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ESOL Writing Intensive 2010

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ESOL Writing Intensive 2010 Powered By Docstoc
					Welcome to Massey from the
 Student Learning Centre




       Martin McMorrow
      ESOL Learning Advisor
 SLC Online Resources

tinyurl.com/2rlcoe   academic vocabulary

tinyurl.com/6xy9hy     podcast

tinyurl.com/slcalbany     Student Learning Centre


tinyurl.com/slcvideos    video presentations

owll.massey.ac.nz    online writing and learning link
     Study Skills Presentations

   Wednesdays 12 pm QB5
Mar 3/ Jul 21     Paragraph writing
Mar 10/ Jul 28    Essay writing
Mar 17/ Aug 4     Report writing
Mar 24 / Aug 11 APA referencing
May 12, 19, 26
Sep 29, Oct 6, 13 Exam skills
         Part 1
• What is academic English?

• How good is your academic
English vocabulary?

• How to deal with new
vocabulary in readings
   Everyday English            Academic English
Teachers play a big part in    Teachers can influence the
motivation because, if you     motivation of their learners. A
ask me, even if you‟re         study by Nikolov (2001)
motivated to begin with, if    showed how initially positive
the teacher‟s boring, you‟ll   attitudes to language learning
soon lose your motivation.     were badly affected by a dislike
                               of the teaching methodology
                               (as cited in Dornyei, 2005, p.
                               75)

  Opinion is clear.             Opinion is equally clear

  But it sounds personal.       But it‟s expressed impersonally

  And no evidence is            And supported by reference to
  given                         relevant research
All sources used must be referenced

               Teachers can influence the motivation of
in-text        their learners. A study by   Nikolov
               (2001) showed how initially positive
               attitudes to language learning were badly
               affected by a dislike of the teaching
               methodology (as cited in     Dornyei,
               2005, p. 75)
Most paragraphs in the body of your essays and reports
should include 1 or more references (author‟s surname
+ year of publication + page if it‟s a direct quote)
And the full details need to be in your reference
list at the end

Dornyei, Z. (2005). The psychology of the language learner.
       Mahwah, NJ.: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.




                             title
                    (year)           city
               name,
               initial
                                            publisher
Example reference list (APA style)
Crookes, G., & Schmidt, R. (1991). Motivation: Reopening the research
        agenda. Language Learning, 41, 461-512
Davidson, C., & Tolich, M. (2001). Social science research in New
        Zealand. Auckland, New Zealand: Pearson Education
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-
        determination in human behaviour. New York: Plenum
Dornyei, Z. (1994). Motivation and motivating in the foreign language
        classroom. Modern Language Teaching Journal, 78 (iii), 273-284
Dornyei, Z. (2005). The Psychology of the Language Learner. Mahwah,
        NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates
Gardner, R. C. (2001). Integrative motivation and second language
        acquisition. In Z. Dornyei & R. Schmidt (Eds.), Motivation and
        second language acquisition (pp. 1-19). Honolulu, HI: University
        of Hawai'i Press
Skehan, P. (1989). Individual differences in second language learning.
        London: Arnold
More advice on referencing at:
  http://tinyurl.com/slcvideos
  http://owll.massey.ac.nz/referencing.php
  Weds Workshop on March 24th in QB5 at 12 noon

In addition to including referencing, academic
English also has:
    • more exact, technical or formal vocabulary
    • more complex noun phrases
     • more use of impersonal structures and fewer ‘you’ and ‘I’

Let’s compare sentences from two paragraphs about ageism –
one in academic English and the other in ordinary English
same paragraph written in ordinary and in academic English
Comparison of everyday and Academic English

„Ageism‟ means when someone is treated badly
just because they‟re young or old.


 Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination
 towards someone on account of their age” (Smith &
 Davidov, 2003, p. 23).
Comparison of everyday and Academic English

„Ageism‟ means when someone is treated badly
just because they‟re young or old.


 Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination
 towards someone on account of their age” (Smith &
 Davidov, 2003, p. 23).


  • more exact, technical or formal vocabulary
Comparison of everyday and Academic English

„Ageism‟ means when someone is treated badly
just because they‟re young or old.


 Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination
 towards someone on account of their age” (Smith &
 Davidov, 2003, p. 23).


   • more complex noun phrases
Comparison of everyday and Academic English

„Ageism‟ means when someone is treated badly
just because they‟re young or old.


 Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination
 towards someone on account of their age” (Smith &
 Davidov, 2003, p. 23).


  • more complex noun phrases
Comparison of everyday and Academic English


What matters most isn‟t whether or not someone‟s
treated differently but whether it‟s got anything to
do with what‟s going on at the time.


The crucial aspect is not discrimination in itself, but
its unfairness.
Comparison of everyday and Academic English


What matters most isn‟t whether or not someone‟s
treated differently but whether it‟s got anything to
do with what‟s going on at the time.


The crucial aspect is not discrimination in itself, but
its unfairness.

     • more complex noun phrases
Comparison of everyday and Academic English


What matters most isn‟t whether or not someone‟s
treated differently but whether it‟s got anything to
do with what‟s going on at the time.


The crucial aspect is not discrimination in itself, but
its unfairness.

  • more exact, technical or formal vocabulary
Comparison of everyday and Academic English


What matters most isn‟t whether or not someone‟s
treated differently but whether it‟s got anything to
do with what‟s going on at the time.


The crucial aspect is not discrimination in itself, but
its unfairness.
Comparison of everyday and Academic English


For instance, someone might not get a job or get
promoted because people think they‟re too young
or too old.


Let us consider the case of someone prevented
from obtaining employment or promotion
because they are considered too young or too old.
Comparison of everyday and Academic English


For instance, someone might not get a job or get
promoted because people think they‟re too young
or too old.


Let us consider the case of someone prevented
from obtaining employment or promotion
because they are considered too young or too old.

 • more exact, technical or formal vocabulary
Comparison of everyday and Academic English


For instance, someone might not get a job or get
promoted because people think they‟re too young
or too old.

Let us consider the case of someone prevented
from obtaining employment or promotion
because they are considered too young or too old.

   • more use of impersonal structures
Comparison of everyday and Academic English
 You‟d probably think that a bar that wouldn‟t give a
 job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was being a bit
 ageist and if that person was good enough in
 every way except for the fact that they were
 getting on a bit, then you could call them ageist
 and, if you ask me, they wouldn‟t really have a leg
 to stand on.

 A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to
 serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that
 person fulfilled the employment specifications in
 every other respect.
Comparison of everyday and Academic English
 You‟d probably think that a bar that wouldn‟t give a
 job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was being a bit
 ageist and if that person was good enough in
 every way except for the fact that they were
 getting on a bit, then you could call them ageist
 and, if you ask me, they wouldn‟t really have a leg
 to stand on.
 A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to
 serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that
 person fulfilled the employment specifications in
 every other respect.
  • more exact, technical or formal vocabulary
Comparison of everyday and Academic English
 You‟d probably think that a bar that wouldn‟t give a
 job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was being a bit
 ageist and if that person was good enough in
 every way except for the fact that they were
 getting on a bit, then you could call them ageist
 and, if you ask me, they wouldn‟t really have a leg
 to stand on.
 A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to
 serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that
 person fulfilled the employment specifications in
 every other respect.
   • more use of impersonal structures
Comparison of everyday and Academic English
 You‟d probably think that a bar that wouldn‟t give a
 job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was being a bit
 ageist and if that person was good enough in
 every way except for the fact that they were
 getting on a bit, then you could call them ageist
 and, if you ask me, they wouldn‟t really have a leg
 to stand on.
 A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to
 serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that
 person fulfilled the employment specifications in
 every other respect.
         • more complex noun phrases
Comparison of everyday and Academic English

 But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if
 they didn‟t take on a 16 year-old for the job
 because they‟re not allowed to do so.


 However, no one could claim a bar was being
 ageist because they didn‟t employ a 16 year-old,
 since they are legally prohibited from doing so.
Comparison of everyday and Academic English

 But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if
 they didn‟t take on a 16 year-old for the job
 because they‟re not allowed to do so.


 However, no one could claim a bar was being
 ageist because they didn‟t employ a 16 year-old,
 since they are legally prohibited from doing so.

    • more use of impersonal structures
Comparison of everyday and Academic English

 But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if
 they didn‟t take on a 16 year-old for the job
 because they‟re not allowed to do so.


 However, no one could claim a bar was being
 ageist because they didn‟t employ a 16 year-old,
 since they are legally prohibited from doing so.

  • more exact, technical or formal vocabulary
Comparison of everyday and Academic English

 But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if
 they didn‟t take on a 16 year-old for the job
 because they‟re not allowed to do so.


 However, no one could claim a bar was being
 ageist because they didn‟t employ a 16 year-old,
 since they are legally prohibited from doing so.

  • more exact, technical or formal vocabulary
      Paragraph in everyday English style
Define ‘ageism’ giving an example to show what you mean?

„Ageism‟ means when someone is treated badly just because they‟re
young or old. What matters most isn‟t whether or not someone‟s treated
differently but whether it‟s got anything to do with what‟s going on at the
time. For instance, someone might not get a job or get promoted
because people think they‟re too young or too old. You‟d probably think
that a bar that wouldn‟t give a job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was
being a bit ageist and if that person was good enough in every way
except for the fact that they were getting on a bit, then you could call
them ageist and, if you ask me, they wouldn‟t really have a leg to stand
on. But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if they didn‟t take on
a 16 year-old for the job because they‟re not allowed to do so.
      These changes make the same paragraph in
      academic English more concise, more exact,
      more focused and more persuasive.
Define ‘ageism’ giving an example to show what you mean?

Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination towards someone on
account of their age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). The crucial aspect is
not discrimination in itself, but its unfairness. In other words, whether or
not age is a relevant consideration in the circumstances. Let us consider
the case of someone prevented from obtaining employment or promotion
because they are considered too young or too old. A bar which refused to
employ a 50 year old to serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that
person fulfilled the employment specifications in every other respect.
However, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they didn‟t
employ a 16 year-old, since they are legally prohibited from doing so.
Key features of academic English style
 • more exact, technical or formal vocabulary

     obtaining employment       may be defined as


 • more complex noun phrases

     the crucial aspect     the employment specifications


 • more use of impersonal structures

     might be considered    no one could claim
In order to write more academically, you‟ll need
a larger academic vocabulary – and to use the
same word as a noun, adjective, adverb etc.

How good is your academic English vocabulary?

You‟re going to see 20 sentences written in
academic English.

Each sentence has a missing word. You‟ve
been given the first three letters of the word.
What is the word?

Your target is to recognise 16 or more of the
words!
1) It‟s difficult to define the con_ _ _ _ of beauty.
                                concept
2) The internet gives you acc_ _ _ to information
                               access
and personal contacts from around the world.
3) Evolution explains how simple animals developed
into more com_ _ _ _ ones over a long period of time.
              complex
4) Come to the meeting if you feel you have anything
to con_ _ _ _ _ _ _ to the discussion.
    contribute
5) We are not really in competition with them, but there
are a few ove_ _ _ _ _ between our products.
              overlaps
6) She asked me to check the first dra_ _ of her
                                       draft
presentation.
7) The final cost of the project should not exc_ _ _
                                             exceed
$ 10 000.
8) It‟s impossible to eli_ _ _ _ _ _ crime completely,
                      eliminate
but this government aims to reduce it substantially.
                             detected
9) Financial experts have det_ _ _ _ _ some signs
that the economy may be improving.
10) No agreement has been reached but negotiations
          ongoing
are still ong_ _ _ _.
11) One reason that many goods are manufactured
                        labour
in China is the lower lab_ _ _ costs there.
12) We have to inf_ _ from his silence on the
                  infer
matter that he has nothing he wishes to say.
13) A recent sur_ _ _ found that more than 60 %
              survey
of workers were dissatisfied with their bosses.
                                          technical
14) We had to make several calls to the tec_ _ _ _ _ _
support line before anyone came to repair out computer.
15) We all ass_ _ _ _ _ _ in the meeting room
            assembled
to hear from takeover news.
16) The company publishes its ann_ _ _ accounts
                                annual
every September.
17) At the moment we don‟t ant_ _ _ _ _ _ _
                            anticipate
any problems with the new system.
                                           medium
18) The internet has become an important med_ _ _
of communication for companies.
                          crucial
19) Her work has been a cru_ _ _ _ part of the
company‟s success.
20) Unemployment will be one of the most
important issues _ in the next election.
           iss_ _
   How to develop your academic
   English vocabulary

Massey papers

    192.101 English for Academic Purposes
    192.102 Academic Writing

Massey word-of-the-day service and website

    tinyurl.com/2rlcoe
    tinyurl.com/6xy9hy
   Selected online resources

      Hong Kong University of Science and Technology:
http://uvt.ust.hk/about.html

      Hong Kong Polytechnic University:
http://elc.polyu.edu.hk/cill/eap/default.htm

      University of Hertfordshire:
http://www.uefap.com/vocab/vocfram.htm

      University of Manchester:
http://www.phrasebank.manchester.ac.uk
How to deal with new vocabulary
in your academic reading



 You need to be selective: There is far
 too much new vocabulary for you to
 learn.
Selected vocabulary from the first
chapter of one prescribed text
  Refrain from         In accord with          Jurisdiction
  Disseminate          Constraints             Prescribing
  Distinguish          Derived                 Vigilance
  Discriminate         Incidence               Flora and fauna
  Validity
  Arbitrary            Legal liability         Seizure
  Delegated            Adherents               Undergo
  Statutory            Unethically             Nomenclature
  Judicial precedent   Disclose                Underpin
  Compliance
  Conform              Fiduciary               Lay reader
  Canvassed            Presumption             Tyro
  Decriminalization    Adjudication            solecisms
                                         Hubbard, Thomas & Varnham, 2001
Only focus on vocabulary that’s relevant for
your future studies – for example, in this case:

   presumption
                      Important concepts for
    disseminate       this subject (business law)
    flora and fauna

    disclose

    validity
                       Important concepts for
    derived            all academic research,
   nomenclature        analysis, argument etc
   solecisms
   arbitrary
   adherents
 Choose a different strategy to deal with highly
 relevant and less relevant vocabulary

                  Look it up, file it in your system
  high            with an example sentence. Review it
                  at the end of the day and week

                  look it up to confirm and move on
  future
relevance

                   work out meaning and move on


                   ignore
  low
 Some practice in working out meaning
 and moving on

 Try to work out the meaning of the highlighted word
 in this sentence from a marketing text book

“adequate research of overseas markets is … one of
  several prerequisites for international marketing
  success”
        things that will make a profit
        things that must be done
        things that will surprise you
                               Quester, McGuiggan, Perreault, & McCarthy, 2004, p. 118
“it is easy for both consumers and marketing
   managers to be lulled by the promise of constantly
   increasing standards of living.
        made to feel worried
        made to feel embarrassed
        made to feel relaxed
                               Quester, McGuiggan, Perreault, & McCarthy, 2004, p. 118
“If you watch a Yoplait advertisement that shows other
   people enjoying a new yoghurt flavour, you might
   conclude that you would like it too. For services, such
   vicarious learning is essential, as consumers can
   rarely assess the benefit directly and have to rely on the
   experience of others…”
             enjoyable
             second-hand
             common
                                 Quester, McGuiggan, Perreault, & McCarthy, 2004, p. 199
Summary of Part 1

 • Key features of academic English

• Keep developing your basic academic
  vocabulary
 • Focus on learning relevant
   vocabulary: subject-specific and
   academic vocabulary
 • Work out meaning of new vocabulary
 • from context whenever possible
     Part 2
• Summarising
 sources
• Paragraph writing
• Selected grammar
 issues
Summarising Sources

• We’ll have a look at an example of a
  summary of a newspaper article

• Then we’ll look at the five-step process I
  followed in writing this summary

 • If you follow the same process, you’ll write
   effective, concise, relevant summaries
   without any risk of plagiarism
Summary of a newspaper report

A recent analysis of 50 000 applications for medical
schools and top universities in the UK showed that
5% of them had based their ‘personal statements’ on
ideas from websites. These included 800 applications
using the same story about burning their pajamas
when they were eight years old to explain why they
wanted to be doctors! (Degree candidates copy from web,
2005)
How do I summarise the source
text?
Step   1.   Find relevant text
Step   2.   Highlight key points
Step   3.   Transform into notes
Step   4:   Choose how to introduce the
            reference
Step 5. Expand notes into linked
        sentences
Step 1: Find a relevant text
Degree applicants 'copy from web'
Thousands of prospective university students are using the
internet to cheat in their applications, analysis by admissions
service UCAS reveals.
Checks on 50,000 personal statements found 5% had borrowed
material. Its study, by CFL Software Development, was done after the
15 October deadline for Oxbridge, medicine, dentistry and veterinary
science applications. Almost 800 drew on three example medicine
statements on a free website, including a story about burnt pyjamas.
The UCAS application form includes a personal statement for people to
detail their interests and say why they want to study their chosen
course. CFL, which makes detection software Copycatch, found:
    • 370 sentences contained a statement beginning: "a fascination
      for how the human body works..."
    • 234 contained a statement relating a dramatic incident involving
      "burning a hole in pyjamas at age eight"
    • 175 contained a statement which involved "an elderly or infirm
      grandfather". (text continues)
(from a BBC Online News article entitled “Degree candidates copy from web”, 2007)
Step 2: Highlight the key
        points
Degree applicants 'copy from web'
Thousands of prospective university students are using the
internet to cheat in their applications, analysis by admissions
service UCAS reveals.
Checks on 50,000 personal statements found 5% had borrowed
material. Its study, by CFL Software Development, was done after the
15 October deadline for Oxbridge, medicine, dentistry and veterinary
science applications. Almost 800 drew on three example medicine
statements on a free website, including a story about burnt pyjamas.
The UCAS application form includes a personal statement for people to
detail their interests and say why they want to study their chosen
course. CFL, which makes detection software Copycatch, found:
    • 370 sentences contained a statement beginning: "a fascination
      for how the human body works..."
    • 234 contained a statement relating a dramatic incident involving
      "burning a hole in pyjamas at age eight"
    • 175 contained a statement which involved "an elderly or infirm
      grandfather". (text continues)
(from a BBC Online News article entitled “Degree candidates copy from web”, 2007)
  Degree applicants 'copy from web'
  Thousands of prospective university students are using the internet to
  cheat in their applications, analysis by admissions service Ucas reveals.
  Checks on 50,000 personal statements found 5% had borrowed material.
  Its study, by CFL Software Development, was done after the 15 October
  deadline for Oxbridge, medicine, dentistry and veterinary science
  applications.
  Almost 800 drew on three example medicine statements on a free website,
  including a story about burnt pyjamas. The Ucas application form includes a
  personal statement for people to detail their interests and say why they want
  to study their chosen course.
  CFL, which makes detection software Copycatch, found:
       • 370 sentences contained a statement beginning: "a fascination for how the
          human body works..."
       • 234 contained a statement relating a dramatic incident involving
          "burning a hole in pyjamas at age eight"
       • 175 contained a statement which involved "an elderly or infirm
          grandfather".

(from a BBC Online News article entitled “Degree candidates copy from web”, 2007)
Step 3: Transform into notes
• 50 000 apps for top UK unis
• 5% borrowed mat from web for pers
  statements
• 234 used same story about burning
  pajamas – age 8 – to show why they
  wanted to go to med sch
Step 4: Choose how to introduce
 the reference

 • brackets (author, year)
 • According to + author (year)…
 • Author (year)+ verb …
Cognitive behavioural therapy is increasingly preferred
to more traditional medical interventions in such cases
(Dunbar & Holmes, 2003).


According to Dunbar and Holmes (2003),
cognitive behavioural therapy is increasingly
preferred …..

Dunbar and Holmes (2003) claim that cognitive
behavioural therapy is increasingly preferred …..
Author (year) + verb + that ....


      claim         argue

      explain       suggest

      point out     provide evidence
Step 5: Expand notes into
        linked sentences
Step 5: Write your own sentences which present the information
from your source to YOUR audience in the context of your essay

50,000 personal statements     A recent analysis of 50 000
                               applications for the most
Oxbridge, medicine,
dentistry and veterinary       competitive degree courses and
science applications           top universities in the UK
                               showed that 5% of them had
                               based their ‘personal statements’
5% had borrowed material
                               on ideas from websites. These
using the internet
                               included over 200 applications
234 contained a statement      using the same story about
relating a dramatic incident   burning their pajamas when they
involving "burning a hole in
                               were eight years old to explain
pyjamas at age eight"
                               why they wanted to be doctors!
                               (Degree candidates copy from web, 2005)
say why they want to
study their chosen course.
Step   1.   Find relevant text
Step   2.   Highlight key points
Step   3.   Transform into notes
Step   4:   Choose how to introduce the
            reference
Step 5. Expand notes into linked
        sentences
Following these steps will help you avoid
plagiarism AND make your writing clearer,
more relevant and more convincing to the
reader.
Degree applicants 'copy from web'
Thousands of prospective university students are using the
internet to cheat in their applications, analysis by admissions
service UCAS reveals.
Checks on 50,000 personal statements found 5% had borrowed
material. Its study, by CFL Software Development, was done after the
15 October deadline for Oxbridge, medicine, dentistry and veterinary
science applications. Almost 800 drew on three example medicine
statements on a free website, including a story about burnt pyjamas.
The UCAS application form includes a personal statement for people to
detail their interests and say why they want to study their chosen
course. CFL, which makes detection software Copycatch, found:
    • 370 sentences contained a statement beginning: "a fascination
      for how the human body works..."
    • 234 contained a statement relating a dramatic incident involving
      "burning a hole in pyjamas at age eight"
    • 175 contained a statement which involved "an elderly or infirm
      grandfather". (text continues)
(from a BBC Online News article entitled “Degree candidates copy from web”, 2007)
If you miss out stage 3 and try to construct your
paragraph directly from chunks of the original text, you
risk producing a patchy, unfocused text like that below
– with too much attention paid to making small changes
to the original source and not enough to constructing an
argument – ie making a point and then supporting it.

It has been revealed by admissions service UCAS that
thousands of university students cheat in their university
entrance by using the internet. They checked 50 000 personal
statements and found that material had been borrowed in 5%
of them. These included medicine, veterinary science,
dentistry and Oxbridge applications. When they had to say
why they wanted to study the course they had chosen 234
included something about a dramatic incident of burning a
hole in their pyjamas at the age of eight (Degree candidates
copy from the web, 2007).
Paragraph Structure

Sample Assignment Question


Discrimination in the workplace has two
victims: in the short term, those
discriminated against suffer; but in the longer
term, organisations themselves suffer from
their own discriminatory
practices. Discuss in relation to the New
Zealand business environment.
Sample Paragraph – first half

Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to
be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear
legal framework for identifying and dealing with both
practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined as
“unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith &
Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less
clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic,
since organisations may not recognise it as a problem.
One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that
there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into
account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a
bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16
year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not
unwarranted.
Sample Paragraph – second half
On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a
well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an
ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what
their customers and other staff expect. Such
discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand
(Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying
failure to respond to the changing demographics of our
society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative
impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the
coming decades in which older workers will be our
main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8).
Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal,
betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-
equipped for the challenges and opportunities that lie
ahead.
Features of a well-made paragraph

• Builds on what‟s been said already
• Focuses on the essay question
• Makes ONE clear basic point
• Supports this point with argument,
  references to research & examples
• Each sentence builds on earlier
  sentences
• Comes to a conclusion
Features of a well-made paragraph

1. Builds on what’s been said
already
Start your paragraph with a bridge




  First part
                            Second part
  summarises
                            introduces new
  previous
                            topic
  paragraph
Start your paragraph with a bridge




Although, as we have
seen, sexism and racism
continue to be prevalent
in New Zealand              This is not the case
organisations, there is a
clear legal framework       with ageism …
for identifying and
dealing with both
practices.
Features of a well-made paragraph


2. Focuses on the essay question
Essay Question

 General topic

 Discrimination in the workplace
 Claim which needs to be discussed
 Organisations suffer as well as
 individuals
  Context

 New Zealand business environment
Essay Question



General topic

Discrimination in the workplace
Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in
New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying
and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined
as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith &
Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked,
ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not
recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is
that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in
recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist
because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may
be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand, a bar which refused to
employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist
policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other
staff expect. Such discrimination appears to be common in New
Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to
respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce
Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen
over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool
(Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though
currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-
equipped for the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.
Essay Question

 Claim which needs to be discussed

 Organisations suffer as well as
 individuals
Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in
New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying
and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined
as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov,
2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is
potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as
a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are
frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For
instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to
employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted.
On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-
old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this
policy as what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination
appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which
indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of
our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on
organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older
workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8).
Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-
looking organisational culture, ill-equipped for the challenges and
opportunities that lie ahead.
Essay Question

 General topic

 Discrimination in the workplace
 Claim which needs to be discussed
 Organisations suffer as well as
 individuals
  Context

 New Zealand business environment
Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in
New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying
and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined
as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov,
2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is
potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as
a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are
frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For
instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to
employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted.
On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-
old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this
policy as what their customers and other staff expect. Such
discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand
(Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to
the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group,
2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the
coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool
(Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though
currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-
equipped for the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.
Features of a well-made paragraph


3. Makes ONE clear basic point
In an argument essay, each paragraph should
have a sentence which expresses an opinion on
the question in relation to the topic of the
paragraph.

This topic sentence should normally be short and
near the beginning.

Because its legal status is less clearly
marked, ageism is potentially even more
endemic, since organisations may not
recognise it as a problem.
Features of a well-made paragraph


4. Supports this point with argument,
references to research & examples
topic sentence
Because its legal status is less clearly marked,
ageism is potentially even more endemic, since
organisations may not recognise it as a problem.
argument and examples
One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is
that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take
age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one
could claim a bar was being ageist because they
refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it
may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other
hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified
46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist
policy, even if they justify this policy as what their
customers and other staff expect.
topic sentence
Because its legal status is less clearly marked,
ageism is potentially even more endemic, since
organisations may not recognise it as a problem.

references to research
Such discrimination appears to be common in New
Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an
underlying failure to respond to the changing
demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce
Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations
are likely to worsen over the coming decades in
which older workers will be our main talent pool
(Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8).
Features of a well-made paragraph


5. Each sentence builds on earlier
sentences
Your paragraph construction toolkit

   5.1 repetition and variation of key
   words


    Don‟t be vague – remind the reader
    what you‟re talking about in every
    sentence – don‟t rely too much on
    „it‟ – hoping they‟ll guess what was
    in your head when you wrote it!
Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent
in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for
identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with
ageism - defined as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age”
(Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly
marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations
may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of
recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age
into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was
being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old.
Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand,
a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve
drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as
what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination
appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which
indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing
demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its
negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming
decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics
New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though currently
legal, betray ……
Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent
in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for
identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with
ageism - defined as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age”
(Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly
marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations
may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of
recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age
into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was
being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old.
Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand,
a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve
drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as
what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination
appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which
indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing
demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its
negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming
decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics
New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though currently
legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-equipped …
Your paragraph construction toolkit

   5.2 When you do use it / its and
   they / their make sure it‟s clear
   what they refer to
Subject matches subject of previous
sentence and there are no „competing‟
nouns
Such discrimination appears to be common in New
Zealand …… Its negative impacts on organisations
are likely to worsen

Try not to use it more than once without
reminding the reader what it refers to.

Because its legal status is less clearly marked,
ageism is potentially even more endemic, since
organisations may not recognise it as a problem.
Your paragraph construction toolkit



    5.3 This ….


…. there is a clear legal framework ….This is
not the case with ageism ….
Your paragraph construction toolkit

   5.4 this / these or such + noun
   phrase summarising previous
   sentence(s)
    ….. organisations may not recognise it
   as a problem. One obvious reason for
   this lack of recognition is ….

   Such discrimination appears to be
   common ….
Your paragraph construction toolkit

    5.5 Linking words ….


Don‟t keep your argument a secret. Share
your logic with your reader. Use linking
words and phrases to tell the reader how
this next sentence relates to the one before.
Your paragraph construction toolkit

    5.5 Linking words ….


For instance, no one could claim a bar was
being ageist because they refused to employ
a 16 year-old.
Your paragraph construction toolkit

    5.5 Linking words ….


On the other hand, a bar which refused to
employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve
drinks clearly has an ageist policy
Your paragraph construction toolkit

    5.5 Linking words ….


Therefore, ageist policies, though currently
legal, betray a backward-looking
organisational culture ….
              5.5 Linking words

CHRONOLOGICAL     Similarity and    ORDER OF
    ORDER           Difference     IMPORTANCE

    first                           however
  secondly                         furthermore
                  on the other
   next                            as a result
                      hand
 meanwhile                           in fact
                   conversely
   later                               yet
                    similarly
   then                               also
                    likewise
 afterwards                        in addition
   finally
               5.5 Linking words

GIVE AN            GIVE AN
                                      ADD A
EXAMPLE         EFFECT/ RESULT
                                   CONCLUSION


for example                           in brief
                  therefore
for instance                          all in all
                     thus
                                      indeed
                 consequently
                                   in other words
                  as a result
                                      in short
                                     in the end
    Use linking words and expressions to guide your
    reader through the argument in each paragraph.


former / latter   There are two major approaches to blah, YYYY
                  and ZZZZZ. The former, devised by Smith
                  (1985) consists of AAAA, BBBB and CCCC......
                  The latter, the ZZZZZ model, was developed by
                  Hassan and Watanabe (1993), and …….


                  There are a number of drawbacks to this
 Firstly, ……
                  model. Firstly, ……… . Moreover, ……… .
                  Finally, and most significantly, …….
   Thus, though functionalists and Marxists both
   discern common features in education, they draw
   radically different conclusions. For functionalists,
   education is a means of resolving many of the
   divisions and tensions of modern society.
   Marxists perceive this conception of education as
   fundamentally flawed, since for them capitalist
   societies are inherently unfair to the majority of
   the population. Therefore, they seek to extend
   the scope of education, so that its main role is to
   enable people to reject, rather than passively
   accept those divisions.

See www.phrasebank.manchester.ac.uk and
www.academicenglishgenerator.com for more examples
and suggestions for expanding your range of expressions
Features of a well-made paragraph


6. Comes to a conclusion

  So, try to tie your concluding sentence
  to each paragraph back to the topic of
  the essay
Claim which needs to be discussed

 Organisations suffer as well as
 individuals


Therefore, ageist policies, though currently
legal, betray a backward-looking
organisational culture, ill-equipped for the
challenges and opportunities that lie
ahead.
Aim for 4 – 8 sentences – 120 – 200
words. If in doubt, consider breaking
lengthy paragraphs into two, each with
a single point!
Summary: A well-made paragraph

•   Builds on what’s been said already
•   Focuses on the essay question
•   Makes ONE clear basic point
•   Supports this point with argument, references
•   to research & examples
•   Each sentence builds on earlier sentences
•   Comes to a conclusion
Selected language
      issues
Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

• 10) Spelling and Punctuation

•   english
•   a students life
•   studing
•   reknowned
•   future carrier
•   people are quiet friendly
Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

9) Grammar of comparison

• the environment is more clean ..
• NZ is not that expensive than ...
• fees are quite cheaper than ..

8) Wrong tense or verb form

• My parents send me to New Zealand ...
• I choose to study in NZ ..
• I can doing
    Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009


7) Wrong words

•   New Zealand has very beautiful view should be
•   Beijing, where it has 10 m people
•   nations which are upcoming with ideas
•   a low number of crime

6) Wrong collocation

• Among the vital reasons
• the fees are cheaper
Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

5) Wrong or unnecessary preposition

• The reason of coming to New Zealand was for improve my
  English
• included at the top 200 universities
• I would like to discuss about why …
• contact to students from Europe
• important in these days
• both of environment and social background
• an interesting opportunity to me
• In my point of view ..
• I’ve been dreaming for it
Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

4) Wrong form of word (adjective instead of noun etc)

• New Zealand is inexpensive comparing to
• a political neutral place

3) missing „a‟ and „the‟

•   New Zealand is very safe country
•   an important step for future
•   environment is beautiful
•   NZ universities have good reputation
Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

2) agreement – especially where the noun doesn’t agree with
  verb

• statistics has shown …
• NZ universities offers

1) singular instead of plural

• parent are reassured that their child are ...
• one of the major reason is ..
• many beautiful place ..
Selected issues


 Lost sentences
 Subject-verb agreement
 Vague pronouns
 „the‟
            A Subject/Verb-Phrase.



    The Subject / Verb- Phrase must state a complete idea.


 Lackson and Enscore (1993) modified their plans.


       Subject                    Verb-Phrase



Problems with sentence structure normally arise from
  having too many elements. The reader has to „fish‟
  for the main clause!
Example „LOST‟ sentence
In the 1960s when little study was devoted to
facial expression, like most social scientists of
her day, Mead believed expression was
culturally determined, that we simply use our
face according to a set of learned social
conventions, a belief that grew from the
emphasis on motivation and cognition in
academic psychology that flourished at the
time.
“Re-packed” version

In the 1960s, little study was devoted to facial
expression.
Like most social scientists of her day, Mead believed
expression was culturally determined.
In other words, she believed we simply use our face
according to a set of learned social conventions.
This belief grew from the emphasis on motivation
and cognition in academic psychology that
flourished at the time.
 Take care when the subject is a noun
 phrase based on a singular noun

• The cost of residential houses has increased by
  40% in the last two years. This dramatic rise in
  prices has forced many young people into the
  rental market.


• In 1999 the two countries resumed diplomatic
  talks. This improvement in the relationship
  between the two countries has facilitated the re-
  opening of trade links.
  Avoid vague pronouns like „it‟

• When a solution to a problem causes
 another problem, it should be reanalysed.



Clearer version
• When a solution to a problem causes another
  problem, the entire problem-solution process
  should be reanalysed.
Aim to use „the‟ where necessary – it should form about
7% of everything you write or say in English


When you‟ve mentioned something previously:
   At the meeting a student spoke about problems in finding
   housing. The student emphasised…

When the word is qualified by specific information:

     Example 1: Qualified by a phrase:
    The books on the third shelf…

    Example 2: Qualified by another noun:
    The article commented on the New Zealand economy.

    Example 3: Qualified by a relative clause:
    The enquiry that began in 2001…
Thank you – and see you
  during the semester!




     Martin McMorrow
    ESOL Learning Advisor

				
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Description: This is a 3 hour presentation I'm giving to Massey University students who have English as a second / additional language. The first half of the presentation focuses on the differences between academic English and ordinary everyday English and useful strategies and resources. The second half focuses on academic writing with detailed examples of how to summarise source material and how to construct a strong paragraph in an academic essay.