Dealing With Difficult People Conflict Resolution Workshop
Have you met this person?
By show of hands, indicate the positions you currently hold in AYSO.
AYSO Positions
• • • • • • Regional Commissioners Regional Coach Administrator Regional Referee Administrator Board Member Area Director or Area Staff Other
This course is designed for the AYSO volunteer with some experience and concentrates on giving you the tools to deal with challenging situations and difficult people in AYSO.
What are the factors that make people difficult?
True or False:
Most people don’t consider themselves difficult.
Difficult People Take five minutes in each of your groups to brainstorm one or two examples of situations in each of the following categories:
What makes people difficult?
• Person wants something you can’t give them • Person wants something you won’t give them • Person refusing to listen • Person is taking up the problem with the wrong individual • Person is making threats, is disruptive & abusive • Person has done something that violates AYSO governing rules or is otherwise illegal
Person wants something you can’t give them
• • • • • Parents want their two sons ages 10 and 14 on the same team Parent demands that child be able to play with newly pierced earrings Parent demands that child be registered to play without showing birth certificate Parent wants to coach but refuses to provide the Social Security Number on the volunteer registration form Referee will not let a player on field with new baseball cleats
Person wants something you won’t give them
• • Coach who wants to keep the entire team together the next season Player demands a full refund during second week of season; Coach wants two assistant coaches, whose children have been on his team for the last two years. The assistant coaches rarely show up for practices.
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Person refusing to listen
• • Coach will not stay in technical area in spite of referee requests Volunteer demands expense refund from National President for missing NAGM vote Parent runs up and down the sideline scream at his child, even though the referee has asked him to stop.
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Person is taking up the problem with the wrong individual
• • Coach calls the AD because he/she is not happy with referee at last game Parent calls NSTC for daughter’s team assignment Parent complains to referee about her son’s coach Parent calls RC to find out child’s game time Parent demands refund from NSTC
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Person making threats is disruptive and/or abusive
• • • Referee tells player to get out of her face or she will kick his butt Parent challenges referee to meet in parking lot after the game Player tells another player, If you do that again, I will be sure to hurt you U-8 parent threatens to punch a referee due to call at game Coach instructs his player to take out opposing goal keeper Coach instructs goal keeper to let in goal for more advantageous seeding in tournament;
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Person has done something that violates AYSO governing rules or is otherwise illegal
• Pre-signed checks • CVPA reviewed interesting arrest stories from some volunteer applications • Coach added new player without a signed registration form • Concession stand director takes cash box home every Saturday to buy supplies for following week • RC appoints wife to be treasurer
Person has done something that violates AYSO governing rules or is otherwise illegal….. More
• • • • • • • • • Board members pick own team at player distribution Parent refuses to stop smoking on touchline RC refuses to stop chewing tobacco at AYSO event Spectator refuses to observe Kid Zone agreement on field Coach gave a beer to a U-19 player Coach tells player to remove cast before arriving at field Coach leaves with player to not have to wait for parent Female coach takes U-19 boys team to out of state tournament without appropriate male supervision Registrar accepts player registration form without birth certificate
Now let’s talk about ways to proactively deal with difficult people. The easiest way to deal with difficult situations is to prevent them.
Let’s discuss developing and using preventative tools. Using these tools can prevent most of the difficulties encountered by the regional board members.
What are some communication tools that could prevent difficult situations?
• Parent Handbooks (Parent Contract – something they have to sign) • Available from NSTC – ABCs of AYSO • Examples of Parent Handbooks are on aysoshare.org • Training and certification (Coaches, Referees, Staff)
• Training to the level of play is critical for coaches and referees • All regional board members should be trained • Kids Zone
Answers…..
• Newsletters / web sites / other forms of in-season communication
• Shorts • Goal Line In Play Soccer.org
Have you met these people?
Any others besides these?
• Mr. Combative Personality • Mrs. Unrealistic Expectations • The Chronic Malcontent • The Eternal Victims
• The Special Favor Person
Use theses Basic Communication Skills to Defuse the Conflict
– Maintain or Enhance their Self-Esteem – Listen and Respond with Empathy – Get Them Involved – Make Procedural Suggestions – Turn Conflict into Partner of Solution
Do’s Of Resolving Conflict
• Use Key Communication Principles - Face to Face, Telephone, Email, Etc. • Be Positive and Patient • Focus on the Problem, NOT the Person • Keep an Open Mind • Seek the Other Person’s Ideas and Point of View • Explore All Alternatives for Resolving the Conflict • Try to Understand the Other Person’s Point of View • End on a Positive Note
Don’ts Of Resolving Conflict
• Prejudge People • Assume that You Have All of the Facts • Focus on the Other Person’s Attitude, Personality, or Presumed Motive • Meet Practical Needs at the Expense of Personal Needs • React Immediately on an Emotional High • React - Respond • Take it Personally • Cut the Other Person Off • Disrespect the Other Person • Raise Your Voice
Conclusion
• Maintain or enhance self-esteem • Listen and respond with empathy • Ask for their help • Encourage their involvement • Make it a win/win for both sides
Remember to attend the “Advanced Management Workshop” that will deal with due process.