Money Personalities & Money Games Mellan’s Money Types • Most of us a mixture of types. • Change over time. • Couples may balance each other out. Money Types - Hoarders • Enjoy saving for a rainy day. • Difficulty spending on luxury items or immediate pleasures (entertainment, vacations, clothes). • Like to budget and periodically review. • Assumption: Money = Security • Weakness: May be too anxious, stingy, or worried to enjoy money in the moment. Money Types-Spenders • Enjoy buying goods and services for immediate pleasure. • Difficulty saving money or prioritizing needs. • Budgets make spenders claustrophobic. • Assumption: Money = Happiness • Weakness: inadequate savings means lack of long-term financial security. • Extreme cases – spending addiction. • Emotional backlash- angry when curb spending - ―inner tantrum.‖ Bingers • Combination of hoarders and spenders. • Save and save—then blow money all at once. • Weakness: Lack of long-term financial security. Relationship problems resulting from erratic behavior. Money Types-Money Monks • Believe money is dirty or bad and too much of it will corrupt them. • Uncomfortable with wealth, fear you’d ―sell out‖ or lose sight of human, political, or spiritual ideals. • Assumption: Money is root of all evil. • Weaknesses: may sabotage opportunities for greater financial comfort, won’t ―indulge‖ themselves or spend on life’s luxuries. Money Types-Avoider • Tend to avoid the various tasks of everyday money management: don’t balance checkbook, know how much owe or how much you spend, likely pay bills late. • Assumptions: Money is too complicated or . . . Money is too mundane. • May feel overwhelmed or incompetent with money management tasks, or ―above‖ the boring details of money management. • Weaknesses: Inability to address financial issues leads to financial mistakes and lack of long- term financial security Money Types-Amasser • Happiest when you have large amounts of money at your disposal to spend, save, or invest. • Like to make money & display money. • Assumptions: Money =Self-Worth Money = Power. • Weaknesses: Lack of money may lead to feelings of failure. May not enjoy life, but be preoccupied with money. Money Types-Worrier • Worry about money all the time-what could go wrong requiring money. • Spend great deal of time balancing and rebalancing your checkbook . • Probably think if had more money you wouldn’t worry, but then you’d worry more. • Assumptions: Money = Security • Weaknesses: Miserable, waste life obsessing over money Maslow’s Hierarchy & Money Needs (Money Trouble by Thomas Manheim) • Physiological: paying rent or mortgage, putting food on the table, day to day survival. • Safety: saving money, making prudent investments, buying modest homes and cars, establishing an emergency fund. • Social or Belonging: How we use money to join groups, social, get friends. How we give money to charities or church. • Ego or Esteem: buying fancy car or designer clothes, upscale house, latest electronic gadgets (publicized financial success or status) • Self-actualization: personal growth efforts, pursuing further education. Money Needs - Manheim • None of needs bad or better than another. • We operate out of each of the need areas. • Priorities vary throughout life. • Financial distress results when operate unconsciously out of unbalanced needs or struggle with competing needs. Physiological Needs 10% Safety 5% Belonging/Social 55% Ego/Esteem 20% Self-Actualization 10% Total 100% Money Games (Money Trouble by Thomas Manheim) • We each play ―money games‖ to varying degrees. • When we play games unconsciously we lose touch with realty and our true selves. • Money games keep us numb and distracted from what we really want out of life. • We talk ourselves into believing we will be happy if we ―win the game.‖ • We run and run and never seem satisfied. The More Money Game • Persona: Hungry Ghost • Rules: Get as much as you can because money alleviates worry. • Belief: If I have more money, I’ll be happier. • Secret: People don’t know how much I worry • Feeling: Chronic worry, fear, emptiness • Game Triggers: Age, life events, death, illness, divorce, separation, marriage • Disarming Strategies: Get rid of ―shoulds‖ & create a realistic money timeline for your money goals The Victim Game • Persona: Leech • Rules: I’m incompetent with money matters. I can’t take care of myself, so I will find someone who will. • Belief: I am not capable on my own. If I fend for myself, it won’t be enough. • Secret: I love you for what you do for me, but deep down I resent the hell out of you for making me dependent. • Feeling: Indirect anger, incompetence • Game Triggers: New relationships, old relationships, children being born, divorce, relatives dying, inheriting money, losing job • Disarming Strategies: Learn everything you need to know about money so you will feel comfortable taking responsibility for actions. Disengage manipulation. Talk openly about fears, concerns, issues, hopes, desires. Money & Sex Game • Persona: Sexless Sam • Rules: Money gets me sex and love, so I need to show I make a lot of money to be loved. • Belief: My money makes me more attractive than I would be without it. • Secret: No one would want me without my money. • Feeling: Worthless, lonely, not enough • Game Triggers: Life changes (empty nesting, menopause, retirement), changes in body, changes in financial status, divorce, spousal death • Disarming Strategies: Focus on who you are rather than what you have or look like. Assess the degree of game playing in your relationships, get centered and real about who you are with others. Workaholic Game • Persona: Atlas • Rules: The burden’s on me. I have to produce. If I don’t, I’m a failure. • Belief: I have to work, work, and work to keep feeling fulfilled and others satisfied. • Secret: I despise being trapped in this role, but I can’t seem to stop. • Feeling: Fear, resentment, despair • Game Triggers: Fear of failure, family pressure, family tragedy, need to control, need to escape into work • Disarming Strategies: Assess priorities and what you are gaining/giving up to be workaholic The Bag Lady Game • Persona: Pack rat, Bag lady • Rules: Save as much as I can. Never spend, never give anything away. • Belief: I have to save or I’ll be broke before I know it and out on the street. • Secret: The world is a fearful place and I can’t count on anyone or anything if things get bad. I don’t trust anything but my money. I don’t believe in pleasure, but I sure do miss it. • Feeling: Mistrust, terror, constriction • Game Triggers: Money fears, economic downturn, fuzzy financial future, life changes, marriage, divorce, childbirth, illness • Disarming Strategies: Confront fears, affirm money comfort, embrace financial balance Got More Game • Persona: Attila the Hun • Rules: Whoever has the most stuff or money power wins. • Belief: If I have more than you, I have more power than you do and I’m better. • Secret: The game never ends and I always have to watch my back. I get high on the power. • Feeling: Insecurity, paranoia, impotence • Game Triggers: Being threatened, former money or family abuse, getting taken advantage of, feeling victimized by money transactions, feeling empty without money power play to make • Disarming Strategies : Consider your addictions, get centered, realign priorities. Old Money Game • Persona: Crown Prince/Princess • Rules: I’ve got more money, so I’m entitled • Belief: I’m better than you since I have more wealth. • Secret: I’m not sure who I am without my money. I mask my insecurity with my money. • Feeling: Entitled, empty, insecure • Game Triggers: Disrespect, feeling used, feeling anger and projecting it outward • Disarming Strategies: Give up your codependent relationship with money. Social Climber Game • Persona: Manipulator • Rules: If I hang out with the rich, I’ll end up rich (or I’m important) • Belief: I can acquire worth and self-esteem if I rub elbows with the rich. • Secret: If they knew who I am and how little I really have, they’d reject me. I hate myself that I’m not more. I hate them because I have to do so much to be accepted. • Feeling: Inferiority, self-loathing, resentment • Game Triggers: Being rejected, being judged for being poor, needing validation. • Disarming Strategies: Consider who you are in and out of your own talents, abilities, and self- worth. Self-Worth Game • Persona: House of Cards • Rules: I am my money. My money makes me who I am. • Belief: With money, I am somebody • Secret: Without my money, I may not have much to offer. • Feeling: Anger, resentment, worthlessness • Game Triggers: Desperation triggered by not having money and status • Disarming Strategies: Explore your value as separate from your money Kiddo Game • Persona: Marionette (puppet) • Rules: I get money for love. I give money to show love. • Belief: I don’t have to take charge of my money responsibilities because mom and dad will bail me out. • Secret: You give me money, I give you love. I give you money, you give me loyalty and unconditional regard. • Feeling: Dependent, afraid, manipulated • Game Triggers: Being born in a Kiddo Game family, handling money • Disarming Strategies: Acknowledge and take responsibility for money dependency. Commit to stop cycle of money abuse Mistrust Game • Persona: Hoarder • Rules: Guard my money at all costs. No one can be trusted • Belief: I can’t trust anyone to know my money dealings or be responsible with money, especially family • Secret: I am afraid my family and friends will hurt me so I have to keep control. No one gets close to me—not even me. • Feeling: Fear, paranoia, mistrust • Game Triggers: inherited money, having money, finding out you can control with your money. • Disarming Strategies: Being honest, coming clean with money lies, establishing open relationships with those you love Moneyholic Game • Persona: Addict • Rules: Buy, buy, buy no matter what. • Belief: Having, getting, or winning will make me happy-no matter what the cost. • Secret: I am drowning and my debt owns me. • Feeling: Continuously empty; ―money, please feed me.‖ • Game Triggers: Life changes, entering the consumer society, valuing money above all else. • Disarming Strategies: Get a clear picture of your total financial picture and debt, as well as any addictive, self-destructive behaviors. Slave Game • Persona: Martyr • Rules: Enslave myself to a job or profession in order to feel OK about myself and my commitments. • Belief: I have to sacrifice myself in order to be responsible. My passions are frivolous. • Secret: I hate doing this work and am angry at all the people that are dependent on me. I feel punished, but it hurts so good. • Feeling: Used, punished • Game Triggers: Being made to feel responsible, inadequate, or martyred • Disarming Strategies: Own your resentment and anger. Learn to balance your sense of commitment with your passion.