The Most Disturbing Pictures of Santa Claus This Scandinavian album cover features a blue-eyebrowed, faintly-stoned-looking Santa. If you were hoping for a new bong for Christmas, this is your guy. Using the stealthy skills he acquired sneaking into homes for centuries, Santa decided he would burgle a bank and quit his job giving toys to ungrateful children. It feels strange referring to these awful things as "dolls." “Nightmare fuel" fits the bill so much better. We can only pray they don’t also talk. Mmm... delicious chocolate Santas... you are planning on eating those, right? If not, we don’t want to know. These photos prove that uncontrollable crying and lifelong emotional scars are at least as much of a Christmas tradition as having your photo taken with jolly ol' Saint Nick. See more lapsitting trauma incidents on the next page. Santa, no! People, please: stop spiking Santa's milk and cookies with bourbon! Ok, forcing your kid to sit on a man's lap despite their tears? Marginally acceptable. Having them sit on the lap of the scariest mannequin ever? That's just plain cruel. Now this is just wrong. Bad enough that Santa is teaching kids to smoke in this ad, but everyone knows Santa prefers the cool satisfying flavor of Camel Lights. Is this pervy Brazilizian Santa trying to hit on someone’s mom? What is he planning on doing with that cane? The image itself is not that disturbing, but the questions it raises may well keep you up at night. Well, no one ever said Santa isn't allowed to be sexy but... Santa isn't allowed to be sexy. Ew.