Newsletter Christmas 2001

Hello! and welcome to the final cross country newsletter of 2001. We have certainly
 had a highly successful start to the year, with the highest number of new recruits to
  the club since records began in 1954 (the year Pete joined). We have introduced a
   (partially) successful new training session on Thursdays. We managed to put our
opposite numbers at Newcastle thoroughly to shame. And despite achieving stardom
     in the DUCK naked calendar we still managed to find time for a bit of serious
running. Judging from the talent that has been shown by many of our first years, this
    year‘s BUSA cross country promises to be our most successful ever. Read on…

                   Manchester University Cross-Country Relays

We made an incredible start to the years racing, in Manchester on Saturday, October
13th. After a guided tour of the region thrown in at no extra cost, which enabled us to
lose our pursuers Newcastle Uni AC in the depths of Manchester‘s suburbs, we were
ready to begin the season. Running particularly well for Durham men‘s A team were
freshers Jon Powell and Andy Maud, who along with Tom Bush, James Walsh, Tom
 Honnibal and Jamie Thompson brought the team home in an excellent 7th position
out of 59 teams. A performance like this from a slightly under strength team suggests
                  that the year could be very successful for Durham.

The men‘s B team; Andy Ford, Duncan Astle and David Rees were also aided by Jon
Powell, Tom Bush and captain James Walsh, who were running two legs. The B team
        made 26th place, which is still very encouraging in such a large field.

  The women‘s teams, clearly hastily drawn up finished in the order A, C, B. The A
    team was led off by Claire Waterhouse, followed by Nicola Fifield and Olivia
 Walwyn Olivia, in her debut performance for DUCCC, ran particularly well gaining
 the 11th fastest time of the day, 12.19, and bringing the team home in a fantastic 5th
 out of 39 teams. The C team, Claire Colmer, Louise Bardsley (honourary student!!),
and Claire Waterhouse, finished only 2 places behind the A team in 7th. Claire C also
made an outstanding start to the year running 12.27. The women‘s B team; Charlotte
Adams, Zoe Stephens and Claire Colmer running her 2nd leg ran well to finish in 13th

A successful day for Durham University was made possible by some very promising
 performances from our newcomers – evidently inspired by the usual application of
                      team nail varnish. Well done everyone!

              Past v Present/ Intercollegiate Challenge, 27th October

     As usual, our first home event was a great success with lots of people from
 outside the club turning up to run. In true cross country club style, all prizes were of
an alcoholic nature! Fortunately we had some decent weather which meant that parts
   of the course for once did not turn into tributaries of the river Wear. Despite your
 editor‘s best efforts to chase him down, Pete defended his title in the mens race by a
   comfortable margin in 20.38, followed by James in 20.55 . Thomas, on his debut
appearance as a Durham Old Hobbler, led the past team home in 3rd. Performance of
  the day though went to Olivia, winning the ladies race with an impressive winning
margin of 43 seconds, followed by Claire Waterbrain in 2nd and Rachael Lundean of
  Newcastle University in 3rd. The first college mens team as usual was John's, first
                              ladies college was Hild Bede.

     Well done and thanks to everyone who ran, also thanks to David for being a
      lot more organised than me, and to Nicola for recording the times at the

                              Newcastle Uni Bridge Run

 The evening of Friday, 16th November saw Durham University‘s newest and most
informal ‗multi-terrain‘ race take place. The High Level Bridge in Newcastle was the
                         course for an ingenious training run.

   The idea of the race is that teams of six compete, with each member of the team
having to run two legs across the bridge, between pubs at either end (or near enough).
  At the end of the 1st leg you run into the chosen pub and must drink, as quickly as
possible, a pint of bitter, lager or cider Once the pint is finished, the return run/stagger
  is made and when you reach the pub from which you started, you simply have to
      down another pint and the next team member goes off…sounds easy, eh?!

   The match held on 16th November was between the Cross-Country and Athletics
clubs of Newcastle and Durham Universities. Durham University Cross-Country Club
had 12 people running and just two members of the Athletics Club made the numbers
up to 14. In all, this included only two ladies so we split into two teams with the extra
 runners joining the 1st legs (the fastest to return would count). Newcastle Uni Cross-
         Country & Athletics Club also had two teams and so the race began.

When Durham arrived at the station, it was clear that the Newcastle Uni runners had
dressed up for a night on the town, whereas their Durham Uni counterparts, always
                the professionals looked like they meant business…

  Needless to say, the Durham University ‗A‘ and ‗B‘ teams finished in 1st and 2nd
  positions while Newcastle were left trailing. All this despite the fact that certain,
  clearly under prepared Durham runners were seen to be regurgitating the alcohol
                       immediately after finishing the 2nd leg!

  The entire evening, finishing in Newcastle University‘s Student‘s Union, was a
 wonderful success and it is hoped that a return leg of some kind will be arranged at
                              some point in the future.

                         Gateshead 5km Road Race 21/11/01
Durham University Cross-Country Club had a small contingent racing in this monthly
event held on the 21st of November. The course involves a lap of the track, followed
by a loop of the surrounding area, which brings runners back to the stadium to finish
the race with another lap of the track. Competing for the men were James "hardcore"
   Armitage, 1st home for Durham finishing in a quick time of 16m:17s, Tom B in
  16m:57s breaking away from Jamie hot on his tail in 17m:03s, both of these were
 personal bests. Randy was close behind in 17m:10s. Finally for the lads was Steve
  "Schwarzenegger" Smith in 18ish minutes (sorry Steve I forgot yur time!). These
       were impressive times by all considering the wet and windy conditions.

    The ladies as always battled hard, withOlivia coming home in 19:52, and Zoe
                      finishing in a personal best time of 20:26.

                                The team at Gateshead

                            Edinburgh Braid Hills Races

A select group of Durham‘s finest cross-country runners (what?) took the challenge of
 running up and down what can only be described as a MASSIVE hill in Edinburgh.
 Our team was Claire ‗the slug‘ W, Olivia Walwyn, Randy F, Tom B and Jamie ‗shit
off a stick‘ Thompson. It was bad enough that the train fare was a ridiculous 22 squid,
but, as Olivia quite rightly said, ―the additional fact that we ended up in Scotland was
 a kick in the teeth!‖ (Needless to say, on behalf of the entire club, please understand
             that statements such as this were completely tongue-in-cheek.)

  We arrived at the course in good time and were feeling pretty optimistic. That was
 until we saw this big ****off hill on which someone had placed a golf course! Tom
and Jamie‘s gut reaction was to ask Mummy Waterbrain, ―where are the loos?‖ Being
  of no assistance, Randy, Claire and Olivia went for a walk up the hill, so Tom and
  Jamie did their business in a golf equipment shop whilst eyeing up the chequered

  The girlie‘s race was first to start with just one lap to run. After running through 3
miles of hardcore mud, Olivia emerged to finish in 6th place and sneakily blag the 5th
position prize. Meanwhile Claire followed 2 places behind to finish an impressive 8th,
    just 1 ahead of her sister – who must‘ve been running at…wait for it…a slug‘s

  The blokes also did well…to finish the course of 2 three-mile laps. Jamie consumed
 an entire packet of Immodium shortly before the race which gave him a definite edge
and was therefore first for Durham with a strong 29th position. Next was Tom in 36th.
  I think Randy intended to copy Jamie‘s idea, however due to some confusion in the
  pharmacists his plan backfired. Andy found, only a short distance into the race that
 laxatives definitely don‘t have the desired effect. That‘s one mistake he won‘t be
making twice! After this unpleasant incident Andy‘s running was severely hampered
  and he was only able to secure 44th (there was a very large gap behind him – I
 wonder why??). Much of the above paragraph is fictional...the gap wasn't that big

 Unfortunately, due to a lot of people dropping out of the squad (after they heard they
  couldn't have a lie in) both teams were a runner short of a full counting team. In all
 honesty one extra runner wouldn‘t have made a blind bit of difference to the bloke‘s
 team position. That is unless Pete Grime had come along with a trailer and pulled us
round Ben Hur style, like some kind of human tractor…maybe next year. On the other
    hand, the ladies would most likely have secured a team prize if they could have
   persuaded any geriatric bystander to wear a number and walk their dog round the
                            course - Pete, where were you?!!

   WARNING: The XC exec would like to stress that the irresponsible use of
Immodium as displayed by Jamie Thompson on the 24th November will not help
 your running performance one iota. Please, do not encourage or look up to him.
                Randy made that mistake and it proved costly!

      North Eastern Harrier League, Chester le Street Riverside, Nov 25th

 Two hardened cross country athletes and one injured 'team manager' / photographer
   made the journey to Chester le Street in blustery conditions for this local but high
     quality league race. Despite the dry conditions underfoot, the 10K course left
 something to be desired in that the officials decided it would be a good idea to have
athletes crossing each others' paths during the race, which by the final lap resulted in a
   pair of temporary traffic signals in the form of marshalls being wheeled on to the
     course! However, despite this minor hitch, Durham performances were very
 impressive; Pete, running from the fast pack, achieved the second fastest time of the
day finishing in 31:00 and in 5th place overall. Mehmet, in his debut performance for
DUCCC, looked controlled for the outset and ran a solid race, coming home in 41.05.
                                        Well done!

                                     Other events

 This term has seen Durham cross country runners attend two training seminars held
   by BMC coach David Lowes, at Chester le Street riverside and Maiden Castle.
    Thanks to 1st years Olivia, Nicola, Zoe, Carla and Mehmet, for showing their
 commitment to the club and attending – especially Nicola and Mehmet, who along
 with myself, made it to the 2nd session despite the previous nights drunken antics in

  Also special mention should go to Olivia, who also completed the infamous 2 pint
   challenge and then made it all the way down to Margate to race in the Reebok
       Challenge International on Sunday 18th. That‘s what I call dedication!

                                   Naked Calendar
For the first time this year DUCCC took part in the highly respectable publication that
    is the DUCK naked calendar. It turned out to be the perfect inspiration for our
 Wednesday afternoon run. Gratuitous nudity was kept to a minimum, and it is hoped
     that the no-one was too disturbed by the rather frightening sight of Mr Grime
    whipping his shorts off as soon as he arrived halfway through the photoshoot.
   Mention should also go to David Rees for taking part in two of the pictures, and
                having no less than the star role in the athletics club shot.

  The calendars are selling fast so get yours at the Student Shop now! (What do you
                             mean you must be kidding…)

                                        nuff said

                                     Social events

 This terms socials have been poorly organised, crap, useless and boring, yet people
have come, no accounting for taste hey! The group bondage, get to know the freshers
 session was held at the bowling alley on Monday the 8th of October at 7pm. There
was about 12 people there and a good time was had by all. I‘m sorry to report that the
  whole evening was marred by an incident, a vicious attack upon the posterior of a
number of the second years. These attacks were timed to perfection as at the time the
victims were in the act of bowling, thus putting balance and concentration off leading
  to crap bowling action. I blame the freshers. If they hadn‘t been there non of this
                    boyish one-up-man-ship would have occurred.

Harry Potter was rubbish, no story line, badly acted, crap effects, we could go on… .
 The one saving grace of the film is its length: at least you didn‘t have to sit for too
 long. Having decided that we‘d not make it to Castle we picked a colloquial public
house as the venue for post film discussion. I think we managed to get by unscathed
  as there was only one shout of ―Get out Students‖ not really surprising when you
leave the door open for 10mins and ordering a ―Pint of Water Please if you‘ll be so
                                  kind good chap‖.

I didn‘t get time to write about the last social of term as my ball is bust (Ed: what??!!)

                Watch out for details of a great social early next term!
      Andy making a right fool of himself (as usual) at the athletics club dinner

                                ****POLICE NOTICE****
      Late on Saturday night there was an unprovoked attack on two Cross Country
    athletes, one male and one female, in the vicinity of the Rahduct. In what Police
 describe as ―an cowardly attack by a sick, desperate individual‖, the two undisclosed
club members were accosted as they got off a train at Durham Station. Although both
      were naturally distressed when talking about this harrowing experience, it has
    emerged that they were hit over the head with a hard implement, both left with 6
     funny looking spike marks on their scalp. On the face of the male victim was a
message written in glitter, ―now who looks camp‖. Similarly, the female athlete bore a
warning, ―you‘ll never beat me again‖. If this weren‘t enough, they were dragged to a
   dark, dingy, musty dungeon, somewhere nr the Rah Duct. When there, they were
     subjected horrifying abuse. They were force fed some witchcraft fetish potion,
 believed to have been microwaved eyeballs, and then overcome by a nauseous odour
for an un-known period of time, which forensic scientists believe was foot odour. The
   police have few leads, but do know that the assailant has what one of the hostages
 described as ―mingin, fake 70s‖ sideburns, and is reported to have a posh Yorkshire
   ―Harrogate Tory Boy‖ accent. The female victim recalled that the Yorkshire 'toff'
   wore a T-shirt with the proud statement, "I Love Wearing Fake, Joke-Shop Body
Hair". The dungeon where the two were held, a house on Pantsatine View, was empty
  of all possessions when raided. It looked as if it had been trashed, although a police
spokesman suggested that the house ―may normally be like a ****hole‖. Interestingly,
one of the few possessions left there were copies of Rustler Magazine and other filthy
  publications, stuffed beside the toilet seat. Please do not approach this individual—
despite his looks, police assure us that he is dangerous. Any sightings/smelling of our
              fugitive, please telephone Sideburnstoppers on 0898 234545.

                               Jamie’s gossip column

      As an exec we would like to politely point out how pissed off we are with
    everybody‘s lack of commitment, its all about dedication, stamina, endurance,
  practice and mental attitude. It is simply not acceptable spewing after 2 pints (you
                                   know who you are)

 No really seriously, all you freshers are wicked, thanks to all those of you who have
   raced for us and..…Maud, Zoe, Olivia, Carla Joe, Jon, Steve, Duncan, Nicola,
Charlotte, Memhet, to all those of you are in it for the training keep it up and we hope
                                 to see you racing soon.
The year started with a remarkable success. We had our biggest ever intake of fresher
girls, a feat which we all agreed was the best possible omen for a successful season. A
      season which we all expecting to be dominated by sweaty blokes and muddy
cracks. As an exec we did however take a while to focus on the job in hand and a few
   slipped through the net. Van Mildert Girl, where are you? Jamie put in his 100m
                   P.B (across fresher fair up stairs race) to catch you!

Not even the Lycra clad body M45 veteran (Slimey Grimey) could put off the masses
from our first Sunday run. Logistically the sight and smell of 120 hung over, unruly
 freshers, all demanding to be taken running is enough to give even the strongest of
constitutions a quick bout of joggers trots. A change of pants later, and we were off,
                                  Pied Piper style.

 Suprisingly(?) it was Randy runner Ford who set the tone of the first social. With his
 silver tongue and masculine, mature 3rd year ways he charmed like the best of them.
   His hopes dashed however by the slightly loser tongue of Waterbrain (Newsletter
    Letter 5.1 ―Randy Ford violated in Klute, Again‖) Despite Waterbrain‘s keenly
 anticipated offer of free snogs to the winner of the bowling, her super-strength shone
through and the boys never had a look in. Olivia how much did you beat Tom by? The
  arse pinching antics of Randy Andy saw the second games deteriorate in what can
   only be described as a disgusting display of familiarity between members of both

  Our first fixture took us to Manchester. All the southern pansies seemed to cope
   remarkably well with the culture shock. In fact it was the lightweight northern
 monkey who was humiliated, getting thrashed by Bush, (Thrush Street) not once but
                                  twice in one day.

    As usual the Past v Present was our first home event. Pete was in fine fettle,
 apparently his arthritis responding well to ―alternative treatment‖, possibly of the
 Chinese variety? Joe ―Sideburn‖ Hardiman put in his first racing appearance (mate
   with a little less wind resistance you could beat Armitage) And on the subject,
                           Armitage mate, you are hardcore.

The promise of exposed flesh provoked the biggest (ladies, the Captain) turnout of the
  season. Yes the Naked Calendar. Certainly a festive sight for the ladies, but boys
  where is the justice? The alternative Naked Calendar is also proving a remarkable
success, in fact one of our very own runners stared in it. Understandably they wish to
                                  remain anonymous.

There were more drunken goings on at the Newcastle Bridge race. By a cruel twist of
 fate Jamie went to head to head against the girlies. In what has been described as the
hardest race of his life, he saved his manhood with only a few sips of ale to spare. The
     exec would also like to thank Ben Wyllie for improving the relations between
     Newcastle AC and DUCCC. Can anyone explain why Sideburn Jo spotted the
  president of NUAC walking away from Hatfield college on Sunday morning? Ben,
                                  isn‘t that your college?
 Good old Harry Potter provided the entertainment for the penultimate social. Grimey
 was even kind enough to bring his daughter girlfriend along. As always Grimey has
  been the moral backbone of the club this season, and set a good example to us all,
defending the rights of the club at ever turn. No more shit from that farmer hey?! Well
not after telling him to ―fuck #@?‖ anyway. Never one to dawdle on a Sunday run, he
also conducted a lesson on ―the art of jumping level crossings‖. Getting stuck in front
                    of the GNER train was just part of the act, right?

It‘s something about the Andy‘s. Respect to Randy Maud who was spotted on a table
          at the Hild Bede Christmas Ball with seven drunken girls in tow.

 Well if only we could write about you all, hopefully next time! Some of you are just
                                 too well behaved.

Well I think that‘s about it for now. Next term we have the arrival of the club kit, the
annual bar crawl, and a weekend in Belfast to look forward to. Once again thanks to
 everyone who has supported the club this term – your commitment is appreciated!
              Have a great Christmas everyone and see you in January.

                    The exec aka James, Jamie, Tom & David xxx

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