the Balcony - HUMAN REACTIONS TO CONFRONTATIONAL BEHAVIOUR

Document Sample
the Balcony - HUMAN REACTIONS TO CONFRONTATIONAL BEHAVIOUR Powered By Docstoc
					      HUMAN REACTIONS TO
   CONFRONTATIONAL BEHAVIOUR
1) Striking back 2) Giving in 3) Breaking off
• Striking Back - fight fire with fire
- They may be better at it than you, so you may
  lose
- Even if you make short term gains, you will
  probably endanger the long-term relationship -
  win the battle but lose the war
• Giving In
- Giving in under pressure, because other side
  makes you feel that failure to reach agreement is
  your fault
- Giving in usually results in unsatisfactory
  outcome – you feel you’ve been “had”
- It rewards the other side’s bad behaviour, gives
  you a reputation for caving in easily and sets
  both of you up for repetition of the behaviour
• Breaking off
- It may sometimes be appropriate - avoids you
  being repeatedly taken advantage of
- May remind the other side of the importance of
  the relationship
- But costs may be high and you may regret it later
- It may mean you never develop the full potential
  of the relationship
        REACTING STOPS YOU FROM
           THINKING CLEARLY
- Which is something you really need in negotiations
- The reaction may become part of the problem
- You also tend to lose sight of your interests
• F&U suggest you can choose not to react! “Go to the
   Balcony!” You mentally remove yourself from the
   conflict, try to view it objectively as if you were a third
   party and look for a mutually satisfactory solution
• Simply recognising the tactic is very helpful. Ury
   suggests these tactics come under the headings of stone
   walls, attacks and tricks
• But don’t jump to conclusions – one “tricky” incident
   creates suspicion, not a conclusion
    YOU ALSO NEED TO RECOGNISE
     YOUR OWN SUSCEPTIBILITIES
• Some people react to criticism or to being made
  fun of
• Others hate the rejection of their ideas
• Others react to being made feel guilty or to fear
  that people won’t like them or that they are
  making a scene
• If you recognise your own triggers (“hot
  buttons” Ury), you can start to control them
• Maybe by thinking of your opponent as someone
  who doesn’t know any better or
• Think of the other party’s need to let off steam
  as having nothing to so with you – his/her need
     NOW YOU CAN BUY YOURSELF
          THINKING TIME
• Simply pausing and saying nothing may calm
  both sides, or may shift the pressure onto them
• It doesn’t mean you don’t feel the reaction; you
  simply don’t act on it
• Try reviewing the discussion to that point e.g.
  “where have we got to?” or “I’m not sure I’m
  following you”. This slows the process down.
  Don’t be afraid of appearing stupid.
          SUGGEST A TIME-OUT
• A range of possible valid reasons available -
  need time to think about it, to check it out, to
  consider your suggestion
• You can take a time-out without leaving the
  room, if necessary - introduce a digression!
• A helpful rule of thumb is never to let yourself
  make decisions on the spot: go to the balcony
  and make the decision there; then return and
  communicate your decision – again, a number of
  possible reasons (excuses) are available
• Key learning point – you cannot control them
  but you can control yourself!

				
DOCUMENT INFO
Shared By:
Categories:
Tags:
Stats:
views:8
posted:6/15/2010
language:English
pages:6