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					                                                                    SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                              Page 1




           SABRINA, THE TEENAGE WITCH
                                  EPS. 0128
                    “Deliver Us from E-Mail”


            MUSIC IN:


            INT. BULLPEN


SABRINA:    Wish me luck. I‟m going into Mike‟s office with an
            idea, and I‟m coming out with my own column.
JOSH:       I really admire your determination, Sabrina. I mean,
            who else could go in there with such a positive
            attitude knowing that Mike has shot down every
            intern who‟s ever tried to write for the paper.
SABRINA:    I didn‟t know that.
JOSH:       Oh. I just made that up. Funny joke, huh?
SABRINA:    Yeah. Undermining my confidence at the pivotal
            point in my career? A laugh riot.
JOSH:       Wait, let me rephrase that. Good luck. You‟re gonna
            knock „em dead.
SABRINA:    Much better.


                                                                   (CUT TO)


            INT. MIKE’S OFFICE


                                                                   (DOOR OPENS/
                                                                   CLOSES)
MIKE:       (INTO PHONE) Um. Well, ah… (TO SABRINA)
            Have a seat. (INTO PHONE) Yeah. No, no, no.
            (TO SABRINA) Just finishing up with Ana Quindlen.
SABRINA:    Oh my God, Anna Quindlen.
                                                                    SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                              Page 2



MIKE:      (INTO PHONE) Look, Quindlen, I don‟t care how
           may Pulitzer's you‟ve won, your piece on anti-
           depressants was frankly a downer. And it wouldn‟t
           hurt to reacquaint yourself with punctuation.
           (HANGS UP) So, Spellman, what do you want?
SABRINA:   Oh, nothing. I just, you know, I was thinking about
           ordering a new swivel chair for my house, and this
           one seems very swivelly. Gotta go.
MIKE:      Wait a minute. You‟ve got a folder in your hand, it
           says, “Ideas for Mike.”
SABRINA:   Oh, well, I kind of had an idea for a column.
MIKE:      Well, why don‟t you kind of spit it out?
SABRINA:   Okay. Well, the Boston area has more than thirty
           college campuses. I mean, they‟re all over the place.
           Like Starbucks. And Regis Philbin. I just thought
           there might be a huge audience for a column about
           college students and the issues they face.
MIKE:      Go on.
SABRINA:   Well, um, for example, college life is very stressful.
MIKE:      You want stressful? Take a look at my last
           angiogram. What‟s your angle?
SABRINA:   Most students are up to their necks in loans. But
           how can they have time to study when they have to
           take menial jobs just to stay afloat.
MIKE:      So, sacrificing their future just to survive in the
           present. That‟s, ah, that‟s very good.
SABRINA:   You think so?
MIKE:      Yeah. So did the New York Times magazine section.
           They ran a piece on it six months ago.
SABRINA:   Oh, well, ah, how about this topic: sex. Hot topic.
           Hot, hot, hot.
MIKE:      What about sex?
SABRINA:   Well, most students wrestle with the pressure. I
           mean, morally they may want to abstain; yet the
           media bombards them with a constant stream of
           sexual imagery.
                                                                           SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                     Page 3



MIKE:      Now that‟s very timely. Which is why it was on the
           cover of Time.
SABRINA:   Oh, well, ah, what about any of these topics?
                                                                          (SHE HANDS MIKE A
                                                                          PIECE OF PAPER)
MIKE:      I‟ll tell you what, I like „em all. Unfortunately, I‟ve also
           read them all. This proves that you have good
           instincts, Sabrina, now I want you to keep at it, okay?
           I‟m sure you‟re gonna come up with something.
SABRINA:   You‟re right. Thanks. Oh, I‟ve got it. College
           students: give „em a second chance and they‟ll
           come up with something.
MIKE:      Keep thinking.
SABRINA:   College students: they keep thinking.


                                                                          (MUSIC OVER
                                                                          OPENING CREDITS/
                                                                          ACTION UP AND
                                                                          OUT)


           FADE IN:


           INT. SPELLMAN KITCHEN


                                                                          (MORE CREDITS
                                                                          OVER ACTION)
HILDA:     Knit one, purl two. Knit one, purl two.
                                                                          (MUSIC IN)
HILDA:     (SINGING) Knit one, purl two, pick a bale of cotton.
           Knit one, purl two, pick a bale of hay.
           Knit one…
                                                                          (MUSIC OUT)
ZELDA:     Hilda. What do you think you‟re doing?
HILDA:     Knitting and singing folk songs. Quite well, I might
           add. Oh, my new hobby is so relaxing.
                                                                     SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                               Page 4



SALEM:     Maybe for you. But I‟m trying to concentrate on
           expanding my intellectual horizons.
ZELDA:     (READING COMPUTER SCREEN) “There once
           was a witch from Helsinki…” Who did what with her
           pinkie? Salem, who‟s sending you this garbage?
SALEM:     NastyGirl at “The-Slammer-Dot-Org.” Meow.


                                                                    (CUT TO)


           INT. SABRINA’S LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN


                                                                    (SABRINA AT HER
                                                                    LAPTOP
                                                                    COMPUTER)
SABRINA:   Oh, I wish this airhead NastyGirl would stop sending
           me these stupid limericks.
MILES:     At least you get limericks. I get letters condemning
           me to hell if I don‟t reply immediately. Never give
           your email address to your mother.
SABRINA:   I am so close to getting my own column for the
           newspaper, I don‟t have time to deal with this.
           (TYPING) “Dear Airhead, stop harassing me with
           your annoying e-mails. They‟re nothing but mindless
           garbage.”
MILES:     Could you forward that to my mother?
SABRINA:   Miles, I need a hook. Say I was writing an insightful,
           sophisticated article on sex. What would a good
           angle be?
MILES:     Why I‟m not having any?
SABRINA:   Let‟s say the story was about stress?
MILES:     Why I‟m the poster boy for stress.
SABRINA:   Suppose the story wasn‟t about you?
MILES:     Then you‟re on your own.


                                                                    (CUT TO)
                                                                        SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                  Page 5




            INT. OTHER REALM PRISON CELL


KATRINA:    (READING) “Airhead? Mindless garbage?” I may
            be an evil twin but I still have feelings. Let‟s see, I
            could turn the other cheek, forgive and forget, or, ruin
            Sabrina‟s life by e-mailing her a nasty computer
            virus. Huh. We‟ll see who‟s the airhead now.


                                                                       (CUT TO)


            INT. SABRINA’S LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN


SABRINA’S   (VOICE OVER) E-mail.
COMPUTER:

SABRINA:    (READING) “Apologies from NastyGirl.” Good. I
            guess whoever it is got the message.
                                                                       (FX: COMPUTER
                                                                       SNEEZES)
SABRINA:    Whoa, what was that? (SNEEZES) Omigod. That
            was like so weird.


                                                                       (CUT TO)


            INT. OTHER REALM PRISON CELL


KATRINA:    They say ignorance is bliss. Sabrina, you‟re about to
            be very, very happy. (LAUGHS)


                                                                       (CUT TO)


            INT. SABRINA’S LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN


                                                                       (DOOR OPENS/
                                                                       CLOSES)
                                                                         SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                   Page 6



ROXIE:     Spellman, you‟re not gonna believe what I just heard.
           Adams is thinking about cutting scholarships by
           twenty-five percent.
SABRINA:   Whatever. Hey, what do you think if I highlighted my
           eyebrows?
ROXIE:     Maybe you didn‟t hear me. This is something that
           could affect my entire future.
SABRINA:   Oh, and the color of my eyebrows doesn‟t affect
           mine? I mean, if I go even one shade too dark, it
           could, like, totally trash all the work I‟ve done with my
           hair.
ROXIE:     What‟s going on with you? Did all your brains fall out
           of your head?
SABRINA:   Ah, no, I don‟t see any brains, oh, although I did find
           a nickel. Woo-hoo! Here you could put that toward
           your college fund.
ROXIE:     Thanks, now all I need is twenty thousand more.
SABRINA:   Oh, well, I‟ll keep looking.


                                                                        (CUT TO)


           INT. SPELLMAN LIVING ROOM


HILDA:     (SINGING) “Swing low, sweet chariot
           Coming for to carry me home.”

ZELDA:     Hilda, shouldn‟t you be carrying yourself to work?
HILDA:     I‟ll leave right after I finish this row. So far I‟ve made
           two scarves, a throw rug, and well, whatever this
           thing is.
SALEM:     Why, grandma, what big eyes you have.
ZELDA:     The better to see how ridiculous you look.
SALEM:     Hilda‟s new obsession is doing wonders for my
           wardrobe. How‟s my tube top coming?
HILDA:     I‟m on it.
                                                                            SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                      Page 7



                                                                           (CUT TO)


           INT. BULLPEN


MIKE:      Sabrina…
SABRINA:   Oh, hi, Mikey.
MIKE:      Mikey?
SABRINA:   Yeah, it‟s a fun nickname for Mike.
MIKE:      Yeah, I got that. You had a chance to sharpen up
           those ideas you were working on?
SABRINA:   Actually, I‟ve been working on sharpening my nails.
MIKE:      Um hmm. Well, come join us at the conference
           table. I think you‟ll find my staff is a little better at the
           whole “give the new kid a break” thing.
SABRINA:   Oh, well, I don‟t need a break yet. But maybe after
           the meeting. Hi, Joshie!
EDDIE:     Joshie?
MIKE:      Yeah, it‟s a, ah, fun nickname for Josh.
SABRINA:   You‟re catching on.
MIKE:      Folks, you all know Sabrina, our intern. She‟s got
           some ideas she wants to run by us. Be nice or you
           may find something weird turning up in your coffee.
           So, Sabrina. College students and their experiences.
           What are some of these ideas you want to write
           about?
SABRINA:   Okie-dokie. Well, um, my first idea is, “Guys.”
CONNIE:    What about guys?
SABRINA:   Well, um, where are all the cute guys on campus? I
           mean, it seems like there are tons of girls who really
           want a cute boyfriend but there aren‟t enough to go
           around.
MIKE:      So, you want to write a story about getting a cute
           boyfriend?
SABRINA:   Oh, not for me. I already have one.
EDDIE:     Joshie.
                                                                      SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                Page 8



CONNIE:    And your second column would be what? “Ten ways
           to get thinner thighs?”
SABRINA:   Oh, I like it. Although we should do that one first
           because you‟ll never get a cute boyfriend with fat
           thighs.
JOSH:      I think Sabrina‟s just having fun with us. Come on,
           tell „em about the story you want to write on campus
           security.
SABRINA:   Oh, campus security is a big problem.
MIKE:      How so?
SABRINA:   Well, I know this girl Pam, who‟s like so insecure.
           And it‟s crazy because she has like totally great hair.
           It‟s the color of my eyebrows.
EDDIE:     I‟m sorry. What‟s the story about?
SABRINA:   Well if Pam was more secure, she could probably get
           herself a cute guy. So, should I start writing now?
MIKE:      Not just yet, no.
SABRINA:   Okie-dokie. (TO JOSH) Proud of me?
JOSH:      Are you kidding? You just made a fool of yourself
           and you made a fool of me. Sabrina, I went out on a
           limb to get you this job.
SABRINA:   Because I‟m your girlfriend.
JOSH:      What is wrong with you?
                                                                     (SFX: WIND)
JOSH:      Am I crazy, or is there wind coming through your
           ears?
SABRINA:   Oh, better than from someplace else. (LAUGHS) I
           made a funny.
JOSH:      Would you knock it off?     This was your big shot and
           you blew it. Now they‟re never gonna want you as a
           writer. You‟ll be lucky if they keep you as an intern.
SABRINA:   Joshie, why are you being such a grump? I mean,
           maybe they liked the stuff I said.
JOSH:      They hated it. All right? I hated it.
                                                                      SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                Page 9



SABRINA:   Well, I happen to think I said some really cool stuff.
           And if you don‟t think it‟s cool, then maybe I don‟t
           think you‟re cool, and if you‟re not cool, then maybe I
           don‟t want to be with you.
JOSH:      You‟re breaking up with me?
SABRINA:   Okay, sure, we‟re broken up. Whatever. Hey, how
           do you think I‟d look with bangs?
JOSH:      I don‟t care how you‟d look with bangs.
SABRINA:   Ah. That is so insensitive. No wonder we broke up.
           Bye bye.


                                                                     (MUSIC UP AND
                                                                     OUT)


           FADE IN:


           INT. SABRINA’S LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN


                                                                     (DOOR OPENS)
SABRINA:   Hey, guys.
MORGAN:    Oh, Sabrina.
                                                                     (DOOR CLOSES)
MORGAN:    Josh just stopped by. He‟s really worried about you.
           He said something about you, going on, what was it?
           Oh yeah, insane. Ooh, Neiman‟s.
HARVEY:    Josh said you broke up with him.
SABRINA:   Is he still going on about that? That was hours ago.
MORGAN:    I love your boots.
SABRINA:   And I love your blouse.
MORGAN:    Thanks. It was either tiger print or zebra. Harvey
           liked me better in the tiger. (GROWLS)
SABRINA:   Harvey, I never knew you liked tiger. You know who
           I like? Tiger Woods. He‟s so cute. I wonder if he
           heard that Josh and I broke up? I should call him.
                                                                       SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                Page 10



HARVEY:    Sabrina, are you all right? You don‟t seem like
           yourself.
MORGAN:    I know. Isn‟t it great?
HARVEY:    You know, Morgan, now that I think about it,
           everyone is wearing tiger this year. It‟s the hot seller
           at Wal-Mart.
MORGAN:    Wal-Mart? Excuse me, I‟ve got a large animal print
           to return.
SABRINA:   I love Wal-Mart, and K-Mart. All the marts. Hey, let‟s
           go shopping.
HARVEY:    We‟re not going anywhere. I just made up that stuff
           so Morgan would leave.
SABRINA:   Oh, I get it. No, I don‟t
HARVEY:    Sabrina, I‟m no expert on magic, but it looks to me
           like you‟re under a spell.
SABRINA:   Spell?
HARVEY:    You‟re a witch, remember?
SABRINA:   Oh my gosh. You‟re right.
                                                                      (FX: LEATHER
                                                                      HANDBAG
                                                                      APPEARS)
SABRINA:   Hey, I never have to go shopping again. Do you
           want a car or something?
HARVEY:    Sabrina, I think we need to go for a little drive.
SABRINA:   Okay, then. Car it is. I feel like a Porsche.
                                                                      (DOOR OPENS)
                                                                      (SFX: MAGICAL
                                                                      PING)
HARVEY:    I don‟t drive a stick.
SABRINA:   You do now.
                                                                      (SFX: MAGICAL
                                                                      PING)


                                                                      (MUSICAL BRIDGE)
                                                                     SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                              Page 11



           INT. SPELLMAN LIVING ROOM


ZELDA:     Oh, good lord. Hilda! Hilda, we need to talk.
HILDA:     I‟m right here.
                                                                    (HILDA HAS KNITTED
                                                                    HERSELF INTO A
                                                                    BODY BAG)
ZELDA:     This has gone far enough. I demand that you stop,
           on behalf of sheep everywhere.
HILDA:     What are you getting so worked about?
ZELDA:     Your new hobby has become a pathology. You are
           addicted to knitting.
HILDA:     Zellie, I knit because it relaxes me. I can stop any
           time I want to.
ZELDA:     Look at you. You are knitting alone. You‟re hiding
           balls of yarn under yarn cozies. You have knitted
           yourself into a woolen pod. You are a knit-aholic! A
           knit-phomaniac! A knitwit!
HILDA:     Knitwit. That‟s cute. I‟m gonna knit that on a pillow.
                                                                    (DOOR OPENS/
                                                                    CLOSES)
SABRINA:   Hi.
ZELDA:     Sabrina, Harvey, what brings you here?
SABRINA:   Harvey‟s new car. It‟s awesome.
HARVEY:    I think Sabrina‟s under some kind of spell. She‟s
           acting really weird.
HILDA:     Define “weird?”
ZELDA:     Well, there‟s only one way to find out. Sabrina, dear,
           put your finger on your nose, balance on one foot
           and say “ah.”
                                                                    (SABRINA
                                                                    STRUGGLES TO
                                                                    TOUCH HER NOSE
                                                                    AND BALANCE ON
                                                                    ONE FOOT)
                                                                        SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                 Page 12



SABRINA:   Ahhh.
ZELDA:     Interesting.
SABRINA:   Oh, Aunt Zelda, this game is fun. Okay, um, touch
           your elbow, put your leg behind your neck and say
           “whee!”
ZELDA:     Harvey, I think she may have some sort of airhead
           virus. Hilda, what do you think? Hilda, what do you
           think?
HILDA:     I‟m sorry. I was knitting. Oh, is it hot in here or is it
           just me?
HARVEY:    I‟ve never seen Sabrina like this before. What are
           we gonna do?
ZELDA:     The first thing we‟re gonna do is an intervention.
           Harvey, I may need a hand. Hilda, that‟s it. I‟m
           taking away your needles.
HILDA:     Hey!
ZELDA:     Your niece is in trouble. I need your help. Harvey,
           on the count of three, pull. One, two, three…
                                                                       (FX: HILDA SPINS
                                                                       AROUND. SHE
                                                                       STOPS SPINNING
                                                                       AND IS
                                                                       COMPLETELY OUT
                                                                       OF POD)
HILDA:     Whoa. Guess I can skip spinning class.


                                                                       (CUT TO)


           INT. SPELLMAN DINING ROOM


ZELDA:     (V.O.) Just as I feared.
HILDA:     What is it?
ZELDA:     Sabrina‟s head is completely empty. That airhead
           virus must have drained her of all her substance.
                                                                       (SFX: WIND SOUND)
                                                                          SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                   Page 13



HILDA:       Oh, this cross breeze is so refreshing.
ZELDA:       Sabrina, have you opened any unusual e-mails
             lately?
SABRINA:     No, not really. Oh, although there was this one about
             a witch from Helsinki who did the strangest thing with
             her pinky. I didn‟t really understand it.
HILDA:       I didn‟t get it at first either, but here‟s how I see it…
ZELDA:       Hilda, that e-mail was from The Slammer-Dot-Org.
             The Other Realm prison.
HARVEY:      Why would someone in an Other Realm prison want
             to hurt Sabrina? Who would be so evil?
                                                                         (MUSIC IN)


                                                                         (CUT TO)


             INT. OTHER REALM PRISON CELL


KATRINA:     (TYPING) there once was a witch from East
             Venus…
                                                                         (FX: ZELDA
                                                                         APPEARS)
ZELDA:       Katrina you evil thing.
KATRINA:     Thank you.
ZELDA:       How could you turn my niece into an idiot?
KATRINA:     I just hit enter. It was a snap.
ZELDA:       You‟re not gonna get away with this.
KATRINA:     Oh, yeah? And who‟s gonna stop me?
ZELDA:       The smartest and, according to many, most beautiful
             witch in any realm.
                                                                         (DOOR OPENS)
JEZEBELDA:   Somebody asking for me?
                                                                         (DOOR CLOSES)
ZELDA:       Jezebelda. I though you would have worked your
             way up to solitary by now.
                                                                         SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                  Page 14



JEZEBELDA:   Stick around awhile longer. You‟ll be the reason I get
             there.
ZELDA:       I‟d love to trade threats, but I‟m here on urgent
             business. Katrina, I need the antidote for that
             airhead virus.
JEZEBELDA:   So that‟s the problem? You do seem a little more
             dumber than last time.
ZELDA:       I am not more dumber. Sabrina‟s more dumber.
             And there‟s no such thing as “more dumber.”
KATRINA:     Well, guess what, brainiac? There is no antidote.
             Looks like you came all this way for nothing, unless
             you want to stay for lunch. It‟s taco Thursday.
JEZEBELDA:   There‟s only one way to give Sabrina back her
             substance.
KATRINA:     Don‟t tell her.
JEZEBELDA:   I won‟t, unless, she should happen to zap me some
             of my very favorite Mary Kay products. I‟d just kill for
             some lip liner.
KATRINA:     You all ready did.
ZELDA:       I hate bribes, but this is an emergency.
                                                                        (FX: MAKE UP
                                                                        APPEARS)
JEZEBELDA:   Ooh, my favorite Tallahassee taupe.
KATRINA:     You wouldn‟t betray me. Evil twins stick together.
JEZEBELDA:   No they don‟t. They sell each other out in a
             heartbeat. If Sabrina wants to get back her
             substance, she has to relearn all life‟s lessons, and
             she had to do it my daybreak tomorrow, or she‟ll be a
             pea-brain the rest of her born days.
KATRINA:     You cheap tramp!
JEZEBELDA:   Not anymore. I got me my Mary Kay spring sampler.
ZELDA:       And I got me my antidote. I‟ve got to get me out of
             here while my IQ still has three digits. Well, actually,
             four.
                                                                     SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                              Page 15



                                                                    (FX: ZELDA
                                                                    DISAPPEARS)


                                                                    (MUSICAL BRIDGE)


           INT. SPELLMAN LIVING ROOM


                                                                    (FX: HILDA AND
                                                                    HARVEY PUTTING A
                                                                    KNITTED SCARF
                                                                    THROUGH
                                                                    SABRINA‟S EARS)
HILDA:     I knew this scarf would come in handy some day.
                                                                    (FX: ZELDA
                                                                    APPEARS)
ZELDA:     Okay, I‟ve got the antidote, but we have a lot of work
           to do. First, get that scarf out of Sabrina‟s head.
           Second, we have to play a little game.
SABRINA:   Oh, like the other game where I stand on one foot
           and touch my nose?
ZELDA:     No. This game is called, we put everything you used
           to know back into your head, and you commit it to
           memory, and then apply it to every waking moment
           of your daily life.
SABRINA:   Cool. Can we play Kerplunk?
HILDA:     Oh, I love Kerplunk.
ZELDA:     Kerplunk.
HILDA:     That is not how you play.


                                                                    (CUT TO)


           INT. SPELLMAN LIVING ROOM – LATER


ZELDA:     Sabrina, in order to be a person of substance, one
           must exercise rational thought, but never at the
           expense of human emotion.
                                                                       SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                Page 16



SABRINA:   Do I get to, like buy railroads or something?
HILDA:     Maybe we should start with something simple. Do un
           to others as you would have them do unto you.
HARVEY:    A penny saved is a penny earned.
SALEM:     Don‟t eat yellow snow. What?


                                                                      (CUT TO)


           INT. SPELLMAN LIVING ROOM – THAT NIGHT


ZELDA:     To ensure that our democracy functions properly, we
           need a system of checks and…
SABRINA:   Credit cards.
ZELDA:     Checks and balances.
HILDA:     Hey, is that how they came up with the expression,
           “balancing your checkbook?”
ZELDA:     No. She‟s not even under a spell. Now, where were
           we?
SABRINA:   Talking about the government and our system of
           checks and balances.
HARVEY:    Wow. Something actually made it through.
ZELDA:     Excellent. It‟s time to seize the moment.
HILDA:     But first, we eat. Dibs on the egg salad.


                                                                      (CUT TO)


           INT. COFFEE HOUSE


JOSH:      Morgan, I don‟t get it. It‟s like Sabrina‟s a completely
           different person.
MORGAN:    Don‟t look a gift horse in the mouth.
JOSH:      Hey, I like the Sabrina I knew.
MORGAN:    Well, maybe the Sabrina you knew wasn‟t the real
           Sabrina. Maybe she needed time to get comfortable
           with you before showing her true self.
                                                                       SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                                Page 17



JOSH:      Yeah, but how does a person suddenly go from
           being intelligent and thoughtful to being a total
           airhead?
MORGAN:    She‟s not an airhead. She‟s just embracing the
           material things in life. Which strikes me as very
           healthy.
JOSH:      So you‟re saying the real Sabrina is just like you?
MORGAN:    Just like me. Anything else I can get for you?
JOSH:      A bucket.


                                                                      (CUT TO)


           INT. SPELLMAN LIVING ROOM


ZELDA:     The Mesozoic Era was…
SABRINA:   The third era of geological time including the Triassic,
           Jurassic, and Cretaceous periods.
ZELDA:     Excellent.
HARVEY:    The early bird…
SABRINA:   Catches the worm.
HILDA:     Chilly today…
SABRINA:   Hot tamale.
ZELDA:     Sabrina, I think you‟ve got your substance back.
           Now, you just have to be able to use it to get your life
           in order. How are you feeling, honey?
SABRINA:   Everything‟s starting to make sense again. Except
           for one thing, why is Salem wearing a tube top?
SALEM:     It provides support where I need it most.


                                                                      (CUT TO)


           EXT. SPELLMAN PORCH


                                                                      (DOOR OPENS/
                                                                      CLOSES)
                                                                     SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                              Page 18



SABRINA:   Hey, thanks for figuring out there was something
           wrong and knowing where to take me. I owe you
           one.
HARVEY:    How about zapping me back my old car. I don‟t want
           Morgan to like me for my Turbo Carrera.
SABRINA:   No problem.
                                                                    (SFX: MAGICAL
                                                                    PING)
SABRINA:   There. Your eighty-six Toyota Corolla.
HARVEY:    Think you could pop out the dent?
SABRINA:   You got it.


                                                                    (MUSICAL BRIDGE)


           INT. BULLPEN


SABRINA:   Hey, Josh, I‟m glad you‟re here. I‟m sure you‟ve
           been wondering what‟s going on with me.
JOSH:      Me, me, me. You know, Morgan‟s right, you are
           turning into her.
SABRINA:   Josh.
MIKE:      Hey, lover boy. We‟re getting started. Front and
           center.
CONNIE:    How about a piece on vermin in restaurants?
MIKE:      Hey, I don‟t know, you see one man‟s vermin is
           another man‟s stir-fry. What else do we got?
SABRINA:   Excuse me, I don‟t mean to interrupt, but I have an
           idea for a story.
CONNIE:    I don‟t know how you can top, “Guys „N Thighs.”
SABRINA:   Look, I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday.
           I had a really weird virus, that for some reason, made
           me act like a total airhead. And who would want to
           publish stories written by a airhead?
MIKE:      We wouldn‟t.
                                                                     SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                              Page 19



SABRINA:   And you shouldn‟t. I just want you to know that the
           person you saw yesterday wasn‟t the real me. I take
           my job very seriously and I appreciate the
           opportunity to be around professionals like you, even
           if it‟s just to get your coffee.
MIKE:      Very well spoken. I‟ll tell you what, if you can write
           half as well as you can apologize, there may be hope
           for you yet. Now, what‟s this idea you have?
SABRINA:   Well, it‟s not exactly a college article, but it‟s
           something that‟s been on my mind. The three
           branches of government: is our system of checks
           and balances really working?
MIKE:      I love that. And if U.S. News hadn‟t just done it, I‟m
           sure yours would have been much better.
SABRINA:   I‟ve gotta myself to a magazine rack.


                                                                    (MUSICAL BRIDGE)


           INT. BULLPEN – LATER


JOSH:      Hey.
SABRINA:   Hey.
JOSH:      That was quite a little speech you made to the staff.
SABRINA:   Oh, well, I was hoping one specific staff member
           would find it in his heart to forgive me.
MIKE:      Yeah, Mike said you‟re back on his A-list.
SABRINA:   You know what I mean.
JOSH:      Well, you do seem to be over your princess phase.
SABRINA:   Josh, I‟m sorry I was so stupid. I never meant to
           break up with you.
JOSH:      Yeah, well, I guess everybody does stupid things
           now and then. Did I ever tell you about the time I
           ordered sushi at a truck stop?
SABRINA:   I was with you. I drove you to the emergency room.
                                                                      SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                               Page 20



JOSH:      Yeah, real crab my eye.
SABRINA:   Josh, can we forget about the fish? I think you were
           about to forgive me.
JOSH:      I do forgive you. But please, promise me, if you ever
           get one of these weird viruses again, you‟ll call in
           sick.
SABRINA:   I promise.
JOSH:      Oh, one other thing. Never, ever call me Joshie.
SABRINA:   That could be a deal breaker. Or not.


                                                                     (MUSIC UP AND
                                                                     OUT)


           FADE IN:


           INT. SPELLMAN KITCHEN


HILDA:     Well, needlepoint has really helped me kick my
           knitting habit. I don‟t miss it at all.
SALEM:     I, on the other hand, am still owed a cod piece.
SABRINA:   And I‟m back to getting flooded with annoying e-
           mails. But, from now on, I‟m not gonna respond.
ZELDA:     It‟s a good idea. You never know when there might
           be an evil twin on the other end.
SABRINA:   That‟s one thing mortals don‟t have to deal with.
HILDA:     Oh the other hand, they can‟t make pudding on
           command.
                                                                     (FX: DISH OF
                                                                     PUDDING APPEARS)
SABRINA:   And, they can‟t use magic to teach their evil twins a
           lesson. I just sent Katrina a “Kill them with Kindness”
           spell.


                                                                     (CUT TO)
                                                                      SABRINA TEE 0128
                                                                               Page 21



                       INT. OTHER REALM PRISON CELL


KATRINA:               Jezebelda, you‟re the smart one. You‟re the
                       beautiful one.
JEZEBELDA:             Ah, you are too kind.
KATRINA:               I know. I‟ll get you for this, Sabrina.


                                                                     (CLOSING CREDITS
                                                                     OUT)


                                        * * * * THE END * * * *
Prepared by E.S.                                                     Printed in USA
Calvert Continuities                                                 Aired 1/18/02

				
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