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Office Zombie

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					Two guys in suits are talking to each other. Their
conversation is obviously intended to be clandestine. One
is a younger man - JONES – in his late 20’s, and rather
slick. An up-and-comer. The other is an older guy – THE
BOSS - maybe in his late 40’s, early 50’s. The patriarch of
the company. Jones appears somewhat hesitant as he speaks.
Bowed a little. The boss stands straight. He has nothing to
hide in his own firm!

                      BOSS
         Well Jones, what is it?

                      JONES
         It’s….it’s about Davis, sir.

                      BOSS
         Davis? In purchasing on the 25th? I
         know him. Seems like a good chap.
         Is there some kind of problem?”

                      JONES
         Well, it’s just that…well, there
         are some concerns about his
         personal hygiene, sir. He…ahh…he
         smells rather bad, sir, and we all
         have to work quite closely on the
         25th.

                      BOSS
         Well, the poor fellow has an odour
         problem, Jones. So what? Hardly a
         rare problem, and certainly not
         reason for dismissal.

                      JONES
         Well…there’s the whole thing of
         personal grooming too, sir. His
         skin seems rather…poorly. And he
         has a tendency on the whole to
         look a little shabby. Unkempt,
         sir. And…well…there’s no real way
         around this sir. It’s the opinion
         of myself and the others on the
         25th floor that Davis is…that…well,
         what I mean to say is we think
         that Davis may be…ummm…
                      BOSS
         For God’s sake Jones! Spit it out!

                      JONES
         Well…we think that Davis is a
         Zombie, sir.

                      BOSS
         A what? A Zombie? Sheer nonsense,
         Jones! Simply because someone does
         as they’re told and keeps to
         themselves a little hardly makes
         him a Zombie! Certainly I’ve heard
         that he requires a rather literal
         frame of mind when giving
         instructions, but that’s just new
         job jitters! I’m sure he’ll adjust
         in no time!

                      JONES (losing it a little)
         You haven’t seen the way he looks
         at us sir. The dead eyes…and the
         sounds he makes. The moaning…

                      BOSS
         Well, I can only hear one person
         moaning here Jones.

                      JONES (regaining his composure)
         Uhh…well…the main thing sir…it’s
         about the cleaner…

                      BOSS
         Javier? What about him?

                      JONES
         Davis…ate him, sir.

The boss considers this for a moment.

                      BOSS
         Oh.

Suddenly we are tracking through an office at high speed. A
cheery jingle-type music plays with vocal harmony.
                        THEME SONG
           He does accounts
           At the gym he trains
           But if you’re not careful
           He’ll eat your brains

We suddenly come to a stop at the desk of OFFICE ZOMBIE.
He’s a Zombie. In a suit. He sits with his mouth hanging
open, (bloody?) drool dripping from his mouth.

There is a cheery voice over at the end of the song verse

                          VO
           Who is he!?!

                          OFFICE ZOMBIE
                     (low and blood-curdling)
           Urrrrr…

Back to the singers in the cheesiest 50’s style vocal
harmony possible! And cue the cheery gag titling to thump
over the picture.

                        TITLE
           OFFICE ZOMBIE!

                        THEME SONG
           Office Zooombieeee!

The End!

				
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posted:6/15/2010
language:English
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