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  • pg 1
									                            Volume (e -56)
                            Episode 4

                             For Scientists
                             By Scientists

looks of confusion…

 …must not have studied science at waterloo
    The Science Way !!!

                    ~ Andrew Falcao

    Bonjourno, dahleengs! Andrew here, master of optic poetry and tie
    history, to give you some ideas to spruce up your dreadfully boring
    living spaces. Ah, the life of a university student; beige walls, tacky
    carpets, hideous 1970’s drapery… design disaster! An attack on my
    exquisite aesthetics! But seeing as we are all science students here, I
    thought it might be a good idea to teach you how to incorporate
    science materials into award winning designs.

    For the burgeoning biologist or environmentalist, why not consider
    the simple elegance of plants? A botany explosion can liven up any
    room! English Ivy, sunshine loving tropical plants, bamboo and the
    unique Goldfish plant make wonderful additions to any space.
    Colourful bottles (AriZona products are a great example) are
    fantastic for displaying bamboo or cut flowers. Tape nature photos
    to the fronts of dressers or the sides of desks to create visually
    stunning murals. And never underestimate the effect of a fish. Easy
    to care Bettas (Fighting Fish) are perfect for university students!
    And your moldy bread? Why, it’s not garbage, but a Dadaist
                                                             con’t on next page

“never underestimate the effect of a fish”

 Integrate the Earth Sciences by adding a rock, mineral or fossil collection
 to your space. Create Japanese/Zen rock gardens by gathering your
 favourite rocks or minerals and organizing them into beautiful
 arrangements on your shelf or dresser top. In particular, banded gneiss,
 speckled granite, translucent quartz and pink feldspar are easy to find
 and make beautiful rock gardens. Add a bamboo to complete your
 Japanese inspired décor. If you need any advice, contact your nearest
 Earthie. Our rooms are generally chock-full of rocks from our field trips;
 but don’t ask for any rocks to keep. They are our children, and we will
 kill you with our vicious fangs!

 Physics may not immediately spring into mind when design is
 considered, but physics can be chic, too! Create the classic dorm-room
 style through the sacred Lava Lamp. Continue the theme with glow in the
 dark stars on the ceiling, astronomy posters and black curtains. The
 contrast of black and glow is irresistible!
 Chemists need not worry. Unique design ideas await you! Do you have an
 empty space on your shelf? Create art with test tubes! “Borrow” a test
 tube stand, fill each test tube with a different coloured liquid (I’m
 thinkin’ Kool-Aid), and voila! Create more chemistry art with ball and
 stick models; the more complex, the more visually interesting. Carbon
 rings make striking centerpieces.

 Combining a number of ideas give rooms a funky, eclectic feel. Fountains
 add an instant touch of calmness to any space, and Christmas lights are
 perfect year-round. Now, what university student’s room would be
 complete without the plethora of posters? Honour past scientists such as
 Einstein and Newton by proudly displaying their portraits complete with
 inspirational quotes! Mourn the quick demise of winter by hanging paper
 snowflakes from the ceiling, creating a whimsical touch for any room.

 Happy decorating!
                                                       … most sensational,
                                                                                             ~ Emily Lamantia

    Author’s note- This article was supposed to be published in the November edition of Mr. Scientist. However, due to
    the stress of midterms, the issue never made it out.

    Muppetational Day!
    What is this great day I talk about?
    Why, it’s only the greatest made up holiday ever!

    Now when do I celebrate this most sensational, inspirational, celebrational,
    Muppetational holiday you ask?
    NOVEMBER 26!!!

    Now what exactly am I celebrating?
    The Muppets of course!

    Now the $ 1000 question— where did this holiday come from?
    A while back (I was in grade 10; this is it’s 6th year of celebration), my friend
    Meghan and I were hanging out during lunch, when we decided to check out
    the student council calendar, which was posted on a huge corkboard in a
    hallway. Various school events had been posted, as well as some non-school
    events such as “Jon’s Birthday!” All the dates on the board had been filled
    with something except for a very lonely 26th (of November). Now for some
    reason Meghan and I had been singing the muppets theme song earlier that
    day, which gave us an idea.
    If you listen to the lyrics they go: “… most sensational, inspirational,
    celebrational, MUPPETATIONAL…”, so right then and there Muppetational
    Day was born! We quickly wrote it on the calendar and ran off to decide how
    to celebrate this day.

                                                                                     con’t on the next page
    If you listen to the lyrics they go: “… most sensational, inspirational,
    celebrational, MUPPETATIONAL…”, so right then and there Muppetational
    Day was born! We quickly wrote it on the calendar and ran off to decide how
    to celebrate this day.

    In high school, I would get together with friends and we would watch some
    episodes of the original “The Muppet Show”, off a very old tape my parents
    made to keep me occupied as we moved in to a new house at age two and half.
    We also bake some high calorie, high sugar treat to eat too.

    Upon coming to University I wondered what would happen to this day. Of
    course I would still celebrate it, but Meghan and I were not only separated
    by different schools, but she’s way over on the other side of the country!
    However, I have great friends here, who have embraced this holiday and will
    now be celebrating it with me for their third year. We started a tradition
    here of baking holiday treats and exchanging them, while still watching the
    muppets of course. Last year we watched “A Muppets Christmas Carol”,
    which also served to welcome the incoming season.

    Each year more and more people are welcomed in the “muppet circle” and now
    you’re being informed. Now I’m sure you’re sitting there wondering why you
    should celebrate this holiday? Well I tell you, it’s a great excuse to throw a
    party! And I mean, come on, who doesn’t love the muppets! So please invite
    Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzy, Gonzo, and all their other muppet friends into
    your home this year and celebrate.

    And I guess that if you get nothing else
    from this article, you’ll learn to regard me
    as the weird girl who makes up and celebrates
    a holiday based on a show that aired over
    20 years ago!

    Happy Muppetational Day!!!

           Add ‘Muppetational Day’ to
           your calendar, and celebrate life!

    You know it’s winter when…
                                               ~ Emily Lamantia

    vYou see people wearing gloves on a string
    vYou look like (or at least feel like) a marshmellow due to all the layers of
    clothing you are wearing
    vYou roommate breaks out her snow pants
    vYou need to thaw out your hands before you can hold your pen to take
    notes in class
    vYou wear more than one pair of pants to school
    vYou leave home early just so you can take the more time consuming inside
    route to class
    vYour roommate has to push the trunk of your van open on the inside,
    while you are pulling on it from the outside because it’s frozen shut
    vSimilarly, you get iced out of your car
    vYou get the “sharp knives” feeling in your legs when walking outside
    vYou start using creative visualizations of yourself lying on a beach
    sunbathing just to keep yourself moving between classes
    vYou avoid going anywhere that requires you to leave a place of warmth
    vYour pants have permanent white marks on the back of them from all the
    vYou play ‘slip and slide’ on the ice
    vYou see people falling on their butts after failing at ‘slip and slide’
    vLayers, layers, layers
    vYou start looking into Grad schools offered in Florida and Hawaii
    vYou decide rain isn’t so bad after all
    vIt’s a good day if the sun is out
    vYou haven’t been able to feel your fingers
    and toes in awhile.
    vYou start counting down the days
    till Spring

      IS YOU…

                              Andrew Falcao

What the fhqwghads?! You don’t know Strong Bad? Why, you have
fangoriously offended us, you gelatinous mass! Well, Strong Bad is a
fantasmagorically awesome dude, who’s very hip with the ladies. He lives in
Strong Badia, with a quirky cast of characters.

Strong Bad: E-mail responder and butt-kicker extraordinaire.
The Cheat: Strong Bad’s furry cheating friend. Small, fuzzy and yellow, his
innocent looks hide the monster lurking beneath…
Strong Mad: Strong Bad’s incomprehensible brother. Big, dumb, and really
Strong Sad: Strong Bad’s EMO little brother. He enjoys talking to walls and trees,
reading and writing poetry, and playing board games. His favourite hobby,
however, is waiting to be beaten on the hour, every hour by his brothers. Trust
me, if you ever met this big gray elephant loser, you’d want to, too.
Coach Z: The local lime green coach who lives in the gym. He’s also an
amateur rapper, with the most fly rhymes this side of Ja Rule.
Bubs: Would you buy air for 15 dollars? No? Well, Bubs the shop keep may
convince you otherwise.
Marzipan: The tofu-grilling, ukulele playing, protesting hippie and sometimes
girlfriend of…
Homestar Runner: The bread-singing, supremely stupid star of
There’s also Pom Pom, the King of Town and the Poopsmith, but they don’t
count. Then there’s Homsar, who was raised by a cup of cofffeeeeeeeeeee!


    So one day we decided that we should e-mail Strong Bad.
    Dear Strong Bad
    We’re students at the University of Waterloo, and we have a question for you!
    We know you have a degree at Crazy Go Nuts University, but we are wondering
    what your major is!
    Fangoriously yours, Mirandrew
    Science Society Social Chairs
    Well, this was his answer, although we don’t suggest looking on the website for it…

    Mirandrew? What the fhqwhgads…?!?
    What were your parents thinking? Are your siblings named Stepherah and
    Man, yous better not even think about University, it’s so small that everyone will
    make fun of you.
    So you want to know my degree eh? Well us high society graduates of CGNC
    are some of the most respectoid people of the world…universe.
    I can still remember my interview. It must have been my crazy-go nuts hair that
    got me in. Originally I was entered in biomedical acting, but I wasn’t good at
    those long poses that dirty, soapy actors pull off. So, I did what every college
    student does and changed my program…more than once… actually a lot. My
    degrees range from physical music (you can only make so much noise with your
    body) to Honours in Textual Informatics Management. But ALAS I had to follow
    my Strongbadian heart… I, yours truly, is close to completing my PhD in
    Psychological Cartoon Thermoinformation Computation.
    Yes, all those that have seen or read my sb e-mails are my test subjects. You ARE
    my thesis…I am set to walk to stage this June. My PooPow will be so proud. Tear.

                Well, there you have it. Of course, neither of us do it justice so you
                might as well check out all the antics at www.homestarrunner.com

         Emily Lamantia

Before I even begin, I want to dedicate this article to my brother Mike;
he is the one who inspired this topic!

Blame. We’re all guilty of it.
“ I didn’t eat the last slice of chocolate brownie fudge explosion
cake…” I exclaim innocently guilty. “… it must have been Mike.”
My family is notorious for what I am calling ‘The Blame Game’, and
the all-time champ in the family has to be my 18-year-old brother,
Mike. Nothing is ever his fault; he will pin almost anything on someone
else just to get the blame away from him.
Here’s a typical scenario:
Mom (in a very serious tone… she obviously wants an answer): Who
left all those empty pop cans on the table in the basement?
Mike: Em did
(I enter the scene)
Emily: Em did what?
Mom: Did you let all those empty pop cans downstairs. I’m sick and
tired of it… all I ask is that you clean up after yourselves…
Emily: It wasn’t me.
Mike: Well then it was Andy (our 16-year-old brother)
(Sidenote- it was actually Andrew’s fault, but notice that Mike just
throws the blame on the first person he thinks of.)
Mike will blame anyone to cover his butt, though to his dismay, he still gets yelled
      at anyway, simply because he’ll be the first person my mom sees to
      complain to. Though I do wish to add that this happens to anyone my mom
      comes upon when she’s frustrated with a family member.

                                                    to be con’t   à

Simply stated: whoever is the closest gets a lecture. Even when I phone
home, I will sometimes get a lecture about what my brothers or dad have
done to disrupt her world.

I should also add that for dramatic effect, blame can also be accompanied
by ‘the point’. This is a very effective maneuver, as it often puts your
opponent on the spot and attention is drawn away from you to them. This is
more so true if who you’re pointing at is guilty, but it’ll work even if they’re
not, as they now have to get rid of the blame.

What is it about us (as humans) that never wants to admit our faults? Maybe
it really wasn’t us, or maybe drawing focus to someone else makes us feel
better. Maybe what is comes down to is that we’re all too afraid to deal with
the consequences of our actions. Of course we could also just be evil, and
enjoy watching others take our fall.

I speak from personal experience on a few of those. When I was about six
years old, my brothers and I were helping my dad wash his car when I
spotted a chocolate bar inside. Being the greedy older sister that I was, I eat
the chocolate bar without sharing with my brothers. Later when questioned
about the missing chocolate bar, I blame my three-year-old brother, who
crazily enough admits he ate it! I was so terrified of my actions, I blamed my
helpless younger sibling. But don’t worry, he’s not scarred or anything; he
doesn’t even remember.

Now when I started writing this article I didn’t actually intend for it to take this
direction, but it did, and I kept going with it, so I am therefore here to present
you with some tips for successfully blaming others.

The Keys to a good blame: make it believable. For example my dad is a
vegetarian, so blaming him for leaving sandwich meat out on the counter
doesn’t make sense. Similarly, if one of your roommates makes chocolate
chip cookies, and by the end of the night there is a noticeable amount
missing, it is not wise to blame the roommate who went home for the

“Being the greedy older sister that I was, I eat the chocolate bar
without sharing with my brothers. Later when questioned about
the missing chocolate bar, I blame my three-year-old brother,
who crazily enough admits he ate it!”
 “The Keys to a good blame: make it believable. For example my
 dad is a vegetarian, so blaming him for leaving sandwich meat out
 on the counter doesn’t make sense.”

     It has to be convincing, so use some proof to back you up. If you have
     dirty dishes on the counter, but your roommate also generated a lot of
     dishes from when she had people over from the day before, you can
     easily blame your dishes on her, after all she had people over and there is
     no way to tell who used what dishes.

     Know when to tell the truth. This applies more when dealing with figures
     of authority. Unless you had some really good excuse for cheating I
     wouldn’t try and convince a prof that you had a kink in your neck and
     you were just stretching it out.

     Lastly, know the consequences. This applies both to the fact that the
     person you’re blaming might undergo punishment of some sort, as well as
     the fact that if you yourself are caught blaming someone who doesn’t
     see the humour in it, you too could undergo severe consequences.

     I decided to take a humourous approach to this topic, but blame can be
     a serious issue. Again this was just inspired by my brother, as the blame
     game was played very often over the Christmas break. Not living at
     home does exclude me from being blamed for certain things, but Mike
     still found various things to blame me for. I’m not saying some weren’t
     true, but with four other members in the house, it’s easy to find someone
     else to blame.

     I should also include a small paragraph about prior behaviours. If you’re
     know for something, say like eating boxes of chocolate, it is very likely
     that you will be blamed for opening the box of chocolate even though
     you didn’t. And unfortunately your past behaviours will work against you.
     It sucks, but that’s life.
     Before I end this, I just thought it would be appropriate to apologize to
     my family and to anyone else I may have blamed over the years,
     especially if you got in trouble for it.
      So sorry, but I couldn’t help it, could I?

      The Joys of Bubble Tea
     Ah, bubble tea, my love for all time. When I came to
     Waterloo, one of the first things I noticed was that there
     was a bubble tea café in the plaza next to the University, a
     mere 10 minute walk from my residence. I was in awe; back
     home, I had to venture into the murky waters of downtown
     Hamilton to have my lychee green tea with tapioca pearls.
     And this place had spring rolls! And veggie dumplings! Yes,
     dear readers, I was in bubble heaven.

     What’s this? You’ve never heard of bubble tea, let alone
     tried it? For shame, reader, for shame! Perhaps I should
     describe to you the process of ordering a bubble tea.

     Choose a tea base- green tea is
     the most common and lets the chosen
     flavour come through more than
     black or red tea, which has a much
     stronger tea flavour to it.
     Decide what flavour you want to try!
     There is a wide variety; everything
     from strawberry and banana, to
     slightly more exotic flavours like
     lychee or taro. Non-fruit flavours
     also abound; try a chocolate mint
     or sesame, or even Hong Kong Style-
     a basic black tea with no additional
     Regular or milk tea? Personally,
     I suggest getting a regular first
     and trying a milk tea later, but
     some may suggest the other way around!
     A milk tea is smoother and mellower,
     and some flavours only come in this
     variety. Suggestion: banana milk tea
     tastes almost exactly like a banana Popsicle.
     Add some pearls or jelly! Tapioca pearls are those big black
     bubbles; they are chewy and slightly sweet, and you suck
     them up in those gigantic colourful straws. Just be careful
     they don’t fly down your throat! You can also get fruit
     jelly in your drink; tiny firm rectangles of jelly that come
     in a variety of flavours. It’s a good idea to try to get a
     complimenting flavour to the drink base. Try the green apple
     jelly with raspberry tea, it’s super!
     Hot or cold? Most people get their bubble tea chilled; it’s
     almost like a sweet iced tea. But if you’re a bit cold, or
     in the mood for something new, try your drink hot. Just be
     careful you don’t burn yourself!
     And there you go; you are now a bubble tea master! Once
     summer rolls around (or if you are feeling coldly ironic),
     two other options await you; the slushee and milkshake
     bubble tea! These are excellent for cooling down, or if you
     crave dessert. Mmm-mmm!

     Happy bubble tea-ing!
                                          ~ Andrew Falcao

 What do YOU think barbiturates means?

     Note: Mr. Scientist asked hundreds of U of W SCIENCE students this very
     basic science question. Unfortunately, these were some answers we
     received. Unfortunately, these were some of the better answers we
     received. Most people just gave Mr. Scientist a confused look and asked
     him to repeat the question (numerous times).

     “When Barbie didn’t get her triple mocha frappachino with
     - Andrew Falcao, Earth Sciences

     “Your Mom.”
     - Miranda Fong, Biomedical Acting

     “When a bartender bites someone…”
     - Sam Brown, Honours Science

     “What isn’t a barbiturate?”
     - Meera Patel, Pre-Opt/Pre-Health

     “An ancient tribe that worshipped elephants… testicles.”
     - Julius Sagth (Julius the IV), Pre-Opt/Pre-Health

     “Some sort of drug…”
     - Vincent Trepanier, Chemistry Faculty

     “Is this a trick question? Can I use my lifeline?        Can I call
     a friend?!”
     - Urva Naik, Biomedical Sciences

     “The sleep inducing narcotics.”
     - Rob, Biomedical Sciences

     “When a bar mitzvah goes wrong?”
     - Kelly Phan, Textual Informatics Management

     “I speak no English”
     (since they didn’t speak English…)

     A group of barbituric acid derivatives used as sedatives.
     The Real Answer:

                           SCIENCE SPORTS

For those of you with spring fever who are itching for some exercise then
the following information is for you!

Pick-up Volleyball: Sunday, March 6th, from 1:00-3:00pm in Gym 3 (that’s the
smaller gym) in the PAC. Bring your friends for some fun, recreational

For those of you ready for the Road Rash Street Hockey Tournament a sign-
up sheet is still available in the SciSoc office. The tournament is slated for
Saturday, April 2nd, from 9:00am-6:00pm. This is a Campus Rec tournament
so CSA approved helmets and face masks are required for all stick-related
activities. Remember to bring your $4.00 when signing up.

The Social Skate: Monday, April 4th, from 8:00-8:50pm. It will be held in the
CIF arena. Get some last-minute exercise before exams and chill out on the

Also, we are trying to get at least one Ice Hockey game scheduled before the
end of the term. This would be a fun game amongst fellow science students.
The cost is $2.00 per person. Please e-mail lmzgrabl@scimail.uwaterloo.ca
if you are interested. Again, CSA approved helmets and face masks are
required. If you have full equipment you are welcome to wear it, but it is not

Leonard and Nichole
Athletics Directors
ESC 349
Ext. 2325


"Keys for Success: From Science to Business" You've all seen the
posters. On March 12, 2005, SCRUBS will host a one day conference, FREE
to all UW students, focusing on the commercialization of science and
technology ideas and discussing topics from Company Niche Determination,
Research and Development, Sales and Marketing, and intellectual property.
Many networking opportunities will occur throughout the day and over a free
exhibition luncheon, as well as a real life corporate case study. Please check
out the website and register online. For more details and a full sponsor list:

 The University of Waterloo International Health Development
 Association (UWIHDA) is running an aids awareness campaign this
 semester, "AIDS: TAKE ACTION NOW! a lecture and documentary series".
 This campaign will lead up to UWIHDA's 2005 overseas project where eight
 UW students will go to Tanzania in the spring and work with African youth
 on HIV/AIDS education and prevention.
 The following is a description of our upcoming event:

 Date: Wednesday March 23, 2005
 Time: 4:30 to 6:30
 Location: B1 271

 Speaker: Anurita Bains
 Special Assistant to Stephen Lewis, UN Envoy HIV/AIDS in Africa

 Film: "The Value of Life: AIDS in Africa Revisited"
 United Nations' HIV/AIDS envoy, Stephen Lewis, makes an impassioned plea
 for world public opinion to focus on the AIDS crisis in Africa.

 If you would like to find out more about UWIHDA we will be having our next
 general meeting on Wednesday March 16 (Location and Time TBA). At this
 meeting you can find out about how you can get involved and how you can
 run to be on the 2005/2006 executive team! Please visit our website for more
 information about our organization (http://www.uwihda.org).

Having Fun with Science
I have found that when you hang out in science classes a
lot, you pick up this kooky ability: all bad jokes become
hilarious. Maybe it is the toxic fumes, or the strange
company but slowly your sense of humor goes downhill.

     TRY THIS:

 Look at the chart and say the COLOUR not the word

                   YELLOW BLUE ORANGE
                     BLACK RED GREEN
                    PURPLE YELLOW RED
                   ORANGE GREEN BLACK
                     BLUE RED PURPLE
                    GREEN BLUE ORANGE
                                      Right-Left Conflict
                         Your right brain tries to say the colour but
                         your left brain insists on reading the word.

                                                     That’s all folks!
                                                          From all of us at Mr. Scientist,
                                                          thank you for reading…
                                                          and have a great day!

     Mr. Scientist Team:
     Gaven MacDonald                          Meera Patel
     Andrew Falcao                            Emily Lamantia
     Miranda Fong                             Urva Naik
     Sam Brown                                Kelly Phan
                                              Leonard Zgrablic

      To join our team, please send us an email at MrScientistEditors@hotmail.com

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