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					Welcome to the Special Edition Weekly      reapply if there is a change in your
Ink Waster!                                circumstances." -Department of
With glorious fanfare, Ink Waster #5       Social Services, Greenville, South
is introduced. I personally think that     Carolina
these issues have gone by real fast.
You realize that the Ink Waster's          New Age Slogans
been around for almost a month now,        A clear conscience is usually the sign
right? Right. The first issue was          of a bad memory.
November 17. It's now December 15.
Time flies when you're having fun, eh?     When everything is coming your way,
Recently found on Ms. Warner's Desk        you're in the wrong lane.
LAZY BUM ALERT! None of the
content that you are about to read         Eagles may soar, but weasels don't
was created by me in the slightest,        get sucked into jet engines.
but I did painstakingly copy it down
straight off Ms. Warner's desk for         Alternative Definitions
about 20 minutes. So you better like it.   Flashlight - (n.) A case for holding
I've divided it into several sections      dead batteries.
for your reading displeasure.
                                           Shin - (n.) A device for finding furniture.
Infamous Quotes
"I love CA. I practically grew up in       Headlines that Made the Papers
Phoenix." -Dan Quayle                      Police Begin Campaign to Run Down
                                           Jaywalkers
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk
of failure." -Bill Clinton                 Iraqi Head seeks Arms


"Your food stamps will be stopped          Miners Refuse to Work after Death
effective March 1992 because we
received notice that you passed            War Dims Hope for Peace
away. May God bless you. You may
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery,                 accidentally fell through the skylight -
Hundreds Dead                                  right on to her drying knives. He cut his
                                               leg, sued her FOR HER ENTIRE
And the one rule that you should               HOUSE and won.
regard almost as a way of life…
                                               Story #2
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for            A lady goes to McDonalds and buys a
a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll           cup of coffee. (Yes, they serve
sit in a boat drinking beer forever.           coffee, no, it doesn't taste any good.)
                                               As she's driving, she takes a sip, the
Like that? That's only a taster.               cup slips, and it drops and spills in her
There's plenty more, right in Ms.              lap. She sues McDOnald's for
Warner's room, on the front of her             MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, and guess
desk. I apologize to my out-of-school          what? She won.
readers who probably have no idea
what the heck I'm talking about - Ms.          The moral of these stories? Stories
Warner is my English & History                 that make no sense have morals
teacher, and luckily she's not strict          that make no sense, just like this
about having to not split infinitives or not   one.
using no double negatives. So it is not        PS2 vs. XBox vs. GameCube
hard to stealthily get away without not        This week, I compare the 3 big
obeying those stupid rules of grammar.         consoles. I can tell you the most about
(There, that'll make your head spin for        a PS2 (PlayStation 2) because I own
a while!) Moving on…                           one, but I've got some info on the
Examples of Justice                            others. The PS2 is definitely the best
If you think that the world makes              choice if you used a PS One or
sense and you need to be brought               PlayStation as all your games will also
back to reality, here's what you need          be compatible with your PS2. The PS2
to read.                                       doesn't have the best graphics or
                                               gameplay, but it is all-around solid and
Story #1                                       features free DVD playback, online
A lady who owns a house has some               play, and USB keyboard support for
knives drying on a table. When she's           chatting on some games. The
out, some person, trying to rob her            GameCube titles are more kid-
house, was on the roof and                     oriented with an emphasis on the
Mario family of games (Mario Kart,         kids like them, although I am clueless
Mario Party, etc.) and some common         as to why you would want that. Would its
titles like the Tony Hawk series. The      appeal to kids possibly increase video
GameCube does not work with Nintendo       game sales? Yeah, but I'm having a
64 games, and it has no DVD/online         hard time picturing the U.S. Mint in
functionality. Finally, the XBox is the    league with Electronics Boutique. At
leader in technical specifications         least it would explain why my local bank
and storage space, but it has the          is offering The Legend of Zelda: The
worst assortment of games, clunky and      Wind Waker as a gift with its
big controllers, and you have to pay       checking accounts.
$30 extra for a DVD playback kit -         The Sports Section
with $29 DVD players nowadays, why         Sorry Yankees fans…Andy Petite is
bother? My recommendation: Go with         gone to the Astros. I'd be sad, but I'm
the PS2. You'll get the most life out of   a Red Sox fan, so today was a joyous
it and since Sony continues to             day for me. Ha-ha! This is our year,
dominate the console market, many of       just like last year, and the year
the best game developers are writing       before, and the year before, and the
games for the PS2 exclusively.             year before…
Counterfeiters aren't that stupid!         Column of a Dangerous Mind
On the release of new peach and            Hello, my worthy adversaries! This is
blue colored $20 bills, I must note        my first time writing trash for the Ink
that yes, the $20 bill was the most        Waster and it is a huge honor. Some
common bill counterfeited, but the         of you readers may not know who I am.
counterfeiters can still exploit the       I'll give you a few hints-I left IDS in
reduced security in the $10s, $50s,        3rd grade, I had a big Halloween
etc. And I personally think that the       party, and my gargantuan dog Bob
designers of the new $20 had a little      tried to devour Blake. Still don’t know?
fun with the bill. Special paper and       Well to bad for you then! Actually, I'm
watermarks are all great and               none other than the famous John
dandy, and I can even live with            Facey! I am writing for the Ink
peach and light blue colors, but I must    Waster now and (oh boy!) will be
draw the line at the fact that it          cramming even more rubbish into your
changes colors when you rotate it. Is      brains. I don't know how long I'll be
anybody really going to check that?        here but it will not be short-lived
Maybe it's all a scheme to make            (hopefully). Now let's get down to beez-
eeness. First of all, my E-mail              to help your good friends at Avery's
address is Jolive91@aol.com. Feel            Soda. Remember, Santa's
free to E-mail me. You can ask me            watching…This is John Facey saying
about my article, my new school, or          AH-DEE-OS!
even my personal life. I'm like an           Word of the Day
open book and, yes, I will try to my best    Looking to fatten up your vocabulary?
ability to respond to your mail.             I've got the perfect word for you…
The first thing I will be talking about is   disembogue: (dis-em-BOAG)
                                             v. To discharge or pour out, as from the
my favorite "celebrity" on the face of       mouth of a river or stream.
the earth, BAM MARGERA! You may              A new word every day…see the latest
know him as a pro skateboarder. He           at www.wordsmith.org/words/today.html.
was in the games Tony Hawk's Pro             Hello out in cyberspace…
Skater 3 and 4, and Tony Hawk's              If there's anything I could put on the
Underground. Bam is one messed up            website to make it more entertaining,
dude. He'll literally do anything and is     please tell me! I'd really like the
fearless. Just one example is when he        site to have some exclusive content.
did a stage dive into a crowd from a         End Of File
balcony about 35 feet in the air. He         Time to end this Ink Waster and get
now has a show out called Viva La            on with life. Thanks for reading my
Bam on MTV, on Sunday nights at 9 PM,        special edition Ink Waster, and if
I think. I highly recommend it. Here         you've read the others, thanks for
are some other shows I recommend:            reading those too and supporting my
Wildboyz on MTV, and Mythbusters on          little project. Man! I got this song
the Discovery Channel.                       stuck in my head…Sing us a song, you're
As the Ink Waster Warlord himself            the piano man, sing us a song tonight,
(for all you idiots, that's Byron) does, I   well we're out in the mood for a melody,
shall be asking all of you brilliant         and you've got us feeling all right…la
minds a question:                            dee da, diddy da, la da, diddy da,
Category: Video Games                        da da…
Question: In Tony Hawk's Underground,
what is the last name of your "friend"       Byron Perpetua
Eric?
If you think you know the answer, well       byronperpetua@yahoo.com
then you'll just have wait a week or         www.geocities.com/vperpetua
two. I will be posting it soon. Remember

				
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