Robit - Lucas O'Bryen's Audio re

							ROBIT
Issue 1: WAILIN’ WHININ’
Lucas O’Bryen
773-754-7924
obryen@gmail.com

ROBIT runs around the desert forgetting who he is and melting people in the progress. Read on and fall in love with a cuddly
metal man.

ROBIT is a comic series about a robot called Robit (because everyone mispronounces his name). Most of his adventures take
place in or around Tempeh, Arizona. He can swap out parts of his body for any mechanical structure he finds, which will be
immediately integrated into his systems and will often provide alternative functions based on what it originally did. Some new
body parts cause major system glitches. Given time, he may totally integrate a mechanical structure, converting it into a
perfect copy of the original body part.

Robit was built by Dr. 2, a strange inventor with whom the US government had a five minute war in the 80s. He had been
raiding military bases for parts and supplies to build scientist type things, they attacked him, he annihilated them. In the end,
he agreed to build his scientist things for the US government if they’d provide him with supplies and leave him alone, granting
his property sovereignty from the rest of the country. All was well until Robit was built, as he has an innate desire to explore,
and leaving the boundaries of Dr. 2’s property (the sovereign nation 2tonia) gives the government full ownership over him.
Now he spends his days outrunning the military whenever he feels like going for a stroll.

Robit develops a violent streak in his dealings with the military, but he has a strong artistic, peaceful side as well, and the two
drives sometimes swap for no reason at all. This leads to Robit stopping to sketch a passing deer in the middle of a firefight,
that sort of thing. Robit has to learn to live with the fact that he’s not all about violence and mayhem, that a major part of him
is a tree-hugging hippie.

Sound effects are only included in the first little while because I got tired of making them up. I’ll throw some in based on the
art, or in the final script before the art actually gets started.

PAGE 1

1: Full page black. White text box in the middle.

ROBIT THOUGHTBOX:
ERROR: LINE FOUR
ERROR: LINE FOUR
ERROR: LINE FOUR
ERROR: (change in font) Smile!

PAGE 2

1: POV Robit. Everything is black except for a thin spot of light in the center.

2: Same view, but the spot of light has expanded to a fuzzy view of a building.

3: Same view, the line has expanded all the way, revealing a gas station in a desert. There is only one car, and it’s parked in a
space, not at a pump.

4: Large panel. View from behind and above Robit. He’s standing about twenty feet outside the gas station, facing it. His right
arm is missing from below the shoulder, and wires and shit are dangling from the injury. His head is backwards (so his head is
facing the gas station and his body is facing the viewer). He may show other signs of damage, up to you. Issue title and credits
at the bottom of the page.

ROBIT THOUGHTBOX:
It’s a beautiful day.

PAGE 3

1: Small panel. Inside the gas station, view of the checkout counter. The attendant, a dressed-down drag queen, is sitting
behind the counter. There’s a half-empty bottle of whiskey on the counter in front of him, and he’s eating ice cream out of a pint
carton thing.

2: Small panel, same view.

SFX:
JINGLING

3: Small panel, same view. Robit is standing in front of the counter now (the attendant can still be seen as Robit is standing
slightly to the side). His head is still backward, so we see the front of his torso but the back of his head. The attendant hasn’t
looked up from his ice cream.

ATTENDANT:
Your head’s on backwards.

4: Close-up of the back of Robit’s head. Robit has put his remaining hand on his head (the back) in a sideways grip.

5: Same view. Robit pulls his hand back so it spins his head around the right way, and now we see his face clearly. He’s smiling
a robot smile.

6: View from behind the counter. The attendant’s head and upper back can be seen. Robit has turned around to face him.

ATTENDANT:
What might you be needing?

ROBIT:
Good morning!

PAGE 4

1: The attendant looks up, confused. He holds a spoon full of ice cream inches from his mouth.

2: Robit smiles back at him.

3: The attendant smiles at Robit in a buzzed, I’m eating ice cream kind of way.

Well good morning to you too. Is there something I can help you with?

4: Very small panel. Robit bonks his hand against his chest.

5: Same view. Robit’s chest has opened, revealing itself to be a cash register.
SFX:
KLIK

6: Robit extends his hand, holding a large stack of cash. It’s dripping with blood.

ROBIT:
It’s a beautiful day.

7: The attendant looks at the cash, which Robit has placed on the counter. He looks unnerved, but not quite scared.

ATTENDANT:
You’re damn right.

PAGE 5

1: Robit has turned around and is walking out of the store.

2: Robit has stepped through the door and is almost gone.

ATTENDANT:
Uh, thanks.

ROBIT:
You’re very congratulated!

3: Outside the gas station. Robit is walking toward a pump station thing (the big thing with the pumps attached).

4: Robit puts his hand on the pump station-

SFX:
KRRR

5: And knocks it over. Mechanical shit is sticking up where it used to stand, and gas is leaking all over the ground.

SFX:
KRLUNK

6: Robit has upturned the pump station and reached his hand inside from the bottom.

SFX:
SHKFLIF

7: He pulls out a big hunk of mechanical crap with a gas pump on the end.

SFX:
SKRAAK

8: Robit’s arm-stump falls off, leaving an empty socket.

SFX:
CLONK
9: Robit jams the mechanical shit into the stump.

SFX:
KRUNCH

PAGE 6

1: View of the mechanical shit. The mechanical shit is affixed to the stump.

2: Same view, but the mechanical shit has morphed itself into something like a mechanical arm with two gas pumps forming a
sort of claw.

3: Robit crouches.

4: Robit springs into the air and rolls into a wheel-ball (he doesn’t transform, but his joints may move funny to give him a
distinctive wheel shape).

SFX:
CHIKCHA

5: Robit has rolled far away from the gas station, quickly by the look of all the dust still in the air.

SFX:
ZOOOOOOOOOOM (The zoom stretches along his track, getting smaller as it gets further away)

ROBIT THOUGHTBOX:
I am in the desert.

PAGE 7

1: Side view of Robit, still rolling, just jumped a canyon.

ROBIT THOUGHTBOX:
DEEEEEEEEESERT Trail mix press it’s a BEAUTIFUL my impression of the impression of others, contradictory to my waking
thoughts , is that nothing is beautiful in the desert.

2: Robit is rolling some more. Feel free to make this look cooler than it is. Add some desert animals or something.

ROBIT THOUGHTBOX:
It’s a lot of sand, and rock, and some dried out plants and animals. That’s what they say to THINK, anyway.

ROBIT THOUGHTBOX (SOME MORE):
I haven’t made up my mind yet. It’s a new mind and its assembly is in prog- ERROR: ERROR: ERROR: RUN: TOOLBOX\LERNER\

3: Robit stops suddenly and unfolds. His torso has swiveled so that the cash register is on his back now, but his chest is an
amplifier which is pointed to the sky.

ROBIT:
(Little notes around this) A-WAY OUT HERE THEY’VE GOT A NAME FOR RAIN, AND WIND, AND FIRE
ROBIT:
THE RAIN IS TESS, THE FIRE’S JO, AND THEY CALL THE WIND-

5: Robit folds back up and recommences rolling.

ROBIT:
Fig Newton!

ROBIT THOUGHTBOX:
I’ve got to-

6: Robit unfolds again, resumes his musical mode.

ROBIT:
-BLOWS THE STARS AROUND, AND SENDS THE CLOUDS-

7: Robit folds up again and rolls a ways.

ROBIT THOUGHTBOX:
-get to-

8: Robit unfolds.

ROBIT:
-MAKES THE MOUNTAINS SOUND LIKE-

PAGE 8

1. Folds and rolls.

ROBIT:
I fucking HATE “Paint Your Wagon!”

2. Far overhead view of Robit, his track visible behind him. Far ahead of him (on his way), a speck of a building can be seen.

3. Within panel 2. Close-up of the speck of a building, it’s a Dairy Princess (knock-off of Dairy Queen).

4. Close view of the Dairy Princess. A cloud of dust rushing in through the side indicates that Robit just rolled in, along with the
music coming from inside.

ROBIT:
BUT WHEN YOU’RE LOST AND ALL-

5. Robit is walking into the Dairy Princess. The cashier is a bucktoothed blonde with a plastic tiara and a gown stained with ice
cream, holding a blue slushy looking drink in her hand. She smiles at Robit.

CASHIER:
Hello, valued customer! Would you like to try our new Super Frozen Icy Blast Freeze Arctic Chill Blast?

6. Robit stares at the cashier while she continues to smile.
7. Same perspective. The cashier holds out the drink toward him.

8. Robit breaks into song again.

ROBIT:
AND I’M A LOST AND LONELY MAN

9. The cashier smiles and delivers her speech again over the singing.

CASHIER:
Hello, valued customer! Would you like to try our new Super Frozen Icy Blast Freeze Arctic Chill Blast?

PAGE 9

1: Robit grabs the drink from the cashier’s hand.

ROBIT:
WITHOUT A STAR TO GUIDE ME

2: Robit pours the slushy drink all over the amplifier.

ROBIT:
-BLOW MY LOOouurrrvv-

3: Sparks come from the amplifier as it breaks.

4: Robit smiles at the cashier and puts another bloody stack of cash on the counter in front of her.

ROBIT:
You’ve been very helpful.

5: Robit has rolled out the door the way he came, a cloud of dust following him. The cashier hasn’t touched the cash, or
changed position at all, but has continued to stare ahead, smiling.

CASHIER:
Hello, valued customer! Would you like to try our-

PAGE 10

1: View from behind Robit. Robit is rolling away from the Dairy Princess, the desert and some cool rock stuff ahead of him.

2: Robit has gone a bit further ahead, and now the hint of a shadow can be seen ahead of him.

3: He’s gone even further, and the shadow has solidified.

4: Robit is startled into unfolding as a giant cyborg turkey (and it’s a scary looking cyborg turkey) drops to the ground, with gun
turrets mounted on its shoulders and a platform mounted on its head. On the platform are two soldiers and one officer.

5: The turkey stares down Robit.

6: Robit smiles back at the turkey.
7: The officer shouts and points at Robit.

OFFICER:
Get him!

8: The turkey spreads its wings, revealing laser cannons underneath. The soldiers repel down the turkey on ropes, but the officer
remains up top on the head platform.

PAGE 11

I don’t have a specific panel structure in mind, so here’s a description of the fight and you can draw it however you like. I’ll come
up with random sound effects to match your art. They’ll be awesome.

The turkey’s gun turrets fire at Robit, who backflips out of the way (or just springs backwards if that’s easier to draw). The
soldiers flank Robit from about 20 feet away. Robit dodges turret fire from the turkey and gun fire from the soldiers, closing in
one of the soldiers. The turkey’s laser cannons charge just as Robit reaches one of the soldiers, and as they fire, he holds the
soldier in front of him to block the blast. The soldier is completely disintegrated.

With the one soldier down, Robit folds up and rolls toward the other soldier, rolling just ahead of another laser blast.
Meanwhile, the officer up top has started chucking grenades at Robit. On the way to the second soldier, Robit grabs a grenade
from the ground that hasn’t exploded yet. He gets to the soldier, stuffs it down the soldier’s pants, then hops on the soldier’s
shoulders. Before the soldier can react, the grenade explodes, causing the soldier to explode into meaty chunks and sending
Robit flying upward onto the neck of the turkey.

Now on the turkey, the officer draws a laser pistol on Robit and starts firing at him. Robit dodges the shots and points his pump
station arm at the officer, spraying him with fire. The now-aflame officer runs in panic and falls off the turkey, but drops his
laser pistol. Robit grabs the pistol and aims it at the bird’s eye, then fires, piercing through to its brain and killing it.

PAGE PROBABLY 15

1: Robit jumps off the turkey before it falls to the ground.

2: He lands on the burning officer (who is still alive and running around screaming), knocking him to the ground and pinning the
officer beneath Robit’s weight.

OFFICER:
AARGH! AAAH!

ROBIT:
I have an idea: if you tell me what I want to know, I’ll put you out of your misery. If not, I’ll let you keep right on burning to
death.

3: The burning officer looks up at Robit, most of his face now roasted off.

OFFICER:
Y AAAGH!!!

5: Robit smiles down at the officer.

ROBIT:
Good. I’ve had this mind for about ten minutes and already I’ve been attacked by cybernetic poultry. All I have of my previous
mind is the 1995 to 2003 seasons of Good Morning America. TELL me: who am I, who made me, and who do you work for?

5: The officer’s face is now nothing but a skull.

6: Robit frowns at the officer.

ROBIT:
I see. Well, I’ll be off. Thank you for your patience.

PAGE 16

1: Robit rolls away from the scene of the turkey.

ROBIT THOUGHTBOX:
That was unfortunate. Perhaps I should try killing them after I ask the questions. But who knows when I’ll next meet a group
of-

2: A giant cyborg koala with rocket launchers mounted on its shoulders and, true to form, two soldiers (who are sitting on the
shoulders, arming the rocket launchers) and an officer on its head, suddenly lands on the ground in front of Robit.

ROBIT:
Oh, my, that is convenient.

3: The officer points at Robit and shouts.

OFFICER:
There he is, get-

ROBIT:
Excuse me, would you mind answering a few questions for me before we have our epic showdown and I kill all of you?

4: The officer and soldiers look a bit flustered.

OFFICER:
Er, I suppose. Go on, then.

ROBIT:
Thank you, sincerely. Do you know who I am?

OFFICER:
Why, you’re that Robit everyone’s been talking about. And you were made by Dr. 2, the man who lives on Thayer Street about
a mile east of here.

5: Robit smiles at the officer.

ROBIT:
You guessed my next question! You clever man.

6: The officer smiles at Robit in a helpful sort of way.
OFFICER:
It’s an officer’s job to be perceptive to the needs of others, Mr. Robit.

ROBIT:
Quite, quite. Thank you, really, I do appreciate your help.

OFFICER:
Oh, not at all, not at all. What were we doing again? Oh, right.

7: The officer looks crazy and angry.

OFFICER:
Get him!

8: Robit rolls away. Behind him is a dead giant cyborg koala with two dead soldiers and an officer on fire.

PAGE 17
Panels 1 through 6 should all be fairly small and crowded together toward the top of the page.

1: The all-knowing, some-revealing ROBIT LESSON OF THE DAY. All panels included in the lesson should look like a friendly, easy-
to-read instruction manual. In this panel, Dr. 2 is seen standing next to Charlie, a little boy with a round head and has one arm
and no legs. Charlie sits on a little cart with wheels. Dr. 2 himself looks like a middle-aged scientist, lab coat and all, and is
constantly smoking a pipe. The two of them are in a blue-themed, friendly looking laboratory with a projector screen behind
and to the side of them. They are both looking at the reader. Charlie is wearing an electronic collar.

DR. 2:
Charlie, look! It’s a brand new reader. Say hello, Charlie!

CHARLIE:
Hello, Charlie!

2: Dr. 2 presses a button a remote control, and Charlie’s collar electrocutes him. Charlie’s skeleton can be seen like an X-Ray
(because that’s what happens when you get electrocuted), and a light on the collar has turned red to indicate that it’s the collar
doing it.

3: Charlie starts to cry while Dr. 2 talks over him. He has put the remote back in his lab coat.

CHARLIE:
WAAAAAAAHHH!!!! WAAAAHHH! WAH! WAH! WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

DR. 2:
Welcome to the exciting world of Robit! And, more importantly, welcome to your very first ROBIT LESSON OF THE DAY,
wherein you will learn the secrets and sandals of your favorite robot (and my third-favorite), Robit!

4: Dr. 2 continues talking, Charlie continues crying. Dr. 2 is reaching into his lab coat for the remote

CHARLIE:
WAAAAAHHH!!! WAH WAH WAH WAH WAAAAH!

DR. 2:
Today, we will learn about- excuse me for a moment, please.
5: Dr. 2 zaps Charlie again.

6: Charlie looks terrified yet pacified (as well as a bit cooked), and Dr. 2 continues to talk all friendly-like.

DR. 2:
Today, dear reader, we will learn about Robit’s sense of direction. What fun! What fun.

You see, Robit has a knack for exploration, a trait that I, Dr. 2, programmed into him out of love and a desire for hard candy.

CHARLIE:
Hard... candy...

7: The projector screen is lit up with a display of an actor in a cheap Robit costume conversing with an actor in a military
costume standing on a giant stuffed koala (with rocket launchers mounted on its shoulders). This is a dramatic re-enactment of
the scene between Robit and the koala-riding officer. Dr. 2 is pointing at the screen with the remote. Charlie is coughing
quietly, covering his mouth with his one hand.

DR. 2:
In this dramatization of the scene you just read, Robit displays his manners and tact. All learned from me, of course.

ACTOR ROBIT:
Hey, where’s Dr. 2?

ACTOR OFFICER:
Go east!

ACTOR ROBIT:
Thanks.

DR. 2:
Such a fine young man.

CHARLIE:
cough cough cough

PAGE 18

1: Dr. 2 is talking, Charlie is looking at his hand. Behind them, the projector shows Actor Robit tearing the head off Actor Officer
with his bare hands.

DR. 2:
Robit displays such tact that even his enemies are glad to stop and give him directions. In this way, he has conquered directions
(as have I, vicariously), and together, we will go on to conquer a now-directionless world!

CHARLIE:
I think I coughed up blood.

ACTOR OFFICER:
OH SHIT OH NO GOD NO AAAAGGGgghgugghurglgle...
2: Dr. 2 looks crazy as he rants. Robit has appeared to the side of Dr. 2 (in front of the projector). Charlie is still looking at his
hand. The stuffed koala is on fire in the scrap of projector that can be seen.

DR. 2:
You will all bow before me! It is my will that sustains you, and my whim that destroys you! Behold, I am your new god, and
Robit is my angel of death!

CHARLIE:
That looks like a tumor.

ROBIT:
Dr. 2?

3: Dr. 2 is startled and turns to look at Robit. He presses a button on the remote and a trapdoor opens underneath Charlie,
causing him to drop into the unknown depths of 2tonia. The remote makes a little click sound when he presses it. The projector
shows the 2tonia coat of arms, two laser pistols crossed like swords and the number 2 surrounded by butterflies. If you can
think of something better, be my guest.

DR. 2:
Robit, you’re back! Did you have a nice walk?

ROBIT:
I killed some people and sang a showtune. Who was that boy?

CHARLIE:
(from the trap door) AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

4: The trap door is closed. Dr. 2 is smiling at Robit now.

DR. 2:
Boy? There was no boy, Robit.

CHARLIE:
(from under the floor, muffled) I’m down here! Help me, please!

ROBIT:
I can hear him right now, he’s screaming for help.

5: Dr. 2 presses a button on the remote, zapping Charlie again.

CHARLIE:
(from under the floor) AAAARRGG!!!

DR. 2:
You’re imagining things, Robit. Now, where is my beef stick and happy cone?

ROBIT:
Beef stick?

PAGE 19
1: Dr. 2 looks mildly amused. Robit looks confused.

DR. 2:
Yes, Robit, I sent you out to bring me a beef stick from the gas station and a happy cone from the Dairy Princess, and you have
returned to give them to me.

ROBIT:
 I’m afraid my memory was wiped by an unknown agent, and has only partially recovered. We should investigate the matter
immediately.

DR. 2:
Yes, of course, but you still haven’t given me my snack.

2: Dr. 2 looks mildly angry.

ROBIT:
Sir, my memory was wiped, I had no record of the errand you sent me to perform.

DR. 2:
You didn’t bring me...

3: Dr. 2 explodes in rage.

ROBIT:
But the matter of my memory indicates that we have an unknown enemy, and we must-

DR. 2:
YOU DIDN’T BRING ME MY HAPPY CONE!

4: Robit looks taken aback, Dr. 2 is pressing the remote button in fury. With each press of the button, Charlie screams in agony.

ROBIT:
I-

DR. 2:
I ask for SO LITTLE!

(He presses the button with a click.)

And I get EVEN LESS!

(Click.)

Where would this world be without me?

(Click.)

WHERE?

(Click.)
CHARLIE:
(In time with the clicks) AAAARGGH! AARAAAGHH! WHHHYYYYYY!!! WHHYYYY MEEEE!!!

4: Dr. 2 is huddled over in a little ball, shaking. Robit is bent over him, a worried look on his face.

ROBIT:
Dr. 2? Is there something I can do to help?

CHARLIE:
(from under the floor) My lungs are on fire!

PAGE 20

1: Full page panel. Close-up of Dr. 2’s face. He looks livid and insane.

DR. 2:
You will go BACK OUTSIDE and find out who dares erase your memory, thereby RUINING MY SNACK TIME!

NARRATOR BOX:
Next Issue: DR. 2 HAS GRAHAM CRACKERS INSTEAD. Don’t miss it!

Rough Outline

Story Arc 1: Snack Time

Robit’s memories are erased and only partially recovered. Dr. 2 is furious, as this has caused Robit to forget to bring him his
snacks. Dr. 2 sends Robit to attack the local military base formed to watch 2tonia. Robit fights his way to the general in charge
and cuts off his arms to get him to talk, then receives a transmission from Dr. 2 explaining that he (Dr. 2) wiped Robit’s memory
because he wanted to change his order to Lunchunables and a Storm Stacker, but he forgot all about it. Everyone has a good
laugh and Robit runs off.

Story Arc 2: Captain 2tonia

The attack on the military base prompted the US to go to war with 2tonia for the second time in history. The draft is reinstated.
To counter Robit, the US creates a super soldier by the name of Lieutenant Liberty. Arizona becomes a war zone (Arizona?
More like Warizona.) in a massive fight between the US military and an army of robots, mutants, giant insects, and talking
hippos. Lieutenant Liberty manages to take down Robit, but Charlie comes out wearing a mixing bowl on his head and holding
a trash can lid as a shield, and proclaims himself Captain 2tonia. Lieutenant Liberty breaks out laughing, distracting him enough
for Robit to turn him into deli meat. The war is over and 2tonia wins, claiming the entire southwest in its victory.

Story Arc 3: Ice Cream Man

The President of the United States declares a trade embargo against 2tonia, outlawing the export of ice cream and closing all
locations of the Dairy Princess franchise within 2tonia borders. Dr. 2 goes stir crazy without his ice cream and Robit sets up a
smuggling network of ice cream trucks. The smugglers end up intruding on mob turf, and Robit has to pay his respects to the
local ice cream don. There happens to be an attempt on the Don Gelati’s life while Robit is meeting with him, and Robit saves
him. As a result, the Don inducts Robit into the mob, thus fulfilling their affirmative action quota for robots.

And that’s as far as I’ve thought it through.