Absurd Patents Georgia CTAE Resource Network Curriculum Office, May 2009 To accompany curriculum for the Georgia Peach State Career Pathways May 2009, Meghan Cline & Dr. Frank Flanders Junior Jail ► Our inventor had probably changed one too many diapers the day this invention came to mind. It's designed to aid in diaper changing and cleaning up the aftermath. ► To use, simply place baby on his back, secure the torso barrier and strap in those cute little fluttering feet. Now take your time, relax, junior isn't going anywhere. Spitting Duck ► Some day we're going to run out of trees to make toilet paper and then we'll all be in deep cacadoodoo. Fortunately there's an inventor who already has a solution, a solution of soap and perfume that is. ► The Spitting Duck is designed to fit most toilets and instead of using toilet paper, you lift the duck's bill and a strategically placed nozzle will spray your buttooski with the secret cleaning formula. Doggie Umbrella ► Most dogs don't mind going out in the rain but if little Madison Windsor of Belmont the Third just got his coat preened, well we couldn't have him getting wet now, could we? So it's time to clamp him into the fully draped, doggone dazzling, Doggie Umbrella. It features air holes in the front so he won't fog up his personal pup tent and if your dog likes attention, he's going to be very happy wearing this geek chic. Smell This! ► P.U., what's that smell? Is malodorous breath offending your friends? It seems that people with the worst breath are usually clueless to their gaseous gaff. So how can you tell if your breath is smelly, besides waiting to see if it curls your friend's eyebrows? With the attractive, new "Smell This" breath mask! ► The instructions are simple; place the mask on your face, then breathe out through your mouth and breathe in through your nose. Whoa! Who let the dogs out?? Better grab some mints fast! Kissing Shield ► Here it is folks, hot off the presses. If you enjoy kisses but dread the idea of getting a disease, then the Kissing Shield is a "must have" item. This germ barrier consists of a thin latex membrane artfully stretched over an attractive and romantic heart shaped frame. ► The inventor states the shield is for kissing the intended recipient of the users affection and is also useful for politicians when kissing babies. Hey, they got our vote. Dad Saddle ► Yee haw, giddyup! Strollers are fine for tiny tykes but larger kids need their own modus operandi for freeloading a ride. We think this kid is way to big to not be hoofing it on his own... but hey, maybe they're watching a parade. ► The Dad Saddle slips around Daddio's waist and evenly distributes the weight load on his hips for maximum comfort. We want to know where the reins are for steering this steed and we highly recommend no spurs! Toilet Timer ► Time is of the essence. Time is money. Time waits for no one. Time to get off the throne! And how do you know when it's time to get moving? With the handy, dandy Toilet Timer. Our inventor says that often, many people have to use one bathroom, creating a serious need for bathroom time awareness. Oh, we know what you're thinking, why not put the clock on the wall like you do in the kitchen? ► Our inventor thinks that wall space in the Loo is at a premium and best left for room decor such as ceramic fishes with ceramic bubbles bubbling upwards. We guess having the Toilet Timer beats holding an egg time between your knees and the best news yet...it's flush mounted (pun intended)! Sunburn Cowboy ► Hey, we all know how to have fun in the sun. Outdoor sports and beach activities help make summer special. But sunburned shoulders are the opposite of fun so it's important to protect yourself. Well it's time to saddle-up cowboy and next time you jump into your Speedo, don't forget to don your fringe infested anti-sunburn vest. ► The fringe is designed to prevent a tan line of demarcation, but, we're thinkin' those shoulders straps will cancel out any fringe benefits. One thing we're sure of… whether he's taking a casual stroll on the beach or whacking a volleyball with the boys, our butt-less friend is sure to turn some heads.
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