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					         The San Diego Barbie Collection

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition
Barbie dolls for the San Diego California market.

La Costa Barbie
Princess Barbie is only sold at the brand new La Costa
Forum. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade
handbags, a Lexus SUV, and a longhaired dog named
Honey. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.
Optional Tennis Ken, complete with balls, available for a
handsome price.


Rancho Bernardo Barbie & Ken
Modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with hatchback
SUV (moon roof optional) and matching shopping outfit.
She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or
secondary education. Set of traffic-jamming cell phones
included. (Headsets sold separately). We think Ken has a
job, but we’re not sure.

Oceanside Barbie
This babe is hot. She works at Main Attraction to help
make rent, as she cohabitates with her hot bi-sexual lover,
Tracy (pictured at far right). Available only in set. Sexual
accessories available with presentation of appropriate ID.

Escondido Barbie
Recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a
desert/river ready lifted truck with dark tinted windows and
oversized tires (600 W subwoofer sold separately). Barbie
drug money available separately as well. This model and
accessories are available only after dark and can only be
paid for in cash, preferably in small, untraceable bills. If
this Barbie appears a little tweaked out, it’s because she is.

Del Mar Barbie
Yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible
(shown) or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks
cup, credit card, and country club membership. Options
available with this set are Shallow Ken and Private School
Skipper with glazed eyed neo-nazi persona. You won't be
able to afford any of them.
                                                            2

Santee/Lakeside Barbie
Pale model comes dressed in her own tacky Wrangler Jean
shorts, (two sizes too small), a NASCAR jacket (with
nothing underneath), and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her
shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank
Williams Jr. CD set (Coors light emblem sold separately).
She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass
when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately
and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

La Jolla Barbie & Ken
Collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print
blouse with $600 St. Johns matching slacks (matching Ken
and Barbie set sold separately). She leaves Ken to drink
cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the beach
house or basking in the sun in her $450 high-end designer
bathing suit. Percocet prescription also available (sold
separately).


   “High on Percocet” LaJolla
   Barbie, pictured at right,
   also available.

La Mesa Barbie
Tobacco-chewing, dyed blonde Barbie has a pair of her
own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the
time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Lemon Grove
Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-
washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-
top. Also available with a mobile home (purchased
separately).

Leucadia Barbie
Doll is fashioned from actual tofu. She has short straight
hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, scant makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She can be found naked on
the beach, seeking the “natural” feeling. When in this state,
she prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or
need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Leucadia Barbie's
and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a coupon for a free
wheat-grass smoothie at any Whole Food's Market.
                                                               3
National City Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll.
Optional accessories include a GED and bus & trolley
pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but
are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.


Poway Barbie (a.k.a Stepford Barbie)
She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is
because he's always away working and probably stuck
somewhere on the I-15 (north or southbound; it doesn’t
matter anymore). More provocative Poway Barbie (shown
at far right) also available, complete with Poway Barbie hot
tub (for those hot Poway nights).

Chula Vista Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984
Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby
Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional
Ken doll comes with a pick up truck loaded 10 feet high
with mattresses. Green cards are not available for Chula
Vista Barbie or Ken.

Hillcrest Barbie/Ken/Roger/Ron, etc. etc.
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to
Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on"
parts. This Barbie is very tolerant of Ken’s bisexual life
style, often joining in on the fun.
Pictured to the right are Ken with Roger, and the recently
introduced Matt and cross-bearing Ron (anatomically
accurate), and the recently added Transgender Barbie
(we’re told that Transgender Barbie is also anatomically
accurate, but we are not sure what this means ???? ).
Bonus: free rainbow flag with proof of purchase sticker
along with valuable discount coupons to all "F" street
bookstores.
North Island Naval Barbie
This Barbie lives a regimented lifestyle during the week.
But come the weekend, she can really let her hair down
(pictured at far right). She comes equipped with her
optional lesbian lover, Daniel (also pictured at the far right).
(Lesbian lover Daniel and lesbian play set each sold
separately).
                                                               4

Camp Pendleton Barbie
This Marine Layer is the hottest new edition to the SD
Barbie Collection. Once she marries soldier Ken, watch
her double in size, become sedentary, and stay that way
for the rest of her Big Barbie life (pictured at far right).
Comes with an extra set of fatigues (in XXX large).


Big Bear Barbie
Available only on the weekends, this Barbie comes fully
equipped with all ski accessories for the slopes. Ski lodge
sexual fantasy outfit is sold separately, but includes
mandatory birth control pills (both pictured at far right).
Rancho Bernardo or Poway Ken may be interchanged as
Big Bear Barbie’s weekend lover, as each can utilize the
excuse that they are out of town for a business trip on the
weekend to promote their affair with Big Bear Barbie.


Mira Mesa Barbie
This Asian Barbie is shorter and more petite than other
Barbies. She comes with lavender colored nails and owns
her own nail salon (sold separately). Nail polish
accessories also sold separately.



San Ysidro Barbie
This year introduces a new line of Hispanic Barbies; this is
Donia Maria Barbie. She resides in the guest house of any
Del Mar Barbie. She is very skilled on taking care of Ken
and Barbie’s offspring. Tortilla maker accessory (pictured


                                                                   
at right) sold separately. Authentic green card is not
included, though counterfeit can be obtained for 50 bucks          Green Card xxxxx

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at the local meat market or roadside vegetable stand.              xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx




El Cajon Barbie
Check out the “strung out on meth look”. This Barbie lives
in her very own trailer (sold separately) and hustles herself
for drug money (shown in police line-up after arrest at far
right).
                                                              5


Gaslamp Barbie
This new edition hangs out near the tattoo parlors in the
Gaslamp District. Tattoo kit sold separately. If desirable,
you can pretend she is in to bondage (whips, bondage
rope, masks and gag rope all sold separately,
shown at right).



Downtown SD Homeless Barbie
This Barbie comes with her own shopping cart, full of
scavenged items (all sold separately). Father Joe’s shelter
also available (donations accepted).

Julian Bed & Breakfast Barbie and Ken
Ken really likes this arrangement, as he and Barbie finally
get away for the weekend. Here, Ken gets reacquainted
with the sensation of warm apple pie, without evening
having to buy one.

Alpine Barbie and Ken
This Barbie and Ken pair are campy and industrious.
Comes with replica of homemade hot tub, welded by Ken
from junkyard galvanized steel scrap. Comes only in
Avacodo green as Ken used paint leftover from painting the
kitchen thirty years ago. Accessories include the Alpine
Barbie and Ken home (sold separately for a reasonable
price). Additional accessories include gas masks for those
days when the air quality if exceptionally poor.


Match.com Internet San Diego Barbie
This newest addition to the Barbie clan comes equipped
with her own web cam and one year subscription to
match.com, the popular internet dating service. She
describes herself as affluent, though most of her listed
income is generated from alimony. The picture that Barbie
has posted (pictured at right) is 10 years old. The actual
Barbie is much larger than this, which you learn upon
receipt (available by mail order only). Her on-line profile
frequently employs the use of the word “princess” and she
seeks a Ken with a minimum income of $150,000+.
Children sold separately (we’re not sure how many there
really are) and are available on a 60/40 time share only.
                                                           6
Carmel Valley Barbie
This new addition to our set wanted to be a Del Mar Barbie,
but lacked the financial resources; she thus became a
member of the rapidly expanding (and overcrowded)
Carmel Valley Barbie clan. This Barbie comes equipped
with her twins (Lauren and Ashley) in their dual stroller;
Barbie is often seen aggressively pushing her twins up
inclines in an effort to regain her "pre-baby" figure.
Accessories include: the brand new I-5 highway kit,
complete with the 805 I-5 northbound merge expansion set
[which is where Barbie can usually be found, sitting in her
oversized gas-guzzling SUV (sold separately), having
waited too long to leave the UTC shopping center on her
daily shopping spree]. Other accessories include the new
line of box-like track housing kits, each complete with 10
small palms trees (selling price will be roughly four times
their actual value). The house comes equipped with
nothing; plumbing and electrical wiring provided as options.
Garage sold separately for storage of worthless items that
Barbie has not used for years. NOTE: This Barbie can only
be purchased with a heavily taxed charge card; cash is not
accepted.

				
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