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					                         MADD GATEWAY Affiliate

           The AKA Newsletter
Volume 2, Issue 6                                                                                 June 2008

                                                            MADD GATEWAY‟S OFFICE MOVES
       New State Executive                                  We are moving the office on June 8, 2008 at
            Director                                        3:30pm. We are asking all interested parties to
                                                            please attend and help us move in to the new
Tricia Carcopa is the new State Executive Director
                                                            space at 8762 St. Charles Rock Road St. John,
for Missouri. She comes to MADD with 25 years
                                                            MO 63114. Our phone numbers and fax
experience in Health Care and Non-Profit                    number will remain the same. We will officially
operations. She is looking forward to working               begin working in the new office June 9, 2008. If
with the many great people involved in MADD                 you have any questions or would like to
across the State of Missouri. Her office is at 3675         volunteer please email us at
Noland Road Independence, MO 64055. Her            or call us at 314-
phone number is 816-254-5200 and her fax is 816-            426-1595.


1    New State Leader and Farwell to Katie Heineman

2    Give and Take by Amy Stewart

4    2008 MADD Rock ‘N’ Bowl and Lifesavers Calendar

5    MADD in the Media and MADD Missouri Training           Saying Goodbye Is Hard To DO!
6    Courtroom News and Volunteer Advocates Trained         MADD Gateway’s Executive Director resigns
6    YIA Coordinator Training and Support Group
                                                            Katie Heineman has resigned as the Executive
7    Upcoming Events and Victim Impact Panels               Director for MADD Gateway effective May 23,
                                                            2008. Katie took a position with the Saint Louis
8    Honoring Our Loved Ones                                Auto Dealers Association. We wish Katie luck
                                                            and she will be missed.

                                                  Newsletter 1
                   Give and Take                             At times, caregivers also can become angry or resentful of the
                                                             responsibilities and tasks they have to do to care for the person.
Learning to provide care for a loved one while still         As a result, they may begin to dread the tasks. It can be
             taking care of yourself                         difficult to separate feelings about the tasks from feelings about
                                                             the person because, in essence, the person symbolizes the
    By Amy Stewart, MMSW, MADD National                      caregiver‟s situation.

Few people are trained or prepared to become a               But because the tasks and the person are so closely linked,
caregiver, and they‟re often thrown into the role            caregivers often mistakenly assign their feelings of anger and
suddenly, such as when a loved one suffers debilitating      resentment to the person for whom they are caring, when those
injuries due to a drunk driving crash. And often, just       feelings are really about the responsibilities. When this
when they‟ve started to get the hang of it, their role and   happens, the caregiver begins to think that he or she is a bad
responsibilities evolve as their loved ones‟ needs           person and immense feeling of guilt and self-lathing can
change. Caregivers must learn how to work with               surface. And because no one wants to admit to themselves-let
healthcare professionals, fine information, navigate         alone someone else-that they are having these “dark thoughts,”
insurance or other medical care resources, and perform       the burden becomes even greater.
a host of medical-related tasks.
                                                             “Caregivers may say to themselves, „if I really loved Mom, I
All too often, caregivers handle their responsibilities at   wouldn‟t feel the way I do about taking care of her,‟‟‟ Riley
the expense of their own welfare. And while                  explains. “The caregiver might feel guilty, as if he or she
caregiving will always be demanding, knowing what to         doesn‟t deserve to think and feel that way.”
expect and employing key coping strategies can help                    Another aspect that caregivers struggle with is the
you succeed in the role.                                     dynamic of the relationship they had with their loved one prior
                                                             to the injury.
Accepting the Role
                                                             In any relationship, there is a history. There are
In most cases, becoming a caregiver is an involuntary        communication patterns, expectations, ways in which things
process. Something happens to a loved one and your           were always done, and an investment of time and emotions.
instinct is to do what you can to help. But once placed      Depending on the type and severity of an injury, some or all of
in the position, many people don‟t recognize that they       those factors will not be different because the injured person
have shifted into the role of caregiver, in part because     has changed, which changes the dynamics o the relationship.
they have little sense of the bigger picture.
                                                             For the caregivers, these changers are part of the grieving
“In the beginning, caregivers are so immersed in the         process. They will experience grief over the loss of the
day-to-day activities that they don‟t understand that        relationship, who that person was the and the future they might
their situation is not unique,” explains Julia Balzer        have had together. The caregiver‟s healing journey if further
Riley, R.N., M.N. HNC, a psychiatric nurse, educator,        complicated by the fact that the situation can be unpredictable
speaker and author of the both The Gift of the               and ongoing.
Caregiver. “Also, many people don‟t identify
themselves as caregivers because they thing the act of       And, if there was any conflict of lingering after anger in the
caring for someone they love is just what you do.            relationship before the injury, the stress of caring for the other
They don‟t see themselves as placed in a role with new       person can bring back these issues tenfold, causing an even
demands and challenges.”                                     greater degree of internal conflicts and guilt.
However, the adoption of that new role is exactly what
needs to happen. For many, this transition can be            Riley says, “if you never got along with your mother before
difficult.                                                   she was injured and now you are her caregiver, you may find
                                                             yourself dealing with old feelings that can challenge yourself-
“There is a real loss of self that many caregivers           worth and confidence.”
experience,” Riley says. “There are also a lot of
common thoughts and feelings that can have enormous          Approaching Burnout
impact on a caregiver‟s well-being.”
It is not uncommon for caregivers to have thoughts           In addition to the internal conflicts caregivers experience, the
such as “I cannot take one more minute of this,” “I          realities of caring for another individual can take a toll.
would give anything for one day without having to care       Burnout and exhaustion are two of the biggest culprits
for this person‟ and “If I didn‟t have to do this, my life   affecting a caregiver‟s physical, emotional, mental, social and
would be so much easier.” These are normal thoughts          spiritual health.
and feelings.                                                          “Many caregivers are socially isolated and are not
                                                             involved in any physical activities,” Riley says. “In time,

                                                         Newsletter 2
stress chemicals build up and there is no way for those           soft tissue in the bone, “Kevin explains. “When the
chemicals to dissipate, which can cause burnout and               infection flares up, Mary Ann has to be admitted to the
exhaustion.”                                                      hospital for debridement of the infection and antibiotic
                                                                  treatment. In the beginning, there was a gap in time
Just ask Jeanne Brock. Four years ago, her husband,               between the infections. Now, the gat between infections is
Terry, was hit by a drunk driver and sustained a brain            narrowing and the length of treatment has increased.”
injury that rendered him in need of 24-hour care.
                                                                  As a result of these infections, Mary Ann frequently
Jeanne had to fight multiple government and private               requires a special brace as well as a cane, which limit her
entities to acquire the help she needs to care for her            mobility. And she has difficulty dressing herself, lifting
husband, stating that, “Getting help is a nightmare.”             objects and bathing. Mary Ann also requires frequent
For her, keeping it is even harder. “On Monday,                   infusions, the administration of IV fluids.
Wednesdays and Fridays, I have a home health care aide
for two hours. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have an aide          “We adapted to our situation, Kevin says. “We could have
from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., ”Jeaanne says of the schedule she‟s       easily gone home after the crash, decided to be depressed
supposed to have.                                                 about it, and ended up staring at the four walls for the rest
                                                                  of our lives. But I took a vow with Mary Ann to do what
“But the help is very inconsistent. Sometimes the aides           we have to do.”
are late, they leave early or they don‟t show up at all.
Many have quit because they cannot handle Terry‟s                 Research suggests that those who don‟t feel that they had a
behavioral problems,” she says.                                   choice in caregiving often report feeling higher levels of
                                                                  emotional and physical stress. The adaptation of
During her respites, Jeanne deals with insurance issues,          successful caregiving is influenced by the caregiver‟s
five different caseworkers and financial issues, and still        perception of choice in his or her function as caregiver.
has to find time to care for the couple‟s two children, age 7     “You have to make a choice at some point, “Riley says.
and 14. And because of Terry‟s ongoing needs the                  “When you have chosen to become a caregiver as a part of
unreliable nature of the assistance she receives, Jeanne          your life journey, you can accept what comes.”
cannot work.
                                                                  Keeping Hope Alive
“We lost Terry‟s income, they repossessed the car and I
was fired,” Jeanne says of her situation. I don‟t know how        Kevin knows that he and Mary Ann have had the benefit
I pay the bills everyone month, but somehow I manage.”            of learning to cope with their situation gradually, and he
She also says that while being a caregiver is physically          admits, “If it would have happened suddenly, it would
demanding, she believes that the social mental and                have been exhausting and overwhelming.” But as a 25-
emotional tolls have been much higher. “I have no                 year care giving veteran, he feels others could benefit from
freedom. I have no friends. I have no social life, “Jeanne        what he has learned along the way.
says. “And the worst part is that my companion is gone.”
          As difficult as it is, caregivers need to recognize     “I‟ve had to learn that I cannot do this all by myself,” he
that asking for time alone or for help of any kind is critical    says. “Reaching out for help is key. Allow family, friends
to their own well-being. “I sometimes must need a                 and neighbors to lend a hand. You don‟t have to believe
moment to myself,” Jeanne says. “Sometimes I just get in          in God to ask fro help from a church. You don‟t have to
my care and drive around. At lease I feel however briefly,        be a member of MADD to ask for help from MADD. You
like I am part of life.” Riley says, “If caregivers don‟t take    just have to ask.” Jeanne agrees. “The thing I would tell
care of themselves, it becomes difficult, if not impossible,      other caregivers is to do what is best for you and use all of
to care for their injured loved one.”                             the resources available to you.” And, as Kevin says, you
                                                                  have to remain optimistic.
Adapting to Change
                                                                  Recently, Mary Ann underwent a surgery where two
Not everyone is suddenly thrust into the role of 24-hour          antibiotic rods were placed in her leg to treat the infection
caregiver. Some find that their responsibilities develop          from the inside out. Kevin emphasizes the importance of
over time. Such is the case with Kevin McCunn, whose              hope by reminding other that “medicine is not static; it is
wife, Mary Ann, was injured in an August 1980 drunk               dynamic, always changing. There is always new
driving crash.                                                    technology. When Mary Ann was first injured and began
                                                                  to suffer from recurring infections, there was no antibiotic
Mary Ann sustained injuries that required an orthopedic           rod. Now she has a change at a whole new level of
procedure. During the surgery, something went wrong               recovery.”
that caused the problems she has faced ever since. “Mary
Ann suffers from osteomyelitis, a chronic infection of the

                                                          Newsletter 3
                                                                              Presented by:

                                                                            Sponsored by:

The MADD Gateway Affiliate is proud to announce
that it will be hosting its first ever MADD Rock „N‟
Bowl on Saturday, August 16, 2008, from 1:00PM-
5:00PM at Tropicana Lanes in St. Louis. This fun-
filled event will raise awareness about drunk driving
and raise money to benefit MADD Gateway. The
event, which is presented by American Equity
Mortgage, and sponsored by Fox 2 St. Louis will
feature a bowling tournament, music, classic cars, and
plenty of fun and games.
There are several ways that you can help make this
inaugural event a success. You can form a bowling
team and participate in the bowling tournament.                  Rock N‟ Bowl Webpage
Bowling teams will consist of four people and there is a
team entry fee of $200. Each team will not only                     The Rock N‟ Bowl‟s webpage
compete for the title of Bowling Tournament                    
Champion at the event, but they will also compete for         is up and running. Check it out for updates
the title of Fundraising Tournament Champion. While         about the event and to register your team. See
$200 is the team entry fee, it is only a minimum. The                    you August 16, 2008.
bowling team that raises the most money to benefit
MADD will win a fantastic prize. Not only is it a great
opportunity to show your (and your friend‟s and
family‟s) support for MADD, but it‟s also a wonderful
opportunity for us to honor our loved ones who we‟ve
tragically lost to drunk driving. So come and bowl and
raise money in support of MADD and in honor of our
loved ones. If you would like more information on
forming a bowling team, you can call 314-426-1595, or
visit to sign up directly in a
few weeks.

You can also become a corporate sponsor of the Rock
„N‟ Bowl. What a great way for your business to show
                                                                      The Calendar
its support for eliminating drunk driving! For
information on corporate sponsorships, please call 314-     The Lifesavers and Heartbreakers calendar is
426-1595 or e-mail MADD Gateway at                          almost complete. We are asking anyone interested                                  in selling them to please contact the MADD Office
                                                            so that we can distribute them to you as soon as
There will also be plenty of volunteer opportunities at     they arrive. The Calendars features 12 of Saint
the event as well and we will present those as the event    Louis‟ finest police officers and firemen. The
gets closer.                                                calendars are for the 2009 year and will be $10.00
                                                            each. If you have any questions please feel free to
We look forward to Rockin‟ and Bowlin‟ with you on          call the office at 314-426-1595. Thanks!
August 16!

                                                  Newsletter 4
                                                           MADD in the Media
                                                     The Gateway chapter has been in several news
                                                     articles this month. Please visit the following
                                                     web pages to check them out.

                                                     On the prowl for drunken drivers
   MADD Missouri Training                            No shortage of DWI arrests for local police
                                                     By Steve Pokin
MADD Missouri will be hosting a training             May 27, 2008
for MADD advocates throughout the state.
The training will take place at the Capitol
Plaza Hotel in Jefferson City on June 20-22,         008/05/27/news/sj2tn20080527-0528stc-
2008. This training will include the following       dwistop.ii1.txt
                                                     Sobering signs: Roadside memorial plan
      Diversity                                     could increase awareness of drunken
      Volunteer Recruitment and
                                                     By Shawn Clubb
       Development                                   May 21, 2008
      Field Fundraising
      Speakers Bureau                               008/05/21/news/sj2tn20080520-0521web-
      Media
There will also be a Candlelight Vigil and and       Stopping drunken drivers: State approves
                                                     alcohol-sensing machine in cars for repeat
Awards Luncheon. Attached is a draft agenda.
                                                     By Kalen Ponche
This wonderful training opportunity is open to       May 20, 2008
ALL MADD volunteers at no cost to you.
All costs (mileage, hotel, food) will be covered
by MADD's National office. Please let me             008/05/20/news/sj2tn20080520-0521stc-
know if you would like to take advantage of          ignition0.ii1.txt
this opportunity and we will get you
registered. You can call me at 314-426-1595          MADD Attacks 'Grand Theft Auto IV'
or e-mail us at           By Derrick J. Lang
                                                     April 30, 2008
Thank you all for everything you do!

                                           Newsletter 5
News from the court room…
St. Charles County

Thomas Beausang was sentenced on Friday, May
2, 2008 for the crash that injured Angela                              Support Group
                                                        Our last support group meeting was held on May
Beausang pled guilty to one count of second             12th and we had four victims attend. The topic
degree assault on January 22, 2008.                     that I had planned was “Building Memorials.”
                                                        Due to the great open decision between the
Mr. Beausang received a suspended execution of          support group members we never made it to our
sentence and five years probation with the              topic so our support group topic for July will be
Missouri Board of Probation and Parole. He must
                                                        “Building Memorials.”
have successful completion of the in custody
drug court program in St. Charles County.
                                                        Our next support group will be held on June 9th at
Jefferson County                                        7:00 p.m. at our NEW MADD Office located at
                                                        8762 St. Charles Rock Road Suite 102 in the City
The families of Brittany Cowin and Joshua               of St. John. The June support group will not have
Airaghi were in court in Jefferson County on            a set topic as it will be open discussion. I look
May 15, 2008 for the preliminary hearing for            forward to seeing everyone on June 9th at our
offender Samantha Winkle. The offender is               NEW office.
being charged with class B Involuntary
Manslaughter for killing both Cowin and Airaghi
on August 12, 2007. After the preliminary
hearing was held the judge determined no reason
why the case shouldn‟t be bound over to the
circuit court. An arraignment date of June 16,
2008 has been set.

                                                           Youth In Action Adult Coordinator Training

                                                        Katie Pirtle and Chris Hearst were trained as adult
                                                        coordinator for the Youth in Action program on
    Volunteer Victim Advocates                          May 10, 2008. With their help MADD Gateway
             Trained                                    will be moving forward with the Youth and Action
                                                        program. Please stay tuned for exciting details to
Congratulations to Barb Moyle and Mike                  come regarding this program. If you are interested
Oakes for completing the Beginning VATI                 in becoming an adult coordinator for this
training. We are luck to have you Barb and              successful underage drinking prevention program,
Mike!!                                                  please call 314-426-1595 or e-mailing

                                                  Newsletter 6
CALENDAR          OF   EVENTS                      Victim Impact Panels
                JUNE 2008                                 Update
                                                              May VIPs:
           DATE: JUNE 4, 2008
               TIME: 7:00PM                                  Crestwood
                                                               May 5
          OVERLAND CHECKPOINT                               57 offenders
            DATE: JUNE 6, 2008
                PLACE: TBA                                    St. Charles
              TIME: 10:00PM                                     May 15
                                                            112 Offenders
             MADD MOVING DAY
             DATE: JUNE 8, 2008
                                                               May 28
               TIME: 3:30PM
                                                            44 Offenders

         SUPPORT GROUP MEETING                                 Franklin
            DATE: JUNE 9, 2008                                 May 28
         PLACE: NEW MADD OFFICE                             38 Offenders
              TIME: 7:00PM
                                                             June VIPs:
             DATE: JUNE 17-20                                 Crestwood
            PLACE: ARNOLD, MO
                                                                June 2
      TIME: 8A-10A OR 12 NOON TO 4 PM
         DATE: JUNE 20-22, 2008                               St. Charles
          PLACE: COLUMBIA, MO                                  June 19
                TIME: TBA                                      6:45pm

                JULY 2008                                      Lincoln
            BUSINESS MEETING                                   June 25
            DATE: JULY 2, 2008                                   7pm
               TIME: 7:00PM
                                                   We wanted to send out a special
                                                  thanks to all of those who dedicate
         SUPPORT GROUP MEETING                     their time to making the panels a
           DATE: JULY 14, 2008                       success. You make a world of
           PLACE: MADD OFFICE                                  difference!!
              TIME: 7:00PM

                                   Newsletter 7
        Honoring Our Loved Ones

                  Todd Patrylo June 24, 2000

                Robert Hampson June 21, 2002

               Alex Chekoudjian June 26, 2005

              Melanie Wimchelle June 24, 2006

               Cailyn Callahan June 21, 2007

This June we are honoring the memories of five victims. Please take a
 moment to reflect and remember these victims and their families

                             Newsletter 8

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