VIEWS: 21 PAGES: 8 POSTED ON: 4/20/2010
Introduction to the Annotated Gonterisms In your hands you hold what I consider to be a crowning achievement of our class, the complete and annotated collection of the Gonterisms as of now. This is an accomplishment unique to our I.B. class as no other I.B. class before has been able to accomplish this monumental task. However, before you read on, I ask you head the following words about the restrictions of the following text. First, this is unfortunately by no means all of the memorable quotes from Mr. Gonter. I wish that I myself would be able to hear and record them all myself; however, I am only one person. I encourage everyone to contribute to this collection, so that all may share in the rare wisdom of Gonter. These are true gems of wisdom that everyone deserves to hear about. Secondly, I wish to say that these quotes are collected by no means as an insult towards Mr. Gonter or any of the honorary Gonterists. While many may consider these quotes to by the mindless rabble of unintelligent idiots, I disagree. I instead believe that each of these quotes offer a simply put, but incredibly powerful and humorous message about the world. For this reason, I have collected these quotes, and am now sharing them with the world. I believe everyone deserves the wisdom contained within their words. And lastly, it is a rare occurrence, but at times a person may have the fortune to have his/her words stumble upon genius much in the way Mr. Gonter's words so often do. For this reason, I have allowed for honorary Gonterists to have their quotes placed within this text, so that their Gonter-like wisdom may not be lost to our memories. I hope that everyone who comes across this work enjoys and more importantly benefits from the existence of this text. I thank you for all your support in the collection and presentation of these landmark quotes on the human condition. -A. Muir Annotated Gonterisms A- "Adjectives are a waste of time" -Gonter's view on language since he is right-brained afterall "Aggressive" -The one adjective Gonter likes, we all should use it in our college applications *"All you need for this problem...all you need to do...all you need...all you need is love" -Mr. Redding discussing u-substitution in our class "Anyone have a rubber...tree" -Gonter almost asking the class for condoms B- "Baloney" -Denotes something as not being true "Believe you me" -The first recorded Gonterism "Bend over young man, this is going to be fun" -Gonter talking about punishment in basketball "Brain Attack" -A heart attack that is a stroke, Mr. Gonter insists vehemently that this never occurs "Bellysmacker" -Bellyflop "Built like a brick" -Mr. Gonter a few years ago when he used to look like the bouncer on the infamous nerve "program" "Busy Camper" -Us during the 3rd quarter "Butta, butta, butta, butta..."- Translates to 'But What'. Gonteric for you have no excuse C- "Check your radiator" -What you should do after hitting a tumbleweed "Cold Stone" -You have to take out a mortgage to eat there "Couple of years ago, like 30" -For most people, 30 years is just a couple D- "Di(a)cot" -Gonteric pronunciation of dicot "Difinitions, you better have 'em, due tomorrow" -Gonter's homework assignment as written on the board “Dingbats” -Gonter on high school football coaches” "Don't ever feed the dog, that's plagiarism" -That is a stretch even for Mr. Gonter "Don't let that hit you, it is kinda heavy" -Gonter describing a pine cone "Don't squeeze the Charmin" -Gonter relating life to toilet paper E- "El Cheapo" -Spanish for cheap, describes all the lab equipment F- "F,F,F" -What you get if you always do what you always done "Five finger discount" -What happened to all the patellas on the model skeletons "Forget about it" or "Forget it" -Gonteric for you are wrong *"F(u) with regards to Mr. Redding" -Redding on what his students think mathematically about him G- "Gibbelerians" -Gonteric pronunciation of gibberlin plant hormone "Gone with the wind CHEATER" -Gonter leaving a message on the desk of a student who had written answers on the desk H- "Hi Big Bro, hi little bro" -Gonter on similarities between cervical vertebras of all chordata "Hurtin' for Certain" -The inevitable pain of the tissues lab I- "I can say quiz in one language" -Gonter on his language abilities. He later tried to say it in another language. See "Quizo" "I didn't say bathtub" -Gonter describing sinks in plant phloem "I don't have to hear you in another country" -Gonter on talking too loud "I don't think it healed" -Gonter telling Katie about her friends injury "I don't usually like water bottles 'cause the kids spike 'em" -Gonter's belief that I.B. kids are alcoholics "If a bear comes crashing through here" -I still wonder where Mr. Gonter pulled that one from “If I pick up a book” -Gonter while ignoring all the book around him and picking up a tape dispenser "If I put someone in an oven, I'll guarantee it will be the male that comes out first" -Gonter on insulation between the sexes "If not today then yesterday" -Soon "If this was a crayfish" -Gonter while pointing to a marker "If you always do what you always done you'll always get what you always got" -Gonter on life and labs. See entry "F,F,F" for what he is referring to for what you always will get. “If you see a blink, it’s a turtle” -Indeed "If you're stupid, stupid, and picking up something stupid, then your muscles are stupid and you're stupid" -Count 'em up, I got five stupids, although some argue it may indeed be more "I'll guarantee it!" -Gonter when he is convinced "I'll keep an eye out for you" -Gonter telling someone he will be ready when he comes in to make up the eye dissection lab, not getting his own pun "I'ma hit you with a..." -Usually followed by quiz, test, etc. A threat "Immediately if not yesterday" -Gonter describing how quickly you are on the ground if he were to use his karate on you or when you should turn in your homework "I realize that" -Used when someone points out that he is wrong about something. Usually followed by "...but" and a half-comprehensible reason as to why he was wrong. *"Is that the head?" -Rae asking Mr. Gonter about the pelvic bone that Mr. Gonter was wearing like a mask "It has a cap and dandruff" -Gonter describing a monocot vascular bundle "Its not that I don't trust you, I don't trust you. I am coming to your house." -What Gonter tells us at the outset of an independent lab J- "Just ask Mr. Einstein. It took him a thousand times to get the light bulb right." -Gonter on how experiments don't work the first time. And here we were thinking Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. K- L- M- "Melanie" -What you get when you add an 'E' to the end of Melanin. And here we all thought you would get melanine "Mighty Mouse Mitochondia" -Cell anatomy a la Gonter "Minor problem that is a major problem" -Gonter on his problems with the projector "My Gad" -If you have head Gonter say this, you are truly blessed N- "Nailed" -What will happen to you if you cheat or don't study "Next time you have an earache, listen to it! -Gonter getting excited about the inner ear "Nope" -If you haven't heard Mr. Gonter pronounce this, too bad for you "No, no...well, let me put it this way, yes" -Legendary Gonter paradigm “No, I need a guy” -Viggi apparently doesn’t qualify "Now I won't do it for 'safety' reasons" -Gonter on putting his hand in a flame O- "Ohio in the winter. Snow" -Gonter describing his home state by pointing to a TV P- "Plants are my favorite subject...no cats are" -I don't know how many times we heard this "Pogee" -Gonter's term for POGb "Point Blank" -Gonterism that proceeds Gonter telling you something bluntly "The Pumper" -Woowee, Gonter's amazing story of dancing gone wrong! Q- "Quizo" -Gonter trying to say quiz in another language "Quiz will be on Alex's foot!" -Gonter saying if Alex doesn't bring his book again the whole class can blame him for the test R- "Relax" -Mr. Gonter repeatedly had to tell Amy this was how to pass his final, even though I still do not believe to this day that she believes this will be enough "Rip City" -Where the 'morons' and 'idiots' took Gonter's project when he got the ping pong ball into the hole on the first try S- “Scarcomere” or “Sacromere” -Gonteric for Sarcomere "Self-beater" -Gonteric for 'heart' "Shock City" -Where I.B. kids go when they get bad grades "Skin Cancer" -Gonter's term for the orange-like thing we used in the first fruit lab "Some of you are up and down like yo-yo's" -Our scores on tests according the the G-Man "Starts with an A, ends with a Y, and has ABS in the front...Absolutely" -Gonter answering 'Are tanning booths bad for you?' "Strike one, then a pinch hitter, then strike three, and guess what, you are out, just ask Randy (Johnson)" -Mr. Gonter on discipline T- "That's an automatic" -Gonterism that describes something we all should get without question *"That opens a whole can of worms and you don't want that unless you are going fishing" -Redding on what not to do when integrating using u-substitution "That won't fly" -Something that doesn't fulfill the requirements "That's the kind of time you could use some medical marijuana" -Gonter referring to glaucoma, now used during Calculus when nothing makes sense "The baby's head is the heaviest part of the head" -Gonter describing sutcher joints to us "They knew when I came out the huddle I was gunna kill him, and I did just that. I scooped him!" -Gonter describing his infamous football career "This is Mickey mouse" -Gonter telling us how easy his class is "Time to close up shop" -Legendary phrase heard at the end of every class hour "Took 'em to the cleaners" -Yes we did Mr. Gonter, yes we did "Tree can't tell the future...They can't even talk" -Why the answer wasn't all of the above U- "Ulna U-N-L-A" -Gonteric spelling of ulna V- W- "Watch this" -Translates to 'listen up' "We're going to do experiments 24/10" -Overzealous Gonter on labs "We're moving slower than a snail's turtle's pace" -And Mr. Gonter wonders why we are 9 weeks behind "What do you think they have been doing for the past 15 years" -Gonter when asked what he thought would happen if Mexico invaded the U.S. "What you don't realize is ___" -The reason I am right and you are wrong is "_____" "Where's the hearing center of your head?" -To answer his question, he points to his ear "Who nibbled my peach" -Gonter didn't want us eating the fruit in the fruit lab, as it was his fruit salad for lunch "Woopy Dink" -Defies explanation "Worst one of the century...not this century...I'm talking about the last 200 years" -On the tsunami X- Y- "Yellow is the least common element" -Gonter sharing his knowledge about elements in the Sun "You ain't ever going to hear trace come out of any of my mouths" -You have more than one Mr. Gonter "You Goofed" -Origin: Gonter describing Brad not wearing his cast and re-breaking his foot "You gotta be kidding me" -Gonter doesn't like what you are saying "You musk be quiet" -Gonter putting a stop to Alex and Fickes' conversation about cheap cologne "You pat me on the back, I pat you on the back, and we both get slapped" -What happens when you cover for your friends "You're not allowed to smoke in Gonter's house. Period." -Gonter referring to himself in the third person through his house and just calling himself Gonter, clearly he knows he is a legend "Your ship has sailed" -Gonter telling you your opportunity has passed "You're going to have to pay the piper" -What happens when you get a bad grade "You're going to have problems when you're older" -Gonter to Brad "You're gunna plant 'em all in the ground" -Gonter telling our class where we plant plants "You wanna play street ball lets take it down to 180." -If you mess around I will send you to sweep Z- *- Denotes an honorary Gonterism
"Introduction to the Annotated Gonterisms"