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BOAT BOAT a Powered By Docstoc
                                a sketch by Alex Musson

Fx:        Sound of ocean, splashing and coughing of man floating out at sea

Swimmer:   Don’t think I can stay afloat much longer. Wait, is that…is that a boat? Over here! Help!

           Over here!

Fx:        Rowing

Boatman:   Hello? Hello is there someone there?

Swimmer:   Oh thank god! Yes, down here!

Boatman:   Alright mate? How’s it going?

Swimmer:   Well, not good! As you can see, I’m kind of clinging to this old bit of wood in the middle

           of the ocean.

Boatman:   Hey, don’t knock it mate! See this boat I’m in here? More trouble than they’re worth, I

           tell you. To be honest it’s doing my head in.

Swimmer:   Well… ha ha ha… I wouldn’t mind being in a boat right now…

Boatman:   Nah, it's all hassle really. You're just romanticising it.

Swimmer:   I’ve been out here such a long time. I don’t think I can stay afloat much longer.

Boatman:   I tell you mate, you’re better off where you are. These boats take up all your time,

           you’re no longer your own man. You don’t have any time to yourself.

Swimmer:   Please, I really need to get out of this water…

Boatman:   You don't know how lucky you are, floating free on the waves with all the mermaids.

           This sea is full of ‘em these days! Darting and weaving around, flirting with you lucky

           swimmers, coming their hair on rocks, moonlight playing on their soft pink breasts.

Swimmer:   Are you quite mad?

Boatman:   Mermaids are fantastic. And here I am stuck in this boat. I mean, don't get me wrong,

           it's a nice boat, but to be swimming in the cool water, completely free…

                                                                            ‘Boat’ by Alex Musson – pg 1
Swimmer:   Oh god, I’m getting tangled in this seaweed. I think it’s going to pull me under…

Boatman:   I mean, there you are having a fantastic time. I’m stuck in this boat and you’re off

           larking around with those dolphins.

Swimmer:   What? Oh god, sharks! Please, help me! I think something just brushed my leg…

Boatman:   Anyway, you don't want to be hanging around with a sad old boater. Got to get back to

           all those water nymphs, eh!

Swimmer:   For Christ’s sake! I’m going to die!

Boatman:   I don’t know, living the life of riley in the ocean free and then moaning about it to us

           boring old rowers.

Swimmer:   <sputter, cough> oh God! I’m going under!

Boatman:   Anyway, good talking to you. Bye! Well, best be getting back.

Fx:        Rowing

Boatman:   Bloody pain in the arse boat.

                                                                              ‘Boat’ by Alex Musson – pg 2

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Description: BOAT