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The Gazette Wednesday, May 12, 2010 B1
Unruly Children: How to Manage Them
We have all heard the terms principles when disciplining a bad behavior occurs, even if tant to explain the reasons spanking has a positive effect
'terrible twos', 'tween terror' child: doing so is inconvenient for behind family rules and con- on behavior. On the other
and 'teen mean', etc. And the • Set up rules clearly: expec- parents. sequences for bad behavior. hand, spanking could physi-
struggles of parents to deal tations and consequences • Command respect: Par- • Be creative: Sometimes cally harm children, make
with a certain unruly child are should be communicated to ents should not need to finding a creative compromise them fearful of parents (which
all too familiar to most of us. children very clearly. You demand respect. They need to between the child's and par- is not constructive) and teach
What is an unruly child? should make sure your child convey an aura of being in ents' wishes may be the best them that violence is accept-
A child who does not con- understands both. Conse- charge and in control; thereby approach. able.
form to family/societal rules, quences should be realistic commanding respect. • Be willing to apologize: What if nothing works?
does not respect authority and and proportional to the degree • Listen and explain: It is Parents make mistakes too It is time to take your child
exhibits out of control behav- of bad behavior. important that the child feels and if you do, apologizing to to a mental health specialist.
ior should be considered • Be consistent: Bad behav- he/she is being heard even if your child is very appropriate. It is crucial to seek profes-
unruly. Many parents and DR. RAKESH RANJAN ior should be met with spelled you, as parents, disagree with • Show respect: Showing sional help earlier than later.
families have a tendency to out consequences every time him/her. It is also very impor- due respect to children not Also, if you, as parents find
write unruly behavior off by criminal acts as adults. This only conveys caring, but also yourself getting angry often,
making statements like 'kids underscores the need for par- teaches them good manners losing control, feeling
will be kids' and 'he/she is just ents, families, schools and • Praise: It is very important depressed or getting physical
being a teenager'. However society to carefully curb to provide praise, especially with children, it is time for you
unruly behavior by children of unruly behavior. for specific behavior, when in to seek professional help for
all ages should be taken seri- So, how should parents best order. yourself.
ously for the sake of their manage an unruly child? What not to do... Next Week: Bullying: Two
safety and future, safety of The foremost issue for par- • Don't be a buddy: Parents Sides of the Coin
others and overall functioning ents to realize is that disciplin- need to be the best guides not The purpose of this article is
of society. ing should be started very the best friends. Keeping this for educational purposes only.
Why some children are early in childhood. The differ- clear-cut boundary helps you
It is not intended to diagnose
unruly? ence between the right and establish yourselves as the
or treat any medical or psychi-
Unruly behavior could result the wrong; between the authority figures.
atric issue. Dr. Rakesh Ranjan
from a variety of factors. Most acceptable and the unaccept- • Do not use the 'angry'
is a practicing psychiatrist and
common causes are poor par- able can be communicated by word: When communicating
a researcher. He is a recipient of
enting, negative home envi- parents to children at a very with the child regarding need
several research awards and
ronment, neglect, etc. Poor early age, both through verbal for change in behavior,
self-esteem and genetic fac- and non-verbal cues. It is a emphasize your concerns not has authored several peer-
tors also play a role. Children, balancing act to show love and anger. reviewed journal articles and
by nature, test boundaries, but caring, and also to be firm and • Do not threaten: It is espe- book chapters on psychiatric
the above-listed predisposing in control when it comes to cially important not to make illnesses and their treatments.
factors tend to exaggerate that managing any child. Setting any unrealistic threats you He is a national speaker for
tendency; thus leading to up the household rules, deter- cannot carry out. several organizations and
unruly behavior. It is impor- mining the consequences for • Do not start power strug- serves on the medical advisory
tant to realize that habitually breaking rules and ensuring gle: Children will try to get you board for the NAMI of Greater
unruly behavior could also be the safety of child/others are into a power struggle. Do not Cleveland. If you or a loved
a manifestation of an at the heart of proper disci- fall for it. Be clear, calm, direct one is experiencing any symp-
untreated psychiatric condi- plining. and firm. Do not argue. Fol- toms that would lead you to
tion such as conduct disorder, It is important to remember low through with conse- believe that there could be a
mood disorder, or anxiety dis- that the goal of disciplining is quences. mental imbalance, please e-
order, etc. to teach and not to punish. • Do not be derogatory: Do mail your questions to Dr. Ran-
Consequences of unruly With that in mind, I suggest not call your child a name or jan at askthedoctor@charakre-
behavior in childhood... the following 'what to do' and act like you are giving up on search.com. Each Wednesday,
There is good evidence that 'what not to do' lists. him/her. Do not attempt to Dr. Ranjan will address some of
many children who remain What to do? humiliate. these questions in this column.
incorrigibly unruly during It would be wise to pay What about spanking? All contact info will be kept
childhood tend to engage in attention to the following There is no evidence that confidential.
Fully Alive Living
Walking Through The Loss Of A Family Pet
His name was "C.K." and I get bad, so I went out and dug ian. While I was alarmed by the boys a digital camera and experience with death was the
buried him last week. a hole on a friend's property, what I saw, I knew I needed to camcorder to record a "last loss of a pet. Those who expe-
For 15 years, he was my preparing for the worst. It talk with my vet into order to day" with C.K. The memories rienced a tragic chaos of an
family's dog, friend, house- turned out God gave us an speak to my kids with credibil- they made will last a lifetime. animal crying out and dying
hold protector, and pet peeve. extra year with my "puppy," ity. • We kept the appointment. seem to fear death; others talk
(If you've ever owned a dog, until last week when he exhib- • We sat down as a family. I As I pulled out of the driveway about the difficult-but-con-
you know exactly what I ited symptoms that revealed it began with, "We know C.K. with our dog, I heard my boys trolled circumstances they
mean.) was going to end soon and has been really sick a long cry out in a way I hope I never went through in putting an
C.K. is short for "Clark badly. time. God gave us an extra hear again. As tempting as it animal down and how it
Kent," although many people Many of you may face a year with him, but I spoke was to turn around, I took our helped them recognize the
assumed it meant we had a similar situation, so here are with C.K.'s doctor and she told dog to the vet while my wife role death currently plays in
weird fascination with Calvin TONY MYLES the steps we took, right or me that it's gotten worse and comforted the boys at home. our world.
Klein perfume. My wife said I wrong: he is dying. We have the Everyone wept hard, including
could give him this name • We determined not to choice to let her help him die me. One day it won't, though.
since I've always been a In another home, the mail • We had back-up. I knew That's incredible news for
Superman fan (and she'd came through a slot on our I'd be an emotional wreck so I those of us who embrace
never name our future kids door and C.K. would rip it out had a good friend help me God's promise that "He will
"Lois" or "Clark"). of the mailman's hands, mak- transport and bury our dog. I wipe every tear from their
It all started 15 years ago ing bite marks that made bill also can't say enough good eyes. There will be no more
when I headed out of our paying quite humorous. Wher- things about our vet, Dr Janine death or mourning or crying
small house and kissed my ever we lived, we had to Pepin. She created a warm or pain, for the old order of
bride goodbye. Standing on replace carpet… and in one environment for a hard things has passed away."(Rev-
our mini-porch, we saw a little home, an actual door that he moment, took paw prints of elation 21:4)
puppy actively sniffing around ate his way through. our dog for my boys to keep,
the property we lived on. My We couldn't cage him either. and even sent flowers that In the meantime, the Bible
wife knew exactly where this Once when we tried we came arrived at our home within an isn't clear on if our pets are in
was heading. home to find that he was walk- hour of it all happening. heaven, although it does hint
"We can't." ing around the house, and yet • We followed-up person- at the presence of animals. My
"But honey," I said, "we the cage was still intact. ally. I purchased flat stones for boys hope that one day we'll
haven't even talked about it. Granted, there was a handful our family to decorate - a large see our dog again, and I think
Look, I know the ladies are of hair from where he'd forced headstone and four medium- my wife and I yearn for that,
coming over in a few minutes his forty-pound medium-sized sized squares. We decorated too.
for lunch, so how about if he's body through the two-inch them with personal thoughts,
still here when I get back then gap between the bars. and later placed them by his All I do know is that his
we'll talk about keeping him?" Then again, this was life grave. name was "C.K." and I buried
"Argh, fine," she said, head- with our superdog and we • We didn't move on. Many him last week.
ing in. were used to it. He was quirky, people have asked if we plan
Double-checking she wasn't but he wasn't aggressive. to get another pet, but we
looking out the window, I fed When my sons were born, C.K. haven't. It's easy in our world "Fully-Alive Living" offers
the dog. "Ironically," he was did the usual sniffing and to "replace" our hurt with
somehow knew and took on weekly insights to serve you in
still there when I came home. something new, but clogging taking another step forward in
I lifted him up, put his face his role was to not be the up a hole doesn't help it to
"baby" of the household but to matters of the heart, soul,
side-by-side with mine, and heal.
look out for them like he had mind, body, and relationships.
knocked on our door. I know some people will dis-
us. Still, he enjoyed playtime, With over 20 years of experi-
"Can we keep him?" I asked, agree with our decisions,
flashing my brown eyes and be it "let's chase the squirrel" thinking we either waited too ence and advanced education
his at my wife. She never had to "hey, give me my sock long or should've let our dog in working with people of all
a chance to resist. back." Whenever we'd play die naturally and painfully. ages, Tony Myles and his family
That first month was a chal- family hide-and-seek, C.K. I've learned, though, that live in Medina where he serves
lenge, for not only did C.K. always give my position away. many adults tell their psychol- as the Lead Pastor of Connec-
arrive full of burrs and dirt but Five years ago we had to ogists that their first defining tion Church.
also had a codependency we temporarily move in with my
hadn't planned on. At night wife's parents. Unfortunately, react. This last year was hard, without pain, and that's what
we tried putting him in our C.K. couldn't come with and it as not only did C.K. became mom and I believe we should
laundry room and kitchen, but was difficult for us all. He
became a symbol of hope for
more codependent but he did- do." Balance Of Life Clinic
his constant whining and n't realize how loud his natu- • We dialogued honestly. My Supporting Your Commitment To Better Health
scratching exhausted us to let when life would feel "normal" ral noises had become. He also 9-year old wanted to know
him sleep on our bedroom again. After 11 months apart, struggled with natural body what would happen, and my Physician Specializing in Integrative,
floor. we were all tears when we functions, from horrible gas to 6-year old wanted to know if Preventive and Complementary Medicine
There was also the hurdle of picked him up from a kind random urination. My wife we'd see him in heaven. We
his desire to chew on every- caretaker. and I resolved, though, to not took each aside and gave them Clifford M. Sonnie, M.D., M.P.H.
thing. We once came home to About a year ago we noticed end it because it was incon- simple, true answers that www.BalanceofLifeClinic.com
find our backroom entirely full that C.K. had lost his hearing venient, modeling commit- matched their questions with-
of paper products from our and the spring in his step was ment to our kids. out "over-answering" them.
fading. The vet told us it would 3985 Medina Road Suite 250, Medina, OH 44256 (330) 764-4242
wedding that he'd shredded. • We called our veterinar- • We used technology. I gave
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