Two guys in suits are talking to each other. Their
conversation is obviously intended to be clandestine. One
is a younger man - JONES – in his late 20’s, and rather
slick. An up-and-comer. The other is an older guy – THE
BOSS - maybe in his late 40’s, early 50’s. The patriarch of
the company. Jones appears somewhat hesitant as he speaks.
Bowed a little. The boss stands straight. He has nothing to
hide in his own firm!
Well Jones, what is it?
It’s….it’s about Davis, sir.
Davis? In purchasing on the 25th? I
know him. Seems like a good chap.
Is there some kind of problem?”
Well, it’s just that…well, there
are some concerns about his
personal hygiene, sir. He…ahh…he
smells rather bad, sir, and we all
have to work quite closely on the
Well, the poor fellow has an odour
problem, Jones. So what? Hardly a
rare problem, and certainly not
reason for dismissal.
Well…there’s the whole thing of
personal grooming too, sir. His
skin seems rather…poorly. And he
has a tendency on the whole to
look a little shabby. Unkempt,
sir. And…well…there’s no real way
around this sir. It’s the opinion
of myself and the others on the
25th floor that Davis is…that…well,
what I mean to say is we think
that Davis may be…ummm…
For God’s sake Jones! Spit it out!
Well…we think that Davis is a
A what? A Zombie? Sheer nonsense,
Jones! Simply because someone does
as they’re told and keeps to
themselves a little hardly makes
him a Zombie! Certainly I’ve heard
that he requires a rather literal
frame of mind when giving
instructions, but that’s just new
job jitters! I’m sure he’ll adjust
in no time!
JONES (losing it a little)
You haven’t seen the way he looks
at us sir. The dead eyes…and the
sounds he makes. The moaning…
Well, I can only hear one person
moaning here Jones.
JONES (regaining his composure)
Uhh…well…the main thing sir…it’s
about the cleaner…
Javier? What about him?
Davis…ate him, sir.
The boss considers this for a moment.
Suddenly we are tracking through an office at high speed. A
cheery jingle-type music plays with vocal harmony.
He does accounts
At the gym he trains
But if you’re not careful
He’ll eat your brains
We suddenly come to a stop at the desk of OFFICE ZOMBIE.
He’s a Zombie. In a suit. He sits with his mouth hanging
open, (bloody?) drool dripping from his mouth.
There is a cheery voice over at the end of the song verse
Who is he!?!
(low and blood-curdling)
Back to the singers in the cheesiest 50’s style vocal
harmony possible! And cue the cheery gag titling to thump
over the picture.