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Why do I spend so much time having arguments with people who dont

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Why do I spend so much time having arguments with people who dont Powered By Docstoc
					     Why do I spend so much time having
    arguments with people who don’t exist?

We all do it – run conversations in our heads.

We replay conversations that happened.

We change them a bit.

We say the things we wish we’d thought of at the time.

We come up with the perfect reply to a really annoying comment – hours after the
conversation happened….

But you know what -?

It makes no difference.

It changes nothing.

The conversation happened as it happened. The person you were talking with isn’t
changed or affected, however many times you rerun that conversation in your stressed
and tired mind.

It’s a waste of your energy.

Sometimes it works the other way round – we have long, complex and stressful
conversations in advance. We’re afraid something is going to happen, something we’re
dreading, so in our head we have the argument, the self-justification, the tears, in
advance. We suffer all that stress and then you know what -?

The thing we were dreading goes ahead and happens anyway (so we get all the stress
of dealing with it for real as well as having the stress of dealing with it in advance) or it
doesn’t happen (and all that advance stress was for nothing) or something totally
unexpected happens (and we get stressed because we were so convinced outcome A
would happen, we hadn’t even started stressing about outcomes B, or C, or D…..).

The thing about these situations – and all the other ones like them – is that the person
you are talking to isn’t there.

You are wasting your time, wasting your imagination, wasting your energy and forcing
yourself to live in an imagined high-stress place, instead of spending your time living in a
real low-stress place.
Now if you want to have a less-stressed life, deliberately imagining yourself into stressed
places, when you don’t need to, cannot be a good idea!

(If realising that makes you feel a little ridiculous – join the club! Our minds spend huge
amounts of time getting us to do ridiculous things. Your mind is like a brilliantly inventive,
undisciplined child and your job is to get it to channel its brilliance in PRODUCTIVE
ways.)

Sure, sometimes having these conversations with people who aren’t there makes us feel
a bit better – but only a bit and only for a little while. Then we run them again. Then we
run them again. Like a dog with a rag doll, we worry away at them until there are bits
strewn all over the place.

It’s a mental junk food. Feeling like you got one over on someone who was out to get
you, having the last word (though you’re the only one talking) – it gives you a little
moment of feeling better. Then you come down from the high and need another hit to
stop yourself feeling so bad.




Would you like to know more?

This is an extract from “Solve Your Stress” by Hamilton Bachs - a complete and practical
workbook to help you identify and solve the things that cause stress in your life. In 15
clearly written chapters, Hamilton Bachs helps you identify the causes of stress, change
how you think about those causes of stress and apply practical strategies to your life to
put YOU back in control.

Further extracts are available for download from www.solveyourstress.com and the
whole book is available for purchase and immediate download from
www.solveyourstress.com/SYS.html

				
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