If You ll Then I ll by snoopdoggywuf

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									Title:
If You'll ... Then I'll ...

Word Count:
560

Summary:
There are frequently hidden and unspoken contracts behind actions that
you may not be consciously aware of, but affect your life. If you are in
a relationship you may say "If you bring me flowers, I'll feel loved" or
something similar. Discover more about these hidden contracts and how
you can break them.


Keywords:
goals, goal setting, motivation, success, living motivation, jason e
johns, sanjo, hypnosis, achieving your goals


Article Body:
Fill in the blanks in the above sentence however you want.

Have you heard this often?

Do you say it often?

Do you think it often?

This simple sentence is a contract that is often unconsciously created
with people, and it can have a disastrous effect on your life.

Just the other day, a friend was telling me about her husband and the
fact they had a weekend together without the children. She was telling me
that if he brought her flowers and took her out for dinner, then she
would feel loved and cared for.

Guess what, he didn’t buy her flowers or take her out for dinner. He
decided to sit in and read the new Harry Potter book!

And I wonder if you can guess how she felt?

That’s right. She felt rejected, unloved, unhappy and had a generally
miserable weekend.

And of course, he was oblivious to all this and had no idea what he had
done wrong!

Everyone creates unconscious contracts, from childhood through to
adulthood. You create conditions which rely on other people to perform
certain actions in order for you to feel certain emotions.

In fact, you often create the contracts with people and then don’t even
tell them about it!!!
How on earth are they meant to meet these conditions if they are not even
aware of them in the first place?

“If you do … then I will feel …”

“If you don’t do … then I will be …”

I witnessed a mother shouting at her son in the supermarket the other
day, “If you don’t behave then no one will like you”.

What a fantastic contract to put on a kid … NOT!

What effect do you think saying something like that could have on a
child?

Or even an adult?

You cannot make anyone else do anything; you can’t force people to do
things that meet your conditions. You have no control over anyone else.

The only person you can control is yourself.

If you are going to make these contracts with people, then tell them.
You’ll discover your relationships improve immensely because of it. Also,
you may find these contracts are met more often because at least by being
aware of it, the other person can attempt to meet it.

Watch yourself and see how often you say, “If you … then I ….” to
yourself. What effect does this have on your life? Do these contracts
make your life better or worse?

Stop making these contracts that make you unhappy and start making
contracts that make you feel great and improve your life.

What if you had a contract with everyone that said something like, “If
you are yourself and do whatever you do, harming none, then I’ll like
you”?

Do you think that would make you feel better?

Removing these contracts allows you to practise acceptance. You can
accept people for who and what they are and what they do. It allows you
to get on with these people better, stops you judging them and stops you
from allowing them to hurt you.

Accept the people around you for who and what they are and remove the
contracts that you used to have. You will find that your quality of life
improves because you are not being allowing them to hurt you any more.

								
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