7:00 a.m. comes really early out on the farm. Only a few hours earlier, the last of the parents from our adventure in baby-sitting had picked up. At one point I think there were about 12 kids, ages 1 - 14, three or four bags of half empty potato chips, several two liter pop bottles, and a whole bunch of other junk food laying amidst the ruins. It was such a high-energy night I forgot the pig killers were coming out the next morning, even though I had scheduled them myself. I was wiped out. I barely remember sinking into bed when I heard a loud knock on the door. I was dreading the thought of more kids being dropped off. 10-year- old Jessica was the first to respond. I heard the door open, then a few seconds later she burst into our room – “there's someone here about the pigs!” "Oh ya, that's today, isn't it,” I muttered as I fell out of bed and missed the floor. Getting myself together, I went over to the door, trying to mentally figure out all that had to happen. First, the pig kennel that was wired shut with homemade galvanized wire ties, then the bread to lead them to the front of the property. And of course I'd have to open the gate, which means that I'd have to find my keys to unlock the gate first. And then there was the water situation. The hose had come apart last night at one of the many splices. I thought it would be nice for the pig killers to be able to wash any pig blood off their hands, so I yelled for Jake to get up and get me a screwdriver. I could tell the pig killer wasn't use to screwdrivers being part of the routine for his job, so I concentrated on getting the gate open and grabbing the crowbar to pry the door to the kennel open. Things went well for a few minutes. We chatted a little as I noticed this guy was twice my size and had a huge rifle. I didn't want to intimidate him as I grabbed the crowbar to get the kennel door off, so I quickly told him what it was for and that seemed to set us both at ease. I quickly pried the twistys off and ripped the door off the hinge. I was going to replace the door anyway so no big deal. After the door was open (actually lying on the ground), I told the guy we could either put them down out here, and bring them to the front in the wheelbarrow; or try and get them to the front of the property alive. He opted for plan B, so I quickly left to get some frozen bagels. When I came back with the bagels, the pig killers were spread out for the wild pig hunt. Knowing they had a rifle, and not wanting to get shot as they made their way around our 20' high and 50 wide burn pile, I called out to them "hey guys, I've got the bagels to lead them to the front of the property". I'd heard all about hunting accidents, and I wasn't wearing orange. I must have looked pretty ridiculous walking with my shoes untied, carrying a bag of frozen bagels to the great pig hunt, but after a few minutes the pig killers had them against the fence line all by themselves and were chasing them towards the gate. In case you don't know this about me, I don't always wear my glasses, and this day was no exception. I don't really need them all the time, except when I'm driving in places where I really need to be able to read road signs (going to work, no problem, I can drive without them). Anyway, I should probably tell you that there were four pig killers that were there that day. Actually the main pig killer, his two sons’, and his wife. Back to the story. When we were still about 50' from the house, the main pig killer, who was twice my size and had the big rifle, shot one of the pigs in the tall brush. I heard the shot, and knew what it was, but it still shocked me out of my socks. As I looked toward the house, I noticed that Nicole was out on the back lawn. Why she was there I didn't know. I knew she wouldn't want to see this harm befall her little pets. And she was just standing there, apparently frozen in fear. It didn't look right. I quickly had compassion for her tender little heart. "Nicole honey, the man is going to shoot this other pig, go on in the house honey". No response. She just stood there looking at me. "Nicole, it's all right honey, just go in the house please, I know you don't want to see this". She just continued to look at me. "Nicole, go in the house. Please!!!" It was then that Jessica stuck her head out the window. "Nicole's on the couch Steve". I looked at Nicole again. Then I noticed that she was a little taller than I remembered her from the night before. I walked closer to her. POP POP. The other two pigs were dead. I looked over to see the results, which I won't describe. Things were happening too fast. I looked back at Nicole, who had turned into the pig killer's wife. Actually it was her all along. I remember I had left my glasses in the house. Boy did I feel dumb. "Oh wow, I forgot my glasses, I stuttered". "You looked just like my daughter". "Oh, I was wondering why you kept telling me to get in your house!" I apologized again a few dozen more times. The pig killers didn't seem to notice. They were busy playing with their expensive cutlery. They had drug the carcasses up into the driveway where they started working out of the back of their really big truck. It was interesting watching them slice and dice, and I had them save the intestines, heads, and all the other stuff they normally take with them, for some friends of mine at work. It was, without a doubt, pretty gross, especially since we ran out of ice and had to put them in the deep freezer, which was really fun since my friends came right after lunch and our friends that were visiting from church got to see me pull a bucket full of frozen pigs heads and guts out of our freezer. There was a line for the bathroom after that one. After the ordeal, I noticed there was a big pool of blood right in the middle of the driveway. I thought about this just as Jacob mentioned it "man, I hope the cops don't come by, they're going to think you killed someone here Dad". Thanks Jake. I wrote the guy a check for all his hard work during the great pig hunt, told him I would call him when we get ready to do it again, and off they went. It will take me at least six months to recover from today, which is the way God plans it don't you know, since we will obviously buying some more pigs soon (as soon as I put the door back on the pig kennel).