Wow. No, ShamWow! by ProQuest

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No, ShamWow! Because I travel a lot, I get to spend a lot of time in hotels, which in turn means I get to watch a lot of TV.

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									                                                        Bob Tales                          with Bob Frey


                                           Wow. No, ShamWow!
                                           B
                                    ecause I travel a lot, I
                                    get to spend a lot of
                               time in hotels, which in
                                                                                           that your teenage children can send in their lifetime.
                                                                                           But wait, there’s more. The first 20 callers will also get
                                                                                           the deluxe Gopher Pick-Up machine. Tired of trying to
                                                                                                                                                                                                             Of all the things that I’ve seen on TV during
                                                                                                                                                                                                         those long, lonely nights on the road, my favorite is
                                                                                                                                                                                                         the Can Safe, a device that looks like an ordinary
                               turn means I get to watch                                   pick up those little critters with your hands, well the                                                       household can in which you are supposed to hide
                               a lot of TV. OK, so even if                                 deluxe Gopher Pick-Up machine will end all of your                                                            your money. After all, who would think to look in a
                               I were home I’d watch a                                     problems.” And so it goes.                                                                                    can of Coca-Cola for everything you have worked and
                               lot of TV, but that’s                                           You gotta love that Billy Mays. And lest you doubt                                                        slaved for all these years? “Police departments say
                               another story.                                              me (and I know some of you do), there really is a                                                             these cans are better than a locked safe,” is how the
    At home, I cuddle up with the lovely and talented                                      Gopher Pick-Up thingee, or machine, or utensil, or                                                            commercial goes. Or something like that.
Diana and watch Lifetime TV — you know, television                                         whatever they call it. Now that I think of it, they                                                               I tried it, once. I put all of my money and several
for women. Hey, it’s little things like that that keep a                                   probably advertise it in Varmint Hunter magazine.                                                             of my drag racing collectibles in those cans and put
marriage together. My only hope now is that she                                                Because most of the people who read Bob Tales —                                                           them around the house for safe keeping and then
doesn’t read this and sets the record straight. Anyway,                                    or I should say both of the people who read Bob Tales                                                         went on the road for a few days. When I came home,
all it takes is one night, one late night of television to                                 — are “car people,” I think the most important new                                                            Diana told me that I should be so proud of her.
realize all of the things that I need to make my life                                      product to come along in years and be sold on TV is                                                           When I asked why, she told me that she had taken
more fun, more enjoyable, easier, and more relaxing.                                       the ShamWow. And I think it’s great that Dave                                                                 all of those old, dusty cans that I had lying around
    I know that my life is better ever since I bought a                                    Grubnic found something to do to stay busy while                                                              the house and threw them out. But at least she told
Snuggie. Really. I thought I had all I needed with an                                      waiting to return to driving. What, are you going to                                                          me she put them in some of those superstrong Glad
old blanket with a few holes in it (OK, a lot of holes),                                   tell me that the guy pitching those ShamWows                                                                  ForceFlex trash bags. You know, she said, “the ones I
but I guess not. The Snuggie has changed my life.                                          doesn’t look like “Aussie Dave”? The first time I saw                                                         saw advertised on TV.”
    Maybe it wasn’t a life-changing moment, but I have                                     the infomercial, I actually did a double take to see if it                                                        That’s it for now. I’ll see you at the races. Oh,
to admit that the Snuggie is something that everyone                                       was Dave. There he was, squeezing, cleaning, picking                                                          and the first one who tells me that I should order a
should have. Or at least that’s what the pitchman said.                                    up 20 times his weight with one little ShamWow.                                                               Flowbee is going to get hit — really hard!
And the pitchman wasn’t even Billy Mays. You do                                                Do you know how handy those could be at the                                                                   Oh, by the way, no part of this article may be repro-
know Billy Mays, don’t you? He’s the fast-talking guy                                      dragstrip? The Safety Safari could clean the track                                                            duced without the express written permission of Dave
with the little beard who makes you those super offers.                                    with a ShamWow in no time, wring it out and use it                                                            Grubnic, David Hope, Hope Thomas, Tommy Johnson
Every time I see him, I think that he’d make a great                                       over and over again. And if they call before mid-                                                             Jr., Tom Hammonds, Thomas Schmidt, Steve Schmidt,
drag racing announcer: “Sunday, Sunday at ASOT                                             night, they can get an extra 300 ShamWows for free,                                                           Steve Harker, the Harker twins, the Mettler twins, and
Dragway (that’s As Seen On TV Dragway), get the                                            plus a Clapper for every room in their house or,                                                              Billy Mays — especially Billy Mays. ND
Steam Buddy, the fastest, easiest way to remove                                            since we travel a lot, for every room in their hotel.
wrinkles in your clothes. The Steam Buddy is so easy                            
								
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