Are You A Relationship Addict By JoyRae Freeman_ The Cosmic Cupid by tyndale


									                              Are You A Relationship Addict?
                                 By JoyRae Freeman, The Cosmic Cupid

        Perhaps you’ve gone from one relationship to another - or observed others who have. It’s very
much like other addictions, such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, prescription or even hard drugs.
WITHOUT the “fix”, you don’t feel okay, don’t think everything is balanced, feel there’s a void in your
life-you’re basically feeling incomplete and don't believe you can function on our own.
         There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship - it’s a very natural
condition, However, to be in a relationship just for the sake of it – without respect to the compatibility
or without considering whether both parties are balanced enough individually to make good partners -
is just as destructive as the “substance” types of addictions. Addictions, by nature, are based on NEED
and dependency.
       I recently read a “Dear Abby” column in which a daughter was expressing her concern about
her mother’s series of marriages. The mother is a financially secure, successful career woman who
cannot be without a man in her life. She’s gone through 5 marriages to date, most of which were to
alcoholics, drug addicts, or otherwise imbalanced men – one of them took everything from her house.
And the minute she gets the divorce, she’s online looking for another man.

        The daughter is legitimately concerned; however, it’s very difficult for another person to
intercede in this type of behavior. Abby’s advice was that if the current engagement results in a
similarly unsuccessful marriage as the others have - - that perhaps the mother will consider getting
some help. Perhaps an intervention by other family members would be a compassionate next step –
although I don't know if there are trained therapists who could facilitate that type of addiction

        When this “void” is present in someone’s life, it represents a part of them that they believe is
lacking and it will take dedicated effort by THAT person - the one who has the hole in their bucket - to
become whole and feel complete. If the mother were to begin doing volunteer work, or take some art
classes, or get involved with a serious fitness and self-empowerment program, chances are she would
not feel so”needy” and not be so insatiably feeding off the energy of another person.

       These men and women think they are looking for MR/MS RIGHT – but is it not REALLY
“Mr/Ms RIGHT NOW”? The relentless feeling of being “ready” is not necessarily a sign that it is time
for you to match up with your special someone. What it likely indicates is that you are NEEDING
something to fill a void in your life NOW.

        Some never break out of this endless cycle. But, it's not just women who get stuck in this
pattern. Many women AND men, spend so much time looking for, and then maintaining, relationships
( nearly always imbalanced) - that ultimately they never find themselves. However, there are some
who DO overcome that tendency and then they cannot believe all the time and energy they once wasted
- now that they are active, happily busy - discovering all of their own talents, gaining new knowledge,
thriving as independent and joyful individuals.

        There is SO much to discover about ourselves - the calendar can be completely full of new
experiences, new learning, new levels of growth and transformation. And once we begin to grow and
expand, our criteria for that “significant other” changes. It includes someone different than before and
the “list” will probably include “growth-oriented” if we’ve done our homework. We never really have
to stop growing, you know.

        When two people who are both growing and changing DO find each other – there’s another
whole level of excitement in the relationship. And of course, you still want to avoid using the “grab
bag” approach. Take your time; get to know the person gradually. Enjoy the friendship aspect first and
then let the romantic flame start burning.

        In my Conscious Mating workshops/retreats and individual counseling sessions – I create a safe
environment to facilitate new patterns, increase awareness and begin the journey to become a more
positive influence in our communities – through more mindful and considerate romantic relationships.

JoyRae Freeman is a Spiritual Warrior, Master Healer, Matchmaker, Retreat Facilitator, Writer, and
producer of the internationally award-winning radio program, “Joy to the World,” soon to be webcast
and syndicated. Come to her Conscious Mating workshop on April 3, 2010, in Helena. (See Directory
under Classes for more info.) For relationships counseling, call JoyRae at (406) 449-5537 or e-mail Visit

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