Guilt_ Shame _ Regret

							                         Guilt, Shame & Regret

                       By Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT
                  Director, CounselingWorks & GriefWorks

   Self evaluation and reflection on our past are healthy because we can learn
   from our life experiences and mistakes. It is healthy to ask:

             Could I have done better?
             Could I have made better choices?
             Would things be better if I had only done things differently?

   The results of reviewing and evaluating past decisions and behavior can bring
   us feelings of guilt, regret and shame for what we did or did not do. These
   feelings can be the result of bad choices and/or sinful behavior, but not
   always.

   Sometimes the feelings we experience are false guilt, false shame or
   unnecessary regrets. These “false” feelings can be the result of faulty
   thinking and the unreasonable expectations that we and other people place
   upon us.

   Dwelling on past behavior and the resulting emotions of guilt, shame and
   regret keeps many people from living and enjoying abundant lives now.

         Guilt is the emotion or belief that one has done something wrong. Guilt
          can be either real or imagined (false guilt). False guilt is the result of a
          perceived wrong that is not founded in reality.
         Shame is the feeling or awareness of dishonor, disgrace, or
          condemnation. Genuine shame is associated with genuine dishonor,
          disgrace, or condemnation. False shame is associated with imagined
          dishonor, disgrace or condemnation by our expectations or the
          perceived expectations of others.
         Regret is an intelligent and/or emotional dislike for personal past acts
          and behaviors. Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness,
          shame or guilt after committing an action or actions that the person
          later wishes that he/she had not done. Regret also describes a dislike
          for action not taken or avoided.

A MYTH ABOUT GUILT:
When you experience guilt, regret or shame, there is always some sin or offense
against others that you have committed. This myth is often used by others into
guilting or shaming us into doing what they want. That’s commonly referred to as
placing a “guilt trip” on a person.
How you deal with guilt, shame or regret depends upon:
    The source or cause of the feeling (Who/what is causing the guilt?)
    The validity of the feeling (Is the feeling based in truth or imagined?)
As Christians, all of us sin or commit offenses against others, and we can
experience either Godly sorrow or worldly sorrow:

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no
regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”(2 Corinthians 7:10)

WHAT IS WORLDLY SORROW?
We can simply regret what we have done, and then move on—many times doing
the same wrongs against God and others. That's worldly sorrow.

In worldly sorrow, the focus is on self, regretting being caught and the
consequences rather than feeling guilt and shame for committing a sin against
God and others.

 WHAT IS GODLY SORROW?
Godly sorrow is when we know that we have offended God, bring our
confessions to Him and others and repent (turn completely away from the
offending behavior).

In Godly sorrow the focus is on the wrong we have committed against God and
others.

Whether your guilt, shame and regret are real or false, dwelling on
past mistakes or omissions can rob your life of the abundant joy that
could be yours, your family’s and your friends’. When worries about
the past become overwhelming, it is time to seek help from others. If
you would like to talk with a Christian counselor about the guilt,
shame and regret in your life, call for an appointment at
CounselingWorks 972-960-9981 or email your contact information to
kstephens@christian-works.org .

“I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own (yet);
but one thing I do (it is my one aspiration); forgetting what lies behind and
straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the
(supreme and heavenly) prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us
upward. (Philippians 3:13 from the Amplified Bible)