Just how do you meet that Man?
You are single. For whatever reason, at this point in your life you don’t have a partner- but
you would like one. What is the best way to go about this?
My clients often come to me with relationship problems. One of the most common is “Just
where can I meet people?” I often wish, if it were not for issues of confidentiality, that I
could put them all in the same room so they could have a singles’ meeting!
I always tailor my suggestions to each individual client, but there are some suggestions that
can apply to almost everyone.
First, ask yourself what your social circle is like. Forget for the moment about meeting
eligible men. How often do you get out of the house on your own? Do you have interests
that put you in contact with other people? Do you mix with anyone apart from other mums?
Are your friends people you have known for years, or do you make new friends easily?
If you do not do much outside of the home or work, how about considering what you could
do? What do you enjoy? Sport? Learning something new? Helping others?
Anything you do that brings you into contact with other people can help build your social
circle. The man of your dreams might not be there- but his friend, or his sister, or his mother
might be! And all it takes is one conversation to get the ball rolling.
September is a great month for a new start - lots of classes and courses begin again. It is
common for people to be wary of trying something new. But ask yourself- what is the worst
that could happen? Spending two hours doing something you didn’t enjoy. Think back to all
the things you have done in your life- did you feel lacking in confidence then? But very
quickly you felt at home in the situation. Keep hold of that thought if you are feeling nervous
about trying something new.
Ask yourself another question: what type of woman is a man most likely to be attracted to -
one who has a busy, fulfilling life, with interests and friends, or one who is lonely and
desperate to find a man to make her feel better? Which do you want to be?
As well as expanding your social circle, what else can you do? Internet dating is increasingly
popular, but it can be a baptism of fire if you are unprepared. Many of my clients have tried
it, and all with some success. It is probably best to sign up to one or two sites for a while
and see what happens. Don’t be afraid to play the field- this really is a numbers game. Don’t
get into long email relationships - meet for a coffee somewhere public and see what you
think. You are trying to meet people- not to build up a database of pen-friends! I have
heard several men say that they got tired of women who wanted to keep them at arms’
length by emailing, but never actually meeting. Half a dozen emails should be enough before
you meet up. Don’t limit yourself too early on- one client met three men over a weekend-
none was her type, but she made one friend and it was all good experience!
It goes without saying that you should try to look your best- so if you need to lose a few
pounds, need a few more clothes, or are thinking about a new hair style, just do it!
Coaching is all about setting goals. Clients of mine commit to making changes - such as
signing up with a dating site, or enrolling for a class, within two weeks before they next see
me. Give yourself these kinds of targets. It is not good just thinking about what might work-
you have to do it!
Glynis Kozma owns Aspire Coaching and is a professional, qualified coach who writes for
Woman, Prima, Essentials, and speaks on local BBC radio.