The Barbie Tour of Atlanta A sociological insight into some of the stereotypes parading around the City of “Look at how much money I have!” BUCKHEAD BARBIE Don’t let the absence of a Tiffany tiara fool you: this barbie is a princess. Available at Phipps Plaza and at Lenox if you use valet. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, an SUV she can’t drive, and a long-haired foreign dog named “Baby.” Sold separately with an overpriced mansion that more closely resembles a castle than a house. Available with or without tummy tuck, face lift, and Botox injections. Angry, absent, workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version. Downtown BARBIE This recently-paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a low rider Chevy with dark tinted windows, and all the makings of a Meth Lab. Downtown Barbie is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untrace- able bills) ...unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you’re talking about. LIttLE fIvE poInts BARBIE Healthy and organic, this Barbie is made completely out of tofu. Long straight brown hair, arch- less feet, and Birkenstocks with white socks fail to distinguish her among all the other Little Five barbies scouring the aisles of Trader Joes. She prefers that you call her by her spiritual name, “Willow.” She will never apologize for her lack of make-up or the four inches of hair sprout- ing proudly from her armpits. This equal-rights enthu- siast is quick to tell you she does not want or need a Ken. Purchase the optional Subaru wagon and get your choice of a rainbow flag or Coexist bum- per sticker for free. MIDtown BARBIE This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convert- ible or Hummer H2, neither of which she can park. Also in- cluded is her own Starbucks cup, credit card and cell phone directly attached to her ear. Designer sunglasses come standard, and must be worn for both out- door and indoor play. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them. Or make any of them happy. AtLAntA sUBURBs BARBIE The modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford WindStar minivan and velour jumpsuit. Upon purchase of Suburbs Barbie, user must log on to website and schedule daily pilates classes. She gets lost eas- ily, except in the mall. Absent breadwinner husband, nanny for 2.5 kids and traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. AtLAntIC stAtIon BARBIE This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears trendy boutique outfits and drinks Cosmopolitans while entertain- ing friends at her over-priced loft. She’s contemplating getting a small dog, mostly so she doesn’t feel so alone. Atlantic Station Barbie doesn’t have a car, but she does rent a Barbie Zipcar from time to time. vIRgInIA HIgHLAnDs BARBIE You can’t dress her because she has her own style. That style is also directly related to the people she is hanging out with on any given day. VA-Hi Barbie can also walk to the bars from her tiny over-priced apartment, but never without her four-inch heels. VA-Hi Barbie comes with no cash, but Daddy’s credit card is available 24/7. Kens flock to her, mostly of the Ga-Tech variety. Pseudo “I don’t give a f*ck what you think attitude” sold separately.