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Hollywood Ball photos
ASA President weds

The better date: ninjas or pirates?
Opinion piece - Civil Unions Bill

                                      Issue 12, 2004. ISSN: 11735183
                           getting to know me
                               editor s note        Something is missing. Sure, the writing isn’t
                                                    bad, a call for student contributors to be
                                                                                                     writers based in Auckland, we’re going to see
                                                                                                     more of these kinds of folk. How that applies
                                                    published in a nation-wide forum is bound to     to the students of Otago, I don’t really know.
                                                    see some reasonably smart cookies get their
                                                    typing on. Why they offer money to College       Ultimately, the special ingredient - that
                                                    Herald contributors and “prize draw entry”       makes student media so engaging, refreshing
                                                    to Fuse contributors, is beyond me. Editor       and entertaining – went missing somewhere.
                                                    Paola Ghirelli probably writes the interviews    Is it love? Irreverence? Maybe. Students are
                                                    and articles found without bylines, and these    smarter and more critical than Joe Herald-
                                                    are reasonable. She’s also selecting content     reader. That’s why they feel the Herald
                                                    that fits the market. Good.                       doesn’t have so much to offer them. They
                                                                                                     don’t want a reflection of the six o’clock
                                                    But some of the content in Fuse isn’t            news, they need an alternative. After all,
                                                    likely to be igniting anyone with its lack of    how do you stick it to the man, if you are
                                                    intelligence. An article on recently elected     the man?
                                                    AUSA President Greg Langton completely
                                                    glossed over the most intriguing aspect, his     What they certainly don’t want is a tertiary
                                                    membership to the Evangelical Union club at      Tearaway. And that’s what Fuse is at present.
                                                                                                     It’s aimed too low. It’s patronising. It’s overly
Yeah, right,                                        the university and students’ reaction to this.
                                                    Apparently he plans to “take the ego out of      sanitised. I’ve no doubt it will improve, but at
                                                    politics”, but don’t just take his word for it   the moment it’d be a big call to give Fuse a
whatever                                            with a simple story. What’s his opinion on the   passing grade. They’re back on September 16
                                                    beer-drenched activities of the End of Daze      after a nice little mid-semester break. Reports
                                                    festival?                                        usually read “must try harder”, but in this
Bahahahahahahaha!                                                                                    case, perhaps “must not try too hard” would
                                                    Many student magazines, with a strong-left       be more fitting.
That was my initial, subdued reaction to the        wing bias, would admittedly jump down
first three issues of Fuse, the Herald’s new         his throat over the EU membership. While                               Dan
student supplement on Thursdays.                    the slightly less judgemental approach was
                                                    refreshing, that’s no excuse for a complete
Superficial and somewhat condescending,              lack of depth. One student columnist, Stefan
this attempt at reaching the “yoof” market is       Taber, offered Scrubs as his
a poor one at best.                                 pick of the viewing on the box.
                                                    Please, old news. Maybe that
But they’re trying.                                 would have been interesting a
                                                    year ago. Is this the best guy
The design motif has a web-savvy,                   they could find to offer his
technological feel to it. There’s certainly a lot   “picks”?
of information; briefs on the sideline, “what’s
on” columns, a lot of photos. This is all           Let’s have more off-centre
very well, we need our information quickly,         opinions, analysis and critique,
succinctly, and nicely segmented. Not that          and less fawning.
the infotainment slant of current media is a
good thing. This feels like the print version of    And a few of the characters
TV2’s lame Flipside. Perhaps they could hire        getting the fawning treatment
presenters and actors to write articles, let’s      are the staff of Auckland’s
really make this news interesting!                  95bFM. Both creative director
                                                    Wallace Chapman and news/
Off hand, check the website, and laugh at the       editorial    director    Noelle
ridiculous attempts to relate to students. One      McCarthy have featured in
page is headed up “yeah, right, whatever”.          the first three issues. Is this a
Excuse me while I gag. We’re not 15. On             series on 95bFM’s everyday
another page, the sponsors are termed “sugar        staff members? Heck, I work
daddies”. Wow, gee, Fuse, I really feel like        in student-based media too
we’re on the same level, we use the same            – how about an article on
“lingo” and whatnot. At least they’re not           me? Admittedly, that would
sponsored by McDonalds, but we can only             be less interesting, but it’d be
hope.                                               a change. With the main paid
         4-5                    Satellite News

         6-7                    Ball photos - best dressed
                                Have your say
         8-9                    News Articles

       10-11                    The better date: Pirates or Ninja’s
                                Lil’ bits of humour

       12-13                    Feature - Paselode

                                Interview: Couple Research
          14                    Whats On Campus
                                Advice from the Gym Guru
          15                    Classifieds

       16-17                    Student News
                                Voxpops - The truth is out there

       18-19                    President gets married                                                Hollywood
                                Ninja Turtles vs Boy Bands
                                John Butler Trio                                                       Ball 2004
       20-21                    Book / Music / Movie Reviews
                                Contributors welcome

       22-23                    Letters to the Editor
                                Opinion Piece - Civil Unions Bill

      Editorial policy
      Satellite will aim to provide a forum for the free exchange of ideas, opinions and
      information for all students and inform students of ASA activities. Editorial staff will
      attempt to present balanced coverage of all news and issues covered. While Satellite will
      work to discourage blatant prejudice and discrimination, Satellite will promote healthy

      Pornographic images will not be considered for publication. Contributions are
      encouraged. Contributions may be edited or abridged and will be accepted at the
      discretion of the e

      Letters to the editor are encouraged. Letters are published at the editor’s discretion. All
                                                                                                          editor          satel
                                                                                                                                   Dan Trevarthen
      letters should be no more than 200 words and may be edited, abridged or discarded.
      Letters will not be published unless the writer provides contact details and their full
      name. ASA staff and members of the executive are entitled to immediate right of reply.
      Letters are considered property of Satellite. Sections not intended for publication should
                                                                                                    technical ed.                Vanessa
                                                                                                                                 Vane Evetts
      be clearly labeled
      Pseudonyms are acceptable when furnished. Satellite staff will ensure confidentiality                                 Private Bag 102 904
      from other ASA st
                                                                                                                       North Shore Mail Centre
      Complaints                                                                                                                     Auckland
      Complaints over the appropriateness of material appearing in Satellite should be directed
      in writing to the editor. If the complainant is unsatisfied with the response, a complaint
                                                                                                              Ph: 09 4439740, Fax: 09 4439745
      may be made to the Press Council c/o the Secretary: PO Box 10-879, The Terrace,

      Wellington. Phone 04 473 5220 or view website at                                     website:

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i          ISSUE ELEVEN : 2004 - ISSN: 11735182                                                                       Contact: Martin Mustoe
 satellite news
National News                                       and transport properties in nanostructures.
                                                                                                         The Friday night show is at Eden’s Bar from
Massey open day                                                                                          9pm, price $7. The Saturday afternoon show
                                                    The Massey University Supervisor medal has
On Saturday 11 September, Massey will be                                                                 is at the Kings Arms, 1pm-6pm, price $5.
                                                    been awarded to Professor Kerry Chamberlain,
holding an open day for the public and year                                                              The Saturday evening show is also at the
                                                    from the School of Psychology, who receives a
13 students to visit the campus and check                                                                Kings Arms, starting 9pm, $10. The Sunday
                                                    $10,000 grant. Dr Chamberlain has supervised
out its facilities. The open day will feature                                                            afternoon show is at the Kings Arms starting at
                                                    14 PhD and more than 60 Masters and Honours
a performance by Misfits of Science among                                                                 1pm, $5. Around 23 bands will play the festival
                                                    students and is committed to good supervision,
others.                                                                                                  including Sparkle Motion, If I had a Gun, the
                                                    quality research practice and collegial activity
                                                    to improve postgraduate performance. Dr              Rabble, Fifth Threat, the Bleeders, Foamy
Thirty students are required to be available                                                             Ed, We Dunno and the Managers. Check the
                                                    Chamberlain is himself a leading researcher in
to talk to the visitors about campus life and                                                            shows page on for more
                                                    the field of health psychology, including social
conduct tours. They will be paid in vouchers                                                             information.
                                                    and cultural influences on health and illness.
(music, book or petrol) and free lunch on the
day.                                                                                                     Vodafone Music award nominees announced
                                                    Orientation performers and bands wanted
                                                    Bands and performers wanting to be considered        The Recording Industry Association of New
Massey Research Medal winners                                                                            Zealand has announced its nominees for the
                                                    for the 2005 orientation festival need get
Massey Research Medals, for outstanding                                                                  2004 Tui awards. The list appears to be an
                                                    cracking soon. The annual orientation booking
research contributions, are being awarded for                                                            amalgamation of critical acclaim, and album
                                                    conference, at which campus arts coordinators
the first time in 2004.                                                                                   sales, resulting in some strange nominee
                                                    collectively organise orientation acts, is
                                                    scheduled for November 3. Acts wishing to            choices. Dimmer’s You’ve Got to Hear the
The individual medal was awarded to                                                                      Music is nominated in the best rock album
                                                    be considered need to pay an application fee
Professor David Parry, Head of the Institute                                                             category, when it would appear to be nothing
                                                    of $10, fill out an application form (available
of Fundamental Sciences. Professor Parry                                                                 of the sort. The other nominees in that category
                                                    from students’ associations, b.Net stations and
will receive a research grant of $20,000. The                                                            are Elemenop and Goodshirt, leaving the
                                           and hand in a media
medal recognises his outstanding contribution                                                            “rock” category decidedly unrocking.
                                                    kit. Applications and inquiries can be directed
as one of the world’s leading authorities on
                                                    to Paul Kean at
fibrous proteins, including connective tissue,                                                            Three technical awards have already been
                                                    or on 03 364 2652.
muscle and intermediate filaments from diverse                                                            announced. Best Album Cover Tui goes to
sources, especially those present in hair.                                                               Ben Sciascia for Supergroove’s Postage,
                                                    Model for a day
                                                    NZ Runway is putting on a lame “model for a          Best Engineer Tui goes to Chris van de Geer
The team medal was awarded to the Allan                                                                  for Carly Binding’s Passenger and the Best
                                                    day” event and is calling for members of the
Wilson Centre for Molecular Ecology and                                                                  Producer award goes to P-Money for Scribe’s
                                                    public to audition on Sunday 12 September at
Evolution. The Massey members of the CoRE,                                                               The Crusader.
                                                    135 Halsey St, at the former Alinghi Cup base,
hosted by the Institute of Fundamental Sciences
                                                    between 4.00pm and 6.30pm.
and Institute of Molecular Biosciences, are                                                              The music nominees are:
Professors Mike Hendy and David Penny,                                                                   Album of the year: Brooke Fraser – What
                                                    “We are excited to be opening the casting up
Professor David Lambert and Associate                                                                    To Do With Daylight, Dimmer – You’ve Got
                                                    to the public and are inviting anyone who
Professor Peter Lockhart. The Massey staff                                                               To Hear The Music, Goodshirt – Fiji Baby,
                                                    thinks they have ‘what it takes’ to come down
will share a research grant of $25,000. The                                                              Phoenix Foundation – Horsepower, Scribe
                                                    and audition- no experience is necessary just
team’s nomination was based on their success                                                             – The Crusader.
                                                    confidence and attitude” says NZ Runway
in securing $17 million in Government                                                                    Single of the year: Brooke Fraser – Lifeline,
                                                    organiser Charleen Oliver.
Centre of Research Excellence funding.                                                                   Dimmer – Getting What You Give,
                                                    Casting will involve a brief interview and           Goldenhorse – Maybe Tomorrow, Goodshirt
Early Career medals have been awarded to Dr                                                              – Buck It Up, Scribe – Stand Up.
                                                    a walk down the catwalk for a panel of the
Jeroen Douwes and Dr Ulrich Zuelicke who                                                                 Best group: Dimmer – You’ve Got To Hear
                                                    industries best and guest celebrity judges.
each receive a $10,000 grant. Dr Douwes was                                                              The Music, Elemeno P – Love & Disrespect,
recently appointed Associate Director of the                                                             Goodshirt – Fiji Baby.
                                                    Those selected will get to experience the
Centre for Public Health Research. He leads                                                              Breakthrough artist of the year: Adeaze
                                                    lifestyle of a fashion model and strut their stuff
the asthma research programme, investing                                                                 – Always And For Real, Brooke Fraser – What
                                                    on NZ Runway’s Diet Coke Art Arena.
non-allergic mechanisms for asthma, the role                                                             To Do With Daylight, Minuit – The 88.
of microbial exposures, asthma in farming                                                                Best male solo artist: Greg Johnson – Here
                                                    Models will show designer street wear, be
families and the potential protective effects of                                                         Comes The Caviar, Nathan Haines – Squire
                                                    styled by top hair and make-up artists and rub
exposure to endotoxins. Dr Ulrich Zuelicke,                                                              For Hire, Scribe – The Crusader.
                                                    shoulders with leading designers.
from the Institute of Fundamental Sciences,                                                              Best female solo artist: Bic Runga – Live In
already has international validation for his work                                                        Concert, Brooke Fraser – What To Do With
                                                    Auckland Underground Festival 2004
on the theory of functional nanostructures. He                                                           Daylight, Hayley Westenra – Pure.
                                                    A great lineup of hardcore, punk rock and ska
is currently researching the interplay between                                                           Songwriter of the year: Brooke Fraser
                                                    bands is set to play Auckland on the weekend
quantum effects, such as tunnelling and wave-                                                            – Lifeline, Greg Johnson – Save Yourself,
                                                    of October 1-3. Punters can pay on the door at
like behaviour and their affect on ultra small                                                           Scribe, P-Money, Con Psy & Savage – Not
                                                    each show or purchase a festival pass for $20.
transistors and wires in determining electronic
Many – The Remix!                                Mr Tanczos says the youth MPs showed a good             Hundreds of people have flocked to Te Huot’s
Highest selling New Zealand album: Bic Runga     understanding of the issues both for and against        house after he claimed his 10-year-old pet Knou
– Beautiful Collision, Hayley Westenra – Pure,   raising the drinking age. A strong sense of             gave birth to a single grey kitten. The owner
Scribe – The Crusader.                           fairness underlaid the decision.                        said a forest monk who had visited him had told
Highest selling New Zealand single: Ben                                                                  him that the dog had mated with a tiger.
Lummis – They Can’t Take That Away,              “It is simply unjust to be punishing 18 and
Blindspott – Phlex, Scribe – Stand Up.           19 year-olds for the binge drinking behaviour           Locals arrived at the home in Chhbar Ampou, a
Best rock album: Dimmer – You’ve Got To Hear     of their younger siblings,” says Mr Tanczos.            small village outside Phnom Penh, with incense
The Music, Elemeno P – Love & Disrespect,                                                                to burn and donations for the dog and the tiny
Goodshirt – Fiji Baby.                           “The focus should be on the real problems,              kitten. Te Huot claims the birth is “a sign from
Best urban/hip hop album: King Kapisi – 2nd      which are retailers failing to uphold the law           the gods”.
Round Testament, Mareko – White Sunday,          by checking identification, and the widespread
Scribe – The Crusader.                           targeting of young people in liquor advertising.        According to Deutsche Presse-Agentur reports
Best dance/electronica album: Concord Dawn                                                               he says: “This animal cries like a cat, and its
– Uprising, Salmonella Dub – One Drop East,      “It’s obvious that 18 and 19 year-olds are              face is like a cat, but its feet are bigger than a
Shapeshifter – Riddim Wise LP.                   being made scapegoats for the failings                  cat’s and look more like a dog’s feet.”
Best music video: Chris Graham – Stand Up        of this parliament to make sure that
(Scribe), Gary Sullivan – Getting What You       the current law is properly enforced.                   An unnamed visitor was quoted as saying: “I
Give (Dimmer), Mark Trethewey & Shane                                                                    only went to see what it looked like, but when
Mason – Fools Love (Misfits Of Science).          “Our youth MPs have realised this. It’s about           the owner told me I had to pray to the dog, I left.
People’s choice award: Brooke Fraser, Elemeno    time that our Parliament, having created the            I don’t believe him that this kitten came from
P, Goodshirt, Scribe, Steriogram, Zed.           Youth Parliament, did the same,” says Mr                his dog.”
Best jazz album: Charmaine Ford – Blues For      Tanczos.
                                                                                                         It is the second time in the dog’s life that she has
Guppy, The Frank Gibson Quartet – Rainbow
                                                 International News                                      given birth - she previously produced normal
Bridge, The Rodger Fox Big Band – A Rare
                                                                                                         canine puppies – source:
Connection.                                      Sex-starved chimp spits, binges on ciggies
Best Maori album: Ruia – Hawaiki, Hirini         A sex-starved female chimp at a zoo in central
Melbourne, Richard Nunns and Aroha Yates-        China has taken to smoking and spitting on
Smith - Te Hekenga - a – rangi, Whirimako        visitors.
Black – Tangihaku.
Best Pacific music album: Adeaze – Always         Thirteen-year-old Feili appears sullen, sleeps            Nominations are open from:
And For Real, Te Vaka – Tutuki, The All Stars    all the time and ignores visitors except to pester
– Pele Ea.                                       them for cigarettes. She rushes to the front of
                                                 her cage and becomes anxious and impatient
                                                                                                          9 a.m. Monday 6 September to 5
Best classical album: John Psathas – Psathas:
Fragments, New Zealand String Quartet            when her requests for a cigarette are ignored,              p.m. Friday 10 September
– Szekely / Dvorak, NZSO – David Farquhar:       reports, quoting Shanghai Daily.
Three Symphonies.
                                                 It is thought she started smoking after seeing her
                                                                                                              For election to the Albany
Best gospel/Christian album: Magnify – In
Wonder, Parachute Band – Glorious, Peter Posa
                                                 keeper having a cigarette break. She has become           Students’ Association Inc. 2005
                                                 such a keen smoker that she spits on guests who               Executive Committee.
– My Pick.
                                                 fail to offer her a cigarette or a light.
International achievement award: Bic Runga,
Hayley Westenra, Scribe.                                                                                    The following positions are
                                                 A boy who witnessed Feili spitting at the
Lifetime achievement award and airplay record
                                                 Zhengzhou Zoo, in Henan Province, says: “A                open and nomination forms are
of the year will be announced on the night.
                                                 tourist threw a cigarette butt to just outside the
                                                 cage, she tried to get the butt with a stick.”
                                                                                                         available through the Association’s
Nandor: Lessons to be learnt from youth                                                                  Atrium Office or by contacting the
parliament New Zealand’s politicians should      Zoo director Lui Bing claims the chimpanzee
take note of a Youth Parliament vote, which                                                                Administration Vice-President
                                                 has turned from “a gentle girl” to a “shrew”
overwhelmingly rejected raising the drinking     because her “husband” - now 41 years old - was
age to 20 years old, Green MP Nandor Tanczos     unable “to meet her sexual demands”.
                                                 It is reported that all efforts by the authorities to
 Youth MPs voted against raising the drinking    find another partner for her have been rejected
                                                                                                          Administration Vice-President;
age, against raising the driving age and voted   by the chimpanzee, who has ended up venting               Education & Welfare Vice-
for reducing the age of majority to 18 years.    her frustration on tourists.                                      President;
“MPs are very good at talking about young        Mr Bing says: “Feili smokes because of
                                                                                                               Cultural Officer;
people, but not very good at talking to young    curiosity rather than addiction, and she learned           Post-Graduate Students’
people, never mind listening to them,” says      how to spit from badly-behaved visitors.                       Representative;
Mr Tanczos, the Green Party’s Youth Affairs      She is a real problem for the zoo.” – source:
                                                                                                               Women’ Students’
                                                                                                              Representative; and
“Youth Parliament is a chance for                Dog “gives birth to kitten”                               Four (4) Student Executive
MPs to take notice of what at least              A Cambodian man claims his pet dog has given
some young people have to say.”                  birth to a kitten.                                                  Officers
hollywood ball 2004
Red carpet, Satellite style
Hollywood Ball Blog                                                                                                                              winner
By Dan Trevarthen

I’ve been half-dressed all day, but it’s time to get a move on. I drag myself away from a particularly lame
episode of Survivor and hop in the car. Sing loudly in the car to songs about girls and stuff. I never have
much petrol in the tank as I’m crossing the bridge, so I pray that I don’t run out and have to push. That
would be embarrassing, and dangerous.

Arrive at Satellite office, pick up camera. I see Johann walking past, he doesn’t look ready, but I bet that
guy is always ready for a party. He probably changes in phone booths. I put on my jacket and tie in the
office, check my hair. Yup, it’s still afro. The second-hand suit; the tight, somewhat ill-fitting shirt; the
blue polka-dotted tie; baby blue chucks. I’m wearing quite a lot of blue. I don’t know what Hollywood
personality I’m supposed to be. Perhaps an At the Drive In member out on the town? I’ll just say I’m
the Strokes drummer, I decide. That guy does go out with the beautiful Drew Barrymore, a Hollywood
figure. It’s a tenuous link but that’s ok. I daydream about Miss Barrymore for a little while before
focusing on the task at hand.

I’m at the Hollywood Ball, there’s decorations everywhere, I’m greeted by some smartly dressed people
at the front door. There’s not much of a big crowd inside yet, they’re obviously all at pre-parties drinking
still. Despite the presence of a bar and alcohol right here in the building, some traditions never die. I
order a Lion Red like the good Waiuku man that I am.
My mission for the night: to blend in to the Hollywood Ball. Seamlessly. To infiltrate the ranks of
students and get the inside gossip. I’m not doing a very good job. Damn this photo I have in the front of
                                           the magazine, people recognise me. I kinda look like a student
                                           though, with my five o’clock shadow and messy hair. Possibly
                                           a fashion student, I do look quite good.
                                           I scope out the floor. I amuse myself by spotting the first year
                                           students. They’re easy to pick - they’re first to the dancefloor
                                           and start getting down without a hint of irony about their
                                           moves. They’re sure as hell excited about a ball you can
                                           actually drink at. They are kinda hot though. One guy with an
                                           afro wig asks me where I got mine from. Haha, funny. From my
                                           Dad. Back to my Lion Red.

                               satellite’s BEST DRESSED         come to Satellite office to collect prize.
                                           The place is getting busy, the dancefloor is cranking. A troupe of fifties-themed dancers show up to bust a move,
                                           I think I’m falling in love with one of them. I ponder joining a dance class, but dismiss the plan as flawed since I
                                           have two left feet. A quick costume change later and they’re dressed up as dancers from some other era. In between
                                           routines, Sports rep Joe busts some breakdancing. Awesome, I like breakdancing, go Joe. I meet a few random
                                           students who give me props on the magazine. I hold some sort of coherent dialogue, it’s nice being at a ball without
                                           being horribly drunk, or all lovey-dovey for some girl. That doesn’t stop me from saying inane things. I ask one
                                           person, “so you study at Massey?” Don’t mind me, the worst is yet to come. While asking vox-pops, I ask one
                                           girl if she’s hoping to score. It feels like a perfectly legitimate journalistic question but she looks at me funny. She
                                           points to her rounded belly. I feel silly. Congratulations. People really are more open to vox-pops tonight, that’s
                                           because they know they’re looking good and they don’t mind a little photo. The ball is totally a night of photos,
                                           memories. Rakeesh is wearing Knight armour, which is fantastic. Knights aren’t very Hollywood - I love it when
                                           people wear crazy stuff.

                                           Dinner time. I eat some buttered chicken and chat to a girl who’s eating from a plate of cake and bread buns. It’s a
                                           strange combination. She asks me not to write about her. I lie. Her name is Michelle and she’s wearing a red dress.
                                           The cake is good, I scoff down some, scull an orange juice and pay my regards. I rush off to other parties and
                                           pretend that there’s nothing unusual about my attire. End blog.
  Define it for yourself
By Melanie Shaw

Bright and early one morning, right here on
campus around 7am, which is an insane time
                                                      convincingly challenged us as individuals to ask
                                                      ourselves what success is and what it means to          To find out more about Alastair and ‘Stand Up
for students to be at uni, a bunch of business-       us personally.                                          & Shout’ got to
minded people and students came together
to find out one man’s view on success and              Believe in yourself then go and live your               If you wish to find out more about the
motivation.                                           dreams. Most people are too afraid to go out            Business Student Group and the events we
                                                      there and live their lives to the full. Perhaps         bring you to enhance your university career
Alastair Ferguson, best selling author of Stand       because of this, 97% of people are either dead          please contact us at h.m.hunter@paradise.n
Up and Shout, a book about Kiwi people and            or dead broke by the time they are 65 years old.
their success, discussed his philosophy on            Only 1% will be wealthy. Fear is what often
achieving your dreams. His talk, titled ‘change,      stops people achieving their dreams. “People            Sources: Change, Perception and Success
perception and success’, was hosted on campus         say they want the change but are too afraid             presentation, August 10. The Oxford Study
by the Business Student Group. The event on           to make the change”, says Ferguson. They                Dictionary Thesaurus, 1997, p. 396, Oxford
Tuesday August 10 at 7.15am was motivating            blame life and make excuses in people or in             University Press Australia.
and inspiring to all those who attended. Well         their life circumstances. “It is not the events
worth getting out of bed early for.                   that happen in your life it is how you perceive
                                                      them,” he says. You can always learn from your
Success is a significant factor in life. We all        experience to make it positive. “Don’t lack the
think about it at some point and we all want          courage to live your life”.
it. The Oxford dictionary defines success
as “a person or thing that does well”. These          One of Ferguson’s final messages, a necessary
days however, it is society that is defining our       way to view life, was that “there is no such
success and whether or not we have done well.         thing as failure. To fail is to just have a different
Society is telling us how to live our lives and       outcome to the one you expected”.
how to measure our success. Tuesday’s talk            “Have the courage to turn your dreams in to
presented a different point of view. Ferguson         memories”.

 Of tussock grass and
By Rob Colhoun

As I struggle to settle in to a regular study habit
                                                        Judy Bailey
                                                      prevent anal rash. Later when European settlers         no longer fashionable.
for my upcoming mid terms I often become              arrived in New Zealand they not only used the
somewhat overwhelmed by the smaller things            tussock as a herbal medicine but also as a side         Suddenly I wake from my day dream lying
in life. Whilst reading about wild inflation           dish to their favourite meals. Herman Davies,           surrounded by tussock grass, with two police
rates in Istanbul I become intoxicated with           a lawyer of Scottish descent, began the famous          officers standing over me. In writing this article
the enjoyment that such knowledge can bring,          Winterbottom Tussock Fields in the Hawkes               I realise the power that day dreaming has over
however the real tickler is the day dreams in         Bay where over 46 acres of tussock grew.                ones semi-conscious body, I also realise that my
between.                                              The grass was then disbursed throughout New             fetish for tussock has lead police to believe I
                                                      Zealand and exported back to Europe where               had involvement with the recent tussock drug
As a uni student we all have exams, we                shoelaces were made from the fine fibre found             dealing bust. On this note I will make this
therefore all have to study, with this also comes     within the tussock.                                     statement: “Whilst tussock was a great herbal
mid study day dreams. Vivid fantasies that can                                                                medicine, a fine side dish, and also a romantic
create dramatic encounters your brain never           Today tussock no longer serves much purpose             back drop to a moonlit picnic, the use of tussock
knew it could produce. As I often study by a          as a herbal medicine, nor do its sweet and sour         as a recreational drug is disgraceful and I have
window looking over the nice green pastures of        aromas fill the air of the modern New Zealand            never used it for such purposes”.
Kaukapkpa it is not uncommon for me to over           kitchen. However, tussock still remains close to
speculate or fantasise about the wonders of the       many kiwis hearts. I managed to catch up with           Unfortunately I am left to plead my case with
tussock grass. Once used as a herbal medicine         one “Judy Bailey” to discuss her passion for the        the federal state police. So I leave you with
by the native Maoris, the tussock grass is an         once-treasured tussock grass.                           these messages, don’t smoke the tussock, and
icon of New Zealand.                                                                                          ask yourself, where is that day dream taking
                                                      “To me tussock still epitomises New Zealand             you?
The name “Tussock” comes from the great Ngai          culture.” Judy was however reluctant to
Tahu chief Tai Kapa. It was Kapa who originally       answer when asked whether she thought it was
discovered the medical use that tussock had to        disappointing that the tussocks medical use was
Select Committee: $7 billion student
    debt ‘significant’ but not that
By Matthew Smith, Salient
The committee considering the 30,000
strong NZUSA petition for a universal
student allowance and lower parental income
                                                     the committee for failing to communicate to
                                                     the Government any of their “significant”
                                                     concerns about the effects of the student loan
                                                                                                         select committee review of student allowances,
                                                                                                         which similarly made no recommendations to
thresholds have made their report, with no           and allowance scheme.
recommendations to Parliament. The one page                                                              NZUSA’s next attempt is a case before the
report says the issues raised were “significant”,     Green Party Education spokesperson Nandor           Human Rights Commission that the student
but declined to act on NZUSA’s submission to         Tanczos calls the report “very minimalist”          loan scheme discriminates against women, who
set up a Student Debt Commission to investigate      and says it is “indicative of how Parliament        take longer to pay off their loans - and thus pay
the long-term effects of student borrowing.          has refused to engage with the issues around        more interest - due to lower earning capabilities
                                                     student debt.”                                      and time taken for raising children. Crown Law
“We heard oral evidence from the petitioners                                                             opinion issued last month says the system is not
and were interested in their submission. We          The Chair of the committee, NZ First MP Brian       sexist. It says “a loan scheme under which the
considered the issues raised and while we            Donnelly, says he cannot comment on the report      real cost of borrowing does not increase, due to
believe the petitioners’ concerns are significant,    without consulting with the other members of        the interest write-offs at the end of each income
we have no specific matters to bring to the           the committee.                                      year for those on low (or no) incomes, cannot
attention of the House.”                                                                                 be disadvantaging anyone” – story courtesy of
                                                     It is NZUSA’s second failed attempt to              ASPA.
NZUSA Co-President Fleur Fitzsimons says the         convince this government to revisit loans and
report is “really disappointing”, and criticises     allowances for students. In 2001 there was a

A cafe without a name is a cafe
By Johnny Fletcher
Does the main campus café need a name? Why
                                             without love
yes, of course. Without a name, this place has
no identity. As I sit here, enjoying my latté like
                                                     into these things not knowing what someone is,
                                                     you’re in trouble. I’m telling you.
                                                                                                         Any of these names would suit the main campus
                                                                                                         café really well. I shall be expecting a change
                                                                                                         soon and that I’ll be suitably reimbursed for my
the Jafa I am, I feel strangely lacking. Perhaps     Getting back to the real issue at hand - the love   name advocacy. I want some more changes too.
that’s the aim of not having a name – nobody         - let’s talk about the café some more. We’re        These are.
will be totally alienated. But I still don’t get     students, so surely the place could have a name
it. This is our place of meeting, communing,         that reflects this fact. Here are some names I       - Beer in the café
eating, procrastinating, all that stuff. Where is    thought of for the café.                            - Dancing bears
the love? Where is it? I looked everywhere…                                                              - Bikini girls
under the sofa, behind the TV, nothing. No love.     - The Tertiary Tuck Shop                            - Free massages (not dodgy ones, just for when
Where is the love, Absolute Catering? Where?         - The Student Snack Bar                             you’re stressed)
Perhaps it can be found on the TV. Reality TV,       - Massey Café                                       - Free pies
that is. I watched Outback Jack last night, and      - Chocklit Shoppe                                   - Rock bands
Natalie is definitely hot. Does anybody watch         - Sand Bar                                          - Rock slides
these things? The Bachelor, perhaps? The             - The Loaded Hog                                    - Ski field
concept for these programs is actually loosely       - Left Field                                        - Internet
based on an average day in my life. One super        - Rototos                                           - Sky TV
hot guy is being pursued by about 20 even            - Awesome Albany Café                               - Spa pool
more hot girls. He has to beat them off with a       - Borders                                           - Dinosaurs
stick, he macks about half of them. Radness.         - Whitcoulls                                        - Bouncy castle
There’s Something About Miriam on the other          - Muffin Break                                       - Monkey waiters
hand, that thing is sick, and not in the, “that’s    - Rideline                                          - Uniforms for the monkey waiters
siiiiiiiiiiiick”, way. Imagine if it happened to     - The Nudie Run                                     - Jukebox
you. It’s bad enough if a girl that’s actually a     - Shadows
guy doesn’t tell you, it’s about ten times worse     - Circus Animal                                     It will make me happy when these changes
if they do it on national television. You can’t      - The Meeting Place                                 are put in place. Until then, I’m planning on
just pretend it didn’t happen and not tell anyone,   - The Café                                          having a tantrum. Tantrums are great stress
because they’re all watching! It loosely reminds     - Absolute Caferiing                                releases. Have one today. Do it. The café needs
me of the time that I macked Britney Spears and      - Grover                                            to change! Make the changes! Make them!
she didn’t tell me that she was a republican. I      - Vodafone                                          MAKE! THEM! MAKE THEM! (do it)
mean, nothing against republicans, but if you go                                                                                                    09
The better date
          Ninja’s or Pirates?
Would you rather date a pirate or a ninja?                    Pirate: pirates don’t have good manners. It’s nothing          though they’re a little rough round the edges. Pirates
                                                              personal, it’s just one of those things. So if you can get     do this too. They can get lucky and look totally
Pirates and ninjas can be compared like any other             over the fact that a pirate is going to be rude to you,        macking sometimes but the odds aren’t really with
species, in the game of love. The phrase, let the better      then that’s totally sweet. I haven’t actually seen too         them. Rating: 6/10
man/woman win, inevitably applies. Let’s rank them            many girl pirates, but let’s just presume they’re the
at various tasks/characteristics and see.                     same as dude pirates except maybe less misogynistic.           Money/workplace opportunities
                                                              The big exception to the manners thing is if the pirate        Ninja: these guys don’t always hold down steady
Making dinner                                                 you’re trying to mack is a captain. Pirate captains,           jobs, because they’ll contract their killing skills to all
Ninja: ninjas are amazing with swords, you can bet            like Captain Hook, usually have really good manners.           sorts of big businessmen who want to kill other big
they’d be slicing, dicing, all sorts of stuff. They’re also   They’d probably say “please walk on to the plank”,             businessmen. They probably make a fair bit of bling,
perfectionists, which is a skill they’ve acquired from        which is quite nice, really. Rating: 4/10                      but I don’t think they do it for the money. They do it
many years perfecting the art of killing. This can be                                                                        for the money and because it’s in their nature to flip
readily applied to cooking. Not only can they catch a         Dress sense                                                    out and kill people. Ninjas are totally professional, so
turkey, rabbit, or whatever animal you want to eat, by        Ninja: black is always in. Let’s face it. Some ninjas          you’d imagine the have some good job satisfaction.
hand, they do it with ease. I bet if you threw a tomato       even wear hip labels, but only labels made by                  Rating: 6/10
in the air a ninja could cut it into like, a million slices   companies that they killed the boss of. It’s kinda like
before it hit the ground. If you went out with a ninja        a trophy cabinet, right there on your person. Your             Pirate: pirates usually work under a captain. You
they’d probably be into hip Asian food like sushi. That       average ninja isn’t too much into personal expression          might say there’s high staff “turnover” on a pirate
stuff is so hot right now. Dinner table conversation          through dress, because they only wear black ninja              ship. That is to say, people are always getting killed.
isn’t so hot, as Ninjas don’t actually have the ability to    suits and they never take off their masks. Girl ninjas         If they live long enough to do some decent pillaging,
talk. Rating: 7/10                                            wear eyeliner so you can tell that they are girls. Even        they’ll probably be rolling in it. They may also be
                                                              if they’re not going to be taking any risks, a ninja will      horribly disfigured from their battles, but they always
Pirate: pirates are also pretty good with swords, but         never embarrass you with what they’re wearing. Cool            seem to put their all into their work, even if they seem
maybe not as precise. They know how to serve a good           and classy, solid and dependable. Rating: 9/10                 to be lacking in skill. Pirates, all in all, are pretty good
beverage with dinner as drinking alcohol is one of                                                                           at garnering booty, whichever way you want to take
their main talents. Often pirates go to talent shows          Pirate: they’re like that crazy guy/gal in your                the word. Rating: 8/10
with just a bottle of Coruba. Then they get up on stage       class that always wears those funky earrings and
and scull the thing back in like five seconds. Then they       wacky pants or skirt. They have to be a total label            Personality
dance. Pirates are notorious for having bad diets. They       basher too, but labels that don’t even go together.            Ninja: as a rule, ninjas aren’t actually allowed
don’t even know the meaning of vegetables, so you             Maybe sometimes it seems like they’re ridiculously             personalities. But then general vibe you’ll get from
might end up with scurvy if you just relied on a pirate       colour blind, or possibly on crack, but it’s just their        them is that they’re cool, calm and prepared for
making dinner for you. Rating: 5/10                           extravagant personality. Pirates get their clothes by          anything. If you ever need to break up with a ninja
                                                              plundering rich people, then they wear all the items           they probably wouldn’t even get angry but they might
Manners                                                       at once. The beautiful admirals hat, with the pinstripe        flip out and upper cut you in kind of a calm fashion.
Ninja: ninjas have quite good manners. They are very          pants, with the gold earrings, with the purple boots           Rating: 3/10
much the strong silent type, but they have this honour        plundered from Princess Alexandria, with the frilly
code and stuff, which means they’re not allowed to            shirt, with the corset stolen from some hottie. It’s all a     Pirate: these guys have tonnes of personality. It’s their
mack on other ninjas’ girls or guys. They could flip out       little bit crazy! – but it’s just the average dress style in   strong point, they’re crazy, they’ve travelled the seven
and kill you at any time, which isn’t very polite, but        piratedom. In this way they’re kinda like gangsters of         seas (you might say they’re somewhat cultured), they
they’d kill you with honour, which is kind of polite.         today and how they wear all their jewellery at once,           love a good night on the town, they love to laugh. A
Rating: 8/10                                                  as an expression of the fact that they’re macking, even        good summation of their approach to life can pretty
                              The better date: Ninja’s or Pirates continued
much be found in the lyrics to the pirate song: “yo, ho,       Pirate/ninja compatibility test.                        c) says “can I have some more chips?”
ho and a bottle of rum.” Rating: 9/10
                                                               The waiter drops a spoon. You would like it if your     A neighbours cat sneaks into your house, your
Loyalty/fidelity                                                date:                                                   preferred date would:
Ninja: will be totally loyal to you, it comes down to
that whole honour thing. Just make sure you don’t              a) flipped out and uppercutted the waiter                a) feel a natural affinity with the beast’s agility and
dishonour them! Because if you do they’d probably                                                                      skill, pick it up and swiftly deposit it in a safe place
cut down a tree so it fell on your house. Rating: 5/10         b) pocketed the spoon, it is silver, after all          out of sight

Pirate: these guys are treacherous, no two ways about          c) says, “haha, we use those things for starting our    b) steal its shiny collar
it. Dating a pirate is like dating a powderkeg! You            cars on Melmac!”
never know when it’s gonna go off! They’re always                                                                      c) eat it
away on long journeys and that whole raping and                You’re watching TV, you want to change the
pillaging thing probably won’t sit well with most              channel, your preferred date would:                     If you answered mostly “a”, then your preferred
girlfriends and boyfriends. If you’re into this whole                                                                  date is a ninja. If you answered mostly “b”, your
“commitment” deal, I probably wouldn’t go out with             a) say nothing, chop off your hand when you try to      preferred date is a magpie, or maybe a pirate. If
a pirate. Rating: 0/10                                         change the channel                                      you answered mostly “c”, your preferred date is
                                                                                                                       ALF, from the hit 80s TV show “ALF”.
The verdict:                                                   b) try to change the channel by throwing their glass
                                                               of rum at the TV
Ninja – 38 points, Pirate – 32 points

  M   C   N   O   J   V   G   D   B   R   U   D   X   Z    D    N   I   S   U   S   V   I   B    T
  C   U   E   O   V   N   X   E   S   E   M   A   S   C    R    D   O   W   U   A   U   I   R    N                         AMANTE
  I   Q   I   L   I   K   C   G   O   V   A   W   M   O    I    M   R   I   N   Q   A   P   I    U                         AWARDS
  S   Y   N   D   E   T   F   R   L   O   X   A   R   I    B    P   B   D   S   T   F   P   R    Z                         BIATHLON

  L   T   D   W   A   B   A   E   W   L   P   R   W   R    G    Y   A   L   H   S   S   I   S    O                         BRUNSWICK
                                                                                                         time waster

  E   E   R   G   B   T   R   C   A   I   E   D   Z   T    N    L   P   L   U   P   A   S   K    S                         CELEBRATIONS
  W   X   G   A   S   J   S   A   I   D   N   S   M   R    I    S   O   F   O   W   U   P   E    L                         NORTH HARBOUR STADIUM
  R   Q   J   E   V   V   E   R   T   L   S   F   P   E    M    N   H   T   E   C   R   R   B    L                         DECLARATION

  R   G   G   F   Z   E   J   Z   U   I   P   X   M   L    M    H   Z   W   C   W   I   L   T    A                                             SAME SEX
                                                                                                                           EYE BALL
  I   B   Z   M   B   G   L   K   K   O   O   M   U   T    U    U   V   E   C   F   A   D   N    B                         FIRES
  U   U   K   U   K   U   N   M   H   K   B   N   I   U    H    D   S   N   Q   N   Y   A   W    E                                        SURREPTITIOUS
  N   O   I   T   A   R   A   L   C   E   D   R   S   B    W    S   L   D   O   N   T   G   O    Y                                              SUCCESS
                                                                                                                           HUMMING BIRD
  Y   E   D   O   L   E   S   A   P   Q   H   M   A   N    G    Y   X   I   C   I   P   M   L    E                                              SWALLOW
  S   U   R   R   E   P   T   I   T   I   O   U   S   H    R    M   T   S   V   N   W   P   L    X                         INTERNATIONAL
  T   S   E   M   P   L   O   Y   M   E   N   T   M   O    H    A   K   E   U   J   F   T   A    R                         ISLE
  U   A   M   U   S   K   A   P   A   S   Z   H   S   J    N    T   T   R   C   A   B   O   W    R                         JOHN BUTLER TRIO
  V   N   R   W   R   B   T   C   X   H   H   S   O   R    W    R   R   G   M   T   R   P   S    R                         LOVER
  K   T   B   E   C   G   H   O   D   O   I   R   E   L    E    V   L   O   V   U   U   I   P    M                                              VOX POP

  F   I   Y   D   L   R   H   I   R   M   V   T   E   E    L    K   Q   C   N   R   N   C   D    O                         MUSKA
  R   V   R   A   L   O   H   B   O   T   N   S   S   K    H    Y   I   L   I   T   S   A   B    E                         NATIVE TREES
  A   M   A   N   T   E   M   R   P   I   U   D   F   J    K    S   W   A   U   L   W   L   X    C                         NINJA TURTLES
  G   N   I   V   O   R   P   H   U   P   H   R   F   U    S    V   F   O   B   E   I   A   Q    Q                         PASELODE
  S   W   F   Y   X   D   A   V   M   Y   D   D   E   S    E    D   G   D   O   S   C   O   F    T                         PASSION
  M   I   N   O   L   T   A   B   U   M   A   A   B   X    O    I   P   W   D   D   K   M   V    M                         PROMISSORY                                    11
an interview with
By Dan Trevarthen                                       somewhat         ridiculous
                                                        comparison. Although, like
Journalists always compare Paselode to Head Like        the quirky hip hop duo,
a Hole, and it’s driven bassist Nathan Hickey to set    Paselode are unconventional
the record straight. He tells the story of how the      if anything.
band got together.
                                                        That         unconventionality
“We actually saw an ad on and it said       extends to the recording
‘you have to be fucking good looking and we’ll get      of their debut album, The
someone else to write your songs, he says. “Our         Taming of the Wasps. The band
songs were actually written by Head Like a Hole”        renovated a former Church for
                                                        a friend who was turning it
It’s a relief to have one of rock’s great mysteries     into a studio. “He paid for all
solved. The old question - why do Paselode              the materials and we built it,”
sound so much like HLAH? - has been answered.           says Hickey.
Because HLAH wrote their songs. Case closed.
Actually, the real story is that Hickey and guitarist   “Yeah,” says Mills, “we didn’t
Elan Mills, brother of Gerome, were in high school      have enough money for a
bands together before the rest of the group was         studio anyway, so we gave him
recruited. Gerome was the last to be picked up.         a little bit of money and a lot of
Hickey claims that Mother Mills inisisted Gerome        our time.”
be allowed to join the band if they were to keep
practicing in the family home.                          Hickey says there was a
                                                        conscious desire to get
Of course, like all musicians that get lumped into a    away from the super clean,
box, Paselode are sick of the HLAH comparison.          processed production of some
“I think it’s just lazy journalism. But they’re a       albums.
fucking awesome band,” says Hickey.
                                                        “We didn’t want a Linkin Park,
“If that’s what we get compared with over here          protools [sounding] album,
when we go overseas people are going to think           and that was one of the things
we’re completely fresh.”                                Murray Cammick was after
                                                        too. He said he just wanted us
Vocalist Gerome Mills, definitely the quieter of the     to sound like we were playing
two, chips in. “I was talking to Booga Beazley          live.

(HLAH singer) and he doesn’t think we sound
anything like HLAH.”                                    “Basically it’s just the five of
                                                        us playing exactly what we do live.                                    rs.     are confi
                                                                                                                in his answers. Both ar con dent and purposeful
Misguided media critique aside, the HLAH                                                                               r       ers,     h
                                                                                                                             wers, wheth they’re aiming to inform
                                                                                                                in their answers, whether the
reference comes up a lot because it’s fitting. The       This year Paselode have been doing just that                   ertain.          l apparent that Paselode do
                                                                                                                or entertain. It’s readily appa
Doors are another easy comparison, but the HLAH         - working the stage – embarking on a 20 date                    ust w           t    ar
                                                                                                                know just how good they are. Hickey just like to
tag resounds more. Both bands rock hard, playing        national tour. This scribe is unfortunate enough               round e allegation w jokes.
                                                                                                                skirt around the alleg       with
sleazy takes on a retro sound, although it wasn’t       to have missed them, but listening to the CD,
quite as retro in HLAH’s heyday. They both hail         it’s obvious the shows would have been riotous                ally
                                                                                                                      a              st     f
                                                                                                                “Basically we’re just five fucking good looking
from Wellington and signed up with Murray               affairs.                                                     who            re
                                                                                                                                    rea go
                                                                                                                guys who wrote a really good debut album and
Cammick’s Wildside records.                                                                                                          hoo     it.
                                                                                                                people are getting a hold of i “But we’re capable
                                                        And this is how the Paselode reputation has spread.           ot      e than
                                                                                                                of a lot more than we’ve done to date,” says
They admit they’re fans of Head Like a Hole, but if     Rip it Up described the band as “the best live act           y.
you take Hickey’s word for it, their role models are    in the country”, and student radio programme
                                                        directors caught wind, adding the singles to                           h attentio H
                                                                                                                               he a nti
                                                                                                                                   attention. Hickey is particularly
                                                                                                                They love the attenti
                                                        high rotate. Student radio stations, often a good       interest      n Satellite
                                                                                                                        ted in Satellite’s de  esk copy of another
                                                        indication of hipster cred, have made Paselode a                t      azine that reviewed Taming of the
                                                                                                                student magazine tha revi
                                                        champion band. Like many bands on the b.Net,                                            ive
                                                                                                                Wasps. “I dare anyone to gi us a bad review,”
                                                        they talk like they don’t care what people think.               es.      bound t happen
                                                                                                                                  o ndd
                                                                                                                he states. It’s bound to happ at some point, but
                                                        Maybe that’s true about other acts, but in this case           w       ’r appi
                                                                                                                               ’re lappin
                                                                                                                                     ppi     up
                                                                                                                for now they’re lapping it up. Paselode joke about
                                                        it’s clearly a thinly-veiled farce. They claim to not           critical accla m without making it sound
                                                                                                                              al cclaim”
                                                                                                                               l cc
                                                                                                                their “critical acclaim” with
                                                        have realised they’re such a popular band.                      s me disease they’re
                                                                                                                               e dise se
                                                                                                                like it’s some disease they’r about to die from.
                                                                                                                        d           w it?     sure.
                                                                                                                Hot and they know it? For su But it didn’t come
                                                        “We had no idea that people were even playing                 ut
                                                                                                                withou some work.
                                                        our music because in Wellington at the time [we
                                                        released songs] the local b.Net wasn’t playing                 ll     rehearsed, Hickey says, “we’ve got
                                                                                                                “It’s all pre-rehearsed,” Hic
located left of that group. So who would Paselode       rock,” says Hickey.                                                   d itty
                                                                                                                       ves nd it otty
                                                                                                                set moves and witty on stage banter.”
like to emulate in the music world?
                                                        “I didn’t even think about it”, says Mills, “until we                 hey t th
                                                                                                                Mills adds they got t    their ““special moves” from
“Outkast,” says Hickey.                                 go out of town and people are like ‘yeah’.”                    ng              l
                                                                                                                watching 80s teen slasher m     movies. It sounds like
Outkast? Right.                                                                                                                 ettin
                                                                                                                      riter’s getting
                                                                                                                this writer’s getting a quick taste of the on-stage
                                                        The jury’s out on that one, but they certainly know                    nd mayb
                                                                                                                                 dm b
                                                                                                                banter now. And maybe the h     half-serious narcissism
“They’re doing stuff for hip hop that we almost         they’re hot now. Hickey constantly has tongue                        e t         that helped polish their live
                                                                                                                is one of the things th he
want to do for rock, pushing the boundaries,” he        firmly in cheek. Although his beard makes him                          y     grinnning li
                                                                                                                show. Hickey is grinning like a bastard: “we’ve
says.                                                   look something like a logger out of a rock and                g        rs
                                                                                                                             ors       p        r
                                                                                                                got big mirrors set up in our practice room.” He’s
                                                        roll context, he’s quite the charming artist. Mills,          ,      t                 an
                                                                                                                joking, but it wouldn’t be an immense surprise if
Mills is suitably disgusted with his bandmate’s         on the other hand, is quiet and much more serious             und ey    y
                                                                                                                you fou they actually did.  did
    couple research
In search of answers of how to make his love life work, intrepid Satellite
writer Dan Trevarthen speaks to PhD student Karen Du Plessis, who’s
been researching couples and their emotional bond.
                                                                                                    Campus   What’s on
                                                                                                        31st August – 6th September
What’s are you trying to find out in your research?                                               All public are welcome to attend the following events.
The emotional bond between people, their attachment and how that influences                            Unless stated otherwise Admission is FREE
their communication. We have been looking at it for from a couple’s perspective
but this [latest survey] is just looking at it from an individual perspective. I’ve
also been very interested in relationships and what makes them tick.                  Wed 8th       College of Sciences Research Seminar Series:
                                                                                      Sept          Innovation in the food industry – what chance for NZ?
With the wealth of relationship information out there – on talk shows, in
books and magazines – are we better informed today? I think the awareness                           Presenter -Ray Winger IFNHH.
                                                                                                    Time: 12-1pm. Venue: Rm OR5, Oteha Rohe Campus, Gate 4,
is what makes relationships better and it’s much better than it would have been
                                                                                                    Old Albany H’way.
50 years ago, with all the articles, self-help books and Dr Phil. And you can hear
                                                                                                    For details contact Gabi Schmidt-Adam 09 4140800 Extn 9860
them using the words, like “conflict resolution.”

Could that be a bad thing?                                                            Wed 8th       Chancellor’s Seminar Series: REFORGING
I think everyone’s trying to put pieces of the puzzle together. I think we’ll know    Sept          PARADISE – How to become a wealthy nation again,
much more about it [in the future]. There’s certainly been an explosion the last                    presented by Rod Oram.
few years… people are still going to be selective in what they’re going to pick                     New Zealands face major economic and social challenges. If
up, but if definitely gives us more choices. If there’s more conflicting things                       we succeed in facing these challenges we could become the first
out there, people have to figure it out for themselves. At the end of the day, it’s                  nation to earn a First world livingfrom its natural environment.
different folks for different strokes. I don’t think there’s an overload.
                                                                                                    Rod oram has 30 years experience as an international financial
                          Are people more open to talking about relationships
                                                                                                    journalist and was business columnist of the year in the 2000 and
                          these days?                                                               2004 Qantas Awards and 2001 Westpac Trust Awards.
                          I think people are still very private about what’s
                          happening in their relationships and that’s indicated in                  Time: 12 noon to 1pm. Venue: Study Centre Staff Lounge, Gate
                          the numbers. We’re not getting a lot of people. In New                    1, off Albany Expressway. Ph 09 4140800 extn 9228 or 9554 to
                          Zealand I think we’re still in that place where we don’t                  reserve your seat.
                          talk about things. It’s a process, I don’t think we’ve
                          caught up with the Americans, for example, but we’re
                          getting there.                                              Thurs         The Royal Society of NZ – North Shore Public
                                                                                      9th Sept
                                                                                                    Lecture - DNA & Polynesian Origins. Speaker:
                          What are you looking to find out?                                          Prof. David Penny, FRSNZ, Inst. Of molecular Biosciences
                          We’re looking to see that people that are securely                        & Allan Wilson Centre for Molecular Ecology & Evolution,
                          attached with a strong emotional bond are going to                        Massey University.
                          communicate in a way that’s congruent with that,                          Time: 7pm. Venue: Rm QA1, Quad A Bldg, Gate 1, off Albany
                          where people have a positive model of themselves and                      Expressway.
                          a positive model of the other person. If you are happy
                          with a relationship, the longer you’re in it, and it’s
                          likely the better you will become at communication.               SATURDAY 11TH SEPTEMBER, 11AM – 3PM
                                                                                                  ALBANY CAMPUS OPEN DAY
Do the student couples tend to tell you more?                                         Did you you know that there are 70 inspiring majors in
I’ve had 60 year olds that want to tell me lots more than the younger people.
                                                                                      your backyard?
                                                                                      Open Day activities include: -
So are you awesome at relationships now that you’re something of an
                                                                                                   Course study advice
expert? I wouldn’t say that I’m an expert. I’m definitely gaining greater                           College Activities, Displays & Academic Advice
insight.                                                                                           Mini Lectures & Seminars
                                                                                                   Science Displays
Why should people take part in your latest questionnaire for your                                  School of Aviation Helicopter Display
research? It’s interesting research in itself and people generally when they                       General Information
have answered the questions they think about it and it can definitely create                        Guided Tours
an awareness and once they’ve completed the questions they will be able to                         Competitions
[once the data is collated] see a summary and see how they fit into the group                       Tour the new Recreation Centre & participate in a programme
as a whole.                                                                                        of activities
                                                                                                   Board the shuttle bus to the Design School, the Student
Ms Du Plessis is looking for individuals in committed heterosexual                                 Accommodation Millennium Village & the College of Sciences
relationships, living together for 6 months or longer, to participate in an online                 Free concerts by student ensembles from the Jazz School and
questionnaire which will take about 30 minutes. Participation is voluntary and                     bands who were finalists in the North Shore Regional Coke
                                                                                                   Smokefree Rockquest Competition.
completely anonymous (the researcher receives only an emailed version of the
                                                                                                   Two feature concerts by ‘MISFITS OF SCIENCE’ &
questionnaire directly from the website and this
                                                                                                   ‘GROOVE HOUSE’
does not include any contact information).
                                                                                      Be in to Win a Laptop Computer Package valued at $2600
To participate go to:

Whether you participate or not, if you wish to receive an email summary of this                  For further details, please contact
study once it is completed you can email:                       Events Management, 09 4140800 ext. 9553/9228
nz with the subject line: Email me the Research Results.                                                                                                          14
          Advice from the
    Gym Guru                                          Conservation Volunteers Needed

                                                      Join “Friends of Three Streams & Kauri Grove
                                                      Inc” to participate in conservation of native
                                                      bush in Albany. Only $5 for a year. Check out
1.        Clothing:
          As fashionable as you think you are, the
          attire I have seen people wearing during
                                                                                                            Student Assistance
                                                      Purpose-driven life
          the first few weeks at the recreation        Book now to participate in a study group reading          Program
          centre has left a disturbing rash between   The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.
          my legs. It makes me giggle as guys         Cost is $15 & includes book & refreshments.
          provoke their pride to fit “everything”      Meetings will be in SC2, Wednesdays 12-1pm,           If you are struggling
          into their younger sister’s bike pants.     Aug 4, 11, 18, 25, Sept 8, 15, 22, & 29. Open
          If it’s tights you want, grab yourself      to entire Massey community! Register your            with funds while stud-
          a pair of lunch packing stubbies.           interest by emailing
          Just one word of warning, secure all        nz or phoning ext. 9224. Sponsored by Massey
                                                                                                             ying at Massey. SAP
          contents thoroughly before wearing.
          Unfortunately, current legal issues
                                                      Chaplaincy Services.
                                                                                                            provides a hardship
          prevent me from discussing certain
          girls lack of fashion sense in the gym
                                                      Is your car dented, scratched, has peeling or
                                                      faded paintwork?
                                                                                                                fund for you.
          however I will say that underarm hair is    Former panelbeater/spraypainter, now student,
          most popular in Paris.                      can tidy your car up for a cheap rate. Phone/text
                                                      Mike 021 040 3980                                    For more information

     2.   Accessories:
           As much as you think you need them,
                                                      Reading this?                                              contact :
                                                      So are others, Satellite classifieds are a free
          gloves are by no means a necessity, with    service provided for students. Email satellite@sa
          the following exceptions: a.) your name with your student ID number to place
          is Ryno or b.) Your favourite pastime       your ad today. Other interested parties can also          Josh Clark
          doesn’t coincide with callused hands. If    place classifieds at a nominal charge.
          you feel naked without your gloves, try                                                              Education &
          sweatbands. Don’t limit yourself to one
          either, at times of extreme perspiration
          I have been known to wear up to 5 at a
                                                      Classifieds                                                Welfare VP
                                                                                                               09 4439750
                                                      Write for Satellite you dirty pirate!
                                                      People that write for Satellite are awesome, and
                                                      by awesome, I mean totally sweet. We want your
     3.   Noise:
          Too often the sound of weights clanging     contributions. Get in touch with the editor, Dan.
          and G-unit freaking his freak on the        He’s super friendly and promises to be nice:
          radio are the only sounds within the or 09 443 9740. If you     or visit
          gym. Perhaps the new environment            don’t, robot tigers will maul you!
          of the rec centre has prevented people                                                                (look under
          from exerting themselves fully. I fully     Open deck nights at Evolution Bar.
          encourage grunting and groaning with        Open Decks have started, all levels welcome,                archives.)
          each repetition and a cry of disgust        come and have a spin and listen to some smooth
          when you can no longer                      house grooves. Contact Josh Clark josh_on_
Boost your bench press
                                                                                                               Need food???
                                                      i-Network volunteers wanted
During the last repetition in your last set, pay      ARE YOU:
attention to the point in the bench press where you   Keen to meet and help new international students?           Cash???
                                                      Full time in Sem 2 2004 and Sem 1 2005?
                                                      WOULD YOU LIKE:
                                                      Certificate for your CV, free leadership training,
                                                      $10 credit on photocopying, AND MORE? Get             Not getting student
                                                      your application at Massey Contact today!
b                                                                                                              allowance???
                                                      30 Students wanted for Open Day:
                                                      On Saturday 11 September, Massey will be
                                                      holding an open day for the public and year
                                                      13 students. It’ll be an exciting day with free
                                                                                                             S.A.P is for you!!
                                                      concerts, displays and introductory lectures
                                                      being offered to the visitors. We need students to
                                                      talk to the visitors about campus life, conduct
                                                      tours and generally be available to talk to people
                                                      Remuneration will be via vouchers (music, book
                                                      or petrol) and free lunch on the day.
                                                      Contact: Mike Orr

                               Be There:                 Canada
             Don’t miss out! Massey University’s student exchange
                      opportunities will take you there!
                      Contact - Rachel Fenton for details:
                                                           Kiwis Thinking Global

                       eta Bhavnani
                       nistration VP
                                                                          Women’s Festival on c
Hi Massey,                                               Dan Trevarthen speaks to Womens’                          it.”
                                                         Student Representative Meral Hassan
In July I attended a conference                          about the upcoming womens’ festival             Thursdays in Black doesn’t seem to have
where we were informed about                                                                             much of a profile. In my opinion, it’s never
the effects of rape on our society.                      What do you aim to see at the womens’           taken off. Why do you think that is?
This opened my eyes to a different                       festival?                                       “Probably not that great promotion. Of course,
world all together. I live with my parents and when
they say not going out at night, I just accepted it.     “Basically a good turnout of people and         the whole thing is that it’s just showing that it
Being from a passive culture where young adults          basically to get people to become more          just increases peoples’ awareness and it shows
don’t question their elder’s authorities, I never had    aware of it – the womens’ festival – and        how many people support it.”
to think about why I am being restricted, but now        issues surrounding it. And just for everyone
I understand. I am being protected from a nightlife      to come along and celebrate it.”                Is there anything else you want to add?
where rape and violence might occur.                                                                     Yes, just that one in three women get raped.
The conference equipped me with arguments                How do you think it’ll compare to last
like the fact that 90% of those who rape are             year’s?                                         The womens’ festival events:
close friends or family members. My family was           “Hopefully it’s going to be better, we’ve got
horrified to know this, but that did not cover the        it for three days and we’ve got more things     Wednesday, September 15
fact that 1 out of 3 women and 1 out of 6 are raped      going on. It’s just basically taking a step     - Debate. Moot: males are less advantaged to
in New Zealand. These stats make me want to stay         back and realising just the issues and stuff    women, about 12.30pm outside Atrium
at home and not meet anyone, but living in fear is       that women go through and celebrating and       - BBQ at 1pm
not called living. We should be able to walk out at      enjoying being a woman.”                        - Self defence class for women (men also
night and not be afraid of being raped. We should                                                        welcome) in Recreation Centre, 1-3pm
be able to wear what we are comfortable in and           What issues are you focusing on?
know we will be safe.                                    “We’re not really focusing on the issues but    Thursday, September 16
I realise that this is a sensitive and difficult topic    we just want people to have a really good       - Jewellery selling in front of Atrium
for some but it is an important one for all. ASA         time. All the events include both men and       - Henna tattoos
is committed to show that they will not tolerate         women.”                                         - Cultural performance
rape and violence in this society by wearing black                                                       - Speaker from Womens’ Refuge, 12pm in
on Thursdays. You too can show that you will             What are the key issues?                        Roundroom.
not tolerate rape and violence in your society by           -    lower pay rates – it takes twice as     - Promotion of Thursdays in Black
joining us in wearing black on Thursdays. A single               long to pay back loans, have to         - Possible jazz band in front of Atrium
person may not be able to change a lot but as a                  have kids and the interest adds on.
society we can change it all. So the next time you          -    wearing black on Thursday – “to         Friday, September 17
see someone on a Thursday, ask them “Why aren’t                  make people aware of rape and           - Womens’ soccer game, 2.30pm in Recreation
you in black today?”                                             violence in the community. To           Centre – gifts for winners
                                                                 show we’re aware of it and we’re        - Evolution Bar in evening - Karaoke night.
For more information on rape and domestic                        not going to be afraid. If it’s an      Theme: wearing black.
violence, you can call 303 3939 or visit the website             issue that’s more out there we’re       Thursdays in Black t-shirts and singlets cost                                            focusing on it and not neglecting       $15-$25

                       thursdays in black
 The truth is out there
                                           VOX POPS

1   What is your favourite vege and why?
                                                                Craig, client services at
                                                                 Recreation Centre, 29

2   How would you tell your parents that
    you got two Ds at uni?
                                                          1. Carrots, because they’re easy to eat on
                                                                                             the run.
                                                                                2. They’d expect it.

3   What’s the best thing about spring?                                            3. Spring skiing.
                                                                 4. Yes, because I have gay friends.
                                                          5. A water feature/waterfall/fountain, full

4   Civil Unions Bill – yay or nay?                                                          of beer.
                                                                                           6. Speed.

5   What would you do to spice up our
    sparse Atrium area?
                                                                                Catwoman, financial economics
6   If ballroom dancing became an
    Olympic sport, which banned
    substance do you reckon would help
                                                                                1. Marrow, because it’s a good scratching post
                                                                                2. N/A
                                                                                3. Cats on heat.
    their performance the most?                                                 4. No, because I’m a bitch and I say so.
                                                                                5. Animal superhero fighting contests using whips.
                                                                                6. Catnip.

                                  Lawrence, 1st year BBS, 21
                                  1. I don’t like veges.
                                  2. Would tell them I didn’t do very well,
                                  but will do better next semester
                                  3. Sunshine!
                                  4. Yes, because many Asian students come
                                  here and live together and isn’t recognised
                                  by our parents. It will cause lots of
                                  5. Music and bands, market day.
                                  6. No idea.

Jack, 2nd year BBS, 33
1. Pak Choy, any Chinese vege, I like
                                                                                 Thanh, 2nd year Bachelor of
making soup with them.                                                           Accountancy, 24
2. I would tell my parents and say I did                                         1. Broccoli, because of vitamin C and iron
my best.                                                                         2. Tell them straight up, it would be my
3. Riding bicycles, sport.                                                       fault if I got a D.
4. Yes, because America’s done it, so we                                         3. Flowers, it puts me in a good mood,
should too.                                                                      birds singing.
5. I think it’s interesting enough.                                              4. How much do they have to pay? Not
6. Drink wine.                                                                   financially supporting as a student.
                                                                                 5. The Feng Shui’s all wrong.
  Voxpops collected by Satellite reporters Gemma Taylor and Josh Soo             6. Don’t know.
           M  ayne
     Nick resident
           gets married

Introducing Mr and Mrs Mayne

                 I was lucky enough to attend the wedding
                 as one of Nick and Lisa’s friends. It was a
                 beautifully intimate wedding. They are obvi-
                 ously very much in love and I wish them all
                 the best with their future, they are currently
                 honeymooning in Tonga.

                     and Boy Bands
More in common than you think.                              guest vigilantes and helpers. E.g. Casey Jones,
By Johnathan Hendry                                         April O’Neil. Boy bands confront the tough
                                                            issues in life like love and heart break, the Turtles
Here are some similarities that may disturb you to          confront Shredder and his evil minion’s. The Turtles
your very core.                                             are mutants. Their appearance was changed by a freak         within the sewer systems of New York. Boy bands
                                                            accident involving toxic ooze. Whereas boy bands have        are far more in your face. Posters up everywhere,
Every boy band has 4 or 5 members and a                     plastic surgery so their appearance has been change.         music video’s and singles seemingly blearing out
manager. There are 4 Turtles, Leonardo, Donatello,          Albeit voluntarily.                                          every 10 minutes.
Michelangelo and Raphael. Splinter is their manager.                                                                     Boy bands have stylists to make them look good.
Every boy band has a leader, a smart guy, a tough           The Turtles kick ass with karate. Boy bands kick ass         The Turtles know they look good. Plus they are far
guy and a party dude. If they have 5 members, the           through dance.                                               too busy fighting crime to be concerned with petty
fifth member makes up numbers, has strong gay                                                                             appearances.
tendencies and does not feature all that often.             So having read the similarities you will see why boy
                                                            bands have a certain degree of sustained success. But        But I think main and most important difference
Leader: Leonardo.                                           this is where the similarities stop.                         is boy bands suck and The Teenage Mutant Ninja
Smart Guy: Donatello.                                                                                                    Turtles do not.
Tough Guy: Raphael.                                         Boy bands strive for world domination through record         I feel that this is basis enough to logically draw the
Party DUUUDDEEE!!!!: Michelangelo.                          sales where as the Turtles strive to stop Krang and          conclusion that boy bands have been modelled on
Occasional Feature: Casey Jones.                            Shredder from achieving total world domination.              the same structure as the Ninja Turtles to aide there
                                                                                                                         success. So, once again, I Red have solved another
Boy band have guest vocalists, the Turtles have             The Turtles live in their secluded liar hidden deep          one of the worlds many great mysteries.

                                                                                                                         vibe and from the people who know us it’s always

 John Butler Trio                                                                                                        a warm welcome. “At the end of the day I want it
                                                                                                                         to be a good experience for me and I want it to be a
                                                                                                                         good experience for the people that watch.”

They’ve been tearing up the Australian airwaves             available locally here, it didn’t take off in our stores.    The band plan to travel to America on the back
with their single Zebra, and they’ve started to             The airplay support must give him higher hopes for their     of the new record and see how things go with
make some noise over here now. Dan Trevarthen               new album Sunrise Over Sea.                                  major label Capitol Records over there. And it’s
speaks to John Butler of the John Butler Trio.                                                                           an interesting place for the outspoken musician to
                                                            “I think it’s a just a new thing. We just don’t know each    be. He’s renowned for his social commentary, and
You’d expect the John Butler Trio to do well over           other very well. I definitely don’t expect to be more than    doesn’t pull the punches when asked for comment
here, considering our nation’s taste for like-minded        it is, but I just want to have a good time playing.”         on the US/Iraq situation.
artists such as Ben Harper and Jack Johnson. Perhaps
it’s something to do with geography; Australia              He was greeted by an enthusiastic crowd when he              “I think it’s a really sad story. I don’t think Saddam
and New Zealand seem to really dig rootsy singer-           performed in Wellington and Auckland earlier this year,      Hussein was a nice guy and I don’t think George
songwriters.                                                his second trip to New Zealand. The band’s live show         Bush is a nice guy… I wonder what happened to
                                                            sounds interesting, incorporating instruments as diverse     [Hussein]...
“I think there’s a bit of a resurgence of that kind of      as the banjo and marimba. Fans watching him can
music right now. It’s just coming back into vogue. I        always expect to get their money’s worth.                    “I think what he was doing; America’s been doing
don’t know if that’s the only reason people are in to it,                                                                it for years, getting rid of democratically elected
you guys just seem to be into it. I’m not playing this      “They can expect to be on their feet a while. Tell them to   governments because they were communist. It’s like
kind of music because it’s ‘in’. It’s just something I’ve   rest because it’s a two and a half hour show.”               a convention of dickheads. They’re all just screwing
always done.”                                                                                                            the place up.”
                                                            “It’s different when you’re playing to people who don’t
John Butler is excited about reaching a New Zealand         really know your music, but that’s kinda good because        But he won’t let the middle-east drama affect his
audience. “I really want to culture the relationship        they’re not expecting to hear one song but it’s a good       plans for his music.
between the band and the people over
here that like the music.”                                                                                                         “More people die in car crashes than
                                                                                                                                   plane crashes. When it’s your time it’s
Zebra, which went #1 in Australia, has                                                                                             your time. I’m not going to live in a
been on rotate on our airwaves and music                                                                                           bubble just cause there’s some dickhead
channels. He’s obviously happy to be                                                                                               fucking it up for everyone.”
breaking through to the big time. “It’s
been very cool. I’ve been surprised how                                                                                            The long absences are a catch 22 for the
big it’s been with Zebra going pretty big                                                                                          man.
and the album going number one.”
                                                                                                                                   “I’m into playing music, I love playing
“I’m pretty amazed because that kind of                                                                                            music live. I don’t like being away from
thing happens to someone else. I’ve been                                                                                           my family but I love playing music and
working for the past six years on this                                                                                             that’s why I’m here.”
thing so it wasn’t like ‘oh my God’, it’s
just a surprise when something happens                                                                                             “I just want to make some good music,
to you in such a big way.”                                                                                                         have some great gigs, see some sites and
                                                                                                                                   hang out with my family and have a good
Although their 2001 release Three was                                                                                              adventure.”
             satellite reviews
            satellite reviews
The Swallow and the                              and the Hummingbird is the book for you.
                                                 Personally, I won’t be touching it again
                                                                                                cry from the sanitation of pro-tools and
                                                                                                that’s a beautiful thing.
Hummingbird                                      with a six-foot pole.
                                                                                                And they’ve got the tunes to match the
By Santa Montefiore                                                                             bang-up job on production. Dirty Little
Reviewer: Erin Gallagher                                                                        Piggy is a highlight, as is the swinging
                                                 Paselode                                       Beeswax. Some of the songs, Country Song

                                                 Taming of the Wasps
                Rating: 1/5                                                                     being one of them, are great, but could do
                                                                                                with more of an updated feel for 2004,
You’d be hard-pressed to find a book more         Reviewer: Dan Trevarthen                       but that doesn’t mean this isn’t a killer
romantic novel-ish than The Swallow and
the Hummingbird. George returns home

                                                      e           Rating: 3/5
                                                                                                recording overall.

from war to Devon and his childhood
                                       ur                                                       Wasps are horrible beasts really, I’m glad
sweetheart, Rita. However, the war has           With all these nicely-
changed everything, so George leaves             dressed bands reviving
once more and travels to Argentina, of           New York garage
all places, to sort out his life, leaving Rita
                                                 rock, it’s nice to hear
patiently waiting once again for her one         Paselode      doing     a
true love to return to her. Fifteen years        decent revival of Kiwi
later George returns with a new outlook          rock. There’s more
on life – and a wife. He must decide if his      than a nod to the warm

decision to leave Rita was the right one,        sounds of the Doors.
while she must get over the George that no       Brittle, buzzsaw guitars
longer exists.                                   are out the door for
                                                 these guys in lieu of

Rita irritates me something chronic. I           a thicker tone, while
mean, sure, she just got dumped, but ten         keyboards are another
years later she’s still wallowing in self-       welcome         addition.
pity: “George had been the driving force         Keys are back, or
of her life. The air she breathed. The wind      maybe they never left
that enabled her to fly effortlessly like a       us. Regardless, they
bird.” Puh-lease. Get over it. No-one            bring another level of
likes a chick who wallows in self-pity           depth to the Paselode
anyway.                                          sound.

But if you look beyond the lovey-                Opener Dirty Little
dovey romanticism, the book is actually          Piggy is a swaggering
marginally funny. There’s a witch who            sloshbucket of rock.
has, like, ten trillion cats. I mean, how        Gerome Mills’ vocals
would she feed them all? If that’s not           are pure rock and
amusing, I don’t know what is.                   roll filth and there’s a
                                                 palpable air of sleaze
The Swallow and the Hummingbird deals            about the whole affair
largely with the conflict between desire          in general. It’s an obvious comparison,        Paselode have set about taming them with
and the Christian belief surrounding pre-        but former Wildside act Head Like a Hole       the power of rock and roll. Much like
marital sex. There are those who staunchly       immediately come to mind at first listen.       ninjas defeat pirates by wailing on their
believe in waiting for marriage and others                                                      guitars to Johnny B Goode, yellow and
who believe that “there’s nothing wrong          But what sets Taming of the Wasps apart        black insects are just as unlikely to stand
with making love as long as it is with           from other albums you’ll hear from our         up to the candour of Taming.

love.” Ironically, those who wait are the        fair shores is the glorious production. The
unluckiest in love.                              band recorded the album in a converted
                                                 church they renovated themselves. It was
If you’ve got the patience to handle             worth it - Taming has a rich, colourful feel
the tedious romantic description, or if          unmatched by many recordings. It’s a far
you’re in your seventies, The Swallow
Shrek 2
         satellite reviews
       satellite reviews
                                          Away” so that they may confer their
                                          blessing on them. The only problem is
                                          that the King (John Cleese) and Queen
Starring: the voices of Mike              (Julie Andrews) were expecting their
Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie                daughter and her Prince Charming -
Murphy, Antonio Banderas,                 not a pair of large, ugly green ogres.
John Cleese, Julie Andrews, and
Jennifer Saunders                         Far Far Away turns out to be the
Director: Andrew Adamson, Kelly           medieval equivalent of Hollywood
                                          complete with innumerable visual
Asbury and Conrad Vernon
                                          puns, while the power behind the throne
Reviewer: Alastair Radley                 turns out to be the much beloved Fairy
                                          Godmother (Jennifer Saunders). Shrek
                     Rating: 8/10         and the King don’t get on so the King
                                          hires an assassin to do away with his
              At the end of the first      new son-in-law who is in turn trying to          same thing. You repeat this process until
              movie, Shrek (Mike          prove to his Princess that he loves her.         one of you cocks up. Sometimes, there are

              Myers) and Princess                                                          two people on each side of the net. I kid

              Fiona (Cameron Diaz)        The dialogue is snappy, the CGI much             you not.
              found true happiness        improved from the previous instalment

              together and were           and some of the characters (Antonio              The meat of single player is a career mode
                                                                                           in which your ultimate goal is to rank

              to live happily ever        Banderas’ Puss-in Boots in particular)
              after     (as     ogres).                                                    number one. There are three matches in
                                          are extremely funny. The in-jokes are
                                                                                           each tournament, with around fifteen
              Shrek 2 opens with a        aplenty; the sound track features a huge
                                                                                           tournaments available all up. Basically, you
              fairytale book montage      range of artists including Nick Cave             can walk all over the first two opponents
              featuring a little more     and the Bad Seeds, Tom Waits, and                with the third being a little trickier. Once
              background as to why        musical numbers ably sung by Jennifer            you start climbing up the ladder, naturally,
              Princess Fiona was          Saunders as the fairy Godmother. It              things become a little harder. Not by much
              locked up in the castle     kept the attention of everyone in the            though. I had this game nailed during
              in the first place, and      audience from my four and half year              an assessment week. However, if you
              the quest by Prince         old upwards for just on an hour and a            consider the single player as training for
              Charming         (Rupert    half and is easily the funniest movie of         your multiplayer experiences, then you’re
              Everett) to rescue her                                                       doing well.
                                          the year. In a nutshell - a great big bag
              from the tallest tower      of popcorn full of fun and suitable for
                                                                                           Allow me to briefly retell the first chapter of
              of the castle across        all ages.                                        my multiplayer experience with Topspin.
              a moat of molten

              lava protected by                                                            Mate #1: What the hell did you buy a
                                          Topspin (Xbox)

              the dragon - only to                                                         tennis game for?
              discover that she isn’t     Reviewer: Daniel Cousins                         Yours truly: Sit down, shut up and play

              there but is instead on                                                      the damn game....
her honeymoon.                                            Rating: 8/10                     *Forward through time a number of hours
                                                                                           and just as many cases of beer.
                                          There is something that disturbs me greatly      All in unison: Best. Multiplayer Game.
Cue a series of funny home movie                                                           Ever!
moments of the happy couple, followed     in life. It is the inability to articulate my
                                          thoughts into word. Explaining the
by a return to the swamp and Donkey                                                        This game will provide you with a grand,
                                          excellence of this game to others is one
(Eddie Murphy). They’re not home          such instance of what is essentially the         although short, single player mode.
two minutes when there’s a knock          retardation of my mind.                          Don’t get me wrong there. It’s just that it
at the door and emissaries bearing                                                         will really shine when whipped out at a
an invitation from Fiona’s parents to     You hit a ball across a net, keeping it within   gathering. You will be swearing at each
visit them in the kingdom of “Far, Far    a box defined by white lines. The person on       other until the cows come home.
                                          the other side of the net does exactly the
 letters to to the
letters the editor editor                    A little confusion
Letter of the Issue                          Hi,
                                             How come you guys didn’t have any
It is disappointing to hear that satellite   photos of the ball? I think this was an
hasn’t got enough people to research         important event and deserves coverage.
on critical issues which the campus          I only just found out about it and I think
faces. But I strongly feel if you look       that is a shame because I would have
for guys who have got that essential         liked to have gone. will find them from inside         Cherie
the campus. Students of Albany                                                             WINnext issueWIN
should listen to the facts which Satellite   At the date of receiving your letter         Satellite has 2 more $25 KIT KAT
is speaking about.                           the ball has yet to actually take            gift hampers to give away courtesy of
                                             place. There have been two full-page
Thank you once again,                        adverts concerning the event - Dan           All you have to do is write a letter to the
Arun Abraham                                                                              editor. The editor’s choice will take away
                                             Revenge of the Nerds - yeah                  the prize.
Arun - come to the Satellite office to
collect your Kit Kat prize pack, or          baby
contact us on the details below.
                                             Dear Editor,
                                             I liked your 80s list. Except I think
                                             there should have been something
    Have your say, email                     from Revenge of the Nerds in there.                 It’s funny when they go on a panty raid.
                                             What else, I guess I just want to say
          09 443 9740                        good job, I think the magazine is funny
     or get on the forum                     and interesting so keep doing stuff and
                                             don’t let anyone put you down.
                                             The Shermanator

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                                                           Putting children before homosexuals
      Why gay couples should be prohibited from adopting children.
Nicholas P Keesing                                          and other sexually criminal behaviours in the gay          own interests and “rights” - not the childrens’ rights
                                                            community. This kind of abuse is corollary to the          - in their pursuit of the right to parent. In America,
                                                            etiology behind much homosexual behaviour. Auckland        recent court decisions (Florida) have recognised the
This      year,     several      bills     are    before
                                                            PHD student John Fenaughty says of the incidence of        fallacy behind such legislation. Proponents of same
parliament      which       will      allow    same-sex
                                                            homosexual offending as compared with heterosexuals;       sex parent rights cited studies as evidence that Florida
parent adoption. The Civil Union and Relationship
                                                                                                                       had no child welfare basis for excluding homosexuals
(statutory references) Bills propose a new type of
                                                            “Men who have sex with men may be at higher risk           from adopting. The court was not fooled, pointing out
relationship model for New Zealand. If successful,
                                                            for experiences of sexual coercion and rape compared       that “critiques have highlighted significant flaws in the
registered civil union couples will be granted
                                                            to straight men, because their gay male partners are       studies’ methodologies and conclusions, such as the use
recognition and relationship rights which are equal to
                                                            also men, and men (particularly partners, friends          of small, self-selected samples; reliance on self-report
those granted through marriage. For the first time ever,
                                                            and acquaintances) are by far the most common              instruments; politically driven hypotheses; and the
it will enable same-sex couples access to full legal
                                                            perpetrators of sexual coercion and rape. So like          use of unrepresentative study populations consisting
equality. The Care of Children bill, a curious piece of
                                                            heterosexual-identified women, men who have                 of disproportionately affluent, educated parents.”
legislation, recognises same-sex de facto partners as
                                                            sex with men are at high risk for sexual coercion          The court also found that the appellants failed to
legal parents. Adoption reform is also to be introduced
                                                            and rape solely because they have male sexual              recognize, that when addressing questions of adoption,
and is tied in with the above pieces of legislation.
                                                            partners. That isn’t to say that heterosexual women,       child welfare, and custody, the fundamental operating
Labour’s socialist agenda guarantees major problems.
                                                            or lesbians, do not rape and sexually assault their        principle is what is in the “best interests of the child.”
                                                            partners, because there are reports of both of these.      While not always successful in achieving this goal,
Public opinion A One News Colmar Brunton poll                                                                          the principle should never become the “best interests
                                                            However, the frequency with which these behaviours
has found the country is divided on these issues, not                                                                  of the adult.” Homosexual activists have consistently
                                                            are reported is MUCH lower than those reported by
surprising when you consider a significant proportion                                                                   tried to implement this subtle change, placing this
                                                            heterosexual women and gay men.” And additional
of NZ society holds moral codes at least loosely based                                                                 objective above even the best interests of children.
                                                            under-reporting occurs when heterosexual-identified
upon Christianity. Same-sex partnerships are viewed
                                                            men do not report such experiences for fear of being
with suspicion, as same sex couples cannot have
                                                            seen to be gay or bisexual. And gay and bisexual men
children. Many see the family unit, built around the
                                                            may also under-report for fear of police outing them,      Where is the truth? It is of course, difficult to
children, as unique, something to be treasured. This
                                                            and/or for fear of not being believed - but the chance     obtain valid data for the legislative process regarding
legislation deeply disturbs them. The poll asked one
                                                            of reporting that experience in our culture is very low.   same-sex relationships that is not based on either fear
thousand voters if they supported the Civil Union
                                                                                                                       driven dogma, or leftist social engineering. A NZ gay
(C.U.) bill, with 46% saying they do and 34% opposing
it. Finally, 16% said they support the C.U. bill, but
                                                            Kids rights or gays rights? Children are innocents,        website contained inaccurate generalisations and un-
                                                            not just the wards of their parents but also of society    researched conclusions similar to those so prevalent in
only for heterosexual couples. MP’s are likewise
                                                            and lawmakers. They require protection from a variety      the Christian hetero community; “Gay dads tend to be
divided on this issue. On 24 June Parliament voted
                                                            of influences and the law is duty bound to provide such     stricter disciplinarians but also allow kids considerable
66/50 on the first reading of the C.U. Bill. Then on
                                                            protection. It is the first and foremost consideration      cognitive independence. Children of lesbian mums had
29 June, Parliament voted 77/42 on the first reading of
                                                            of any family court processes. The Relationship and        excellent interpersonal skills in general, particularly
its companion legislation, the Relationship (Statutory

                                                            Care of Children bills foster the UN’s socialist agenda,   their sons, while their daughters grew up to be stroppy
References) Bill. Once through its second and final third
                                                            intent on removing the cultural and legal structures       independent women.” These are utterly ridiculous
reading, the way will be paved for further legislation
                                                            that have shepherded reproduction and the nurturing        generalisations, as bad as the homophobic utterances
favouring same-sex adoption due later this year.
                                                            of children into the married family. The aims are:         of several MP’s. Political correctness prohibits
Courts will then be forced to give equal consideration
                                                                                                                       scientific research that could otherwise refute many
to both homosexual couples and the traditional one
                                                            · (Combating!) traditional sex roles and stereotypes       of the ill-founded claims made by proponents of
man and one woman family in matters of adoption.
                                                            · Legally defining ‘gender’ as merely a social              these bills. In the search for objectivity, critic Lynn
                                                            construct, rather than a biological distinction            Wardle of the Maxim Institute, is forced to rely upon
Helen Clark’s govt, aware of opposition, urged “that
                                                            · Rewriting textbooks and curricula in all school          the discredited work of Paul Cameron, expelled
it would be not only be proper for a conscience
                                                            grades to promote the new definition of gender              from the American Psychological Association and
vote to be exercised, but also that this would be
                                                            · Funding gender studies that will foster                  denounced by the American Sociological Association
preferable to electorate concerns”. A conscience vote
                                                            these attitudes · Retraining professions in                for repeated violations of leftist research ethics.
is where each MP votes on personal judgement; in
                                                            gender issues and gender equity · Conducting
reality it is open to abuse by groupthink mentality,
                                                            public relations campaigns on gender issues                Last word While it is reasonable to assume that non-
a hallmark of Clark’s government and the left in
general. Referendum would be more democratic.                                                                          heterosexuality is not an illness, its legal encouragement
                                                            Every school will compulsorily teach that                  is of doubtful worth. Placing children at increased risk
                                                            homosexuality is the equivalent of traditional marriage    of abuse, merely to advance another interest group’s
Homosexual oppression In NZ, homosexuality became
                                                            between a man and a woman. Textbooks will have to          agenda is also dubious. These pieces of legislation
legal in 1985. This has increased the sense of public
                                                            depict man/man and woman/woman relationships, and          would be far more acceptable if devoid of currently
acceptability of homosexuality, and a reduction in the
                                                            stories written for children as young as kindergarten      fashionable leftist social engineering. Perhaps the best
levels of discrimination, a worthy goal of any caring
                                                            will have to give equal space to homosexuals.              answer is to wait. As society naturally loses its fear and
society. Society’s disapproval has left a dark legacy,
perverting their culture, driving it underground. Public                                                               mistrust of homosexuality, it may well be possible for
toilet antics, HIV prevalence, and sexual promiscuity       The cycle of abuse These law changes add up to a           future generations of same sex parents to not carry the
beyond the ken of most heterosexuals are some of            recipe for an increased chance of an unhealthy attitude    negative legacy of society’s long-term disapproval.
the more apparent issues. Many heterosexuals do             towards sex, towards partners and others due to the well   But at this point in time, it would be grossly irresponsible
not understand that aberrant behaviours associated          known ‘cycle of abuse’. Consider that homosexuals          for Helen Clark’s government to legislatively place our
with non-heterosexuality are not intrinsic qualities of     can be both the creation of a sexually abusive             children into any increased risk environment, no matter
homosexuality, but are rather the result of alienation      childhood environment, or born that way. Rejection by      what other advantages such law changes may hold. Any
produced by a hostile society, the symptoms of abuse.       males or abuse by any, can and does create lesbianism;     and all new legislation should offer specific prohibition
Discrimination still continues, confirmed by gay             other women naturally gravitate to other women for         against same-sex adoption reforms. Forget the politics,
activists regularly. Homosexuals and lesbians almost        love, without any kind of abnormal backgrounds.            it’s all about the kids.
certainly on average will have a lower standard of          Nature or nurture, it can be either process, or both.
living, more criminality, unhappier relationships;          The possibility of exposing children to this abusive
hallmarks demonstrated by other oppressed minorities,       legacy via same-sex adoption environments is thus
possible reasons why they deserve help. Studies             a real concern. The state attempts to go too far, too      How do you feel about the Civil Unions Bill? Email
confirm increased prevalence of drug rape experiences        soon. Of course, Homosexual activists think of their       the editor on
                                                   zulu dancer & limbo winner

hollywood ball 2004
     one of the official winners for best costume

                                                                                sexiest couple

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