Learning Center
Plans & pricing Sign in
Sign Out



  • pg 1
Ephesians 5:22-33


Every institution has a secret behind its success and marriage is not an exception.
There are people who are married who do not know why they are married or who
they have in their bedroom.

People who know the secrets of their trade lead as captains of their industries, they
leave the rest behind, they are the top dogs who set the pace and dictate the
movement of their trade. They rule their land and bring excellence to their

Likewise, people who know the mystery of marriage stay together in a lifelong
commitment and in absolute faithfulness. They understand their defined roles,
experience mutual submission, have open communication and enjoy spiritual
companionship and sexual fulfilment. This becomes a marriage ordained from
heaven and they are seen as relevant models and trees under which other marriages
take shade.

The mysteries of marriages
   1. The mystery of communication.
      A lot of marriages suffer ‘talk seizure’ which sometimes lead to marital heart
      failure. Men are most often the culprits as a lot become bored so quickly and
      while most women end up with this universal complaint of ‘he doesn’t talk to
      me’; majority of men confess their wives ‘talk too much’. The challenge of
      marriage is to keep the line of communication open, strong, tight and
      unbroken. Marriage, just like prayer is a dialogue and just as people often
      complain about running out of words, losing interest and focus in prayer so it
      happens in marriages. How do we find new and interesting things to talk
      about without boring out each other for the rest of our married lives? This is
      the first mystery.

   2. The mystery of cohabitation.
      In a challenging situation such as we face, every marriage is a potential target
      for temptation. The Bible commands that marriage is honourable and the bed
      is to remain unpolluted. The challenge of your marriage is to remain as you
      vowed, for better and for worse. There should no outside interest, no middle
      age entertainer and in old age the wife nurses the husband after he has spent
      all his youth on her. How do we live together in love for 60-80 years or longer
      without losing interest or getting tired of our company? This is the second
   3. The mystery of cooperation.
      Men by nature are leaders and superior in many things than women therefore
      to submit to women is often alien to their psyche. It takes humility to have a
      fruitful marriage as compromises will have to be made, to have one’s own way
      at all times will spell disaster for the marriage. Marriage is not a dictatorial or
      autocratic arrangement, it is a mutually beneficial ordained institution of
      helpers and both must have a contribution to its growth and fulfilment.
      How do I remain a principal partner in this union without compromising my
      integrity and how do I submit always without appearing weak? This is the
      third mystery.

Way out
  1. To find answers to these mysteries, you must solicit the help of God who
     ordained the institution. You are unique and God knows the different
     challenges that will come and how your marriage will be sustained and hold
     out in the future. He has a way prepared for you already, trust Him.
  2. To find out from those experienced, ask Mummy how to be a dutiful husband.
     She will know because she as the customer knows the goods better so they
     are always right, they are the buyers and the consumers of the products.
     Daddy might say things to deliberately boost the ego of his product and this is
     what Company Directors do. The woman should ask Daddy how to be a good
     wife. He will tell her what a man wants in a woman.
  3. The final help is to ask yourself a personal question. What am I hoping to
     contribute into this marriage? It is what you sow into your marriage that you
     will reap. Your output will be determined by your input. Your marriage has
     great potentials, therefore no plan B in case of failure. Speak life and you will
     reap life because your words have creative power.

The truths about marriages
   1. No marriage is forever, all marriages end on earth.
       You are to fully discharge and empty all your virtues on this lifelong
       commitment, do not reserve your energy for the next one. We are not in a
       religion where you marry 72 virgins in paradise, supported by many loose
       women. This is a permanent contract with unreserved mutual love.

   2. No marriage is absolutely perfect, every marriage has surmountable
      The woman will grow in size and there will be changes in her mood and
      dietary demand at a certain stage in life and the man will develop a likeness
      for a new hobby. These will present an adjustment in your behaviour, work
      commitment and social undertakings. You might need to learn new culinary
      skills and develop new interests in sports, entertainment, politics, religion and
   in his or her career. This will help you to find grounds for communication at all

3. You are not married to the wrong person.
   In the time of adjustment to this new life, you might begin to question
   yourself especially when there is a conflict between your idealistic expectation
   and the reality. You begin to notice the weaknesses of each other more than
   the strengths and you begin to wonder. It is the new personal discoveries
   about yourselves that make marriage interesting and the little projects of life
   improvement that keep your senses tuned. This is normal and with God,
   prayer and time you will grow together. Your attempt at changing yourself as
   an individual brings positive changes to your relationship. Do not make an
   attempt to force a change in your partner but focus on yourself first. Once
   married, stay married! That is your logo!

4. A failure of one is not a failure of all.
   This I say to the wife: your husband is the Prophet, Priest and king in the
   house; the presiding Bishop and head over all affairs. However, it might not
   happen quickly as expected, then help him out with wisdom especially in all
   his spiritual roles-organise the family worship, if he comes late read with the
   kids and pray for them before bed.
   His failure to fulfil one role is not an excuse for your disobedience and
   negativity. The wife is influential as the neck that turns the head, you are his
   helper and he has become your ministry. You are the virtuous woman in his
   house (Prov. 31:10-31) and the example he looks up to when he is weak and
   the helper he waits for when vulnerable (1 Pet. 3:1-6).
   To the husband: your wife’s failure to subject herself to you in everything
   initially is not a rationalisation for failure in the marriage. Only weak men
   blame their wives for everything wrong in the family, it is the ‘Adam’s
   syndrome’-the wife you gave me. We are to learn to turn negatives to
   positives together and to learn how to rule over our individual negative
   passions so that they will not rule over us. This is the essence of marriage.
   A man who fails to take responsibility in decision making and avoids his role,
   holding his wife captive and refuses to provide for her and the family is worse
   than an unbeliever (1 Tim 5:8).

5. He is not all about sex and she is not about lipsticks and lashes. Contrary to
   your opinion, he is not always thinking about sex (or rather he will not always
   be thinking about sex). It is the responsibility of the wife to remind the
   husband of his other areas of responsibility where he can channel his extra
   energy. The woman initially is more into the marital arrangement because the
   maternal instincts kicks in faster than the paternal responsibility and therefore
   let him know of your spiritual and emotional needs.
You should be his teacher but at the same time, be careful of emotional
manipulation that you do not deprive or defraud him of his physiological need
in exchange for your emotional need.
She is not only about beauty treatment-pedicure and manicure though
admittedly women spend more on their beauty than men, take longer time to
dress and think more about their physical appearance than men.
When she spends money meant for the house on aesthetic stuff for the ‘show’
of friends and when she buys on influence rather than postpone gratification;
remind her that more attention should be paid to the hidden person of the
heart rather than external virtues (1 Peter 3:4).
Try giving each other the benefit of the doubt and the privilege of ‘aftermath’.
You are on a learning curve and it continues until the end.

Remember ‘marriage is not so much about finding the right person but as you
being the right person’. You are to help out each other find fulfilment, to
come to the measure of Christ, to complement and complete each other like
the missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle.
Marriage is about your leaving Dad and Mum, your cleaving to each other and
your weaving together to become a blended union.
You have shopped at God.com and you have picked the best reservation from
His shelf. There is no money back guarantee, no exchange and no refund. This
is not a damaged good, she is a well packaged present delivered to you from
heaven. There must be no abuse or misuse!

To top