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					                                                               Ask                                              “I am upset.” Lily said. “I am learn-
                                                                                                           ing to read and I am not yet that good at
                                                                                                           it. The phone rang and I went to see the
                                                             Naomi                                         caller I.D. and I read it out loud and I
                                                                                                           read it all wrong. So my older sister,
                                                                                                           Vicky, heard me and said, ‘Your reading
                                                                       Parenting
                                                                                                           sucks.’ I am very upset and angry. I
                                                                         Without                           raged at her.”
                                                                        Struggle                                “Lily,” I said, “let’s explore what ac-
                                                                                                           tually happened. So, Vicky said your




                                                                                            Naomi Aldort
                                                                                                           reading sucks and what happened out of
                                                             by Naomi Aldort                               that?”
                                                                                                                “Out of that I was very upset,” Lily
                                                                                                           responded.
                                                                                                                And did anything happen? Outside of
                  When Siblings Tease                                                                      your mind? Something I could video?
                                                                                                                No. Nothing happened.
Q: My younger son is often teased by his      ter what anyone says...if our responses                           Good to know. So nothing happened.
teenaged sister and then he teases his        model such peace.                                            You are still breathing, reading as well as
younger brother. I don’t want the chil-           There is an old Zen story that demon-                    you do and living in your home.
dren to get hurt but no matter what I say,    strates how to welcome whatever comes                             Yes.
they don’t stop. How can I help them to       your way “without blinking an eye:” A                             So something happened only in your
stop name calling?                            warrior came to a temple seeking the old                     mind?
                                              Zen master who stayed alone after all the                         Yes. Anger inside my head.
A: Your desire to stop the teasing is natu-   villagers fled in fear. When the warrior                          Why?
ral. Yet, teaching children to control the    did not encounter the submissiveness to                           Because she shouldn’t say that my
offender makes them weak and depend-          which he was accustomed, he was en-                          reading sucks.
ent on others for their happiness. Instead,   raged. “You fool,” he shouted as he                               Are you sure that she shouldn’t?
consider empowering your children in          reached for his sword, “don’t you realize                         Yes. (Starting to laugh.)
the face of the teasing.                      you are standing before a man who could                           Can you really know that she should-
    Amazingly, a
				
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Description: There is an old Zen story that demonstrates how to welcome whatever comes your way "without blinking an eye:" A warrior came to a temple seeking the old Zen master who stayed alone after all the villagers fled in fear. When the warrior did not encounter the submissiveness to which he was accustomed, he was enraged. "You fool," he shouted as he reached for his sword, "don't you realize you are standing before a man who could run you through without blinking an eye!?""I am upset. " Lily said. "I am learning to read and I am not yet that good at it. The phone rang and I went to see the caller I.D. and I read it out loud and I read it all wrong. So my older sister, Vicky, heard me and said, 'Your reading sucks. ' I am very upset and angry. I raged at her. "In a family intensive workshop, one girl called her sister "stupid." "I am stupid too!" I declared with a smile. "I burnt the rice while standing right next to it. And grandpa is stupid and Beethoven is stupid and. . . soon we were singing "I am stupid, you are stupid, they are stupid, we are stupid," while clapping and adding melody to our joy. The children started sharing their own stupid moments with much laughter and their parents and I had plenty of evidence to share about our own moments of confusion.
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