THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS, INC.
A self-help organization offering friendship and understanding to bereaved families who have experienced the death of a child
BRANDYWINE HUNDRED CHAPTER NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS
Kevin Dolan, chapter leader P.O. Box 3696
P.O. Box 114 Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
Rockland, DE 19732-0114 877/969-0010 (toll free)
302/376-0300 e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Editors: Othell & Bill Heaney E-mail: othellTCF@verizon.net November 2008
W ell, I guess there's no more
putting it off--Thanksgiving is
coming, whether we want it or not.
I'm thankful this Thanksgiving
I'm sure you're beginning to hear That my grief is not so new.
plans being made around the office, Last year it was so painful to
or wherever, about who's going Think of losing you.
where, cooking what, bringing what,
what was done last year and on and Death can't claim my love for you
on and on…. Tho we are far apart,
Sweet memories will always be
Well, alright, already--just do it! Engraved upon my heart.
Do they have to talk about it so Time can never bring you back
much? That's pretty much how I felt But it can help me be
the first and second year, but I'm be- Thankful for the years of joy
ginning to feel good about the holi- You brought our family.
To all the parents with grief so new
For all the newly bereaved, believe I share your loss and sorrow
me, it does get easier to handle. I pray you find with faith and time
The blessings of each Tomorrow.
S o I sit here thinking about all of
us and how we're all going to
handle it, each a little differently, I'm
Charlotte Irick TCF,
Idaho Falls, ID
I pray that all of you find the love in
your heart and peace of mind, if only
for a moment, to be thankful for the
children we so dearly miss, but were
fortunate enough to have had touch
our lives--if only for a moment.
Love and Peace
Julie Parr, TCF, Cincinnati
LOVE GIFTS November Newsletter is sponsored by
Jill & Dean Decker
This month we thank the following for their In memory of
continued support of our local chapter
Billy & Peggy Channell
in memory of their son Walter
Dave & Meg Kinsler
in memory of their son David
in memory of his son Robert, Jr.
Nicholas & Pat Kowal
in memory of their son Chuck
in memory of her granddaughter
Maya Buseman Williams
If you would like to send a donation please send it to:
PO Box 114
Rockland, DE 19732
make check payable to
The Compassionate Friends.
A love gift is a living memorial to our child,
usually given on anniversaries, holidays, etc.
Since there is no charge Joe Decker
for newsletters, meetings, etc.,
We depend solely on donations, September 18, 1972
which are tax deductible. November 26, 1999
Did You Know? Miss You
Mom, Dad, Jenn and Bob
You can make a donation to our chapter
through your United Way Donation.
We are a “write-in agency”
please write on the pledge card Newsletter Sponsorship Criteria:
The Compassionate Friends, Inc. (TCF)
Code number 9016 $100 Donation to BHCTCF Newsletter.
PO Box 114
Rockland, DE 19732-0114
Email a jpeg photo of your child
or send a photo.
Include a short note to go with the photo.
The pain of grief
is just as much a part of life Please submit by the 1st of the month
as the joy of love; preceding the newsletter (i.e. May 1st
for the June Newsletter).
It is perhaps
the price we pay for love. E-mail:
Colin Murray Parkes othellTCF@verizon.net
Nov. 11 Guest Speaker, Shelley Dolan
7:00 pm How to Survive the Holidays
7:00 pm General Sharing
December 14th 2008
Thank You Phyllis Gilbert
for presenting 7 PM
First Two Years of Bereavement Silverside Church
Bring Family & Friends
Followed by Refreshments
Meetings start at 7:00 p.m. Mark Your Calendars
on the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of the month
Brandywine Valley Baptist Church
7 Mt. Lebanon Road
From I 95 go north on US 202 (Concord Pike)
Turn left onto Mt. Lebanon Rd.
Church is on right side of road next to the YMCA.
Parking lot and entrance in the back of the church.
TCF CHAT ROOMS
TCF chat rooms are nonjudgmental, safe places to share
your feelings and grief and tell what helped you.
TCF chat rooms are moderated, and scheduled
at specified times with listed subject matter. Delaware Chapter Contacts
For a complete list of chat times and instructions on how to
participate, visit the TCF National website at
www.thecompassionatefriends.org Brandywine Hundred Chapter
and click on “Chats” on the left side of the Home page Wilmington
Othell & Bill Heaney Lewes
(Sudden Death & Suicide Hope Tyler
Need someone to talk with? (Suicide) Bay Breeze Chapter
Having a bad day? (610) 497-3447 Dover
Give us a call. Liz Meadowcroft
We also suffered Mary Welch 302/284-7590
the loss of a child. (Long Term Illness)
So we know you are in pain. (302)475-7050
We care about you
and want to help
ELLEN ABRAMSON 11/03/1961
STACY LYNN BISHOP 11/24/1966
WILLIAM BUNDESEN 11/02/1964 ANNIVERSARIES
TINA FOUNDS 11/24/1969
CHRISTOPHER ABLEMAN 11/09/2003
EDWARD GIBSON 11/18/1985
PAUL BARON 11/16/1995
SARAH ALEXANDRA HARRISON 11/04/2004
BRIAN DAHN 11/02/1994
VINCENT HOLMES 11/04/1983
JOE DECKER 11/26/1999
JOHN MICHAEL JACOBER 11/27/1981
KAREN JEAN ESHLEMAN 11/04/2006
DAVID KINSLER. JR 11/18/1973
BRIAN HAMBLETON 11/29/1992
JACKI KWASIZUR-HILL 11/19/1972
ROGER HEANEY 11/22/1984
PHILIP LONDON 11/06/1948
LORI JENNINGS 11/08/1998
KELLY MARSTON 11/12/1977
AARON MICHAEL KILMER 11/15/2007
RICHARD MIRABILE, JR 11/16/1972
MICHAEL MITCHELL 11/29/1957 ROBERT KLOTZ 11/08/1990
EHRICH PATTERSON 11/17/1979 CHUCK KOWAL 11/06/1990
JAMES MICHAEL POHLEN 11/26/1965 MORGAN MACDOWELL 11/28/2003
DANIEL JOSEPH RICHARDS 11/21/1980 LYNN MIRABILE 11/21/2004
SUSAN SMITH 11/09/1971 ANTHONY PACELLI 11/20/1997
MIKE TYLER 11/15/1962 RAYMOND "DAVID" SHUPE 11/09/2003
DAWN WALDEN 11/09/1971 CHRIS WALLACE 11/13/1997
Pennies from Heaven
I found a penny today So don't pass by that penny
Just laying on the ground, When you're feeling blue,
But it's not just a penny It may be a penny from Heaven
This little coin I’ve found. That an Angel's tossed to you.
Found pennies come from Heaven “In God We Trust” is not a phrase
That's what I’ve been told, Just printed on a penny,
By Angels watching over us It’s something to remember
From their clouds of gold. When your troubles seem like many.
When an Angel thinks of you So when you’re down and it seems
They toss a penny down, Your life has a blue tint,
Sometimes just to cheer you up That penny on a sidewalk
To make a smile out of your frown. May be truly Heaven “cent”.
As many of us go about preparing our Thanksgiving din-
ners, don't we wish we had a
"Recipe for Recovery"?
HELLO FROM HEAVEN
by Bill & Judy Guggenheim "Just add a cup of boiling water, stir well and drink, "
Amazon from < $ 6.00 (used) to $7.99 (hardback new)
and our grieving would be over.
An After-Death Communication (ADC) experience occurs when Our society seems to crave "instant answers,"
a person is contacted directly and spontaneously by a deceased but bereavement is a long, slow process,
family member or friend, without the use of psychics, mediums, and there are no easy solutions
or devices. Yet, I couldn't help imagining what I would put in my own
“RECIPE FOR RECOVERY"
Hello From Heaven contains 353 firsthand accounts of ADCs.
Each is presented as a short story, approximately one page each. Start with one cup of the M ILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS
2,000 people, from all 50 states and the ten Canadian provinces, all those dear friends who did not turn away from me when
were interviewed They ranged from an eight year old boy to a 92 they heard of Steve's suicide, but helped in many practical,
year old widower.
caring ways to make the first months easier.
The Compassionate Friends invited the authors to present two
workshops at their 1989 National Conference in Tampa. A fea- Add several GOOD EGGS-helping professionals like my
ture writer for the St. Petersburg Times attended those work- minister, the counselor who suggested TCF and the young
shops and wrote a very informative article about them. As a re- funeral director couple who organized the TCF chapter I
sult, ADCs gained favorable recognition and credibility in the attended in northern New York
eyes of the public and the media in that local area.
Throw in a few heaping tablespoons of READING MATERI-
Skeptical? No matter what your point of view, these accounts are ALS Books and Pamphlets from TCF Library that started
interesting to read You don't have to believe in ADCs, but keep my thoughts going in a positive direction.
an open mind The possibilities are fascinating and the ground-
breaking research is continuing.
Add The SALT OF THE EARTH wonderful new friends I
reviewed by Meg Kinsler met through TCF and other support groups. Maybe we
should call them THE C REAM OF THE CROP, because
eventually they rise to the top!
Sprinkle liberaIIy with TEARS - because it's okay to cry-
and generously with LAUGHTER because we can learn to
hen we honestly ask our-
smile again. Bake in a warm oven of TENDER LOVING
selves which person in
CARE. Be sure to make enough to share with others--and
our lives means the most
to us, we often find that it
freeze some for later.
is those who, instead of giving much
advice, solutions, or cures, have cho- THAT'S MY RECIPE - WHAT'S YOURS?
sen rather to share our pain and touch Cynthia Kelley , TCF , Cincinnati, OH
our wounds with a gentle and tender
The friend who can be silent with us in
a moment of despair or confusion, who
can stay with us in an hour of grief or
bereavement, who can tolerate not
knowing, not curing, not healing and
face with us the reality of our power-
lessness, that is a friend who cares.
By Father Henri Nouwen,
from Out of Solitude.
Let us give thanks.
I can not hold your hand today, I know you helped my mind to live
I can not see your smile. beyond your time with me.
I can not hear your voices now, You gave me clearer eyes to see,
my children, who are gone. you gave me finer ears to hear,
what living means, what dying means,
my children, who are gone.
So here it is Thanksgiving Day,
and you are not with me.
And while I weep a mother's tears,
I thank you for the gifts you were,
and all the gifts you gave to me,
my children, who are gone.
But I recall your faces still, By Sascha who experienced the death of all three
the songs, the talks, the sighs of her children, From Wintersun
And story times, and winter walks,
and sharing secret things.
d. You have lost the joy of getting
The loss of an only child is neither a. The first day of school
up early on a Saturday morning
greater nor less than the loss of one b. Sports for kids soccer, basketball, or
of many children. However, the loss of c. Learning to drive bowling.
an only child is experienced differ- d. A first crush, a first date, a first e. You have lost the reason to hope
ently. It is different because you lose heartbreak for a December snow.
your parenthood, which is such a e. High school f. You have lost the person who
large part of the life of any parent. f. College thought you made the best co-
g. Career coa on a cool December eve-
I. With the death of an only child, you h. Marriage
lose the one person who could use i. Children, grandchildren, great ning.
all of the love you had to give g. For me, I lost a gentle, kind, gen-
grandchildren erous child who loved, watched
every hour of every day.
Your only child lost all of this from his for, and shared beautiful sun-
a. One of the secrets of parenthood is or her future. And so did you. sets.
that from birth, children teach us
that we have a greater capacity for 3. With the death of an only child, The loss of an only child is a devastat-
unselfish love than we thought you suffer many tiny losses that ing loss. Your child has lost his or her
possible. cause pain only another griev- life. And you have lost an important
ing parent can comprehend. piece of your own life, your parent-
b. When your only child dies, you may a. You have lost the joy of checking hood. The Compassionate Friends
feel that you are drowning in the the cereal aisle to see if Cocoa chapter near you is there to help you
parental love your heart continues Puffs are on sale. acknowledge and grieve these losses
to generate for the child you have b. You have lost the reason to by sharing your pain with others who
lost. keep up with the top ten hits have known their own pain.
on the pop music charts.
2. With the death of an only child, you by Bill Snapp, Atlanta (Tucker) TCF
c. You have lost the joy of caring
lose so much of your own future in memory of his son
that was tied to your child's future. what prize is in a box of Cracker Billv Snapp 6/23/&1 - 2/25/96
Would You Like Us To Publish a Holiday Note to your Child?
If so, write a 1 or 2 line message and send it to
for inclusion in the December newsletter.
Here is a sample format:
Child’s First & Last Name
Message; e.g. “We miss you always but especially at this Christmas season.”
Love, Mom & Dad
Please submit your brief note by November 10th.
FOR THAT, I AM THANKFUL
It doesn't seem to get any better The guests still come,
but it doesn't get any worse either. The dishes pile up
For that, I am thankful. but the dishwasher works.
There are no more pictures to be taken For that, I am thankful.
but there are memories to be cherished. The name is still missing,
. For that, I am thankful. The words still unspoken
There is a missing chair at the table but the silence is shared.
but the circle of family gathers close, For that, I am thankful.
For that, I am thankful. The snow still falls,
The turkey is smaller The sled still waits,
but there is still stuffing. and the spirit still wants to
For that, I am thankful. For that, I am thankful.
The days are shorter The stillness remains
but the nights are softer. but the sadness is smaller.
For that, I am thankful. For that, I am thankful.
The Pain is still there The moment is gone
but it lasts only moments. but the love is forever.
For that, I am thankful. For that, I am blessed,
The calendar still turns, For that, I am grateful.
The holidays still appear Love was once (and still is)
And they still cost too much a part of my being
but I am still here. For that, I am living.
For that, I am thankful. I am LIVING
The room is still empty, And for that, I am thankful.
The soul still aches
but the heart remembers. May your holidays be filled with reasons to be thankful
For that, I am thankful. Darcie D. Sims, Wenatchee, WA
The Compassionate Friends, Inc.
Brandywine Hundred Chapter
P.O. Box 114
Rockland, DE 19732-0114
The Sibling Corner
PLEASE DON'T OVERLOOK ME
I know my smile is smaller, my hands are I know my needs seem less important my
littler, my legs are short, But my HEART feelings seem less controlled my actions are
can hurt just like yours. hard to understand, But my BODY needs a
hug, just like yours does. I’m YOUNGER.
I'm a CHlLD, You're an adult Please don't You’re older. Please don't overlook me!
I know tears are hard to show, fears are diffi-
I know my vocabulary isn't the greatest, my cult to face, death means not coming back,
attention span lacks longevity But my SOUL searches for reassurance just
my logic sometimes seems irrational. like yours. does.
But my MIND can question death just like
yours can. I'm HURTING And you're hurting, too.
Please don't overlook me!
I'm a TEENAGER You're an adult Please
don't over-look me! Bonnie Bright, Salt Lake City,
Utah Bereavement Magazine