A Guide to making an annoying little “wanabe” rock band (such as McFly)
Are you young, reasonably good looking (i.e. not covered in spots)? Do you have some musical talent? And do you want to be famous, adored by teenage girls and stinking rich? If yes then this guide is all you need to fulfil these desires. Well first you need to find the other band members. Usually the band has two lead singer/guitarists, one bass guitarist and - this is optional - drummer. Which one are you? Your two lead singers of the band are very important, because without them you don’t really have a band. So first we will start with the main lead singer. Before you do anything else, he has to look the part. So do as I say and he will be turned into a teenage pop sensation. Hair - blonde and long, gelled down or long and gelled up. Both styles work fine. Facial features – none really, apart from a huge set of banana lips. Like this.
Clothing – The best sort of clothing to be worn by any member of the band are things like checked shirts, three quarter length jeans and skater shoes. Now that the first lead singer is looking the part he has to act and sound the part. One of the main things you need for your lead singer’s voice is a lithp: having the big lips come in very handy here. It is also good if he has a rather fruity voice and if it hasn’t broken yet even better. Finally he has got to be one of, if not “the", funny man of the group and it also helps if he is a little bit full of himself. So that’s him out of the way: you now have your first lead singer. Now it is time to get your other lead singer. Once again this member of the band has to look good. This is essential. In fact this is
even more important than his musical talent because you can’t really hear the song for girls screaming their squeaky little voices off. Hair – usually long and brown or about the same length of dyed blonde hair spiked up. Facial features – No distinguishing features are greatly required. But a huge set of slug eyebrows do look very good on this member of the band. Like this.
Clothing – another good addition to this member’s attire could be a hooded top under a blazer jacket, but remember this is optional. Once he fits the description above he needs to have these characteristics. His voice: it should be quite low and gravelly and if he isn’t able to reach the high notes even better. So really he doesn’t need much of a singing voice at all. Also it helps if he is the “hunk” of the group. He doesn’t have to be very full of himself at all, unlike the other lead singer. Actually it helps if he is very quiet. Ok, so there’s both your lead singers taken care of. The next member of the band that you need is the bass guitarist. Much like the other members of the band he has to look good. So follow these very simple guidelines and he’ll be a teenage heart throb in no time. Hair – Longish, brown hair, blonde streaks are optional. Also it helps if the hair is swept across the face at a slight angle. Like this one.
Clothing – the same as the two lead singers. Facial features – none are required. Now he needs the characteristics of a bass guitarist. Don’t worry this isn’t very hard because he really doesn’t do all that much. Quite like this band member.
Firstly for his singing voice: he doesn’t need one; he could actually be a mute because like the band member above all he does is stand at the back and pluck the bass. His role in the band is best as the shy one or he could take up the role of the “most mocked” member of the band. Right, so that’s him out of the way. See I told it wasn’t very hard. Now, this next member is completely optional (because Busted made it without one). Yes you guessed it. It’s the drummer! This is even easier than the bassist: his looks really don’t matter that much since he is stuck behind a drum kit. But he does suit looking like a bit of an idiot. His characteristics once again don’t matter that much because as I have already said he is stuck behind the drum kit most of the time, but if you do choose a drummer, he is best suited with the role of “most mocked” member of the band. Ok, now that you and the rest of the band and members are looking and sounding great, you need a band strategy. Simply read on and you will be ready to conquer the world. (Or just the UK: most of the time your band won’t make it that far, or you will make an attempt and fail miserably) Right, your band has to have a debut album: don’t worry this is usually all done for you, all you have to do is sing the songs and take all the credit. The album should contain mostly fun happy songs that little girls can jump about to and think they are really crazy rockers!!!! But it should also contain at least one slow song that is played with acoustic guitars. This should be released as a single and sung wearing black suits with a shirt and tie and it should also become the band’s anthem.
Right, so that is the first album out of the way, you are doing great if you have made this far without either disappearing off the face of the earth or splitting up due to “musical differences.” So now it is time for the second album. Once again this is easy. It is mostly all done for you, but if you want you can add some songs written by the group. It helps during the reign of this album if you release a charity single for Comic Relief or a sound track for a movie. This gets even more publicity. So that’s means, it’s quids-in for you and the boys If all that is a success, your time has come to try and break America! I can’t really help you on this one because no other band has made it this far, apart from Busted but no one really knew what happened with them. Apart from those sad acts that watched, “Breaking America with Busted.” Right, so now the band is either getting old and no longer sounding like cute little 16 year olds or some other band singing the same sort of music has come along and is stealing all the limelight from you. What do you do? Well I will tell you: you split up, that’s what you do. Before you split up you have to release another slow song to get all the little sobby girls queuing up to get the last ever single with their tear-filled eyes. Then once that is all over, the members of the band have to come back with their new bands. This really only works for the two lead singers. The main lead singer should wait a few years before coming back with a really stupid hair style and a band with a name like “Set of Dorks.” He should play the same sort of music as he did in the old band. But the other lead singer should come back pretty quickly (about just under 1 year) with a band named some thing like “Fight Sun”; this band should be a huge step up in the rock world with the lead singer screaming out lyrics that no one can understand. Then this band should just disappear off the face of the earth, while “Set of Dorks” go through it all again! It’s a vicious cycle!!!!! Now there you go. A guide to becoming an annoying little wannabe rock band such as “McFly”. So go out and get your three (or four) cute little musicians and get cracking. Become part of the most talked about pop sensation for about 2 years before they are moved on in the music world. But don’t worry: think of how much money you could make! Enough to last you about 3-4 years, before you have to go back to saying, “Would you like fries with that?”