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The of Atlanta

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					                                            The
           Barbie Tour
                   of Atlanta
A sociological insight into some of the stereotypes parading around the City of “Look at how much money I have!”
      BUCKHEAD BARBIE
Don’t let the absence of a Tiffany tiara fool you:
this barbie is a princess. Available at Phipps
Plaza and at Lenox if you use valet. She comes with
an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, an SUV she
can’t drive, and a long-haired foreign dog named
“Baby.” Sold separately with an overpriced mansion
that more closely resembles a castle than a house.
Available with or without tummy tuck, face lift, and
Botox injections. Angry, absent, workaholic
Ken sold only in conjunction with the
augmented version.
  Downtown BARBIE

This recently-paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm
handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a low rider Chevy
with dark tinted windows, and all the makings
of a Meth Lab. Downtown Barbie is only
available after dark and must be paid
for in cash (preferably small, untrace-
able bills) ...unless you are a cop, then we
don’t know what you’re talking about.
LIttLE fIvE poInts BARBIE


 Healthy and organic, this Barbie is made completely
 out of tofu. Long straight brown hair, arch-
 less feet, and Birkenstocks with white
 socks fail to distinguish her among all the
 other Little Five barbies scouring the aisles
 of Trader Joes. She prefers that you call her by her
 spiritual name, “Willow.” She will never apologize for
 her lack of make-up or the four inches of hair sprout-
 ing proudly from her armpits. This equal-rights enthu-
 siast is quick to tell you she does not want or
 need a Ken. Purchase the optional Subaru wagon
 and get your choice of a rainbow flag or Coexist bum-
 per sticker for free.
        MIDtown BARBIE
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convert-
ible or Hummer H2, neither of which she can park. Also in-
cluded is her own Starbucks cup, credit card and
cell phone directly attached to her ear. Designer
sunglasses come standard, and must be worn for both out-
door and indoor play. Also available for this set are Shallow
Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford
any of them. Or make any of them happy.
   AtLAntA sUBURBs BARBIE
The modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford
WindStar minivan and velour jumpsuit. Upon purchase
of Suburbs Barbie, user must log on to website
and schedule daily pilates classes. She gets lost eas-
ily, except in the mall. Absent breadwinner husband, nanny
for 2.5 kids and traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.
  AtLAntIC stAtIon BARBIE
This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears trendy
boutique outfits and drinks Cosmopolitans while entertain-
ing friends at her over-priced loft. She’s contemplating
getting a small dog, mostly so she doesn’t feel
so alone. Atlantic Station Barbie doesn’t have a car, but
she does rent a Barbie Zipcar from time to time.
  vIRgInIA HIgHLAnDs BARBIE
You can’t dress her because she has her own style. That style is
also directly related to the people she is hanging out with on
any given day. VA-Hi Barbie can also walk to the bars
from her tiny over-priced apartment, but never
without her four-inch heels. VA-Hi Barbie comes with
no cash, but Daddy’s credit card is available 24/7. Kens flock to
her, mostly of the Ga-Tech variety. Pseudo “I don’t give a
f*ck what you think attitude” sold separately.

				
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posted:4/15/2010
language:English
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