Unruly Kids!!!

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The Gazette                                                                                                                                                                   Wednesday, May 12, 2010              B1

                       Unruly Children: How to Manage Them
   We have all heard the terms                                           principles when disciplining a     bad behavior occurs, even if       tant to explain the reasons           spanking has a positive effect
'terrible twos', 'tween terror'                                          child:                             doing so is inconvenient for       behind family rules and con-          on behavior. On the other
and 'teen mean', etc. And the                                              • Set up rules clearly: expec-   parents.                           sequences for bad behavior.           hand, spanking could physi-
struggles of parents to deal                                             tations and consequences             • Command respect: Par-             • Be creative: Sometimes           cally harm children, make
with a certain unruly child are                                          should be communicated to          ents should not need to            finding a creative compromise         them fearful of parents (which
all too familiar to most of us.                                          children very clearly. You         demand respect. They need to       between the child's and par-          is not constructive) and teach
   What is an unruly child?                                              should make sure your child        convey an aura of being in         ents' wishes may be the best          them that violence is accept-
   A child who does not con-                                             understands both. Conse-           charge and in control; thereby     approach.                             able.
form to family/societal rules,                                           quences should be realistic        commanding respect.                   • Be willing to apologize:            What if nothing works?
does not respect authority and                                           and proportional to the degree       • Listen and explain: It is      Parents make mistakes too                It is time to take your child
exhibits out of control behav-                                           of bad behavior.                   important that the child feels     and if you do, apologizing to         to a mental health specialist.
ior should be considered                                                   • Be consistent: Bad behav-      he/she is being heard even if      your child is very appropriate.       It is crucial to seek profes-
unruly. Many parents and            DR. RAKESH RANJAN                    ior should be met with spelled     you, as parents, disagree with        • Show respect: Showing            sional help earlier than later.
families have a tendency to                                              out consequences every time        him/her. It is also very impor-    due respect to children not           Also, if you, as parents find
write unruly behavior off by        criminal acts as adults. This                                                                              only conveys caring, but also         yourself getting angry often,
making statements like 'kids        underscores the need for par-                                                                              teaches them good manners             losing control, feeling
will be kids' and 'he/she is just   ents, families, schools and                                                                                   • Praise: It is very important     depressed or getting physical
being a teenager'. However          society to carefully curb                                                                                  to provide praise, especially         with children, it is time for you
unruly behavior by children of      unruly behavior.                                                                                           for specific behavior, when in        to seek professional help for
all ages should be taken seri-         So, how should parents best                                                                             order.                                yourself.
ously for the sake of their         manage an unruly child?                                                                                       What not to do...                     Next Week: Bullying: Two
safety and future, safety of           The foremost issue for par-                                                                                • Don't be a buddy: Parents        Sides of the Coin
others and overall functioning      ents to realize is that disciplin-                                                                         need to be the best guides not           The purpose of this article is
of society.                         ing should be started very                                                                                 the best friends. Keeping this        for educational purposes only.
   Why some children are            early in childhood. The differ-                                                                            clear-cut boundary helps you
                                                                                                                                                                                     It is not intended to diagnose
unruly?                             ence between the right and                                                                                 establish yourselves as the
                                                                                                                                                                                     or treat any medical or psychi-
   Unruly behavior could result     the wrong; between the                                                                                     authority figures.
                                                                                                                                                                                     atric issue. Dr. Rakesh Ranjan
from a variety of factors. Most     acceptable and the unaccept-                                                                                  • Do not use the 'angry'
                                                                                                                                                                                     is a practicing psychiatrist and
common causes are poor par-         able can be communicated by                                                                                word: When communicating
                                                                                                                                                                                     a researcher. He is a recipient of
enting, negative home envi-         parents to children at a very                                                                              with the child regarding need
                                                                                                                                                                                     several research awards and
ronment, neglect, etc. Poor         early age, both through verbal                                                                             for change in behavior,
self-esteem and genetic fac-        and non-verbal cues. It is a                                                                               emphasize your concerns not           has authored several peer-
tors also play a role. Children,    balancing act to show love and                                                                             anger.                                reviewed journal articles and
by nature, test boundaries, but     caring, and also to be firm and                                                                               • Do not threaten: It is espe-     book chapters on psychiatric
the above-listed predisposing       in control when it comes to                                                                                cially important not to make          illnesses and their treatments.
factors tend to exaggerate that     managing any child. Setting                                                                                any unrealistic threats you           He is a national speaker for
tendency; thus leading to           up the household rules, deter-                                                                             cannot carry out.                     several organizations and
unruly behavior. It is impor-       mining the consequences for                                                                                   • Do not start power strug-        serves on the medical advisory
tant to realize that habitually     breaking rules and ensuring                                                                                gle: Children will try to get you     board for the NAMI of Greater
unruly behavior could also be       the safety of child/others are                                                                             into a power struggle. Do not         Cleveland. If you or a loved
a manifestation of an               at the heart of proper disci-                                                                              fall for it. Be clear, calm, direct   one is experiencing any symp-
untreated psychiatric condi-        plining.                                                                                                   and firm. Do not argue. Fol-          toms that would lead you to
tion such as conduct disorder,         It is important to remember                                                                             low through with conse-               believe that there could be a
mood disorder, or anxiety dis-      that the goal of disciplining is                                                                           quences.                              mental imbalance, please e-
order, etc.                         to teach and not to punish.                                                                                   • Do not be derogatory: Do         mail your questions to Dr. Ran-
   Consequences of unruly           With that in mind, I suggest                                                                               not call your child a name or         jan at askthedoctor@charakre-
behavior in childhood...            the following 'what to do' and                                                                             act like you are giving up on         search.com. Each Wednesday,
   There is good evidence that      'what not to do' lists.                                                                                    him/her. Do not attempt to            Dr. Ranjan will address some of
many children who remain               What to do?                                                                                             humiliate.                            these questions in this column.
incorrigibly unruly during             It would be wise to pay                                                                                    What about spanking?               All contact info will be kept
childhood tend to engage in         attention to the following                                                                                    There is no evidence that          confidential.

Fully Alive Living
                      Walking Through The Loss Of A Family Pet
   His name was "C.K." and I                                             get bad, so I went out and dug     ian. While I was alarmed by        the boys a digital camera and         experience with death was the
buried him last week.                                                    a hole on a friend's property,     what I saw, I knew I needed to     camcorder to record a "last           loss of a pet. Those who expe-
   For 15 years, he was my                                               preparing for the worst. It        talk with my vet into order to     day" with C.K. The memories           rienced a tragic chaos of an
family's dog, friend, house-                                             turned out God gave us an          speak to my kids with credibil-    they made will last a lifetime.       animal crying out and dying
hold protector, and pet peeve.                                           extra year with my "puppy,"        ity.                                  • We kept the appointment.         seem to fear death; others talk
(If you've ever owned a dog,                                             until last week when he exhib-        • We sat down as a family. I    As I pulled out of the driveway       about the difficult-but-con-
you know exactly what I                                                  ited symptoms that revealed it     began with, "We know C.K.          with our dog, I heard my boys         trolled circumstances they
mean.)                                                                   was going to end soon and          has been really sick a long        cry out in a way I hope I never       went through in putting an
   C.K. is short for "Clark                                              badly.                             time. God gave us an extra         hear again. As tempting as it         animal down and how it
Kent," although many people                                                 Many of you may face a          year with him, but I spoke         was to turn around, I took our        helped them recognize the
assumed it meant we had a                                                similar situation, so here are     with C.K.'s doctor and she told    dog to the vet while my wife          role death currently plays in
weird fascination with Calvin            TONY MYLES                      the steps we took, right or        me that it's gotten worse and      comforted the boys at home.           our world.
Klein perfume. My wife said I                                            wrong:                             he is dying. We have the           Everyone wept hard, including
could give him this name                                                    • We determined not to          choice to let her help him die     me.                                     One day it won't, though.
since I've always been a            In another home, the mail                                                                                     • We had back-up. I knew           That's incredible news for
Superman fan (and she'd             came through a slot on our                                                                                 I'd be an emotional wreck so I        those of us who embrace
never name our future kids          door and C.K. would rip it out                                                                             had a good friend help me             God's promise that "He will
"Lois" or "Clark").                 of the mailman's hands, mak-                                                                               transport and bury our dog. I         wipe every tear from their
   It all started 15 years ago      ing bite marks that made bill                                                                              also can't say enough good            eyes. There will be no more
when I headed out of our            paying quite humorous. Wher-                                                                               things about our vet, Dr Janine       death or mourning or crying
small house and kissed my           ever we lived, we had to                                                                                   Pepin. She created a warm             or pain, for the old order of
bride goodbye. Standing on          replace carpet… and in one                                                                                 environment for a hard                things has passed away."(Rev-
our mini-porch, we saw a little     home, an actual door that he                                                                               moment, took paw prints of            elation 21:4)
puppy actively sniffing around      ate his way through.                                                                                       our dog for my boys to keep,
the property we lived on. My          We couldn't cage him either.                                                                             and even sent flowers that               In the meantime, the Bible
wife knew exactly where this        Once when we tried we came                                                                                 arrived at our home within an         isn't clear on if our pets are in
was heading.                        home to find that he was walk-                                                                             hour of it all happening.             heaven, although it does hint
   "We can't."                      ing around the house, and yet                                                                                 • We followed-up person-           at the presence of animals. My
   "But honey," I said, "we         the cage was still intact.                                                                                 ally. I purchased flat stones for     boys hope that one day we'll
haven't even talked about it.       Granted, there was a handful                                                                               our family to decorate - a large      see our dog again, and I think
Look, I know the ladies are         of hair from where he'd forced                                                                             headstone and four medium-            my wife and I yearn for that,
coming over in a few minutes        his forty-pound medium-sized                                                                               sized squares. We decorated           too.
for lunch, so how about if he's     body through the two-inch                                                                                  them with personal thoughts,
still here when I get back then     gap between the bars.                                                                                      and later placed them by his            All I do know is that his
we'll talk about keeping him?"        Then again, this was life                                                                                grave.                                name was "C.K." and I buried
   "Argh, fine," she said, head-    with our superdog and we                                                                                      • We didn't move on. Many          him last week.
ing in.                             were used to it. He was quirky,                                                                            people have asked if we plan
   Double-checking she wasn't       but he wasn't aggressive.                                                                                  to get another pet, but we
looking out the window, I fed       When my sons were born, C.K.                                                                               haven't. It's easy in our world          "Fully-Alive Living" offers
the dog. "Ironically," he was       did the usual sniffing and                                                                                 to "replace" our hurt with
                                    somehow knew and took on                                                                                                                         weekly insights to serve you in
still there when I came home.                                                                                                                  something new, but clogging           taking another step forward in
I lifted him up, put his face       his role was to not be the                                                                                 up a hole doesn't help it to
                                    "baby" of the household but to                                                                                                                   matters of the heart, soul,
side-by-side with mine, and                                                                                                                    heal.
                                    look out for them like he had                                                                                                                    mind, body, and relationships.
knocked on our door.                                                                                                                              I know some people will dis-
                                    us. Still, he enjoyed playtime,                                                                                                                  With over 20 years of experi-
   "Can we keep him?" I asked,                                                                                                                 agree with our decisions,
flashing my brown eyes and          be it "let's chase the squirrel"                                                                           thinking we either waited too         ence and advanced education
his at my wife. She never had       to "hey, give me my sock                                                                                   long or should've let our dog         in working with people of all
a chance to resist.                 back." Whenever we'd play                                                                                  die naturally and painfully.          ages, Tony Myles and his family
   That first month was a chal-     family hide-and-seek, C.K.                                                                                 I've learned, though, that            live in Medina where he serves
lenge, for not only did C.K.        always give my position away.                                                                              many adults tell their psychol-       as the Lead Pastor of Connec-
arrive full of burrs and dirt but     Five years ago we had to                                                                                 ogists that their first defining      tion Church.
also had a codependency we          temporarily move in with my
hadn't planned on. At night         wife's parents. Unfortunately,       react. This last year was hard,    without pain, and that's what
we tried putting him in our         C.K. couldn't come with and it       as not only did C.K. became        mom and I believe we should
laundry room and kitchen, but       was difficult for us all. He
                                    became a symbol of hope for
                                                                         more codependent but he did-       do."                                Balance Of Life Clinic
his constant whining and                                                 n't realize how loud his natu-       • We dialogued honestly. My       Supporting Your Commitment To Better Health
scratching exhausted us to let      when life would feel "normal"        ral noises had become. He also     9-year old wanted to know
him sleep on our bedroom            again. After 11 months apart,        struggled with natural body        what would happen, and my           Physician Specializing in Integrative,
floor.                              we were all tears when we            functions, from horrible gas to    6-year old wanted to know if        Preventive and Complementary Medicine
   There was also the hurdle of     picked him up from a kind            random urination. My wife          we'd see him in heaven. We
his desire to chew on every-        caretaker.                           and I resolved, though, to not     took each aside and gave them       Clifford M. Sonnie, M.D., M.P.H.
thing. We once came home to           About a year ago we noticed        end it because it was incon-       simple, true answers that           www.BalanceofLifeClinic.com
find our backroom entirely full     that C.K. had lost his hearing       venient, modeling commit-          matched their questions with-
of paper products from our          and the spring in his step was       ment to our kids.                  out "over-answering" them.
                                    fading. The vet told us it would                                                                            3985 Medina Road Suite 250, Medina, OH 44256 (330) 764-4242
wedding that he'd shredded.                                                 • We called our veterinar-        • We used technology. I gave

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