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					The Internet Sucks, Discuss

       Dean Pemberton
          Brief Introductions
• Stalling for time =)
      What is this talk about?
• Not a Technical Talk (but might have
  some technical content)
• Opinion Piece. Meant to make you think
  about things. Because I have been
• Low proof =)
• I’m not Chicken Little. The sky is not
• Not a powerpoint, poweruser tutorial =)
             Exec Summary
•   Does it Suck?
•   How it Sucks.
•   Why it Sucks
•   Is it worth fixing?
•   How would we fix it?
             Exec Summary
•   Does it Suck?
•   How it Sucks.
•   Why it Sucks
•   Is it worth fixing?
•   How would we fix it?
             Does it Suck?
• Different things to different people
• N00b vs hax0r
• Sam and I are l33t
• In the first few hours in Hamilton we had…
  – Taken 8megapixel digital photos of landmarks
  – Used a GPS to track our way to the University
  – Connected to ‘the net’ from at least 4 different
    devices, over at least 3 different mediums
  – Eaten Curry
  – WarDriving =)
     Other people, not so l33t
• But that’s ok.
• My Mum
• My Nana (who phones my Mum and they
  read email together)
• My 8yo Nephew-in-ex-law (getting pretty
  l33t though)
• Other people… Lots of them!
      More l33t, more Suck?
• Appliance vs Lego set
• L33t see the internet as something to build
• Less l33t see it as nothing more than a
  toaster. Something to do a job.
• Both are ok.
   Maybe Suck just means….
• Different
• Changing
• I’m a whinger (also ok)
      Maybe it doesn’t Suck
• Are the new users finding it ok?
• Maybe they just don’t know what to expect
      Microsoft NT Syndrome
• “My computer crashed… They do that,
  computers suck”
• They don’t suck, Bill Gates Sucks. There
  is a difference
• “My pr0n is downloading slow, The
  Internet sucks. It just does that, it was a
  stupid idea”
• Well no. It doesn’t have to.
• I don’t want people to just assume it does
     But there are problems…
• There are real problems out there that
  need to be looked at.
• Which brings me to……
How it Sucks
•   Question slides are used for
•   Your questions…
•   Me to say things at the end of a section
•   To use up time and to make the
    powerpoint longer and use up more
    bandwidth on the backbone =)
             Exec Summary
•   Does it Suck?
•   How it Sucks.
•   Why it Sucks
•   Is it worth fixing?
•   How would we fix it?
             How it Sucks.
• Two types of Suckage
  – One suck per person
  – Multi-suck-o-rama

• In English….
  – Linear growth of Suck with Internet Population
  – Non-Linear Suck growth with Internet
Growth of people on the Internet
• As far as I know growth is still >>Linear
• So this makes the problem worse
      Linear on Exponential
• Dean draws graph on whiteboard
    Exponential on Exponential
• Dean draws an even scarier graph
 Examples of Linear Suckage.
• Each new person brings the suck with
         Cluestick anyone?
• People don’t know how to use the internet
• This might be a little non-PC
• I don’t care =)
• It’s too easy to do dumb stuff
• McDonalds
  You want that divx? I’ll mail it to
• Example of wrong tool for the job.
• Not obvious from a n00b point of view that
  this is the wrong thing to do.
• You need the l33t skilz to remember that
  there were better ways to do this
Oh that’s ok, Outlook can handle it
• Even sending the smallest email can be a
• HTML email blows things out to larger file
• Most of the time the person getting the
  email can’t see the pretty background
• Did I mention AAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!
  I have that divx embedded in a .doc file.
       That won’t be a problem will it?

• AAAAAARRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! (can you
  see a theme here?)
• Even the smallest word file adds so much
Why do I care about overhead?
• Look at CPU’s
• Whenever there is a new game/OS, you
  need a new one
• (Not with Linux =P )
• That’s ok when they only cost a few
  hundred dollars
• It’s not ok when you want to upgrade form
  an oc-48 to oc-192 backbone.
     Overhead adds Suckage
• If you are adding overhead to the network,
  for no good reason then you’re being a
        Dubya, dubya, dubya
•   Oh my god
•   FUME
•   HATE
•   www. Used to make sense
•   Sorta
•   But it doesn’t now.
•   Personal crusade
 More == Better, faster… right?
• More ip addresses can cause you to get
  more Suckage
• Give example
 Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics
• Where is Hamilton?
• South of Te Kuiti right?
                TXT spek
•   This is a bit of a stretch.
•   But I know people who care.
•   They are strange =)
•   They prefer 'eccentric‘
•   It could erode English
•   It escaped SMS to ICQ etc. Whats next?
More people == More problems
• I’m not blaming people.
• The more people you add to something
  the more that thing will reflect the people
  you add.
      I remember the days….
• In the early days the internet was primarily
  Academic and Research people.
• It looked like a large University/Research
• D’uh!
• It doesn’t now.
• I’m about to make fun of certain members
  of the internet community
• Are there any of the following groups in
  the room?
Marketing people
Script Kiddies
Pedophiles =)
      New People new things
• More on this later. But different people ==
  different internet.
• Stuff that sucks more than it should, at a
  rate faster than it should.
• This Sucks!
• You can do a little bit about it – but it still
• And the bounces
• I blame Marketing
    “Hello, Someone is using my
• Low speed link example
              DOS, dDOS
• Kinda Linear – but kinda not
• So more like ….. Bent
• Linear in terms of victims, but you can
  launch more than one at a time
•   Innocent people
•   Software upgrades
•   What are they?
•   I don’t need to do that for my toaster!
• Large pipe -> small pipe
• NZ more at risk than US
• Reminder to talk about some stuff
• All it takes is for one person to make a
  comment on IRC about someone elses GF
  and I start getting paged
*Surly Face*
• There is a new one
• I know nothing about it
• This is the cue for someone else to put up
  their hand and explain it.
     How to 0wn the internet in your
              spare time
•   Warhol worms
•   Flash worms
•   Precomputed lists of vulnerable hosts
•   Race between worms and virus checkers
•   What you can do with an army of machines.
              Nice Quote
• Internet Quarantine: Requirements for
  Containing Self-Propagating Code
• David Moore, Colleen Shannon
• Above 60 probes a sec, containment to
  10% of the internet within 24 hours is
  impossible with instantaneous detection.
              Shim Worm
• Exploit du jour
                     Sapphire Worm
•   The Sapphire Worm was the fastest computer worm in history. As it began
    spreading throughout the Internet, it doubled in size every 8.5 seconds. It
    infected more than 90 percent of vulnerable hosts within 10 minutes.
•   "At its peak, achieved approximately 3 minutes after it was released,
    Sapphire scanned the net at over 55 million IP addresses per second."
Reminder: talk about the death of
          the internet
       Linear vs Non-Linear
• Remember them?
• Different ways to handle them
• One person brings a little bit of the
  Suckage with them when they join the
• Just train them not to.
• Linear == Education
• Big Stick
• I don’t know that we know how to solve
  this yet.
             Exec Summary
•   Does it Suck?
•   How it Sucks.
•   Why it Sucks
•   Is it worth fixing?
•   How would we fix it?
   Why does the internet suck
• Because we let people on it.
• Less Users, Less problem.
          Seriously though
• You are what you eat
• More people from More aspects of Real
  Life == More Real Life problems on the
So why doesn’t Real Life Suck?
• It doesn’t?
• Well no I spose it doesn’t
• It’s because there are checks and
       Where are the checks and
•   Dunno.
•   Discuss….
•   Etiquette
•   Accountability
•   Anonymity
       Web of accountability
• You're not just *noob69*, you're also
  n00b, who is idiot's brother, and so and
  so's grandchild, and dumbass used to
  baby sit you when you were a kid.
• Eg – The Geek community in NZ is small
  enough to have it’s own web. Works ok at
       Privacy vs Anonymity
• You need to have privacy to stop dDos
  when you abuse someones GF/BF
• But you need to be public enough to make
  you accountable.
• Unless you are part of a community.
• Have to think more about this.
           Other things
• Police?
• Governance?
             Exec Summary
•   Does it Suck?
•   How it Sucks.
•   Why it Sucks
•   Is it worth fixing?
•   How would we fix it?
          Is it worth fixing?
• Lets remember that it doesn’t “Suck” for
• Some people find it ok
• These people will be the majority of the
What did we want the internet for?
Are the Elves leaving Middle earth
• Sorry for the blatant LoTR reference
• I’m from Wellington.
• But lets look at it a little bit
             Exec Summary
•   Does it Suck?
•   How it Sucks.
•   Why it Sucks
•   Is it worth fixing?
•   How would we fix it?
          How can we fix it
• Buggered if I know =)
• More questions that answers
• That’s ok
• I think the Linear vs Non-Linear thing was
• It’s in Geoff’s talk anyway =)
           Mirror Real Life
• How much freedom did you really want to
        Something Different
• Talk to me

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