The Truth About College Game Hi, my name is Mark, thanks for taking the time to read this. It started off as a series of emails that I composed at work in Sept ‘07 and shot out to seven mentees who were still in college. It became clear that there was more to discuss, and it evolved from there. In any case these emails are a collection of my initial thoughts on college game. I have a blog at www.thetruthaboutcollegegame.com where I’m expanding on many of the thoughts in here. Email 1: Introduction to Me Email 2: Why “Sarging” Doesn’t Work Email 3: Being Adventurous Email 4: Kino and Qualification Email 5: Inside the Mind of a College Girl Email 6: What to Do Instead Introduction to Me ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐Ok guys, I don’t think I ever told you what got me into all this stuff. Maybe some background is in order, because I think when you hear what I went through, it will take some weight off your shoulders and you’ll realize that there’s a different path than this stupid sarging shit you’ve been doing. I came to college and basically wasn’t social with anyone for the first month. Didn’t do any orientation activities, didn’t rush a frat, etc. Don’t know why, I think I was kind of afraid and I felt like everyone else “got it” and I didn’t. Should’ve just thrown myself into it, but of course, hindsight is always 20‐20. So one month in, I’m of course a huge fucking loser. Playing Halo with some honors students across the hall. Which is fun, you know, but I sure wasn’t meeting any pussy on Xbox live. Anyway, one day, I did the exact same thing you might do: I went onto google, typed in “how to meet girls,” and found the seduction community. I quickly ran up the $500 credit limit on the new Capital One credit card I’d secured to buy eBooks and seminars on how to pick up girls. I remember reading somewhere that it was time to “get this part of my life handled.” That became my mantra. Started going out and sarging at coffee shops and whatnot. And would you believe I actually had the balls to walk into a few random house parties and try using routines? This was before all the media attention so no one had heard the material, but I was still getting blown out hardcore. Got a few girls to laugh, which felt good, but the dudes would just look at me and scoff. Here’s the worst part, and what I know at least one of you is going through: I told several friends about these new jedi skills I’d learned, and so they were expecting me to be pulling like crazy. There were actually a few nights when I would find ANOTHER dorm where I could sleep on the couch, where no one knew me, because I was lying to my buddies about the girls I was getting. I felt so empty and my ego was soooo fragile. Add to this that my roommates were often pulling girls back to our place, and I’d occasionally have to sleep on the couch in our dorm too… way too much couch surfing and none of it good. So I know you know how I got hooked up with my mentors, but that is EXACTLY what life was like before I started getting this shit sorted out. Stupid sarging, no girls, total loneliness, etc. Again, I know some of you guys are there right now, so I’m just telling you right now that a.) it doesn’t get much worse than that and b.) obviously since I’m writing this to you now, there is a better way. I’ve gotta get back to work but tell me if this hits home, discuss amongst yourselves, etc. I’ll write again tomorrow or Thurs depending on how crazy work is. Why “Sarging” Doesn’t Work ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐No dude, you’ve got it ALL wrong. I am going to have to smack you with the big fat dick of REASON. And that’s ok because you don’t know my story as well as some of these other guys. But I need to correct you before you become a pickup douchebag. You are not not getting pussy because you’re not sarging enough. Sarging has NOTHING to do with how much pussy you get at college. It is COUNTERPRODUCTIVE. So I am going to use a bunch of punctuation phrases to tell you as emphatically as possible %$^*#@STOP IT @#*^$% There, did that do it? Haha… don’t make me ever do that again. Ok look, sarging works in the real world. I’m in NYC now and YES I do go out and “sarge” which is basically walking up to hot girls I’ve never met and talking to them. Some of what I learned in college I still use here. But I can count on one hand the number of girls I hooked up with in college from using anything I learned from the seduction gurus. Look, I want to correct your mindset right now. When you start sarging, you basically lock yourself into this world of secret knowledge of pickup and whatnot and you think that because you know how to neg and disqualify, you’re the ultimate lover. And every interaction becomes you versus her. You know the feel of it? You start thinking “what do I say next?” Every interaction becomes strategic. The thing is though dude, that top ten or twenty guys who are pulling so much at school (David, who is cc’d here, is one of them and will back this up), they’re not really strategic. They’re really spontaneous guys who are out having fun, being social, and don’t see women as aliens. Unfortunately, sarging puts you into the mindset of seeing girls as aliens. Objects to be manipulated and whatnot. You think that girl you’re talking to is interested in your take on gay cats? No way man, its Friday night before game day, and whatever stupid routine you’re using is the LAST thing on her mind. Here’s your first lesson: College girls want to feel included in the big social world that is college Understanding this – I mean really getting it – will change your WHOLE perspective when you’re talking to girls. What you’re doing right now is so much extra work, and a lot of it is counter‐productive. Sarging tries to lead a girl out of her world and into yours. Does this make sense? Like, when you sarge, and when you’re in the pickup mindset, you are actually in an antisoccia frame. So here’s what I want you to do: go out this weekend and don’t even think about pickup. Interact with some people and have fucking fun. Talk about whatever YOU want to talk about. And here’s a little conversation tip: ask her what she thought college was going to be like. No matter what year she is, she’ll have something to say about that. Go forth, have fun, and be prosperous. Being Adventurous ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐Great email Rasheed. You’ve actually hit upon some huge sticking points and its cool to see you taking this seriously. The reason you’re not having fun is because you feel out of place. Let’s face it, your school has a very obvious hierarchy of cool guys and hot girls, and you found yourself awash in them and not sure how to comport yourself. After spending a LOT of time with college alpha males, I’ve distilled down the exact four attributes of guys who hook up a lot in college. It doesn’t matter what year you’re in – once you’ve got these traits, you’ll start getting laid like crazy. Its critical that you know these and we’ll get to that eventually. But there is a fifth trait that isn’t totally necessary, but which is particularly relevant to you because you’re a freshman. And that is (drum roll please…) adventurousness. AKA having big balls. Now look, I know that you are a pretty introverted guy and that you’ve never been chased down by a fat security guard for trying to throw a newspaper vending machine off a rooftop in Tampa (story for another time) BUT as a freshman, you will start putting yourself in the position to hook up with a lot more girls if you can be out in front of the crowd. You still need to internalize the other traits, yes. But it will improve your chances dramatically if you’re not communicating that you’re a sullen, thoughtful little philosopher. Look at it this way: when you’re adventurous (and I’m probably not describing it perfectly right now but sorry, I’m really slammed) you are going to be doing things that get girls’ attention. I don’t recommend hitting a three‐story beer bong, but it is stuff like that that makes people SMILE, LAUGH, and most importantly, FEEL LIKE THEY’RE AT COLLEGE. I’m sure you can see how doing something like that will put you out in front of people, having a good time, contributing to the vibe, yada yada yada. And because freshman are all sorts of lost and trying to figure out what is going on, being adventurous and staking out a lead in various activities will do two things: • It will make you a leader of men • It will get you talking to lots of girls Now let’s compare two types of approaches with women. The first is the pickup artist who walks up to a girl with some routines and tries to make her laugh. I know you think that is being adventurous but its not really. When you’re adventurous, you are up for ADVENTURE. So a routine, to me, does not demonstrate that you’re going to be fun, it just demonstrates that you can memorize some lines. Do you see the critical distinction here? There is a mindset of adventurousness that you have to internalize. Once you do, you’ll start doing all sorts of crazy and fun things. I’ll take you back to my senior year. I was out at a club with a few friends, got up on a table with some girls, and started dancing. I was being an idiot… BUT I was having so much fun and was so in my own world that the girls couldn’t help enjoy it. Making out with one girl within about a minute. We all move to the dance floor and continue our shenanigans. The Door Girl (you know, the one with the clipboard) sees this and comes over and tells me that she is going to have to ask me to leave if I don’t chill out and stop drinking. Now, I hadn’t had a drop to drink all night, I was just so pumped and having fun. So I grabbed her, spun her around, dipped her, and as we were in our dip, I said “The funny thing is, I’m sober and the designated driver tonight.” Leaned in and gave her a little kiss on the cheek before we came up. THAT’s adventurousness. Taking girls into your own little fun world. Now, how does this manifest itself in the dorms when you’re a freshman? Ok, let’s say it’s the first snow of the year. You could collect three friends, then go up to the girls floor and just start knocking on doors to try to get them into a snowball fight. Of course some of them aren’t going to come, but the ones that are will have a blast and start to remember you. This is exactly what one of my boys from Wisconsin did in his first semester. It was a big leap for him but he made about six cool girl friends and finally got a feel for what it was to be adventurous. Hope this gives you some insight into how college game is not so much about what you’re saying as it is who you’re being. So let me rephrase the most important thing I’ve said so far: “make people SMILE, LAUGH, and most importantly, FEEL LIKE THEY’RE AT COLLEGE” Kinoing and Qualification ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐Heh, glad you liked my stories. Ok ok I’ll tell you one more then we have to move on for today’s “lesson”. I was out at a bar one night and as we were leaving, I decided to flirt with the coat check girl. It started out as a minute or two of fluff talk which I was obviously using to get to my joking qualifier. She tells me a little bit about where she’s from, etc. Then I said “Hey, you are fucking adorable, I want to get your number.” She replied that she had a boyfriend. So I looked her dead in the eye and said something very close to the following: “Look, that’s great. But… I think you’re really cute. And I have a rich dad. I can take you out to a three‐star meal, then to the movies. And I will buy you… a Coach purse.” She cracked up and we started roleplaying what other things my Dad would buy for us. Now for those of you who know me, my Dad does pretty well, but has never given me one red cent to buy girls coach purses so it was obviously a joke. How did I know about Coach purses (I know one of you is going to be asking). Well, a lot of the girls I was friends with were obsessed with them. It just came to mind. I don’t know what’s popular these days on college campuses. Maybe Louis Vuitton? God, when I was finishing up every fucking sorority girl had to have some tiny Vuitton accessory, it drove me crazy. Anyway, what I want to write to you about today is one of the finer points. Because Shaun wrote back to me and said “well, being adventurous is good and all, but I’m that way already and I’m not hooking up.” Fair enough. But he DOES know a lot of girls. Now I haven’t written about the four essential traits yet, but I can tell you guys about two things that guys with these traits do that distinguish them, them maybe you can start to guess what the traits are. Ok, so one thing that you have to start doing is kino’ing a LOT. Touching girls all the fucking time. Hug them, squeeze their arms, smacking their butts etc. I want you guys to be ALL OVER the girls you know. Not creepy all over, but just FUN and PLAYFUL. I know it can be a big leap to go from not having any girls in your life at all to touching every girl you hang out with. Its important that you do it in a natural way, just like you touch everyone. One principal I’ve found is that no matter how odd or wrong your behavior, you can get away with it if you have a strong enough frame. I was watching Conan O’Brien the other night and he was interviewing one of his production managers. This was during the writer’s strike so he was very free‐form and unscripted. The assistant was a total douchebag, he was either gay or very metro. Anyway, Conan asked the guy who his favorite musician was and the guy said Rush. The next exchange went something like this: Conan: What do they sing? Producer: Uh, Tom Sawyer, Limelight... Conan: That’s the one that goes (off‐key humming for about 30 seconds) Producer: Uh, no. Conan: So how does it go? Producer: (sings a few bars of the song) Conan: Yeah, exactly (off key humming to mimic the producer) Producer: No, you’re way off Conan: No, they’re exactly the same The audience was laughing with Conan. He was clearly wrong, but he was having fun and he controlled the interaction and he was convinced that he was right. He got away with it for that reason. So think about how this applies to you and kinoing a girl. If you’re touching her with hesitancy and you’re nervous, she will sense that and she’ll back away. But if you do it like its the most natural thing in the world, you’ll be smooth sailing. Try it. The other thing you have to do is to qualify girls. Its pretty simple. Just tell them unique things about them that you like. “I like how much fun you are. I meet so many college girls who party and what not, but I actually have fun when I’m with you – big difference. Gimme a kiss.” I’m serious guys, if you are super‐adventurous, you kino a lot, and you qualify, you will be hooking up a lot more. Go out and try it this weekend and tell me how it works out for you. Inside the Mind of a College Girl ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐Wow, GREAAAAT question. I always wondered why those doofy looking guys ended up getting the girls too. In fact, it was kind of an inspiration for me. I remember talking to on of my mentor’s about this. This is when I was still working on my skills. I was at a party at University of Arizona with my friend Lincoln (what up dude, cc’d you here!) and I saw some total cheeseball guys up on these hot ass bitchez. It was a total disconnect, because the girls seemed pretty classy (well, as far as college girls go) and the guys had big pants, shitty shirts, backwards baseball caps, I was looking at them like what the FUCK is this. I was a total nerd about researching this stuff so I took some photos with the guys and shared them with my mentor. We figured it out immediately after I told him about these guys’ behavior. See, they were all over the girls. Maybe a little too much in some cases for my taste but basically they were not hiding their desires. Some of them would make out with the girls, some of them went on to private rooms with the girls, and I was still thinking “ok, soo… how can I be cool in this situation.” Look, college girls like to hook up. I mean, girls in general like to hook up. I was listening to this audio recently of someone talking about sex and he made a great point. When two people are having sex, who’s the one making all the noise? It’s the girl! Girls love sex! Now I used to think that girls had to deeply connect with me before they’d sleep with me. Here’s what I’ve since learned: *** in college, the “connection” is only important when you’re not pre‐selected *** Ah, pre‐selection. I’ve talked with a few of you offline about how to develop this trait, we can go into it more later. Point is though, by my later years in school, I could hook up with girls incredibly quickly because I was either already known as a big man on campus, or I exhibited the four traits instantly when I met a girl. Maybe I’m not explaining this clearly enough. Let’s take a female’s perspective in college. She is away from her family for the first time, she’s got no parents telling her what to do, she’s discovering her body and her sexuality, and she’s testing the social rules. HER REALITY IS STILL FRAGILE. So a guy comes along with a strong sense of what he wants from her i.e. he wants to fuck her. What does she do? Well, if he is direct about it and he’s kinoing her a lot and basically trying any way from Sunday to make out with her, she’ll probably just do it! Now of course I’m grossly generalizing here because not all college girls are sex‐craving maniacs. But, if a guy is exhibiting some cool traits and is just ON there’s a very good chance that a girl will hook up with him. And not to beat a dead horse, but this is EXACTLY why “sarging” doesn’t work on campus. It is not direct, it is about the game and it actually puts a lot of unnecessary barriers between you and a girl. Now by the time I was done with college, I had a line for just about every girl in every situation i.e. going to the laundry room, in the cafeteria, etc. But that was my opener, and usually I could be making out with a girl or more within 15‐30 minutes. Well, not at coffee shops, but there was more than one crazy laundry room experience. Remember guys, college girls love attention from men. You’re not doing yourself any favors by being passive, standing back and being “cool,” or waiting for her to come to you. Its just not going to happen. The seniors you see who girls are lining up to sleep with have cultivated their personalities and presence over four years. They may have had a pretty good identity and way with women going into college, but they did not end up being big men on campus by accident. Now what is funny is that I’ve helped out a few guys who were seniors and only had a few months left. We implemented some stuff that Lincoln came up with and within a matter of weeks, the guys were getting tons of action. It wasn’t the easy, girls‐lining‐up action that the true big men on campus were getting, but hey, it worked. Let’s get back to the notion of connection. I remember hearing Mystery say that the game is won in comfort. I guess he meant that a girl has to be comfortable with you and trust you to hook up. I’ve found that that’s kind of the case here in NYC, although I’ve also had some crazy street pickups coming home from work that got dirty within an hour. I guess at bars and when you’re doing the whole courtship thing its important that a girl trust you, especially if she thinks you’re relationship material and if she’s thinking of having sex with you on that basis. But that is the real world. In college, the rules are different. Most college girls are not screening for future husband material. They want to have fun and live out the storybook college adventure. So a lot of girls will hop into bed with you or fuck you in the bathroom at a party as long as you can be DIRECT and FUN. Even some of the most conservative girls I know had at least one or two one night stands with guys (sometimes me) because they “imagined they would” have a one night stand when they were in college. That’s the storybook college adventure. As for me, I DO like relationships but I rarely meet girls who keep me interested. So I’d rather fuck a girl first, then build a connection with her if we get along. In fact, this is how two of my relationships started. I wrote up a field report about one of them, and I’ll see if I can drag it up. Basically, I was kind of a dick to this girl until we had sex, then I was very sweet to her afterwards. We ended up dating for about five months. So remember, college girls WANT to hook up and they WANT to get crazy. I can’t tell you the number of times I got girls naked. Sometimes it was when we were hooking up of course, but there were a few spring breaks where I was there with girls who were friends and got them naked too. They’re DYING for an excuse to be “bad”. They just need to know that they can do it in front of a guy who will make it ok for them and who won’t judge them. If you can be crazy and fun and not be strategic and hide the fact that you want to hook up, you will be amazed at what girls will do. What to Do Instead ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐Ok guys, these emails have gone on long enough that I’m thinking the following: after this one, I’d like to do a conference call with you all and we’ll do a brain dump. Its clear to me that there is a lot of misinformation out there that is fucking you up. I’d like to suggest that on the call, some of you take notes – we’ll do it like a seminar. Then someone send me the notes and I’ll compile everything into one document that we can all reference. Sound good? Make sure to send me your Skype names. So this email is going to be about what you should do instead of being a sarging loser. Ok, so I was sitting around with friends the other day and one of them asked “an 18‐22 year old has to get his head around why girls his age are attracted to 30 year olds.” One of my mentors told me an interesting thing too… he dropped out of college at 20 to start a company, then came back at age 25. He had way more success as a 25 year old student (despite the weirdness of him being 25) than he did as a 20 year old. Why? Well, I’m going to save the four traits for our conference call. But at a very high level, let’s try to consider my friend’s question. Ok, a cool 30 year old guy, what does he have going for him? • Probably hooked up with more girls than a 20 year old • Not as worried about his ego • More comfortable with himself • More direct about what he wants with girls • Stronger sense of self So how do all these things manifest themselves when he’s talking to a girl? Well, she’s going to get a very different vibe from him, one that lifts her up. He doesn’t have to press her for sex because he assumes he’ll get it (because he knows he’s good at it and he sees sex as a gift to her). He’s more masculine. And rather than put other people down, he is cool enough to lift other people around him up. Here’s a story about Derek Jeter. I guess he was out at a bar and some guy walked up to him and was starry‐eyed, because Derek was his hero. What did Derek do? He bought the guy a beer and told him to hang out with his crew? There’s a guy who is trying to lift up his fellow man. What does a not‐so‐cool guy do? Well for one thing, he’s probably stuck in a posing contest with other guys. I remember back at school there was this kid whose Dad bought him a white BMW 330ci. The kid would drive around all day in it, blasting Hey Ya (remember that song!?) and just fucking posing. Everyone knew him, and the girls talked to him, but more to amuse themselves than because they actually liked him. He NEVER hooked up, and the worst part was that he mistook their bemused attention for sexual interest. He was always bragging to guys about how many girls liked him, but at the end of the day, he wasn’t the one getting laid. Its going to be impossible for me to lay out everything I did to understand college dating dynamics in one email and to answer the “what you should do instead” question, but let’s consider what we’ve covered so far: • Be adventurous • Don’t sarge • Lift other people up • Don’t pose • Show your interest • Kino a lot • Qualify her If you could fully internalize every single thing there you’d get laid a lot more. But I know that some of you have kept asking me “what do I say?” The real answer is that when you’re a pre‐selected badass, you can say the stupidest shit ever and still get the girl. But I know that doesn’t help you so what I’m going to do is lay out one way that you can talk to a girl about her major. This is an obvious way to start a conversation in college, and eventually gets supplanted by the equally obvious “what do you do?” question later in life. I was guilty of being boring as shit with this question in my early days in college, but with a little help from my mentors, I learned how to liven it up. The bad thing about the “what is your major” question is that so many guys have discussed it with her before, and thus, its easy for her to go onto autopilot mode and have the same conversation with you as she’s had with so many others. So your first imperative is to throw her off balance a bit, and show her that you’re different than the other lame‐o’s who are so desperately trying to seek rapport. Here’s a typical bit of conversation she’s had before: Friend‐zone Frank: So what your major? F: Oh, uh, English.. Frank: Cool, why’d you choose English? F: I don’t know (turns to friend…) Within two questions, Friend‐Zone Frank has lost the interest of the girl he’s trying to chat up. She knows exactly where this conversation is going, and she knows a lot about Frank based solely on the fact that he’s going down this path with his questions. Now, let’s consider an alternative. Playboy Paul: So, what are you studying? F: Oh, uh, English… Paul: Interesting, because you seem to have a pretty good grasp of it already. I mean, unless you’ve got on of those little earpieces like in 24, and a friend of yours is feeding you things to say. (now puts his hands on her shoulders, turns her gently to either side, and peers in her ears). Hmm, no bug. Ok, so why English? F: Haha, well… I don’t know. Maybe in the future I want to be a journalist. Playboy Paul has asked the EXACT same questions as friend‐zone Frank, but by using a playful misinterpretation, he’s made the conversation much more fun and interesting for her. He’s also kinoing her like I said you should, bringing the physical touch element. Let’s consider the meta of what’s happened here: Frank’s attempt at conversation works to try to build rapport and elicit information. Its your standard interrogation by one stranger of another. But Paul has used the conversation as a tool to express his fun and flirtatious personality, assuming the girl will want to play along. By taking a leadership role, Paul engages the girl and shows her that he’s different. So here’s what I want you guys to do: each of you come up with a playful misinterpretation for the following majors: Rasheed: Communications Chad: Chemistry Stan: English Navin: Psychology Nick: Business Shaun: Engineering Derick: Econ Alright, then here’s what I want to discuss in the conference call: • How college is different than real world game in more depth • The four traits I keep mentioning • Social cliques and how to use them • Being in that 20% of guys who hook up all the time • More detail about the mind of college girls, year by year • How to build social circles • Specifics on meeting college girls • Facebook game Let’s do it Saturday at 1, remember, get me your Skype names. POST-MORTUM Hello gentle reader, so I hope you found this helpful. Thought you’d be curious about what happened from here… I actually delayed the conference call for two weeks. I figured that if this system that was in my head would work for me, it would be interesting to see if it was teachable. So I sat down, and like any good analyst, created a badass powerpoint in the spare time I had. When we finally did the conference call, it lasted for five hours. Then we did a Q&A the next day. The boys went out and put it to work. Now its January and they have all experienced complete transformations in the lives on campus. I was psyched to know that this stuff was in fact teachable. Since then, I’ve been working with a friend to convert the raw powerpoint into a format that’s more digestible and doesn’t need me on the phone presenting it. Keep checking on my blog at www.theTruthAboutCollegeGame.com for updates. ‐Mark