lip Inside In The News By Nora Gami Lip Publishing

lip Inside • • • • • • In The News By Nora Gami Lip Publishing Volume 1 Issue 1 January, 2008 a female perspective rage, young Barbie Dean did what any scorned woman would and broke all four pieces of good china and bit off a section of Bret’s ear. Witness Natalie Hutchins 36 stated “I heard it from my house and that’s two trailers down, double wide an’ all. Ol” Barbie Dean done stirred up a ruckus, in nuttin’ but a nightie and flip flops and a chunk of somethin’ bloody on her chin, she marched right here to my place ‘cause we got a phone and called her mama over’t the city and plumb got herself a job as a dancer (seein’ how Barbie Dean’s finally 18 an’ all). Like mother like daughter, I always said” Thanks for that Nat! Natalie also informed interviewers that Barbie Dean can finally enroll 4year old Brett Preston in a nice Christian pre school that she can finance with her tips. The Lip was able to track down Barbie Dean to get her perspective, but she is still feeling pretty raw and could only Iowa, home based soap making business called; Slippery Sloap was invaded and ransacked recently. The tip came from data analysts that happened upon a glycerin purchase made by Slippery Sloap owner Bubbles Mc-Veigh 39 and a native Iowan, though innocent of any terrorist intentions Bubbles is still facing comment “I’s always taught that blood is thicker than water, but this is the last time I date family” Second Cousin Brett, Denae Buckman-Travis and BarbieDean Travis’ daddy Travis Travis were unavailable for comment. There are things either printed or televised as news that are not or at least should not be of any interest to anyone and there are newsworthy items or occurrences that take place everyday in small town society that are bloody entertaining, yet they remain virtually secret. Not in the News is the outlet for such issues. When these particular articles are printed, if they are true the identities are changed to protect the innocent as well as the ignorant. We expect that lip readers have news of this variety and we welcome your input. Send it in maybe your next issue of Lip will contain a story that is hauntingly familiar. charges for the pin joint authorities found stashed in her jewelry box. Bubbles claims that she isn’t a regular user but just thought it might help her get through a Cheetah Girls concert. What began as a despicable invasion of property and privacy became the largest marijuana bust that small town had seen in a decade. www.lippublishing.com Featurette Sports News Dear Prudence Madam Kootchee Editorial Check out the “Featurette, a woman of interest” on Page 3 Apparently Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel took a walk. Paparazzi got pics of Carrie Underwood and her new boyfriend. Neat. Really, it is increasingly obvious that celebs really know how to date, taking a walk, like, that’s unheard of, Excellent reporting. Kudos to the competition and their uncanny ability to display the depth of celebrity commitment. Righteous. Not in the News Monday Barbie Dean Travis, a rural Tulsa native, walked in on her second cousin/baby daddy Bret making out with her step mom Denae Buchman-Travis. In a fit of Survivors trapped in data mine disaster signed patriot dabbles in the data mine and begins chucking probable cause out of the window, therefore, Whole bunches of bewil- upsetting the scales and throwing dered survivors are clambering for the complex/country further out of rescue from the upcoming disaster. balance. Survivors will be teetering According to sources the structure, on the brink, desperately clinging or let us say constitution, will be to their remaining civil liberties. compromised when the newly asIn a related story, a rural, By Mandy Spanks Lip Publishing Lips on Sports NFL Potentially Fatal in Britain By Chik Tastick Lip Publishing The recent surge to bring National League Football to Britain has caused international unrest. “Our team has been decimated” cries Rudy St. Catchpole of England’s Nosh Pub United. Shin guards just weren’t enough to protect 9 of the 11 players from severe injury during last Thursday’s game. Players were surprisingly intact from the knees down, but sustained several severe skeletal and internal injuries. Philip Mimsy, tight end for NPU promises LIP an exclusive as soon as he no longer has blood in his stool. Coach Rudy states that the injuries could have been much worse, thankfully “Those American blokes seemed to be confused and frightened by the checkerboard pattern of our keeper’s uniform”. However hopeful, this optic anomaly is still undeveloped and did not benefit NPU’s chances much during play as all of their players save their keeper refused to touch the ball with their hands. The final score was an appalling 155 to zip. Humble abode, LLC PaIntIng ContraCtor www.HumbleabodePaIntIng.Com 414 299 9023 l l InterIor l exterIor l resIdentIal l CommerCIal Major Reservations lip a female perspective Interactive News Get it off your bust! www.lippublishing.com Washington Red skins really put some thought into beating the Patriots and failed miserably, so miserably, in fact, that the Skins retaliated By Chik Tastick in ancestral form by removing the Lip Publishing helmet of the quarter-back with a knife made from a deer antler, took I’m not sure who won the a bite out of his heart and promptly world series. Football season is still high-tailed it back to the reservation. underway, but just as soon as someSo far this season the Packone wins the Superbowl, We’ll have ers don’t suck. Hockey news… our lips all over it, almost like we This week in Tennis…Oh, and care. On a more serious note, the the Olympics are coming up. Page 2 January, 2008 tween history and the youth of today. Adolescents and young adults tend to feel misunderstood and an alarming majority really are. These unfortunate souls are being taught and raised by those who share the concept that today’s youth are taking part in some sort of cake walk. And by making these assumptions and neglecting to take time to discuss the very serious and real pressures of today our children are the victims of serious injustice. Sex, drugs, disease, war, religion, politics are just a few subjects that require attention. Attention not from the over thirty crowd which is also comprised of 60- 80 year old congressmen and women with archaic ideas, but from the young, those who still possess elasticity of thought. Our children are our future. Let us stop relying on television, video games, the internet, church, school or a million other cop outs to raise them. Certainly, in moderation, influences from a mixture of these sources can be beneficial but ultimately it is our job, as parents, to guide our children through the gargantuan decisions they will be faced with so early in life. Try to understand. Sure, kids are still going to feel misunderstood, as did we, it is a hazard of the trade, but as parents we can always do more, we can always try harder. The minute we give up, the battle is lost and we forfeit our claim on the future. This Month in my Inbox thought. This email pontificated for six or more short paragraphs berating the youth of today, referring to them as brats and droned on about how much harder life was in the days before PlaystaMisunderstood tion, microwaves, and internet. I for one represent the demographic By Marla Tini of the writer of that crap referred to Lip Publishing as the “over thirty crowd”, however, Everyone is constantly getting for- Atari, stove top popcorn, and going warded emails originating from a to the library certainly don’t strike friend of a friend of a friend. These me as the things childhood scars junk emails are generally meant to are made of. Maybe the person that entertain or inspire. One of these wrote that garbage ought to hit the so called inspirational emails came library once in a while, as they still in the form of a poorly written rant exist and are frequented regularly. meant to tickle and inspire others The underlying message, I feel, is that lack vocabulary and original far more alarming than drawing a few mis-directed parallels be- Bush deploys Eagle Scouts to Iraq By Mandy Spanks Lip Publishing Though enlistment and military reserves are low, the campaign to send Eagle Scouts to Iraq has proven a bit short sighted. Their preparedness and overall love for the out of doors just doesn’t seem to be enough to off set the frustration of the other soldiers who have been repeatedly late and severely reprimanded, due to an inability to untie the specialty knots perfected by the scouts earning them a badge. An entire troop of scouts was absent and unaccounted for during drills only to turn up 3 hours later beaming and sweaty with 50 cases of canned goods. The good deed did not go unpunished as they were forced to return these items to the needy. Given the circumstances, the scout morale is surprisingly high due to their love for camping. On a more serious note, more than five scouts, all on separate occasions, have been picked off by Taliban dressed as little old ladies crossing the street. A few of the more eager scouts have caused serious injury, launching grenades at unsuspecting troops exiting the showers wearing towels on their heads. Though the scouts are waiting to be shipped home, they are anything but idle as they have fashioned a marvelous and fully functioning tank using nothing but elbow macaroni and paste. up to her kids, that is a problem as her children’s exposure to your children could yield unwelcome results. The sexual attraction to yourself and husband is also alarming. Many women have attractive and loving husbands that others would give their left arm for, but the fact that she has made this plain to you suggests that she wants you to be threatened by her or that she may want to take your relationship to a level beyond your comfort zone. As far as your time is concerned, time is something that we do not get back. How much time are you willing to forfeit into a stressful relationship? As I would say to a woman having similar issues with a man, there are other fish in the sea. There are women out there with similar interests, goals, and have your feelings in mind. I would cut her loose. That’s me, take it or leave it! Prudence Grundy Madam Kootchee Madam Kootchee has very little if any education and even less of a background in astrology. However, her penchant for shawls, baubles, oversized jewelry and incenses over rode such trivialities as education and competence and therefore made her a shoe-in as celestial guide. If the reader does not like it they can take it up with the heavens. Capricorn 12/22-1/19 You get ripped off every Christmas. you should consider playing for the “other team”. Dear Prudence Dear Prudence, Aquarius 1/20-2/18 Virgo, 8/23-9/22 I am involved in a friendship that If your name is Joe, you’re horoThe stars had nothing to do with dinhas become suspect. At first like scope is brilliant, if your name is ner last night, you are a lousy cook. any relationship it was almost perMatt, not so much. Libra, 9/23-10/22 fect and I must admit that as a marAries, 3/21-4/19 Any changes you make today will ried mother of three, it felt great to You have a knee-hi static clinged to be fatal except for one and it could know that I had someone to confide the inside of your blouse and everychange your life. in. As time has passed I feel like one knows. Scorpio, 10/23-11/21 the relationship is becoming more Taurus, 4/20-5/20 Start packing a lunch and drinking strained. She is becoming more deGo back home, today is no good for from a concealed flask as Saturn manding of my time and it is becomyou. Try again tomorrow. shows that someone in your work ing harder to establish balance. Also, place is trying to poison you. Gemini, 5/21-6/21 when her demands are not met she The fate of the world rests in your Sagittarius, 11/22-12/21 becomes sharp and unpleasant. Her capable hands. You are the future. That thing your partner said was a children are terribly behaved and I lie. find that I have increasing difficulty Cancer, 6/22-7/22 overlooking these flaws within her Jupiter’s moon Eruopa is in alignPisces, 2/19-3/20 as well as her family. The relationment with Orion’s Zipper and it has Your boss doesn’t take you seriously ship has not negatively affected my ruined your look. because he can’t get your nipples off marital relationship even though his mind Leo, 7/23-8/22 she had expressed sexual interest Your love life is in a shambles and in both my husband and myself, but our friendship has caused some Get Noticed Get Noticed Get Noticed Get Noticed Get Noticed Get Noticed Get strife within my relationship with my mother and sister. Any suggestions? Begging for Balance Dear Mrs. Balance, Having certain friends can definitely be a hardship to a marriage and to other relationships within your life. This sounds to me like an unhealthy relationship. Children are a direct result of their parents, so if you can’t warm Noticed Get Noticed Noticed Get Noticed Place your ad today! Contact Lip Publishing editor@lippublishing.com Get Noticed Get Noticed Get Noticed Get Noticed Get Noticed Get Noticed Get Page 3 January, 2008 Featurette, a woman of interest, Erin Gebhart Lip is an interactive paper, which means we are exploring the avenues of the online interview. Each issue of Lip will contain a Featurette, a woman of interest. We will present her with some topic questions and possibly generate some dialogue. The hope is that the ability to think privately and reflect on ones craft will enable them to answer without feeling self-conscious and elicit something honest. How much has your work but every time people want to talk about whether I am an artist or not. Shutter to Think . . . evolved? about the importance of art and what When people ask what I do, I typiI am constantly trying to art is I feel sick. I hate pretentious- cally say I’m a shift supervisor. The evolve, trying to figure out different ness and art philosophy and I don’t conversation usually ends there. If ways to communicate ideas. I think know how you succeed in the “art I said “artist” I’d then have to dea lot of the themes have stayed the world” with out talking about and scribe, to someone who doesn’t acsame (in the past few years anyway). listening to other people talk about tually care, what kind of artwork it I haven’t been able to stop thinking that rubbish. So, I guess what my is and what it’s about. about fear, love, loss and function- aspirations are, is to find the right Do you have a favorite piece? Why so those themes recur again and place for my work. Where am I in is it your favorite? again in everything I do. It is the regard to that? I have had my stuff I don’t really look at my We presented a list of ques- presentation that changes- installa- in a few galleries and shows and I individual pieces too much, I usutions to Erin Gebhart, of Milwau- tions, books, tiny pieces and large, am still making work so… I don’t ally think of groups of work as one kee, WI. Now 26 years of age, Erin found objects, alternative printing know where that puts me. piece. The series I am working on has been transforming the pho- methods and alterations. Are you able to and/or are you right now is my current favorite. tograph since High school. We Is it the product or the process? planning to make a career out of The series is about disappointment thought up questions like the kind It is definitely both. Mak- this form of expression? and a desire to be better. Every time that might actually give you a real ing is important to me. I like to knit, taste of someone. sew, cook and build things…makEnjoy Erin’s responses and ing with my hands, I enjoy it. I also feel free to write in with your own. find pleasure in taking photographs, At what age did you start photog- I can easily get caught up in it- lose raphy? time and feel like I can see things In high school I had deten- clearly through a camera. Like drivtion almost every night for a while, ing, when your brain is occupied, it at the time I was in an Intro. to Black is so much easier to think. Then and White photography class. I was there is the having, if there was no allowed to serve my detentions in product, nothing to keep or hold I the art room. So I just spent every don’t think it would be nearly as exday after school, alone in the dark- citing for me. I wouldn’t remember room. I kept trying different things what I saw, and remembering is the with printing. I would put stained most important part of it- being able glass or cheesecloth over the pic- to experience the moment again and tures; try exposing the picture to again. Also, without the product, I day light before fixing it…silly think it would be more difficult to things like that. I loved being in share with other people. Sharing the darkroom; it was the only place what you make with others seems I don’t want to make a ca- I look at it I feel like I can be better, I really felt comfortable any time important, I don’t really know why, reer out of my personal work; I like I can change or change things. during those three years. but I want to. Maybe, it makes would like some measure of success For me, that is an important thing to from it, but not a full time job. I do be reminded of. photography work and enjoy that a Is it emotionally difficult to part great deal. It is actually the flexibil- with any of your work? ity and variety that attracted me to I don’t think so. It is like going to college for photography. when you make a gift for someone, I had an instructor in school who you put a lot of effort into it, but was an instructor at two schools, when you give it to them you don’t he did work for an architecture firm regret the loss of it because of the (I think), and did a few weddings joy there is in giving. It is much the a year and his own personal work same I think, wanting to give your too. I knew that is what I wanted, I money in exchange for your work get bored easily and I need diversity means that person really gets it and and change. So, that is what I do. I they want to be reminded of that typically have three to four jobs at a feeling. A common understandtime depending on the season and I ing is the whole point of sharing love that. I think if I had to do my it right? So you trade the loss for personal work to eat I wouldn’t en- something better. joy it anymore. Do you create and sell freelance In what ways are you able to mar- work or do you operate on per hire At what point did you realize that sense to say that the process is for ket your work? basis? you would turn your photographs me, and the product is for me and I’m not sure I understand Both. into something else? to share. this question but if you are askIt took me a long time to What are your aspirations and ing how I get my work seen, I put It doesn’t take a critic to see realize that I wasn’t making phowhere do think you are with regard sample packets together and send that Erin’s work is thought provoktographs. One of my instructors in to them? them to galleries and competitions. ing and interpretive, so enjoy viewcollege said ‘your not a photograThis is a hard question. I Sometimes I get in and sometimes ing them and see if you can figure pher, you’re an artist that uses phodon’t know what success would not. That is really the only kind of out what the images betray in you. tography’. I didn’t understand what look like for me. I feel proud when promotion I do. If you would like to see he meant; I thought he was cutting someone compliments my work or Do you consider yourself an art- more of Erins work, log on to www. on my technical skills. It wasn’t when my stuff is accepted to galler- ist or are you too busy to consider lippublishing.com and follow the until much later that I understood ies- obviously, I want people to see yourself at all? links. Don’t forget to stop in at our what that meant. In other words, I my work and understand it and feel I am pretty self-obsessed forums while your there and leave a don’t think it was a conscious decisomething, or something like that… but I don’t really sit around thinking comment. sion; it’s what I’ve always done. Page 4 January, 2008 clined to take guns and ammunition to school. I would also like to point out that I have run into more adult bullies than I have of the adolescent variety and that was a fair few. Bullies come in myriad shapes, sizes and flavors. They can be your garden variety spoiled child unwilling to take no for an answer because they have never been told “no”. They are children that are bullied at home by lousy parents. Bullies are made in day care by people who have authority over children all day but lack the bond and unconditional love of a parent. Not necessarily too much bad influence, just not enough of the right influence. Walk down the isle of a grocery store and listen to the children whining and puling in the shopping cart for no apparent reason, and the correction that they long for is nowhere in sight. As for adult bullies, it has been my experience that they are great big children that long for a spanking, verbal or otherwise. I have never had to have a physical solution for an adult bullying issue. When working as a travelling nurses’ assistant in a home for the developmentally disabled, I was working diligently with a client when one of the Two, Four, Six, Eight, who do we love to hate? An Editorial . . . By Marla Tini Lip Publishing A bully, what?what? A bully…, that’s right! Haven’t we all had an experience with bullying? Were you bullied by another child in school, a teacher in school, an officer of the law, a judge in court, or even a parent? I have heard cases for all of the above. Personally, I have been successfully bullied a couple of times. This treatment, however, came to a screeching halt when my Dr. Scholl clog made forceful and deliberate contact with the groin of my aggressor. I am not saying that all confrontational situations should be dealt with using violence; I am simply stating that it worked for me and I was never in- Environmentally Responsible Papers and Soy Base Ink. We Care About our Environment email: budgetprint@charter.net 107 S. Fifth Street 1-800-729-0728 Watertown, WI 53094 Fax: 920-261-6353 www.budgetprintonline.com Quality Instant and Commercial Printing permanent staff came storming into the room, demanded that I tell her how many clients that I had left and when I gave her the quantity, she threw her arms in the air, swore and proceeded to tell the other permanent staff that I was rubbish, to put it mildly. After only 15 minutes she returned to begin what would have become a cycle of co-worker abuse. When she arrived at the next client’s room I met her at the door, she shouted “Jesus Christ, how far are you?!” and I replied “right F*#$ing here!” I slammed the door in her face and did not see her again until breakfast. That was the last who made a career out of danger, danger, danger, frequently wrestled crocs, handled deadly snakes, komodo dragons, and all manner of serious creatures; is said to have had the sight. Apparently, playing slap and tickle with venomous, ravenous, meat eating, bizarre defense mechanism having, and people loathing creatures demands a certain lack of common sense leaving ample room in the psyche for the sixth sense. We here at LIP believe. time. I do not let a bully get into their stride. Nip their nonsense in the bud. Do not take so much that you lose control and show your ass. I have become a bully’s bully and I encourage you to do the same. We are all people and therefore not infallible, some times turning the other cheek is the right thing to do, sometimes it isn’t. I mentioned before that I did resort to the one instance of violence, but never took guns and ammo to school. I wonder, all the school shootings, were those children the bullies or the bullied? We would love to hear your bully stories, visit us at www.lippublishing.com to give us your input. 26 Years - Family Owned and Operated Our Lips are Sealed Got a big secret? A secret like, that you’ve secretly been sleeping with your sister’s boyfriend, OR, maybe a little one, like the time you put a dill pickle up your boyfriends butt because you didn’t want to get your finger dirty. Either way there is probably something you would love to shout about but can’t. If you can’t tell anyone, tell us, we’ll tell everyone. Be advised, no good can come from it. Log on to www.lippublishing.com, shoot us an email. Clairvoyant Croc Hunter By Mandy Spanks Lip Publishing Croc Hunter’s Steve Irwin believed a long life was not in the cards for him. Irwin died tragically at the age of 44 after his heart was pierced by the barb of a stingray more than a year ago. Irwin, penile girth than his drinking straw let alone his fire hose. Much to your shock and displeasure he also can’t seem to find the fire! So you pull up your pants, sneak to the car, throw up in the parking lot, cry all the way home, loufa your vagina and epidermis raw, throw up again then call your boyfriend who happens to be out of town and unlike your new friend does not carry a velcro wallet. The conversation is perfectly normal, he misses you, you miss him, and he is touched because you miss him so much that you are crying. All of this makes you increasingly paranoid and you hang up thinking that he knows. Better to give the vag another scrub. Meanwhile, you are plagued with visions and or commentary from the smoldering pile of part time hero that tried unsuccessfully to ”give it” to you the night before. This, ladies, is a very real potential disaster. No relationship is perfect. There will always be someone better looking, funnier, smarter Lips in Space Node News is Good News By Mandy Spanks Lip Publishing Window Shopping An Editorial . . . By Marla Tini Lip Publishing Yeah, we’ve all been there, taking our relationships for granted. The boyfriend /husband isn’t chasing us around anymore, it’s been ok to fart for years and we pee with the door open. Instead of seeing these signs as symbols of comfort and ease, we start to view them as disgusting and as a lack of decency. All of a sudden other boys exist. Pretty boys with pretty smiles and pretty skin or maybe it’s not a pretty guy, it is just a guy with an exciting job and before you know it you’re drunk and banging a volunteer fireman in a motel forty miles from home. That is when you realize they’re not all Patrick Swayze; as a matter of fact this shmuck has less A node on the international space station had to be relocated recently. The node in question, though described as the size of a school bus, was nearly impossible to find, and proved quite literally impossible or possibly more charming than to some very frustrated astronauts. your mate. But all of those things After some troubleshooting it was do not necessarily make the perfect discovered that the node though match. Don’t forget that there is quite large was simply located too also someone better looking, fun- near the “G-Spot” of the station. nier, smarter and more charming After calling up a female astronaut than you. If you have invested the to locate the node it was then repotime, love and attention in a person sitioned. The astronauts celebrated and you were content with your re- by vigorously rubbing and poklationship then do yourself a favor ing the newly positioned node and and keep perspective. Learn how commented that it should have been to window-shop, it won’t cost you place upon the “forehead” of the craft in the first place. anything. Chad Philip Inc. Woodworking Shop & Construction Mobile: 618-781-0154 618-654-5014 chadpkorte@yahoo.com Call or Email today for all of your custom woodworking needs.