The Guest List: Your First Step in Planning a Fabulous Wedding by Trixie DiFrancesco
Before you even think about trying on gowns or making your guest list, do your homework and gather your tools. There are many wedding software programs and planning tools available to help you keep track of invited guests, attendants, and a database of their addresses. A good wedding planning software package should also outline and track your budget, organize your wedding checklist, keep track of gifts and thank you notes sent, chart important dates, and help you with many other details. A wedding program is definitely something to invest in and will save you much time, money and energy in the long run. For those of you who are not computer savvy or just prefer the scent of ink on paper, a notebook with sections, a recipe box with index cards and dividers, a calendar or day planner, several folders, and tote bag or briefcase just for wedding planning will serve the same purpose. The key is to be organized whatever your style is. Next, have a heart-to-heart talk with your fiancé and discuss what each of your expectations are for the big day. Do you envision something intimate and simple or all-out and elaborate? Would he love a Caribbean island wedding or do you have your heart set on a big home-town event? Communication will be key to a happy and successful marriage so you might as well start with good communication before you are married. Discussing the wedding expectations early will make the process of planning the wedding as well as the wedding day experience itself less stressful for both of you. Armed with heavy artillery, now it is time to make your guest list. This can be a daunting task, but the guest list is the crucial first step in determining your wedding budget. You may need to sit down with your betrothed, parents and/or step-parents, and other significant people in both your lives. Be open to putting your father-in-law's second cousin twice removed, small children, and your fiancé’s college roommate on the list. Don't forget friends and co-workers, and also include a guest for each single person invited over the age of 18. Think of this first draft of your guest list as a brainstorming session or master list that will be cut, edited, and even slashed as needed (with the proper sensitivity given to all involved of course). Now that you have your master guest list in hand, you will most likely need to edit it and maybe even cut some people from the list. This is the time to consider and evaluate the wedding theme, location, and style decided by you and your fiancé. A list of 400 guests might not be a good idea if you both decided on a beachside gazebo wedding in the Cayman Islands. When editing your guest list, remember to be fair. If you have invited all of your adult first cousins and their spouses, it is only fair and proper to invite those of your husband-to-be. It might help you to break down your master list into categories of people: (CONTINUED)
the bridal party relatives you must invite close friends and co-workers you must invite relatives you would like to invite friends and co-workers you would like to invite people unknown to you but are requested by your parents or in-laws distant relatives people who are merely acquaintances
Feel free to add to or change these categories to fit your own personal circumstances. Don’t randomly set a final number just yet. Consider the categories above and come to a compromise or a consensus. This may be easier said than done. If the discussion gets heated, consider allowing all involved to invite a set number of “freebies.” If you didn’t really plan on inviting your future father-in-laws golf buddies or your fiancé’s softball teammates, they can be invited under the category of the six (or whatever number you designate) “freebies.” Now you are ready to tally a good solid number. Count up your guests but remember to be flexible and fair. Sometimes you need to make some tough decisions and cut people depending on your venue or budget. If inviting all adult second cousins for both you and your fiancé pushes your number much higher than you can manage, then you will need to cut all of the second cousins from the list. You can adjust the list up until the time the invitations are mailed. If you forgot to invite your sibling’s mother and father-in-law three weeks before the invitations are mailed, check your ceremony and reception seating capacity and feel free to invite them as well. The guest list will determine the amount of plates or buffet service at the reception, invitations ordered, favors needed, size and seating needed for ceremony and reception venues, and will affect most aspects of the wedding. Don't let the guest list be confused with the number of responses or confirmed number of guests that will actually attend the wedding. That will be determined by the invitation response cards returned to you at a much later date. Until then you can estimate the number of wedding guests. As a general rule, 20%-30% of invited guests will be unable to attend. This number may be higher if you are having a destination wedding or if a large number of your friends and family live out-of-town. Though it is unlikely, it is very important to be prepared logistically and financially for 90% of your invited guests to attend. Most reception halls and caterers will require an exact head count (including the bride and groom) of all guests and wedding attendants usually one week to three days before your wedding day. By that date you should have received all of your invitation response cards and called to confirm those invited guests who did not mail you their responses back by the date requested. When all is said and done, remember this. You want to share and celebrate the joy of your wedding day with people who love and support you and your future husband. Occasionally you may have to invite someone out of obligation, but this should be only a few exceptions, not the rule. People are sensitive about weddings and feelings will be hurt if the bride’s sister is permitted to bring her young children but the groom’s brother is not. Use common sense and good judgment; keep your budget in mind and above all go with your heart.