The Stupidest Video Game Accessories Ever
Full game emersion! Hyper-real sound! Realistic vibrations! Even worse posture than you had before (and it was already bad)! You can have all these things and more with these chairs designed specifically for the gamer with money burning a hole in his pocket.
This adapter allowed gamers to connect Sega Saturn controllers to their Dreamcast consoles. Although it doesn’t seem like a bad idea on the surface, there are two major problems with it: 1) Backward compatibility should be built in, not sold as a peripheral 2) No one bought a %&!#ing Saturn console
Even though fans responded well, Nyko’s Wii Party Station was a horrible idea. Not just because it cost $50 to make and sold for $25, or because chips sitting in a grubby plastic tray are less than appetizing, but because it had 4 cup holders, and gamers don’t usually have 3 friends IRL (in real life).
This food for gamers boast that it won’t grease up your joystick but will feed you essential nutrients to improve your gameplay prowess. The flavors include Action Pizza and Sports PB&J, but they forgot to add “Fat Shut-in Ranch” and “Pimply Virgin BBQ” to the product line.
For the last time: no amount of useless merchandise, no matter how authentic, will turn you into The Lich King, Master Chief, Link, Luke Skywalker, or someone attractive to the opposite sex.
Don’t lie to yourself, because we all know the truth: you saw the movie “The Wizard” with Fred Savage and bugged your parents for a solid 2 months to buy you one. When you got it and saw how poorly it worked, you either stashed it in a closet forever or simply used it as a gamepad with a limp rubber hand sticking out of the right side.
Aw! It’s so tiny and cute! Sadly, all the cuteness in the world couldn’t make this memory card / mobile gaming unit useful or fun to play with. Sure, the mini-games you could play on it were neat, but you know what was even better? Games on an actual console. Plus, you needed tiny baby fingers to hit the buttons, not the bloated meathooks on the ends of most gamers’ arms.
Rez is a great game, and to enhance the rhythmic experience, the developers bundled the Japanese version with something they called a Trance Vibrator. We could make a number of wisecracks right now, but the truth is even more hilarious: they were discontinued after people started using these devices for… non-trance purposes… on their genitals.
Ok, don’t look so shocked, you knew this crap-tastic robot would make the list. This admittedly cool-looking bot spun discs to assist gamers in playing one of the most boring games ever, Gyromite. That’s it. Given it’s limited functionality, it’s likely most gamers bought one in hopes that it would gain sentience and be their first real friend.
Aside from having a vaguely perverted-sounding name, this Famicom game came with the strangest controller ever: an inflatable motorcycle. So in summary, it’s called Top Rider, you blow into to make it work, and then you stick it between your legs. And this wasn’t sold in sex novelty shops… why?