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KING RAT – AUDITION PIECE Act One - Scene Two Another Street In
KING RAT – AUDITION PIECE Act One - Scene Two: Another Street In London (Sound FX: Thunder or Dramatic chord. Enter King Rat DSL with his Rat soldiers (Children’s chorus) (There should be an Audience reaction as King Rat enters) King Rat Oh shut your noise you ‘orrible lot! Any more trouble from you and I will set my rat army on you! Ahhh! Nobody loves me! Nobody understands me!! (Audience reaction) King Rat When I was young I was so ugly my mother used to pin the nappy round my face! (Audience reaction) King Rat But I’ll get my revenge on the world when I rule the humans! (Audience reaction) King Rat What? Should I leave these humans in peace? (Audience reaction) King Rat Should I give up my plans to enslave them under my rat rule? (Audience reaction) King Rat Should I live the rest of my life living in a sewer and eating their rubbish? (Audience reaction) King Rat Oh, come on, be reasonable! A villain’s gotta do what a villain’s gotta do! All my plans are working perfectly. I just need to find that treasure map and then I will have riches beyond my wildest dreams and with money comes ultimate power. Now to summon my chief henchrats to attend my bidding! (King Rat blows a whistle to summon them. Nothing happens for a few seconds. He tries it again. Nip and Tuck enter DSL and approach him) King Rat Where have you been? You are supposed to attend me immediately I blow my whistle! Nip Oh, no, you don't understand, we’re not late for this time … Tuck No, we’re just early for the next time! King Rat I see! So what’s the word on the street? Nip Er… ”No left turn”… King Rat No, you numbskulls, I mean, have you found the treasure map yet? Nip Ummm… (After a bit of thought) No… but we’ve looked almost everywhere chief! King Rat I have to get that map. How can I succeed if I don’t have the money to fund my devilish plans? Nip What plans are they, oh wicked one? King Rat (In a booming, vicious voice) To take over all the towns and cities with my wonderful little rat creatures! (He gestures to the other Rats who all nod fiendishly). King Rat To make sure we’re not treated as vermin anymore! To find that Pied Piper fellow and give him a taste of his own medicine. Tuck That’s all very well, but we can’t find this map anywhere. The treasure has probably been found already... Nip Couldn’t you just get a bank loan? King Rat (Staring at Tuck) What? And become ordinary like … like them! (Pointing at the Audience) Never! I will have that treasure map and you (Pointing at Nip, Tuck and the rest of the Rats) will find it for me… now! Tuck (Shaking with fear) S… s… sorry your most magnificent majesty! Nip (Also shaking with fear) We’ll continue looking straight away. (In a loud whisper to Tuck) He’s being a right pain in the neck. Tuck (In a loud whisper to Nip) I’ve got a much lower opinion of him! King Rat Silence! I am the leader, the King. When I was born they fired a 21-gun salute. Nip (Aside to Tuck) Pity they missed! King Rat Anymore insubordination and I’ll be forced to slit your throat from ear to ear. Nip From here to where? King Rat (Gesturing around Nip’s throat) From that ear to that ear. Tuck Where’s here? King Rat This ear! Nip This here where? King Rat That there ear. Tuck Which here? King Rat This ear to that ear. Nip (Gulping hard) My ear? Tuck His ear? Nip I know I’m ‘ere! King Rat I mean from there to there. Tuck Where’s there? King Rat (Getting irritated) This there! Nip This there where? Tuck You’re there! Nip I know I’m here … you told me that already! King Rat (Letting Nip go who falls into Tuck’s arms) I’ve had enough of this ‘ere nonsense … Nip & Tuck Ear, ear!! King Rat Enough of this nonsense! You have the rest of the day to find that map. Fail me and it will be curtains Nip & Tuck (General gibbering and over the top panic) Curtains? King Rat Oh pull yourselves together! Go on, clear off and find me that map!
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