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Generator magazine May 2009 Editor-in-Chief: Assistant Editor: Sarah Holmes Melissa Amarianos Music Editor: Movies Editor: Paige Zangoglia Justine Mann Team Marist’s Women’s Rugby T eam Literature Editor: Theatre Editor: Features Jennifer Sommer Ashleigh Whitfield 7 Top Ten Easy Ways to Go Green By Mary Treuer 11 The Great Foxhunt 20 teams, 150 clues, 12 hours By Jennifer Sommer 13-14 Marist College Women’s Rugby One club sport that trained hard Opinion Editor: Fashion Editor: and fundraised to make it Mary Treuer Christine Urgola to Nationals By Amanda Benton Club Mascot George >>> 15 Marist Fights Back Against Cancer Relay for Life 2009 By Mary Treuer Photography Editor: 20 Dancing Right Off Campus Stand-out performances make up for lack of diversity at Dance Show By Sarah Sarah Dubrule Faculty Advisor Dubrule Dr. Richard Backpage: Coolest House on Campus Gartland Grinnell Commons E3 shows off its stylish uniqueness By Casper Vigil 1 Music 19 -20 An Evening With the Queen of Independent 3 Spring Sounds in the Sun Jack’s Mannequin, Matt Film Actress Lili Taylor shows and tells how and why “art Nathanson, and Erin McCarley perform for SPC’s Spring is bigger than you” By Storm Heitman Concert By Olivia McMahon 21 Fashion on Film A look at the high-fashioned stylings of 4 Summer Music Festival: The Revival What a music Gossip Girl By Justine Mann festival experience is like and where to find one this summer By Opinion Storm Heitman 22 Late Night Disaster Jimmy Fallon’s debut on late night television can’t compare to Conan O’Brien By Melissa 5 Album Reviews A variety of Amarianos albums to check out over the summer months By Paige 23 Pursuing the Dream (House) and How Priority Zangoglia Points Destroyed the Dream Housing selection reveals flaws in system By Christie Gorman 6 Not for Those Who are Easily Offended Steven Lynch played at 24 The Importance of College Relationships Why the Bardavon for his 3 Balloons relations with significant others, friends, family, and yourself Tour By Olivia McMahon are necessary and helfpul By Sarah Briggs 7 No Need for the Binary Code Solo A theorist claims 25 Mike Arteaga’s Health & Fitness Center An extra there is nothing special about music, nothing important By $30 a month may be worth it By Christine Urgola Billy Berard 26 My Modest Proposal To solve America’s economic Literature and obesity problems simultaneously By Mike Cresci 8 Once Upon a Poem... Ten poets compete in a twisted fairytale themed Poetry Slam By Jennifer Sommer 9 Writing Beyond College Creative paths are hard to pursue successfully but there is hope for writers By Sarah Holmes 10 Book Review Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen is a must-read for everyone By Photo Credits: Nick Sweeney Cover and 1 c/o Robin Miniter Page 1 c/o Melanie Hoffman Theatre Page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 12, 16, 17, 18, 21, 22, 24, 25, 26 c/o 12 Students Venture Under the Sea To enjoy a CreativeCommons.org Broadway Musical true to Disney’s childhood masterpiece Page 3 c/o Olivia McMahon By Heather Munnelly Page 8 c/o Jennifer Sommer Page 9 c/o Sarah Holmes Movies Page 11 c/o Amanda Benton 16 Movie Review I Love You, Man pleases with funny Pages 13 and 14 c/o Robin Miniter and unique plot but has its flaws By Ashleigh Whitfield Page 15 c/o Mary Treuer 17 Movie Previews What movies are coming to theatres near you By Paige Zangoglia Have an opinion on something that was written? 18 The Festivals You’ve Never Heard of and the Want to write about what music, movies, books or Movies You Will Smaller and less well-known film festivals anything else you have an interest in? offer creativity and entertainment By Justine Mann Email firstname.lastname@example.org or visit http://generatormagazine.blogspot.com/ 2 Spring Sounds in the Sun By Olivia McMahon Anatomy and the movie He’s Just Not audience’s enthusiasm. Such favorites That Into You. included “Dark Blue”, “I’m Ready”, “Holiday After a brief break, Matt Nathanson from Real”, “Bruised”, and their older single, took the stage to quite a bit of applause “The Mixed Tape”. and cheering. He appeared to have a huge They also played what would be female fan base, and I’m not going to lie – considered Jack’s Mannequin’s love ballad, by the end of his set, I had jumped on the “MFEO”, which stands for Made For Each bandwagon. I don’t know if it was his Other: an 8 minute song that transitions from great stage presence, his sense of humor, an upbeat supposition of “oh maybe, we were or the fact that he wore a tie to a concert made for each other,” to a sweet intimate, and that made him so desirable to all the girls certainly more heartfelt, storyline. As a treat in the crowd. Maybe it was the wedding to Andrew McMahon’s fans of his former ring that made him forbidden. But it could band, Something Corporate, the band played be that his music is extremely good. And a song the piano man had written when he Matt Nathanson is –there’s no easy way was 16, entitled “Cavanaugh Park”. As if around this –a tad sexual. From the jokes apologizing for never having that Something he made, to some of his dance moves, Corporate reunion tour, he often plays one even his music. He was great with the song that was done by him and his previous crowd and interacted with us a lot, singing band. Matt Nathanson Enrique Iglesias when one of his songs They ended the set with a crowd pleaser, sounded similar to that of the Latin pop the good-feeling “La La Lie”, a dedication of It was a good start to the day: the nice star. He also asked us to sing along to “Jesse’s sorts to friends, with Andrew showing off his weather continued and by one o’clock, people Girl” when another one of his songs consisted skills with the harmonica. Many were were gathering down by the river, ready for of the same sort of melody. He played quite a disappointed, however, when no encore the show. Sunday, April 26, was the SPC’s few popular songs: “Laid” (from the American ensued. The majority of the crowd left but a Spring Concert and I was particularly excited Wedding soundtrack); “Come On Get Higher,” few hopefuls lingered around the stage in because my band of choice had been selected which can be heard on the radio now; “To The hopes of getting a set list or water bottle that to play: Jack’s Mannequin. Beat of Our Noisy Hearts,” a seriously catchy touched the lead singer’s lips. In the end, just For those not familiar with the band, think tune; Still, a song which he told everyone “to two boys remained at the metal bar, yelling for California beaches, sunny days and breezy go home and fondle each other to”; and several the lead singer to come back out and play one warm nights. Often upbeat with fun lyrics and others I cannot name due to just joining his more song. It was a great show in general with melodies, they’re a great soundtrack for fanbase. the diversity of the personalities of the summer. Front man Andrew McMahon (we After quite a bit of waiting, Andrew performers who played and we can only look have the same last name!) has thousands of McMahon of Jack’s Mannequin took the stage forward to the Fall concert. adoring fans, some that he snagged from Jack’s accompanied by thunderous applause. At least, Mannequin’s first CD, Everything in Transit, as much as applause can be and others that remained loyal after he left his thunderous when the crowd consists first band, Something Corporate. of less than 300 people. They began Opening for Jack’s Mannequin were two with “Crashing,” the first song off of artists: Erin McCarley and Matt Nathanson. I their new CD, The Glass Passenger. hadn’t heard of either of these people before, The set continued with several songs but apparently Matt Nathanson had paid a off of their new album such as: visit to Marist before. So it was with high “Spinning”, “Annie Use Your hopes for the day that I set off toward the Telescope”, “The Drop Out”, “Swim”, tunnel where tickets were ripped, concert “Bloodshot”, and of course their bracelets were distributed and water bottles single, “The Resolution”. were chucked upon entering for fear that they Andrew is a hurricane on stage, would contain anything but water. College always moving, despite being Activities provided tents to avoid the heat, anchored by the piano on which he free water and food and an emergency tent for plays, often jumping off his stool and those who could potentially become knocking it over. He is rarely stationary dehydrated. and at some points even jumped up Around 2 PM the show began with Erin onto his piano, stomping on the keys McCarley taking the stage. Her music is quite before jumping off to the great good and she had a small but faithful fan base enjoyment of the crowd. in the crowd who weresinging along and When Jack’s Mannequin played dancing to her songs. She has had the good old favorites off of their first album fortune to have her music featured in several everyone in the crowd went crazy, popular TV shows like Kyle XY and Grey’s shouting the words so that Andrew was barely heard singing over AndrewMcMahon 3 Summer Music Festival: The Revival By Storm Heitman Growing up in Seattle, there was only one my friends and I treated it as our own version My only negative Bumbershoot experience part of the year that I looked more forward to of the Amish’s Rumspringa, one last wild party was when I found myself in the middle of a than Christmas, and that was the summer music to indulge in the carefree spirit of summer mosh pit at The Fall of Troy, where some idiot and arts festival known as Bumbershoot. before returning to dull months of routine and decided it would be a great idea to open an Every Labor Day weekend, my friends and responsibility. umbrella, the metal prongs inadvertently I would dawn our best hemp accessories and Some of my fondest memories of the event slicing the skin under my left eye (thankfully I Birkenstock sandals as we bummed around include the time I danced soaking wet in the needed no stitches and the guy later bought Seattle Center basking in its 74 acres full of Center’s giant fountain to the sounds of United me a chocolate dipped strawberry kabob, so artists of all disciplines and musical genres States of Electronica and the time I juggled naturally, all was forgiven). with different levels of notoriety at a variety colorful strips of fabric with Boe (this dirty This summer marks the 40 year anniversary of unique indoor and outdoor venues. hippie/sex-offender who has become of the music festival that started it all, A three day pass to Bumbershoot only somewhat of an icon in the city and who can Woodstock ’69, and with it comes impressive cost $80, substantially cheap considering the be found hallucinating and flashing his line-ups all over the country as well as the value of the exposure to new music as well as genitalia at all of the major streetevents). release of Ang Lee’s much the chance to see several anticipated “Taking Woodstock” headliners for a significantly which will feature college-favorite smaller price than it would be to comedian Demitri Martin’s first see them play independently. starring role in a film. Falling on the last weekend before the start of the new school year, Sasquatch Where: Jersey City, NJ When: May 23-25 Who To See: Beastie Boys, Where: Quincy, WA (at The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Vampire Gorge) Weekend, MSTRKRFT, The Who To See: The National, Tool, My Bloody Decemberists, M.Ward, Valentine, Gogol Bordello, Passion Pit, Blind Pilot, Arctic Monkeys, Coldplay, Explosions inthe Sky, Mos MGMT, Mogwai Def, Natalie Portman’s Cost: $199 (3 day pass) Shaved Head, Bon Iver. Experience: Four of today’s Cost: $154.50 (3 day pass) best British bands in a setting Experience: the best of the with panoramic views of the west at an award winning amphitheatre Bonnaroo statue of Liberty, Ellis Island and the nestled next to the scenic Columbia When: June 11-14 Manhattan skyline. River. Not to be missed is King Khan & Where: Manchester, TN The Shrines (James Brown reincarnated Who To See: Animal Collective, Bruce Pitchfork Springsteen, Beastie Boys, MGMT, When: July 17-19 as a 30 something year old Indian Andrew Bird, Band of Horses, TV on the Where: Chicago, IL hipster). Radio, Yeah Yeah Yeahs Cost: $75 (3 day pass) Cost: $249.50 for a three day pass Who To See: The Flaming Lips, Yo La Lollapalooza (ouch!) Tengo, The National, Grizzly Bear, The When: August 7-9 Experience: Packing the back of your Walkmen Where: Chicago, IL pick-up truck with all your closest Experience: The closest thing our Who To See: Kings of Leon, The Killers, friends, hosing down topless girls, the generation has to Woodstock. Hosted by Silversun Pickups, Santigold, Of Decider Chicago (an online journal who Montreal, Lou Reed, Snoop Dog, The 100 acre “entertainment village” including has become a leading voice in the realm Airborne Toxic Event a “silent disco”(...I couldn’t make this of independent music), Pitchfork is all Cost: $190 (3 day pass) stuff up). about the nearly-famous bands you will Experience: The holy grail of alternative All Points West pay three times as much to see two rock which was created by Perry Farrell When: July 31-August 2 years from now. (front man of Jane’s Addiction). 4 Album: All I Ever Wanted Artist: Kelly Clarkson Genre: Pop Re-emerging with an album full of catchy sing-a-long worthy tracks, Clarkson provides a list of feel good tracks such as “I Do Not Hook Up” and “I Want You” as well as a fair share of ballads like “Save You” and “If No One Will Listen” that put Clarkson’s signature powerful voice on display. Album:Fantasies Artist: Metric Genre: Alt Rock A new reinvented sound for Metric, Fantasies is a wonderfully cohesive album combines catchy synth rock on tracks like “Help I’m Alive”, with raw vocals and lyrics and dance-y beats on tracks like “Stadium Love” and “Gold Guns Girls”. Album: A Shipwreck in the Sand Artist: Silverstein Genre: Rock A dynamic new release, A Shipwreck in the Sand does not disappoint. Starting off the album, “A Great Fire” combines compelling scream breakdowns with a melodic and catchy chorus. The trend continues throughout the album, with tracks displaying emotional and energetic lyrics and melodies. Album:It’s Blitz!- Artist: Yeah Yeah Yeahs Genre: Alt Rock Returning with a very synth-y and electronic sound, It’s Blitz! seems somewhat softer than earlier albums. Although lacking the signature screams and harder rock sounds characteristic of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, tracks like “Dull Life,” “Shame and Fortune” and “Hysteric” are catchy and fun to listen to. By Paige Zangoglia 5 Not For Those Who Are Easily Offended There should be a warning for those not name is about a man smuggling drugs out and “Craig”, an ode to Jesus’ evil brother. familiar with the musical stylings of Stephen of a foreign country in 3 balloons…well, you These don’t sound too bad? That’s because Lynch: Caution –Not for those who are easily can guess where. The twist at the end? The they’re some of the tamest songs he has. offended. Of course, I am not one of these man is the pilot. He has a gift to leave people aghast, and people so when I heard that he would be He played many favorites such as believe me, he does it well. performing at the Bardavon Opera House, I “Special Ed”, about his special childhood But comedy is not the only thing he does immediately ordered my tickets, anxious to friend; “Beelz”, a song about a very well. Lynch starred in the show The Wedding see this witty and flamboyant Singer when it was on Broadway. He has cutting comedian. S a t a n ; amazing vocal range in addition to his Now, I say “Pierre”, a amazing ability to offend. If you get the “musical stylings” song he chance to see him, and you’re willing to take because Lynch is not wrote on a that risk of being stunned by his gall, like most comedians bet about a definitely get those tickets, you won’t regret out there. Yes, he’s French bum it. rude, swears too in New York; By Olivia McMahon much, and makes jokes that (more often than not) cross the line, but he does this in song! Armed with his guitar and a friend or two to accompany him in his insult slinging, he simultaneously makes the crowd laugh and go “ooo!” with disbelief. No one can stay mad at this comedic singing prodigy for long. He has thought of jokes that have never even grazed the surface before, so horrible is some of the subject matter. Lynch goes above and beyond the ordinary subjects of comedians and far surpasses those who stick to “red- neck” jokes. And in that lies his allure: you are always surprised. And Lynch did not disappoint the night of April 17th at the Bardavon. It was a packed house, the audience ranging from high-schoolers to grown adults. He came out with a new song called “Waiting” and for fear of negative feedback, I will not disclose the subject of the song, but for those familiar with his work, it was right up his usual alley. He just had a new album put out, entitled 3 Balloons. Most of the material he played at this show was from this new CD but it was full of his usual antics and surprises. The song from which the album takes its 6 No Need for the binary Code solo By Billy Berard Top Ten Ways to Go Green As a constant listener of “popular” music, By Mary Treuer with years of amateur musicianship to hone my ears, I was crushed to see a theorization as bleak as Adorno’s. Adorno’s Case Against 10. Bag the paper. Bag the plastic. If you haven’t noticed by now, plenty of Popular Music claims there is nothing special supermarkets have cut down on the amount of plastic and paper bags used in their to music, nothing important. stores. The more environmentally friendly version, the canvas reusable bag, is We like music because our bodies are pro- becoming popular in stores. Buy a few to replace plastic and paper bags. Many grammed to, not because we are individuals, ambitious, lonely or in love. What appeals to stores will even credit you for each bag! our senses is something intrinsic and standard- ized, prepackaged for convenience and easy. 9. Turn it off. Often, we find ourselves looking into the windows of many dorm Songs in major keys are most popular be- rooms lit up by the glow of a lamp. Often, such rooms aren’t even being occupied. cause our bodies are programmed to enjoy Turn off the lights and save some electricity! such things—the human voice actually har- monizes with itself in a major scale so hearing 8. Take advantage of both sides. Instead of printing from your room, wasting major keys comforts us just as human interac- your ink, and using only one side of paper, take advantage of the library printers. tion would. If you play a song in a major key These printers are defaulted to print on both sides of the page and save paper. for an infant who has never heard music, it will be happy, a minor key will make it cry. This fact almost ruined music for me. The 7. Subtract two wheels. Driving your car may be the “cool” way to get around, but mediocre songs I wrote weren’t really original, it is actually making the atmosphere a lot warmer. Ride a bike to close distances. they were just a formula I naturally stumbled The environment will thank you and your legs will too. upon to fulfill some primal need. The songs I’ve listened to at every free 6. No need to stay connected. When you aren’t using a charger for a phone, moment weren’t masterpieces of emotion, but laptop, or IPod, there is no reason to keep it plugged into the outlet. Electricity is still mathematical equations to appeal to the wid- being used, without something that needs battery power. est range of people. ABABCAB, verse, cho- rus, verse, chorus, bridge verse, chorus; this, or a close variation, will capture the attention 5. Drive with company. Carpooling isn’t just one of those fads that faded out after and wallets of the population in general. It’s the energy crisis of the seventies, it’s a good idea. Enjoy bonding time with a friend that easy. on a car ride and save gas. I’ve tried to listen to the music Adorno thinks is acceptable. I can’t do it: it’s abrasive, 4. Be a better buyer. Certain products are made with Mother Earth in mind. Look anti-melodic, and if there’s singing it won’t be at the labels on products and purchase what is most beneficial to the environment. pleasant. Just smashing drums and spacey pi- ano riffs so abstract that if heard out of context 3. Grow something. Planting a garden or even a few greens puts oxygen in the air might be mistaken for AOL dial-up noises. It’s and beautifies an outdoor space. If you grow fruits and vegetables, you can really work to enjoy. This is actually one of Adorno’s key “have your cake and eat it too.” qualms with “popular music.” It’s so easy that it makes you stupid. It makes you stupid and it 2. R-E-C-Y-C-L-E. Recycle. The old song from the hit Nickelodeon show, brainwashes you. The only way to break the Rocko’s Modern Life speaks the truth. Recycling is one of the easiest ways to take spell is to challenge yourself with something care of the environment. And with the amount of recycling bins on the Marist strange. Campus, there is really no excuse. As hard as I’ve tried, I can’t commit to Adorno’s unpopular ideas. I agree with them, 1. Be smart. Stay educated on ways to become more environmentally friendly and but I can’t force myself to break from what I contribute to a healthier planet. Be informed of Green collar jobs, which are enjoy naturally. The only positive conclusion becoming the careers of the future. that I can reach is that maybe it isn’t so bad to be human. Maybe we shouldn’t fight it. 7 Once Upon a Poem... By Jennifer Sommer The Finalists: Olivia McMahon, Pamela Gomez, and Gabrielle Albino Once upon a time, in a not so far away fairytales such as Snow White and Cinderella accomplished its goal; the event was so land, there was a group of people who an R-rating. packed that there weren’t enough seats for wanted to share their love of the spoken word “What we really wanted to do was create all the poetry enthusiasts. with everyone so they created the Red Fox a fun atmosphere where anyone could During the event ten poets competed to Poetry Slam. This event was known all win a one hundred dollar prize and bragging throughout the land, thanks to some great rights. They were judged by two faculty PR and lots of student support. The event members, Dr. Leah Graham and Colin was going great until one day a mighty McCann, and student body President, Steve dragon… The Literary Arts Society Townsend. The ten poets covered Okay so maybe the Annual Red Fox (LAS) Meets Every everything from lost love to infomercials in Poetry Slam, hosted by the Literary Arts Wednesday at 9:30 PM in the the first round. After this round the judges Society (LAS), wasn’t created in your chose five to continue in the competition typical fairytale fashion but this year’s Commuter Lounge, located in and then the poets were given fairytale theme, “Once Upon a Poem…” did give the the Student Center. Everyone themed topics at random and asked to write event that feel. is Welcome to Join. a poem in fifteen minutes. For one night the club transformed the The results were quite entertaining and Cabaret into a fairytale themed poet’s dream. after much deliberation the judges deemed The stage was decorated in various props Gabrielle Albino, a sophomore and newbie such as castle walls and a distinctly familiar to the poetry slam world, the winner. looking mirror, courtesy of the MCCTA Second place was given to freshman Olivia props closet. Guests were given shirts with come…we didn’t just want English majors, McMahon and third place was awarded to a castle on the front and the phrase “Once we wanted to reach as many people as Pamela Gomez, a sophomore. Upon a Poem…” while being both possibly possible. It’s what art is about right?” Kelly Overall the slam was a big success so entertained and mildly offended by MCs Katie Gallucci, the club’s Secretary told me. perhaps there is such a thing as happily ever Warren and James Napoli, who gave beloved It seems as though the club after. 8 Writing Beyond College By Sarah Holmes English writing majors may be laughed “The MFA or PhD in Creative Writing is for example, is one of the genres where at by their Business and Biomedical peers the only route to a tenure-track position in Clements recommends cultivating one’s writ- for choosing a path paved with sheets of writing, but only a small percentage of people ing skills. paper and thousands of pens, rather than coming through those programs get the cov- “The trick is that the landscape is chang- one cushioned with hefty paychecks and eted jobs,” Clements said, emphasizing the ing rapidly, and the more skills you can ob- security cubicles. Their parents may kid them fact that he was one of the lucky ones teach- tain in online delivery of content/information, as of they have chosen an art major; but the ing. the better prospects you’ll have. That’s the truth is, it all comes down to the same thing While he offered the real deal to us he kind of challenge that faces anyone inter- for any major: what can you do with your also provided insight into what does allow ested in a writing or college teaching career degree? these days—adapting to the rapidly When you think of writers you think changing job markets,” he said. of big novelists, screenwriters, poets, Getting a job or starting off your and similar professions where recogni- career path after college is stressful for tion is necessary to earn enough money everyone but it’s good to know what to survive. If you’re willing to rely is out there ahead of time. Clements solely on your creative prowess to pro- said we may be surprised as to find vide for yourself, a future in writing is that many people in communications, dark and filled with potential poverty public relations, and science fields and madness. As with most fine art stu- don’t know how to write and that com- dents, it takes hard work, a lot of net- panies are willing to pay people to write working, and a lot more time to be suc- up any number of documents for them. cessful. It’s also good to consider what The other creative writing option to skills you have learned already and consider is teaching, an option for any what you can still learn now while the major but one that is hard to obtain in resources are available to you. this field. But writing to make a living Clements used skills he learned from is not confined to getting on the New as early as high school towards his York Times’ Best Seller’s List or becom- jobs now, his experience with his high ing a creative writing professor, in fact, school magazine and subsequently his there are hundreds of positions where college literary magazine gave him the writers are wanted. knowledge to publish his own prose Writing skills can be applied any- poetry journal, Sentence. where where communication through Publishing a subscription literary written documents is key. These prac- journal and teaching and coordinating tical writing skills are far more likely to at WCSU provides the food for the open up employment opportunities and table but his food for his soul has also bring in a salary than even your most been published in various books Flesh Shakespearean poetry. and Wood, Essays Against Ruin, and That is why poet, professor, and pub- writers to continue to do what they love best. most recently, And How to End It. He is also lisher Brian Clements now coordinates a Basically, write and publish as much as you featured in two online collections, Ion and unique Masters of Fine Arts (MFA) program can. Burn Whatever Will Burn: A Book of Com- at Western Connecticut State which trains And the more genres you have experience mon Rituals. students in both creative and practical writ- in the better, both creatively and practically, His success as a poet, publisher, and pro- ing. It offers “Food for the soul and food for as his program emphasizes. That means write fessor is a perfect example of what he told the table,” the website claims. articles for a local or student newspaper, re- Marist students; you need to network, pub- Clements visited Marist in early April to views for a magazine, submit poetry and fic- lish, and, most importantly, write, if you want talk about writers’ futures after college in tion to literary magazines, and of course there to have a future in writing. the Henry Hudson room. He offered up a is always your student-run arts and enter- pretty bleak picture to the students gath- tainment magazine that gets published twice Dr. Lea Graham’s Poetry Workshop ered there who were interested in spreading a semester. interviewed Brian Clements through a blog their creativity to the world, and possibly It may seem like self-promotion here but that can be found at making a career out of it. the truth is the bigger and more diverse your http://poetry311.blogspot.com/ Teaching jobs in creative writing are few portfolio, the more likely you’ll find a job and while the number of applicants to these jobs one that you’ll like. Plus, the only downside For more information for writer job increases exponentially each year when to trying out a new style of writing is the outlook go to: http://stats.bls.gov/oco/ those who failed to make it from year before possibility of not liking it but then you don’t ocos089.htm#emply continue to go after the same positions. have to do it again. Online writing, blogging 9 Addicted to Water for Elephants Writing? Book Review elephant right? By the way, did I mention By Nick Sweeney that she only takes commands in Polish? But if characters aren’t your thing, it’s Don’t have the space or okay. I won’t hold it against you. There’s a the time for a workshop So what happens when you put the bit of everything for readers. Love and hate, Great Depression, a travelling circus, and a life and death, happiness and depression, all class? thrilling love triangle together? Maybe you of these themes flow throughout the whole should find out by reading Water for novel so smoothly that it might take a second Elephants, a fast paced yet deep novel read to understand the book’s full Want to be part of a written by Sara Gruen. The story revolves complexity. All of these characters are growing community of around the circus life during the Great intertwined into a thrilling and puzzle filled Depression. This New York Times bestseller writers here at Marist? is much more than a simple love and life at plot. I guarantee the first chapter will keep you on the edge of your seat. In fact, I not the circus story, but I don’t think it would only ask of you to read this once, but twice, be fun if I told you the ending. Maybe you should stop by Between the fascinating plot structure as it will definitely make more sense with the intense love triangle. Well, a love of sorts Pen and Paper Addicts, a and the realistic characters, I found it I suppose. Maybe the title isn’t as explosive student created blog for difficult to put this book down. The readers as Michael Bay special effects, but the plot are thrown in the middle of things almost definitely is. students who want to read immediately and have to continue reading Whether you want something to read and write poems, essays, about Jacob, the main character, and his because of your secret love for life in the new life at the circus. However, as exciting circus, or because you want a good book short fiction and play as a novel can be, this baby is deep and about hope during a time when hope was scenes. One of the most well written to the extent that it will probably scarce, just try Water for Elephants. Maybe be taught in literature classes for years to you just want to read a story that contains important parts of becoming come. an elephant. I don’t know, but I do know a writer is receiving Historically accurate, it’s simple to find that you should give this novel a shot the examples of how Sara Gruen did her feedback and learning how research; she includes many minute next time you wander around the bookstore. to give proper criticism. descriptions of news that’s happening at the time and pictures of old circuses as taken Being part of a writer during the time of the economic crisis community helps in outlined in the novel. This is only one of addition to this because the reasons why this book receives renowned praise. The other is the fact that you find people with one of the main characters is an animal, common interests and but we’ll get to that soon enough. Being a huge fan of characters and their goals. little quirks, this book was just what the doctor ordered. Between the dwarf veteran If you are interested in this, circus worker Kinko to the ambitiously evil Uncle Al, all the characters bring something email to the table and this table is jam packed with Nicholas.Sweeney1@marist.edu flaws, tension, and imagination. This novel for more information. also contains an interesting romance and the concept of acting on emotions and morals with the character conflicts that If you want to see the blog, present themselves as the novel progresses. follow the link http:// And then there is Rosie, the elephant. It penandpaperaddicts.blogspot.com/ wouldn’t be a circus story without an . 10 The Great Foxhunt By Jennifer Sommer Foxhunt is a campus wide scavenger hunt check that we have everything. Digital cam- loaded with cans of food (sorry Tom, we still that basically comes down to a few stipulations: era? Check. White board? Check. Doug and owe you some Spaghetti-Os), take a late night 20 teams of 5, 20 digital cameras, 150 clues, and Tom? Check. journey to St. Ann’s (causing some members of 12 hours. The rules? Don’t separate from your 8:00 AM Nineteen other teams of five are our team to insist they see ghosts), almost team, walk everywhere, four out of five team packed into the Leo lounge. Excitement buzzes cause one of our team members to fall into the members must be in every picture, and all team through the air as we wait for everything to Hudson, play Rock Band, and search high and member must pretend to be a red fox in every start. I want the day to start already. We’ve low for a bronze fork. picture they’re in. Foxhunt may seem a bit ri- been anticipating this day for weeks. 8:45 PM The day is almost over as we enter diculous and perhaps it is but it’s also one of 8:50 AM Team captains are asked to go to the Leo Lounge, which has become the base of the most fun experiences I’ve ever had. the front of the lounge where they must lunge operations for the day, to upload all of our pic- The following are the events as they hap- for their team’s folder. tures. pened as best as I can remember them (it was a 9:00 AM The staff yells go and I grab the 9:00 PM I’ve never been so exhausted in long day): red folder, running outside to find the rest of my entire life. I’m sitting with the rest of my 7:00 AM My alarm clock begins to play the my team. team in the cabaret. We’ve been together for familiar sounds of Motion City Soundtrack, 9:10 AM We each take a paper with sheets over 12 hours now, but we’re still willing to share dragging me out of my reverie. It’s a Saturday of clues on them. We sit down in the grass a meal together. Everyone told us we’d be at morning. I shouldn’t be awake. I should still and begin to write down answers before run- each other’s throats by now but that’s not the be sleeping. I sigh and roll out of bed. ning off to the location of the first clue. case. We’re still excited, talking about our 7:30 AM I put on the navy blue shirt that The rest of the day is a blur of running chances of winning as we eat. was given to me by the Foxhunt staff and grab back and forth across campus, taking hundreds 9:30 PM I’m not sure if its delirium or ex- my backpack. I don’t know when I’ll be return- of pictures, and receiving random text mes- cess adrenaline but Erin, Joe, and I can’t stop ing to my dorm again so I’ve packed it full of sages from the Foxhunt staff signaling team laughing as we walk back listening to Tom and supplies: snacks, water, a digital camera, challenges such as who can collect the most Doug complain about how much their feet hurt sweatshirt, USB cable, and a marker. perishable food or “Name that Tune”. as they hobble along behind us. 7:45 AM I meet the four other crazy people We run after a tour group to take a picture We still don’t know who the winners are who agreed to go on this adventure with me in with them, find license plates from every state but despite that fact we’re already talking about the middle of the Gartland green. We double possible, run across campus with backpacks next year. 11 Students Venture Under the Sea By Heather Munnelly Just off Broadway, in the middle of Time love on land. The Broadway show holds true the swimming sea creatures, including Square, a small playhouse is bringing to the Disney storyline, with a few Flounder and the mermaids, swim across the imaginations to life. unnoticeable differences. It accurately stage in disguised roller skates. The mermaids’ Swimming mermaids, handsome princes, portrays everything The Little Mermaid stands tails are made of a flexible spring, which moves and evil sea witches all come together in one for, and the lessons it reveals. through the water like you would expect a incredible show. It’s no wonder why everyone Marist students who attended the mermaid’s tail to do. At one point, Ursula’s is talking about The Little Mermaid. When most Saturday matinee of the show last month octopus-like tentacles expand across the entire people hear this title, they usually picture an observed stunning performances. The cast stage to dramatize her power and the sinister animated Walt Disney film with an audience of consisted of Ariel, played by Sierra Boggess, atmosphere of her cave. Also, when Ariel and 5 to 12 year olds. However, The Little Mermaid Prince Eric, played by Sean Palmer, Flounder, Prince Eric are making their way to the surface, on Broadway is a show to be seen by everyone. played by Trevor Braum, and Sebastian, Eric is lifted up by an undetectable chord while In line, you will find people from ages one to Triton, and Scuttle played by Rodrigo Douglas the backdrop changes and Ariel swims from ninety one anxiously awaiting the show. Inside Jr., Norm Lewis, and Korbich respectively. the stage. This makes for a really cool effect the theatre, there is not a bad seat in the house, Though all of these actors were great in their from the audience’s perspective. Throughout because the characters are constantly moving rolls, one character who truly stood out was the show, huge, sparkling columns reflect light and surprising you. From the characters, to the Faith Prince as Ursula. Her voice is powerful and color to enhance the settings. The sets costumes, to the amazing moving set design, and perfectly tuned. She plays her character are changed quickly and efficiently between The Little Mermaid should definitely be high so well that the audience can’t help but be a scenes without distracting from the show, and priority for any Broadway lover. little afraid of her, even while she takes her the costumes in every scene are appropriate Everyone knows the story of Ariel the final bow. Braum is, by far, one of the most and creative. Every scene has a life like, but mermaid, one of seven daughters of King adorable little boys to ever set foot on still majestic and surreal background that Triton, King of the sea. They live together in a Broadway. He is the perfect young actor for brings the show to an entirely new level than beautiful, oceanic kingdom with many other the nervous, yellow fish he plays. As well, the movie. pleasant sea creatures. Unfortunately, this life Douglas Jr. does a great job embodying the The costumes, characters, and incredible is unfulfilling for Ariel, who yearns for human character of Sebastian, a high strung crab set design make The Little Mermaid a must- legs and adventure. After disobeying her father whose job is to assist Triton and keep Ariel see for all Broadway fans. From Ariel and her and going to the surface several times, she out of trouble. Not one of the actors was a prince, to Sebastian and Ursula, all the realizes she wants to be with Prince Eric, whom disappointment. characters will delight you. The set designs she has seen from afar, and goes to see Ursula, The innovative costumes and set designs are constantly moving to excite the audience, the Sea Witch. In her dark lair, Ursula tricks make the show more intriguing for viewers than and the story line stays true to that of the Ariel into signing away her beautiful voice until the original Walt Disney video. The show original Walt Disney film. There are many other Eric kisses her. Unfortunately, if this does not begins with an enormous boat, swaying in the aspects of the show that make it one not to be happen in three days, she will remain voiceless current of the fake waves below. Prince Eric missed, but the only way to truly grasp the and become one of Ursula’s “poor unfortunate and his crew are aboard, singing and talking in enormity of the show’s success is to take a souls.” Ariel experiences many ups and downs appropriate costumes. The next scene moves road trip down to New York City’s theatre in her journey, but after a little twist, she is under the sea with Ariel and her friends. All district and check it out for yourself. given her father’s blessing to be with her true 12 Marist College is already packed. 80 degree Florida heat can feel as we run laps We pick up around a lake we’re convinced is populated by t r a v e l i n g crocodiles. We’re not worried we boast, ‘cause companions as we we’re quite agile. In addition to the hot sun make our way to and the impending emergence of the feared the Diner for crocs, the Florida grass was not welcoming as “breakfast”. it tore at our skin determined to leave us scarred 4:00am While and bleeding before practice was over. waiting for the bus, we discover Friday 9:00am. After almost a full night’s sleep, just how many we’re up and ready and at the field. We must rugby players it look like an army as we run in two even lines in actually takes to our matching red shirts and black shorts. The get 20 uniforms tension can be felt. Excitement hangs in the air and 6 rugby balls like static. We are the underdogs: The number into our carry-ons. 16 team from nowhere, New York ready to take Senior Captain Andrea Hart and Lacey Mendillo 7:15am Check-in on the number one team in the U.S. and the and security at the defending National Champs. No one expects What do you get when you take a motley airport goes crew of 36 young women, a few pregnant Women’s relatively smoothly footballs, lots of mud, even more bruises, and for 36 over-tired and one talking skeleton mascot aptly named over-excited college George? Only the sweetest club sport on students operating campus. Alright - so maybe we’re a bit biased. on an average of But as a member of the Marist College Women’s about 2 hours of Rugby Team, the past year has been a whirlwind sleep … especially of passion, ferocity, and heart. considering one of This past September we moved up from anything less than a massacre. Except for us. our carry-ons is a 3-foot skeleton, our mascot We’re ready; and we’re confident as we run Division III to Divison II after a successful 2007 named George. 10:00am. Some hours of season. My 35 talented, dedicated, and basically the flash lines we know by heart, as we make cramped sleep later, we emerge, hungry and passes we’ve been practicing for months, as all-around amazing teammates and I continued hot in the Orlando Airport. In a sort of reverse this streak through our fall 2008 season as we we set into the scrum like pros. We’re ready for Cool Runnings tribute, we all change to ready this. 9:50am. Ten minutes till game time. went undefeated, leaving most opponents ourselves for the new “extreme” 80-something scoreless. Led by alumnae Maren Milliard and Adrenaline is pumping as we circle up for our degree heat. 4:00pm We learn just how hot pre-game traditions. Anyone in a 10 mile radius Danielle Hundt, we then went on to conquer the Northeast for the first time in Marist College history. In November, we travelled to Maine via the most indirect course possible (Rhode Island anyone?) in the hopes of making a statement to the rugby world at the Division II Northeast Championships. There we suffered their first loss of the season in a tough game against Stonehill which ended with a very close score of 15 – 7. We fought back through the rest of the tournament to earn the second seed in the Northeast and 16th seed in the nation. This is how we found ourselves five months later, on April 17th, smack-dab in the middle of Florida ready to face off for the title of National Champions. Thursday, April 16th - 2:42am. Alarm. Damn; those 2 hours went fast. Why did we even bother going to bed? Good thing everything 13 now knows we’re excited. 10:00am. Kick-off. national stage. 11:40am Half-time finds us However, we did play spectacularly and Kick-off for the game of our young lives. Kick- ahead by 20 points over the team that was cohesively as a team and even by winning one off for the game we’ve been practicing for, seeded #8, and we are in no way ready to stop game, we did what a lot of people doubted we studying for, and talking about for the last four there. We enter the second half out for blood, could do – we were the ultimate underdog and months. The next 80 minutes passes in a blur determined to run faster, communicate better, we came home with solid win against a very of running, tackling, rucking, scoring, stripping, tackle harder, and score more than the other talented team, and greatly improved our national scrumming, and just flat out playing the best team - show what Marist ranking. Also, many coaches and spectators Women’s Rugby is really made have said we deserved to go to California and Rugby: of. 12:30 Final Score: Marist 39 that we got jipped by having to play Ship in the – Wayne State 0. Success. Now first round – but it is best not to dwell on that we can spend the rest of the too long, lest the frustration mount. It is good glorious day soaking our aches enough to know that our efforts were in the hot tub, eating our weight recognized. in carbs, and showing off our new lovely bruises at either the Tuesday 5:00pm Watch out world. We’re rugby any of us have ever played or seen beach or the pool side. already training for next year. played. 11:30 The final whistle sounds, and the final score is 25-5; Shippensburg wins. But Sunday 3:20am Let me tell you, there’s no we have nothing to hang our heads about; we played solid rugby. We lost by only 20 points, better way to celebrate playing the two hardest games of your life than waking up bright and By Amanda Benton while everyone who is anyone in rugby had early the next morning for a 4 o’clock departure. predicted a loss of 50 points or more. We’re We drag our weary bodies from the hotel to the disappointed yes, but there is always tomorrow. bus and from the bus to airport just barely in time to catch our 6:20 flight from Orlando. Saturday 10:00. Once again we find ourselves 7:51am we land in Georgia and pass out on the on the rugby field, though this time a good airport floor. Since we’re all still school spirited, deal more bruised, scratched, sore, and if I wonder if other airport patrons can pick out possible, more tired, than the previous day. just how many ruggers are curled up amongst Proud of who we are, and knowing we are better the ginormous, and slightly obnoxious, pile of than everyone is willing to give us credit for, bags. 11:06am Somewhat caught up on sleep, we prepare for the game with a new intensity – we arrive at LaGuardia, where we board a bus. we will not be going home with two losses. The two hour drive back to Marist gives us 10:55 As the pre-game traditions come to a ample time to reflect on the weekend. Obviously, close, we acknowledge that this is it; this is we did not accomplish our main goal – we’re why we’re in Florida – to play rugby not only not going to California to play in the Final Four. to win, but to leave a lasting impression on the Nationals Senior Captain Jess “J.P.” Peterson 14 Marist Fights Back Against Cancer: Relay for Life 2009 By Mary Treuer Marist hosted its third annual Relay for Life Marist added its own touches to relay by entertainment and provided musical motivation Eventon Friday, April 17th, in order to raise holding the event in view of the spectacular for the participants walking many laps around money for the American Cancer Society. Over river sunset by setting up a track around the the track.One of the most meaningful parts of 758 people on 72 different teams participated rotunda for the participants to walk. The first the night was the luminaria ceremony. During in the event in order to raise thousands of dol- lap was a meaningful initiation for the event this ceremony, Marist honored the survivors, lars to fight cancer. The top fund-raising teams because it honored cancer survivors. Survi- those currently fighting cancer, and those who were the Supertonics, Alpha Sigma Tau, Kappa vors walked around the track holding flags had lost their lives to the disease. The beauti- Kappa Gamma, Sigma Sigma Sigma, and Team that stated relay’s motto, “Celebrate,” “Re- ful luminaria spelled the words “HOPE” and Taylor. The event wasn’t just about raising member,” and, “Fight Back,” in order to sym- “CURE,” lighting up the campus green. The money, but also about team spirit. Teams set bolize hope for a cure. Will Kaiser, a survivor ceremony gave the teams a chance to take a up personalized tents, made homemade t- who walked the opening laugh says, “As a break from the fast-paced and upbeat mood of shirts, and shared meals in order to come to- survivor it was very moving to see all the the night and take the time to remember the gether to fight cancer. The teams Kappa Kappa people who came out to support cancer re- reason they were really there. Gamma and Sigma Sigma Sigma were awarded search. Also I think it shows the students just The twelve-hour event was long and many for having the most team spirit. how many people have or had cancer. I’d say team members did not stay the entire time. Relay for Life began in Washington with a there were at least 5 of us at the relay who Those who did stay, however, found it to be doctor who ran 24 hours around a track in or- were survivors. This helped to put a face to well worth it. Member of Kappa Kappa Gamma, der to raise awareness and support for the the cause that we walked for”. Students watch- Kristina Gray, said, “I did it because my American Cancer Society. Although now nor- ing the opening ceremony and recognizing grandma died of lung cancer and I wanted to mally just a twelve hour event, relay continues the survivors who walked felt that this first support the cause, so I stayed all night. It was to affect people’s lives. Today, people from all lap was very powerful. also a lot of fun”. Like Gray, some chose to over the world take part in Relay for life, as After the honorary first lap the night went stay all night, while other walked only a few each community gathers to honor, celebrate, on with barbeques, team games, a showing of laps, but each lap and each donation certainly and remember those whose lives where and the movie, Heavyweights, and a scavenger made a difference. Marist hopes to continue are affected by cancer. hunt for those involved in Greek life. There Relay for Life every year, never giving up the was also a disc jockey, which added to the fight until there is a cure. 15 I Love You, Man, a movie directed by John next verbal mistake, which includes any accents While it takes time for the audience to Hamburg, tells a new kind of love story and that will ultimately sounds like a leprechaun. understand exactly why someone as slick and gives people a reason to call each other, “Totes Segel’s cool, yet lonely character is what cool as Sydney would bother with the awkward Magotes.” the audience has waited for throughout the prude that is Peter, they eventually realize that Paul Rudd (Role Models) plays Peter beginning of the film. He effortlessly portrays they do need each other. Klaven, a recently engaged man who realizes Sydney as the typical bachelor who has been Even though the pace of the movie picked he has no male friends up once Sydney entered for his wedding party. the picture, it dragged He enlists the help of his for quite some time while family and on-line Peter met with other male “friend finders” to solve prospects. In a way, this his dilemma, but is made Peter’s desperation unsuccessful until he more apparent and meets Sydney, played Sydney’s appearance by Jason Segel more welcomed, but the (Forgetting Sarah audience has to sit Marshall). The two hit through several failed it off immediately and attempts that become begin their bromance. monotonous after a Peter begins to shed while. his closed off, inward One of Peter’s hang personality and has fun out sessions turns out for the first time in the to be an actual date with film. However, while a gay man. While the Peter and Sydney homosexual undertones develop their new of the movie were friendship, his fiancée, apparent, this Zooey, played by character’s flamboyance Rashida Jones (The and mood swings were Office), begins to feel over the top and neglected and he is bordered on offensive. forced to make a choice Likewise, Jones’ between the love of his character portrays life and the woman he women in a negative wants to marry. light. Her character I Love You, Man starts out as being very presents a plot that has supportive of Peter and not been seen before. Sydney’s new Rudd creates a dorky friendship, but she character who is too grows into a jealous feminine and nice to be woman who forces him friends with the to make a choice. She stereotypical macho spends the movie men that surround him. discussing her sex life to His attempts to play it her girlfriends, but is cool fail every time, but angered by the fact that his failures are what Peter tells Sydney the gives the film its major same types of stories. comedic elements. Eventually, these Peter leaves a characters redeem pathetic voice mail on themselves and repent Sydney’s phone, for their actions, but essentially asking him their behavior mid-film By Ashleigh Whitfield on a date, but rambles does nothing to improve for several minutes, views of women or gay makes up words and men. ultimately makes a fool of himself. Early on in abandoned by his married friends and is Despite some of the flaws in I Love You, their relationship, Peter attempts to quickly give practically as desperate for male friends as Peter. Man, it does turn out to be a hysterical movie. Sydney a nickname, and comes up with He teaches Peter how to be comfortable with Rudd and Segel create characters with “Joben.” These small details explain his failure himself and the two bond over exposing sexual eccentricities that drive the plot. The audience at having male friends at the beginning of the secrets, listening to Rush and “slappin’ da looks for their minor quirks, and becomes movie and the audience eagerly anticipates his bass.” entranced by Rudd’s attempt to, “find some f***ing friends.” 16 Angels & Demons- May 15 By Paige Zangoglia Tom Hanks returns as Robert Langdon in the sequel to the breakthrough film The Davinci Code. Here, Langdon finds himself on an action packed mission to uncover Away We Go-June 12 and stop the powerful Illuminati, an underground organization that threatens A young couple, played by John Krasinski the existence of the Catholic Church with a and Maya Rudolph, search the country for deadly time bomb. a place to truly call “home” and settle down before the birth of their child. Along the way, they reconnect with old The Taking of Pelham 123- June 12 friends and family in this heartfelt comedy. In this film, New York City subway dispatcher Walter Garber (Denzel Washington) finds himself up against criminal mastermind Ryder (John Travolta) and his team of four when they hijack a subway train for ransom. When Ryder threatens to start killing passengers, Garber engages in a battle to save them. Funny People- July 31 In another film by Judd Apatow, Adam Sandler plays successful comedian George Simmons, who learns that he is approaching death due to an incurable illness. In his desire to make the most of his time left, he befriends rookie comedian Ira played by Seth Rogan, and learns to live in the moment. 17 The Festivals You’ve Never Heard of and the Movies You Will By Justine Mann The Faux Film Festival being left for dead, Laura crawls from the sewer with no memory at all. She is stalked by a man Every year we see previews boasting awards These films are often short but are truly in the shadows as she attempts to reach help. from film festivals we’ve never heard of. We independent. The annual festival lives in These and more spine tingling features and flock to the indie section of our video stores Portland Oregon but most films show up on shorts await you at the Bourne Festival. and rent the entire Sundance section and try to Youtube.com. Hands are Bananas was a 2007 decide which one will make a big splash in the entry by Nick Andrews that erupted into one Tropfest Short Film Festival theatres. This year it’s time to branch out and of the most viewed and discussed clips on- explore some of the more successful, albeit off line. It wasn’t even voted the best on at the Often noted as the largest short film festival the beaten track, festivals around the world. festival! in the world this fest started as nothing but a Some are a little strange and others fill a movie screening night at the local Tropicana cinematic void but they have all become a force The Pocket Film Festival Café. Now it has more then 150,000 visitors a in their field. night and gets international buzz. Tropfest Calling all hi-tech artists… the PFF features keeps things interesting by requiring filmmakers Slamdance Film Festival only films made using cell phone camera. to reference the TSI, Tropfest Signature Item, Putting a new cap on low budget many artists in their submission. Past TSIs have been While it may not be featured on Entourage have used this Paris institution as a chance to pickles, chopsticks and muffins. Supposedly any time soon, the Slamdance Film Festival is test out a new medium. This ‘sensible’ festival this is an inspiration technique to keep the the coolest Independent Film Festival around. is based on the idea that you always have your festival fresh. In a bold move the festival takes place in Park phone with you, so you’ll never miss that City, Utah at the same time as Sundance. In perfect French New Wave shot. Perhaps Jean- Amsterdam Fantastic Film Festival true indie fashion Slamdance accepts only films Luc Godard will give the 2010 festival a shot? made by nobodies with next to no money Everything is always fantastic in (studio speak for under one million). Bourne to Die Horror Film Festival Amsterdam. Showing off a lot of gore from the It’s the festival “by filmmakers for UK and sci-fi from everywhere else (in their filmmakers” and it’s good at its game. Recent Hopping across the pond to Dorset UK you Brave New World Programme) the festival has turn outs have included Mad Hot Ballroom, can find a small festival with big screams. shown classic such as the newly released which received the highest price ever for a full- Focusing on the truly disturbing films, Bourne’s Haunting in Connecticut. Another haunting length documentary, Napoleon Dynamite and features all pull storyline from the deepest tale, 100 Feet, stars Famke Janssen and Ed Memento. darkest fears of mankind. Last festival, the Westwick. Janssen plays a prisoner on house Winners this year include How to Be with found footage film Home Movie carefully arrest after serving seven years in prison for surprise star Rob Pattinson before he became a presented the home videos of a family after a killing her abusive husband. Not only does she vampire. Pattinson goes back to his rock star recent move. The two 10-year old twin boys now find herself stalked by his ex-partner but beginnings in this film about a wanna-be lyricist slowly develop as the embodiment of pure evil she is haunted by her husband’s vengeful spirit and his budding friendship with a self-help as their sweet parents also begin to see the while she moves within a 100-foot radius. This guru. truth. Shadowland was also featured and has program lines up a lot of movies that are sure won awards at festivals the globe over. After to make a big splash in the cinemas. 18 An Evening with the Queen of Independent Film: Actress Lili Taylor insight into her craft and career during a mock Inside The Actor’s Studio held in the Nelly Goletti Theatre I believe the first words to escape my promotions for the event were so quick to around scene stealing roles in indie films mouth when I first heard that Lili Taylor mention that her latest project, Public such as I Shot Andy Warhol, Girls Town, would be coming to Marist were “shut the Enemies, stars the one and only Johnny and a film she seemed the most proud of- F*** up!” I quickly realized however, that Depp. Arizona Dream (which was barely released my enthusiasm about her forthcoming visit After meeting the ever so humble actress in the US but was apparently a huge hit in was not to be matched by anyone else on herself, I’m certain that she would not be France and curiously enough it also starred campus. The majority of Marist students surprised nor offended by this as she the one and only Johnny Depp.) would fail to recognize her face let alone casually made statements such as “art is Although she prefers small art-house her line of work which is probably why the bigger than you.” She has shaped her career films over the typical overhyped blockbuster, It would be a shame to place By Storm Heitman 19 the actress in the same breed as indie- before laughing at her own folly and courtly to shoot a low budget indie film, a decision princess Parker Posey, for the appeal of fetching it back for them (seriously, the people thought her crazy for making . The Taylor stems from the fact that she is in a woman doesn’t have a single disingenuous moral of the story was to ignore the general classification all of her own. Most of my bone in her body).The camera must add consensus that in Hollywood “if you don’t exposure to Taylor came from her turn on serious height along with weight because the do than you won’t work.” She made her HBO’s Six Feet Under, perhaps the greatest Lili Taylor in front of my eyes was tinier than resentment of the LA scene clear, saying that television series ever made. Watching her in an Olson twin. Professor Tommy Zurhellen it is “too business oriented” and working that show, I came to appreciate the acute delivered a proper introduction/James Lipton there “one can become easily disillusioned.” honesty to which she brings to a role. Her impersonation before the actress joined him She much prefers to “stay grounded,” and performances echo simultaneously with an and Dr Lea Graham on stage to begin the only signs on to a film when the role has intensity and vulnerability, traits which seem discussion. meaning for her to which she said “is hard to be paralleled by the soft, yet husky sound Among the many topics covered was to articulate, but I get a feeling.” of her voice. For all these reasons and more advice that she would give to young folks So how exactly does she stay grounded did I anxiously arrive at the Nelly Goletti an trying to make it in the industry, one she as an artist? For one, she does charity work hour before she was scheduled to speak. described as having “gotten uglier the last such as performing in Greek theatre for Iraq Sitting in the theatre, I was stupidly 10 years.” Her advice was to hold off LA veterans suffering PTSD. And when the overwhelmed by the idea that this woman and New York and to start off in a small movie making machine becomes all too whose career I respected immensely would enough town that you can get an agent and much for her to handle, she turns to poetry soon to be standing upon the very same stage plenty of work, a plan that worked out well and reminds herself that as an artist, what my feet had once tread on, as if that linked enough for her. she does is “bigger than me...I must honor, us together in some intimate way. I thought Although she now considers herself a full follow it, not worry when it gets hard.” her to be of a modest caliber from the type blown New Yorker, she grew up in Chicago A reception immediately followed the of projects she chose to work on, but for and studied at the studio of Joyce Piven discussion, and Lili was kind enough to stick some odd reason I still expected her to make (mother to actor Jeremy Piven-that guy who around to answer questions from awkward a grandiose celebrity entrance via helicopter is famous for being a grade A tool both on people like me who stared at her in awe, but (maybe because she was once in a movie and off the screen). From there, the were too nervous to approach. I mustered with Julia Roberts and in my head that discussion moved towards the personal up the courage to ask for a photo with her automatically entitles a person to three body management of her career and in particular and she so kindly obliged. I quickly tried to guards and a permanently reserved suite at the choices she’s had to make between taking think of something witty to say as a kiss off the Chateu Marmont). roles in either commercial or independent but only managed to come up with “I can’t Instead, the movie star stumbled into the films. wait to see Public Enemies!” to which she row of seats directly behind me and knocked She told a story about a time she turned ever so demurely responded, “thanks! yeah someone’s cell phone out of their hands down a role in a summer blockbuster in order I make a brief little cameo in that…” Dancing Right Off MaRist caMpus The dance shows put on by the Marist But the songs that were picked and the The second act also tapped off on a strong Dance Club generally bring in a large crowd dances that went along with them weren’t foot with Cassandra Palummo’s performance of enthusiastic viewers wanting to see their really up to the audience members, anyway, of “We Are Broken”. The marionette theme friends or family members perform. It wasn’t and I suppose that’s how some things need to was stylish as well as entertaining, with dark any different April 4th or 5th when Marist be. The choreographers did an interesting job costumes and dollish face paint adding to the Dance Club presented their spring picking the combinations that they did, and overall mood. On that note, Heather Staats performance, “I Like The Way You Move”. like last semester, there were some crowd and Kelly Mottolese’s “Reason Why” was Like last semester, the dancers put on the favorites. The fall semester’s biggie was the chock full of mood, with the dancers in simple show at the FDR High School, which is just a dance that had a Dark Knight theme, giving costumes giving a genuine lyrical lovely fifteen minute bus ride away from the the performance a life of it’s own, transforming interpretation of the song to the audience. Marist Campus. The bus ride is a huge treat, I the dancers in to characters and setting a mood There was a distinct lack of just going through think. that transcended just the song choice. This the motions in this piece, instead seeming as With over 500 members, you’d naturally semester, I felt like the biggie was “The if all of the dancers were expressing a bit of expect a wide range of diversity from the Experiment,” choreographed by Daniel Conner themselves in their movements. Marist Dance Club, and indeed there was and Carolina Vasquez and put on just at the Over all, the shows put on by the Marist diversity – just so long as there were still a end of the first act. The dancers went through Dance Club are always entertaining, and few songs chosen from Britney Spears’s two costumes, one lab coat-oriented and the provide an enjoyable alternative to end-of-the- amazing repertoire, anyway. I’m not trying to other, after they shed their geeky ensemble, semester work. If you haven’t gone to one say I was disappointed, but my dream of delightfully suave. As with the Dark Knight yet, I’d seriously suggest checking it out next seeing a group of people do interpretive dance piece, there were evidently two main time it comes around. Go and see what your to something like Talking Head’s “Psycho characters, with the rest of the dancers adding fellow students are up to! Killer” was not quite recognized this time to their miniature story and giving real life and around (hint: suggestion box?). energy to the entire bit. By Sarah Dubrule 20 f The gossips girls on the hit CW show and no tee shirts rule when dressing like have reinvented style for high schoolers. Blair. Unfortunately, this means no Marist Versace, Marc Jacobs and Zac Posen all hoodies either! Blair’s in control of her ao appear on the show as regularly as yellow world and her hair so take heed before cabs and street vendors and the character’s entering that space bubble. personalities feed off what they’re wearing Poor little J.(Jenny) After changing from today. the girl who wants to be old Blair to the girl sn Jenny Humphrey’s wearing black eye that is old Serena she’s all tuckered out for kohl and a leather jacket, you’d better watch the new set of storylines. Luckily her out. Serena Van Der Woodsen slips on a fashion keeps going with mini dresses, little party dress? You know Georgina strappy tanks and ever changing hair. Back h Sparks is going to be in the next episode. when J was a girl on the step she went for Supposedly Serena’s style reflects that bright color blocks, like her yellow trench of drug addicted model Kate Moss. From or that infamous purple Valentino bag. Her one blonde to another passes the torch of endless hat collection has gone a bit retro if so-called boho chic (by Gucci). However, since she went blonder and choppier with the poor girl is a bit torn between her love her bad girl look. She kept the plaid but for the dangerous life and her homey upper ditched the pom poms when applying her east-side penthouse. Pearls and a Chanel will hat style to her micro-mini dresses. No oi always make a boho jersey dress more more trying to fit in! This girl does nothing appropriate for a bonding brunch with the but stand out. Bye-bye funshine Jenny hello family. Of course once that’s done it’s all all gray and black wardrobe. Good thing about the clubs and the chunks accessories. she lightened the hair or she’d be easy to nl Get her look by adding bangles, necklaces miss this season. and more necklaces to your polished Vanessa Abrams is the Gossip Girl link ensemble. to the normal fashion world. As a film hipster Blair Waldorf really only does one style out to save the world she’s not focusing on m and that is flawless. Her hair is never mussed who the next big designer is. Good thing and her dresses hail from the 19th century she has such an impeccable fashion sense guide to preppy chic. Her ultimate piece is that she can pick out gorgeous pieces at all the headband. She rocks this from morning those vintage shops she pops into while till dawn (getting a measly 2 hours of sleep) milling about Manhattan. Vanessa does and it holds all those evil little thoughts in hippie chic with a punch. Her chunky gold her head. Being the queen of mean means jewelry and black lame leggings really spice By Justine Mann dressing like royalty. Hence the no pants things up while her clothes are soft cotton or silk tunics. She’ll never follow the rules of the upper east-side but they may start following her. Finally there’s sometimes present, sometimes in rehab, Georgina Sparks. When not tempting Serena into disaster she’s… temping someone else? This girl sports all leather and black hardware all the time. As a girl that lives in the excess zone she piles on jewelry and hides her soulless eyes behind massive shades. Georgina may be a reforming problem child but she’s got a spark which will not be denied. 21 Late Night Disaster By Melissa Amarianos When I heard the news that Late Night host One major concern that O’Brien cult The banter between Fallon and his house Conan O’Brien was stepping down from his followers such as myself have is that with the band The Roots cannot compare in any way to post I was shocked. O’Brien is scheduled to new earlier time slot is: Can he still be as cutting the intense love/hate staring battles between take over The Tonight Show in place of Jay edge and provocative in his sketches? I O’Brien and his drummer Max Weinberg. When Leno, another late night favorite. The choice personally can’t wait to see how he will reinvent he interviews guests such as Drew Barrymore, of the NBC network to make these changes himself for his new job on The Tonight Show. Fallon seems more concerned with telling his comes in the wake of Leno announcing his I have tried to keep an open mind about own stories than listening to theirs. It is the job retirement, however this may have been a rash Jimmy Fallon taking the place of O’Brien. Since of a late night host to be funny and interact decision since he still wants to be on television Fallon was a regular on NBC’s Saturday Night respectfully with celebrities, maybe even and has apparently been offered his own prime Live it was not a difficult stretch for the network occasionally taking them out of their comfort time variety show which will air on NBC in the to consider the one time leading name on the zones. Every time I watch him interact with fall. show to be a natural for a spot on Late Night. someone famous I feel like I am watching a I have been to two live taping of Late Night One of Fallon’s most famous sketches on SNL Fallon biography. with Conan O’Brien and have been a devoted was “Weekend Update”. He worked with Tina Fallon’s skits such as”7th Floor West” are fan since my high school years.He had humble Fey on the sketch and even though she often overthought. I understand that the skit is beginnings as a comedy writer for Saturday stole the show he was still pretty entertaining. supposed to be making fun of reality shows Night Live and The Simpsons. He joked My ability to keep an open mind about and teen dramas such as The Hills but it constantly on the show about attending Fallon’s performance has been increasingly completely misses the mark. In his attempt to Harvard (which he did) and is both intelligent dwindling as I continue to watch the show be snarky and alternative, the fake drama falls and sassy. What makes him great is his ability week after week. At first I thought maybe he flat. Nobody cares about the drama on The Hills to come up with unique sketches such as when was just nervous, after all he does have big and people care even less about a parody of a he visited F.A.O Schwartz in NYC, and his brand shoes to fill. His awkward introduction stupid reality drama that is not entertaining. of humor that is both self-deprecating and sequence in which he often pretends to bowl Maybe Fallon should hang out with Andy physical. when he tells a “good” joke is awkward and Sandberg for awhile or at least stop trying to Over the years O’Brien has come to conduct usually gets only pity applause from the be something he is not. The sketch “Lick it for his show like clockwork. He knows how to be audience. His monologue is not witty and he Ten” (dollars) is also incredibly pointless and funny without being obnoxious and his does not have any form of personality often the stuff people are supposed to be interviews with celebrities are memorable. He whatsoever when delivering the jokes. He objectified to lick (such as a bowling ball) looks is not afraid to be over the top and his comedy speeds through the opening, telling one joke clean and perfectly sanitized. can range from outrageous to highly after the other. Really Jimmy shouldn’t you I really hope Jimmy Fallon can improve with sophisticated. It is hard to deny that Obrien have more experience with this by now… after time. I am not expecting much though, and has a personality all his own. all you are a comic right? ultimately I am just anxiously anticipating the return of Conan this June. 22 puRsuing the DReaM (hOuse) anD hOw pRiORity pOints DestROyeD the DReaM When I was a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed 3. We weren’t crazy about the option of 9E freshman, I remember sitting in rapt attention (the penthouse), but wouldn’t be upset if that By Christie Gorman as my orientation leaders told me everything was our only option. about Marist I would need to know. One of the When lists for housing aspects about Marist that struck me as a were posted, we were thrilled fantastically good idea was the priority point to be the fifth section of girls system. It seemed to be an honest, fair system to pick our house. We high- to give a reward to those students who work fived each other in joy, because especially hard. Now, two years into my Marist this meant we were pretty much education, I’ve got to say that this system of guaranteed to get Fulton. We priority points is at best, flawed. had attended all the meetings, Mid-April, I, like all of you, was herded asked all our questions, and we through the process of housing selection. I was were ready to pick the house my group leader, and was determined to get the of our dreams. I walked into best possible house for my small group of four the room selection area with a girls. We have a combined priority point list of our top six houses. One average of 35.5, so we were feeling pretty house was designated to be a confident about our chances of getting the male house, one was taken, but house of our dreams. It didn’t take much 11D was available. We strode discussing for us to decide that we wanted to in confidently, and requested live in the coveted Lower Fulton. It is almost that house, only to be shot brand-new! No roommates! Much closer to down. members of the track team, intramural sports campus than Upper Fulton! Right by the tennis Why? The people at the table oh-so- enthusiasts, and double majors and minors courts! After sitting down with a floor plan of condescendingly explained to us that we could galore. You can’t tell me we don’t deserve a Lower Fulton, the four of us decided that the not open a new house because they cannot third choice! highest praises could be sung for almost any have every house in Fulton filled halfway up. And we’re not the only people who have one house there. But as a group, we made a few It would be unfair to the people who pick after gotten stiffed by the priority point system. decisions: us. The people who have fewer priority points Think about the entire male population of 1. We do NOT want to live with only four than us. Didn’t you attend the information Marist College. Why are they so segregated? people in one house. The reason we didn’t go session? You should know this! If we were to embrace this idea of priority points, in a group with the rest of our friends is because So we were given two options: a four- we would have one master list of all housing we wanted to meet new people. A year in person house and 15A. We were given the groups on campus, and would progress Gartland easily proves that if you’re not forced option of deferring our pick, but when we straight down this list. Now, I know the higher- to interact with new people, you won’t. asked about this option, about how long we ups at Marist would cringe at the idea of mixed- 2. We hated the idea of 15A. This house would have to wait, we were given no definitive gender housing, but that’s not what I’m has a side bared to all passing traffic: security answer. It might take hours, days even. We advocating. I’m just saying that we shouldn’t vehicles, party girls on Tuesdays, Fridays, and exchanged worried glances and quickly spoke: have certain houses pre-designated as male or Saturdays, and even the occasional passerby Would it be worth it to wait until possibly female, especialy 75% of the nicest ones to one from the city of Poughkeepsie. We just didn’t tomorrow to pick? What if all the houses in gender. What happens if all the men on campus think we would feel safe here. Plus, it doesn’t Fulton filled up? In the end, we decided that have higher priority points than the women? even face the green, again, lessening our chance deferral as was explained to us was not a viable Only a few of these upstanding students would for interaction with new people. option. Resignedly, we agreed to 15A. be able to live in their dream house, because I’m just curious as to we must save some of the elite houses for the what exactly we got priority ladies lower down the list! for. We had the points to live It doesn’t make sense to have a priority anywhere on campus, but point system that allegedly gives the best pick got all of two choices.. Now, to the best students, but has all of these someone with less priority caveats. You will have fewer options if you are points than us is living in our male, even if you have the same points as the dream house, a house we women. You will only have two options for a had to work hard for. Within house. Housing will accuse you of not my group of four attending required meetings if you question housemates, we have club their logic. Smaller groups will be given the least presidents, publication savory options, just so the larger groups (with editors, tutors, TAs, fewer points) still have a shot at obtaining the dedicated band members, dream. The system is too arbitrary to be given honor society inductees, a name like “priority points,” and needs to be mended. 23 The Importance of College Relationships By Sarah Briggs As my time here at Marist comes to an end, From the first relationship, I learned that it is from people willingly choosing to allow it to I’d like to think that I’ve learned a thing or two, is important to be able to be open-minded, happen or just a lack of communication over given that I have incurred quite a debt these whether it be deciding to partake in an activity time. Nevertheless, I have been fortunate to past four years. One of the things I have learned the other likes (for me that was Frisbee) or just have a few stick by me and comfort me through is the importance of the relationships you share listening to their ideas and emotions without it all, particularly one best friend, Melissa, who with people during your college years that’d responding irrationally. However, while being I met through this very magazine. It is such I’d like to share as some form of advice to my open-minded is significant, you shouldn’t friends that you know you’ll always be able to fellow Marist students. change yourself completely or sacrifice things count on to be there for many years to come. First off, let me clarify that when I say that you truly believe in, nor should they. That I’ve also come to learn just how important relationships, I’m not just talking about the kind can ultimately lead to a dishonest relationship. the relationship you share with your family is. that’d you share with a significant other. I’m If you aren’t being completely honest with Like the saying goes, blood is thicker than water, also talking about the relationships shared with yourself then you’re not being honest with and no matter how much distance there is friends and family. Furthermore, I’m talking them. Believe me, dishonest relationships are between you and your family, in the end you about the relationship you share with yourself. easy to break and hard to repair. can count on them to be there for you and Something I have learned in general about My second relationship taught me when support you. any relationship is that no matter how long put in new and unfamiliar situations, your Overall, no matter what kind of relationship, you know a person, it doesn’t mean you’re significant other can really show their true I personally learned that the most important tool ever going to run out of things to learn about nature, which can be a welcome surprise or a that determines the success (or lack thereof) of them. I have known my sister all my life, and disappointment. I also learned that being in a the relationship is communication. When yet I only learned about a year ago in France relationship is a team effort. It’s like being carried out and received properly, it can result that she was afraid of heights. I learned that tennis partners; one person cannot do all the the creation and continuation of a successful the hard way by taking her up to the top of the work by themselves if they want the team to relationship. When miscommunication occurs, Strasbourg Cathedral, the sixth tallest cathedral be successful. though, is when the trouble starts and can in the world. In terms of my friendships here at Marist, inevitably lead to damaging and, at worst, even To get it out of the way, let’s start off with the most important thing I learned is that, as destroying a relationship. the kind of relationship one may share with a cliché as it may sound, your true friends are In the end, though, the most important significant other, even if it is with someone the ones who stick by you no matter what. relationship, I have learned, is the one you have you’re not “Facebook official” with. I have Personally, I’ve had quite a few storms come with yourself. You have to be able to love and had two boyfriends here at Maris. The first I my way, from the breakup between me and my respect yourself for who you are before others dated for about a year and a half while the first boyfriend to my most recent breaking of can do the same for you and before you can do second I dated for a few months. Despite the my foot and rolling my ankle, which has the same for others. When that happens, you’ll difference in length of time, I’m confident resulted in me needing to have a cast for three have people who truly appreciate you, who you saying I have learned from both. months, including for my graduation this May. can create memories with and have successful I’ve lost friends during these times; whether it relationships with for a lifetime. 24 Mike Arteaga’s Health & Fitness Center To Join? or Not to Join? By Christine Urgola It is obvious that it is not particularly cheap Upon entering the sports center, the first variety of trainers to assist members with the to be a student at Marist College. There are thing I noticed about Mike Arteaga’s was MedX strengthening circuits, 30 minute circuits many additional expenses that are incurred cleanliness; it was in pristine condition. The designed for members with little time to exercise. during the year; textbooks, project supplies, floors were immaculate, the walls looked freshly They allow a full-body workout with free aid are only a few that come to mind. However, painted, and the machines seemed brand new. from any trainer that was free. Directly next to somewhere in the close to $40,000 we expend While I was impressed by the look and feel this program was ‘The Healthy Back and Neck each year, there is a great facility included in of the gym, I knew that I needed to take some Program’ was meant to help those suffering our tuition that contains quality equipment in classes and check out any training options from chronic back or neck pain. It was refreshing order to maintain the fitness of athletes and before giving it a rave review. There were a to see that people who needed extra support in the average Marist student alike: the McCann wide variety of classes to choose from learning how to train properly, did not need to Center. So why would anyone venture to incur including Group Power, Group Step, Group spend extra cash on a personal trainer. an added cost for a facility that is seemingly Centergy, Group Groove, Group Kick, Group One of my personal favorite aspects of the the same butoff campus? Ride and Group Active, along with a variety of gym is the Cardio Cinema. Located on the first While College Activities provides dance, Aquatic Aerobic classes and Mixed and Gentle floor of the gym near the women’s locker rooms, yoga and Pilates classes, they are often closed Yoga classes. this fitness area is a dark room with a huge flat- out before even a fraction of Marist students I opted for Active, a ‘beginner’ class with screen television that plays a new flick every are given a chance to sign up. I was lucky step moves, abdominal and weight training. two days. Where is the exercise, you ask? The enough to get a spot in both $3 Pilates The class was described as “perfect for the stadium “seating” consists of a front row of sessions and with this workout, combined with infrequent exerciser,” but I challenged myself low recumbent bicycles, the second row a bit all of the possibilities at the McCann center, I by increasing my weights. My only complaint higher with treadmills and a third row of tall- still was not satisfied, so I decided to was the music in the class; it was not very standing ellipticals. I had finally found the investigate some of my options. upbeat or motivating. perfect cardio workout for the lazy college Planet Fitness was only $15 per month but Group Centergy and Gentle Yoga, however, student! it was inconvenience, as the closest one were by far my favorite classes. Centergy was I finally headed back upstairs to plug my resides in Hyde Park. Before even exploring a combination of fast-paced yoga moves and iPod into one of the machines and start the obvious choice, I received a phone call on an abdominal intensive Pilates series. Gentle running. As I stared out the full-length my cell phone about Mike Arteaga’s Health & Yoga was perfect as a night class, this 75- windows, exerting myself on the treadmill and Fitness Center located directly across the minute class was very relaxing, yet challenging. wiping beads of sweat off my brow, I can see street. I was offered a free one week trial at Overall, as far as classes went, I was very the McCann Recreation Center across Route the gym and while I never seriously considered satisfied. 9. and I still feel as if the extra expense per joining for an extra $30 per month, I was looking After leaving my class I decided to try out month is worth it to be a member at Mike to take advantage of some exercise classes. the weight and cardio machines. I observed a Arteaga Health & Fitness Center. 25 My Modest Proposal As a nation we are at a critical point. Every of this plan is against improving the education By Mike Cresci and, if a valid use for them exists, be granted day we are presented with a list of economic of our children and therefore should be the requested help. problems that at times may seem disregarded. With over 3.8 million Americans At first glance it may be difficult to see how insurmountable and hard working people are at over 300 pounds and an estimated 25% this will help the economy but the advantages living in fear that the comfortable life they’ve qualifying as “obese” there is no doubt the are numerous. A sizeable portion of the slaves earned might be taken from them. Meanwhile amount of money in question would be with be sent to the Midwest (their families may we struggle with ever rising obesity and a significant. Furthermore the 300,000 deaths accompany them) to be part of a national rapidly spreading apathy when it comes to caused every year by obesity would decrease agriculture plan. With free workers the cost solving this weight gain nightmare. In 1962, and public awareness about the dangers of would be low. This agriculture plan would research showed that the percentage of obesity being overweight would increase. As more and provide the slaves with healthy food and not in America’s population was at 13%. By 1980 it more generations work towards thinning out, it interfere with existing farms businesses. had risen to 15% and by 1994 to 23%. By the would become a cultural norm to remain thin. Failing farms could even be granted slaves year 2000 the obesity progression in America Let me say that thin does not mean unhealthy; and enter the program as a means of staying had reached an unprecedented 31%. merely a healthy average weight is the goal. afloat. With food provided small business For the good of my country I’ve devised would be able to thrive by taking on free two plans to deal with both problems head on. 2 employees. Meanwhile countless jobs My second plan of action is almost certainly openings would suddenly exist as all 1 more effective but will most likely meet more Overweights would lose employment. The The government must take an active role in resistance. Be sure not to judge it without truly unemployment problem would instantly purging America of its childbearing hips. For considering the benefits. become a thing of the past. By the time most of too long the cellulite sympathizers in Congress Using a similar, but more lenient, version of the slaves earned their freedom the economy have let cholesterol run free. It’s time to start the Gluttony Tax’s weight determination would be so strong that jobs would exist to taking all those extra pounds and converting method people will be classified as Acceptable, assimilate freed slaves back into society. them into cash. I propose immediate legislation On Watch, or Overweight. Then all who qualify The issue of fairness will undoubtedly be to implement what I call a “Gluttony Tax.” Why in the last category will be put into an organized raised by opponents of this plan but they should those who choose to disregard their form of slavery. Special human rights laws will overlook a major consideration. Is it fair that health and appearance be allowed to continue be put in place to prevent them from any serious those of us who choose to stay at a healthy poisoning our children with their poor example ill treatment. They would then remain enslaved weight suffer any longer? The obese are without any punishment? Therein lays an until they lost the necessary weight. Freedom clogging society’s arteries and at this turning unexplored source of revenue. would serve as the ideal motivation. Individuals point in American history is it crucial we do the There would be only one immediate cost. like you or me could apply for one or more slaves necessary bypass surgery. The government would temporarily provide doctors to evaluate each person in America. Based on height, build and age each citizen would be given a card bearing a number. If their weight is over that number they have 6 months to lose the weight. If they fail to do so they will be hit with a 25% income tax. If over the course of the next year they still feel it necessary to remain both unhealthy and unsightly they will have to sustain a 50% income tax. Of course medical conditions that make weight loss difficult we’ll be taken into consideration. This is not a plan of strict rules but rather a flexible effort to get every citizen to a healthy weight. The benefits of such a plan would be substantial. The tax dollars could go to immediate use in numerous areas. Urban areas could be revamped and become safer. Roads could receive needed repairs, creating jobs in the process. Education could receive a massive (no pun intended) amount of money towards books, computers, updated facilities, better personnel and so much more. Surely any critic 26 Coolest House on Campus Close your eyes and take a journey with standard appliances. me; a trip into the ideal college dorm room. I Take, for example the bet what you’re imagining closely resembles life sized Randy Moss what the men of Gartland House E3 have Fathead posted on managed to put together. They were able to the far wall. And transform a first floor Gartland apartment into hovering just to the one of the most comfortable living left of Moss’ environments I’ve seen on campus. facemask is yet Upon first stepping into the doorway, you another Nerf Gun. notice a large tapestry of a prized buck. This, This one mounted on along with three rich mahogany bookstands the wall like a hunting gives the living room a rather “homey” feel. rifle is the N-strike Adorning the dark bookstands are various Longshot CS-6. sports memorabilia and autographs, photos of I took the time to families and the house DVD collection. From explore one of the here you may take a seat on the full couch or three bedrooms. any of the rooms many chairs and play a game Room C belongs to or watch something on the 46” widescreen TV Jim Urso and Mike placed in front of the window. You may also Walsh, two sports notice the Bose surround sound system which communications majors and a Yankee and Red The room of Billy Berard and Jack Famiglio has caused many parties to bust out of control. Sox fan respectively. Mike and James have holds another bookshelf posted on the wall decorated their room with lots of sports and next to a movie tribute to Christian Bale. There movie memorabilia. is also a wheelchair at Billy’s desk used to Walsh has many perform, “crazy wheelchair stunts.” And folks, Patriots things and a I’ve seen them and they are quite impressive. framed Kevin Garnett More so than just the look of this house, it picture along with a is the vibe that it creates that makes it amazing. large pirate flag to It’s the reason that every weekend twenty or symbolize his so people gather here for parties, or how at personality. any given time there are ten to twelve students Watching over the present inside its’ walls. It can be as big and two as they fade of to important as the hand drawn highlander dreamland every picture in the bathroom and the “rock em sock night is a Casino em robots” game on the coffee tables, or as poster featuring small and nearly unnoticeable as the two Robert DeNiro, arms antique lamps that James’ mother picked up folded and an for a dollar at a yard sale. When you put approving look on everything here together, you only get one his face as he thing. And that thing is the coolest house on validates their room. campus. The two also have a In normal houses you may expect to see blank white walls, or a few random scattered sort of tribute to Marist athletics with newspaper front-pages of the womens’ By Casper Vigil posters. This is not the case in E3 where you basketball team, with will find a large Johnny Cash poster, along with small Fitz and Viani a Queen poster with Freddy Mercury posters and flamboyantly posing on stage. Also, I can schedules. guarantee that this is the only place I have At brief glance ever seen a poster of Albert Einstein joyfully into the other walls riding his bicycle. One other thing of note is there is more to the variety of nerf guns scattered strategically surprise you. Will throughout the room. As I’m told by resident Gunther and James Mike Walsh, “when you’re in E3, you never Bartosik’s room is full know when war may break out.” of band posters like If you choose to journey further into the The Who and artsy house with me, we find ourselves in the kitchen. paintings that go Not generally the strong suits of college boys’ great with the houses, but these gentlemen have made the darkness of the room. kitchen their own. Of course all the amenities Gunther ’s hockey are present, toaster, microwave, and blender, jersey also adorns but there is much more to this kitchen than the wall over his bed.
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