FS_1113_Absurd Pate - Absurd Patents by decree


									   Absurd Patents
  Georgia CTAE Resource Network
    Curriculum Office, May 2009
  To accompany curriculum for the
Georgia Peach State Career Pathways
May 2009, Meghan Cline & Dr. Frank
Junior Jail
      ►   Our inventor had probably
          changed one too many diapers
          the day this invention came to
          mind. It's designed to aid in
          diaper changing and cleaning up
          the aftermath.

      ►   To use, simply place baby on his
          back, secure the torso barrier
          and strap in those cute little
          fluttering feet. Now take your
          time, relax, junior isn't going
Spitting Duck
       ►   Some day we're going to run
           out of trees to make toilet paper
           and then we'll all be in deep
           cacadoodoo. Fortunately
           there's an inventor who already
           has a solution, a solution of
           soap and perfume that is.

       ►   The Spitting Duck is designed to
           fit most toilets and instead of
           using toilet paper, you lift the
           duck's bill and a strategically
           placed nozzle will spray your
           buttooski with the secret
           cleaning formula.
Doggie Umbrella
        ►   Most dogs don't mind going out
            in the rain but if little Madison
            Windsor of Belmont the Third
            just got his coat preened, well
            we couldn't have him getting
            wet now, could we? So it's time
            to clamp him into the fully
            draped, doggone dazzling,
            Doggie Umbrella. It features air
            holes in the front so he won't
            fog up his personal pup tent and
            if your dog likes attention, he's
            going to be very happy wearing
            this geek chic.
Smell This!
      ►   P.U., what's that smell? Is
          malodorous breath offending your
          friends? It seems that people with
          the worst breath are usually
          clueless to their gaseous gaff. So
          how can you tell if your breath is
          smelly, besides waiting to see if it
          curls your friend's eyebrows? With
          the attractive, new "Smell This"
          breath mask!

      ►   The instructions are simple; place
          the mask on your face, then
          breathe out through your mouth
          and breathe in through your
          nose. Whoa! Who let the dogs
          out?? Better grab some mints fast!
Kissing Shield
       ►   Here it is folks, hot off the
           presses. If you enjoy kisses but
           dread the idea of getting a
           disease, then the Kissing Shield
           is a "must have" item. This
           germ barrier consists of a thin
           latex membrane artfully
           stretched over an attractive and
           romantic heart shaped frame.

       ►   The inventor states the shield is
           for kissing the intended
           recipient of the users affection
           and is also useful for politicians
           when kissing babies. Hey, they
           got our vote.
Dad Saddle
     ►   Yee haw, giddyup! Strollers are
         fine for tiny tykes but larger kids
         need their own modus operandi
         for freeloading a ride. We think
         this kid is way to big to not be
         hoofing it on his own... but hey,
         maybe they're watching a

     ►   The Dad Saddle slips around
         Daddio's waist and evenly
         distributes the weight load on
         his hips for maximum comfort.
         We want to know where the
         reins are for steering this steed
         and we highly recommend no
Toilet Timer
      ►   Time is of the essence. Time is
          money. Time waits for no one. Time to
          get off the throne! And how do you
          know when it's time to get
          moving? With the handy, dandy Toilet
          Timer. Our inventor says that often,
          many people have to use one bathroom,
          creating a serious need for bathroom
          time awareness. Oh, we know what
          you're thinking, why not put the clock
          on the wall like you do in the kitchen?

      ►   Our inventor thinks that wall space in
          the Loo is at a premium and best left for
          room decor such as ceramic fishes with
          ceramic bubbles bubbling upwards. We
          guess having the Toilet Timer beats
          holding an egg time between your knees
          and the best news yet...it's flush
          mounted (pun intended)!
Sunburn Cowboy
     ►   Hey, we all know how to have fun in the
         sun. Outdoor sports and beach activities
         help make summer special. But
         sunburned shoulders are the opposite of
         fun so it's important to protect
         yourself. Well it's time to saddle-up
         cowboy and next time you jump into your
         Speedo, don't forget to don your fringe
         infested anti-sunburn vest.

     ►   The fringe is designed to prevent a tan
         line of demarcation, but, we're thinkin'
         those shoulders straps will cancel out any
         fringe benefits. One thing we're sure of…
         whether he's taking a casual stroll on the
         beach or whacking a volleyball with the
         boys, our butt-less friend is sure to turn
         some heads.

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