The Varsity Diaries by pengxiuhui

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GIVE A MAN A FISH AND HE’LL SAY HE CAUGHT IT
WEEK 13 EDITION | 3 JULY 2009




The Varsity Diaries
How much has life really changed?

CAMPUS LIFE                           MISCELLANY          SATIRE

Becoming an                           Sex life of         Diary of the
entrepreneur                    >06   dictators     >10   Skinny Wog             >14
                                WEEK 13 EDITION | 3 June, 2009




                                                                                                     04               10
     > Arghya Gupta prend son velo, et treize editions d’Honi Soit,                                                         > Jonno Seidler is tired of the Cross
                                                 au tour de France                                                          > Anna Leacock on the sex life of dictators
                > Michael Krasovitsky explains public nudity                                                                > Michael Krasovitsky loses his wallet
                                                                                                     05
                   > Alex Lee on a controversial Manning performance
                                 > Paul Mackay on the formula SAE
                                                                                                                      11
                                                                                                     06                      > Bronwyn Cowell catches up with the author of Stuff
                > Matthew Sweeney on becoming an entrepreneur                                                                White People Like
             > Mark Di Stefano interviews the CEO of Sydney Talent
                                                                                                                      12
                                                                                                                             > George Downing uncovers student diaries from ages
                                                                                                                             past

                                                                                                                      14
                                                                                                                             > Mark Di Stefano channels the Kings Cross wogs
                                                                                                                             > Project 52 bring the funny
                                                                                                                             > Joe Smith Davies does DotA


                                                                                                                      20
                                                                                                                             > Reviews World Press Photo Exhibition, Reuben Guth-
                                                                                                                             rie and My Year Without Sex
                                                                                                                             > Will Atkinson on the USU Band Comp
                                                                                                                             > Jason Paperman sends a postcard home from down
                                                                                                                             under

                                                                                                                      22
                                                                                                                             > Anusha Rutnam twirls away
                                                                                                                             > Joy Payten reports on the Rawson Cup




                                             SIMONGREINER.BLOGSPOT.COM




                                                                    EDITOR IN CHIEF Sriram Srikumar
              EDITORS Will Atkinson, Katherine Connolly, Bronwyn Cowell, Mark Di Stefano, George Downing, Giselle Kenny, Michael Krasovitsky, Alex Lee, Paul Mackay
               REPORTERS Jonno Seidler, Anna Leacock, Joe Smith Davies, Anusha Rutnam, Tim Whelan, Georgia Flynn, David Mack, Vivienne Egan, Danika Armytage
                             CONTRIBUTOR Arghya Gupta, Matthew Sweeney, Joe Payten, Jason Paperman, Sean Cosgrove, Project 52, Ellie Graham
                                   GRAPHIC DESIGN George Downing and Paul Mackay COMIC Simon Greiner CROSSWORD Ben Jenkins

                                                    ADVERTISING Publications.manager@src.usyd.edu.au/PO Box 794, Broadway NSW
                                                 PRINTER Marrickville Print and Design, Unite E1, 46-62 Maddox Street, Alexandria, NSW 2015

DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space
and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is
written, printed and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Mike Mackertich, Patrick Wall, Elly Howse and Samuel Moginie. All
expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or
                                                 information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions.
Tell him he’s                            tian) perspective on homosexuality.
                                         Perhaps surprisingly homosexual-
                                                                                        groups will alienate Honi Soit’s more
                                                                                        sensitive readers. Far from trivialising
dreaming                                 ity is mentioned just six times in the
                                         Bible thrice in both the Old and New
                                                                                        the problem of paedophila in society,
                                                                                        The Column’s “very unoriginal” attack       As we head into the timeless student
The Bull Editors                         Testament respectively. (References            on the Catholic Church once again           routine of assessment season, Honi’s
                                         are: Lev. 18:22; Lev. 20:13; Romans            highlights the obvious - the Catholic       feature looks at the lives and habits
Dear Honi,                               1:26-27; Genesis 19:4-5; 1 Corinthians         Church has harboured, and no doubt          of students that attended USyd back
                                         6:9-10 and 1 Timothy 1:9-10.) In each          continues to protect, systemic child        when it was known as the Varsity.
We were somewhat disturbed in a          and every instance homosexuality is            abusers. Sickening crimes committed         From skinny jeans to take away coffee
recent edition of Honi to discover       seen as an affront to God and there-           by the supposed morally righteous           and iPhones, the life of the noughties
that we had been the victims of com-     fore a sin.                                    no longer batter an eyelid, eliciting       student may seem a far cry from that
mercial censorship. Evidently the                                                       instead a shake of the head - look to the   of the 19th Century elite. Yet, The
powers that be have also censored        Secondly, Christian belief does not            recent Irish inquest for an example of      Varsity Diaries expose a surprising
our memories, as none of us seem to      presume that homosexual love and               how prolific this problem is. Perhaps       similarity.
recall it ever happening. It would be    heterosexual love are inherently dif-          criticising the Church in this matter
surprising if anyone with such fantas-   ferent, or that it is impossible for a         appears unoriginal because, sadly           Far from being stuck in an archaic
tic mind control powers could even be    homosexual couple to have a loving             enough, the opportunity does not            past, this week’s Honi is jam packed
bothered with student publications.      and fulfilling relationship. The issue         arise infrequently.                         with evidence of a busy student body;
                                         is that God made creation and has                                                          automotive engineers, entrepreneurs,
Happy editing.                           a set purpose for it, part of that             Before I offend too many sensibili-         exchange students finishing up their
                                         purpose was for man and woman to               ties, let me say one last thing. Charity    semester and college Rugby players
We’re so hot                             come together in a romantic/sexual/
                                         familial relationship. Homosexual-
                                                                                        status does not provide the Church
                                                                                        with immunity from criticism, and
                                                                                                                                    fighting for the Rawson Cup are all to
                                                                                                                                    be found in the following pages.
Russell Schmidt, Arts/Law III            ity is presuming that we as created            nor should it. No doubt plenty of good
                                         humans know better than God how                is done in the name of Catholocism,         The pages of Honi were always in-
Dear Honi,                               to run His creation. (I appreciate that        but this is tarnished by the Church’s       tended as a space where people from
Paying out on UTS is getting old (al-    this is bordering on the nature Vs.            medieval attitude to sexuality, moral-      various arms of the university commu-
though kudos to you so far). UNSW        nurture debate, personally (i.e. not all       ity - and not least its poor track record   nity could share their stories. In that
also has a hideous tower building too,   Christians may agree) I feel as a non-         in preventing child abuse. Far from         spirit, we encourage our readers to
have you considered spreading the        queer identifying individual it would          being “tasteless and unwarranted”,          get involved. Write us a letter, request
love?                                    be callous of me to take sides in such         The Column’s criticisms were spot           coverage, send in articles; each week’s
                                         a debate.)                                     on. Here’s an organisation that             pages are a product of exactly such
                                                                                                                                    involvement and contributions.
Christian                                Finally, to clear up the idea that sex
                                                                                        (laughably) touts itself as the world’s
                                                                                        premier moral authority, with a
homosexuality                            is just for procreation, sex does way
                                         more than that. Biblically, sex has
                                                                                        hotline to the creator of the universe.
                                                                                        If this is not worthy of derision from
                                                                                                                                    For those who are tired of the campus
                                                                                                                                    life, you’ll find the usual array of
Philip Roser, Education III              two main functions, first to cleft man         a paper aimed at university students        banter, hilarity and tidbits of ques-
                                         and wife together in total unity and           - the world’s premier skeptics and          tionable relevance (the best kind!)
In just wanted to point out a few        oneness. Secondly, to pro-create.              anti-authoritarians - then nothing is.      littered throughout.
things in response to the back and
forth concerning homosexuality and                                                      Cheers to Honi Soit for having the guts     Best of luck and happy holidays.
Christianity.                            Josh Bradford, Science I
                                                                                        to say something controversial. I’ll be
                                         I have to confess I was completely con-        telling all my friends to start reading.
Firstly, evangelical Christians con-                                                                                                                  Sriram Srikumar
sider the Bible to be the word of God.   fused by Hannah Vieira’s letter in last
As such one must look to the Bible to    week’s edition, though I interpreted it
                                         largely as fear that mocking religious         I’m addicted to                             dent’s ability to report on, ‘How he’s
see God’s (and therefore the Chris-
                                                                                        Honi Soit                                   been fulfilling his duties.’ Three weeks
                                                                                        Josh Santilli, Arts/Law I                   later, Catherine Dillon suggested that
                                         Still on ‘the idea of equality’, we are told                                               Noah spent too much time, ‘Casually
                                         that it ‘demands’ of architecture that                                                     wandering around campus seemingly
                                         it ‘be able to relate to its surroundings      Honi’s cryptic crosswords are my            indifferent to the functioning of the
                                         with elegance and poise’. Does he              crack cocaine. I smuggle them into tu-      rest of the world.’
                                         mean to say simply that architecture           torials and lectures and to be honest,
                                         ought to be elegant? And, if so, how           if I had to conceal them internally         O ye of little faith. Noah’s crusade
                                         could the ‘idea of equality’ possibly          I would. Fairly new to the world of         against the Ancient Briton (reported
                                         demand elegance of architecture?               cryptics the experience has brought         in last week’s Rumour Mill) shows
                                         He says elegance would help to ‘give           me newfound pleasure: intellectual,         his readiness to fight in defence of the
The ideological and editorial            dignity’ to the ‘idea of equality’ but         spiritual…. sexual.                         SRC and its interests. The confronta-
whims of Honi editors often lead         this sentence is hardly less puzzling.                                                     tion of the AB goons and pursuit of
to creative student contributions.                                                      So, you can imagine my dismay when          their employer Vince Seeto is truly
In 2001, an editor penned a piece        Moving right along, we are told                I open last week’s edition to find eight    characteristic of the President, as once
on the aesthetics of authoritarian       Adam’s ideal architecture would                clues either missing or misplaced! (17      again he threatens to fuck someone
architecture. The reply from Prof        ‘create an effervescent atmosphere in          down, 18 across, 23 down, 24 across,        up. This incident confirmed that
F. L. Wright of the architecture         which freely shaped writhing forms             23 down, 24 down, 23 across and 15          Noah is truly Honi’s White in shining
faculty of UNSW is priceless…            gesticulate the individuality of persons       down) Is this some incredibly witty,        armour, and that Seeto’s self-serving
                                         and communities’. How a freely shaped          post-modern part of the cryptic I’m         promotional policies are shamed only
                                         writhing form could ‘gesticulate’              incapable of deciphering? Are you           by those of the President himself.
Dear Honi,                               anything, let alone the ‘individuality         just entertaining your sadist tenden-
                                         of persons’, is a complete mystery             cies? Or perhaps more likely, has
Adam McGrath, in his thoroughly          to me. By way of explanation, Adam             the under-appreciated cryptic simply
                                                                                        been neglected from the proofreading
                                                                                                                                    In poor taste
bewildering      article,    ‘Leave      says architecture’s aesthetic should                                                       Roberta Diamond, Arts I
your utopias at the door’, takes         be ‘like the carefree conversation             process?
freedom of expression to bold            of friends meeting in the street’. I                                                       I’m sure the napalmed Vietnamese
new heights. Having wrested free         can just hear someone in the street            Either way, it’s happened before            kids would appreciate your taste-
from such petty conventions              commenting to his friend, ‘Have you            (Edition 7) - and whilst slitting my        less attempt at humour. If you must
as basic grammar and general             seen just how much that building over          wrists via an Honi-inflicted paper          continue your snobby attacks on UTS
comprehensibility, Adam’s flight of      there resembles our conversation!’             cut might be a nice way to go; leaving      please don’t trivialise the real suffer-
fancy (much like the monstrosities                                                      cryptic crackwhores like myself not         ing of innocent people.
he decries therein) could well do        To ice the cake, his concluding remark         so clueless next time would be much
with some serious deconstruction.        is a contradiction in terms. ‘Please’,         appreciated.
                                         he laments ‘never again asceticism,
For example, according to Adam,
circles not only have ‘cadence’,
                                         but forever aestheticism!’ Had he
                                         only known the meaning of these                Oh Noah...                                            SEND LETTERS &
but are ‘synonyms for equality’.         terms, he would also have known that           Ellen Smith,                                         CONTRIBUTIONS TO
Does he mean to say that they are        asceticism is an aesthetic of its own.
symbols for equality? Or perhaps he      Wordplay must first make sense to              Noah White’s work ethic has been                          honi2009
is proposing we amend the famous         be clever. And this from an editor!            the subject of many letters published                    @gmail.com
French revolutionary slogan to                                                          in Honi Soit this year. Edition 4 saw
read, ‘Liberty. Circles. Fraternity’?    Published in Honi Soit, 2001                   Anna Reoch questioning the Presi-


                                                                                                                                                            >03
Honi’s Guide to... Le Tour de France
Arghya Gupta can ride un velo.
                                            talent of the rider, without the aid of     tive time over le Tour, also known as
21 DAYS, 3445 KM, 180 RIDERS, 1             a pace setting group or slipstreaming.      the General Classification (GC). The       Sydney’s private schools have been
WINNER. AND FRANCE.                         Riders with extremely cool bikes and        yellow jersey is usually a good beacon     trying to force parents into bank-
                                            helmets are terrific distractions.          to see where the most action is occur-     ruptcy in order to claim millions of
The Tour de France is a big cycle race.                                                 ring on any given stage. Leaders of        dollars in unpaid fees. Schools like
A tour of the country of France, as a       Mountain stages, however, have              the sprints get a green jersey, while      St Joseph’s, Kincoppal Rose Bay and
good translator may deduce. And 2009        everything. They sort the 10 real con-      the mountains leader gets a polka-dot
brings with it the 96th edition of the      tenders from the 170 pretenders, they       jersey. The best rider under 25 wears      The Scots College are desperate to
race run by French media association        are the catalysts for drug testing, and     a white jersey.                            collect unpaid fees and have taken 13
the Amaury Sport Organisation. Over         they shake up the whole race pretty                                                    families to court. “We can’t even af-
21 days (known as ‘stages’), 20 teams       damn good from the start of a stage to      WIll lANCE ARMStRoNG WIN?                  ford the new horse stables.They were
of 9 riders work their way through          the end of it.                                                                         going to be made of gold,” wailed
the countryside, the villages, and the                                                  No. But he is in very good form and        one school administrator. “Won’t
mountains of France to win, or to help                                                  could push for a podium, despite           somebody think of the children!”
someone else win, the world’s most                                                      racing for the first time in four years.
popular test of endurance.                                                              The main battle will be between previ-     The Federal government is
                                                                                        ous winners Alberto Contador and           considering a request made by
FlAt StAGES, MouNtAIN StAGES,                                                           Carlos Sastre, with perennial also-        President Obama, that Australia
tIME tRIAlS                                                                             rans in Australian Cadel Evans, Denis      resettle some of the detainees
                                                                                        Menchov and Levi Leipheimer also           from the Guantanamo Bay
Basically, the 21 stages are either one                                                 posing a threat. There’s also a host
                                                                                        of other guys with a good chance, but      prison camp. Obama person-
of three types; flat, mountain, or time                                                                                            ally made the request of Kevin
trial. Flat stages generally have the                                                   your money should go on Contador.
whole bunch of riders, the peloton,                                                                                                Rudd, that “Australia was once
finish the whole stage together, and                                                    thEY’RE All A buNCh oF                     a great, united convict nation.
are generally quite boring to watch         the brits invade... on bikes                ChEAtS, I C.b.F. WAtChING                  So it has been. So it must be
until the last three kilometres or so                                                                                              with this generation of convicts.
when the cyclists with the biggest                                                      They’re still superhuman, whether          The time has come to reaffirm
thighs blast out of their blocks and race   So MANY jERSEYS                             they’re on drugs or not. And even          that enduring spirit; to choose
to the finish line at 70-80 km/h while                                                  if the Alps, the crazy roadside fans,      that better history. Yes you can!”
copping elbows and knees from fellow        The leader, and eventual winner, of le      or Lance can’t get you watching, at
riders and disrespectful spectators.        Tour wears the famed yellow jersey.         least Gabriel Gate with his ‘Taste le      A study conducted by the Austra-
                                            This is given to the cyclist who has fin-   Tour’ segment will change your life.       lian Centre for Philanthropy and
Time trials measure the individual          ished each stage in the lowest cumula-                                                 Non-Profit Studies has shown that
                                                                                                                                   politicians were amongst those who
                                            “Stop racist human skin phobia”. In         that “there may be circumstances in        gave the highest donations to char-
                                            2005, Bethell became the first person       which the exposure of the breasts of       ity in 2007, with generosity reaching
                                            in Britain to stand trial completely in     a woman is capable of being regarded       record levels. A follow-up study
   Public Nudity                            the nude.                                   as obscene, and that it is not difficult
                                                                                        to imagine circumstances in which the
                                                                                                                                   done by the Australian Institute
                                                                                                                                   For Determining Whether Anyone
Michael Krasovitsky... what a man!          So we like being naked in public.           exposure of a person’s buttocks could      Gives a Crap, has found that no one
                                            Good. But, is it legal? The Summary         be obscene”. Legally, however, there
                                                                                                                                   cares, people are sick of politicians
Public nudity has been an important         Offences Act 1988 says that “A person       is no precedent of this. While having
                                            shall not, in or within view from a         your breasts exposed in public is not      trying to make themselves look
part of our history. Don’t believe me?
Well...                                     public place or a school, wilfully and      illegal in Australia, private businesses   good, with 98% of respondents
                                            obscenely expose his or her person”.        may prohibit showing of breasts on         preferring that politicians “shut
As early as the second centruy, the         Okay, but what is a person’s person?        their premises.                            up and run the country already.”
Adamites, or Adamians, an old Chris-
tian sect, practiced “holy nudism”.         There are three ways of interpreting        If you want to get involved in nudist      The NSW State of Origin squad
Circa 1050, Lady Godiva rode naked          the term ‘person’. In NSW, ACT and          activism, you can start by getting in-     trained overtime last week in Car-
through Coventry to reduce taxes.           NT law, ‘person’ relates to the geni-       volved in the World Naked Bike Ride,       lton, and as a result, left hundreds
From the 1960s, public nudity had           tals. This means that it is a criminal      an annual nudist (or semi-nudist)          of young victims of the Victorian
become an important part of political       offence to have your genitals or even       bike ride through Sydney.                  bushfires waiting in the cold for
activism with groups rallying behind        the genital region displayed publicly.                                                 an hour and a half. A spokes-
slogals like “I’d rather go naked than      If you are visibly involved in stimulat-
                                            ing yourself sexually, you are liable                                                  man for the team said, “Rugby
wear fur” and “disrobe for disarma-
ment”. On 6 December 1996, three            under clause 5 of the Summary Of-                                                      League does not have an image
women managed to climb Mount                fences Act.                                                                            problem. Those guys are mates,
Warning, near the NSW-Queensland                                                                                                   they’re risk takers, they’re giving
border, totally nude. Finally, who          But are genitals the only suggestive                                                   110%, most people love that. They
could forget Vincent Bethell, founder       body part? What about the breasts, or                                                  sincerely apologise for any pain
of the nudist “The freedom to be your-      bum? In Regina v. Eyles 1997, Justices                                                 this has caused their families.”
self” movement and now President of         CJ. Gleeson, J. Sully and J. Bruce state
Death rapper sparks controversy at USYD’s Formula SAE team on the
Manning Bar                        road again
Alex Lee                                                                                   Paul Mackay

All female staff at Manning Bar were         2008.                                         The USYD Formula SAE team                     differential, electronics and steering.
taken off the roster for the perfor-                                                       continued its march to Melbourne              They will also start test driving at Oran
mance of infamous rapper Necro on            The performance drew over 300 pa-             this week, with a fund raising effort         Park in order to skill up drivers for the
Saturday night.                              trons, just over that of a regular band       that showed off the team’s new car to         dynamic events.
                                             comp heat, with six people ejected for        students passing through Darlington
Manning Bar supervisors advised staff        intoxication, four for violent behaviour      Campus.                                       The University of Sydney team is also
that no females would be working the         and one patron taken away by police.                                                        one of very few in which undergraduate
gig, due to fears for their safety from                                                    Since 2001, the School of Aerospace,          students build the majority of the
the ‘King of Death Rap’ and his fans.        After Necro’s performance was over he         Mechanical      and       Mechatronic         parts – most teams outsourcing this
                                             invited “all the bitches” backstage for       Engineering has facilitated the team’s        manufacture.
Concerned bar staff have raised ques-        the after party, with reports from staff
tions regarding the suitability of an        that included 15 men and one woman
artist who lyrics include “I cracked         in the Manning Band Room.
her in the face with a wrench/Now
she’s on the floor/Like a dirty whore/
Reaching for the door” performing at
a USU venue.
                                                       SEND LETTERS &
“We’re not just a music venue, we’re                  CONTRIBUTIONS TO
part of, and representing the Univer-
sity of Sydney Union, an organisation              honi2009@gmail.com
which has always been in support of
equality for women” said Neal Down-                  Only submissions with your
ward, barman at Manning, in an email                   name, year and faculty
to other staff members.                                   will be accepted.

President of the Union, Ruchir Pun-
jabi, says that he was unaware of the
event and that the Union “would cer-                                                       entry into the annual Competition run         While the University contributes
tainly look into not having it in the fu-
ture”.                                       BB’s Closing                                  by Society of Automotive Engineers
                                                                                           (SAE), with students designing,
                                                                                                                                         greatly to the team’s funding, their
                                                                                                                                         $40,000 is dwarfed by the $200,000
                                                                                           constructing and racing a small open-         budgets of last year’s most successful
According to Ruchir, the Union cur-          The Wentworth food corridor is set            wheeled car.                                  teams. It is possible to complete an
rently does not have an overarching          for change, with BB’s Cafe to close in                                                      entry for much less however; an
policy about the type of events that are     June.                                         The year’s work culminates in                 enterprising team from India last year
allowed to run at their venues, and the                                                    December’s three-day event in                 constructing their entire vehicle from
Union are looking into restructuring         BB’s staff claim the close is forced, with    Melbourne, with teams from across             crashed road-cars.
policies in this area.                       the Union failing to renew their con-         Australia, New Zealand, Europe and
                                             tract for the site. Rumours suggest that      the USA competing in design and               At last year’s competition, USYD
Brooklyn rapper and hardcore por-            it is due to the cafe’s non-participation     costing, as well as dynamic driving           placed in the middle of the pack, while
nography director, Necro is the self-        in the Access Card scheme.                    events.                                       trialling a completely new engine type
described “most brutal rapper on the                                                                                                     and setup. With greater confidence
planet” whose lyrics include acts of         BB’s staff are asking patrons to sign a       This year’s team of 14 Engineering            and experience, this year’s team is
rape, hanging, dismemberment and             petition in support of a renewed lease,       Honours students have already                 looking to improve on that result.
bludgeoning. His CD/DVD combina-             but with the Union pushing for greater        completed the car’s design work and
tion, featuring the album ‘Sexorcism’        Access benefits it may be difficult.          over the semester break will build and
with the porn feature ‘Sexy Sluts: Been                                                    integrate the main components of
There, Done That’ was released in                                                          the car: the frame, suspension, rims,




Vox Pops!
Alex Lee talks some massive library-nerds.

 QUESTIONS...
 1. What are you doing in the library?                                                              2. What’s your number one study tip?
 3. Most annoying habit people have in the library?                                                 4. Shag, Marry, Kill – Fisher, Schaeffer, SciTech?




Alistair Magee, Arts/Science V               Tina Moshkanbaryans, Education/Arts III       Charmain Lo, Arts V                           Tom Walker, Arts II
1. I came to start an assignment. However    1. Well, I came here to study for             1. Writing notes from my week 5 psych         1. Writing about art. Because I’m a
upon opening my books I was overcome         something important but decided tackling      scribbles on learning and behaviour, trying   wanker.
with drowsiness and ended up having a        the cryptic might be more fun. It wasn’t.     to be inconspicuously non-law in the law      2. It is not acceptable to list your word
two hour nap.                                I’m not very good at things.                  library.                                      count for a 50% essay as 80085.
2. Anyone can just avoid study, try to be    2. Coloured pencils make everything           2. Have a pal or group to test you on the     3. Reading intimidatingly big and heavy
creative in your procrastination.            better.                                       material. Then you know exactly how           law books while I’m re-reading the
3. Borrowing the books that I want.          3. I saw someone slurping soup in here        much you know.                                Guzman y Gomez take-away menu for
4. Kill - Schaeffer. Can’t miss what you     once. She looked like she’d done it before.   3. Eating tabouli or something like that at   the fifth time.
don’t know. Shag - Scitech. She’s still      That was pretty annoying, I guess.            the desks when you’re trying to study.        4. Kill Schaeffer, that’s where people
young, pretty and eager to impress but she   4. Shag Schaeffer, but only once. Marry       4. Shag Scitech, Marry Fisher, Kill           who wear berets study. Marry Fisher, it’s
tries too hard with her quirky outfits and   Fisher, because my name would be Tina         Schaeffer.                                    dependable, if a little homely-looking.
accessories. Marry- Fisher. She’s someone    Fisher. Kill Scitech, ew, science                                                           Shag Scitech, it’s the snazzy quirky girl
you can comfortably spend a lot of time                                                                                                  who probably has a mental illness.
with.
                                                                                                                                                                   >05
Time to pull the plug?
CAREERS Matthew Sweeney, President of the Young Entrepreneurs Society, reckons it might not be such a bad idea.
Richard Branson dropped out of school       The three men were as diversified as        without loss of enthusiasm.” Another
at 16. Walt Disney at 16. Henry Ford at     they come – one dropped out of school       example given was that of Michael Jor-
16. Bill Gates at 17. Michael Dell made     in year seven; one was a chartered ac-      dan – he is the best basketball player
it to 19. Steve Jobs made it to semester    countant who only ever dropped out of       in the world, but has failed more shots
one of uni…                                 a doctorate. One was from the online        than anyone else.
                                            world; one from the traditional busi-                                                   Ape-Woman
Do we see a trend emerging?                 ness world, one from the manufactur-        The event was content-rich, but the
                                            ing world. In turn, they gave a synopsis    main notion that those in attendance        From behind it appeared that she
Last Tuesday, 300 students turned up        of their career thus far, and then took     took away from the day was the inspi-       could be any young lady. Her sweet
to fill 160 seats at a Sydney University    the audience through a step-by-step         ration that they can start a business       singing voice, a fine, feminine figure
Young Entrepreneurs Society (YES)           guide of how they would turn an idea        today, and that they should – right         and long silky hair. Then she turned
event ‘So You Want To Be An Entre-          into business.                              away.                                       around. The beard or moustache
preneur – How To Turn An Idea Into a                                                                                                may well have been the first things
Business!’ to find out. People filled the   Notably, the panelists addressed a key      After the success of this event, YES will   you noticed. At the time the crowds
aisles in a stifling Carslaw lecture the-   flaw of Australian business culture –       be holding plenty more next semester,       noticed her ‘forehead made of black
atre to hear Tim Pethick (the founder       our perception of failure. In many oth-     including workshops on how to come          leather,’ her eyes ‘all pupil,’ her
of Nudie Juice, serial entrepreneur,        er countries around the world, failure      up business ideas, and how to raise the     ‘chin pure monkey,’ and her nose
and former General Manager of Ency-         is embraced as a necessary step on the      money to implement them. So don’t           little more than a flat ‘excrescence’.
clopaedia Britannica), Wesley Gorton        path to success (the US, for example,       drop out of uni just yet…. Instead, join
(the 21 year old founder of AdWords         where entrepreneurship is much more         the community of active, business sav-      Known as the ‘Ape-Woman,’ the
Management) and Daniel Boland (an           prolific). But that’s not the culture       vy student entrepreneurs by emailing        ‘Baboon Lady,’ and even the ‘Bear-
advisor to start-ups with Clearly Busi-     here. Rather, fear of rebuke is greater     President@yesusyd.org.au.                   Woman,’ Julia Pastrana was a 19thC
ness) chat about how to develop busi-       than the desire for success. To this, one                                               showman’s dream. She could sing,
ness ideas, and what it’s like to be an     visiting entrepreneur quoted Winston        Let’s make lots of money and roll in it     dance and she was truly one of a
entrepreneur.                               Churchill, who recognized “success          together!                                   kind. Julia hit America, Canada
                                            consists of going from failure to failure                                               and Europe with great success.

Chief talent                                                                                                                        Isolated for most of her life for being
                                                                                                                                    a freak, and then further restricted by
STAFF INTERVIEW Mark Di Stefano interviews his boss, the CEO of Sydney Talent                                                       her husband who wanted to ensure
                                                                                                                                    she was a scarce commodity, the
                                            The intention of Sydney Talent              Lots of students work in bars and           birth of Julia’s first child was more
                                            in the last few years has been to           hospitality because they can be             than she could have hoped for. Much
                                            find students employment, how               guaranteed a high hourly rate.              to her horror, the child was born
                                            did this idea form?                         How did Sydney Talent come                  with the same condition as she; with
                                                                                        up with the flat hourly payment             hair all over the body. Worse still,
                                            The question that Government and            scheme, when other industries               it died after having lived for only
                                            businesses were asking universities         are likely to charge different              two days. Julia died three days after
                                            was, “why are students not ‘work            rates?                                      that, apparently of a broken heart.
                                            ready’?”.
                                            Let me present you with a fact- 85% of      This is something we were really sensi-     Yet, her life in show business was far
                                            all students work. If you asked a tute      tive about, and conscious not to ‘short     from over. Her husband sold Julia’s
                                            group, “how many of you are working         change’ students for their hard work.       body, and that of her only child, to a
                                            casually?”, most hands would shoot          We had an independent remuneration          Russian scientist who embalmed her.
                                            up. So if they are all working, then why    consultant, Hewitt CSI, come in and         Realising that even dead Julia was a
                                            was everyone complaining? Because           develop a salary framework which is         showstopper, he bought her back for
                                            students are the ones working in low-       market competitive (eds note: Sydney        more than he received in the sale.
                                            skilled and low-wage jobs. What we          Talent offer higher hourly rates than
Firstly, I think I have to apolo-           call ‘low labour’.                          working in hospitality or retail).          Over the course of the next cen-
gise. In a recent article, I mis-           In the climate that we are in, when                                                     tury, the deceased Julia was paraded
represented your organisation               economic factors are emphasising the        With the other income, we cover             around Europe, lost in warehouses
by implying that it was a catch-            high skilled jobs, our students- with       payroll tax and superannuation for the      and personal collections; she was
all employment program run                  the most potential to contribute- are       employer, plus all the statutory costs      attacked, beaten and torn apart. In
through the University. How far             working in the lowest sectors. Sydney       including OHS.                              1990 her body was ‘rediscovered’
off the mark is that?                       Talent formed as an advocacy group,                                                     in Norway, in the basement of the
                                            whose job it was to address the             Then of course we have general busi-        Institute for Forensic Medicine.
I don’t think you have to apologize at      anomaly: students are choosing to           ness practice costs, which leaves the
all! What your article did, is exactly      work through their degrees, sacrific-       business margin being reinvested            Her sad story has yet to come to
what we have been trying to do here at      ing study time, and not arriving at the     back to the student experience, as I        an end. Her lifeless body still on
Sydney Talent, that is, shattering the      market ready to work.                       mentioned before, at the discretion of      display; objectified in the present
perceptions of the vocational potential                                                 the Board.                                  as she was in the past. Julia Pas-
of certain degrees. Your article was        But, Sydney Talent doesn’t take                                                         trana, the undying Ape-Woman.
fantastic in doing that, namely in the      everyone. What are you looking              Who is on the Board of Sydney
Arts.                                       for in a student, and how many              Talent?
                                            are you looking to take?
You believe you can find the                                                            It’s a balanced board of leading aca-
vocational potential in an Arts             SydneyTalent welcomes all students          demics from the University of Sydney,
degree?                                     of the University to register with          and members of industry and com-
                                            us, from first years to postgraduate        merce. We also have a Compliance
Of course! I personally believe that a      students and also encompasses inter-        Representative from the University of
liberal education in the Arts is bril-      national students, across all faculties     Sydney and a Student Representative,
liant both for students and potential       and disciplines.                            Rose Khalilizadeh.
professional organisations. It provides
a foundation for later ‘skilled learning’   We seek to match the candidate with         What would you say to those
because it stimulates the inquiring,        their ideal placement, and that process     students who are in faculties,
innovative and emotional maturity           is dictated by the availability of those    like Law and Engineering, who
of a student. Let me tell you that my       roles.                                      don’t believe Sydney Talent is for
daughter is currently at ANU studying       Our business model forecasts, at            them?
Arts, and I couldn’t be happier!            maturity, we will place 15% of the 85%
But let me give an example of some-         of workers at University of Sydney.         I’d say don’t assume that we cannot
thing that I witnessed the other day. A     Which translates to employment for          advocate for you. For example, if a Law
bank took a student trained in philoso-     6,000 students. And for the students        student came to us and said, “I don’t
phy into their marketing department.        not among those 6000, SydneyTal-            want to be a corporate lawyer, I want
A bank! This is something that we are       ent’s reinvestment margin goes back to      to get involved in policy making or
seeing more and more of in recruit-         all students in many ways, for example      management consultancy”, we could
ment recently.                              better facilities, student services, eL-    find a job that will equip them with
                                            earning etc..                               those skills.

>06
                  Preparation vs. The All-nighter                                                                                    More enigmatic than James Boag

Preparing Early                             Fisher library, smoking a joint. But
                                            unfortunately, what I most prefer is
                                                                                        standard of the Sydney University ex-
                                                                                        perience since the night before its es-
                                                                                                                                    While speaking at an Airforce
Michael Krasovitsky                                                                                                                 Academy graduation, one of Joe
                                            not necessarily what is needed for a        tablishment in 1850. Why? Because           Biden’s teleprompters was blown
                                            successful assessment. We have to           the all-nighter allows no excuses,          over by the strong wind. Referencing
There’s absolutely no question: doing       adapt to the work we’re given, and this     gives no mercy and expects nothing
work in advance is better for your stress                                                                                           Obama’s self-confessed reliance on
                                            starts in how we approach it. So put        less than the bare minimum. The all-        the teleprompter. the VP quipped
levels, for your peace of mind and,         Honi down and go do that assessment         nighter is responsible for such ques-
of course, for your grades! Sure, you                                                                                               “What I am going to tell the president
                                            that’s not due for another week. Do it.     tionable academic practices as foot-        when he learns his teleprompter
might get a huge hit of adrenaline the                                                  note mining (going to the footnotes
night before, which will allow you to do                                                                                            is broken? What will he do then?”
                                            This article was successfully written       of a source and pretending you found        Someone ought to mention to Joe that
your assessment, but how good is your       and proofed by 11:31 on Wednesday           what they did all by yourself), bibliog-
work going to be? Because it’s done                                                                                                 since Obama is generally agreed to be
                                            27th, four days before print deadline.      raphy padding (same thing, but in a         the best political orator the world has
hastily, you have less time to research                                                 bibliography) and the long extended,
and to think of original arguments.                                                                                                 seen for some time, maybe ragging
                                                                                        indented quote of questionable rel-         on the guy about how he presents
Moreover, the last minute scramble                                                      evance. But the all-nighter isn’t about
to the finish will likely mean that your                                                                                            his speeches is a good example of not
                                                                                        being average. It’s about getting the       choosing your targets very wisely.
work is full of mistakes, simply because                                                thing done, double spaced, and dusted.
you haven’t had enough time (or no-
doz) to thoroughly proof your work.                                                                                                 AFL commentator Ken Judge
                                                                                        But every now and then, the all-night-      apologized this week for an ill-
                                                                                        er produces a gem, a mystical coales-       considered remark made during
But fine, hypothetically, you manage                                                    cence of the subconscious and second-
to research/proof/complete your ar-                                                                                                 a game last weekend, where he
                                                                                        ary sources, a synthesis of thought and     declared a fellow commentator
gument extensively in the twelve hours                                                  caffeine, an argument so stunning and
before your essays due. What about                                                                                                  was “bigger than Hitler’s last gas
                                                                                        original you deserve another episode        bill”. Silly Ken. What he doesn’t
you?! Screw the essay, why would you                                                    of Scrubs before you force yourself
possibly want to put yourself through                                                                                               realize is that the bill for all the
                                                                                        to keep going. That kind of brilliance      gas used in the camps wasn’t
that? Even if you have a hectic sched-
ule, surely stealing an hour from ev-       The All-Nighter                             doesn’t come from smug prepara-             technically “Hitler’s gas bill”. It
                                            Giselle Kenny                               tion, and weeks of actual work, but         would have been charged to the
ery day to work on the essay is bet-                                                    the dizzying highs and devastating
ter than hyping yourself up the night                                                                                               German state. More to the point
                                            It’s 10pm. It’s quiet. You’ve watched       lows of the all-nighter rollercoaster.      though, Germany was in such a
before and ploughing through it? If
you like doing your essays all at once,     a couple of episodes of something                                                       sorry state by the end of the war,
                                            awesome. You’ve had a four-course           The magic of the all-nighter begins         they probably didn’t have the
then work with that. Do it all at once                                                  once darkness falls, you have the
the week before. That way, you can          snack, tidied your room, read the pa-                                                   bureaucracy to keep tabs on gas
                                            per, gone on Facebook and alpha-            whole night ahead of you, and it’s like     use and then issue bills for it.
still ponder it after it’s completed, and                                               time isn’t passing at all. 1 am, 3am,
perhaps, if something new and amaz-         betised your CD collection. It’s time
                                            to cut the shit, you’re staring down        5am – it’s all the same. Shit only gets     But back to Joe Biden who, along with
ing comes to mind, even add it in.                                                      real at sunrise, and by then it’s time to
                                            the barrel of a fast approaching dead-                                                  Silvio Berlusconi, can be thanked for
                                            line. You feel tired, but also mildly       accept that some sentences just don’t       Gaffeman’s continued survival. It has
Now I know the arguments: ‘I work                                                       need verbs and have a power nap.
best when the pressures on, I need          hysterical. Assemble the wit arsenal,                                                   been reported that during a dinner at
the impending deadline to get me into       only one thing will save you now –                                                      the Gridiron club (a fancy journalist’s
that study mode.’ Well la dee fuck-         an all-nighter. It’s time to get started.                                               club in Washington), Biden acciden-
ing dah, I work best sitting naked in       The glorious all-nighter has been a                                                     tally revealed the location of Obama’s
                                                                                                                                    super secret emergency bunker. Now
                                                                                                                                    Gaffeman isn’t given to conspiracy
                                                                                                                                    theories, but something tells us
                                                                                                                                    Biden’s slip mightn’t have been all
                                                                                                                                    that accidental. VP might smell a
                                                                                                                                    promotion, that’s all we’re saying.

                                                                                                                                    Mayor of New York Michael
                                                                                                                                    Bloomberg became the latest
                                                                                                                                    victim of foot-in-mouth disease
                                                                                                                                    last Monday when he said that
                                                                                                                                    people should “consider them-
                                                                                                                                    selves lucky” to contract the
                                                                                                                                    disease because it seems to be
                                                                                                                                    relatively mild. With two swine
                                                                                                                                    flu deaths in New York already,
                                                                                                                                    Bloomberg is cementing his
                                                                                                                                    place in the city’s history as the
                                                                                                                                    “Mayor Who Cares”.
                                                                                     A
                                                                                OT UR? m
                                                                              G O l.co
                                                                             RUM@gma
                                                                                       i
                                                                               200
                                                                                   9       Twice annually, during student
                                                                                i
                                                                             hon           elections, we are treated to a raft
                                                                                           of rhetoric that seeks to convince
                                                                                           us of the need to make our time
Coupled reports                                                                            at university about more than just
                                                                                           a degree. We are told that rather
It seems the cross-institutional                                                           than focusing solely on academic
cooperation between Usyd SRC Pres                                                          pursuits, we should round ourselves,
Noah White and his UTS counterpart                     MICHAEL SPENCE, VC                  and engage in the cultural, social
(and significant other) Petra McNeilly
Rutledge has been taken to a new                       OXFORD IS NOT                       and sporting spheres of university
                                                                                           life. While the benefits of a rounded
level. Noah’s presidential report
on higher education in the week 7                      ACTUALLY A                          education still ring true, the
                                                                                           promotion of these spheres was
edition of Honi is identical to Petra’s
presidential report in the May edition
                                                       VERY GOOD                           made far more difficult when the
                                                                                           Howard Government introduced
of Vertigo, that fine UTS student
publication. Who’s been stealing pages
                                                       INSTITUTION.                        Voluntary Student Unionism (VSU)
                                                                                           in 2006. This change cut funding
out of the other’s diary in the middle                 SYDNEY IS                           and hurt the services that make our
of the night? Who’s been taking notes
during pillow talk? Let’s hope those
crazy kids work it out – and start
                                                       BETTER.                             time at USYD about more than just
                                                                                           a degree, and the University has
                                                                                           struggled to redress the damage
writing their own reports.                                                                 done in many areas of student life.

                                                                                           The Rudd Government also has done
                                                                                           little to redress the damage.While the
                                                                                           recent $5.7 billion budget package
SAfeastonsweet,                                                                            has in places moved forward,
sweet capitalism                                                                           deficit and a looming election leave
                                                                                           universities unconfident of change,
                                                                                           and looking to further secure
After spending a tiring day fighting the                                                   international student placements as
Man, the Socialist Alternative enjoyed                                                     a source of income. Optimistically
some of his tasty donuts as they held                                                      however,         the     Government’s
their weekly meeting at Wentworth’s                                                        introduction of the Higher Education
Donut King. As their eyes glazed over                                                      Amendment (Student Services,
with less-than-revolutionary fervour,                                                      Amenities and Other Measures) Bill,
the meeting appeared jam-packed                                                            which faces the Senate next month,
with bourgeois apathy. Capitalist                                                          allows for the introduction of a $250
consumerism, it seems, is perfectly                                                        fee, administered by universities to
fine provided it comes with icing and                                                      fund sporting, cultural, welfare and
chocolate sprinkles. Honi wonders if                                                       advocacy services. The Bill aims to
this choice of meeting place betrays                                                       reinvigorate the services that effect
a chink in their socialist armour? A                                                       student life, without the politicisation
hole, one might say, in their reserve?                                                     rife in student unions. This is an aim
We feel that the SA’s self righteous-                                                      Honi fully supports.
ness has come full circle and they’re
finally done and (cinnamon) dusted.                                                        Of course, this will come at a cost
                                             The delicious, delicious Man.                 to students, though the legislation
                                                                                           allows for this cost to be deferred
                                                                                           along with HECS payment. Further,
                                                                                           investment in the services that fuel
                                                                                           student life is not a cost that we should
                                                                                           baulk at. We feel quite fortunate in
                                                                                           that student publications here at
                                                                                           USYD have retained funding and can
                                                                                           continue to facilitate the contribution
                                                                                           and publishing of student work.
                                                                                           Other universities have not been
                                                                                           so lucky, the Australian National
                                                                                           University for example has had the
                                           Bullshit.                                       budget for its magazine, Woroni, cut
                                                                                           from $70,000 to $10,000. Honi stands
                                                                                           currently as the only weekly student
                                                                                           newspaper in the country, standing
                                                                                           against a growing tide of cutbacks
                                                                                           and downsizing. This is a worrying
                                                                                           trend not only for the historical
                                                                                           record of universities and the cultural
                                                                                           benefit they bring to current student
                                                                                           life, but to the ongoing development
                                                                                           of journalists in our country. Student
                                                                                           publications are an important part
                                                                                           of each university’s landscape, and
                                                                                           universities should do all they can
                                                                                           to nurture such initiatives. As should
                                                                                           students, to ensure their continuance,
                                                                                           and ensure future generations are
                                                                                           able to enjoy education for all it is –
                                                                                           and that is more than just a degree.


                                                                                           Paul Mackay




>08
(Chk Chk) Boom Dirty Despots
Jonno Seidler is tired of partying in a warzone                                        Anna Leacock delves into dictatorial dalliances
Forget Afghanistan. Don’t even worry       times, they’re actually far more lucid
about Iraq. It’s time we brought our       than the revelling night invaders.
Australian troops home to a place
they’re really needed: Kings Cross.        The police, naturally, are nowhere to
Sydney’s favourite entertainment           be seen. Since Premier Rees intro-
precinct has spiralled out of control      duced his flawed ‘dangerous venue’
and now resembles more of a war zone       rating system, club managers deal
than a cosmopolitan party area. The        with incidents largely by themselves,
body count is definitely high enough;      for fear of filing a police report and
on every corner a catatonically drunk      getting a strike beside their name. It’s
woman sits covered in her own vomit,       more likely that the cops are on Oxford
while down the road fully grown men        St, taking sniffer dogs to expose harm-
brawl over absolutely nothing, groups      less ecstasy users while Armageddon
of hysterical teenagers dart across        is happening a mere suburb away.
Bayswater Rd like cars don’t exist         And recreational ecstasy users are
and weekend smokers line the gutters       harmless, especially when compared
sucking down toxins they never touch       to the kind of public and social havoc
during their nine to five.                 heavy drinkers and cocaine suppliers
                                           are wreaking weekly.
It makes sense to liken Kings Cross to
those trashy zombie flicks of yore, the    Inside the recesses of a new nightclub,
ones where you get out of your house       drug deals are happening right under
and realise that everybody’s been          management’s noses. Unable to hear
infected but you. Being a sober twenty-    each other over the obnoxiously loud
something in Darlinghurst Rd is not        excuse for music, twenty-somethings
only a rarity, but also a dangerous        set up their ecstasy supply for the
proposition. Drunken people tend to        night by typing conversations to each
roll past each other, constantly moving    other on their IPhones. “3 dingers,
(or falling) about. By remaining static,   90 bucks?” reads one, on a screen so
or even walking in a straight line, you    luminously large that it might as well      Who’s the most Aryan of them all?
make yourself a target for any number      be the Coke sign. The other, all Diesel
of antisocial degenerates. You’re liable   and Lacoste, swipes his friend’s hand       Henry Kissinger so rightly said;             reasons. It cannot be otherwise’.
to get shoved, groped, screamed at and     in some sort of perverse handshake-         ‘Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac’          Hitler’s passionate rhetoric inspired
insulted for doing absolutely nothing.     contract, and money swiftly disap-          - and what better stimulant than             females to frenzied heights of adoration.
                                                                                       absolute power? So, how kinky                Once he inspired a woman to try to
                                                                                       was Hitler? How      ravenous was            swallow the gravel he’d stepped on.
                                                                                       Mao? How horny was Castro?                   Reports describe that during his public
                                                                                                                                    speeches, many women lost control of
                                                                                       NAPOLEON                                     their bladders and urinated on the floor.
                                                                                       Napoleon’s      retainers    delivered
                                                                                       actresses when Napoleon was                  MAO
                                                                                       working, who were greeted with               In a state in which porn was
                                                                                       the seductive commands; ‘come in.            exceptionally        advanced,      Mao’s
                                                                                       Undress. Lie down’. Favourite lovers         personal collection was the largest.
                                                                                       were dressed up in the French army           When he wasn’t forming policies which
                                                                                       uniform of a plumed hat and gold-            would massacre 20-30 million, he
                                                                                       braided coat. Meanwhile, Napoleon            liked to fill the Forbidden City’s heated,
                                                                                       would prance around the bedroom,             indoor pool with naked girls, and then
                                                                                       sporting only a wreath of white roses...     join them. On a sidenote, Mao cared
                                                                                       After    his     death,    Napoleon’s        little for personal hygiene, sporting
                                                                                       penis was removed and sold                   a seductive green film on his teeth.
                                                                                       at a 1969 Christies auction.
                                                                                                                                    KIM IL-SUNG
                                                                                       STALIN                                       As a dictator in a country isolated from
                                                                                       Following the death of his wife, Stalin      international criticism, Kim Il-Sung
                                                                                       declared ‘with her have died my last         had no need to wittily seduce women
                                                                                       warm feelings for human beings’. 15-         – he merely had them kidnapped.
                                                                                       20 million Russians died accordingly.        Pretty girls of good ideological and
                                                                                                                                    social background were ‘asked’ to
                                                                                       MUSSOLINI                                    join the Satisfaction Group of the
“The fat wog said to the skinnier wog...”                                              Brutal, sexual, egotistic, Italian. Once     Korean Communist Party. No points
                                                                                       in power, he was absolutely insatiable.      for guessing their political portfolio.
Now I know why everyone loves              pears. Either way, security is so lax in    Woe betide any woman who came
                                                                                       to his office alone. Recounts agree          FIDEL CASTRO
getting smashed. It’s actually a safer     these establishments that they’re more
                                                                                       how, ignoring tedious greetings, he          Sternly brought up by priests, Castro
way to live.                               likely to deny you entry because of your
                                                                                       would launch himself physically on           was indoctrinated with a horror of sex,
                                           shoes than worry about narcotics.                                                        masturbationandhomosexuality.Once
Most importantly, all this nonsense                                                    them without warning. When on
                                                                                       campaign, he forced an affair with a         cured of the first, he used donations to
about ‘young people binge drinking’        Of course, the most happening club
                                                                                       soldier’s wife, once stabbing her in         the revolutionary cause to buy his wife
is completely disproportionate to          will always be McDonalds. Full of beau-
                                                                                       the thigh. He declared; ‘I accustomed        luxuries – which amusingly included a
the real problems of contemporary          tiful people stuffing themselves with
                                                                                       her to my...tyrannical love’. From           modest swimsuit to replace her bikini
Sydney behaviour. In every bar, it’s       fast food to fight a fast-approaching
                                                                                       Caligula to Silvio ‘The Seducer’             which was he found something of a
the thirty-plus men who lurch onto         hangover, Maccas is a ritual for pretty
                                                                                       Berlusconi, Italy certainly seems to         scandal. A particularly apathetic lover,
women, the investment bankers who          much everybody who drinks. Girls
                                                                                       produce a particular kind of man.            he often smoked throughout the act
buy rounds of shots and middle-aged        who starve themselves all week to fit                                                    and didn’t bother to remove his boots.
women who cause the most property          into impossible dresses gorge on oily
damage. It seems futile to condemn         fries, while some backpackers take the      HITLER
‘the kids’ when nobody is leading by       liberty of painting a cubist masterpiece    Hitler rejected the wild, dictatorial lust   IDI AMIN
example. On Saturday night, the in-        in ketchup. And as the prostitutes          exemplified by Mussolini. He liked           When any woman took Amin’s fancy
famous junkie set blend right into the     share Happy Meals with potential            to cower on the ground naked while           he’d casually order their husband or
social fabric. They can scream, throw      customers, it starts to feel a bit like a   his lover kicked him, amongst other          boyfriend’s execution. Women who
up, hassle strangers for cigarettes and    Family First nightmare.Call Colonel         sickening acts, which this reporter          resisted were brutally raped, their
drink out of paper bags because that’s     Clover, and round up the troops; it’s       declines to describe. His companion          breasts cut off and placed in his fridge.
what everyone else is doing. Most          time to go to war.                          Eva Braun once ominously said of             Based on public recordings, there also
                                                                                       their sex life; ‘he needs me for special     seems little doubt he ate his victims.
>10
White Guy Honi Likes
Bronwyn Cowell headed over to the Sydney Writers’ Festival to gush her way through an interview with Christian Lander, author of the immensely popular blog
turned best selling book, ‘Stuff White People Like’.

So can you give us a brief history            unbelievable to have that happen.            comments, which is a lot for a blog, so      I also think accuracy made it popular.
of how the blog got started?                                                               I don’t know if that’s a favourite but       I was brutally honest. I still find it
Yeah, sure. January 18th – I have the         Do people in Australia seem                  it’s certainly touched a nerve. A lot of     strange that it applies to so many more
date totally memorised – my friend            to get the big joke in the blog              people love the entries on Scarves and       people than I thought, but it proves the
Miles and I were just talking back and        immediately?                                 Expensive Sandwiches.                        old adage that you have to write what
forth over instant messenger about the        Australians have been amazing at                                                          you know. That’s why so many of the
TV show The Wire …                            getting exactly what I was going for.        How has the writer’s festival                posts aren’t about what white women
                                              The reaction of everyone has been, and       been for you?                                like. I mean, I’m married to a very
Which is an entry in the blog…                I was so happy to hear this, ‘I laughed      It’s wonderful, I’ve never felt more like    fantastic white woman, but I wouldn’t
Yeh it is and hilariously enough the          at half of them and I really cringed at      a rock star than I have at this festival.    get the humour just right because I’m
creator of the show’s wife is here [at the    the other half’. That was the reaction I     I had a really good event in Newtown         not living it everyday.
writer’s festival], she’s a crime writer      was always going for – it’s really funny     the other night and I think during the
and I signed a copy of the book to the        but I’m also making fun of myself.           short cab ride to the theatre we saw         Is there anything in particular
creator of the show. So that’s crazy.         Australians as a whole all got that. In      three Asian fusion restaurants, two          about Sydney that exemplifies
                                              America a lot of people sort of see it as    bookshops, a trendy children’s cloth-        whiteness, to your mind?
Anyway, Miles says that he doesn’t            ‘Thankyou for defining my culture and        ing store and three vintage stores. It       Jogging. I was making the joke that
trust any white person who doesn’t            I’m so proud of being white’ and I’m         was very fitting. I’ve been getting really   Americans have the good sense to drive
watch The Wire. Miles is Filipino, by         like ‘Noo! That’s not quite it’.             great questions from people, as well,        somewhere before they start jogging,
the way. That’s important because he                                                       and Australians are really aware, really     on a treadmill. In Sydney they’re out
wrote the entry on Asian girls, so that       I know you get a lot of comments             into self-deprecating humour.                jogging. Doesn’t matter about the
clears up all the racism stuff. So from       on the site, what’s the tone of                                                           weather. Also, you guys are really into
here we started talking back and forth        most of them?                                Where else has the blog taken                safety vests – like the kind that light up.
– ‘Well what are those white people           I actually stopped reading them a long       you?                                         Americans are a bit cooler than that.
doing instead of watching The Wire?’          time ago because some of them were           I’ve been to Canada, and to Sweden,
We were like, ‘Oh they’re doing yoga,                                                                                                   Other than that, it’s pretty much
they’re in therapy, getting divorced’. In                                                                                               the same as in the US and Canada,
that instant messenger conversation,                                                                                                    since they’re generally pretty similar
those things going back and forth I                                                                                                     societies.
decided it was funny, so I said ‘Alright,
lets start a blog’, and that was it. I                                                                                                  Since this was all a bit accidental,
started a WordPress, I typed in exactly                                                                                                 do you feel you don’t really have
what we were talking about, just stuff                                                                                                  advice for other writers, or are
white people like, and it took off from                                                                                                 there pearls of wisdom you feel
there.                                                                                                                                  like passing on?
                                                                                                                                        Not knowing about something has
What then happened between                                                                                                              never stopped me from giving advice.
that conversation and getting the                                                                                                       Or having an opinion on something. I
book deal?                                                                                                                              don’t believe you need to know about
For a long two months, I was doing a                                                                                                    stuff to talk about stuff. I do know
lot of media. Newspapers and radio                                                                                                      writing is an outrageously competitive
stations and other blogs would contact                                                                                                  world, but if its something you love
me for interviews, so I was doing a                                                                                                     doing, just write. Writing funny stuff
lot of interviews and people just kept                                                                                                  has always been one of my favourite
emailing the blog to their friends over                                                                                                 things in the world to do – making my
and over again and it just swelled.                                                                                                     friends laugh really makes me happy.
From all that traffic and that hype I                                                                                                   If you accept that as the reward, you’re
got a book agent and my book agent                                                                                                      going to be OK. Take everything else as
put the book deal in place on March                                                                                                     gravy.
31st. Then I wrote the book, it was           Thick framed glasses? Check.
published on July 1st, was a bestseller                                                                                                 I think readers can tell when you’re
by July 14th and published in Australia                                                                                                 doing something you love. I would’ve
by December.                                  so negative and quite hateful. I mean        actually, for the Swedish advertising        written this blog whether five people
                                              people can hate me, that’s totally fine, I   awards where I gave out the award for        read it or five million. Also, if you write
What proportion of stuff in the               just really don’t want to have to read it.   best copywriter. It was hilarious for        to please an audience or an editor, it
book is new?                                  It’s a bit unfortunate in a way because      me because they all knew the site and        doesn’t come out like you want it to.
About 50%. There’s also new fun               so many of the comments on the site          I was like ‘This is what white people        I’m living proof that huge things can
graphic stuff, like flow charts about         are written by really clever, really in-     aspire to – this perfect socialism and to    come around entirely by accident. I
how to name a white child. And you            sightful people so I miss them in some       look as good as you all do – if you guys     didn’t have any expectations so I don’t
know the email everyone sends when            ways. It’s a mix of really sharp stuff and   had beaches we’d all be here’.               feel that I’m owed anything.
they go travelling? They land and             then just a lot of outright racism or just
they’re like ‘I just got here and I’m in      direct hatred towards me.                    But the book is being translated into        Do you have any plans to write
an Internet café and met a crazy person                                                    Japanese and Dutch, and is getting           anything else?
from Ireland blah blah blah’. We’ve got       Accusing you of racism?                      published in the UK later this year.         The book has been optioned by
a letter like that in the book but you fill   More so accusing me of being a terrible      What I’m really hoping, desperately          Imagine Entertainment, who made
in the blanks. So you can get ready for       writer.                                      hoping, is that in Japan it’ll be viewed     Arrested Development, to make it into
what white people will be sending you.                                                     non-ironically, as a textbook. Fingers       a TV show, so we’re going out to the
                                              Is that harder to deal with than             crossed.                                     studio next month to pitch it. I’m kinda
Was it just overwhelming, that                being accused of racism?                                                                  petrified of writing a follow up book,
period between January and                    Much harder, because I know I’m not          The blog seems to be particularly            because I know there’s no way it would
when the book became a best                   a racist but I’m still not 100% about        popular amongst students, why                measure up to this one. So I’m looking
seller?                                       whether I’m a good writer.                   do you think that is?                        forward to being just an anonymous
Yeah it’s funny. People like to ask if                                                     Students have so much time on their          copywriter on a TV show. I’d be quite
I had one day where I knew it was             Do you have a favourite post?                hands, so that’s surely partly why. Also,    happy with that.
really, really big. Every single day I        Knowing What’s Best For Poor People.         college is when you’re most desperate
kept saying it can’t get any bigger than      It’s the one where I most aggressively       to prove that you’re unique, where
this, you know, 30,000 hits in a day.         insulted the incredibly pretentious          you’re going to get into weird stuff. You    ‘Stuff White People Like; A definitive
Can’t get any bigger than this – it kept      attitudes I have, like I’m this perfect      have so much free time, you can afford       guide to the unique taste of millions’
getting bigger and bigger and bigger          person, which is ridiculous. But also        to care that much about indie music or       is available at all good bookstores.
and bigger. And so it was just surreal.       partly true.                                 whatever. It’s also when you’re at your      Honi recommends it: it’s full of stuff
I didn’t feel like any of it was actually                                                  most pretentious. I know I was and           everyone will like.
happening and it could be taken away          Is there a favourite amongst                 that’s saying something, considering
at any moment and so I was just going         readers?                                     how I am now.
to enjoy it as much as possible. It was       The post on Asian girls has over 5000                                                                               >11
Well, at last, I reflected, I stood in the temple of learning, which I had so often                                                                                                        T
vainly sighed to visit. But my first impressions were dreary. The classrooms                                                                                                               i
were public schoolrooms, pure and simple, unglorified by any sign of advanced                                                                                                              u
arrangement. Their furniture consisted of plain plank desks, wooden benches,                                                                                                               Q
and a lecturer’s cedar desk. The floors were even uncarpeted. The great hall was                                                                                                           T
splendid, but gloomy; its only relief a big organ near the roof, whose burnished                                                                                                           K
escaladed pipes reflected the glories of a stained-glass window in a distant wall.                                                                                                         o
I left feeling depressed and melancholy, and to cheer myself visited the city to                                                                                                           Q
purchase my cap and gown. I think I spent that night almost entirely before a                                                                                                              w
mirror, indulging in queer antics, and making speeches to the furniture. Shall                                                                                                             y
I confess it? the absurd alpaca gown and not unbecoming trencher made me                                                                                                                   t
indescribably happy. …                                                                                                                                                                     u
                                                                                                                                                                                           i
Have you ever felt nervous, felt that the eyes of an unknown and unfriendly people                                                                                                         s
were bent critically upon you? Can you understand my feelings when, arrayed                                                                                                                s
in cap and gown, I tremblingly advanced on the morrow to the great hall? They                                                                                                              t
were terrible. I knew that I was ghastly white. My knees knocked together as I                                                                                                             w
walked, my teeth chattered in my head. I felt undressed; nay, completely naked!                                                                                                            t
I became bitterly conscious of little spots and blemishes on my skin; a small mole                                                                                                         s
underneath my right arm gave me infinite discomfort. Every now and then I                                                                                                                  w
furtively tugged at my garments to reassure myself that they were still about                                                                                                              m
me. Deathly chills chased each other over my frame, intermittently succeeded                        I soon discovered that my fellow students regarded the professors as bores, and
by burning flushes. The hall doors were barred. Involuntarily I had arrived too                     their lectures a dreary farce. Attendance was compulsory, and enforced with            L
early, but a great crowd of graduates and undergraduates was gathered on the                        fines and other penalties; otherwise the classes had become presently extinct.         i
terrace. …                                                                                          I make an exception in favour of the women. They always regularly attended,            t
                                                                                                    and seemed to put up with the infliction cheerfully. To them were assigned the         t
My relief was intense when at last the door opened, and the rush for seats                          front rows of benches, and it was noteworthy that most of the lecturers frankly        P
commenced. The students massed themselves on a daïs, the visitors about                             addressed their discourse to the front benches alone. The men “cut” lectures           o
the body of the hall. In a few moments the place was thronged and packed to                         whenever they could afford it, and lounged about the common-rooms smoking              s
suffocation. The Chancellor, accompanied by the Senate, entered, took his place,                    and gambling at cards. The few who seemed to take life seriously, and to be            s
and bowed. Instantly pandemonium reigned supreme. … A great skull, with a                           students with a purpose, were left completely to their own devices, and were           f
pipe thrust between its fleshless jaws, stuck upon a pole, was reared up from the                   looked upon by the remainder with good-humoured contempt.                              c
medical contingent — a fitting emblem of their calling — and wreaths of smoke                                                                                                              b
presently issued from its hollow eyes. Soon a mighty chant broke out, led by an                     There were about 200 freshmen in the first year. Of these a third resided in
arranged choir, and “Who Killed Cock Robin?” was howled by three hundred                            the various colleges, and the others, like myself, boarded out or lived with their     [
throats. The Chancellor read his speech, interrupted by frequent cat-calls and                      relations in the city. At first I tried honestly enough to acquire whatever benefit    o
weird cries. The Governor of the Colony, Lord Jersey and his wife, made their                       might be derivable from the lectures. I paid the greatest attention to all that        e
appearance, and were presented in turn amid a thunder of applause. “Trot her                        passed, and took copious notes. With the exception, however, of Mathematics            i
out!” yelled someone, when Lady Jersey was referred to by the Chancellor, and                       and English, two subjects presided over by really eminent speakers and able            “
the sentiment evoked a storm of approbation. I quickly lost my nervousness in                       scholars, Professors Gurney and McCallum, I was presently obliged to concur            A
these proceedings. I thought to myself — “there is, after all, very little difference               in the opinion of the majority, that time was wasted in attempting to absorb           o
between larrikins and gentlemen; gentlemen are more noisy, impertinent, and                         addresses which were no doubt profound, but unhappily obscured with verbiage,          t
better educated, but less brutal; that is all.”                                                     stilted and halting. The trouble was that each lecturer had a different system         d
                                                                                                    of delivery, which he made no effort to render either interesting or intelligible,
                                                                                                                                                                                           E
The Governor made a speech which was not the least attended to, and no sooner                       and, saving the exceptions I have mentioned, they appeared to consider their
had he finished than another song was sung. The oath was administered, and                          offices as sinecures. Perhaps they were very learned and earnest men; they were
the new undergraduates received, amid an uproar that never ceased; and finally,                     certainly dry as dust, and only occasionally comprehensible. I unhesitatingly
the ceremonies complete, I left the building with buzzing ears and an intimate                      declare that from any ordinary examination coach could be obtained more
conviction that anticipation is at all times preferable to realisation. How I had                   purposeful information in a week than from the lectures of all the professors in
dreamed of that day!                                                                                a quarter.

Extract from Ambrose Pratt, The Great “Push” Experiment (London 1902)                               In spite of my resolute desire to profit, I very soon adopted the plan of conducting
                                                                                                    my studies in my bedroom, and reading novels during hours of class. These
                                                                                                    methods of mine rendered me an acceptable companion to the unstudious
       LARRIKINISM                                                                                  spirits, and for a week or two I enjoyed a sort of quiet popularity. But when
       ‘What we’re seeing here [pandemonium in a beginning of year assembly] is larrikinism,’       it was ascertained that I was unwilling to disturb the professors by blowing
       says Atkinson. ‘Pratt’s book [from which this extract is taken] is about “city pushers”,     horns, stamping feet, whistling, and making other idiotic noises during class,
       which were groups of young men who made a nuisance of themselves on the streets,             and, moreover, when one day I inconsiderately confessed that I cared nothing
       sometimes very violently.’ Indeed, larrikinism was widespread in late 20th century           for either football or cricket, games for which the majority appeared to exist, I
       Sydney, and these kind of troublemakers were highly visible on campus. ‘It was a more        was voted an undesirable, and avoided. …
       violent society generally… the moral atmosphere was starkly different. The kind of
       raucous behavior that went on in lectures and in gatherings generally, including when
                                                                                                    Nearly every freshman was either a footballer or a cricketer; most cricketers were
       the Governor was Chancellor, was extraordinary, both at Sydney and at Melbourne
       universities,’ Atkinson continues. ‘They were not sedate times by any means.’
                                                                                                    also footballers. They were, for the most part, uncouth, recently emancipated
                                                                                                    schoolboys, who cared for nothing seriously, except sport, cutting lectures, and
                                                                                                    larking with rowdy girls (not students); two of which amusements I heartily
                                                                                                    disliked. Very few of them were gentlemen by birth, but nearly all sons of
DISCIPLINE                                           CLASS                                          tradesmen, publicans, or wealthy parvenus. The gentlemen’s sons, with one or
Fines and other penalties for non-attendance         Up until around the 1880s, Sydney
                                                                                                    two exceptions, formed a coterie apart, and only mingled with the others for the
were once the norm, and continued to some            University was very much a ‘gentlemen’s
                                                     club’ - only the wealthy establishment
                                                                                                    sake of football or cricket.
extent right up until the student revolutions
of the 1960s. ‘There’s a strange contradiction       sent their sons to university. From then on,
                                                                                                    Extract from Ambrose Pratt, The Great “Push” Experiment (London 1902)
in those days between a highly authoritarian         university education became much more
structure and a kind of rebellion against that       mainstream, as society in general embraced
structure,’ Atkinson comments.                       the purpose and value of formal education.

>12
                                                            SYDNEY UNIVERSITY, THE OLDEST UNIVERSITY IN AUSTRALIA, HAS A RICH
                                                             AND DIVERSE HISTORY, PARTICULARLY IN TERMS OF THE EVOLUTION OF
                                                          STUDENT LIFE. BUT RECORDS SHOW A SURPRISING DEGREE OF CONTINUITY
                                                             FROM ONE GENERATION TO THE NEXT, DUE ESPECIALLY TO THE WAY IN
                                                            WHICH THE 17-25 YEAR OLD AGE GROUP TEND TO COME TO TERMS WITH
                                                            THE WORLD. GEORGE DOWNING AND HONORARY PROFESSOR ALAN
                                                              ATKINSON, A SPECIALIST IN THIS FIELD, SCOURED THE ARCHIVES FOR
                                                           SOME FIRST HAND MEMOIRS OF THE STUDENT LIFE OF YESTERYEAR. EACH
                                                              OF THE EXTRACTS BELOW OFFER A REMARKABLY VIVID ACCOUNT - AT
                                                                       ONCE PROFOUND, INSIGHTFUL, AND SURPRISINGLY FAMILIAR.

                                                                                                   A CITADEL OF CULTURE
                                                                                                   John Anderson was an anomaly - a rebel professor and one of the most important figures
                                                                                                   in the University’s history. ‘You tend not to see these sort of characters in universities these
                                                                                                   days,’ says Atkinson. ‘These men (they were invariably male) made an incredible impact
                                                                                                   on the students, because they seemed to represent the future. Part of the reason is that
                                                                                                   universities in those days were basically “citadels of culture” – if any new ideas were
                                                                                                   going to emerge, they were going to emerge at the universities. Nowadays, the nature
     The university carillon had been built as a memorial to graduates who had died                of public culture is much more diverse - newspapers, for instance, (particularly The
     in the Great War [1914-18], and when there was a carillon recital three of the                Australian) tend to be more prominent voices of ideas and culture.’
     university’s professors usually made a point of standing in the middle of the
     Quad, as much to safeguard the sanctity of the dead as to listen to the music.
     They were on the lookout for students who did not stand up for “God Save the           WOMEN AT SYDNEY
                                                                                            Women were admitted as students from the 1880s, (the Women’s College dates from
     King”; however, it was notorious that they were also watching for [the Professor
                                                                                            1892). In terms of teaching staff, there were women moving into teaching position from
     of Philosophy, John Anderson]. … Anderson would sometimes walk through the             before the First World War, though in very small numbers. ‘They tended to gather in
     Quad when “God save the King” was being played and defy the three professors,          particular disciplines,’ Atkinson comments. ‘In science, for example, they were well
     who had become his greatest enemies. On the day I first arrived [as a first-           represented in Botany, and of course the Arts. But the university [academic] community
     year student] at the university I saw Anderson walking along the cloisters in          has always been highly structured, much like Parliament, and that sort of system proved
     the Quad: someone pointed him out to me as the Scottish radical who was the            difficult for women to make their way through.’
     university’s main rebel, a renowned atheist, not long ago a communist, censured
     in the New South Wales Parliament and by the university Senate. Anderson
     seemed the most important person in the university. When he walked by, my
     skin might stiffen and my hair prickle at the roots. He was in his forties, very
     tall, stooped, gangling, striding loosely past in a brown suit and a green hat
     with an upturned brim, usually sombre, with his pipe jutting out between his
     teeth. He seemed an embodiment of what was grave and constant in human
     suffering, but sometimes he would wave an arm at a student, loosely, as if it          The beginning of my second year at the university of Sydney was a heady time.
     were a puppet’s, and smile, strong teeth bursting out between his full black           People [now] knew who I was. Faculty, hitherto superior beings clad in black
     moustache… I was gripped by the need to known him.                                     gowns, now nodded as they passed me in the Quadrangle. Everyone taking
d                                                                                           history or English honors in the years above me began to take an interest in
h    Light came into the philosophy lecture theatre, where the Literary Society held        what I was doing. I started out taking a double honors in history and English,
 .   its meetings, through leaded glass windows, and on either side of the blackboard       enjoying the special status that this ambitious program brought. … I loved
 ,   there were murals, one of classical and one of modern philosophers. There was          literary studies as much as I did history, but there was no comparison between
e    the sense on an inner temple about this room when early in term [my friend]            the level of intellectual challenge offered by the first year of the history honors
y    Prtichett and I sat in it to hear Anderson give his annual address to the Society,     program compared with that of the English Department.
s    of which he was president. When he began speaking in an urgent Glaswegian
g    sing-song the room seemed stilled by significance. Most of the time he spoke           … Our instructors were the liveliest and most challenging minds of the history
e    strongly, but occasionally his voice hovered and fluttered while he stuttered          faculty: Alan Shaw, Oxford-trained, witty, urbane, and an inspired teacher;
e    for words, by this hesitation building up a pressure that burst through into a         Ernest Bramsted, a German Jewish scholar, of formidable intellect, exiled from
     confident and sustained high note. The style of his address was intensely serious,     Germany by the Nazis, an early collaborator with the great Karl Mannheim;
     but lightened now and again with a wisecrack, or with sarcasm.…                        Marjorie Jacobs, the one woman on the history faculty, learned, intellectually
n                                                                                           incisive, the first person I met who did not automatically see Australia and the
 r   [Anderson’s] realist aesthetic was more a weapon of attack than a method               world from a conventional European point of view. We spent six hours a week
 t   of appraisal – apart from [James] Joyce, not many writers had as yet been              in the company of these fascinating minds, discussing the most central ideas
 t   established as passing its tests – and I developed an assassin’s vocabulary            and problems involved in understanding the twentieth century. The seminars
s    in literary criticism, using as bludgeons distinctions between “reality” and           never really ended because some segment of the student part of them moved off
e    “illusion”, “true” and “false”, “scientific” and “arbitrary”, even imitating some of   for coffee and more talk. Milton Osborne, son of an academic family, brilliant,
r    Anderson’s fierceness, as when he dismissed [Charles] Dickens as “poor stuff”          whippet-thin, radiating intellectual energy and insatiable curiosity, possessed
b    or all of [William] Wordsworth as “drivel”. By now we were in second term and          the most interesting and rigorous mind of my fellow history honors students. …
 ,   there seemed so many important things to discuss in the Quad that I began to           I found myself intoxicated by the pleasure of abstract ideas, by the company of
m    drop lectures in English since they were unscientific and arbitrary.                   others who shared my interests, and by the notion that one could get beneath
 ,                                                                                          the appearances of events to understand the property and class relationships
r    Extract from Donald Horne, The Education of Young Donald (1988), pp. 173-5.            which constituted the stuff of politics and culture. Milton and I, whose families
e                                                                                           were near neighbors, spent endless hours arguing about historiography, politics,
y                                                                                           life.
e
n                                                                                           … I was excited to find myself arguing about Marx and Engels with two
                                                                                            intellectually able young union organizers, friends of Milton’s, who were history
                                                                                            honors students in the year ahead of me. They were tolerant in the kindest
g                                                                                           way about my “best girl’s boarding school” appearance. They sent me off to
e                                                                                           collect one of the free sets of the works of Marx and Engels handed out by the
s                                                                                           Communist Book Shop in downtown Sydney. “Go on, Jill, why pay for them?
n                                                                                           The Party members won’t eat you”, they urged me as I teetered on the brink of
g                                                                                           paying good money for these necessary texts. “You’d better park that fancy grey
 ,                                                                                          Rover up the street so they don’t see what a bloody plutocrat you are.” … When
g                                                                                           I reported the mission accomplished the next day, I produced shouts of laughter,
I                                                                                           and was escorted off to a real working-class pub for a beer and congratulations.
                                                                                            For the first time, I glimpsed what a choice had been made when my mother
                                                                                            took on her extra job to send me to Abbotsleigh.
e
d                                                                                           Extract from Jill Ker Conway, The Road from Coorain (1989), pp. 169-71.
d
y                                                                                                 COMMUNISM
f                                                                                                 This period was the height of the Cold War, and society was characterised by an extreme
r                                                                                                 fear of communism that is hard to grapple with today. ‘What’s being implied here is
e                                                                                                 that [Conway] was sent to Abbottsleigh by her parents to make her “a lady”, whereas
                                                                                                  now, parents tend to go through those sort of trials simply to get their kids ahead. The
                                                                                                  family would have looked down on [her flirtation with communism] as dangerous
                                                                                                  to respectability, dangerous to sexual morality. Free love was very much part of the
                                                                                                  communist way, which represented a breakdown in all traditional barriers and ways of
                                                                                                  doing things. In this sense, universities were considered by many to be a hotbed of moral
                                                                                                  and political danger.’

                                                                                                                                                                              >13
                                             OPINION
                                                                                         North Korea Tests Another
                                             Let’s split up                              Nuclear Device: “America, You’re
                                             Alright guys, hear me out. I know           Not My Real Dad”
  SKINNY WOG                                 you’re all scared - heck, I’m a little
                                             scared too - but we’ve got a much
    FEAT. POLICE REPORT
                                             better chance of finding Stacy if we                                                   Said President Kim Jon Il, “Sometimes
                                             split up. I mean, it just makes sense.                                                 I feel like I don’t exist with everything
                                             Now I might just be a high school                                                      else going on”, referring to the two wars
Sittin in the backroom of Saph Sweet,        quarterback, but to my thinking if we                                                  and global financial crisis the United
we were smashing some Chivvies and           send two teams - one up the rickety                                                    States and other Western democracies
bouncing round the club getting tips.        staircase and the other into the dark-                                                 are preoccupied with. “But seriously,
                                             ened basement then we double our                                                       I’m totally crazy and I’ll kill you all,
A young lean Italian man was in the          productivity, it’s just simple math. Am                                                seriously, you’re not my real dad.”
back of Sapphire Suite, Kings Cross,         I right!?
while drinking Scotch and Colas.                                                                                                    The United Nations has suggested
                                             Aw hell, you’re not still hung up on                                                   counseling for the troubled nation
Those Haber hussies were mad licking         what that old fisherman said, are you?                                                 which has been going through a
at our look bro, they kept biting at my      Those murders happened 20 years                                                        difficult blossoming into adulthood
sick Ed jillys and nudilys. Bitches were     ago! 20 years to the night even - so                                                   over the past decade since its founder
all wet with prospects…                      what’s the worry? All we have to do is                                                 and first Glorious Leader, Kim Il-Sung
                                                                                         Who’s your daddy? Wait, who’s My
                                             wait for Leroy to come back from the        daddy?                                     passed away.
Three girls from Haberfield, were on         old barn with the gas and we’re fine. I
the dancefloor keeping to themselves.        don’t know what’s taking him so long                                                   Professor of Teen-Studies at the
The svelte ethnic minority was               - maybe he got stuck looking at that        PyONgyaNg: Military officials              University of Geneva Frederick Flueler
wearing an Ed Hardy T-Shirt and              spooky dog carcass we saw on the way        announced last week that North Korea       commented on CNN “Obviously the
tight, unisex jeans. The girls were          in, or maybe he’s talking to that weird     had once again successfully tested a       most important thing is that we love
keeping to themselves. Themselves.           religious lady from the corner store.       nuclear device in an effort to prove       North Korea because without love
                                             Anyway, once he gets back we can            just how serious the rogue nation was      there cannot be maturity or healing.” In
And then Brizzle came pumping, and           start up the generator and get some         in toppling global stability.              a public statement Monday morning,
we couldn’t help but join the lass-ies       light in here, so until then I say we go                                               Dr. Phil pleaded with Kim Jong Il,
on the floor. Everytime “vuurrrttt,          into two groups.                            The bomb, which experts suggest was        “obviously we’re really worried about
vurrtt, vurrrfff” came round, we lost                                                    similar in power to those used in the      you son, and it’s high time you made a
our shit cuzzie! Cesco’s shuffle loving      Don’t worry, that was probably just         Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings,           decision in your life to act like an adult”
was gettin the Chicka’s bubbling. I          some stupid cat - now, there’s only         is the third such test in as many years.   extending an invitation to the leader to
shelfed another pinga and Gabi from          one torch and it’s flickering on and off,   However most pundits suggest North         appear on his show.
my sis’s grade started rubbing me.           so I’ll take it in my group. You’re the     Korea is just acting up since the United
                                             class President Laurence, so you and        States got moved in with South Korea       A study at the UCLA suggests that
One of the more hairy looking fellows        Jennifer will figure something out!         and they started going steady.             nations which go neglected in this
began dancing like he had disabled                                                                                                  manner for extended periods of time
ankles. The emaciated young man              What? Why are you all looking at me         US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton’s     have difficulty making friends and allies
stuck an MDMA, and began to                  like that?                                  office released a memo earlier this        in later life and also struggle to form
thrust his crotch against the thigh of                                                   week clarifying the United States’         long term relationships. Close friend
another girl. And then he Jizzed. In.        Okay everybody, don’t panic, the lights     position, “Honestly, it’s not like we’re   and ally of North Korea, President
His. Pants.                                  will come on in a moment. Boy, I bet        trying to replace his Dad or anything,     Hu Jintao of China said, “Look, we all
                                             you were all pretty scared just then,       but our relationship with South Korea      know he can be a bit weird sometimes,
Then Gabbi’s fat cuz pushed me way           huh guys. Guys? Guys!? Oh there you         is something we see as a long term         but he’s trying to fit in, come on guys”,
from her. My boys rushed in, and we          are Leroy, what was the hold up dude?       thing, obviously [North Korea] needs       and strongly implied that if the other
floored them. We got outside, but he         Leroy!? Ah Crap.                            time, but she also cannot be allowed       countries did not invite North Korea to
followed us.                                                                             to prevent South Korea from having         Stacy’s party on Friday night, he might
                                                                                         meaningful relationships”.                 just bring him anyway.
A more stout Italian male applied
force to his more slender counter-                                                       Similarly, international leaders were      Stacy was unable to be reached for
part, and they fell out onto the street.                                                 quick to chastise President Kim Jong Il    comment at this time. Experts believe
Within 7 seconds there was 52 ethnic                                                     and his administration. In a statement     she has as of yet not invited North
minorities, all male, converging at                                                      released Thursday Gordon Brown said        Korea because “Last time he got drunk
the corner of Bayswater and Darlin-                                                      “The US is a good guy if North Korea       and made everyone sing Elizabeth
ghurst Rd.                                                                               would give him a chance, I mean, he        Taylor songs… she’s not even a singer
                                                                                         can be a bit loud at parties, but he’ll    really.”
I was all over him till he pulled a piece                                                take care of South Korea.”
on me and said, “you slept with my
cuzin bro”. I said, “nah I didn’t for shit
eh”, and then, Chk chk boom!
                                             yeh, actually, going up these stairs
The slighter male was on the pave-           into the dark mightn’t be such a bad
ment, scrambling away from the               idea.
scene. He then found a half eaten
Kebab from House Kebab, and
hurled it at the portly male. Enraged,
the plump male pulled out a pistol,
and said, “you had sexual intercourse
with my cousin.” The scrawny male
replied, “no I did not”. And then he                                                             No. 387 - Afghanistan’s last pig*
fired a round into his leg. He did not
load or reload the gun, and therefore
the only sound was BOOM!




                                                                                                         *For real, there is only one pig left in the entire

                                                                                              TS
                                                                                          THAKE’D
                                                                                                                        country. That’s dire.

                                                                                           FUC

 >14
                                            Do’s and DotA
AIM: INCITE REVOLUTION                      Joe Smith Davies gets his game on
                                            The vast expanses of the World of          Stars, the encoding-child of Steve Feak     DotA’s hero system is often cited by
HYPOTHESIS                                  Warcraft becoming a drudge? Put off        and maintained by the brilliant yet re-     avid DotAns as the key to its popular-
Capitalism is inherently flawed, and        from engaging in a bit of sustained        clusive Marlon Brando of Warcraft III       ity. The fact players control a single
the struggle needs but one more             MMORGing by ludicrously long-              mod programming, Icefrog.                   character, not a cluster, and have AI
angry second-year to set the domi-          winded acronyms and Cartman pass-                                                      creeps (literally) doing the some of the
noes falling.                               ing wind in the Emmy-winning South                                                     fighting for them, means players can
                                            Park episode? I can’t blame you.                                                       engage with their hero and become at-
                                                                                                                                   tuned to the nuances of its skills and
MATERIALS                                   The trade-off between making an epic                                                   items. This focus on individual must
•	 A small table                            fail in the gaming world and not being                                                 be balanced with the progress of the
•	 An absence of shaving imple-             an epic failure seems worthwhile. How-                                                 team as a whole, as games are rarely
                                            ever, there is a game (a free, non-sup-                                                won single-handedly. ‘DotA is an end-
   ments (male and female)
                                            ported game mod, to be precise) that                                                   lessly challenging and rewarding com-
•	 A pass average in first-year             embraces the more alluring aspects                                                     promise between the individual and
   Political Economy                        of the Warcraft universe and allows                                                    the collective’ says MSTRKRFTer.
•	 More badges than you can                 you to play with or against your mates
   shake a hammer and sickle at             in an isolated environment, without                                                    This combination of gameplay and the
                                            having some 8-year old i-Phone apps                                                    control the combatants have over the
                                            millionaire belittling your existence in   Joe and his buddies                         nature of the game (game hosts often
METHOD                                      Engrish.                                                                               set the parameters of scenarios) is not
1. Set up stand on sunny                                                               DotA Allstars, like all great narratives,   the only reason DotA is the preserve
morning. Imagine self  unit-                This game is DotA.                         involves a clash between good and evil,     of the bored inhabitants of countless
ing and throwing off chains.                                                           the goodies embodied by the ‘Senti-         corridors in the Greater Camperdown
                                            DotA (Defense of the Ancients for those    nels’, and the baddies the ‘Scourge’.       area. DotA is also a medium for some
                                            not on case-variable first name basis)     The objective of each team is to de-        great chat and some interesting lexical
2. Inform every passerby as to the          spawned from Warcraft III as a custom      stroy their respective ‘Ancients’, im-      hi-jinks (variations of ‘b’ mean retreat).
latest atrocity in (insert war-torn         scenario based on the Starcraft map        posing constructs at opposing ends          The relative brevity of DotA games (av-
country du jour). If said country was       ‘Aeon of Strife’. Effectively the result   of the map, guarded by all manner           erage gametime is around 40 minutes)
the aggressor in aforementioned             of a programmer fiddling around with       of characters, not least social stigma.     adds another level to its appeal: it is
war, blame (in no particular order):        the game’s ‘world editor’, this map,       Each player chooses a character from        a peerless procrastination tool. Add
                                            rather than being condemned to the         a pantheon of ninety-three ‘heroes’         DotA to the list of magic words that
•	 The CIA, for causing the upris-          annals of the programmer’s personal        and strengthens the skills and items of     contains Solitaire, Mario Kart and in-
    ing                                     gaming history, DotA attached itself       the hero by the destruction of hostile      ternet porn. 3,2,1…and you’re under.
•	 The US army, for looking threat-         to the consciousness of Warcraft lovers    objects or characters and through the
    ening three countries away              like a face-hugging alien to Kane’s pro-   accumulation of the game’s single re-
•	 Israel, for existing                     boscis in Alien. Evolving through many
                                            variations, the DotA du jour is DotA All
                                                                                       source, gold.
•	 Putin’s medication
•	 The Cronulla Sharks

3. When bystander chimes in with
‘but what’s that got to do with the price
of eggs?’ pounce on the opening to                                                                                     Assassinations
segue, Anna Coren-like, into a tirade
about capitalism and Wall Street                              > Archduke Franz Ferdinand
perfidy. Keep froth to a minimum,                             Serbian nationalist group The Black Hand shot the heir to the Austrian throne in 1914 as he was riding
otherwise wipe off with hemp cloth.                           through the streets of Sarajevo. His death sparked World War I and the formation of a nattily dressed
                                                              Scottish guitar-pop band. Ferdinand’s assassins probably didn’t appreciate the irony of this when they
4. When assailed with such bour-                              plotted to Take Him Out.
geois chestnuts as ‘but I need mon-
ey to eat!’, patiently tell them that the
current global financial crisis means                         > Alexander Litvinenko
that capitalism has failed the world.                         Why go to the trouble of arranging a shooting when you can put radioactive polonium 2.0 in your
If no success is apparent, offer to sell                      preferred victim’s cup of tea? That’s assassination Russian style, and a death fully befitting an ex-KGB
them a badge. Ignore obvious irony.                           agent turned dissident working for MI6. The market price of the type of plutonium used to poison Lit-
                                                              vinenko was apparently around $50m AUD. It was a pre-GFC assassination. The Russians have since
5. Remember, a combination of                                 switched back to knives and Slavic fists.
subliminal messaging, corporate-
owned media outlets and quarter
pounders has moulded the people                               > Sheikh Ahmed Ismail Yassin
into docile, impressionable sheep.                            A 67 year-old, wheelchair-bound Palestinian religious leader, Yassin was killed by hellfire missiles fired
                                                              from an Israeli helicopter gunship as he returned from prayers. These weapons were originally devel-
Use the sharp points of your badg-
                                                              oped to destroy steel-enforced armoured vehicles. Overkill? Or just enough kill?
es to sever the strings between
society and its corporate puppe-
teers. Metaphorically, you doofus.

6. Return to your job, cleverly                               > JFK
giving the appearance of up-                                  The quintessential modern assassination. Smiling, young and handsome, the 35th President drove
holding the capitalist order.                                 through Dallas in an open-topped Presidential car when he was shot by a sniper-rifle three times. The
                                                              famous footage of this event shows bits of his brains blowing out the back of his head. Lee Harvey Oswald
7. Wait 30 years for said job to grad-                        was arrested with his murder, but in the decades since, conspiracy theorists have also accused the FBI,
ually beat the idealism out of you.                           the KGB, the CIA, Fidel Castro, space monkeys and Osama Bin Laden.

8. Yell at your kids for smok-                                > Julius Casear
ing pot and wearing Che t-shirts.                             After proclaiming himself dictator of Rome, some senators thought Caesar was getting too big for his
                                                              sandals. Luring him past the Theatre of Pompei, these sneaky senators gave him a fake bill to read,
CONCLUSION                                                    then stabbed him 23 times. Ironically, instead of saving the Republic, his death caused a bloody civil
Capitalism? Ain’t that some hat-                              war and brought about the rise to power of his nephew Octavian, who later styled himself as Augustus
maker down on Main? GET OFF MY                                Caesar and became Emperor. Who saw that coming?
LAWN!


                                                                                                                                                            >15
PRESIDENT’S REPORT
Report of the SRC President, Noah White//president@src.usyd.eu.au
                                                                                                                                                                       The University of Sydney




Academic Standards                         and son on and a percentage would          and amenities, legislation that looks     The SRC is making headway into
                                           fail. Essentially a system that ranks      like it is on the verge of being passed   tackling some of the on campus
In a few weeks when exams are over,        students according to their cohort.        by parliament.                            concerns deemed important in past
we will get our marks back. Some of                                                                                             SRC surveys. Namely, Library open-
us will be pleasantly surprised by         The problem with such a ranking            This means that you still have access     ing times, internet quotas (see my
thee D or even HD we got in the            system is that it disregards the ac-       to free legal advice and casework on      report from last week) and student
subject that we were convinced we          tual level of understanding attained       personal, academic and financial          representation. More cohesion
were going to fail and some of us will     by any student. Using Academic             matters. It means that you still have     between faculty representatives and
realise cramming might not work so         Standards, however, it is possible for     effective representation fighting for     the SRC is needed, and we started
well in third year subjects as it might    every student to either fail or achieve    your rights at both a campus and          this process with some of the larger
of in first year. But what do your         a HD as the mark they are assigned         national level fighting for a fairer      faculties, particularly in the faculty
marks actually mean? Does a High           is based on a comparison to a set          and more accessible higher educa-         of Arts. International student repre-
Distinction simply mean you did bet-       of predetermined standards. This is        tion system and making sure that          sentation is also a growing concern,
ter than everyone else in your cohort,     often sighted as a downside to using       the University doesn’t suddenly           the SRC is hosting a forum for inter-
or doe sit mean you understand the         Academic Standards. The fairer pro-        decide to cut your course or that the     national students this Thursday 4th,
material at a level befitting a HD? Is     cess for the student if everyone failed/   Government doesn’t increase your          3pm in Merewether lecture room 5
your mark an indication of the level       got a HD would be to reassess the          HECS costs. It means that we are still    to discuss issues of representation.
of knowledge? Or is it an indication       content of the course and consider         able to publish the Honi Soit you are
of how well you did, a ranking, com-       making it easier/more difficult.           reading right now.                        These on campus concerns will form
pared to everyone else?                                                                                                         the basis of the SRC’s activities for the
                                           Semester One                               The SRC has also had some success         next semester. So often, I hear people
Well, like most things at this Univer-                                                in the recent Federal Budget. It has      say that the SRC doesn’t achieve
sity, it depends on which faculty you      The Semester is nearly over and            been a long time since we have seen       anything. Part of the problem is that
ask. Even though there is somewhat         it’s halfway through my term as            anything even approaching remotely        the SRC does not publicize its wins
of a debate, the University is moving      President. Hence its probably time         good for students in a Federal Bud-       enough. My aim is that by the end
steadily towards “Academic Stan-           to look back at what the SRC has           get. However, with increased Youth        of semester 2 there will be a list of
dards.” Academic Standards means           done/achieved and what there is left       Allowance payments in the form of         concrete wins the SRC has achieved,
that in every subject there is a clearly   to do.                                     semester grants worthy over $1100,        relating to both national issues and
identifiable set of standards against                                                 increased parental and personal           on campus issues.
which any student would be as-             Well, for one, we’re still here, and       income tests, a lowering of the age
sessed. It would mean that the level       so is the SUPRA, the Union and the         of independence, relocation grants
of understanding and/or competency         Sports Union. And that’s an achieve-       for rural students, a 15% increase
for any particular mark would already      ment worth mentioning. We secured          in education spending and a 25%
be set. This is in contrast to a system    funding from the University which,         increase in research spending. By
prevalent, for example, in the faculty     at the same time as every other            no means is this money enough to
of Science where marks are allocated       University department’s funding was        achieve even the meager results the
to students and then “scaled” so that      cut, did not decrease. The SRC has         Government wants but it does put
a predetermined percentage of stu-         also lead the campaign to introduce        higher education back on the map.
dents receive HDs, a percentage Ds         legislation to protect student services




EDUCATION REPORT
Report of the Education Officers, Elly Howse & Rosie Ryan//education.officers@src.usyd.edu.au                                       VICE-
Unfortunately, Lady GaGa is on
hiatus from this column. Fortunately,
                                           areas such as Youth Allowance. You
                                           also get to meet some really fantastic
                                                                                      What do I have to do?
                                                                                      Go to the NUS website: www.unistu-
                                                                                                                                    PREZ’S
the real Education Officers are back
and apologise for any bizarreness
caused by a certain disco stick. This
                                           and inspiring speakers.

                                           From these three days oozing with
                                                                                      dent.com.au and go to Upcoming
                                                                                      Events, Education Conference.                 REPORT
week we’re writing about something         inspiration and ideas you will have        Or you can come down to your                  Report of the
very exciting coming up in the winter      shaped the course for the National         friendly SRC (beneath the Wentworth           Vice President,
holiday break, so that for a brief mo-     Union of Students’ future campaigns.       building on City Rd) and get a regis-
ment you can forget about the exams        The sessions will enable us to get our
                                                                                                                                    Michael Krasovitsky
                                                                                      tration form from the front office.
coming up.                                 heads around ideas of the impacts
                                                                                                                                    Well. The semester is nearly
                                           of new education policies such as          See you there!
                                                                                                                                    over. And what a semester it’s
What’s happening?                          deregulation and demand driven
                                                                                                                                    been. Have a good holiday!
From 8-10th July Sydney Uni SRC, in        funding, and also the barriers faced       The last Education Action Group
                                                                                                                                    Bye!
conjunction with the UTS Students’         by students from a diversity of back-      for this semester was on Tuesday at
Association and the National Union         grounds in accessing education.            1pm. But don’t worry, we’ll be back
of Students, is hosting the annual                                                    next semester with even more cam-
Education Conference. It’s a three-        Birthing a campaign that will be run       paigns! Not only that, but we’ll be
day conference involving seminars,         at universities across Australia to en-    full of events, occupations, protests,
workshops, panel discussions and           gage students and lobby universities       sit ins, burning of giant props, road
more, on topics from campaigning           and governments to achieve fairer,         trips and other irresistible activities
for a more just education system to        more accessible and ultimately free        in the name of free education. Drop
involving indigenous and low socio-        education? How could you possibly          us a line if you want to get involved:
economic students in activism and          resist.                                    education.officers@src.usyd.edu.au
higher education.
                                           Can I go? How much does it cost?
Why should I go?                           Of course you can go! And registra-
You get to meet a huge variety of          tion fees will be waived by the SRC
students from across Australia. Every      for any USyd student that wants to
student is passionate about improv-        attend. You are also eligible for an
ing the quality and access of higher       equity scholarship if you are from a
education in Australia, as well as         low SES background or identify as
fighting for government reform in          Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander.

>16
GENERAL SECRETARY’S REPORT
Report of the General Secretary, Russel Schmidt//gen.sec@src.usyd.eu.au
                                                                                                                                                                      The University of Sydney




Budgets gone wild!                         all things considered and the massive     Where does your money go?                   ‘Independence criteria’ of the Stu-
Budgets of all shapes and sizes have       impact of the GFC. At least it is no                                                  dent Representative Council
become a theme of this column. This        $57 billion.                              Firstly, it isn’t your money, strictly
week I bring you a rare and elusive                                                  at least, but that’s neither here nor       The SRC simply cannot function if
budget; the SRC budget. At the SRC         How much money we talkin’ bout?           there. Most of it goes on staff. Most       it is not independent. Much of the
Council meeting on Tuesday night           Total projected income is $1,550,000.     of it goes on stuff that isn’t giving you   campaign work that we do is targeted
(NB: not at 7pm or the Newtown             We get most of it from a grant from       leaflets. We are projecting to spend        at the Government or the University;
Neighbourhood Centre), the budget          the University, but also from a num-      $1,564,266.                                 for them to have a say in our funding
for the Council was endorsed much          ber of other places, notably Honi and                                                 essentially puts the SRC risk. This risk
to the procedural chagrin of some. I       the Bookshop. A picture is worth a                                                    of third party influence is even more
was asked a barrage of questions for       thousand words (and I only get about                                                  worrying given that the SRC case-
roughly an hour, some interesting          500) so here it is:                                                                   workers and lawyers regularly have
some not; luckily enough you get           .                                                                                     to lock horns with the University on
the abridged version, interesting stuff                                                                                          behalf of students. This reliance on
only. The SRC budget is designed                                                                                                 the uni is obviously worrying and
to guide spending over the next 12                                                                                               the only way we can achieve student
months and is put together by myself,                                                                                            control of student affairs is through
the President and staff; it is based on                                                                                          an SRC supported by as well as run
submissions from all the departments,                                                                                            for and by students!
past spending and future expecta-
tions. The budget forecasts a deficit
of $14,266.90, which is pretty good




WOMEN’S REPORT
Report of the Women’s Officer, Tamsin Dingley//womens.officers@src.usyd.eu.au
I was horrified when I read the Honi       raped. Her life is being torn apart.                                                  an anti-violence badge from the S
Editors response to my article on          She’s screaming, or maybe com-            The positive of the overwhelming            RC.Don’t use the word ‘slut’. Al-
rape. It reeked of an apology to men.      pletely quiet. Is she crying?             response to my report is the resulting      though on a continuum the anger,
Seriously? If I offended then I am                                                   dialogue. A discussion about such a         sexual degradation and aggression
doing my job. Last year at Reclaim         The second highest incidence rate         weighty topic is bound to be heated         implicit in the word ‘slut’ are the
the Night- our annual Stop Violence        of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder         but progress starts with conversation.      same emotions which motivate
against Women rally, only 300 people       (PTSD) is soldiers who must gather        In the spirit of progress and uniting       rapists. Come to Reclaim the Night
(of a university of 40,000 students)       the remains of other soldiers. The        to combat sexual violence I’d like          (October each year) and SAY NO
marched to protest, show solidarity        highest rate of PTSD is if found in       to propose a few things women               TO RAPE!
and to DEMAND A RESPONSE TO                Rape Survivors- over fifty percent.       and men can do if they’d like to get
SEXUAL VIOLENCE! Of the 300                Rape is the worst, most horrifying        involved and join the fight.                Have a wonderful holiday everyone.
people at the rally 295 were women.        experience a human being can have.                                                    I look forward to more feminist
Do I think men are doing enough to         The victim is almost always a woman.      Write to Honi and get your opinions/        debates and Elly’s hilarious rambling
stop rape? No, I don’t.                    It happens many times, all over the       thoughts/questions out there. Thurs-        reports next semester.
                                           world, every day. Only a handful of       days in Black is an international,
I agree with some of the responses         men showed up to Sydney’s biggest         weekly, silent protest to stop violence     In sisterhood,
however. I get very angry (how can         anti-violence protest of the year. Did    against women. Wear black clothes
I not?). Right now a woman is being        you go? Could you be doing more?          every Thursday and if you like grab         Tamsin



ASK ABE
SRC HELP: Level 1 (Basement) Wentworth Building, City Road Entry
9660 5222 or help@src.usyd.edu.au

Dear Abe,                                  Dear Science II,

I am a good student. I study hard          The Learning Centre runs courses on       a take home exam would suit you
and I put in a lot of effort into all of   exam technique. Talk to them about        better. Naturally if you need help ne-
my assignments. However, when it           the difficulty that you are having with   gotiating this with your faculty enlist
comes to exams I bomb out. I get           exams – perhaps they have a more          the help of an SRC caseworker. Their
really nervous and forget everything       heavy duty approach to fortifying         service is free.
I’ve learned. I’ve tried doing some        you before an exam. Talking to
relaxation stuff before the exam but       your academics is also a good idea.       Abe
it just doesn’t work. Do you know          Explain to them how you feel. They
if there is a way that I can get out       will know from your assignments
of doing exams and only do assign-         and class participation that you are
ments?                                     a good student and will want to give        This column offers students the op-
                                           you every opportunity to demonstrate        portunity to ask questions on any-
Science II                                 your competence in the subject. If          thing that may affect their “welfare”.
                                           your nervousness is as severe as you        This can be as personal as a question
                                           describe it, you may be eligible for        on a Centrelink payment or as gen-
                                                                                       eral as a question on the state of the
                                           help from the disability unit. Talk         world. If you would like to ask Abe a
                                           to someone there who can explain            question send an email to
                                           to you how they can accommodate             help@src.usyd.edu.au.
                                           your special needs. There may be
                                           some room for you to just do assign-
                                           ments instead of an exam or perhaps
                                                                                                                                                         >17
      www.supra.usyd.edu.au
                                                              The SUPRA
SAAO                                  Minister opens Reconciliation
Corner                                Week by announcing further
Dear SAAOs

I am a full time student and need
                                      dispossession
some financial help. Can you
tell me if there improvements on      On Sunday 24 May, two days before       faith in the company she funded to      is abhorrent when it masks a
the way to postgraduate income
support? And can you suggest          Sorry Day and the week before           establish, and allow it a chance to     coercive neoliberal strategy of
where I can go to get information     Mabo Day (June 3), Indigenous           prove itself.”                          dispossession.
on part time or casual work to        Affairs Minister Jenny Macklin
help make ends meet, so I can         announced that the Federal              Hilary Tyler from the Intervention      The Stop The Intervention
pay the rent and eat?!                government would take measures          Rollback Action Group in Alice          Collective Sydney (STICS) has
                                      to compulsorily acquire Town            Springs stated “This is an appalling    been campaigning around the
Regards,
Hungry PG                             Camps in Alice Springs after the        decision by the federal government.     intervention since last year.
                                      Tangantyere Council – which has         It marks the start of a takeover for    Speakers, including Maurie Ryan
Dear Hungry PG                        been a centre of resistance to the      all Aboriginal communities who          of the Central Land Council in
                                      government’s ‘intervention’ into        reject government leases. If the        the Northern Territory, Dootch
If you are a local research           Aboriginal communities – refused        government were genuine about           Kennedy of the Illawarra Aboriginal
student you will be pleased to
know the 2009/10 Federal Budget       to sign a 40 year lease. This came      consultation with communities it        Land Council, and Larissa Behrendt
increased the benchmark APA           after an announcement last week         would not be blackmailing people        of the Jumbunna Indigenous
stipend by over $2000 per year        that all Indigenous communities         with long-term leases and the           House of Learning at UTS, will
to $22 500 commencing in 2010.        in the Northern Territory would be      threat of compulsory acquisition.”      be speaking at a national day
If you are a local coursework         merged into a 20 ‘growth centres’                                               of action rally and march on
student you should check out          around the Territory under the NT       This comes alongside a major            June 20 to mark 2 years since
potential eligibility for Austudy
or Youth Allowance (YA) by            government’s A Working Future           announcement that outstations           this policy was introduced.
contacting Centerlink (13 24 90).     policy.                                 and homelands – small settlements       The march will begin at 10:30
An updated brochure is about                                                  outside town centres set up by          am at Belmore Park.
to go up on SUPRA’s web site          The announcements have thrown           Aboriginal people who desire
with general information about        Aboriginal communities in the NT        to live on their own traditional        For more information visit: http://
Austudy and Youth Allowance
eligibility.                          into disarray. The Tangantyere          lands – will be progressively           stoptheintervention.org/ or
                                      Council stated: “Tangentyere calls      closed down. Speaking on behalf         http://rollbacktheintervention.
Graduate Diploma and                  on the Australian Government            of the Laynhapuy Homelands              wordpress.com/
Certificate students are              to continue towards reaching a          Association,     Ms.   Yananymul
potentially eligible for Youth        negotiated outcome with the Town        Mununggurr said the new policy          Rashmi Kumar
Allowance and Austudy already,        Camp Communities rather than            has shown the NT government             SUPRA President and Women’s
as are students enrolled in
some professional masters by          resort to compulsory acquisition.”      has either refused, or is unable,       Officer
coursework degrees on a list                                                  to fully understand the cultural        president@supra.usyd.edu.au
approved by the Federal Minister      One of the major reasons for the        significance of homelands.
for Education. The Federal            Council resisting signing a new lease
budget announced that all             was because the lease precluded         “Just days after the release of a
masters by coursework degrees
will become eligible for Austudy      people from the Town Camps              ground breaking report outlining
or Youth Allowance as of 2012         having input into the management        the major health benefits to
and subject to other eligibility      of housing in the communities,          Yolngu living on country, the NT
criteria.                             and would instead put control of        government announces a policy
                                      housing into the hands of Territory     that relegates our homelands
So financial help is on the way       Housing, controlled by the NT           to third world conditions, if not
for more students, but in the
meantime check out SUPRA’s            government.                             extinction.
Employment: An Overview for
Postgraduates for important           Executive       Director    of   the    “We see this as a major betrayal
information for local and             Tangantyere Council, William            of the trust of our people,” Ms.
international postgraduates on        Tilmouth, said “Town Camp people        Mununggurr said.
rights and restrictions in relation
to the amount of work you can         have no faith in the Northern
take on, information about the        Territory Government or their           The Federal government has shown
National Teritariy Education          public housing system. This is why      itself to be entirely self-interested
Union, and some referrals to          we lobbied successfully in March        in its gestures towards Indigenous
places within and outside the         last year to establish the Central      people, and to have ignored the
University that can help you find     Australian Affordable Housing           concerns that Indigenous people
work.
                                      Company. All we are now asking          themselves have put forward. This
Regards,                              for is that the Minister shows some     manipulation of public sympathies
The SAAO Team

>18
     Postgrad Pages
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form for you to describe what occurred, then type something
out and attach it to the form. SUPRA caseworkers often see                                                                         Raglan Street Building (G10)
students who have had requests for special consideration                                                                           Darlington Campus
denied because they did not include enough information on                                                                          University of Sydney NSW 2006
the form, so don’t be afraid to go into detail.                                                                                    Phone: (02) 9351 3715
                                                                                                                                   Fax: (02) 9351 6400
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  Thank you to all those students who attended the AGM and End of Year
  party last week. Also thanks to all those student who have attended our
  events and supported SUPRA during first semester. We look forward to
  bring you more events, activities and campaigns in second semester, so
  remember to keep your eye on eGrad and these pages.

  Good luck with exams, essays and general research/writing and have an
  enjoyable and safe break over July.

  We look forward to seeing you back here next Semester!

                                                                                                                                                         >19
PHOTOS                                       FILM                                        THEATRE
World Press Photo Exhibition 2009            My Year Without Sex                         Ruben Guthrie

                                             Australian writer and director Sarah
                                             Watt’s new film, My Year Without Sex
                                             was conceived when she realized that
                                             she “didn’t want to make another film
                                             with a sex scene in it.” Despite this
                                             vow of celibacy, sensuality pervades
                                             the film about a young couple who
                                             find themselves struggling against the
                                             pressures of mortgages, child-rearing
                                             and, most of all, nits. The final product
                                             is a love story of the most mundane
The barrage of overblown photos that         order, with a charming sense of
greets visitors to this exhibition at        humour and an understated sense of
the State Library is noticeably differ-      threat.
ent from years past. Previously, the
international photojournalism com-           When mother-of-two Natalie (Sacha
petition has ranged from muted black         Horler) has a sudden aneurysm in her        Now THAT is a liquor cabinet
and white moments of devastation to,         gynecologist’s office, she is left with     Meet Ruben Guthrie, the handsome,          find ourselves laughing at Ruben’s
well, muted black and white moments          half her hair and the instructions that     charismatic wunderkind of the              stories of drunken escapades. But
of despair. This year’s exhibition           she avoid heavy lifting and orgasms.        advertising firm Subliminal. His           then we realise that he’s damaged
devotes a whole wall to the smoke            To quote husband Ross (Matt Day)            last Saturday night was a big one.         his body and relationships, and
and fury of the Russian/Georgian war         the entire family has been given a          It’s a good story – he was so drunk        wonder why we thought it so funny.
and a whole room to bloody Brazillian        yellow card: “it’s a warning, but you       and coked up that he jumped off
streets and Mumbai train stations but        keep playing.”                              the side of a building because he          Chatting to Schmitz after the show,
permeating all the photographs is a                                                      thought he could fly. Actually, most       he tells us that he finds audiences
jarring sense of complexity.                 Although there are repeated incursions      nights are spent in a high-octane          split down the middle about
                                             upon the daily routine of the family,       blur of alcohol, drugs and parties.        whether or not they want a drink,
I recall a photo from last year, taken       the stress is fleeting and the audience                                                or whether they’ll never touch the
in the aftermath of Benazir Bhutto’s         is left to make sense of the threat of      Life, like the set of the play (designed   stuff again: last year, a group of 20
assassination, of a bloodied man, sur-       disasters that never quite eventuate.       by Jacob Nash), is one big liquor          AA members came one night, and
rounded by body parts, screaming to          The storyline is restrained, never          cabinet. The problem is that you           exactly half decided to go to the pub.
the heavens. This year, we have a bird’s     pandering to the audience’s expecta-        already know Ruben, or someone like
eye view of a man standing on Wall St        tions, and instead hinting at dangers       him: someone who feels the need to         This play holds a big mirror up
the day Bear Stearns collapsed, hands        that threaten the domestic routine,         augment every mood and emotion             to its audience and forces us to
raised to God; divers at the Olympics        from Ross’s attraction to a co-worker,      with alcohol. And that is a problem.       interrogate not only how much we
tumble in freefall; boxers in NY are         to the suggestion of paedophilia when                                                  drink (or smoke, or snort), and how
pictured before their bouts and after,       twelve-year old Louis is approached         We asked director Wayne Blair, who         frequently, but also how much we
bruised and bloodied; hundreds of            by a stranger at the movies.                also directed the show in its first run    need our friends to do the same.
cyclists ride chaotically down a glacier                                                 at the downstairs in Belvoir St, why
in France. Tumbling, bruising chaos          The humdrum pace of suburbia is             he thought the first run in 2008 sold      One particularly painful scene shows
indeed.                                      interrupted by jarring animations           out even before it opened. “It was an      his best friend (Torquil Neilson)
                                             marking the calendar year; each             Australian play that was a little bit      just back from abroad, enough duty
Duality pervades these photographs.          monthly chapter is allocated a teas-        sexy – it was something different,” he     free alcohol to preserve an elephant
Things are not as they appear. We            ingly sexual title, from “doggy style” to   says. “It was about alcohol and young      carcass, totally unable to understand
must reassess our images, as we must         “faking it”. In the houses and on the       people so I think we got a lot of young    or accept that Ruben no longer drinks.
our very way of living. Tourists in          football fields of an average Australian    people along, twenty-somethings and        “I love you”, he says, “Please don’t tell
matching tracksuits snap away glee-          suburb, Watt presents wry dioramas          thirty-somethings.” More specifically,     me I cannot express my love in the way
fully on a sunny day…at Auschwitz.           of a daily life, speckled with eccentric    Ruben’s story is one for Sydneysiders:     I know best.” Nor can Ruben’s father
Roma gypsies sit proudly in quirky,          visits from reformed rocker-cum-            “in the city we get addicted, whether      let him just have water: “I just want to
ostentatious mansions. Iconic images         preacher, Margaret, and highlights          it be chocolate or sweets or sugar         bond with my son!” Both are outraged.
of war are re-imagined through toys.         the tension between the Haves and           or alcohol –name your vice …We
                                             the Have-nots.                              do it all the time. We’ll just go home     Cowell wrote Ruben Guthrie after
This year’s winning image is by Amer-                                                    and think, ‘Oh fuck, I’m just going        a year of self-imposed sobriety,
ican photographer Anthony Suau               As Watt’s witty script unfolds, tension     to get a pizza and get some coke and       and found after the initial struggle
and captures a chaotic moment as a           between the characters drives the           garlic bread’, or get a big piece of       of not reaching for a drink, that
police officer, his gun cocked, storms       drama. Horler renders a character           chocolate, or go to pub and have six       his friends were the ones who
a ransacked house. The catch? The            who at times stares unflinchingly           beers by 5 o’clock and get hammered.”      really couldn’t accept his decision.
house has been repossessed and his           at her own mortality, and at others                                                    As Blair tells us, “People can relate to
job is to make sure the owners have          treads wide-eyed and polar-fleece           As Ruben – compellingly played by          the pain of the character on the stage.
cleared out. As jury Chairman Mary-          clad through the random events that         Toby Schmitz – struggles to negotiate      He’s just hurting a little bit because
Anne Golon explains, “The strength           comprise the film’s major plot points.      work and relationships sober, he           he’s not loved and he’s taking it out on
of the picture is in its opposites. It’s a   Honest to the point of discomfort,          finds rejection, loneliness and failure    himself and I suppose it’s a form of self-
double entendre. It looks like a classic     Horler is endearing and unaffected.         for the first time in a long time. He      mutilation.” It is an exciting thought
conflict photograph, but it is simply        Although Day, playing the unassum-          is helped along by his Alcoholics          that theatre has a real chance to change
the eviction of people from a house          ing nice guy that we assume he is in        Anonymous sponsor Virginia (Megan          attitudes and behaviours while still
following foreclosure. Now war in its        real life, is a less nuanced figure, he     Drury), a character which receives         being both entertaining and moving.
classic sense is coming into people’s        suffers his own complications, racked       varied reactions from audiences,           Schmitz says of the play, “I think it’s
houses because they can’t pay their          with indecision and following hap-          according to Drury. People aren’t          important. And it’s nice to be part of
mortgages.”                                  lessly after his rat-bag best friend. It    sure how to respond to her intense         something important.” We would tend
                                             is, however, impossible not to sym-         commitment to “The Program”, and           to agree. If you’re only going to see one
But through it all there is resilience,      pathise with his run of desperately         it is easy to mock her as she spouts       play this year, it should be this one. It’s
evident as the homeless in Sao Paolo         bad luck.                                   AA jargon at everyone. But we’re           good new Australian work for people
huddle together in a series of ghostly                                                   caught in a double bind because            of all ages, it’s funny, tragic, thought
images. These photographers seem             In “My Year Without Sex,” Watt              she is a genuinely tragic character,       provoking and beautifully executed.
convinced that times will change – just      makes real life entertaining, through       and the Alcoholics Anonymous
as the seasons change while a peach          her knack of finding the extraordinary      program – despite appearing slightly       Vivienne Egan and Danika Armytage
tree stands by a lake in Hangzhou            in the everyday.                            ridiculous – does in fact save lives.
City                                                                                                                                Ruben Guthrie is playing upstairs at
                                             4/5                                         Playwright Brendan Cowell cleverly         the Belvoir St Theatre until July 5. Hit
4/5                                                                                      uses humour to catch us out and make       www.belvoir.com.au for tickets
                                             Georgia Flynn                               us re-evaluate our attitudes: we also
David Mack

>20
                         Culture Shock                                                                       The Pastizzi Café
      Jason Paperman wonders why his new mates aren’t making a fuss                                        Ellie Graham has a snack, Maltese style.
                                                                                                                                   away. At $1.80 a piece, pastizzi
                                                                                                                                   are possibly the ultimate food –
                                                                                                                                   small enough to snack on, and with
                                                                                                                                   an extensive selection of flavours
                                                                                                                                   to allow your own pastizzi
                                                                                                                                   safari if you’re really starving.

                                                                                                                                   The Maltese are surely the unsung
                                                                                                                                   heroes of finger food – it is nothing
                                                                                                                                   less than pure genius to select deli-
                                                                                                                                   cious combinations of favourite
                                                                                                                                   ingredients, from the decadent
                                                                                                                                   cherry and ricotta to the hearty
                                                                                                                                   chicken and mushroom, and wrap
As thousands of exchange students           friend all these unfamiliar people, this                                               it in a flaky pastry blanket. Lentil
pour into Sydney each semester, it          process doesn’t last long. It seems that                                               and vegie curry varieties are on
seems that they are welcomed by only        after a year or two, they realize that                                                 offer for your annoying vegetarian
meagre enthusiasm upon their arrival.       their university experience so far has                                                 friend, or why not try apricot and
After those 20-odd grueling hours           summed up to be a series of sequen-                                                    capsicum if you’re feeling fruity.
of traveling to this exotic island, the     tial “best friends” who come, party
dreams of pounding a few Fosters back       for six months, and then leave- with                                                   Standard pastas and salads are also
with their new Australian “mates” is        nothing but a few facebook messages                                                    on the menu but, while generously
quickly stifled.                                                                       It’s a chilly winter eve and as you         sized, they lack the flavour punch
                                            to follow.
                                                                                       stroll home from uni trying not to          or X-factor you’d hope for after
While the bars are good, and the                                                       get your boots too wet, you crave           sampling the excellent pastizzi. With
                                            Therefore, what are we exchange
women are better, it seems that                                                        something      small,   warm       and      attentive, handsome service and
                                            students to you local Australians?
Australians are rather desensitized                                                    satisfying. No, not your pet guinea         excellent coffee, The Pastizzi Cafe
                                            Are we not those culturally diverse
to the thrill of internationals coming                                                 pig, stupid – pastizzi! You know,           is the ideal snack joint for sweet
                                            beacons for partying and having a
over for the short six-month period.                                                   those little filo crowd-pleasers            or savoury cravings on a student
                                            good time? Or have we merely become
Rather than going through the process                                                  your mother insists on reheating at         budget. Buy them frozen by the dozen
                                            “another batch” of international
of befriending these wild American                                                     your 21st. The source of these tasty        at $10 a bag for your own Pastizzi
                                            students, who ultimately come here
and Europeans and hopping on their                                                     morsels lies a mere stone’s throw           get-together or BYO cleanskin for a
                                            to steal those of the opposite sex, play
six-month crusade of drinking and                                                      from campus. The Pastizzi Café, nestled     romantic date with your crush to
                                            unfamiliar drinking games in your
partying, it seems that the Australians                                                among the op shops along lower King St      see how they handle the impossibly
                                            bars, and flee the country just before
barely even bother anymore.                                                            has become something of an institution      flaky pastry.
                                            our livers explode. What happened to
                                                                                       for Inner West foodies. You’ll have
                                            the prospects of couch surfing across
I must be honest, in my first weeks                                                    to fight them off for a table in the
                                            North America or Europe, living off
here I did seem to befriend a few local                                                narrow, golden-lit space, so book in
                                            the benefits of all those friends you
Australian girls who were happy to                                                     advance or rock up for some take
                                            had amassed over your uni years. But
party and have a good time. However,        rather, it seems that we are merely
little time had passed when one said,       another lot of party animals who are
“you know, you guys are actually a          barely, if even at all, worth investing
pretty good batch this time.” When I        your time befriending.
heard this, I was genuinely perturbed.
Is that all we exchange students have       Maybe it is rather unfair to be so
                                                                                                             USU Band Comp
come to be? Merely a “new batch” of         cynical. For all you Australian stu-                                     Will Atkinson tunes in
kids who come, party, and ultimately,       dents, you should keep in mind that
leave.                                      it could be rather amusing to exploit      Ah, the USU Band Comp rolls into            the development of popular music.
                                            the cultural ignorance of us foreigners.   the Manning bar for another year.
To be fair, this isn’t always the case.     Things like “vegemite is only good if      Conversations about string thicknesses      It conjures up images of the rise of
There are of course those young naïve       you eat heaps of it plain” and “o, ya,     and pick weights fill the air, and          the teenager alongside the birth of
first-years with delusions of making        go ahead and pet the dingoes” would        people who you would never have             rock and roll: sharps battling for
friendships that “last a lifetime.” While   certainly be a great introduction to the   guessed approached the concept of           supremacy in some kind of High School
it is exhilarating to come to uni and be-   fine culture Australia has to offer.       music-making in anything more than          Confidential universe, developing
                                                                                       the abstract are flooding your inbox        into a situation where everyone’s
                                                                                       with Facebook invitations to their          trying to out-alternative everyone
                                                                                       ‘first performance’, on Tuesday night.      else on stage, with jazz-fusion covers
                                                                                                                                   of Sting in time signatures that read
                                                                          RAD          Revel in their bravery, non-musical         like a high blood pressure reading.
                                                                                       mortals. You can’t help but learn
                                                                                       something about the state of popular        Looking at the critical hype for the 2006
                                                                                       music at the competition, upon              National Campus Band Comp winners,
                                                                                       observing each year’s pet genre or          you get the idea: ‘…the Embers were
                                                                                       musical instrument of choice. Last year     tight and original - I loved the panpipes
                                                                                       the sound du jour seemed to be the          and the Charango guitar, violin and
                                                                                       big band mixed with a few electronic        stand-up-bass-what a combo.’ Sauce.
                                                                                       bleeps and ploinks. Whether or not
                                                                                       we’re going to see the climactic and        Like seeing any good band, though,
                                                                                       deserved return of the lute to popular      a band comp can be visceral and
                                                                                       music this year remains a question          affecting - the competition aspect only
                                                                                       we’ll only see resolved at the end of the   making it more of ride for the audience.
                                                                                       finals series, but it’s still an exciting   It’s like the internalised soundtrack to
                                                                                       way to spend almost every night of          a rumble, even with the inclusion of
                                                                                       the week away from study and in             panpipes. Before Manning starts to
                                                                                       close proximity to a few cold ones.         hum again with career drinkers, it’s
                                                                                                                                   deserving of a visit or two.
                                                                                       If you haven’t been along yet, then I
                                                                                       recommend picking up a copy of The
                                                                                       Bull to find out what’s happening in
                                                                                       the latter stages of the competition.
                                                                                       The band comp - or Battle of the
                                                                                       Bands, amongst other names - is a
                                                                                       phenomenon that runs in parallel to

 ELLE, ARTS III
                                                                                                                                                           >21
Feel the rhythm                                                                                 May time deciders
RHYTHMIC GYMNASTICS Anusha Rutnam twirls her baton.                                             GloBAl wRAP Mark di Stefano thinks May’s heaps better than September.
                                           Bessonova paid $300US (an amount
                                           that would be refunded if the judges
                                           conceded an error had been made) for
                                           her clubs routine score to be revised.
                                           Had she not made and been successful
                                           in her appeal, Bessonova would not
                                           have medalled.

                                           Think that’s scandalous? Well hold
                                           on to your petticoats. Last year it was              ueFA Champions league Final                Super 14 Final (Rugby union)
                                           reported in the Moskovsky Korrespon-                 (Football)                                 Bulls 61
                                           dent that President Vladmir Putin was                FC Barcelona 2                             Chiefs 17
                                           leaving his less flexible wife for Alina             Manchester united 0
                                           Kabaeva, the 2004 Olympics RG gold                                                              A score more accustomed to an AFL
No, Sarah, baton is not in RG              medallist who has a penchant for                     Goals from African poacher, Samuel         game, the Bulls from South Africa tore
                                           posing in lad’s magazines. The story                 Eto’o and Argentinean rat child Lionel     the Chiefs from Waikato a new one.
                                           was later exposed as a croc, with the                Messi, helped destroy Man Utd in           There really was no contest, and it
Drugs, sex scandals, political intrigue    newspaper in question mysteriously                   90min in Rome. The game was char-          was insulting to Australians who had
and rock and roll. One might not           folding not long after.                              acterised by ridiculous shots, from        to stay awake to 2am to watch. Why
readily associate these words with                                                              dumb areas, from Christiano Ronaldo.       are the Bulls so good? The clue is in
rhythmic gymnastics. One would be          And this was certainly not the last                  Wayne Rooney and Carlos Tevez were         their names: Victor Matfield, Wynand
wrong. Nevertheless mainstream             time rhythmic gymnastics got its                     last seen at Hermans, heard saying “at     Olivier, Pierre Spies and my favourite,
popularity has eluded RG, a fact made      bendy limbs tangled up in politics. In               least we could be guaranteed service”.     Flourie du Preez (read: large Germanic
somewhat surprising given the general      2006 Gazprom (Russia’s state owned                                                              South Africans).
super-hotness of its competitors.          gas company) shut off its gas supply                 FA Cup Final (Football)
                                           to Ukraine. Some say that this situ-                 Chelsea 2                                  Indian Premier league Final
Admittedly the points system is highly     ation is symptomatic of the complex                  everton 1                                  (Cricket)
technical to the point of impenetrabil-    relations in the former Soviet states.                                                          deccan Chargers (won by 6 runs)
ity. A lay person would likely have        Others, this writer included, believe it             Re-lacing your boots, staring into         Royal Challengers Bangalore
some difficulty understanding why          all came down to rhythmic gymnastics.                the crowd, taking in the wonder of a
one gymnast’s hoop, ribbon, club or        One of Gazprom’s top dudes, Alisher                  Wembley crowd on FA Cup day, and           Another final decided in South Africa,
rope routine might rank higher than        Usmanov, is married to none other                    then bang. Goal. This is what happened     Anil ‘The Violet’ Kumble stole the
another’s, a situation further compli-     than Irina Viner, Russia’s leading RG                to Chelsea’s defence, as they were         million dollar show with an astounding
cated by the accusations of corruption     coach. I imagine things went a little                caught with their pants down by Louis      4/16. Umpires Rudi “Tooty” Koetzen
the sport has attracted.                   something like this:                                 Saha, scoring the fastest goal in Cup      and Simon “I have one expression”
                                           Viner: “Turn off the gas to Ukraine.”                history at the 22 seconds mark. Order      Taufel, were overheard saying, “are we
Unsurprisingly, the kids from the          Usmanov: “Yes, dear.”                                was restored when Chelsea’s cash cows      really needed out here?”.
bloc (Eastern Europeans) own this          Viner: “Mwa ha ha.” Diabolical.                      (in a truly disgusting yellow), Drogba
sport hectically, and for some time a                                                           and Lampard netted textbook goals.
                                           P.S. I lied about the rock and roll. But play
Russia/ Ukraine feud has dominated         Queens of the Stone Age’s ‘Millionaire’ over Irina
the scene. At the 2008 Beijing Olym-       Tchachina’s 2004 Ribbon routine and you will see
pics, Ukraine’s top gymnast, Anya          your future.




Rawson Cup Rugby
Joe Payten reports from the College scrum.
                                           College rivalries over a century old                 With the match locked up in the dying      fire with fire, and won with a punish-
                                           are played out on the battlefield;                   stages, the Andrew’s kicker sent a         ing defensive effort. With one game
                                           indeed, Nick Farr-Jones stated that,                 penalty shot long, straight and directly   remaining, Paul’s have vowed to now
                                           in his entire career, he never felt more             into the post. Wesley regrouped from       take it one game at a time. In contrast,
                                           pressure than when he played for An-                 that deflection, and snatched a 15-10      Drew’s had their heart in their mouth,
                                           drew’s in the Rawson Cup (perhaps a                  victory from the jaws of a draw.           but don’t want to point fingers at who
                                           little over-the-top considering he also                                                         shot them in the foot. “It’s not rocket
                                           captained the Wallabies to World Cup                 RouNd 2                                    surgery, mate, we just didn’t maintain
                                           victory).                                                                                       intensity, we lost our composure”, one
                                                                                                John’s v Wesley was (so I’m told) a        was heard to have said. They will return
                                           RouNd 1                                              torrid event. There were numerous          to the drawing board to turn negatives
                                                                                                tackles, scrums and lineouts. The ball     into positives.
                                           The Paul’s v John’s encounter was,                   was kicked occasionally, and passed
                                           predictably, a brutal affair. John’s had             with regularity and varying success.       TodAY, THe FINAlS: 3Rd PlACe
                                           spent their pre-season trying to work                Wesley eventually emerged victorious,      PlAYoFF – JoHN’S v ANdRew’S;
                                           out how to attach studs to their thongs              the players attributing the win to the     FINAl – weSleY v PAul’S.
                                           and numbers to their flannies. This                  fact they had “turned up on the day
                                           may have contributed to their status as              to play” and “were just there to play      A repeat of 2008, both matches are set
                                           underdogs. A dominant scrummaging                    footy”. Despite the fact that the John’s   to be titanic clashes, with silverware
                                           performance by Paul’s laid a platform                team were present and participated         and a year’s worth of Intercol brag-
                                           for victory, and was no doubt due to                 in the match, one player felt the fact     ging rights at stake. If you have never
                                           their mysterious pre-season “team                    that they “just didn’t turn up today”      witnessed one of these heated battles,
                                           bonding” sessions. Despite a spirited                contributed significantly to their loss.   be sure to get to University No. 1 on
                                           performance from the dark horses,                    I suggested turning up was perhaps a       Wednesday. Kick-off for the 3rd place
An easy take?                              Paul’s outgunned John’s on the day.                  pre-requisite for competing, which he      playoff is at 5:30 pm, and the main
                                                                                                wholeheartedly agreed with.                match kicks off at 7:30. Fire up.
Rawson Cup rugby is traditionally          The Andrew’s v Wesley match went
considered one of the key events on        down to the wire. One Wesley player                  In the second match, the quality
the Intercol sporting calendar. There is   noted the side were so tight-knit they               Drew’s team took the bull by the scruff
much more on the line than silverware      were “family”, an allegation yet to be               of its horns. Despite coming hammer
and competition points, however.           dispelled by the team or the College.                and tongs, Paul’s were able to fight




>22
 Page 23.
ACROSS
8. Curiously, a megaphone set all in agreement. (2, 3, 4, 4)
9. Fake sugar lay hollow and evenly distributed. (7)
10. Inside A Band On The Run (7)
12. Sauron at the circus? (10)
15. Headers unable to stop the tertiary eyesore. (3)
18. To the gentleman on Page 3, we apologise nil sir, smartly or
otherwise. (5, 2, 8)
20. The woman of the night prior (3)
22. Coarse conscription a preliminary sketch. (5, 5)
24. Manage E-Clones? Place them inside. (7)
26. Treads over relative (7)
29. “Continue a poem, offbeat” So begins our story…(4, 4, 1, 4)

DOWN
1. Pest found in most bottomless Ecuadorian capital (8)
2. Pointless Astra irks unfamiliar persons (9)
3. Uncover a headless eel after P.E (4)
4. Prohibit the pub (3)
5. Additive for the outer hub and inner cherub (4)
6. To corrupt? Maybe it’s not… (5)
7. Change roster for holiday spot (6)
11. A Kleenex is in contention! (2, 5)
13. “Move! I am…er… one who aims” (5)
14. Dressing the homestead (5)
16. Insane risk with no right to snow travel! (3)
17. A drier sip spilt, what a state of mess! (9)
18. View a letter, perhaps? (3)
19. Walked of the pitch for the rest (8)
21. Diagram of backwards rod will sell! (6)
23. Glacial ice contains curious girl… (5)
25. Close burning huts… (4)
27. …set part of the ambush!(4)
28. Fearsome creature took the end off boat! (3)                         BCJ
LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS




                                                                   >23
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