A book never written: "Pittsburgh Pirates, World Series Champions!" by Ben Waiten. A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. Johnny: Because it has four Fs but can't see! Simon: Because it wasn't peeling well. Warped Wiseman wonders: "Can you get American cheese in other countries? " Daniel Levine, Bloomfield, N.J. A book never written: "Top Secret" by X. Files.