because of
seven in ten (66%) teens believe      text messaging. More than half
                                                                                               P a g e | 11

And The Winners ARE…


     The holidays are soon to          Traveler, Evenflo Big Kid         Go when it’s used as a
     be upon us. And given             Confidence, Safety Angel          backless booster.
     the cost and hassles of           Ride Ryte, Cosco/Dorel            Five “good bets” were:
     flying, travel by car is the      Alpha             Omega,          highbacks           Combi
     likely       mode         of      Cosco/Dorel         (Eddie        Kobuck,              Graco
     transportation for my             Bauer) Summit, Cosco              TurboBooster and Safety
     family this year. Even            Highback          Booster,        Angel Ride Ryte, and
     though my own children            Dorel/Safety 1st (Eddie           combinations        Recaro
     are well past the ages of         Bauer) Prospect, Evenflo          Young Sport and Safety
     diapers and car seats, I          Chase Comfort Touch,              1st/Dorel Apex 65, when
     now have grandchildren            Evenflo       Generations,        used as highbacks.
     who do a fair amount of           Graco CarGo Zephyr, and           Remember,              the
     traveling with me. So I           Safety 1st/Dorel Intera.          government recommends
     was quite interested to           The     IIHS    cautioned         car seats for children up
     read a recent article in          parents to not interpret          to 40 pounds and booster
     the local paper that              the findings to mean that         seats for kids over 40
     focused on an Insurance           these seats are not               pounds until they are 8
     Institute for Highway             effective, however.               years old or 4 feet 9
     Safety      (IIHS)      and       The IIHS determined the           inches tall. Booster seats
     University of Michigan            following seats to be             are most typically used by
     Transportation Research           “best bets”:        Combi         children between the ages
     Institute safety test of          Kobuk, Fisher-Price Safe          of 4 and 8. ALL children
     some very well known              Voyage (with plastic              should ride in the back
     booster seats.                    clip),               Graco        seat until age 13. And
     The safety assessment             TurboBooster,        Britax       last, any booster seat is
     determined 13 seats that          Monarch,             Britax       better than none at all.
     don’t put children in the         Parkway,      Fisher-Price        Always take the time to
     best position to be               Safe Voyage (highback),           buckle up your kids, no
     protected in the event of a       LaRoche Bros. Teddy               matter how short the
     crash.        These are:          Bear, Recaro Young                drive.
     Compass B505, Compass             Style, Volvo booster
     B510, Cosco/Dorel                 cushion and Safeguard
 Domestic Violence ~ continued from page 5
 Now, here is the part I want you to remember: she told me that when her new husband first
 started to hit her, it wasn’t obvious. A bruise on her arm, or a small bump on the head. But over
 time, when no one challenged his behavior, he became bolder. He began to tell her no one cared,
 that no one would ever believe her if she told them. She started going to work with visible
 bruising, swelling—clear indicators of suspicious injury—and not a single person approached her
 to offer support, ask her what had happened, see if they could help in any way, express concern.
 I don’t believe for an instant it was because no one cared. Instead, I believe it more likely that no
 one knew quite what to say. And because it was ignored, all the cruel messages this young
 woman heard while growing up, all the taunts her husband was using to keep her quiet, were
 inadvertently, and sadly, reinforced. So please—speak up. Offer support. Reach out to those
 who are hurting. The Wingman philosophy is a lifestyle, so live it! Let’s take care of each other!
 It takes a tremendous amount of courage to come forward and admit that our home isn’t safe,
 that someone we love is treating us badly. Let’s make it as easy as possible for our community
 members to do this.
                                                                                                       P a g e | 12




Upcoming Classes:

18 Oct        Because We Have Daughters ~ the perfect opportunity for dads to get to know
              their daughters. This class has an emphasis on strengthening the father/daughter
              relationship, boosting communication skills and addresses the challenges that girls
              face around safety and self-esteem.
4 Nov         Anger Management ~ a four week session that will help you learn to identify
              personal causes of anger, gain insight into the thought process of anger, learn different
              techniques on how to manage anger, and allow you to discuss with peers experiences in a
              therapeutic setting
7 Nov         DAD’s 101: A Class For Dads, By Dads
               Registration required. Please call Paula Tracy at 376-3459.
11 Dec        Baby Boot Camp ~ Covers common concerns of new parents such as: colic/safety,
              immunizations, feeding issues, developmental milestones, infant CPR and more..
               Where: Keesler Medical Center Basement Floor Room BF400 from 11:00 – 1:00.
               Contact Capt Romeatrius Moss at 376-5375 to register!

               Registration required. Please call Paula Tracy at 376-3459.



                                           (For All Ages)
        Fun filled evening for a worthy cause!                             Featuring Kites for Kids!
            * Poster Board         * Pencil        * Hole Punch  * Circle Patterns            LOOKING AHEAD
            * Photo                * Scissors      * Glue        * Ribbon
            (Optional) * Gold metallic spray paint         *Uncooked Pasta (a
            variety of fun shapes)

            How to make it:
                                                                                            In our next issue…
               1.  Draw a circle on the poster board about 4" in diameter (use a tin can,
                   butter tub lid, etc. for a pattern).                                      The Stress of Tax Time
               2. Draw a smaller circle in the middle of the first one - make it a size
                                                                                             MySpace, FaceBook, &
                   (opening) that will fit your photo.
                                                                                              Cyber Safety
               3. Cut out both circles to make a wreath shape.
               4. Use a hole puncher to make a hole for hanging.                             SMART Moves Come
               5. Glue on various pasta shapes (shells and bows work beautifully) to make     to Keesler
                   a pattern on the wreath.
               6. Let dry overnight.                                                         What’s “Emo”?
               7. Spray paint the ornament with gold metallic paint.
               8. Let dry completely.
               9. Add your name and date to the back of the picture.
               10. Glue or tape the photo onto the back of the ornament so that it will
                   show in the center of the wreath.
               11. Attach a decorative ribbon if desired.