The Angel

THE ANGEL Written By HARRY J. CHONG FADE IN: A NARRATOR speaks, his soft voice, over a series of shots, paintings which match with his words. NARRATOR (VO) 2,000 years ago on the outskirts of Jerusalem, one of the most important events in the history of mankind was about to unfold. (next painting) The crucifixion of Jesus Christ. (next) The son of man, nailed to a wooden cross, through the hands and through the feet. (next) Dying for our sins, whipped and beaten beyond the human threshold of pain. (next) He was pierced with a spear, (next) which punctured into his side, from which blood and water poured. (next) This spear became known as the Spear of Destiny, a weapon with powers beyond comprehension, (next) but coveted by man, emperors and kings, from Constantine to Hitler. (next) It became lost in legend. Its true whereabouts unknown. SERIES OF SHOTS – RELIGIOUS PAINTINGS A) Painting of the Holy Land. B) Jesus carrying the cross. C) Jesus being nailed to the cross. D) Jesus being whipped and mocked by the Romans. E) Longinus piercing Jesus’ side with his spear. F) Blood and water pouring from Jesus’ side. G) The Spear of Destiny held high in the air, glowing. H) An ancient army clashing. I) The Spear of Destiny half buried under desert sand. 2 MATCH CUT TO: EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY JOHNNY closes a book; dressed in a graduation gown, he walks along the grass with his best friend CORNELIUS, headed toward the high school. JOHNNY Pretty interesting stuff, huh? CORNELIUS Can I see that for a second? Sure. JOHNNY Johnny hands his book to Cornelius. Cornelius takes it and tosses it back into a bush. Hey! JOHNNY Johnny turns to get his book, but Cornelius grabs on his gown and tugs him forward. CORNELIUS Come on, let’s go. But -JOHNNY CORNELIUS Your science fiction book will be there after the ceremony. The two head into the school. TITLE: THE ANGEL INT. HIGH SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – DAY The students sit quietly and listen to the gangly VALEDICTORIAN make his graduation speech. VALEDICTORIAN So you’re graduating from high school... Big whoop! Thousands and millions of people have done the same thing! What makes you so special?! Johnny looks at Cornelius. JOHNNY I think this guy’s on something. CORNELIUS Really? I didn’t notice. 3 The Valedictorian steps out from behind the podium and starts pacing back and forth. VALEDICTORIAN That’s right! You’re not special. You’re just like everyone else. You’re gonna go to college, travel to Europe, get a job, get married, and have a stupid family... Then that is the end of your pitiful stinking existence! The TEACHER and PRINCIPAL sitting at back look nervous. TEACHER (whispers) Uh, should do something? PRINCIPAL Eh, he’ll tire himself out. The Valedictorian sways back and forth, like he’s queasy. VALEDICTORIAN Then the whole thing starts all over again with your goddamn kids! That’s life for yah! Now if you’ll excuse me, I... The Valedictorian passes out on stage. A janitor appears and drags him away. The Principal gets up to “rock” the mic. PRINCIPAL ...Congratulations! EXT. IRISH PUB - NIGHT The Saucy Tart Irish Pub, a distinctive downtown New York City establishment. INT. IRISH PUB - NIGHT The BARTENDER greets Cornelius and Johnny who are sitting on the stools at the front counter. BARTENDER Welcome to the Saucy Tart Irish Pub. How may I wet your whistles gents? CORNELIUS Scotch on the rocks. The Bartender looks to Johnny. JOHNNY I uh... I don’t drink. BARTENDER You are twenty one, right? 4 JOHNNY That’s what it says on the fake –Cornelius elbows Johnny, “Ow!” JOHNNY I mean, the real ID. CORNELIUS My friend here is the designated driver tonight. Can you please get him something non-alcoholic to drink? BARTENDER Okay, a glass of Nesquik it is! The Bartender turns to grab glasses on the high shelf. JOHNNY Uh, strawberry please! The Bartender nods. He spins back and prepares the drinks for Johnny and Cornelius, scotch on the rocks and a glass of Nesquik strawberry milk. BARTENDER (hands over drinks) One scotch on the rocks, and one glass of Nesquik. Thank you. A patron by the end of the counter waves to the Bartender. Excuse me. The Bartender goes away to attend to the other customer. So... Cornelius slaps his hand on the counter. CORNELIUS Graduation! Woo! He takes a sip of his scotch. JOHNNY I am not looking forward to another four years of school. CORNELIUS I know what you’re thinking. But it is not gonna be like high school. It’s gonna be different, man. CORNELIUS BARTENDER JOHNNY 5 JOHNNY I really hope so. I’m -CORNELIUS Nervous? Kinda. JOHNNY CORNELIUS You worry too much. (looks elsewhere) Hey look is that your grandmother? As Johnny turns his head, Cornelius slips some Vodka into his strawberry milk. Johnny turns back. JOHNNY That wasn’t my grandmother. Really? CORNELIUS JOHNNY Yeah. I’m pretty sure my grandmother isn’t African American. Oh? CORNELIUS Johnny tastes his milk. He makes a face. JOHNNY Mm, this drink tastes funny. CORNELIUS So what was I saying? College? JOHNNY CORNELIUS Right. College. You’re gonna like it, Johnny. Colleges are inherently fun institutions. JOHNNY Then how come you’re not going? CORNELIUS Tool and die, baby! It’s my calling. (mumbles) Or anything else that brings in the bacon, I really don’t care. Cornelius takes a sip of his scotch. JOHNNY Didn’t you say your dad pays for everything? 6 CORNELIUS Yeah -- but when he’s on business he seems to forget -- a lot of things. But you know me, I always need extra cash. I have very expensive habits. (winks) If yah know what I mean. JOHNNY (disappointed) Oh, Cornelius... CORNELIUS Hey there’s nothing wrong with providing employment to young needy women. JOHNNY Exotic dancers? CORNELIUS Young. Needy. Women. Johnny sighs. He takes the straw out of his glass and drinks with his lips. JOHNNY (grumbles) Stupid school... CORNELIUS I thought you got a scholarship. JOHNNY It’s not enough. CORNELIUS Well you know I can always -JOHNNY No, Cornelius. I don’t want your money. CORNELIUS Money? Who said anything about money? I was just gonna say -- I could help you, uh –- fill out some loan papers. ‘Cause they’re a real doozy right? Johnny nods his head as he drinks. CORNELIUS And I can drop you off at school. JOHNNY Cornelius. I have a car. I can drive. I don’t need your pity. 7 CORNELIUS Me? Pity? No. I’m ruthless. Completely heartless. I am a ruthless heartless atheist. JOHNNY Don’t patronize me, Cornelius. You know what I mean. You’re just doing this because of what happened to my -CORNELIUS Don’t even bring that up, Johnny. Tonight is a night of celebration! Moving on from the past and going on into the future. Cornelius swigs down the last of his scotch. CORNELIUS ‘Cause baby you’re college bound! He slams down the glass. INT. APARTMENT - JOHNNY’S BEDROOM – DAY The “Peanuts” Page-a-Day calendar on Johnny’s nightstand peels away to from summer to September -- the start of the school year. The day is circled in thick red marker with blaring letters, “School Starts Today!” A look away from the calendar, below the night stand, Johnny is asleep, sprawled on the floor with a baby blue blanket. As he murmurs in his sleep, a loud creaking noise is heard. A little old lady peaks through the door. She lets herself in. Grandmother MILDRED hobbles over to Johnny. Johnny? Johnny groans and opens his eyes. JOHNNY Gramma? MILDRED Isn’t summer vacation over? Huh? Johnny looks up at his alarm clock: 10:59 AM. JOHNNY MILDRED 8 JOHNNY Agh! I’m late for school! Johnny springs to his feet. He puts on a t-shirt and grabs his knapsack. He runs out the door with only his briefs on. Mildred picks up a pair of pants on the bed and holds it out with her arm. Johnny rushes back into the room and grabs the blue jeans. JOHNNY Thanks, Gramma! Johnny kisses Mildred on the cheek and dashes off to school. Mildred takes out a puffer and inhales her medicine. EXT. COLLEGE BUILDING – DAY A black sports car pulls up to the main school building. Johnny gets out from the passenger side. JOHNNY Thanks again for the ride, Cornelius. CORNELIUS Just let this be a lesson to you, Johnny. Never buy a car from Serbia. JOHNNY I’ll try to remember that. Cornelius drives away. Johnny looks up at the big college building. JOHNNY Here we go, first day of school. He takes in a deep breath and steps forward. INT. COLLEGE LOBBY – DAY Johnny enters the lobby. He looks up at the skylight. He puts his hand over his eyes to block the glare. Students busily pass through the lobby, moving through like ants in a tunnel. Johnny walks forward, anxious and reluctant. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a schedule. He mumbles to himself as he reads. Johnny puts away his schedule and tries asking for help. He approaches an oncoming student. JOHNNY Excuse me, do you know where – 9 The student walks past and ignores him. He tries again with another. JOHNNY Excuse me, can -That student ignores him too. Johnny tries another. Um, do -JOHNNY That student also ignores him. JOHNNY (to self) Aw forget it. I’ll figure it out myself. Johnny hastily rushes toward the hallway ahead, when he accidentally bumps into a FAT STUDENT holding a bunch of papers. The papers scatter all over the floor. FAT STUDENT Goddamn it. JOHNNY I’m really sorry. Johnny bends over and picks up the paper. He places them into the Fat Student’s arms. Here. Johnny runs off, embarrassed. The Fat Student shakes his head with pity. FAT STUDENT Stupid idiot freshmen! INT. LECTURE HALL – OUTSIDE - DAY Johnny looks inside the lecture hall through the door’s window. Class has already begun. INT. LECTURE HALL – INSIDE - DAY The PROF takes out a long suitcase and places it on his desk. He rolls the numbers and unlocks it. He lifts out an antique spear of some sort. The class quiets down, becoming unusually interested. One of the nerdy looking students in front, STEVEN, leans forward and squints. STEVEN What is that thing? JOHNNY 10 PROF This ‘thing’ is a little artifact I picked up from my dear ol’ uncle in the summer. He found it on a dig in Jerusalem. Is that -STEVEN PROF The Spear of Destiny. The students “ooh” and “ah.” STEVEN Wait! How could that be? I thought the spear was in Schatzkammer. PROF Apparently that one is a fake. According to my uncle, George, this is the real deal. INT. LECTURE HALL - OUTSIDE – DAY Johnny bites his fingernails as he watches the students through the window, captivated by the professor’s lecture on archaeology. INT. LECTURE HALL – INSIDE - DAY The class continues on. STEVEN Is it true that thing has magical powers? The Prof twirls the spear. PROF I dunno. You tell me. The Prof hands the spear to Steven. Steven examines it with scrutiny and fascination. PROF When you’re done with that, could you please pass it around? And try not to cut yourself. It’s pretty frickin’ sharp. Steven hands the spear to the person sitting next to him. Johnny looks through the door window one last time; then quietly lets himself inside. He looks over the class searching for an empty seat. He spots one, dead center. 11 As the Prof continues his lecture, Johnny walks down the steps and scuttles between the chairs. He bumps his butt into a MAC ADDICT’s laptop, accidentally shutting it close. MAC ADDICT Hey watch it, jerk! Johnny ignores the Mac Addict and continues ‘till he gets to the chair. He takes a seat beside the luscious black haired beauty, DANICA. After laying down his backpack, Johnny takes out a piece of paper and pencil. He flips out the chair’s tablet and rests it on top. The girl beside him, Danica, gets a hold of the spear. She seems uninterested. Johnny leans over to look. JOHNNY Is that a spear? DANICA Spear of Destiny, apparently. Wanna see it? JOHNNY (delighted) Sure! As Danica hands Johnny the spear, she accidentally sticks him in the palm of his hand. JOHNNY (really loud) Ow! The students turn their heads toward, Johnny. PROF I did mention that thing was sharp, right? Danica lays the spear down. The class continues as normal. DANICA I am so sorry! Danica hands Johnny a pack of mini tissues. Here. Thanks. DANICA Are you okay? DANICA JOHNNY 12 Johnny dabs the blood off his palm. JOHNNY Yeah. I just need to get a little rest. Johnny suddenly becomes woozy. He passes out and slams his head on the tablet of his chair. EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING – DAY A grungy looking apartment in the worst part of the city... Still, it has its charm. The gargoyles on top look particularly interesting. INT. APARTMENT LOBBY – DAY Johnny goes over to the elevator area and presses the up button with his right hand -- the one wrapped in bandages. An elevator comes down and the doors slide open. As Johnny is about to enter, a small crowd of people appear. They push past and go up without him. Johnny presses the up button again. Another elevator comes down. The doors open -- but as he is about to go inside, a crew of maintenance workers with equipment push past him and take his ride. JOHNNY (exasperated) Okay! Next one! Next one is mine! Johnny presses the up button again. He waits for an elevator to arrive. Nothing. He looks at his watch and taps his foot impatiently. JOHNNY Aw forget it. I’ll take the stairs. As soon as Johnny leaves, an elevator arrives. The doors open. It’s completely empty inside. INT. APARTMENT STAIRWELL - INSIDE - DAY The stairwell is filled with funky hip hop music. Johnny walks up the steps. There is a group of young thugged-out teenagers blocking his way, playing dice and listening to a remix on their boombox. Johnny loudly clears his throat. The teenagers ignore him. JOHNNY Excuse me, uh -They continue playing dicing without a glance. 13 JOHNNY Yo! One of the teenagers presses pause on the boombox. JOHNNY I need to get through. The teenagers stand up together. TEEN WAN, the one wearing the red hoodie, flips out a switchblade. TEEN WAN We’re in the middle of something. Can’t yah see that? JOHNNY Oh... Johnny pulls Teen Wan’s hood over his head and shoves him into the others. He charges up the stairs while being followed from behind. INT. APARTMENT STAIRWELL – OUTSIDE - DAY Johnny grabs a chair and uses it to bar the door shut. He turns a corner and dashes down the hallway. The teenagers furiously bang on the door. TEEN WAN (OS) I know where you live punk -- in this building! INT. APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM – DAY Grandma Mildred is lying on the couch. She appears exhausted. INT. APARTMENT – MAIN FOYER - DAY Johnny quietly enters the apartment. He takes off his backpack and jacket and goes into the living room. INT. APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY He sees Grandma Mildred lying down. JOHNNY Gramma? You awake? Mildred sits up. JOHNNY Are you ready to visit the hospital? GRANDMA Let me get my purse. Mildred stands up. Johnny gently pushes her back. 14 JOHNNY No, no. I’ll get it. You sit down. Johnny leaves the room. Mildred lies back down. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - OUTSIDE – DAY Johnny glances into room 22 through the crack of the door. Mildred is passed out, hooked up to an oxygen bottle. The DOCTOR by the door ticks off a checklist on his clipboard. JOHNNY How long do you think she’ll be in here for, doc? The Doctor puts his pen away into his pocket protector. DOCTOR Not too long. The condition is fairly mild. But for safety reasons she’ll need to be monitored for several days. The Bronchitis could possibly develop into pneumonia. JOHNNY Is there anything I can do? DOCTOR Just let her get her rest. JOHNNY (sighs) Excuse me. I need to go for a walk. DOCTOR Sure thing, pal. The Doctor pats Johnny on the shoulder and walks away. Johnny goes down the hallway, in the opposite direction. INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY - DAY Walking through the hallway, Johnny he hears an echoing VOICE. It sounds like a sick old man. VOICE (VO) Help me... Johnny pauses and turns his head back. Hello? VOICE (VO) Help me... Help me... Johnny follows the Voice into a dark empty hospital room. JOHNNY 15 INT. EMPTY HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY As Johnny enters the room, the curtain partition ripples. Help me... VOICE (VO) JOHNNY If you need a nurse, I can get one for you. Help me! VOICE (VO) JOHNNY Okay, just hold on a sec. Johnny goes over to the curtain and slowly pulls it aside. He looks at the bed. There is a figure underneath the blanket. JOHNNY Do you mind if I remove your... Johnny leans forward and grabs the top of the blanket. CUTAWAY TO – MAN DYING IN BED An old man screaming in pain, clutching his chest. RETURN TO SCENE Johnny falls back from shock. He scrambles to his feet and runs to the door. A NURSE steps in his way. NURSE What are you doing in here? I... Johnny points back. The Nurse goes over to the bed and pulls off the blanket, revealing a pile of pillows. NURSE Is this your idea of a sick joke? Huh? NURSE A man died in here an hour ago and you’re trying to be funny? Scare the ol’ nurse right? JOHNNY I don’t know what you’re talking about. The Nurse shakes her head and pushes past Johnny. JOHNNY JOHNNY 16 JOHNNY (spreads out arms) What did I do?! EXT. CHURCH – DAY The big bell on top of the church rings to mark the morning. INT. CHURCH – DAY Johnny enters the church. He dips his hand into a bowl of holy water and dabs his forehead. He goes inside a confessional and kneels down. The Father, or what we presume to be the Father, enters on the other side. CORNELIUS (imitating Father, using British accent) Hello my son. JOHNNY Hello, Father Fullerton. CORNELIUS What is it you would like to tell me my son? JOHNNY Should I begin with the usual lines? Please. CORNELIUS Johnny clasps his hands together and takes in a deep breath. JOHNNY Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been... one year since I last confessed and I... CORNELIUS Whoa! One year! That’s a long time. JOHNNY Okay? Sorry? CORNELIUS Apology accepted. Please continue. JOHNNY Actually I didn’t come here to confess my sins, Father. I wanted to tell you about something else. CORNELIUS What is it? 17 JOHNNY I... I don’t know how to tell you this without sounding crazy... but I’ve been hearing voices in my head. Johnny unclasps his hands and gesticulates. JOHNNY This morning my toothbrush told me to ‘go out and get some fresh air’! CORNELIUS Sweet mother of Jesus! JOHNNY It’s bad, huh? CORNELIUS Bad? You’re going insane! See a doctor for God’s sake! What the bloody hell are you doing at church?! Johnny gets out his confessional and opens the door on the other side. Cornelius continues to rant while wagging his finger. CORNELIUS And don’t skip on the Quaaludes young man! Johnny clears his throat. Cornelius turns his head. Oh hi! JOHNNY Cornelius, what are you doing here? CORNELIUS Just came to spread the good word. JOHNNY You’re an atheist! CORNELIUS I prefer the term, sceptic. JOHNNY Please -- get out of the confessional before I go to hell. Cornelius gets out of the confessional. JOHNNY Now what is the meaning of this intrusion on my ‘silly little’ religion? Cornelius takes out a flyer and hands it to Johnny. CORNELIUS 18 CLOSE-UP – JOHNNY’S FLYER advertising his frat house casino. JOHNNY What is this? A casino? CORNELIUS Not just any casino. Cornelius gives Johnny a “gun and wink.” My casino. CORNELIUS JOHNNY And you want me to go? CORNELIUS (sarcastic) No. I don’t want you to go. That’s why I told you about it. JOHNNY I dunno, Cornelius. I don’t think you should be using your dad’s real estate property for gambling. Johnny looks up at the crucifix on the wall. It shimmers from the sunlight. JOHNNY I really don’t. INT. FRAT HOUSE – CASINO AREAS – NIGHT MONTAGE – GAMES BEING PLAYED A) Craps. B) Roulette. C) Black Jack. D) Pachinko. E) Baccarat. F) Slots. G) World of Warcraft. INT. FRAT HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT Johnny tries to speak on the kitchen phone while noises blare and colored lights flash in the background. 19 JOHNNY (on phone) No! I’m not having a party! I’m at someone’s house! Johnny covers one of his ears. JOHNNY I’m not yelling at you! It’s just so... (a casino bell bleeps out the profanity) ...loud! And the phone isn’t working properly! Johnny puts the telephone receiver on the other ear. JOHNNY Okay... Okay! I’ll visit you later, Gramma! Get well soon! Bye! As Johnny hangs up the phone, Danica enters the kitchen. DANICA Excuse me. Do you know where the bathroom is? JOHNNY (thinking) Uh, it’s upstairs, I think. First door on the -- left? Or, no, no, maybe it’s right. Yeah it’s right, definitely right. Go upstairs, first door on the right. Thanks. Danica turns to leave. Wait! Danica turns back around. JOHNNY Don’t I know you from somewhere? DANICA I don’t think so. JOHNNY Archaeology! You’re in my archaeology class. DANICA Oooh yeah! The spear thing! Yeah! How’s your hand? JOHNNY DANICA 20 Johnny sticks out his right hand. There is large square Band-aid covering the middle of his palm. JOHNNY Could be worse. DANICA Um, what was your name again? JOHNNY Johnny. Johnny Wallace. DANICA I’m Danica. Danica and Johnny shake hands. JOHNNY Nice to meet you, Danica. Likewise. DANICA Johnny smiles -- for a moment of awkward silence. DANICA Okay! I gotta go now. Danica leaves to take a pee. Cornelius pops into the kitchen and spots Johnny with a goofy grin. CORNELIUS Dude! What’re you doing in here? Huh? JOHNNY Cornelius goes over to Johnny and takes him by the arm. CORNELIUS Come on! You’re gonna miss the festivities! Cornelius drags Johnny out the kitchen. INT. FRAT HOUSE - LIVING ROOM – NIGHT Johnny and Cornelius enter the living room. The place is packed with young men. Their backs are pressed against the wall, along with gambling tables and furniture. JOHNNY What’s going on here? CORNELIUS Relax. Cornelius rubs Johnny’s shoulders. 21 CORNELIUS Entertainment is arriving. As Johnny shrugs off Cornelius’ hands, the room dims and strobe lights start to flash. The place is beginning to look like a discothèque. Sexy music plays in the background as a platform with a bride-dressed stripper wrapped around a pole rises up from the ground. JOHNNY Gee, that’s awful convenient. JOHNNY (whispers) Engineering students. More men enter the living room. They crowd around and push Johnny and Cornelius toward the front. The stripper twirls around the pole on the platform. She lip-synchs to the playing song and struts her stuff while seductively peeling away at her clothes. The men whistle and holler. The stripper takes off her costume. The men get really excited Suddenly the lights go out. Then they come back on. There is a crusty anthropoid-ic lizard creature in place of the stripper. Strange. Nobody except Johnny seems to notice. The crowd continues to hoot and holler. The lizard creature locks eyes with Johnny and swaggers in his direction. Johnny jitters and tries to move back, but the others merrily push him forward. Johnny falls down on his butt. The lizard picks him up from the floor and rubs its tail against his leg. Johnny flinches as a long tongue flickers out in front of his face. Cornelius cheers him on, “Woo!” The lizard grabs Johnny’s crotch with its long clawed fingers. Johnny winces and pushes it down. The lizard falls to the floor. Thud! The music stops. The men glare at Johnny. HORNY GUY is angry. HORNY GUY Hey! What’s the big idea, Jack?! Johnny charges through the crowd. 22 CORNELIUS Johnny! A look back into the living room. The stripper has returned to normal. She is being helped up, off the floor. EXT. FRAT HOUSE - NIGHT Johnny bursts through the front door of the frat house and runs onto the street. EXT. FRAT HOUSE – STREET - NIGHT The New Jersey Devils have won the Stanley Cup. Hockey fans drive their cars through the street and celebrate. Johnny weaves in and out between the honking vehicles. Go Devils! FAN He darts to the side. A boxy white car breaks in front of him. The wheels spin and smoke. Johnny rolls over the hood and runs around back, where a dark red pickup truck accidentally smacks into him. Johnny gets thrown against the back bumper of the white car. He slides down and passes out. EXT. GOLF COURSE – SAND TRAP - DAY Lying unconscious in a sand trap. A bird pecks on Johnny’s forehead. He swats it away and sits up. He looks around and dusts off his shirt. A golf ball whacks him in the head. Seconds later... Fore! Johnny rubs his temple. A golf cart sprints over a hill in the nearby distance. It zigzags along the green and stops by the sand trap. A middle-aged man in neat white clothing looks curiously at Johnny. MICHAEL lifts his visor to reveal his eyes. MICHAEL You okay, son? JOHNNY Where am I? GOLFER (OS) 23 MICHAEL You’re in a golf course. JOHNNY God, I had this horrible dream. I turned into a bird. MICHAEL I’m not really a psychologist, so I can’t tell you what that means. But I can get you some refreshments at the clubhouse. Would you like to be refreshed? Johnny stares at Michael’s warm smile. He reluctantly hops into the golf cart. Michael turns the steering wheel of the Club Car and the two drive off. MICHAEL You are a caddy, right? EXT. GOLF COURSE - CLUB HOUSE – DAY As Johnny and Michael arrive by the club house, a sharply dressed man in a dark mauve suit gets up from one of the picnic tables. MAVIN Sacreto goes over to the golf cart. He leans against the roll cage, while holding in his right hand, a glass of Irish Cream. MAVIN Hello, Michael. Mavin. MICHAEL MAVIN Who’s your friend? MICHAEL That’s none of your business. MAVIN Maybe I should make it my business. As Mavin brings his glass to his mouth, Michael knocks it out of his hand. The liquor floods over an anthill. How rude. Johnny looks confused. JOHNNY What’s going on here? MICHAEL Don’t worry, kid. It’s just business. MAVIN 24 JOHNNY What kind of business? MAVIN Oil -- also known to others as, black gold. JOHNNY But what’s with all the hostility? MAVIN I’m trying to acquire new territory. MICHAEL You don’t know what you’re doing, Mavin. You’re playing with fire. MAVIN (angry) I may have just turned forty, but I’m not senile, Michael! I know what I’m doing! MICHAEL ...I think we’re gonna go inside now. Michael and Johnny get out of the golf cart. MICHAEL (to Johnny) Stay away from that creep. They walk toward the club house. Mavin sees an ant crawling on the tip of his shoe. He flicks it off and crushes the anthill beside. INT. SUBWAY STATION – NIGHT Cornelius waits for the subway train to arrive. A HOOKER taps him on the shoulder. He turns around to face her -or him. HOOKER Hey there, sailor. Cornelius raises an eyebrow, unsure of the Hooker’s true gender. HOOKER Wanna make some easy money? CORNELIUS It’s not MLM is it? HOOKER No... It’s legitimate. 25 CORNELIUS It’s not tool and die is it? I’m already in the tool and die industry. HOOKER No. It’s not. CORNELIUS What is it then? HOOKER I’ll have to show you. CORNELIUS Can’t you just tell me? The subway train passes by. HOOKER What’s the matter? The Hooker takes off his wig. HOOKER Don’t like surprises? Cornelius winces. Yikes. EXT. CORNELIUS’ HOUSE – DAY A yellow speeding Yugo pulls up to the curbside. Johnny hops out of the car and runs to the front entrance. He knocks on the door. Cornelius! The door opens. An arm pops out and pulls him inside. INT. CORNELIUS’ HOUSE - MAIN FOYER – DAY Cornelius lets go of Johnny and shuts the door. CORNELIUS You’re late! JOHNNY I was visiting my grandmother at the hospital. Now what’s the emergency? Johnny looks at his watch. JOHNNY Wait a minute -- I’m not late. CORNELIUS Never mind that. JOHNNY CORNELIUS 26 Cornelius grabs a black briefcase off the floor and tosses it to Johnny. CORNELIUS Here! JOHNNY What is this? CORNELIUS It’s a briefcase. JOHNNY I can see that. But why are you giving it to me? CORNELIUS I need you to deliver it. JOHNNY ...These aren’t drugs are they? Cornelius folds his arms and shoots Johnny an “oh come on” look. JOHNNY Okay, so they aren’t drugs. But whaddaya need me for? Can’t you use FedEx? CORNELIUS Did you not see what they did to Tom Hanks in ‘Cast Away’? Plus, I have a h-h-hot date. JOHNNY (rolls eyes) Again? Cornelius places his arms around Johnny. CORNELIUS Hey, it’s not my fault I’m a lady killer. Not literally of course. That would be illegal. JOHNNY Okay, fine. I’ll do it. Great! Cornelius starts pushing Johnny toward the door. JOHNNY Wait! You never told me anything! Cornelius reaches into his pocket and pulls out a smudged map scrawled onto a soggy napkin. He hands it to Johnny. CORNELIUS 27 JOHNNY (reading) Oiltron Incorporated. 475 Wintermute Road. CORNELIUS It’s near the Zanzibar. JOHNNY The strip club? CORNELIUS You’ve been? Uh, no. JOHNNY CORNELIUS That’s a surprise... JOHNNY What’s that supposed to mean? Cornelius! Cornelius glances back. CORNELIUS (back to Johnny) So what were we talking about? Cornelius! DANICA (OS) DANICA (OS) CORNELIUS (turns around, yells) What! What! What! DANICA (OS) What time is it? JOHNNY What time is it?! What kinda question is that?! DANICA (OS) My watch is broken. JOHNNY Come down here and I’ll give you a new watch! Danica trudges downstairs and heads to the main foyer where she catches eyes with Johnny. DANICA Johnny? 28 JOHNNY Danica? CORNELIUS You two know each other? Kinda. JOHNNY CORNELIUS (rubs chin) Oh. That’s interesting. JOHNNY (apologetic) Cornelius, I had no idea she was your hot date. DANICA What! Gross! Huh? JOHNNY CORNELIUS CORNELIUS We’re not dating, Johnny! She’s my sister for Petesake! DANICA Half sister! JOHNNY How come you never told me you had a sister? CORNELIUS Now, why would I lead a goat to the grass? JOHNNY That doesn’t make any sense. CORNELIUS Whatever! Just get that briefcase delivered! Cornelius opens the door. CORNELIUS And take my sister with you. She’s really annoying. Am not! CORNELIUS Yeah right. DANICA 29 Cornelius shoos, Johnny and Danica, out the house. CORNELIUS Now get going! The delivery is due before noon! JOHNNY (OS) What about gas? I don’t have enough money for gas to get back home. CORNELIUS You can keep half the delivery fee! JOHNNY (OS) Is that enough? DANICA (OS) Let’s just go already. Steps are heard on the pavement as, Danica and Johnny, head to the Yugo. CORNELIUS (waves) Have a good time! Cornelius slams the door shut. EXT. WINTERMUTE ROAD – YUGO – DAY Following a hunky bright yellow Yugo on an unrecognizable New York road. A strangely deserted area. INT. WINTERMUTE ROAD – YUGO - DAY Johnny drives his car along at a steady pace, while Danica fiddles with her watch. JOHNNY It’s probably out of batteries. DANICA I put it new batteries. JOHNNY Lemme see that. Danica hands her watch to Johnny. EXT. WINTERMUTE ROAD – YUGO - DAY The traffic light ahead turns red. INT. WINTERMUTE ROAD – YUGO - DAY Johnny brings the Yugo to a full stop. He smacks the watch in the palm of his hand. DANICA I don’t think that’s gonna -- 30 Johnny hands Danica back her watch. She is extremely befuddled. The watch is working and the hands on the face are moving perfectly. Danica carefully inspects the watch. EXT. WINTERMUTE ROAD – YUGO - DAY The traffic light ahead turns yellow. Johnny edges the Yugo forward. INT. WINTERMUTE ROAD – YUGO - DAY A hobo suddenly jumps onto the hood of the car -MR. HOBO. MR. HOBO Where’s the briefcase?! He pounds on the windshield, causing it to crack. Holy crap! Johnny reverses the Yugo, throwing Mr. Hobo off the hood. EXT. WINTERMUTE ROAD – YUGO - DAY He spins the car around and drives in the opposite direction. INT. WINTERMUTE ROAD – YUGO - DAY Danica looks in the rearview mirror. DANICA I think we have a problem. Mr. Hobo is running after that car at superhuman speed -and he is beginning to catch up! Suddenly the Yugo stalls out. It makes a loud gear grinding noise and doesn’t move anywhere. JOHNNY Oh no! Not now! Frantically, Johnny steps on the gas. Come on! EXT. WINTERMUTE ROAD – YUGO - DAY Smoke comes out from the car. INT. WINTERMUTE ROAD – YUGO - DAY It blocks the interior view. JOHNNY DANICA 31 JOHNNY Aw gee! As Johnny and Danica cough from the fumes, the front left window shatters into a thousand little pieces. EXT. WINTERMUTE ROAD – YUGO - DAY Mr. Hobo reaches in and yanks Johnny outside. He grabs him by throat and suspends him in the air. MR. HOBO Where is it?! JOHNNY (choking) I don’t know what you’re talking about! MR. HOBO (squeezes harder) Liar! JOHNNY Ack! I can’t breathe! Hey! Mr. Hobo looks back. Danica is holding up the black briefcase, waving it like a sausage to a dog. DANICA Is this what you’re looking for? Mr. Hobo drops Johnny on the ground and rushes toward Danica. As he gets closer, Danica takes out a can of pepper spray and blasts him in the face. Mr. Hobo screams in agony, his eyes go bloodshot from the concentrated spices. Danica uses the briefcase, and with all her girl power, smashes Mr. Hobo over the head. He stumbles, swaying back and forth, trying to stay up. Then he falls over, unconscious... Thud! Danica huffs from exasperation. She holds the now-dented briefcase by her side as Johnny hobbles over. He rubs his throat and looks at Mr. Hobo. JOHNNY Remind me never to help your brother again. DANICA ...Half brother. DANICA (OS) 32 INT. MAVIN’S OFFICE – DAY The clock on the wall changes to 11:59, a minute before noon. The back of a large black leather chair faces outward behind a mahogany wood desk; sitting neatly under jumbo golden letters which read: OILTRON INC The silver intercom on the desk goes off. Bzzzt. SECRETARY (VO) Mr. Sacreto. The chair spins to the left. No facial details of the person sitting down are revealed. All that can be seen is a finger pressing a button. But we know who it is -- Mavin Sacreto, the oil tycoon. MAVIN What is it? SECRETARY (VO) They’re here. MAVIN Send ‘em in. Mavin spins back around and presses a button on the arm of his chair. The double doors at the front swing open. Johnny and Danica enter the office. They walk forward to the desk as the doors close behind. MAVIN On the desk please. Johnny places the dented briefcase on the desk. He and Danica stand around while Mavin says nothing. Um -MAVIN Yes, your compensation. Would you please step to your left? Johnny and Danica step to the left. Mavin presses a green dollar-sign button on his chair. A brown package drops from the ceiling and smacks Johnny on the head, “Ow!” Heads up. MAVIN JOHNNY Danica picks up the package. MAVIN Check the package. Make sure everything’s there. 33 She tears it open. There is a super thick wad of crisp green bills, all hundreds. Johnny grabs the money and looks in disbelief. He runs his thumb across it like a stack of cards. JOHNNY How much money is this?! MAVIN $50,000 -- should be enough to get you through the weekend. JOHNNY No... We can’t take it. DANICA (to Johnny) What’re you nuts? JOHNNY It’s too much money -- for an hour’s worth of work -- $50,000? (shakes head) Something’s gotta be wrong here. Mavin laughs. The office doors swing open. MAVIN Go home and enjoy your money. But -DANICA (to Johnny) Come on. Danica pulls Johnny by the arm. The two leave. The doors shut behind. Mavin slowly spins his chair around. He takes the briefcase and runs his hands across the leather. He spins the numbers on the lock and pops it open. His face is finally seen, as a strange glow casts upon his eyes. Mavin takes in a deep breath. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – INSIDE – NIGHT A Luxo L-1 lights Grandma Mildred’s face as she lies in bed, wistfully watching the rain gently fall outside. The Nurse enters the room. Her presence unnoticed, she quietly places down a lush bouquet of flowers on the nightstand. There is a photo greeting card on the front, a picture of young Johnny surrounded by his former family: Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, and his older sister, Marissa. JOHNNY 34 EXT. QUARRY – NIGHT A thunderstorm rages... Rain pours down over the top of a yellow hardhat, emblazoned with an insignia, a red pentagram logo scored within a circle. Underneath the helmet, the wearer is revealed as Mavin Sacreto. He shouts to his men with a commanding voice. MAVIN Keep going! A continuous miner machine digs into the wall of rock. Little chunks fly away from the machine and ping Mavin on his helmet. MAVIN Keep going! The continuous miner machine struggles to penetrate the wall of rock, but with Mavin’s motivation, the operator breaks through. He reverses the machine as the surrounding work-lights flicker. An entryway is created. Mavin walks through the mud and goes over to look at the cavern. EXT. QUARRY - CAVERN – NIGHT A group of Henchmen appear and surround Mavin in a semicircle; one of them holding the dented black briefcase from earlier before. MAVIN Do you smell that boys? The Henchmen look at each other, confused. Mavin takes in a deep whiff of the air, “Ahhh!” MAVIN That is the smell of success! He pulls out a flashlight and goes inside the cavern. HENCHMAN #1 follows with the dented briefcase. He pushes up the sunglasses on his face and also sniffs with his nose before entering. HENCHMAN #1 Hmm, so that’s what that is! 35 INT. CAVERN – NIGHT Mavin and his Henchmen walk into a large cavern with strange markings on the wall: crude drawings of an ancient people, fighting with monsters and various unknown creatures. HENCHMAN #1 This place gives me the creeps. Henchman #1 looks up at the ceiling. There are dozens of bats hanging from the stalactites. They shudder as the wind blows by. The group continues down the cavern where they become surrounded by a noise. Lub-dub. Lub-dub. A heartbeat. It gets louder the further they go. HENCHMAN #1 What’s that noise? Can anyone else hear that? Nobody answers. The group reaches a dead end. A giant spider web is blocking their way. MAVIN We’re here. Henchman #1 nervously tugs on his collar. HENCHMAN #1 I’ve suddenly acquired arachnophobia. HENCHMAN #2 steps forward. HENCHMAN #2 It’s just a spider web. Henchman #2 takes out a Zippo. He flips open the top and lights the spider web on fire. The group passes through as it dissipates. INT. CAVERN – SEPULCHER - NIGHT They go into the sepulcher, a high domed tomb, lit through a hole, by the stars and moon above. Mavin leads his Henchmen to the far end as the sound of the heartbeat gets louder. He points with his flashlight to a stone sarcophagus covered in a thick layer of dust. The impression on top looks like a person of middle-age, a man with a long skinny nose, and a distinctive Pancho Villa moustache. His resemblance, strongly old European. Mavin stands in front of the sarcophagus with his Henchmen. Mesmerized, he runs his finger along the dust, from toe to chest. 36 He wipes with his hand on top and blows the dust off, revealing a keyhole over the heart. MAVIN The briefcase, please. Henchman #1 presents the dented briefcase. Mavin spins the numbers on the lock to 666. He opens the briefcase and takes out a skull key. He places it in the keyhole of the sarcophagus and turns it clockwise. He steps back. The key spins counterclockwise like in a wind-up-toy. After thirteen rotations it stops and the sarcophagus unlocks -- click! Mavin eagerly tries to lift the lid, but it is far too heavy. MAVIN (struggling) A little help would be appreciated. The Henchmen go to aid their boss. Together they flip the heavy lid off the sarcophagus. It falls to the ground and shatters into a dozen pieces. Mavin and his men look into the sarcophagus. There is a shroud covering a cadaver. Mavin pulls away the shroud to reveal the ancient remains of a Romanian prince. A skeleton in a vibrant suit, clutching within its hands, a golden goblet encrusted with rubies, emeralds, and diamonds. Mavin bends the fingers backward on the body and pries away the goblet. He holds it up and spins it around, admiring the craftsmanship. MAVIN Exquisite, absolutely exquisite... The sound of a girl’s shrill scream echoes through the sepulcher. Mavin and his Henchmen turn their heads back. There is a GOTH BOY dragging along his equally depressed looking girlfriend, GOTH GIRL. She is extremely resistant, squealing and squirming. Mavin smirks as they come before him. GOTH GIRL Let go goddamn it! GOTH BOY First you have to calm down! 37 Goth Girl calms down. She pulls her arm away from her boyfriend, Goth Boy. MAVIN So, shall we begin? GOTH BOY First, where’s our payment? Mavin snaps his fingers. One of the Henchmen hands Goth Boy a comic book, a mint condition, Superman #1. GOTH BOY (gazing at cover) A real mint condition, 1939, Superman #1... MAVIN Is it to your satisfaction? Goth Boy nods. MAVIN Good... (to Henchmen) Hold the girl. Two Henchmen grab Goth Girl and hold her by the arms. As she fidgets nervously, Mavin goes over to her and takes out a Celtic flame dagger. He places it against her neck. GOTH BOY Be careful with my girlfriend! As Mavin glances at the reflection of the blade, a goliath spider jumps onto his shoulder. He twists his body and catches it with his dagger, skewering it like a piece of meat on a shish kabob. MAVIN I hate insects. Mavin throws the dagger away. Goth Girl breathes a sigh of relief. MAVIN Great, now I need another knife. Henchman #2 hands Mavin a Swiss Army knife. MAVIN (looks at knife) I guess this will have to do. Mavin takes the Swiss Army knife and nicks Goth Girl in the neck. She flinches from the pain. Mavin collects her blood as it streams into the goblet. 38 The Henchmen let go of Goth Girl. She gets woozy and starts to fall back, but is caught in the arms of Goth Boy. You okay? GOTH BOY GOTH GIRL I’m gonna kill you. Mavin takes the goblet over to the sarcophagus. He swirls around the blood and takes a deep whiff, “Ahhh.” MAVIN Just like a fine Chianti. He tilts the goblet over the corpse and drops some blood into its mouth. Nothing happens. HENCHMAN #1 Is something supposed to happen? MAVIN We need the blood of a virgin. Mavin looks to Goth Girl. MAVIN You are a virgin -- right? GOTH GIRL Um, the thing about that is... Goth Girl shakes her head, no. GOTH BOY (flustered) What?! You told me... I haven’t even... Oh my God! MAVIN Well, this is awkward. HENCHMAN #2 So boss, what’re we gonna do about the virgin? Everyone looks at Goth Boy. Goth Boy looks back, “Who me?” CUT TO: The Henchmen push down Goth Boy, bending him over. Mavin nicks his neck with the Swiss Army knife and collects his blood into the goblet. When it is near full, the Henchmen let go. Goth Boy stands up and faints. 39 GOTH GIRL Dylan! Goth Girl runs over to him and kneels down by his side. She gently puts his head into her lap. GOTH GIRL Oh! Who knew life could be full of so much pain?! Hovering over the sarcophagus, Mavin pours the blood from the goblet into the mouth of the corpse. It flashes a bright red, and cells begin to multiply like magic, enveloping the bones with new skin and flesh. Mavin turns to his Henchmen, excited. MAVIN Ladies and gentlemen... A foot stamps down in front of the sarcophagus... Clop! Then another... Clop! We look up to a pale sleeping face, the very figure seen from on top of the sarcophagus. MAVIN Vlad the Impaler! VLAD the Impaler opens his eyes. They are a piercing cold blue. Henchman #1 takes off his sunglasses, and with the others, stares in disbelief. Dracula? Without a word, without looking at a single person, Vlad begins to walk away. HENCHMAN #2 (to self) Where’s he going? Then he stops in the middle of the sepulcher. He looks up through the hole, at the night sky, the twinkling stars and the moon. MAVIN Vlad! Did you forget the deal we made on the Ouija board? I give you life and you give me immortality! Vlad lowers his head, his eyes shifts to the left. He reaches underneath his garment takes out a gold medallion with a red jewel in the center. He pulls it off and squeezes it in his hand. HENCHMAN #1 40 MAVIN Well? I hope we don’t have to play hardball. Mavin bounces a bottle of holy water up and down in the palm of his hand. (NOTE: All instances of Romanian language will be indicated by enclosure in brackets; subtitles indicated by wryly.) Vlad grins evilly. No... VLAD He spins around and points his medallion at Mavin. The jewel glows a ferocious bright red. Mavin chest pain. slams drops the bottle of holy water and clutches his like he’s having a heart attack. He screams in His body swings and convulses out of control. He against the rock. The red light casts a shadow on the wall -- Mavin transforming from a human to a gargantuan eight foot tall DEMON. EXT. QUARRY – CAVERN - NIGHT A beastly roar startles the bats. They fly away from the cavern and disappear into the night sky. INT. COLLEGE RECEPTION AREA – DAY Johnny enters the reception area of the college. He goes over to the counter and smiles at the RECEPTIONIST. She pulls down her thick coke bottle glasses and looks up. RECEPTIONIST (with attitude) Can I help you? Johnny slides a check onto the counter. JOHNNY My tuition... The Receptionist takes the check and looks at it with scrutiny. She takes out a stick of bubblegum and puts it in her mouth. RECEPTIONIST (chewing) You know there’s a fee if the check bounces. I know. JOHNNY 41 The Receptionists records something into her binder. Then she slips the check into a drawer. RECEPTIONIST Okay then. You can be on your merry way now. Thank you. JOHNNY Johnny heads toward the exit. He pauses and looks outside through the glass door. He sees Danica being harassed on campus, getting touched up by some large male student. Johnny gets angry and puts out his hand. He rushes through the door. EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS – DAY Surrounded by his entourage, the large male student named KHALID, presses Danica for a date. He grabs her by the chin and gazes into her eyes. KHALID (forceful) Stop being such a tease. You know you want me, Danica. Danica shoves Khalid away. DANICA I’d rather go swimming in Amity Island. Johnny appears in the distance. He picks up a pebble from the ground and flings it at Khalid. KHALID Danica if you -It falls short and hits him on the shoulder. Khalid turns his head back and sees Johnny waving his fist in the air. JOHNNY (in distance) Leave ‘er alone yah big pervert! Johnny marches over to Danica, Khalid, and his entourage. KHALID (folds arms) Well look who it is! Shia LaBeouf! Khalid’s entourage giggles. JOHNNY I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult, but -- 42 KHALID Hey! Aren’t you that little wiener kid I used to pick on in high school? JOHNNY I’m not a kid anymore, Khalid. KHALID Really? Then I guess can’t do -Khalid gives Johnny a smack in the cheek. This! Hey! KHALID (another smack) Or this! Quit it! JOHNNY KHALID JOHNNY Or Or Or Or KHALID (another) this! (another) this! (another) this! (a really big one) this! Khalid’s entourage laughs like hyenas. Johnny turns around, his face red with anger and embarrassment. It’s high school all over again. DANICA (whispers to Johnny) Johnny, get out of here. I can stick up for myself. You know, Khalid. He’s just a big harmless douche bag. Over the laughter, Johnny balls his hand into a tight fist. He spins around and throws a left hook punch. But the attack on Khalid is ineffective. The bully just rubs his chin, like he got slapped by a girl. KHALID Ouch... I think. Realizing his blunder, Johnny has an abrupt change of mood, from fury to regret. 43 JOHNNY Oh! I am so sorry! I don’t know what came over me. I just got so emotional, I -KHALID It’s okay! I deserved it. I bullied you all throughout high school, and you finally lashed out. I understand. JOHNNY Really? KHALID Naw. Khalid lunges at Johnny and grabs him into a headlock. KHALID C’mere porcupine! He starts giving him a high dosage of schoolyard noogies. JOHNNY Agh! I said I was sorry! KHALID Sometimes ‘sorry’ isn’t good enough. DANICA Khalid! Stop being a jerk! KHALID Girls like jerks, right? As Johnny tries to pull away, a bright light shines onto his face. On the curbside, a familiar black sports car honks its horn. It hops onto the grass and speeds toward the group. It spins around and breaks, stopping only mere inches away from a collision. The window on the driver side rolls down. Khalid loosens his grip on Johnny. Johnny! JOHNNY Cornelius? What’re you doing here? Danica stands behind to listens. CORNELIUS Johnny, I... I don’t know how to say this, but... I... CORNELIUS 44 JOHNNY Cornelius, you can tell me anything. I won’t get mad. What is it? CORNELIUS I went to look for you at the hospital, and, and... And what? JOHNNY CORNELIUS Your grandmother passed away. Khalid lets go of Johnny. Johnny stands up with a complete look of shock on his face, a mix of emotions, sadness, anger, and disbelief. EXT. CEMETERY – DAY The sunset paints the sky a fiery orange on a tepid late afternoon... Johnny is on the grass, motionless, lying facedown in front of his Grandmother’s tombstone. “MILDRED WALLACE, 1928 – 20XX” From what can be told by his backside, his dirty clothes, his messy hair, and general disheveled appearance, he has been at the cemetery for quite some time. As we look at his lifeless body, a long shadow appears. It pokes him in the back with a rake handle. Johnny just lies there and groans, but a few more pokes and he begins to stir. He opens his eyes and rolls over. Standing above him is the GROUNDSKEEPER -- a burly young man holding a garden rake, wearing a gray Irish tweed cap. JOHNNY Please. Stop poking me. GROUNDSKEEPER I think it’s time you went home, boy-o. JOHNNY (somewhat hysterical) What home? You mean that concrete box I live in? The one with nobody in it? Just me, myself and I? Now why would I want to go home? To whom? To what? GROUNDSKEEPER No need to be melodramatic. It’s just a suggestion. 45 Johnny sits up. Still “out of it”, he continues his rant. JOHNNY Suggestions, suggestions aren’t what I need right now. What I need is the necronomicon. See, if I had the necronomicon, I could bring my family back to life... If I had it right now, that would be especially convenient, because they’re all right here. Johnny points to a stone angel. JOHNNY See by that stone angel? That’s where my family is buried. (counts on fingers) Mom, dad, sister, gramps, they’re all there in one convenient package. Ah, it’s just too bad they ran out of space for my grandmother. Now I have to succumb to the inefficiencies of walking back and forth between two places! GROUNDSKEEPER I know you’re in a lot pain, everyone who comes here is, but you can’t go on like this. Just look at yourself for a minute. You’re a mess, you’re a bloody mess. The Groundskeeper bends forward and looks Johnny firmly in the eyes. GROUNDSKEEPER Don’t waste your life mourning over the past. It’s not what your family would want. Johnny’s thinks of a response. He lifts his head to answer. JOHNNY Yeah well that -But the Groundskeeper is gone. Johnny stands up and looks around, but the cemetery is empty. There is nobody here but the cooing mourning dove sitting above in the olive tree, “Hooo, hooo.” INT. OILTRON BOARDROOM – DAY Facing the other board members, the Chief Financial Officer, the CFO, outlines his plan to increase company revenue. 46 Standing under golden letters which read “OILTRON INC”, he points to a colored graph on white cardboard with a wooden pointer. CFO ...And that is how we increase revenue, and ultimately the bottom line. The Chief Operating Officer, the COO, raises her hand. COO Are you sure complete automation of offshore platforms is a wise idea? Don’t robots usually have a tendency to -- go kind of nuts? CFO That’s just fiction. It’d never happen in real life. The technology we’ve developed with JE is top of the line. Not even the US military has it. COO Is that a good thing? CFO You bet your ass, missy! The room is silent, unsure what to think. CFO So, any other questions? Suddenly the doors to the boardroom burst open. Vlad enters with his LAWYER -- a pretty woman dressed in a skirted suit, holding a black jumbo leather portfolio. She follows Vlad to the front of the room where he knocks over the graph resting on the easel. COO Hey buddy, what the hell do you think you’re doing? Vlad leers at the COO. He gets frightened and sits down. The CHAIRMAN slams his fist down on the table. CHAIRMAN (Texan accent) This is highly inappropriate! LAWYER Boys and girls, the hostile takeover has already been completed! The Lawyer unfurls a takeover document and shows it to the board. 47 LAWYER Did you not get the memo? CHAIRMAN Let me see that goddamn thing. The Lawyer tosses the document to the Chairman. He reads it over carefully. CHAIRMAN Good lord! Sacreto sold the company for a thousand dollars! The boardroom murmurs with disbelief. CHAIRMAN ...And a Kit Kat bar! COO This has got to be a joke. This is a Fortune 500 company. CHAIRMAN Dog crap! This is dog crap! Where is Mavin Sacreto?! Vlad walks over to the open window. He beckons for the Chairman to follow. CHAIRMAN What is he doing? LAWYER I think he wants you to see something. The Chairman gets up. Vlad points out to the window below. CHAIRMAN What’re you pointin’ at Greenhorn? The Chairman bends over to look outside. CHAIRMAN I don’t see nothin’. Vlad pushes the Chairman out the window. Then with no emotion whatsoever, turns back to the board of directors. VLAD (He will be fine.) The Lawyer opens her portfolio and places a glorified picture of hell onto the easel. Vlad step in front to present. He speaks in Romanian while his Lawyer translates. 48 VLAD (Please direct your eyes toward this picture. This will be our next venture. We will be opening a portal to hell. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that is what we are going to do. If you have any objections, please, keep them to yourself. Otherwise I will be forced to kill you in an excruciating and, or, brutal manner.) LAWYER (translating) Under new management we will pursue new and exciting ventures. First order of business, we are going to open a, ahem, portal to hell. Vlad proudly points to the picture of hell. The Chief Marketing Officer, the CMO, raises his finger with concern. CMO Did you say ‘hell’? LAWYER Yes. Hell. H-E-L-L. The CMO slaps his knee and laughs. CMO This guy’s crazy! You’re crazy! You’re absolutely crazy! Hell is a fantasy! It’s fiction! It doesn’t exist! Vlad marches over to the CMO. He leans forward and grabs his tie. He stares angrily, deep into his eyes. CUT TO: The CMO’s black leather chair spins around empty as Vlad and his Lawyer continue their presentation. The picture on the easel has changed, from a picture of hell, to a picture of pretty girls lying around a swimming pool full of money. LAWYYER Any questions? CFO Let me get this straight. We are going to drill for oil in hell? LAWYER Is there something you don’t understand? 49 COO How do we even know there’s oil down there? LAWYER Well the fire definitely doesn’t come from the birthday candles. The directors turn to each other, still unsure of the proposition. VLAD (If you do this you will be handsomely rewarded. Everyone in this room will get a bonus of fifty million dollars each.) COO How’s that? LAWYER Fifty million dollars for each person who cooperates. The directors bristle with excitement and murmur amongst each other about the proposal. Vlad puts his hand down on the table and leans forward. He clears his throat. The room quiets down. VLAD (subtitles) (But if you do not cooperate I will be forced to spread your legs forty five degrees, impale you on a wooden spike, collect your blood and drink it like delicious cherry Kool-aid... Anything left will be given to the hospitals.) LAWYER (translates) And part of the profits will go to charity. The boardroom claps. Vlad gives a wide toothy grin, showing the fangs in his mouth. EXT. CENTRAL PARK TRAIL - DAY Danica listens to her iPod while taking a brisk jog through a quiet trail between the trees. Loud noises of machinery drown out her music. She takes off her earphones and sprints forward into the Conservatory Garden. 50 EXT. CONSERVATORY GARDEN – INSIDE - DAY An open cabin bulldozer stops in her way. The OPERATOR yells. OPERATOR Hey lady! Move it or lose it! DANICA What’s going on here? The other bulldozers and machinery work in the background, flattening the land. OPERATOR What does it look like? We’re bakin’ a frickin’ cake, lady! Danica walks to the side of the bulldozer. She climbs onto the treads and grabs the Operator by his collar. DANICA Don’t patronize me. OPERATOR Easy lady! I was yankin’ yah chain! Danica loosens her grip. OPERATOR We’re makin’ some sorta monument or something. I dunno. They never told us anything. We’re just bulldozer operators! Danica puts her earphones back on and hops off the bulldozer. She disappears into the foliage. The Operator lifts his hardhat and wipes above his brow. Oy! Women! He turns his bulldozer around. On the back of the machine is a red pentagram logo. EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT An ET-esque moon backdrops the apartment building. INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY – NIGHT Johnny walks through the hallway. He stops by the door outside his apartment. There is a bright orange sheet of paper on the door. An eviction notice. Johnny takes the sheet and folds it into the back of his pocket. He takes out his keys and puts it into the door lock. He tries to turn it, but the door won’t open. OPERATOR 51 Johnny grunts and tries harder. The key snaps off. Aw great. JOHNNY Johnny takes out a credit card and wedges it between the crack of the door. He pushes it forward -- the card snaps in half. Johnny looks at his broken credit card, MasterCard. JOHNNY Priceless my ass... He steps back and rams the door open with his shoulder. INT. APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM – NIGHT Johnny is napping, sprawled across his couch, when there is a knock at the door. He opens his eyes. As he rises up and gets to his feet, the eviction notice in the back of his pocket accidentally slips out. It falls down to the floor and floats underneath the couch, sticking out partially as an orange triangle. Johnny goes to answer the door as the knocks continue. INT. APARTMENT - MAIN FOYER – NIGHT Johnny groggily heads toward the door. He wipes the drool off his mouth and looks through the peephole. Cornelius and Danica wave, hello. INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT The door outside Johnny’s apartment swings open. JOHNNY (rubs eyes) What’re you guys doing here? CORNELIUS (jokingly) We uh came here to collect donations for the Church of Scientology. Cornelius sticks out his hand. JOHNNY You’re an atheist. CORNELIUS So what, I can’t believe in aliens? Danica pushes Cornelius aside. DANICA Ignore the idiot... We really came here to cheer you up. 52 She smiles broadly. JOHNNY Cheering up? I don’t need cheering up. I’m fine. I’m dandy. I’m dandy, Danica! CORNELIUS Johnny. You haven’t been to school in a month. You! Johnny the mathlete! JOHNNY So, I’m taking a break. My brain’s on ice. Is that such a big deal? Is that such a surprise? CORNELIUS You need us, Johnny. Seriously. JOHNNY (sighs) What do you have planned? Danica holds up a DVD case. A movie? JOHNNY DANICA Not just any movie. Johnny squints. JOHNNY (reading) Chasing Amy 2? DANICA It’s a direct to DVD release! INT. APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Johnny, Cornelius and Danica are bunched together on the couch watching, “Chasing Amy 2”. JAY (VO) Say something Silent Bob! BOB (VO) ... JAY (VO) Nootchie, nootchies! JOHNNY (to Cornelius) What does that mean again? CORNELIUS I think he’s having a seizure. 53 Danica gets up. DANICA I’ll be back. She heads to the washroom. CORNELIUS You’re gonna miss the movie! INT. APARTMENT - BATHROOM – NIGHT The doorknob inside the bathroom slowly turns. Danica peeks in and enters. She flips on the light switch and closes the door. She goes over to the crapper and covers the seat with several sheets of toilet paper. INT. APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Johnny and Cornelius are on the couch, still watching their movie. BOB (VO) I pushed her away. So I spent everyday since then Chasing Amy... Then I found out she was actually a man. Aw gross! HOLDEN (VO) Cornelius yawns and hunches over. He notices an orange triangle, Johnny’s eviction notice, sticking out between his feet. He bends over and picks it up. Johnny goes wide-eyed as he watches Cornelius’ eyes scan the paper. CORNELIUS (reading) Eviction notice. JOHNNY Uh! You’re missing the movie! Johnny tries to grab the paper, but Cornelius pulls away and continues reading. CORNELIUS (still reading) You have five days to vacate the premises! JOHNNY Cornelius, it’s not what you think. CORNELIUS It’s not what I think? So you’re not being evicted from your apartment? 54 JOHNNY Well the thing about that is... CORNELIUS Johnny! If you have a problem, I don’t care what it is. I can help. Johnny pulls his hair and sinks into his knees. JOHNNY Ugh! I’m such a loser! I can’t do anything right! CORNELIUS Wait, what happened to that $25,000 you got when you delivered that briefcase? Johnny sits up. JOHNNY I... sorta gave it away. CORNELIUS You gave away twenty-five g’s?! JOHNNY It was a good cause. CORNELIUS What cause could be worth, $25,000? A girl. JOHNNY CORNELIUS A girl? A girl?! JOHNNY She was sick, Cornelius -- really sick. The money I gave her didn’t even cover everything. We had to hold a church fundraiser. Cornelius sympathetically puts his arm around Johnny. CORNELIUS Johnny. I don’t care what you did with your money. You’re gonna stay with me. JOHNNY No, I can’t. CORNELIUS Johnny. This place is a rat hole. There wasn’t even any security to stop us from entering the building. 55 JOHNNY I dunno. CORNELIUS Johnny. I know you’re a giver. I know you don’t like to take charity. But considering the options -- you don’t have any options. INT. APARTMENT - BATHROOM – NIGHT Danica gets up from the toilet and pulls up her pants. She pushes down the toilet handle and walks over to the sink. As the water swirls around inside the toilet bowl, it starts to turn into blood. While Danica is washing her hands, the toilet begins to overflow in the corner of the vanity mirror. Blood pours onto the floor and swims over to Danica’s feet like a shark. She turns around and steps in the blood, soaking her socks. Danica screams and runs out of the bathroom. The blood mysteriously recedes back into the toilet. INT. APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM – NIGHT Danica runs into the living room. Guys! DANICA Johnny and Cornelius are missing. On the television set, the DVD is on its menu screen. Guys? A muffled phone ring sounds off. Danica searches the room, following the noise with her ear. She looks between the couch cushions and finds a cordless handset. DANICA (picks up) Hello? The reception is unclear. Hissing and popping. JOHNNY Danica! Thank God! We’ve been looking everywhere for you! (to Cornelius) Yeah, she’s at the apartment. (to Danica) Where were you? DANICA 56 DANICA In the bathroom. And you’ll never guess what -JOHNNY (interrupts) Cornelius looked in the bathroom. You weren’t -Hiss! Pop! What? DANICA JOHNNY You weren’t there! DANICA I don’t know what apartment you were in, but I -More noise interrupts. JOHNNY You can’t just leave for four hours and expect us not to worry! DANICA I was in there for five minutes. JOHNNY What’re you... You were gone for four hours! But I... DANICA JOHNNY Never mind. We’re coming back to the apartment. So don’t leave. We -A torrent of static noise ends the conversation. Danica hangs up the phone. She looks at her watch -- 11:11 PM. MATCH CUT TO: INT. CORNELIUS’ HOUSE - JOHNNY’S BEDROOM – DAY By the bed, the alarm clock on the nightstand goes off. Beep! Beep! Beep! 7:11 AM. As a hand comes down on the snooze button, Cornelius enters the room with a spatula, wearing an apron and chef’s hat. CORNELIUS Wakey! Wakey! Eggs and bakey! He pulls the blanket off, Johnny. 57 Johnny curls up into a ball and hugs his pillow. Cornelius pulls open the blinds. CORNELIUS Come on, angel pie... (pulls blinds higher) Get up! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! JOHNNY Not hungry. CORNELIUS You gotta eat before you go to work! Where else will you get your electrolytes from? JOHNNY No work. Tired. Need more snooze. Cornelius gets onto the bed and starts jumping up and down, much to Johnny’s annoyance. JOHNNY Stop... it. Cornelius stops jumping. He lies down beside Johnny. CORNELIUS Johnny, it’s either go to work or do house chores. And y’know, I got alotta very dirty toilets. Johnny sits up and groans. INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY Johnny is alone, behind the counter at work. He rests his chin on his hand, wistfully watching the Easter Parade outside, through a large barred window. EXT. 57TH STREET – DAY The marching band travels down the street, their drums filling the air with an intoxicating rhythm. EXT. 57TH STREET – ALLEYWAY – DAY Up ahead, a man-dressed-as-a-construction-worker puts down a detour sign pointing into the alleyway. He signals for the band to follow it. They go inside and disappear into the shadow. The man-dressed-as-a-construction-worker takes away the detour sign and disappears. Parade floats pass by as a loud unseen scuffle takes place -- Biff! Bap! Bam! Wham! 58 Seconds later, Vlad and two of his Henchmen emerge from the alleyway. Wearing one-size-too-small marching band uniforms, and beating their stolen drums, they go out onto the street. INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY The Easter Parade continues outside... Vlad and his two Henchmen enter the convenience store. Johnny stands up straight, ready to serve his “customers.” They go ‘round back and pick up a miscellany of items: pop, chips, candy etc. They take them over to the counter. Johnny speedily scans each item. The total comes up on the cash register: $44.69. JOHNNY (reading) And your total is, forty four sixty nine. VLAD (subtitles) (Sorry.) Vlad takes out a tranquilizer gun and shoots Johnny in the neck with a dart. VLAD (subtitles) (I left my wallet at home.) Johnny falls down unconscious. The Henchmen mockingly beat their drums. EXT. HIGH RISE ROOFTOP – DAY The sound of the Easter Parade below fades as Johnny awakes from unconsciousness. He opens his eyes. The white haze around his vision slowly disappears. Standing in front of him are Vlad, with his hands behind his back, and his two Henchmen. VLAD (subtitles) (So this is the one?) Johnny tries to move but finds himself roped to a torture stake by the edge of the roof. VLAD (subtitles) (Hello my friend.) 59 Vlad takes out a hand from behind his back and squeezes Johnny’s face. JOHNNY Who are you? Vlad grins. VLAD (subtitles) (...Your worst nightmare.) And with his other hand, whips out an axe from behind his back. Johnny yelps and squeezes his eyes shut. But the axe swings down into the side of the torture stake. JOHNNY (opens eyes) Huh? Johnny sees he is not being chopped down. Vlad pulls back his axe and swings it again. The stake starts to slant. Johnny looks over his shoulder, down at the city below. Aw gee. INT. SUNDAY SCHOOL - DAY Father Fullerton and a group of children are having a Q&A about the Bible. A CURIOUS KID raises his hand. CURIOUS KID Father Fullerton? Fullerton responds with his heavy British accent. FULLERTON Yes, my child? CURIOUS KID How come we never read the Book of Revelation? FULLERTON It’s not for children. CURIOUS KID But I’m curious. FULLERTON First, why don’t we say a prayer? The children clasp their hands together with Father Fullerton. The SUNDAY SCHOOL class begins to pray. SUNDAY SCHOOL Our father... JOHNNY 60 EXT. HIGH RISE ROOFTOP – DAY As Vlad laughs and chops away at Johnny’s stake, Father Fullerton and the voice of the children speak over, continuing their prayer. SUNDAY SCHOOL (VO) ...Who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgives us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation but deliver from evil. Vlad gives the stake one last blow. He withdraws his axe and slings it onto his shoulder. VLAD (subtitles) (I think we are done here.) Then he and his Henchman leave through the rooftop hatch. Whew! JOHNNY Johnny looks around the roof, trying to figure out a way to escape, when a pigeon appears before his feet... A really, really, fat pigeon, with a daunting black eyed stare. It looks up at Johnny. JOHNNY Hey, little fella. Come to help me out? The pigeon flaps its wings and leaps on top of Johnny’s head. It squats down like it’s in a bird’s nest. JOHNNY No, no, no, get off my head! The excess weight causes the stake to snap and break. The pigeon flies up as Johnny flips off the roof. EXT. HIGH RISE BUILDING - ABOVE - DAY Johnny falls alongside the high rise building, “Aughhh!” INT. HIGH RISE BUILDING - OFFICE – DAY A man hits on a woman by the water cooler; meanwhile, outside the window, Johnny is rapidly descending to the ground. 61 EXT. HIGH RISE BUILDING - ABOVE - DAY The ropes holding Johnny to the stake catch fire and snap; arms free, Johnny covers his face and stares into the blackness of his hands. EXT. HIGH RISE BUILDING - BELOW – DAY Johnny removes his hands from his face. He finds himself floating in the air, barely an inch away from the ground, looking into a puddle of water. On his back, a pair of white angel wings. Johnny lifts himself up from the ground. He spins around while slowly rising, looking at the shrinking city below, getting smaller and smaller. JOHNNY (looks at wings) What is this? A taxicab driver jumps out of his car. He rubs his eyes and stares up with disbelief. EXT. HIGH RISE BUILDING - ABOVE – DAY Johnny flaps his wings and stares at the reflection of the glass. He puts out his right hand and looks at a cross-shaped scar “etched” into his palm. JOHNNY The spear of destiny... Johnny has transformed into the ANGEL. INT. HIGH RISE BUILDING – ANOTHER OFFICE – DAY Sitting in a cubicle, a lady busily types away at her computer. She glances to the side, where in the window the Angel is staring at his reflection. She ignores it and turns back to her computer. Doing a double-take, the lady whips her head back and looks again. She lifts her glasses onto her head in disbelief as the Angel flies away. EXT. SKY - DAY The Angel pops up through a cloud, “Wahooooo!” He flies around like a kite caught in a windstorm, twirling and whirling, diving and swooping, rising and falling. ANGEL Alriiight now! The Angel shoots forward like an arrow, bursting through the clouds with ease. 62 INT. AIRPORT TERMINAL – DAY The departure board changes. Tick, tick, tick. Over by the screening area, a long line is holding back travelers. A man-in-a-trench-coat, holding a black suitcase at the back of the line, takes out a stun gun and zaps one of the fliers. The flier drops to the floor and starts convulsing. While a crowd gathers and airport employees become distracted, the man-in-a-trench-coat quietly rushes past screening. Nobody notices. EXT. AIRPORT TARMAC – DAY Workers load up the plane with luggage. While nobody is looking, the man-in-a-trench-coat appears from behind a wheel. He drops his black suitcase onto the conveyor belt and scoots away. As it is carried up, the luggage tag flips over and shows a red pentagram logo. EXT. SKY – BOEING – DAY A Boeing 747 flies through the partly cloudy skies. INT. BOEING - COCKPIT - DAY The flight is going smoothly. INT. BOEING – CABIN - DAY A seemingly innocuous plane ride, the passengers are calm and quiet. A little boy stares out the window, at the wing of the plane. INT. BOEING - CARGO - DAY The black suitcase starts to beep. Beep! Beep! Beep! INT. BOEING – CABIN - DAY The suitcase bomb goes off. Baboom! The cabin rattles from side to side. Massive turbulence. The passengers scream for their lives. INT. BOEING – COCKPIT - DAY The control panel goes haywire with noise and light as the pilots try to regain control of the aircraft. The CAPTAIN is losing his cool. 63 CAPTAIN Oooooh shit! The plane is going down fast. EXT. SKY - BOEING – DAY The Boeing 747 rushes past the Angel. The gaping hole at its back releases a load of charred luggage and a trail of thick black smoke which engulfs the once serene sky. INT. BOEING - CABIN - DAY The terrified passengers hold onto their seats as the plane rumbles and accelerates downward. CAPTAIN (VO) (through speaker) This is your Captain speaking. Just wanted to let you know we will be landing soon... and to hang tight. The problems we are experiencing are currently being worked on. A brief moment of silence, it seems the passengers are calming -- then all of a sudden a bunch of yellow oxygen masks drop from the ceiling! The passengers erupt and squeal with fright. EXT. SKY - BOEING – DAY The Angel flies alongside the Boeing 747. INT. BOEING - COCKPIT – DAY As the plane spins into a nosedive, the co-pilot faints. CAPTAIN Smith, wake up! The Captain struggles for control of his plane. He pulls back on the yoke as hard as he can -- but the yoke breaks off. The scenery outside the window is getting uncomfortably large. The Captain squeezes his eyes shut. CAPTAIN This is a dream, this is a dream. It isn’t happening. It’s just a dream! A loud thud! The Captain opens his eyes. The Angel appears, crouched down over the cowling of the airplane. He looks at the Captain, then backflips away. 64 EXT. SKY – BOEING - DAY The Angel thrusts toward the plane and grabs hold of its nose. He pushes against it, like Atlas holding up the world. His fingers and body press into the metal. The plane is heading down toward the city. EXT. 43RD STREET – DAY A CHUBBY KID eating an ice cream sandwich looks up into the sky, where the Angel is rescuing the airplane. CHUBBY KID Go Superman! ANGEL (faint) I’m not Superman! EXT. ABOVE CITY – EN ROUTE 43RD - DAY The Angel and the plane head toward the city, the aircraft now flying on an angled trajectory. EXT. 43RD STREET – DAY Flying overhead; the left wing of the Boeing slices through a water tower cooler. The water falls below onto a bank robber and foils his escape. The plane heads lower into the city, but the wingspan is too large to fit between the buildings; so the Angel flies over to the right wing and starts pulling it up. INT. BOEING - CABIN – DAY The passengers shriek as they tumble to their left. EXT. 43RD STREET – DAY The Angel turns the plane on its side. The tip of a wing breaks off and grinds into the asphalt. A trail of fuel leaks behind onto the street and catches fire from the sparks. The Angel looks up ahead. The Boeing is headed for, Times Square. EXT. TIMES SQUARE – DAY Entering the square, the Angel lets go of the plane wing. The plane falls down onto its belly. The Angel flies to the nose of the plane and tries to slow it down; pushing it back as it scrapes against the asphalt. Bystanders jump out of the way to avoid being crushed. 65 A man listening to music in his Ferrari sees the oncoming plane in his rear view mirror. With only a second to spare, he leaps outside. His car gets crushed flat like a pancake -- but the plane begins to slow down. It schleps forward and finally stops when it pins the Angel against a large LCD monitor. A crowd gathers to look at the spectacle. The Angel pushes back the airplane. The glass on the monitor cracks as he unpins himself. He gets up and walks onto the top of the airplane, looking down at the gawkers. The plane door opens. Several heads stick out and look. ANGEL Is everyone okay? They nod in agreement. The Angel squints and stares up at the sun. He puts his arm out and flies away. The people below hastily take photos before he disappears. INT. RADIO STATION MEETING ROOM – DAY A newspaper lands on the meeting room desk. Thunk. “Winged Beast Spotted” The headline is accompanied by a picture of the Angel, a silhouette showing no facial details. Station manager CHAZ stands in front of the room and points irksomely at his co-workers, like an overzealous football coach. CHAZ Who is this winged beast and why don’t we have a picture of him?! Danica reveals her face from behind a LIFE magazine. DANICA Because this is a radio station? CHAZ Satellite radio station... and we have a website! Chaz gets in the face of one of the workers. CHAZ We have a website don’t we?! The worker nods sheepishly. 66 DANICA Yes, but it’s hosted by, Go Daddy. Chaz throws up his arms. CHAZ Go Daddy?! What kinda name is Go Daddy?! DANICA What kinda name is Chaz? CHAZ What did I tell you about that attitude, Danica? (points) That’s it! You’re on assignment! DANICA What? CHAZ You are now the official photographer of 88.8 NewsRadio! DANICA But I don’t know anything about photography. CHAZ What’s to know? You press a button, click, click, there you go! DANICA I don’t think -CHAZ Danica! What did I tell you about that attitude?! DANICA (sighs) Yes sir. CHAZ Now, let’s discuss cutbacks. Chaz turns to face the whiteboard. A folded Life magazine hurls across the room and smacks him in the back of the head, “Augh!” EXT. 5TH AVENUE – DAY Danica takes pictures with her camera while walking down the sidewalk with Cornelius. CORNELIUS Why am I here again? 67 DANICA To protect me. CORNELIUS From what? DANICA If you have to ask in New York -Cornelius interrupts Danica with a heavy sigh. Okay! CORNELIUS The two continue down the sidewalk. They reach outside of what should be the Conservatory Garden -- but peculiarly it is blocked off by a tall wooden fence, wrapping around the entire block. EXT. CONSERVATORY GARDEN - OUTSIDE - DAY As Danica takes more photos, Cornelius’ curiosity is piqued. He scrutinizes the fence. CORNELIUS Hey! There wasn’t a fence here before... was there? Cornelius reads the sign on the fence. “No Trespassers” DANICA I don’t think so. Cornelius jumps up and tries to look over the fence. CORNELIUS Damn! Too tall! He searches around with his eyes and spots a hole. He runs over to it and looks through. CORNELIUS (looking) Danica! I think you should take a look at this! Danica jogs over to Cornelius. He moves aside to let her see through the fence. DANICA (looking) What is it? CORNELIUS Who cares what it is. It’s weird! Take a picture. 68 Danica sticks the camera lens through the hole and takes a photo. She pulls back from the fence and shows it to Cornelius. DANICA (jokingly) Whaddaya think? The LCD screen shows a picture of an unusual contraption: It looks like a giant blender or something -- but without the glass jar, and instead of the usual four blade tips, there are three big fat blunt ones -- and it’s very evil in appearance, very Byzantine. Further adding to its peculiarity, the thing is in the middle of a pentagram, and there are five metal torture stakes with shackles and chains, stuck precisely by the five points of the star -- it looks like a place to hold people and suck away their souls. Yes this is definitely a construct of hell’s malevolence, A DOOMSDAY MACHINE CORNELIUS I think Peter Parker is gonna have some serious competition. Suddenly out of nowhere a hooked blade comes crashing down and skewers into Danica’s camera! CORNELIUS What the... Danica and Cornelius turn around. There on New York’s very own 5TH Avenue is the fourth horseman of the Apocalypse -- DEATH. A faceless man on a dark horse, wearing a long black tattered cloak, clenching a tall wavy scythe with white boney hands. Death’s horse neighs and rears back! Danica and Cornelius become startled. They hop to their heels and make a run for it. Death chases after them, his scythe raised high in the air. INT. 5TH AVENUE - POLICE CRUISER - DAY Two cops are enjoying a fresh box of Tim Hortons donuts, when through the side window, COP #1 and COP #2, see Danica and Cornelius being hunted down by Death. COP #1 (sitting shotgun) Oh my God. I think those kids are in trouble. 69 COP #2 Well whaddaya want me to do? Call the cops or something. Cop #1 uses his cell-phone to call the cops. An annoying custom ring-tone starts playing in the cruiser. Cop #2 picks up his cell-phone. COP #2 (on phone) Hello? COP #1 Ugh! Never mind. Cop #1 winds down his window. EXT. 5TH AVENUE – DAY Death continues chasing, Danica and Cornelius, while Cop #1 haphazardly shoots out his window in the background. Death scoops up Cornelius with his sickle; then with his bony fingers, grabs Danica and throws her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. DANICA (pounding on Death’s back) Let go of me you creep! Danica and Cornelius shriek as Death and his horse take them vertically over a soaring building, where at the top they disappear. INT. CORNELIUS’ HOUSE - MAIN FOYER - DAY The doorknob turns at the front entrance. Johnny enters the house with a bag of groceries. He kicks back his foot to close the door. JOHNNY Hey yooou guys! You’ll never guess what happened to me today! No answer. Guys? The odd silence is broken when a song begins to play: The “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.” Tink, Tink, tink. Tink, tink, tink. It sounds likes it’s coming from upstairs, from a musical box or some sort of cheap trinket. Johnny lifts his head toward the direction of the stairs. JOHNNY 70 INT. CORNELIUS’ HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALL - DAY As the “Sugar Plum Fairy” song plays, a ghostly looking toy with a metal key in its back ambles down the hallway. In the teeth of the red nutcracker soldier is a neatly folded note. INT. CORNELIUS’ HOUSE - MAIN FOYER - DAY The toy soldier reaches the top of the stairs. It marches forward and tumbles down onto its face. The music stops playing. Johnny puts down his groceries and picks it up. JOHNNY Poor little fella. Never had a chance. He turns the toy around and notices the folded note in its teeth. JOHNNY What’s this? He takes it out to read. VLAD (VO) Dear Mr. Wallace, if you want to see your friends alive again, you will meet me at the abandoned candy factory on 7th at Twelve O’Clock. Do not be late. JOHNNY (reads out loud) Sincerely yours, Vlad. MATCH CUT TO: INT. CANDY FACTORY – DAY Johnny puts down the ransom note. Vlad appears from the dark and waves hello. VLAD (Hello my friend! How are you?) JOHNNY (recognizes) You! What’ve you done with my friends? Vlad tweaks his moustache. VLAD I will answer questions after we discuss business. Johnny clenches his fists. 71 JOHNNY Alright, what do you want? VLAD I want you to die. JOHNNY I’m sorry. I didn’t plan on doing that ‘till my 30th birthday. VLAD Then second choice, you work for me. Help me free the beast. JOHNNY And you’ll release my friends? VLAD There’s no reason to keep them. JOHNNY I’ll need a minute to think this over. Johnny turns his back to Vlad. VLAD Have you decided? Johnny spins around. He spreads out his wings and turns into the Angel. JOHNNY Yeah. I’m just gonna kick your ass. He inches toward Vlad. VLAD (subtitles) (First, you must catch me!) Vlad clicks his heels together and disappears through a trapdoor. ANGEL Hey! The Angel runs over to the trapdoor and bangs on top of it with his foot. But the thick steel is impenetrable. ANGEL Damn! He got away! Suddenly a scraping noise comes from the darkness, like nails scratching across a blackboard. The Angel lifts his head and sees a pair of red eyes glowing in the shadow of the factory. A face emerges. A monstrous red face with horns, fangs, and sharp pointy ears. 72 The Demon lurches forward. His tall muscular body revealed in the light. He opens his mouth wide and screams an ear-piercing roar. The Angel’s eyes widen. Aw gee. ANGEL EXT. CANDY FACTORY – DAY The Angel and the Demon crash out from the second floor window. Shards of glass scatter all over the streets. The two tumble into the middle of the road. The Demon snaps its jaws at the Angel. The Angel takes his hands and holds the Demon’s jaws from closing in on his face, “Arghhhhh!” The Angel lets go and punches the Demon a one-two, then flips him into the wall of a building. Kadoosh! The red brick crumbles around his body. The Demon pulls away from the wall and shakes his head. The Angel puts up his guard, waiting for an attack. The two circle each other like boxers in a ring. The Demon gets down on all fours, like a vicious Rottweiler. He jumps toward the Angel with a burst of energy. The Angel bends back like Neo in, “The Matrix.” The Demon misses and goes crashing through a plate glass window, where he tumbles into a coffee shop. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY The coffee drinkers scream. Eeek! The Angel runs into the shop and jumps onto the Demon’s back. The Demon roars and spins around wildly, smashing and crashing into everything in sight. The coffee drinkers hide under their tables and chairs, as pieces of wood, glass, and hot coffee fly all over the place. The Demon spins toward the window. He grabs the Angel by his shoulders and throws him over his back and onto the concrete outside. EXT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY The Demon mounts the Angel and attacks him mercilessly with punches to the face. The Angel’s face becomes battered, bruised and bloodied. 73 The Demon grabs the semiconscious Angel by the hair and drags him down the sidewalk. He takes his head and smashes it into a wall. Not once. Not twice. But thrice! Smash! Smash! Smash! The Angel drops to the ground and doesn’t move. The Demon spreads out his wings in triumph and begins to walk away. The Angel suddenly springs to life. He grabs a lamppost behind and tears it out of the ground, wielding it like a baseball bat. ANGEL Batter up! The Demon turns around. The Angel swings at him with the lamppost. EXT. 7TH AVENUE – DAY The Demon goes hurdling through the air, down 7TH Avenue, toward a school bus full of kids. INT. 7TH AVENUE - SCHOOL BUS - DAY The BUS DRIVER waits for the traffic lights to change, while the children merrily sing, “The Wheels on the Bus.” CHILDREN (singing) The wheels on the bus go round and round! Round and round! Round and round! The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round! The wheels on the bus... The Bus Driver looks in the rearview mirror and sees the Demon flying toward them. What the? The Demon crashes through the back of the bus and tumbles to the front. His back smacks against the windshield and cracks the glass. Whump! As the children shriek, the Angel rushes into the bus. He pounces on the Demon and starts pummeling him like an angry hockey player. The Bus Driver yelps and covers her face. The kids squeal with excitement. A CHUBBY KID with bright orange hair jumps up from his seat and raises his arms into the air. CHUBBY KID Kick his arse! BUS DRIVER 74 Chubby Kid’s friend pulls him back down. The Demon grabs the Angel and thrusts him up toward the ceiling. EXT. 7TH AVENUE - SCHOOL BUS - DAY The Angel’s head pops up through the top of the bus. EXT. SKY - DAY He looks into the sky and watches the Demon make off with the Bus Driver. INT. 7TH AVENUE - SCHOOL BUS - DAY The school children pull the Angel down from the ceiling. ANGEL (rubs neck) Thanks. As the Angel is about to leave the Chubby Kid tugs on the back of his shirt. CHUBBY KID You’ll be back right? ANGEL Let’s hope so. The Angel leaves the bus. EXT. 7TH AVENUE - SCHOOL BUS - DAY The children run over to the windows to look, the Angel flying away in the reflection of the glass. EXT. ABOVE CITY – HIGHER – DAY The Bus Driver screams as she is flown high above the city in the tight grip of the Demon. The Angel rises up and appears from behind. The Demon’s eyes shift toward the right, not looking back, but aware of his presence. The Angel puts his fists forward and flies faster to catch up, but the Demon shoots like a bullet and disappears with the Bus Driver into a big white cloud. Poof! The Angel pauses under the cloud and looks up with apprehension. Then suddenly the Bus Driver drops out of the cloud, “Ahhhhh!” She passes by the Angel, like a sinking stone in water. 75 EXT. LEXINGTON AVENUE – DAY A brown Peterbilt truck barrels down the street and honks its horn. Honk! Honk! EXT. ABOVE CITY – LOWER - DAY Falling fast, the Bus Driver clasps her hands together and closes her eyes, she mumbles an impromptu prayer. BUS DRIVER Oh Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, please Jesus! Oh Jesus! Please save me, Jesus! EXT. LEXINGTON AVENUE – DAY The Bus Driver falls in front of the barreling Peterbilt truck -- but a second before she can be hit, the Angel swoops in and catches her. EXT. LEXINGTON AVNEUE – ROOFTOP - DAY With a swift arcing motion he takes her up to the safety of a rooftop. Then he quickly leaps up and away, back into the sky. The Bus Driver looks up and makes the sign the cross. EXT. ABOVE CITY – HIGHER - DAY The Angel flies toward the big white cloud. Fireballs spew from above, like God’s wrath on Sodom and Gomorrah. The Angel dodges the Demon’s attacks, gracefully spinning and rolling. He swats away at the small fireballs, which make tiny plumes of black smoke as they singe against his skin. The calm sky rumbles as the Demon roars with frustration. The Angel tucks back his wings and shoots into the cloud. Whumpf! The Angel and the Demon spill out at the opposite end. The two grab hold of each other and exchange blows as they plunge toward the ground. EXT. ABOVE CITY – LOWER – DAY The Demon wraps his claws around the Angel’s neck and squeezes tight. As the Angel’s face turns red, he cranes his head back and sees a large cross -- a cathedral. A sudden burst of energy, the Angel high kicks the Demon in the face. Whack! As the Demon cries out in pain the Angel does a roll onto his back, puts him into a kung-fu grip headlock and covers his eyes. 76 ANGEL Say uncle! The Demon gives a shrilled roar. The two dive down in a whirlwind of motion, heading straight toward the cathedral. EXT. CATHEDRAL – DAY A black and white cat passes in front of the cathedral. Its tail sashays back and forth. Reddish light shimmers off the glass of the building. INT. CATHEDRAL - DAY Through a circular stained glass window, the Angel and the Demon crash into the cathedral. They tumble onto the pews, throwing up splinters and pieces of wood into the air. The two jump to their feet. The Angel throws a wild punch across the Demon’s face. Whap! He goes in for a spinning back fist. The Demon catches his arm and tosses him into the altar table. The Angel stumbles to his feet. The Demon attacks with a breath of fire, an intense flame shoots out of his mouth like a WW2-M2. The Angel shields himself with his wings, only able to see his feathers; he is pushed back into a large silver tank of holy water. Suddenly the heat and flame die down. The Angel spreads out his wings to look. The Demon is in front, his arm pulled back ready to strike. The Angel quickly ducks down. The Demon’s claws swipe across the tank of holy water. Water gushes out and sprays. The Demon covers his face and staggers back, the water burning his skin like sulfuric acid. The Angel watches as the Demon bursts into flames. He cries a blood curdling scream, then the fire around his body suddenly extinguishes. The Demon remains still -- frozen as a black statue of ash. The Angel stares with intense curiosity. Whoa. ANGEL 77 EXT. CATHEDRAL – DAY The doors to the cathedral burst open as the Angel flies away. The Demon crumbles into a pile of dust and ash. His remains vanish into the floor. EXT. NEW YORK SKYLINE – DAY TO NIGHT We watch New York City as it rapidly changes from a bright clear day to a cloudy night, from the big blazing sun to the big blue moon. Suddenly a giant red beam of light shoots up into the sky. It touches against the clouds and washes the surrounding area with an alarming blood colored glow. EXT. SCARY GRAVEYARD – NIGHT BILLY and his girlfriend JILLY lie together on the ground, making out in front of a large boding tombstone. “Paul Zeininger 1951 – 1998” JILLY (giggling) Billy, stop tickling me. BILLY I’m not tickling you, Jilly. Jilly looks down by her feet and shrieks. Between the blades of grass is a tiny white mouse. JILLY Eek! A rat! Jilly pulls up her feet and squeezes her boyfriend. The frightened mouse scampers away. Billy strokes Jilly’s hair to calm her down. BILLY Calm down babe. I’ll protect yah. Billy kisses Jilly on the lips. They get right back into the moment. JILLY My knight in shining armour. The two continue smooching. Jilly starts giggling again. BILLY Another mouse? Billy looks down, there’s nothing there... Then all of a sudden a pair of hands pop out the ground! They grab Jilly by her long blonde hair. 78 Billy rolls off Jilly as she kicks her legs and screams like a mad woman, “Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!” He scrambles to his feet and runs away. JILLY Billy! Help me! BILLY (distant) I think we should see other people! JILLY You coward! One of the hands wraps around Jilly’s mouth, “Mmmph!” INT. CHURCH LIBRARY – NIGHT Father Fullerton is sitting by a table surrounded by a heap of books. He is reading, “Left Behind: A Novel of the Earth’s Last Days” Fullerton mumbles to himself as he scans the novel with his eyes. FULLERTON Brilliant. Brilliant. Just brilliant. The creaky old windows in the library tremble as the wind howls outside. When all seems reclusive, there is a knock at the door. Come in! No response. FULLERTON I said, come in! Just another knock. Fullerton puts down his book. He grumbles and walks to the door. FULLERTON Better not be Jehovah’s Witnesses. When Fullerton gets to the door he hears a faint moaning noise. He stops and puts his ear against the door. The noise gets louder. FULLERTON That can’t be Jehovah’s Witnesses... must be Mormons. FULLERTON 79 Suddenly a scaly rotten hand bursts through the door! Augh! Fullerton reels back. He scurries to the end of the library and hides behind a bookcase. He nervously squeezes the pendant around his neck, a strange hybrid symbol, a cross wedged between a V. FULLERTON Sweet mother of Jesus. A swarm of zombies break into the room. They groan as they shuffle their feet forward. Uuuuurgh... Fullerton spies between the books. FULLERTON The dead walking the earth -- it’s the bloody apocalypse! The zombies rummage through the room, getting closer and closer. As Fullerton carefully watches, a head pops through the bookshelf. Zombie Billy rotates his head 360 and grins at the Father. Fullerton whips out a .44 Magnum and shoots him in the head. Green blood splatters everywhere. FULLERTON (wipes forehead) God forgive me. Fullerton somersaults out onto the floor and blasts the zombies with his .44 -- Bang! Bang! Bang! FULLERTON Go back to hell where you came from you damn dirty zombies! They drop like flies on hot summer day. Fullerton squeezes the trigger of his .44, discovers he’s out of bullets. Click. Nothing. Click. Nothing. FULLERTON Sweet mother of Jesus! He throws his empty gun at an approaching zombie. Twack! It hits him square in the forehead. Fullerton retreats to the top of a tall bookcase. More zombies break into the library, through the windows and the door. They snarl and bark, blood dribbling down their chins. 80 The zombies surround Fullerton by the tall bookcase, pushing it back and forth, making it to sway. Various books fall to the floor, one of them including “The Zombie Survival Guide” by Max Brooks. Fullerton stands up on the tall bookcase and leaps onto the chandelier in front, only moments before it crashes to the floor -- baboom! The zombies swarm under the swaying chandelier and snap their jaws. Fullerton kicks his dangling feet. FULLERTON Get away from me you bastards! EXT. TIMES SQUARE – NIGHT A horde of zombies appear in Times Square. They stagger through, dragging their feet. INT. SUBWAY TRAIN – INSIDE - NIGHT A finely dressed ASIAN MAN is sitting down reading the Wall Street Journal, when all of sudden the subway train comes to a stop -- screeeee! The Asian Man’s body sways to the side. He gets up to investigate the delay in service, carrying alongside his copy of the WSJ. His steps echo along the floor as he walks with his cleanly polished wingtip shoes. ASIAN MAN (Cantonese) Stupid lazy transit workers. The Asian Man gets to the driver cab. He knocks boisterously on the door. ASIAN MAN What is going on in there?! The cab door swings open. A zombie dressed as the SUBWAY DRIVER turns his head and looks. SUBWAY DRIVER Laaast stop! The dead Subway Driver chuckles. The Asian Man stumbles back in shock. He pushes the door close and sprints over to the sliding doors. He puts his hands between the crack and pulls. The Asian Man grunts heavily, the doors barely budge. 81 ASIAN MAN (pulling) Come on baby! INT. SUBWAY TRAIN – OUTSIDE - NIGHT The doors open up -- but the Asian Man does not look relieved. INT. SUBWAY TRAIN – INSIDE - NIGHT Zombies grab the Asian Man outside and feast on his body like a pack of hyenas. One on each limb, one on the neck, and two on the torso. EXT. GROVE STREET – NIGHT Using their lowrider cars as a big barricade, a gang of Latino Thugs defend their territory against a pack of aggressive zombies. RINGO, the leader of the gang, pumps his shotgun. RINGO (shooting) Ay caramba! These things are everywhere man! Also shooting, CARLOS. CARLOS You know what it is? RINGO No que pasa. Tell me. CARLOS Day of the Dead! RINGO That’s crazy man, it’s more like -Ringo’s shotgun blast tears a zombie in half. RINGO Dawn of the Dead! The sky suddenly flashes white. Thunder claps, and the black clouds above release their rain. A storm has just begun... The Latino Thugs cover themselves up, each pulling a hood over their head. EXT. BRAN CASTLE – DAY The sky over Dracula’s castle is dark and gloomy. Complete overcast, it almost looks as if it were night. It is quiet on the outside, not a sound or sign of life. 82 But inside... INT. BRAN CASTLE – DAY Tourists are led around by a TOUR GUIDE dressed in silly bellboy-style clothing. No, he doesn’t have the stupid hat, but it’s still very ugly. A poor choice for apparel -- but no worse than the tourists who are dressed in Hawaiian t-shirts, shorts, and oversized “Jackie O” sunglasses. INT. SECRET PASSAGE – OUTSIDE - DAY The Tour Guide and his group stop by a bedraggled looking door. TOUR GUIDE (sounds like Vincent Price) Now we come to the most exciting part of the tour. A door? TOUR GUIDE That leads to Dracula’s secret passage! DAD TOURIST That don’t look so secret. TOUR GUIDE Well we moved the armoire. One of the tourists takes a picture. The flash from the camera dazes The Tour Guide. He rubs his eyes. KID TOURIST So can we go in or what? TOUR GUIDE Unfortunately, it’s off limits... The Tour Guide goes shifty-eyed. TOUR GUIDE For safety reasons. DAD TOURIST I paid to see scary stuff and I’m gonna see scary stuff! DAD TOURIST pushes the Tour Guide out of the way. DAD TOURIST Outta my way you foreigner! He opens the door and leads the group inside. KID TOURIST 83 INT. SECRET PASSAGE – INSIDE - DAY Dad Tourist and the others go down the steps. KID TOURIST Um, dad? Maybe we should stick to the official tour? DAD TOURIST Don’t be such a fraidy cat, son. What’s the worst that could happen? They get to another door at the bottom of the stairs. Dad Tourist tugs on the handle, but finds it stuck. DAD TOURIST Frickin’ thing’s stuck! He props his foot against the wall and pulls. The door opens. The tourists’ mouths go agape as a bright yellow light shines onto their faces. A mechanical tentacle whips out and grabs Kid Tourist by the ankle. He shrieks as it pulls him away. The group panic and run back, but the door atop is shut. They yell and scream, banging on the door in desperation. INT. SECRET PASSAGE - OUTSIDE – DAY The Tour Guide leans against the door to the secret passage. He smirks and bites into a granola bar, completely casual, even as there is a loud commotion of strange violent noises -- which sound very robotic. TOUR GUIDE (snickers) Tourists! So impetuous! The Tour Guide places a cap on his head, emblazoned with the red pentagram logo. EXT. STREET CORNER – NIGHT Raindrops pitter-patter against the glass of a phone booth. A hand drops two coins into the payphone’s coin slot. It picks up the phone receiver and dials a number. JOHNNY (OS) Hello? Police? I’d like to file a missing persons report. A DISPATCHER with a heavy Bostonian accent answers on the other line. DISPATCHER (VO) Name? Johnny gets distracted, looks out the phone booth. He sees a flaming shopping cart rolling down the street. 84 JOHNNY Uh, Cornelius and Danica McQueen. DISPATCHER (VO) Brother and sister, or cousins? JOHNNY Brother and sister. DISPATCHER (VO) And how long have they been missin’ for? JOHNNY A day? DISPATCHER (VO) How many hours? JOHNNY Um, twenty hours? DISPATCHER (VO) A person has to be missin’ for twenty-four hours ‘till we can conduct a search. But -JOHNNY DISPATCHER (VO) I’m sorry mista, but we have more pressin’ issues. CUTAWAY TO – POLICE STATION Dispatcher talking on phone and filing nails while police officers laze around back, either sleeping or eating. DISPATCHER We’re very busy here. RETURN TO SCENE JOHNNY Doing what? DISPATCHER (VO) Well there’s the issue of the zombies... JOHNNY (to self) Zombies? DISPATCHER (VO) And the giant robot -- and the giant red laser beam! 85 JOHNNY Did you say ‘giant red laser beam’? DISPATCHER (VO) Sure. Take a look outside your window. Johnny leans out into the rain and looks down the street. Not too far away: The Doomsday Machine is near full power. The wide beam of red light and mystical powers are at work, opening a portal to hell in the sky. Johnny shifts back inside the phone booth. Gotta go! JOHNNY He drops the receiver. Um -And dashes onto the street. Johnny transforms into the Angel. He spreads his wings and flies off into the sky. The Dispatcher’s still on the phone, confused. Hello? DISPATCHER (VO) DISPATCHER (VO) The lonely phone receiver swings back and forth like a pendulum. EXT. CONSERVATORY GARDEN – INSIDE – NIGHT In the now demolished, Conservatory Garden... The mechanisms of the Doomsday Machine are in full swing. The motor is spinning at a million RPM, and the red beam of light is creating a rift in the sky. Rotating around the machine, we see the sullen and half-conscious faces of the victims shackled to the five torture stakes of the pentagram: Mr. Hobo, Michael, Khalid, Cornelius, and Danica. The machine is sucking away at their life energy. The Angel descends from the sky. His feet land in a muddy patch beside, Danica. Danica! ANGEL 86 Danica is barely conscious. The Angel touches her face. She rolls her head and groans. ANGEL I’m gonna get you out of here. As the Angel reaches for Danica’s chains, Michael stirs and mumbles something. MICHAEL You have to stop the machine first. ANGEL (glances) What? The Angel grips Danica’s chains. A wave of energy travels to his body. The force sends him back, crashing through the tall wooden fence. The Angel gets up and shakes his head. He marches back toward the Doomsday Machine. Johnny! ANGEL (looks) Michael? MICHAEL You have to stop the machine! How?! Michael passes out. The Angel looks up into the sky at the widening portal of hell. An enormous yellow snakelike eye appears. It stares down and blinks. The Angel responds to it with a “one finger salute.” The eye widens with shock. The Angel charges at the Doomsday Machine. Time seems to slow down as his brain and body go into a deep adrenalin rush. He grabs the machine by one of the spinning tips and holds onto it with all his strength. He digs down his heels. The machine begins to decelerate. As the Angel breaks into a sweat, the Doomsday Machine finally stop turning. The gears grind and break down. Up above, the portal to hell is shrinking. ANGEL MICHAEL 87 ANGEL (looks up) I did it... The rain stops pouring. A familiar voice calls out to the Angel. It has a distinct Romanian accent; it sounds like it’s coming through a PA system. (NOTE: Subtitles will no longer be indicated by wryly. They are assumed.) VLAD (OS) You did nothing. The Angel spins around. Vlad is shelled inside a gargantuan fifty-foot MECHA. His menacing leer shows behind a protective cover of thick tinted bulletproof glass. Aw gee. ANGEL The Mecha swings out its arm and pounds down on the Angel. The Angel gets up and sways side to side like a squashed accordion in a Chuck Jones cartoon. The Mecha winds its torso and knocks the Angel out of the Conservatory Garden. INT. LITTLE GIRL’S BEDROOM - NIGHT In a condominium, a little girl is sleeping quietly in her bedroom with her teddy bear, when all of a sudden the Angel comes bursting through the wall. But the noise doesn’t wake her. She just lies there and snores. The Angel crawls along the floor and hides by the window in the corner. He stays low to the floor and tries to control his heavy breathing. A bright yellow light shines through the window. Vlad’s Mecha is peering inside the bedroom -- but as quickly as it came, it disappears. The Angel pushes aside the curtain by his head and peaks out, there’s nothing there. Then suddenly the room shakes. Whump! On the opposite end from the Angel, the Mecha is blocking the hole in the wall with its giant hand. 88 Out from its palm, comes a mechanical tentacle. It searches the room like a slithering snake, feeling, rummaging and groping. It makes its way over to the Angel. The Angel stares at the tentacle as it waves in his face, motioning like a King Cobra... But he remains quiet and slips away from detection. The tentacle begins to draw back -- right into the little girl’s bed. It lifts up the sheets and touches her face. Not finding anything, it slithers away. The Mecha leaves. Whew... ANGEL Then suddenly the tentacle bursts through the window! It wraps around the Angel and pulls him outside the condominium. EXT. MADISON AVENUE – NIGHT Standing on Madison Avenue, the Mecha’s tentacle squeezes the Angel like a boa constrictor. ANGEL You’ll never get away with this... You can never bring hell to earth... VLAD (VO) And why is that? ANGEL (smirks) Because, it’s already here. Out of nowhere an explosion hits the Mecha in its back. It turns around to face a small US army, a midsized collection of soldiers, several manned M1 Abrams tanks, and the lubricous general CUSTARD. CUSTARD Welcome to America, dirt bag! Custard signals his men. CUSTARD Fire! They fire with their M-16s, but the bullets bounce off the Mecha like BB pellets. The soldiers look surprised. VLAD (VO) (You vile insects!) Vlad marches forward with his Mecha. 89 CUSTARD Fire at will! The M1s aim their turrets and jump into action. The missiles and bullets jostle back the Mecha, but a black plume of smoke is created from the barrage, and it obfuscates the view of the soldiers. CUSTARD Cease fire! The men stop firing. They watch carefully and wait for the smoke to clear. General Custard puts on a pair of aviator sunglasses. He folds his arms and grinds his teeth with impatience. CUSTARD (low-voice) Come on out, you rat bastard... Standing ready to fight, two young soldiers whispering to each other, SOLDIER #1 and SOLDIER #2. Pssst! What? SOLDIER #1 Why don’t you go check it out? Soldier #2 hands Soldier #1 a grenade. SOLDIER #1 What’s this? SOLDIER #2 Do me a favour and shove that up your ass. SOLDIER #1 (to self) Some people just can’t take suggestions. The black smoke surrounding the Mecha starts to subside, but before it disappears, the Mecha steps out onto the asphalt and sets down its clunky foot. Looking at the Mecha, we notice that the Angel is missing. He has been exchanged for something else... A GATLING GUN VLAD (VO) (Now it is my turn!) The Gatling gun starts to spin. The soldiers run for cover behind the tanks. Vlad laughs hysterically as he fires off with his Mecha, like Rambo on steroids. SOLDIER #2 SOLDIER #1 90 Taka! Taka! Taka! Taka! Taka! Taka! Wounded soldiers moan as they desperately crawl along the ground. The Mecha picks one of them up and holds him by the collar. VLAD (VO) (Aw, look at the little soldier!) Vlad throws the soldier with his Mecha. He disappears into the horizon with a clear Wilhelm scream. EXT. MADISON AVENUE – BEHIND TANK – NIGHT Soldier #1 and Soldier #2 are huddled together, hiding behind an M1 Abrams tank. Soldier #2 looks underneath the tank, where he sees the walking feet of Vlad’s Mecha. SOLDIER #1 Still there? SOLDIER #2 (sarcastic) No, the guy who’s kicking our ass gave up and ran away. SOLDIER #1 So, he’s gone? Soldier #2 rolls his eyes. He looks underneath the tank again. The Mecha is still there. Frustrated, he bangs his fist on the back of the tank. SOLDIER #2 C’man! What’s going on in there?! Use those HEAT rounds goddamn it! INT. M1 ABRAMS TANK - NIGHT The four-man crew is dead. The front of the tank is full of holes. The Mecha’s bullets have penetrated the front plate armor. EXT. MADISON AVENUE – BEHIND TANK – NIGHT Soldier #1 and Soldier #2 whisper against the sound of Vlad’s approaching Mecha. SOLDIER #1 Man, I really need a cigarette. Soldier #1 takes out a cigarette. SOLDIER #2 I thought you quit? SOLDIER #1 I know smoking can kill you, but right now, malignant neoplasm, is not really my concern. 91 SOLDIER #2 ...What? The tank behind the two soldiers suddenly lifts up. They turn around. The Mecha is holding it above in the air with a single arm. VLAD (VO) Peek-a-boo! Soldier #1 drops his cigarette. He and Soldier #2 edge back as the Mecha walks toward them. General Custard and the other men watch, completely petrified. CUSTARD I really should do something! Custard gets up and runs. EXT. MADISON AVENUE – ALLEWAY – NIGHT He goes into an alleyway and hides in a garbage can. The garbage can shakes as Custard shrieks over the sound of an angry raccoon. EXT. MADISON AVENUE – NIGHT Back with, Soldier #1 and Soldier #2. The Mecha tosses the tank -- but it freezes midair. The soldiers open their eyes, wondering why they haven’t been squashed. The Angel has returned and he is holding up the tank. ANGEL Hey, Vlad. You dropped something. The Angel’s eyes flash white. He swings the tank around and throws it full force at the Mecha. INT. MADISON AVENUE – MECHA - NIGHT The M1 Abrams tank slams into the protective shield of the Mecha, causing it to crack. The force of the attack knocks Vlad to the floor. EXT. MADISON AVENUE – NIGHT The Angel pummels Vlad’s Mecha, bouncing back and forth like a ball in a pinball machine. Hit after hit, after hit. It’s an onslaught of rams, slams, fists, and feet. A complete blur. The Mecha sways back and falls down. Its enormous body sinks into the asphalt. 92 The Angel walks over to the Mecha’s head. He taps it with his foot to make sure it is dead. It makes a deep hollow sound, like when kicking an empty drum. Doonk. Doonk. The Angel climbs on top of the Mecha. He takes out a hip flask of holy water and takes a swig. He looks out to the staring soldiers. SOLDIER #1 Are you... are you an angel? ANGEL It doesn’t matter what I am. SOLDIER #2 You are going to help us, right? We see soldiers attending to other wounded soldiers. ANGEL (nods) I will be back with more help. So don’t you worry -- God is with you! The Angel jumps up and flies away into the sky. Soldier #1 and Soldier #2 salute. INT. MADISON AVENENUE - MECHA - NIGHT A pair of cables comes out from the ceiling and latch on to Vlad’s chest. They act as a defibrillator, pumping his body with a shock of needed electricity. Vlad’s eyes open. He is returned to consciousness. EXT. MIDNIGHT SKY – NIGHT With his head forward and his arms tucked by his side, the Angel is flying fast, going to get help -- when in the background, the Mecha appears. It speeds forward with its powerful thrusters, filling the background with a wash of cold gray steel. The Angel, in his rush, is completely unaware. The Mecha reaches out with its arms and grabs the Angel by his wings. It pulls in opposite directions as the Angel struggles to get free. ANGEL Hey! Let go! The Mecha rips off the Angel’s wings. The Angel drops down and goes into a freefall. 93 EXT. MIDNIGHT SKY – LOWER - NIGHT The Angel, still falling, “Yeeeee-aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! EXT. THROGS NECK – BRIDGE – NIGHT The Angel falls from the sky. He ricochets off the edge of the bridge. EXT. THROGS NECK – SHORE - NIGHT And lands on the dirty wet shore -- kerplak! Johnny lifts his head and spits out a clump of mud and grass, “Pleh!” In the background, Vlad’s Mecha is descending toward the ground, its thrusters blowing around dirt and water. Johnny looks behind his shoulder. The Mecha is running straight toward him. It punts him like a football -- pow! EXT. THROGS NECK – BRIDGE – NIGHT Johnny lands on the hood of an SUV crossing the bridge. The soccer mom drops her latte and screams. But instead of slamming on the breaks, she accelerates and swerves through traffic. JOHNNY Stop the car! The soccer mom stops the SUV. As the wheels lock, Johnny is thrown off the hood. He tumbles and rolls along the asphalt. He sits up and rubs his head. JOHNNY (sarcastic) Thank you! The SUV drives off. EXT. THROGS NECK – ON THE WATER - NIGHT Vlad’s Mecha is walking toward the bridge. EXT. THROGS NECK – BRIDGE - NIGHT Traffic slows down to a crawl as people stop their cars to look at the Mecha. A man on foot, a JOGGER, takes off his earphones and stares at it through the suspension cables. JOGGER What in the world? Johnny becomes frantic, running around, yelling and waving to the pedestrians and drivers. 94 JOHNNY (adlib) No! No! No! No! Stop staring! It’s not safe! You gotta get outta here people! It’s not safe! JOGGER Bro! Relax. Take a chill pill. The Jogger starts recording video of the Mecha with his cell-phone. JOGGER This is totally going on YouTube. The Mecha stands over the bridge. It swings its arm down and cracks it in half. Two slabs of reinforced concrete bend inward, creating a slide. Johnny falls, but he catches onto a jutting piece of rebar to keep from sliding into the water. Helpless without his wings, he watches in horror as people and cars plunge into the cold polluted river. He tilts his head back to the sound of spinning wheels. Above his head is an abandoned beige ’92 Mazda MPV minivan. It is caught on a vertex of asphalt and concrete. Then suddenly it dislodges. The MPV barrels down the crackled asphalt, its headlights shining. Johnny flinches and shuts his eyes. The bumper of the minivan smacks the top of his rebar and flips into the “drink.” EXT. THROGS NECK - UNDER WATER - NIGHT As the MPV sinks down, a group of scuba divers appear underwater. Dressed in dark wetsuits, printed with the “cross wedged between a V” logo, they aid the sunken victims, freeing them from their vehicles and giving them oxygen to breathe. EXT. THROGS NECK - BRIDGE - NIGHT As Johnny struggles to hang on to his rebar, the Mecha squirts napalm onto the surface of the water below and lights it on fire. VLAD (VO) (Feel the burn! Ah-ha-ha-ha!) Suddenly Johnny’s concrete slab weakens and falls into a vertical position. The gaseous flames below kick up and nip at his heels. The heat starts to melt the soles of his shoes. 95 JOHNNY Hot! Hot, hot, hot! Johnny pulls up his legs. As Vlad continues to laugh, a familiar British voice is heard off in the nearby distance. FULLERTON (OS) (through speaker) Pick on someone your own size! A robotic fist wallops Vlad’s Mecha across the face. The Mecha reels back from the blow. Johnny pulls his head back and looks up. On the opposite side of the bridge is Father Fullerton inside a mecha of his very own. Though, it’s nothing too special, just a self-aggrandizement of himself -- a FULLERTON BOT. (Okay!) Vlad’s Mecha extends a blade from its forearm. It swings across Fullerton Bot’s neck like a ninja sword and lops off its head. Fullerton Bot falls back and disappears into the water. JOHNNY Well... that woulda been a cool fight. All of a sudden, Johnny’s concrete slab gives way. It breaks off from the rest of the bridge and falls through the flames, disappearing into the river. Vlad leans forward with his Mecha. INT. THROGS NECK – MECHA - NIGHT He looks down between the gap in the bridge. The smoke rises from the fire and swerves around his protective shield. EXT. THROGS NECK – BRIDGE - NIGHT The Mecha takes out its Gatling gun. VLAD (VO) (Just to be safe.) And shoots a round of bullets into the water. The casings fall onto the asphalt of the bridge, making a rhythmic noise. Plink, plink. Plink, plink. MECH VLAD (VO) 96 The Mecha turns and faces away from the bridge. As it begins to walk away, it suddenly pauses. VLAD (VO) (thinking) (Something is not feeling right.) Vlad turns his Mecha around and stares at the bridge. Unbeknownst to him, Johnny is latched on to the lower back of the Mecha, his hands and feet carefully placed in the crevices. Seeing nothing, Vlad turns his Mecha around with a quick snapping motion, causing Johnny to lose grip. EXT. THROGS NECK – ON THE WATER - NIGHT Johnny hangs on with one hand as the Mecha wades through the water, headed back to land. Johnny regains his grip and continues climbing, when out from nowhere, an imp appears above. GOBBY, a green pug sized creature from hell, it looks like a cross between a demon and dwarf. Gobby the imp makes a curious chirping noise and look downs at Johnny. Johnny looks up, somewhat nervous. JOHNNY Oh... hello. Gobby flashes his fangs and gives a high pitch screech. It jumps off the Mecha and sails toward Johnny. Johnny swings out of the way. Gobby falls into the water, splash! Johnny glances down. JOHNNY I hope you can swim! He continues climbing. INT. THROGS NECK - MECHA – NIGHT Staring at a door of polished steal -- whip to the right! Johnny breaks through the wall beside. He enters the Mecha’s control room and searches with his eyes, but Vlad is nowhere to be found. Johnny steps forward and hears a heavy breathing noise. He stretches his neck back and looks up. Vlad jumps down from the ceiling, swinging with an axe. Johnny avoids the first attack, but Vlad is adamant, swinging the axe to and fro with an unsettling gusto. 97 Schwing! Schwing! Schwing! VLAD (Stop moving!) Vlad swings again. VLAD (You’re just making it harder on yourself!) And again, and again. Johnny avoids every attempt -- but Vlad gets one in with a deep cut to the leg. Johnny hobbles back with his blood spewing gash. He bumps back against the Mecha’s control console. Vlad holds his axe above his head, ready to kill. VLAD (Say your prayers!) JOHNNY Aw, can’t we discuss this like civilized gentlemen? Vlad swings his axe down. Johnny, barely, moves out of the way. The blade smashes through a glass box and hits a big red button. Red lights begin to blare as a siren sounds. A MONTONOUS voice comes over the PA system. A countdown timer flashes in the background: 30 SEC. MONOTONOUS (VO) Self-destruct activated. Thirty seconds until explosion. JOHNNY What kinda maniac creates a self-destruct button?! VLAD It’s a bad guy thing. Vlad backhands Johnny and pulls his axe out of the control console. He swings it across and slices Johnny in the chest. Vlad kicks Johnny to the floor and steps on top of him. He digs his heel into Johnny’s wound as he cringes with pain, “Ugh!” VLAD Any last words? Johnny spits up some blood. 98 VLAD (Okay, it is your choice!) Vlad pulls back his axe to wind up for another attack, but when he swings it down -- the head is missing from the hilt. He glances back, sees the axe head on the floor. He spins around the axe handle and looks at the bottom. There is white sticker with black lettering. “Made in the USA” (Crap.) VLAD Johnny breathes out, “Whew.” Vlad shrugs. VLAD (Oh well, can’t always be fancy.) And takes out a Luger P08. He charges the pistol, pulling back on the toggle joint. He puts Johnny into his sight, aiming for his head. As he looks along the barrel, Gobby the imp suddenly jumps into view. He leaps forward with a howl and latches onto Vlad’s face, wildly scratching and biting. Vlad screams. He spins and turns, trying to get Gobby away from his face. Johnny looks at the countdown timer, his eyes widen with shock. Aw gee. There are only five seconds left ‘till self-destruction. MONOTONOUS Five seconds left ‘till explosion. Five, four, three, two... EXT. THROGS NECK – MECHA – NIGHT Johnny leaps outside. Geroni -Before he can finish his sentence, the Mecha explodes midway through his descent. Kaboom! The shock-wave ripples through the air, and the force tosses him away like a rag doll. JOHNNY JOHNNY 99 EXT. THROGS NECK – SHORE - NIGHT Johnny lands in an olive tree by the shore. The bangs and flashes continue as Johnny groans and rolls down to the ground. He lifts his head and watches the remainders of the Mecha slowly sink into the river. Bubbles blow up from the water as an arm slowly submerges. It clenches its fingers into a fist. Johnny flips onto his back. Exhausted and injured, he spreads out his arms and closes his eyes. As he lets out a sigh of relief, a hunk of metal lands by his head. Thunk! EXT. STREETS OF NEW YORK – DAY A warm afternoon, a bright cloudless sky... Life has returned to normal. The city is back to its usual hustle-and-bustle-self, brimming with energy and life. People walking. People talking. Tourists taking pictures. Hotdog vendors selling. Moms pushing strollers. Kids riding their bikes and trikes. Cabbies picking up passengers. Bums begging for change. Hookers looking for customers. Cops eating donuts. It’s all there! EXT. STREETS OF NEW YORK – NEWSSTAND - DAY A hand reaches for a folded copy of the “New York Post.” The newsstand OWNER clears his throat and announces the price. OWNER (OS) That’ll be a quarter, please. Khalid hands the Owner a quarter and takes his paper. He unfolds it and saunters down the sidewalk. EXT. STREETS OF NEW YORK – SIDEWALK - DAY As Khalid is reading, he accidentally bumps into Mr. Hobo. The newspaper falls to the ground. The two bend over and meet eyes, but do not recognize each other from the Doomsday Machine incident. MR. HOBO Oh! I’m so sorry! KHALID No, no. It’s my fault... MR. HOBO I’ll pick it up. 100 Mr. Hobo bends over and looks at the front page. CLOSE-UP – NEW YORK POST with a photograph of two fishermen in overalls holding up a piece of the Mecha attached to a fishing line. The headline screams, “Fishermen Find Alien Artifact!” Mr. Hobo hands the paper to Khalid. KHALID Thanks. The two nod to each other and go their separate ways. Khalid glances back. Mr. Hobo is gone. EXT. CHURCH - DAY The front doors to the church swing open. Cornelius and Danica exit onto the pavement with a flock of other people. DANICA So... what did you think? I dunno. CORNELIUS Cornelius bends down to tie his shoelaces. CORNELIUS It was interesting. I kinda liked that Jesus fella. (finishes) He stands up and feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around. Father Fullerton is standing behind him, holding a small square envelope. CORNELIUS Oh! Hello, Father. How are you? FULLERTON Cornelius. Have you seen, Johnny? CORNELIUS Uh, not recently -- he’s always busy for some reason. FULLERTON Could you give him something for me? Sure. Fullerton smiles and hands Cornelius the square envelope. FULLERTON Don’t open it! CORNELIUS 101 Cornelius nods. Fullerton goes away. DANICA I hope you’re not gonna open it. Cornelius has already torn open the envelope. Danica folds her arms and rolls her eyes, “Ugh.” Cornelius takes out a piece of decorative cardstock with a small metallic trinket stuck in the middle. CLOSE-UP – VATICAN BRIGADE LAPEL PIN a silver lapel pin in the shape of the Vatican Brigade’s logo, a “cross wedged between a V”. It is pinned to the cardstock, sitting over bold letters which read, “Welcome to the Vatican Bridge”. MATCH CUT TO: EXT. VATICAN CITY - DAY The Vatican Brigade lapel pin is pressed against a white background -- a shirt as it is revealed, being worn by the Angel, whom is hanging on top of the Vatican obelisk. The Angel’s eyes flash a brilliant white. He leaps into the air and flies away. FADE OUT. EXT. CEMETERY - DAY - AFTER CREDITS Johnny kneels down and places a rose on Grandmother Mildred’s grave. He gets up and slowly walks away, the wind blowing through his hair. THE END