M14 Food and Drink 14/10/08 Food & Drink NICHOLAS JULIAN WOOLF RESTAURANT: J BAKER’S BISTRO MODERNE ADDRESS: 7, FOSSGATE JEFF’S ‘GRAZING PLATE’ LUNCH/DINNER: £10/£35 REVIEW: JAMES MACDOUGALD %%%%% If, like me, you have suddenly comes at a price. If you’re plan- and unexpectedly become a ning an evening meal, expect to third-year undergraduate, pay no less than £35 a head for steeped to the balls in essay three courses, wine, tipping, etc. deadlines, thrashing about in The ‘Grazing Plate’ or mounting debt like a cormorant ‘Magnificent Seven’, as I have in an oil slick, and with one eye come to think of it, is a glorious permanently tracking the job pageant of seven courses: con- market, you may think you genial comrades, but each one recognise in the J. Baker’s web- rivalling the next for ingenuity THE RECIPE site that most familiar of friends: the embellished CV. Well, to and panache. Recently, the Grazing Plate Will Heaven understand is to forgive. But in has been better than ever. It any case, you’d be wrong. There begins with gunslinging wise- PERSIAN SPLIT PEA STEW is, admittedly, the occasional head Yul Brynner. This time he handful of dust – a purple para- was disguised as a carpaccio of SERVES 4-5 graph of gagging praise that may red mullet with sweet pepper 1 LARGE ONION not entirely represent the opin- accompaniment. He was succu- ions of the review it was lifted lent. Food of such genuine good 1 GARLIC CLOVE from… possibly... but unlikely. quality could never fairly be 1 AUBERGINE This is a dazzling CV. Jeff accused of affectation, but the Our Web Deputy used to work here; nevertheless, the food is great! 200G OF YELLOW SPLIT PEAS Baker was the first Leeds chef menu does, at times, go wildly menus. This came with a dollop cheeses – including a morsel of TURMERIC ever to hold a Michelin star. In astray over names and descrip- of anchovy paté riding some sort ‘Welsh smoked’. CINNAMON 2005 he was named Yorkshire tions – a tendency that was of savoury, upmarket Dorito. A I can think of few better 4 CHICKEN BREASTS OR LAMB Chef of the Year, and both Jeff exemplified by the course that perfect, tender quail dish fol- ways to spend £35, but if you’re and his first solo project, J. followed: pumpkin ‘study’. This lowed and, afterwards, a well- concerned about costs, consider So its President isn’t exactly kosher. And yes, Baker’s, score highly in UK gas- proved to be an aerated soup and judged beef noisette with seared the £10 lunch menu. J. Baker’s buried in the Zagros mountains there is tro-polls. A cursory glance at the was delicious. Nevertheless, the chicken liver and runny duck egg offers good food with personality probably a warhead warehouse nearing website will confirm all of the mind shrinks in terror from yolk sealed in a light filo parcel. and pride – a rare combination; completion. But Iran does some things well: above, along with a veritable tro- being imminently presented with My only complaint about the rarer still is the presentation of like Khoresht-e-Gheimeh. No matter how phy cabinet of favourable ratings ‘game bird sinfonia’, ‘prelude in dessert – summer fruit buried in simple ingredients with artistry hard you try, you will never be able to pro- and positive local press reviews. endive’ or maybe ‘nocturne in sorbet and lemon mousse – was and humility, often heralded by nounce that word, even if you buy a teach Unfortunately, there’s no muted sloe’. that it was more than just a tast- titles as unassuming as ‘sausage yourself Farsi CD. So give up now, stop try- such thing as a free lunch. Quickly succeeding the ing portion. But that’s scarcely a and beans’. N.B. Jeff may be ing to be raffishly ethnic, and call it Persian Quality – whether it’s a perfectly ‘study’ was a wispy cloud of pol- complaint. The meal wound Michelin-rated, but he has feel- split pea stew. fried foie du canard or a lightly lock – an increasingly popular down with a stimulating epi- ings. Leftovers, I am told, are not For this dish, you need to plan ahead. steamed university education – stand-in for cod on chip-shop logue of local and European received well in the kitchen. Split peas may cook faster than unsplit peas, but they are still hard, crunchy and dry. So before you cook them, leave them in warm BAR: THE REFECTORY BAR: GUY FAWKES INN water for three hours to soften. ADDRESS: KING’S MANOR ADDRESS: 25, HIGH PETERGATE Once that three hours is over – and let’s AVERAGE SCONE PRICE: 60 PENCE AVERAGE PINT PRICE: £3.00 face it, you’ve just watched Friends, then REVIEW: HANNAH SMITH REVIEW: JAMES ‘HUNTER’THOMPSON %%%$$ %%%$$ Scrubs, then Friends again on E4 + 1 – the real cooking begins. Fry the onion over a moderate heat until it turns golden brown L (like an Autumn leaf ), then add the garlic. This one is too cute not to There are several licensed estab- Garlic, Goodfellas tells us, is best chopped mention, and for those without lishments in York that try to lure up extra thin using a razor blade – so do it. the tedious daily trek to King’s punters in by claiming an associ- Then add the meat. If you are Persian you’ll Manor for all your learning ation with a certain famed his- go for lamb, but chicken’s fine too. needs, a novelty that you won’t torical terrorist who was born in Season this with cinnamon, turmeric associate with dashing between this city. The Guy Fawkes Inn and (freshly ground) salt and pepper. Stir lectures. goes farther than most and and turn the heat up a bit. When the meat is The café at King’s Manor is claims to be on the location of his sealed, add the chopped tomatoes (not “with our little cafeteria haven - but it actual birthplace. Whether it is added herbs”), the drained split peas and the is open to the public and the or not, I don’t particularly care. tomato puree. Mix in two cupfuls of water keen-bean tourist so it doesn’t I arrived at the inn on a and let it simmer with the lid on. reek of student hangovers and Sunday afternoon, having con- While this happens, for a few minutes grumbly-bumbly freshers. It sumed nothing but a cup of cof- soften the chunks of lightly salted aubergine opens at around 9:30 in the fee since the night before. in a pan. When they are a bit mulchy and morning, and the staff should get Naturally I was looking forward brown put them in the stew. It will need to The Loveliest Women in the to a roast, but much to my dis- cook for another half an hour with the lid on. World trophies - you may actual- may they had stopped serving Keep stirring and add boiled water if you ly mistake them for your ‘aunty’ - food. I resolved to have a quiet think it needs it. not the real aunt - your mum’s pint of Staropramen and then Rice. If you can master this, then best friend. But they probably So that’s our cheeky little bonus leave to search for food, but one “I thought Ye Olde Starre President Ahmadinejad salutes you. Add won’t hug you. rates off everything - sandwich- of my companions embarrassed Inne was supposed to be your basmati – not really Iranian, but it’ll do - to Your Earl Grey will be faith- es, soups, salads, and even the himself hideously by failing to local!” I exclaimed. “Wait a boiling water. After five minutes take the fully delivered with a beaming casual Danish pastry. Similar to recognise the barmaid-postgrad minute, weren’t you hung, drawn half-cooked rice and drain it. Now, put it radiance that defies the fact they the dining Meccas of Wentworth who had taught him in first year, and quartered?” “Oh no,” he back on an extremely low heat with the lid have been serving horrid snotty and Vanbrugh, hot food is pretty and we were compelled to flee to replied, “I jumped from the gal- on to steam it until it’s well fluffy. Now, serve little student gremlins for at least standard old school food-from- the courtyard to finish our lows and broke my neck before it up with a smile to Barack Obama and the whole time I’ve been at York. hot-plate-served-on-a-tray-self- drinks. In the cool air we dis- they could draw and quarter watch him squirm. Scones are hot, and the cheapest service-manual-labour. So sans cussed whether anyone would me!” “Ah,” I said, hurriedly drain- in town at £1.20: we still get our the lazy table service like a regu- ever open a bar at the birthplace ing my pint and fleeing to some- Recipe provided by Lida Mirzaii. Send funny student prices as it’s still part of lar café, but hey! You’ll want to of one of the 9/11 hijackers. Guy where with more food and fewer recipes to firstname.lastname@example.org the University. All say HUZZAH. help these wonderful ladies out. Fawkes sat down next to us. dead revolutionaries.
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