FADE IN: SPACE The Starship “ROCK COLLECTOR 7” floats through a distant galaxy. INT. BRIDGE CAPT. RON TEAGUE (40’s) is addressing his crew. Pilot JANE BECK (late thirties, plain) stands by his side. RON Attention. Attention everyone! I’m gonna need everyone’s attention here. Jane has a very important announcement to make and this one affects all of us. Alright, Jane you have the floor. JANE (to the crew) Okay...For the fourth time this week someone has...”abused” his holo-deck privileges. Apparently some of you have decided that the holo-deck is your own personal bordello. Besides the mental health questions raised by grown men having sex with fictional, computer generated images, it’s gross. Really, really gross. And if it doesn’t stop I’m going to file an official report. RON People! How many times do we have to go over this? It is the official position of the Starship Alliance that the holo-deck is to be used for “TRAINING” purposes only. I cannot have the women of this ship sending back negative reports to the Alliance. What do we need to do to make sure that this does not happen again? Time for a little trouble shooting...suggestions? COBALT, big, black, and the head of security, raises his hand. Cobalt. Go. RON (CONT’D)
2.
COBALT Sir, can I suggest that if someone is in the holo-deck training himself that he be given the time he needs to finish his training and make it proper protocol to knock before entering? Ron takes out a pen and starts writing it down. RON Good. Knock before entering. That’s good. Seems like we should be doing that anyway people. But let’s go ahead and make that a rule there. JANE That doesn’t solve the problem. COBALT I’m just saying that people barging in while you’re training yourself interrupts the flow of the training and could seriously jeopardize your ability to properly train to completion. And that’s just damn irritating. RON What if we were to put some sort of locking mechanism on the door. Would that do the trick? COBALT It would help. RON Okay. Great. Locks for the Holo Deck. A random ENGINEER chimes in. ENGINEER Captain, could we regulate the amount of time people use the holo-deck? I’ve noticed that it’s always booked up. I haven’t been able to get in there to train myself in weeks. RON (writing) Excellent point. It does fill up quickly. Anybody else? Another random guy who is just filling up water pitchers, pipes up.
3.
ANOTHER GUY Maybe we all need to do a better a job of cleaning up after ourselves. RON (writing) “Do better job”. “Clean up after selves”. I like these words people. RonJANE
RON Jane, thank you for the update. Get a lock on that door, set a time limitJANE That’s not my jobRON (not listening) -and let’s educate the crew about proper clean-up methods. I don’t think you’ll have any problems after that. JANE That’s not my job, Ron. He tosses her the notebook. RON (still not listening) Get on it ASAP. Good work everybody. JANE (to herself) I’m filing a complaint. STARTEMIS, the portly, eccentric, female alien communications officer chimes in from the back of the deck. STARTEMIS Captain, I’m receiving a call from Alliance Headquarters. Who is it? RON
STARTEMIS Supervisor Thompson.
4.
RON Take a message. STARTEMIS He says it’s urgent. RON I’m sure it is. Take a message. STARTEMIS He’s threatening to fire me if I don’t put him through. RON He’s bluffing, don’t put him through. STARTEMIS I’m putting him through. RON Do not put him through. STARTEMIS He’s through. Son of aRON
We see MAJOR THOMPSON on the screen at the front of the ship. Teague! Tom. MAJOR TOM. RON
MAJOR TOM. What the hell are you doing, Ron? RON Just trying to complete our mission, Sir. MAJOR TOM. Are you!? Cause you’re 470,000 miles off course, we haven’t had a shipment in six months. RON You’ll get your shipment Tom. Relax.
5.
MAJOR TOM. We’ve been hearing rumors that you’re attempting to arm your ship with nuclear torpedos and activate the ship’s shields to war-time combat capabilities. Why would you being doing that, Ron? RON Tom, we’re collecting goddamn moon rocks and sending them home. Nothing else is going on. MAJOR TOM. You’re a peaceful ship in a peaceful galaxy. There is no reason for you to be activating your defense shields. RON We’re not activating our defense shields! MAJOR TOM. Then why are you resisting all communication? We’re not! RON
MAJOR TOM. The inspector I sent to board your ship has desperately been trying to make contact with you. RON Well, maybe he’s out of our range of communication. MAJOR TOM. He’s been directly outside your bay doors for three days, Ron. He’s running out of water and air. Now let the man board the ship or I’m giving him permission to fire on you. RON Uh...I’m getting a bad reception here Tom. I think we’re going around a moon. Yup, I’m losing you... Ron nods to Startemis who blacks out the screen. RON (CONT’D) Cobalt, are the defense shields activated yet?
6.
Not yet.
COBALT
RON So, this guy can actually fire on us, huh? COBALT Oh, most definitely. RON Dammit. Alright I guess we’re gonna have to let him on. INT. BRIGSBY’S QUARTERS - SAME TIME An earnest LIEUTENANT LANCE BRIGSBY (30) sits in front of a large flat screen monitor. He talks with his wife, TRACY, via satellite. Her face fills the screen. She seems distracted. BRIGSBY So I finally got a new mattress in my room. You have no idea what I had to go through to get that thing but it’s really helping with my back problems. God Tracy, I miss sleeping next to you. Uh huh. TRACY
BRIGSBY How are the kids? Huh? The kids? What? TRACY BRIGSBY TRACY
BRIGSBY Are you okay? You seem distracted. TRACY No. I’m listening. CUT TO:
7.
TRACY’S POV She’s also in front of a giant TV monitor. She watches a Jerry Springer type program. Brigsby’s image is in a tiny picture window in the lower right hand corner. BRIGSBY Oh okay, it just seemed likeTRACY Where’s the money? BRIGSBY Oh um... I sent it. Are you not getting it? BACK TO BRIGSBY’S POV TRACY It’s not enough. BRIGSBY Huh...well...it’s eighty five percent of what I’m making up here. I mean, I need a little money to survive. TRACY It’s not enough, Lance. The kids need more. BRIGSBY Okay well, I’ll see what I can do? Where are the kids? I wanna say hi. TRACY I don’t know. Just send us more money. A MAN in a TOWEL crosses behind Tracy. BRIGSBY Whoa! Who was that? TRACY Who was what? BRIGSBY The man in the towel that just walked by. The image gets choppy. BACK TO TRACY POV
8.
She’s kicking the side of the TV. TRACY Uh-oh hon. Looks like your going behind a moon or something. We got a bad connection. Goodbye. Love you. Send that money. BACK TO BRIGSBY Okay, I... BRIGSBY
The signal cuts to black and Tracy is gone. ...love you. BRIGSBY (CONT’D)
The door opens and Captain Teague pokes his head in. RON Yo Brigsby. Looks like we’re gonna have to let that inspector guy board the ship after all. BRIGSBY Son of a bitch. INT. LOADING BAY - MOMENTS LATER A small spacecraft sits in the loading bay, having just landed. Teague and Brigsby stand by. RON Put on your happy face, Brigs. I got a feeling this guy’s gonna be a little bit agitated. The cockpit opens. LIEUTENANT ZANDER CENTARI spills from the ship onto the ground gasping for oxygen. ZANDER (chocking for breath) Oh God...thank God... There he is. RON
ZANDER ...water...please God water...
9.
RON Brigs, get the man some water. Brigsby goes to get the water. ZANDER What the hell...is wrong...with you people? RON How do you mean? Brigsby returns with a cup of water that Zander chugs down desperately. ZANDER I’ve been sending an S.O.S. for days now! RON Look Champ, you’ve had a long flight, you look like crap. Why don’t we get you cleaned up, we’ll have a couple of beers and then I’ll show you around the ship. ZANDER No. I... almost died in there Mr. Teague. I do not want a couple of beers. I just wanna get this report over with so I can go home. Captain. Excuse me? RON ZANDER
RON Captain Teague. I’d prefer it if you refer to me by my military rank while you’re on my ship. ZANDER Okay, let’s get a few things straight. First of all this is not your ship. You don’t own it, you simply work on it. Secondly, you have no military rank because you are not in the military. RON Are you in the military? Yes I am. ZANDER
10.
RON What’s your rank? Lieutenant. ZANDER
RON Great, I out rank you. ZANDER No you do not. RON Sure I do. I’m a Captain you’re a Lieutenant. ZANDER Simply being employed by the military does not entitle you to a military ranking. RON I think I’ve earned it. ZANDER You are a private contractor. You have been hired to perform a very simple task and you seem to be having an immensely difficult time completing it. Every other Moon Rock collector in eight Protox galaxies seems to be able to handle their assignments, except for you. I’m here to find out why, Mr. Teague. So help me God, I’m going to find out why. RON Look bud, bottom line, this whole thing’s gonna go a lot smoother if you just call me Captain. ZANDER (sighs) Take me to the moon rocks. INT. MASSIVE WAREHOUSE STORAGE FACILITY - LATER Ron, Zander and Brigsby stand in a massive room full of many different MOON ROCKS. BRIGSBY Well, as you can see, we’ve managed to gather far more than the Alliance quota. (MORE)
11.
BRIGSBY (CONT'D) We hit every system this side of Quazar 9. Picked every moon clean.
I see. ZANDER
RON Let me be honest with you. The reason we haven’t made our drop off yet is because we knew we could triple productivity with a little extra elbow grease. Management would never approve the mission. You know how the brass can be, always wanting to stick to protocol. That’s why we decided to keep it hush, hush. But I’m sure once they see this load, they are gonna see what real leadership is all about. Captain Ron Teague is single-handedly saving the Alliance billions of dollars. ZANDER Well I have to say I’m impressed. This is quite a load, Captain. RON Yes, it is. Okay, well I guess that’s all weZANDER -Hologram off. All the rocks disappear and we see we are in the tiny all white room that is the Holo-Deck. Damnit. BRIGSBY
ZANDER There are no rocks; are there? RON No there are not. Why? Silence. Then: RON Okay, here’s the dealZANDER Just take me to the bridge, Mr. Teague. ZANDER
12.
Suddenly a MAN comes in wearing a towel. MAN Oop, sorry Captain. I was just coming in to train myself. Ah. Yes. RON
MAN Are you guys almost done? Cause I could come back. You know what? I’ll come back. The man exits. CUT TO BLACK: INT. BRIDGE All the lights are off when Ron, Brigsby and Zander enter the main bridge. BRIGSBY Bridge lights, on. The lights come up revealing the entire crew fast asleep at their posts. ZANDER What is going on in here? RON The crew seems to be napping. ZANDER Why is your crew asleep? RON Well, I don’t want any nefarious activity on the bridge while the Captain isn’t present. So I encourage them to sleep while I’m gone. BRIGSBY Okay people! Rise and shine. Captain’s on the bridge! RON Everyone, we have a very special guest with us today. Lieutenant...I’m sorry I never got your name.
13.
ZANDER Zander Centari. RON Really? “Zander Centari”? Yes. ZANDER
RON Huh. Okay. “Zander Centari” is an inspector of some kind, and he’s gonna be inspecting something or other about the ship and then, hopefully, I don’t know(to Zander) What else? ZANDER I would like to de-brief some of the members of the crew. RON “De-brief” huh? (pointing to Jane) Don’t start with this one she’ll never leave you alone afterwards. She’s kind of one time deal. Why don’t you start with my man, Brigsby. BRIGSBY Great. Let’s do it. ZANDER Let’s not do it. In the seven minutes I’ve known you, Mr. Brigsby, you have proved yourself to be incredibly dishonest and completely spineless. BRIGSBY Well, that’s a bit of aZANDER Is there anyone here with military experience? Ho. And you are? COBALT ZANDER
COBALT Cobalt, sir. Chief of security.
14.
ZANDER Excellent. Is there somewhere we can talk? Yes, sir. COBALT
ZANDER In the meantime Mr. Teague, I believe you’re scheduled to arrive at Gamma moon six for a collection. I suggest you get this ship back on course. RON Absolutely sir. Cobalt ushers Zander from the bridge. RON (CONT’D) Jane, maintain course. JANE We’re all gonna get fired. BRIGSBY She’s right, Captain. This is bad. My wife’s gonna kill me if I lose this job. RON People! Now is not the time to fall to pieces. We’re a few small steps away from equipping the ship with full nuclear capabilities. That means “goodbye space rocks”. And “hello, action, adventure, glory and riches!” Did I not promise you riches? Nobody’s getting rich from moon rocks! The money is in exploration, people! And if we can just hold this guy off for a little while we can give the engineering room enough time to get everything up to speed and by the time he’s done with his report we’ll be halfway to the Golon Galaxy! JANE And then when what, Ron? You think the Alliance is just gonna let us drive around the universe with a nuclear war cruiser?
15.
RON By the time they figure out what we’re doing we’ll have probably discovered a new planet or two and they’ll see that we’re the most capable ship in the fleet. Just trust me. JANE The last time I trusted you I had to get an abortion. RON Not now, Jane! I’m sorry that you fell in love with me but that’s what’s happened so we’re just gonna have to deal with it and move on. Brigsby get down to the engine room and get to work. BRIGSBY Aye aye Captain. Brigsby exits. RON Startemis, where are we with the arms dealer? STARTEMIS He left word. RON What do you mean he left word? I’ve been trying to get in touch with this guy for months. STARTEMIS You told me to hold all of your calls. RON From the Alliance! Hold the calls I don’t want! For the love of God, what did he say? STARTEMIS (reading the message) “Captain Teague, I don’t know who you are or how you got my number but I want to make this very clear so you’ll stop calling my house. I am not an intergalactic arms dealer. I don’t know where you got that idea. I make shoes for a living. Please stop calling my number and asking me to sell you weapons. (MORE)
16.
STARTEMIS (CONT'D) You are starting to scare my children. Enough is enough. Please stop. Just...Please.”
Teague takes this in. RON He’s bluffing. Call him back. INT. BRIG - CONTINUOUS Cobalt leads Zander through the ship’s prison facility. It’s packed with a shitload of PEOPLE jammed into a tiny force field holding cell. COBALT This is the ship’s temporary holding facility for the various perpetrators we have on board. ZANDER What are these men being held for? COBALT Mostly quality of life violations. You know leaving your shit laying around for somebody to trip on. Disagreeing with the Captain. Being a punk ass bitch. That kind of thing. A MAN from inside the force field speaks up. MAN We’re starving in here. Please help us. Cobalt shocks the starving man with a large metal rod. COBALT Punk ass bitch. (to Zander) Sorry about that Lieutenant. Come here check this out. He leads him over to the wall. COBALT (CONT’D) The most important part of my job is fitness. So, I throw a body building contest every month to show these people why I’m chief of security. These are some of my trophies.
17.
He motions to a few Body Building trophies displayed on a wall mount nearby. COBALT (CONT’D) Yeah...take that in for a second. They stand staring at the trophies for a painfully long time. Then: ZANDER Okay, these are...good. Yeah. COBALT
Another beat. Zander tries to walk off. Cobalt puts a meaty hand on his shoulder. Not yet. COBALT (CONT’D (CONT’D)
We leave them staring at the trophies. INT. ENGINE ROOM - SAME TIME Brigsby’s sits watching two MECHANICS working on a massive glowing space engine. Ron enters. RON Brigs, turns out that phone number we bought off your brother-in-law was bullshit. BRIGSBY Really? Maybe I just wrote it down wrong. I’ll look into it. RON How are the thrusters coming? PETE the mechanic stops. He is an alien with the body of a man and the head of a fish. PETE THE MECHANIC Thrusters? No, you said boosters. RON I said thrusters. PETE THE MECHANIC No. You definitely said boosters. I got the work order right here.
18.
Pete pulls out and holds up the work order. PETE THE MECHANIC (CONT’D) Yep Boosters. You tell me to work on boosters, I work on boosters. RON Boosters, thrusters, what’s the difference? PETE THE MECHANIC Well, there’s a big difference. They’re two completely different things. RON Which one gets us into Hyperspace? PETE THE MECHANIC That would be the Thrusters. RON Great. Work on those. PETE THE MECHANIC Well now, that’s a whole different work order. RON Forget about the work order. Just get it done. PETE THE ENGINEER I can’t get it done in until the first work order has been processed and completed. RON Look just because you’re half fish or whatever, doesn’t mean you can constantly back sass me, Pete. PETE THE ENGINEER Oh, you wanna make this about race? I’m not half fish, I’m a Manphibian. That’s why I can breath in here, bro. So don’t make this about race. RON It’s not about race PetePETE THE ENGINEER It became about Race when you called me fish face.
19.
RON I didn’t call you...look, just finish the first work order, fix the boosters, then put in the second work order and fix the thrusters so we can get into hyperspace. I just wanna be able to get into hyperspace, guys. Please stop breaking my balls and help me get into hyperspace. Can you do that, please? INT. DARK ROOM - SAME TIME Zander sits, confused, in a very dark room. We hear Cobalt: COBALT (O.S.) You have no idea what’s going on aboard this ship. You wanna see truth... MUSIC is started. Something along the lines 2001 Space Odyssey blares through the room. COBALT (CONT’D) I’ll give you the truest thing you’re eyes have ever seen. Lights! BOOM! The lights pop on revealing: Cobalt standing on a platform in the middle of a mirrored room. Greased and near naked in his g-string. He flexes. COBALT (CONT’D) Have you ever seen a body like this? It’s okay to be afraid. You’re excited. I’m excited. This is the real deal right here. ZANDER I need to speak with someone else. CUT TO: INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - LATER Zander sits with the ship’s robot. ROBOT is bald and insecure. Zander looks at his file. ZANDER Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. As I understand you are the ship’s intelligence officer and you are an android is this correct?
20.
ROBOT Yes that’s correct. ZANDER I think there must be some mistake with the paperwork because it says you are a TI698 model and you don’t look like one. In fact you are the first Android I’ve ever seen who doesn’t have hair. What model are you? ROBOT My hair has been removed. Removed? ZANDER
ROBOT Yes the captain has made a number of modifications on me. Such as? ZANDER
ROBOT Well for starters I’ve been reprogrammed to be submissive and to have very low self esteem. ZANDER Why would he do that? ROBOT The captain fears a Robot uprising. Is that so? ZANDER
Zander takes some notes. ROBOT I was also given a baby dick. Excuse me? ZANDER
ROBOT I have...a baby...dick. The two just stare at each other in silence. CUT TO:
21.
INT. INTERVIEW ROOM. - LATER Jane is spread out on the couch like she’s talking to a shrink. Zander takes notes. JANE Do you know what it is like to be in love? I do. It’s shit. It burns on the inside like a hot pile of shit in the center of your heart. Sometimes that shit pile in my chest cavity burns so badly I just want to fly this ship right into and planet kill everybody on it. I don’t know. Maybe I’m crazy or maybe that’s just love. What do you think? ZANDER Uh well...I don’t know because I’m a Lieutenant in the Military and not a psychiatrist. I do however suggest you talk to one. Yeah maybe. She takes this in. JANE (CONT’D) Do you wanna have sex me? I do not. ZANDER JANE
JANE (to herself) I’m gonna crash this ship. INT. INTERVIEW ROOM. - LATER Startemis is in mid swing with a large bizarre looking sword. Hi-yha! STARTEMIS
She stops just short of Zander’s neck and holds it there. STARTEMIS (CONT’D) This is a two thousand year old Kiljovian war sword given to me by my ancestors. Let me demonstrate.
22.
She backs off him spins away and swipes upward with the sword. She looks back to Zander from over her shoulder. STARTEMIS (CONT’D) This is a move. She spins back and steps to her left and swings to her left. STARTEMIS (CONT’D) This is a move. She steps to her right and swings to her right. STARTEMIS (CONT’D) That’s a move. She does a little swing and jump. STARTEMIS (CONT’D) This is a move. She stops for a second. STARTEMIS (CONT’D) Chopping watermelons is for power. Chopping cherries is for accuracy. She spins and swipes. STARTEMIS (CONT’D) This is a move. INT. BRIDGE - LATER Brigsby and Ron are waiting by the communications desk. There’s a tone ringing like an unanswered telephone call. Then: MAN’S VOICE (O.S.) Hey this is Barry. I’m not here right now so leave a message and I’ll get back to you. BRIGSBY Hey, Barry, it’s Lance, your brother-inlaw. Listen, uh...that arms dealer’s number that you sold to us doesn’t seem to be working and I thought maybe I wrote it down wrong or-
23.
RON Barry this is Captain Ronald Teague of the Starship Alliance and I am ordering you to give us back our money! That is a direct order! JANE You can’t order him to do anything. You don’t have any authority over him, Ron. RON Woman please! Barry, I will blast you out of your house and home if I do not get my money back! You hear me? I will come to your home and photon the shit out of it! ROBOT We have no weapons, Captain. We can’t blast anybody. RON Damnit Robot! He doesn’t know that. ROBOT Yes he does. He gave us the number to buy them. BRIGSBY Listen Barry, if you could just double check that number andRON Shut up Brigsby! Let me handle this! I am the Captain of the ship. JANE You’re a rock collector, Ron. RON Damnit Jane! I need some quiet in here! Can you all justCOBALT Barry, if you don’t give us our money back I’m gonna find you and stick my big black dick so far up your ass you ain’t never gonna get the taste of my dick outta yo’ mouth! Everyone stops. Then:
24.
RON ...yeah. We’re gonna...do that. So...get us our...money. Or else...that’s gonna... happen. Ron hangs up the communication line. RON (CONT’D) ...Okay. Well, I guess that should take care of that. Next order of business: Cloaking device. Where are we? Zander enters the Bridge. RON (CONT’D) Oh hello, Lieutenant. Mr. Teague. Captain. ZANDER RON
ZANDER Look, I finished my report. RON Oh yeah? How’d we do? ZANDER Well, after speaking with the majority of your crew members I have deduced that not only are you completely incompetent and quite possibly mentally ill but also a danger to yourself and the Alliance. I am therefore recommending, much to my displeasure, that I remain on board until your term is completed. In the meantime I will retire to private quarters of my choosing where I will review the log and make arrangements for my belongings to be sent aboard. Zander walks out. COBALT Now we gotta deal with this guy all up in our shit. BRIGSBY Sorry Captain.
25.
RON Ah, come on. Don’t sweat it Brigs. This guy’s not any different than any of you were when we first started out on this mission. And what did we all learn from our first days of working together? That anybody can be won over. Anybody can convinced that our goal is a valiant goal. He wants to be etched into the history books just as much as all of us. It won’t be long before he slips right in and becomes a member of the team. And what’s the first step in making someone part of team? Cobalt raises his hand. Cobalt? Haze him. RON (CONT’D) COBALT
RON That’s right. We’re gonna break him off a piece of some good old fashioned Rock Collector Seven hazing. BRIGSBY What did you have in mind? RON I’m thinking we set our phasers to stun and blast him. I’ll take this black marker and write BONER on his forehead. He’ll wake up and have no idea what happened! Then he’ll walk around all day and people will be calling him “Boner”. “Hey Boner!” What’s up Boner!?” “Hey everybody look, it’s Lieutenant Boner!” Jane sighs. RON (CONT’D) Brigs, where’s he at? BRIGSBY Uh...looks like he’s back down in the bay. RON Alright boys let’s move.
26.
INT. BAY - MOMENTS LATER Zander is ordering two CREW MEMBERS grab some of his belongings from the ship. AROUND THE CORNER Captain Teague stands with Brigsby and Cobalt. Phasers are out. RON (whispers) Okay, you guys ready? This is gonna be great. Three...two...one! They run around the corner. RON (CONT’D) Hey guy. Welcome aboard! Zander whips around, terrified. All three men blast him with their phasers, laughing hysterically. Zander drops like a sack of potatoes. RON (CONT’D) Woooo! Take that New Guy! That’s the way we do things on the Rock Collector Seven! He takes out the marker as everybody celebrates. RON (CONT’D) And now for phase two. B-O-N-E-R. Okay, everybody grab a limb. Cobalt leans down and takes the Zander’s wrist. His expression changes. He takes his pulse. COBALT Uh...Captain... Yo. RON
COBALT This nigga dead. What’s that? RON
COBALT This nigga dead as hell.
27.
RON What do you mean he’s dead?! COBALT He has no pulse. We killed him. RON We were on stun! I’m on stun! I’m on stun. Brigs? COBALT RON
BRIGSBY I’m on stun too. Cobalt takes his phaser and inspects. COBALT This is kill. What?! BRIGSBY
RON That’s kill Brigsby! Brigsby looks at the symbol on the phaser. That’s stun! BRIGSBY
RON No. Stun has the picture of the guy with the squiggily X’s on his eyes. BRIGSBY I thought those were dead X’s! RON No. Those are electric shock X’s. The “kill setting” is the one with the guy with his eyes closed. BRIGSBY I thought he was sleeping! Like he was stunned! COBALT Oh no. You don’t sleep when you get stunned. That shit hurts.
28.
BRIGSBY Oh man, this is bad! This is really bad! RON This is gonna be a real problem for you, Brigsby. You killed an Alliance officer. BRIGSBY I’m not even supposed to HAVE a phaser! I have no weapons training! If anybody’s gonna get in trouble it’s you for giving us these thing! RON Well, let’s not start pointing the finger here Brigs. Let’s figure out a solution. Everybody calm down. (beat) Okay first thing’s first, Brigsby fashion up a letter to this phaser manufacturer. I’m gonna make a formal complaint. This whole squiggly line thing is just plain dangerous. COBALT Captain. What should we do about this guy? They all look to Teague. He thinks. EXT. SPACE - MOMENTS LATER The rear of the ship moves silently through the beautiful vacuum of space.
We HEAR: The THWOOMP of the pod doors opening. The contorted BODY of Zander Centuri is discharged from the ship. It floats lifelessly into the abyss.
We read: BONER across his forehead.
CREDIT ROLL