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Are You A Relationship Addict? By JoyRae Freeman, The Cosmic Cupid Perhaps you’ve gone from one relationship to another - or observed others who have. It’s very much like other addictions, such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, prescription or even hard drugs. WITHOUT the “fix”, you don’t feel okay, don’t think everything is balanced, feel there’s a void in your life-you’re basically feeling incomplete and don't believe you can function on our own. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship - it’s a very natural condition, However, to be in a relationship just for the sake of it – without respect to the compatibility or without considering whether both parties are balanced enough individually to make good partners - is just as destructive as the “substance” types of addictions. Addictions, by nature, are based on NEED and dependency. I recently read a “Dear Abby” column in which a daughter was expressing her concern about her mother’s series of marriages. The mother is a financially secure, successful career woman who cannot be without a man in her life. She’s gone through 5 marriages to date, most of which were to alcoholics, drug addicts, or otherwise imbalanced men – one of them took everything from her house. And the minute she gets the divorce, she’s online looking for another man. The daughter is legitimately concerned; however, it’s very difficult for another person to intercede in this type of behavior. Abby’s advice was that if the current engagement results in a similarly unsuccessful marriage as the others have - - that perhaps the mother will consider getting some help. Perhaps an intervention by other family members would be a compassionate next step – although I don't know if there are trained therapists who could facilitate that type of addiction intervention. When this “void” is present in someone’s life, it represents a part of them that they believe is lacking and it will take dedicated effort by THAT person - the one who has the hole in their bucket - to become whole and feel complete. If the mother were to begin doing volunteer work, or take some art classes, or get involved with a serious fitness and self-empowerment program, chances are she would not feel so”needy” and not be so insatiably feeding off the energy of another person. These men and women think they are looking for MR/MS RIGHT – but is it not REALLY “Mr/Ms RIGHT NOW”? The relentless feeling of being “ready” is not necessarily a sign that it is time for you to match up with your special someone. What it likely indicates is that you are NEEDING something to fill a void in your life NOW. Some never break out of this endless cycle. But, it's not just women who get stuck in this pattern. Many women AND men, spend so much time looking for, and then maintaining, relationships ( nearly always imbalanced) - that ultimately they never find themselves. However, there are some who DO overcome that tendency and then they cannot believe all the time and energy they once wasted - now that they are active, happily busy - discovering all of their own talents, gaining new knowledge, thriving as independent and joyful individuals. There is SO much to discover about ourselves - the calendar can be completely full of new experiences, new learning, new levels of growth and transformation. And once we begin to grow and expand, our criteria for that “significant other” changes. It includes someone different than before and the “list” will probably include “growth-oriented” if we’ve done our homework. We never really have to stop growing, you know. When two people who are both growing and changing DO find each other – there’s another whole level of excitement in the relationship. And of course, you still want to avoid using the “grab bag” approach. Take your time; get to know the person gradually. Enjoy the friendship aspect first and then let the romantic flame start burning. In my Conscious Mating workshops/retreats and individual counseling sessions – I create a safe environment to facilitate new patterns, increase awareness and begin the journey to become a more positive influence in our communities – through more mindful and considerate romantic relationships. JoyRae Freeman is a Spiritual Warrior, Master Healer, Matchmaker, Retreat Facilitator, Writer, and producer of the internationally award-winning radio program, “Joy to the World,” soon to be webcast and syndicated. Come to her Conscious Mating workshop on April 3, 2010, in Helena. (See Directory under Classes for more info.) For relationships counseling, call JoyRae at (406) 449-5537 or e-mail email@example.com. Visit www.consciousmate.net.
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