Ten Step Guide On How To Annoy a Referee
FOOTBALL as we know it began in 1848 with the formation of the Cambridge Rules, associations were set up to implement the rules for the enjoyment of every player. Then the rules became laws, and ever since every player to grace the field of football has attempted to break them with varying levels of success. Here's a ref's eye view guide of how to successfully annoy the official. This is where the 'referee' comes in. Designed to be both judge and jury in any football match, the job of a referee is possibly the most difficult one in football, if a striker fails to score a goal one week, his manager may give him a dressing down in private afterwards but he always has the chance to redeem himself in the next encounter. But if a referee fails to spot the smallest foul, an offside or denies a penalty, then that referee will be publicly humiliated for the next month in the local press, by a manager and players who haven't yet realised that without a referee they don't have match to play. So apart from bad mouthing referees in the local press, to others or in forums, what are the ways to guaranteed to annoy any referee? Here's your ten-step guide to successfully annoying any referee and finding yourself in their little black book. 1. Swear: Easy you may think, but swearing has to be done in the right context and the right time in order to successfully annoy your match referee. It's no good swearing when you miss kick the ball or when you miss a sitter of a goal; the referee will just dismiss that as frustration. In order to guarantee your place in referee's book your language has to be excessive, usually every other word will do and if there are children watching the game the louder the better and you can be happy with seeing a yellow card. If however you want to go all the way and take an early bath your shortest route to a red card is to swear at the referee, call him or her what you will, no matter what you call them, if they consider it offensive then you will be walking off the field before the 90 minutes are up. 2. Dissent: A good old favourite with any referee. Dissent their decisions at every possible chance and you will be looking at a yellow card. But be warned, each referee has a different level of tolerance, what you might get away with one referee you will not get away with another. Judge your use of dissent well. 3. Time Wasting: This one seriously annoys the majority of referees especially on a cold and wet winter Saturday afternoon. If you're the goalkeeper, take just that little bit longer fishing the ball out of the hedge, if you're a player, take just that little extra time to take a throw in or take a free kick. Be warned, if the referee is having a good day, he will add time on and you could still be playing at midnight if he wants to get really picky about adding on time. But waste enough time and say hello to the little black book. 4. Fouls: An easy one really, but like swearing it has to be done at the right time, get in a good late foul and then argue with the referee that it was 'only the first' and you will be in the book. Referees don't care if it was your first, second or third foul, if it's late, reckless, dangerous or just plain unsporting you will be cautioned.
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Ten Step Guide On How To Annoy A Referee
5. Offside: A contentious issue this one, ever since the chaos surrounding the Rudd Van Nistelrooy incident every player in the country seems to think Law 11 (Offside) has changed. Two words, it hasn't. The offside law is the same as ever, all that happened was a clarification to referees from FIFA that a late and correct flag was better and more creditable than an early and wrong flag. Ask any referee if he will be playing to the 'new' offside rule and you can guarantee he will have you pegged as a smart arse for the rest of the game and will be looking for something to get you on. 6. Sexism: This will of course only work if the referee is female. Women referees are still new to the game, but they are making a big impact, some of the best referees at the current time are women, but because of sexism within the game they are being denied the chance for officiate big games because it's felt that women won't have the 'authority' over men on the field of play. But even in your local league game you can find yourself hauled off a pitch faster than you can say 'jumping jack flash' if you make sexist comments to any female referee. The women in the game these days are tough and they don't take it from anyone. 7. Asking the time: This may seem like a perfectly ok question to ask, but to any referee who is trying to concentrate on their game it is guaranteed to annoy them. It will firstly break their concentration, possibly at a vital moment where a decision has to be made, but also because it is not you the player who decides how much time there is left to play but the referee himself, so if he wants to add on another five minutes because of injuries, time wasting or substitutions then that's his right, you are just there to play football. It has been known for referees to caution players for asking the time too much in a match, it can be and has been considered a form of dissent, after all you are questioning the referee as to their judgment. 8. Get in a referees way: Accidents happen and occasionally players and referees do clash from running into each other, it's just one of those things. But deliberately get in their way to block their view when a tackle is happen, when a ball is going out for a corner or goal kick will put you into their bad books. And if a player does go down because of a foul and you dissent their decision not to give it because he couldn't see because your back was in the way then you will be asked your name and shown a card. 9. Encroachment: If a referee is in a really bad mood because you have successfully done all or many of the above, just encroaching into the ten-yard area on a free kick or into the penalty area on a spot kick will get you put into the book. This is a little used cautionable offence at the moment, but referees who like to get the cards out or who are clamping down on discipline will caution for this offence if you do it more than once. It is an easy one, but again it has to be done in the right way. 10. Alex Ferguson: No more needs to be said; just his name annoys any referee. Conclusion: So as you can see the successful way to annoy a referee is actually quite easy. Don't go down the old route of questioning their parentage or telling them they need to get to Spectacles. They prepare themselves for all those cracks and nine times out of ten they have some good replies to them which will leave you speechless for the next ten minutes, silent players are always a novelty. Annoying a referee is an art form and if done in the right way it can be successful, but remember there is one thing you can never do, attempt to change a referee's mind, once they have made a decision that it, it's done, it's over and you have to move on. Adapted by Richard Baker from and English FA Magazine.
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