Best of the Magazine

Best of the Magazine 2006 A selection from bbc.co.uk/magazine www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 1 Best of the Magazine 2006 Contents ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Park and write The tales of a homeless blogger 3 ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... The history of life How long is a sentence? 4 ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................5 After a fashion Veils in history ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Gym power What if we all pedalled really hard? 6 ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Bonfire of the brands Just do it 7 ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... From the people who brought you Milton Keynes ... Najaf 8 ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................9 The economics of ice cream Useless gadgets ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... How did Nicole Kidman remarry in a Catholic church? How indeed 9 ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Don’t you know who I am? Remember Eugene? 10 ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Who are you calling fat? The heavy-boned speak out 11 ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... How to drive a tank If you really need to 12 ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................ Silent Witness Is Blair/Brown the talk of the town? 12 ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................ Why is Menzies pronounced Mingis? The Yogh hurts 13 ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... The politics of being 40 Think middle-aged dad 14 ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Heard the one about... Urban myths in high places 15 ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... All you need is ubuntu And Bill should know 15 ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... What happens to water from leaking pipes? – You pay for it 16 ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................ The time of your life Putting baby in the corner 16 ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................ The Devil’s music Black Sabbath, Wagner... the Simpsons? 17 .......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... The last gasp of cool Itʼs OK. ELOʼs all right. 19 .......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Audrey Hepburn: Why the fuss? Une very stylish fille 20 .......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Aye to the telescope Looking dishy 21 .......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... If cod is so scarce, why can I still buy it? Strip mining 22 .....................................................................................................................................................................................................................23 Splink! Bless you An aide memoire to remember .......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... We love you [insert country here] Brands backing all sides 24 .......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Is the new Superman meant to be Jesus? Worldʼs greatest superhero 25 Welcome to the second annual Best of the Magazine. Each of the articles here was originally published during the past 12 months on bbc.co.uk/magazine - and many of them here include some of the usersʼ comments normally added at the end of each piece. Please let us know what you think of this download - instructions for getting in touch are on the final page. www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 2 Best of the Magazine 2006 Park and write A homeless woman in London has been living in a car since last summer. But by writing a blog she has put herself in touch with an international audience. Alone and without anywhere to turn, she got into her car and started driving. “It was frightening. The only way I could survive was not to think about it, to become detached, because if I thought about it, I just couldnʼt do it.” My body is deformed from all this cold and fear. Woke with stiff, painful joints, and every muscle, in every part of me, feels like flint. Today, all I want to do is lay down on a flat surface. A hard, flat, warm surface “ “ Itʼs a tale of our time - about being cut off from everything around you but still connected to people thousands of miles away. A woman becomes homeless, so she gets into her car and drives. Except she has nowhere to go - so she stays in the car, with all her possessions heaped in the back, sleeping in the front seats, parking in secluded streets. For eight months, no one notices her, because she makes sure she looks respectable, taking showers and even ironing her clothes in public places like hospitals. She has made herself invisible, out of touch from anyone she used to know - and keeping separate from other homeless people. But this is the information age. And even though she doesnʼt speak to anyone, she can go into a library where she can access the internet and write an online journal - a homelessness blog - which she uses to describe all her unspoken experiences and feelings. So even though she has no one to talk to in London, using the identity of Wandering Scribe, sheʼs exchanging e-mails with people in the United States - and the New York Times interviews her for its own story on homeless people living in cars. Thereʼs even talk of a documentary about her. This blog is where I come to be honest about my homelessness, not dishonest about it. I spend the rest of the day ʻoutsideʼ in the ʻrealʼ world being dishonest “In denial” about being homeless, she kept away from other homeless people and deliberately concealed how she was living. “I was ashamed of letting go of the reins of my life, and having nothing to back it up, without having any support network. What kind of person are you if you donʼt have friends? But it happens.” Her life has since become a surreptitious daily round of using public places for washing, keeping clean and staying warm, using her benefits to pay for petrol and food - and spending her nights in a sleeping bag, trying to keep warm in a car. She says that itʼs “exhausting, Iʼm at the end of my tether”, worn down by a lack of sleep, fears about being thrown out of her regular haunts. But in parallel with this grim experience, there is a separate writing life in the blog, revealing her inner-life, giving her a voice as Wandering Scribe - a process which has allowed her to reach out from her parked car to a global audience. WHY PEOPLE BECOME HOMELESS Family/friends unable/unwilling to house them: 38% Relationship breakdown: 20% End of tenancy, mortgage/rent arrears: 23% Other, including mental health problems: 19% Source: ODPM, March 2006 ” How did this happen? How does an articulate, educated woman in her early 30s end up living in a car? Describing herself as feeling “ashamed” to be caught in this “bizarre life”, the author of this Wandering Scribe blog wants to remain anonymous. But she explains how, last August, she began living in a car. As with most cases, there wasnʼt a single trigger for her homelessness, but a series of practical and emotional problems that built into a crisis. Having already lost her job and with money problems, she was struggling to pay the rent. A previous relationship had ended - and last summer she says she went through what she now recognises as a psychological breakdown. “Psychological problems can happen to anyone. If youʼre lucky youʼve got your friends and family to support you - but I had a problem and had no one to support me,” she says. ” Itʼs often powerfully written, giving a human face to anonymous suffering, talking about her childhood, her sense of rejection and her struggle to regain her confidence and self-respect. There is also a close-up view of the daily struggle of homelessness - the fears of sleeping in her car, her small victories in keeping warm, how she cleans her hair in hospital showers and gets discount food in staff canteens. This blog has produced its own regular readership - people who e-mail when its author doesnʼt post the next instalment. And she says it has become an attempt to “keep me sane, and in a way to start to reach out”. The blogʼs anonymity is also part of this modern tale. As with any such online journal, thereʼs an ambiguity about its origin. One canʼt see the author, or even know her real name. There have been e-mails questioning whether itʼs a media “project”, rather than a genuine account of homelessness - a charge she wearily rejects. In her blog this weekend, she wrote: “Some people see you struggling and want your complete downfall, living in my car is not bad enough, they want me on the streets completely, in every sense. I feel that.” Her main aim now is to begin making the return journey to a settled life, she says, as she begins looking for a job - a process made more difficult by a lack of a permanent address. www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 3 Best of the Magazine 2006 If the stereotype of homelessness is of unkempt boozers sleeping rough, Wandering Scribe doesnʼt fit any of these expectations. Meeting her in person, she is dressed respectably; is intelligent, observant, engaging company. She could be the person sitting next to you in the cafe. Which makes it even stranger that sheʼs going back each night to a nylon sleeping bag in a battered old Rover. But she certainly isnʼt alone - she says she has had e-mails from other people living in cars - and in anonymous cities itʼs all too easy for detached people who have problems in their lives to stumble and fall out of sight. The scale of the problem of such “hidden homelessness” remains uncertain, but homeless charity Crisis estimates that there could be 380,000 such people across the country. “A very common factor is family breakdown - and a lack of social networks - where there is no one able to support people,” says spokesperson Lucy Maggs. “A huge part of homelessness is about isolation - which becomes very destructive in itself.” Such disconnected individuals, who are often “not in a frame of mind to help themselves” are unable or unwilling to contact any support agencies and remain off the radar for homelessness statistics. Wandering Scribe has her own ambitions: “Hopefully Iʼll be out of here soon, somewhere with my own room where I can shut the door on the world ... with curtains I can draw.” • Sean Coughlan, 24 April After a relationship break-up I also lived in my car and found it to be extremely difficult both mentally and physically. It’s the isolation which is most stressful along with the long dark nights. I had friends but they had their own lives and ultimately went home to their houses and families at night. A S, Torbay I lived out of my car for about 4.5 months while working a seven days a week job. It was the most tiring experience I every had. I always thought that I would get another place to live one day and that thought never left my mind. If you want it bad enough, you will find a way to get. Robert, Austin, Texas If all this is true, and I’m yet to be convinced, I think it’s a load of self-indulgent claptrap. There is plenty of government and private help available to this person, both medical and financial. But if she chooses not to take it, spending time to set up and maintain a blog instead, and then cry about it, then good luck. You have to question this person’s priorities. Come on people, assuming this person really does live in a car, this is clearly a middle class stunt by someone who probably has a Visa or Amex card in the glove box, just in case. Stuart, Ipswich “ words “life imprisonment”. And yet they are heard at the end of every murder case. If a defendant is convicted they must be given a life sentence. But a life sentence can mean anything from a few years to spending the rest of your natural life in a cell. One of Britainʼs longest serving-prisoners, Harry Roberts, has already served four decades in prison for the murder of three policemen. The changing face of the life sentence paints a picture of attitudes to justice in Britain; a picture which is not what critics of the justice system might expect. With some commentators adamant there should be major changes to the life sentence in the wake of the Sweeney case, itʼs widely suggested that the publicʼs trust in the courts has been betrayed. The notion of a bargain with the public that there would be substitution of very long sentences as a quid pro quo for abolition is nonsense Sir Louis Blom-Cooper QC It has been said that when hanging was abolished, with the public set against the measure, it was clear that it would be replaced by whole-life imprisonment for murderers. Put like this it would be easy to understand public ire. If life was meant to mean life, as a substitute for the death penalty, and has been chiselled away by “activist judges” over four decades, believers in democracy would justifiably feel aggrieved. But leading QC Sir Louis Blom-Cooper has for many years studied the sentencing of murderers and says this popular idea is a myth. “The notion of a bargain with the public that there would be substitution of very long sentences as a quid pro quo for abolition is nonsense,” he says. “There never was any such bargain. When abolition took place the legislation was simply to get rid of the penalty.” Today, there are a mere 30 whole-life tariff offenders in the prison system. The most recent is binman Mark Hobson, whose sadistic murder of his girlfriend, her sister and an elderly couple, led to a whole-life tariff despite his guilty plea. And it is clear he is one of the small group of murderers that MPs envisaged would die in prison when they voted for abolition in 1965. But the major change in sentencing for murderers in the post-war period came even before that landmark date. The 1957 Homicide Act established lesser categories of murder that would never be punished with hanging, but instead warrant a life sentence. RECENT TARIFFS Mark Hobson: Whole life Ian Huntley: 40 years Roy Whiting: 50 years Skip forward eight years to 1965, and the average time served for a life sentence was nine years, Sir Louis says. And in a debate leading to the abolition, the home secretary readily admitted that many murderers would serve “eight, nine or 10 years”, and that he was “reluctant to make it much longer”. Skip forward to 2006 and anyone who thinks we have been getting softer on lifers has to accept the picture is more complicated. Mandatory lifers - ie murderers - serve an www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 4 ” The history of life The case of paedophile Craig Sweeney, who may serve only five years in prison, has highlighted the “contradictions” of what’s one of the legal system’s most curious concepts: the life sentence. There can be fewer grimmer things one could hear than the Best of the Magazine 2006 average of 14 years - a figure that hasnʼt changed for a decade. For other lifers - those convicted of non-murder crimes but given “life” - the average has been in decline and now stands at nine years. “If nine years was acceptable then why is it 14 now?” Sir Louis asks. “This is the mediaʼs fault. People get fed with material which is at best incomplete and at worst distorted.” Todayʼs calls for “life to mean life” were also made by MPs debating the end of hanging in 1964, but ultimately rejected. In fact, the idea of a life sentence dates back to reforms in the early 19th Century, which took away the death penalty for what today might be considered fairly humdrum offences - stealing, for example. But even then, when many of those sentenced to death were reprieved, life might not mean life. “Your liberty was at the hands of the executive but it never meant you would [necessarily] spend the rest of your life in prison, although many people did. Then and now [people] die in prison,” says Sir Louis. And perhaps the key change over the last 200 years is the say of government in keeping people locked up. In the 1960s, even prison rights campaign groups - such as the Howard League for Penal Reform - accepted a home secretaryʼs right to say when a lifer could be released. That influence began to erode with the establishment of parole boards in 1967, although the government clawed back power in 1983, when then home secretary Leon Brittan made it clear he could set minimum tariffs. This, however, was effectively ended with the passing of the 2003 Criminal Justice Act. Instead there were to be tough new guidelines in setting minimums, with whole-life tariffs to go to premeditated, sexual or sadistic multiple murders, or those involving abduction, as well as the murder of a single child where these elements are involved. The key term in all this sentencing is minimum. There is no guarantee the Parole Board will recommend a release even where the minimum term has been well exceeded. It is their job to assess risk. And this is extraordinarily controversial in the area of sex offenders as well as murderers. Craig Sweeney, gruesome as his crime was, would probably not have been sentenced to life in the 1960s. Recent legislation has made it much easier to give life sentences to serious repeat sex offenders. But to critics of the softness of the justice system he is just the sort of person who should be detained for a very, very long time. His trial judge said release should only be considered when he no longer poses a “significant risk”. Views on sentencing of sex offenders and non-sex offenders might all come down to the interpretation of this term “significant”. Norman Brennan, of the Victims of Crime Trust, says: “People who are told that somebody has got life find it absolutely unbelievable that somebody could be out in threeto-five years. It makes a nonsense of the life sentence.” Mr Brennan says the criminal justice system is failing to deal adequately with serious offenders, either violent or sexual. Recent research into sex offenders by the Home Office suggested that of a study group of 173, anything up to 20% had re-offended in the years immediately after release. But those who defend the justice system against any further toughening point to the large number of lifers currently in jail and the long sentences served by those lifers. It is a very different picture from 1964 when former Conservative Home Secretary Henry Brooke noted that the previous year there had only been six men in prison more than 10 years. Even he noted: “If we are going to contemplate, and we may have to, keeping people in for the rest of their natural lives - although this is a terrible thing to contemplate with a young man perhaps sentenced in his 20s - we must bear in mind there comes a time beyond which most people would become less and less fit for return to the free world.” • Finlo Rohrer, 16 June The article states that in 1965 the average life sentence was 9 years. “If nine years was acceptable then why is it 14 now?” asks Sir Louis Blom-Cooper. I would ask if it really was acceptable then, or was that because the public were not aware of it, and like today, imagined that life meant “life”? Chris, London, UK With the advances in technology, specifically DNA testing, it is possible to be 100% certain of a criminals guilt. In that case, for the worst crimes, aggravated rape and murder especially, the death penalty should be carried out as the element of doubt has been removed. Neil, Worcester I think that this article should also have mentioned the fact that lifers are also liable to be recalled to prison at any time after their release, even if their behaviour is short of committing a crime. The media misrepresents what a life sentence really means and this is probably the most balanced article I have read on this subject. Emma, Cambridge After a fashion How will the controversy over Islamic women wearing veils end? The debate about religious freedom versus society’s norms has strong similarities to a row that engulfed 16th Century England. These may seem like unfamiliar and uncharted waters that British society is moving into - controversy over religious clothing, and fearful tensions between a religious minority and the mainstream. In fact, we’ve been here before, 400 years ago - or somewhere uncannily like it. In the days of Elizabeth I and James I/VI, the English church was riven by the Puritan controversy. The main issue - at least on the surface - was what ministers should wear: traditional robes or ordinary clothes. The difference is that then it was the establishment that demanded distinctive clothing and the radicals - the Puritans - who insisted on everyday wear. The government came down fairly strongly on the dissidents. Religious ministers who refused to back down and button up were sacked. Then as now, public opinion was divided on the subject. Puritan ministers were supported by a sizeable minority who hated what they called the “Popish rags” and demanded freedom of religious conscience. Others hated and feared Puritans as dangerous fanatics dividing English society. Puritans talked about freedom of conscience, it was said, but if they got into power wouldnʼt they just impose their own narrow-minded scruples on everyone else? One such critic was Shakespeare. In a Daily Star moment in www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 5 Best of the Magazine 2006 Twelfth Night, he has Malvolio described as “a kind of Puritan”, to which Sir Andrew Aguecheek replies, “O, if I thought that, Iʼd beat him like a dog.” You can just imagine the response that line would have got - especially as Puritans wanted to close the theatres. Then again, others thought the whole issue of religious clothing was completely trivial, and ought to blow over quickly. “It is scarcely credible how much this controversy about things of no importance has disturbed our churches,” said the Bishop of London. But it did not blow over. It dragged on for decades, and exploded spectacularly in the English Civil War in the next century. The problem was that though the issue of religious clothing seemed superficial, it was in fact just the surface of much deeper disagreements, religious and political. Religiously, Puritans saw the robes as a revival of Roman Catholicism by the back door - a religion they violently opposed as anti-Christian blasphemy. For the establishment, the robes represented a moderate religion that combined the best of old and new. This provides a valuable perspective on todayʼs debate. Seemingly trivial disputes about religious togs can mask a conflict between whole world views. To one side, it was obvious that good religion is moderate, middle of the road and orderly. To the other, it was equally apparent that true religion demands radical purity and commitment, and so-called “moderation” meant compromise with the powers of darkness. Politically, the most radical Puritans came to see the robes as an emblem of a whole godless society, while the government increasingly saw non-conformity as dangerous fanaticism, capable of overthrowing the state. It is worth noting the results of the governmentʼs refusal to meet the Puritans halfway - or anywhere at all. The Puritan movement was split, more moderate Puritans accepting the status quo, while the most radical quit the Church of England and started their own churches. This is where the non-conformist denominations, such as the Baptists, first began. Separatist leaders were executed in 1593. Surviving followers fled the country to Amsterdam, and eventually to north America on the Mayflower. Why did the government react so violently against people whose only crime was not going to church? The answer has further resonances with todayʼs situation. Twenty-five years before Elizabeth became Queen, a group of radical Protestants seized the German city of Munster, a move which ended in the deaths of thousands. This horror traumatised Europe, and from then on all radical Protestants were suspected of plotting such acts of terror. The English separatists were in fact totally peaceable, but were damned by association. Additionally, the more they were shunned by mainstream society, and the longer they separated from it, the more extreme and implacable their condemnation of it became. On a more optimistic note, however unsympathetic the radical Puritan movement may seem today, it brought forth from one of its leaders, Robert Browne, the first defence of universal religious freedom in British history. A reminder, perhaps, that even those who seem to take indefensible positions on controversial issues can have something valuable to say. • Steve Tomkins, author of A Short History of Christianity, 26 October Gym power There must be a national effort to bring about a “green revolution”, says the government. In April, Magazine readers sent in hundreds of practical ideas for saving energy and the environment. Here is just one of them. Magazine reader Melissa was just one of the many to make this seemingly common sense proposition. “What about creating green gyms where people pay their memberships as normal, but then use swipe cards before and after they get on the machines. The difference here is that the machines would all be linked to a large central generator, so if you are really working out you will be generating much more energy than is needed to power the machine display. “The swipe cards would monitor how much time you spent on each machine then - depending on the efficiency of the machine - calculate whether you were a net user or contributor of energy to the building. At the end of the year, people get a rebate on their membership depending on how much energy their use of the treadmills and cardio machines has generated for the gym. “This could become really sophisticated. If you have generated more energy than the average gym user uses (divide the heating and lighting costs of the gym by the number of users) then next yearʼs membership could be free, or it could even operate on a week by week basis so that if you generated more energy than your last visit, your next trip to the gym is 20% cheaper. Youʼll be slimmer, the gym fees will be cheaper and the gym could potentially generate enough energy to supply electricity to nearby buildings as well as run its own energy needs.” Graeme Bathurst, of independent energy consultancy TNEI, offered this very considered expert analysis: “Technically, yes this is possible. However, without meaning to sound cynical, most things are possible technically. Whether they are cost effective or technically sensible however is another matter. In short, the key issue in this case is that humans donʼt use very much energy. “The average diet is 2000 calories a day so if all of that were converted to electrical energy then a single person could run a 100 Watt light bulb for about 22 hours. The problem of course, as all those who have exercised know, is that humans get hot. The energy burnt is not converted directly into mechanical movement and so it is not possible to harness the full energy usage. “As an example of this, a vigorous 10 minute work-out on a rowing machine for the average person will burn about 100 calories, or in other words, enough electrical energy to run the www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 6 Best of the Magazine 2006 same 100 Watt light bulb for one hour. Assuming though that at most we can harness 50% of the energy usage, this translates to an average power of 350W, which is probably the same as the average power of the advanced rowing machine that you are currently using! “Taking the sweaty exertions from 40 machines in a gym covering the usual suspects of rowing, cycling, running and walking over the peak two hour activity period, then this could generate in the order of 25kWh of electrical energy. This is assuming of course that all the individuals concerned were genuinely attempting to workout. At an electricity retail price of 7p/kWh, this will allow the gym to recoup the princely sum of £2/day, or annually about £500. So, is this cost effective? Probably not. “However, 25kWh is also the average daily consumption of several houses and so is not an inconsiderable quantity of energy. Energy scavenging and self-power devices are topics that are developing a considerable level of technical and commercial interest and so there may be some mileage in a gym type application particularly with the green or sustainable marketing angle. “If nothing else, the ʻgymeeʼ could take heart from the fact that their excursions have provided sufficient energy to recharge their iPod for the arduous journey home.” • 14 April “ in the places we socialise and plastered over the things that entertain us. Some brands are causes for celebration, being symbols of status or objects of beauty (BMW). Others are the subject of ridicule, somehow signifying a state in life which we cannot slip below (Skoda). In both cases, we take for granted that brands and their messages (advertising) are ever-present in our lives. This is what has come to worry me. I belong to a generation that has been continually sold-to, almost from birth. If someone had taken the time to videotape my life, in a Truman Show type of way, there would be less than a few hours of tape in which there were no brands on the screen. On my food, on my clothes, on the telly and in my brain. In my world, the implications of wearing a crocodile as opposed to a polo player on the breast of oneʼs shirt are of crucial importance Bonfire of the brands We are surrounded by myriad brands, flashing neon signs, billboards, labels on our heads, feet and bodies, and the objects we hold in our hands. But what happens when one man tries to live without them? I am addicted to brands. For as long as I can remember, they have occupied my thoughts during the waking day. What they look like, what they do, what they mean. The majority of my modest income has been spent on them and Iʼve gone to great lengths to acquire and be around them. I am a music promoter and style magazine editor by trade. In the first case that means putting on events that are often sponsored by brands. In the second it means understanding, keeping up with and talking about brands. Constantly. As a young teenager, all I ever wanted to do was to work with my favourite brands - Adidas, Technics, Budweiser, Sony - the names that were plastered over the things I craved to own. Where some boys had posters of footballers or movie stars on their walls, I had images of trainers and turntables - to be surrounded by these names made me feel better about myself, transforming me from my humdrum middle class life in south London suburbia. But in less than a monthʼs time, I am going to burn every branded thing in my possession. Gucci shoes, Habitat chairs, even Simple soap. I have reached the point in my life where I can no longer be around these things, no matter how special they make me feel. Yes, it is going to be a terrible waste, yes Iʼll no doubt feel lost when theyʼre gone, but at this moment in time, it seems the only thing I can do. Brands are all around us. In our homes, on our way to work, It is estimated that the average Briton receives over 3,000 advertising messages a day, and my brainʼs full of them: Mr Muscle loves the jobs you hate; Burger King flame grilled whopper for only £2.99; new Elvive anti-breakage shampoo from LʼOreal Paris; Oral B pulsar, changing the way you brush forever... and on it goes. From an early age, I have been taught that to be accepted, to be loveable, to be cool, one must have the right stuff. At junior school, I tried to make friends with the popular kids, only to be ridiculed for the lack of stripes on my trainers. Once I had nagged my parents to the point of buying me the shoes I was duly accepted at school, and I became much happier as a result. As long as my parents continued to buy me the brands, life was more fun. Now, at the age of 31, I still behave according to playground law. I have been topping up my self-esteem and my social status by buying the right branded things, so that I feel good about myself, so that people can know who I am. In my world, the implications of wearing a crocodile as opposed to a polo player on the breast of oneʼs shirt are of crucial importance. Understanding the differences between Dualit and Dyson, and what they say about their owners is reflection of style and good taste. By now youʼre thinking that I am a particularly shallow individual, and to a certain extent, youʼd be right. But I think that in small ways, we all behave like this in our daily lives. A stranger waves as they drive past in the same model car as our own. Snap judgments are made on youths dressed in white Reeboks and hoodies. That little bit extra spent on our favourite name brands in the supermarket is a small price to pay because weʼre worth it. The manner in which we spend our money defines who we are. This theory isnʼt exactly new. Thorstein Veblen conjured the phrase “conspicuous consumption” back in 1899 in his book the Theory of the Leisure Class. In this secular society of ours, where family and church once gave us a sense of belonging, identity and meaning, there is now Apple, Mercedes and Coke. These brands offer us a set of beliefs and goals which we can aspire to. Is this sounding far fetched? Donʼt take it from me, hereʼs Kevin Roberts, worldwide CEO of Saatchi & Saatchi. “For great brands to survive, they must create loyalty beyond reason. The secret is the use of mystery, sensuality www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 7 ” Best of the Magazine 2006 and intimacy... the power to create long term emotional connections with consumers.” Being the gullible fool that I am, I believed in the promises that these brands made to me; that I would be more attractive, more successful, more happy for buying their stuff. However, the highs of consumerism have been accompanied by a continual, dull ache, growing slowly as the years have gone by; a melancholy that until recently I could not understand. I now realise that itʼs these damn brands that are the source of the pain. For every new status symbol I acquire, for every new extension to my identity that I buy, I lose a piece of myself to the brands. I placed my trust, even some love with these companies, and what have I had in return for my loyalty and my faith? Absolutely nothing. How could they, theyʼre just brands. So, this is why I am burning all my stuff. To find real happiness, to find the real me, I must get rid of it all and start again, a brand-free life, if that is indeed possible. Perhaps if I consume on the basis of need instead of want, on utility instead of status, I might start to value material things for the right reasons. For the time being, I can only hope. • Neil Boorman, 29 August. Boorman did go through with his plan and burned all his possessions. and skateboard parks. Mr Llewelyn Davies died in 1981 but his practice continues and more recently it has handled the regeneration of Cardiff Bay and the renaissance of Edinburghʼs waterfront. Nothing in the firmʼs history, however, compares with its latest commission. Martin Crookston, a director of what is now Llewelyn Davies Yeang, is well aware of the sensitivities of the Najaf project. But given the backdrop of bloody violence in Iraq, isnʼt it putting the cart before the horse to be thinking about traffic flow management and pedestrianisation? “Millions of people are going about their daily lives and some of them are getting killed and hurt,” he says, seeking to balance the widespread belief that Iraq is a daily bloodbath. “But still all the normal things in life must go on. And if kids are unable to get to school because theyʼve not laid out plans for a primary school then what good is that? Urban planning is not the worldʼs most important priority bar none, but it is actually quite important.” Najaf however, is no ordinary Iraqi city. It is home to the tomb of Imam Ali, the cousin of the Prophet Muhammad, whose death launched the Shia Islamic sect. It is said to date back to the 8th Century and draws millions of pilgrims every year. Quite how many is important to find out, says Mr Crookston, who, because of security concerns, cannot travel to Iraq. Instead he is working with Adec, a team of Iraqi consultants in Najaf. HOLY CITY OF NAJAF Estimated population in 2003 was 585,000 Home to the shrine of Imam Ali Re-design is part of initial $1.6m development plan The arms-length approach is unorthodox for planners, who generally like to plant themselves in the centre of wherever they are working to absorb the atmosphere and “get the feel of how people use the place”. Instead, Mr Crookston and his London colleagues are in close e-mail contact with their Iraqi colleagues who are doing the preliminary assessment work. Under Saddam Husseinʼs rule Najaf was neglected, says one of the project workers on the ground there. “For the last 35 years there was a plan to minimise the importance of Najaf city by destroying many features of the old city,” says the Adec spokesman, who asks not to be named. The city has a host of other pressing concerns, he admits, such as security issues and water and electricity supply. But security is “better than Baghdad” and “the first step is always to plan... Without clear masterplans for Najaf, they cannot develop the city”. Critics will doubtless cock an eyebrow at an AngloSaxon firm re-planning a historic Arabic city. After all, the concreting-over of many time-honoured British towns in the 1960s and 70s hardly inspires confidence at home, let alone abroad. Mr Crookston, however, has experience of the region, having overseen the restoration and redevelopment plans in the historic city of Salt, in Jordan, and the old Bastakia district of Dubai. The team is also working with an expert on Najaf architecture. Najaf escaped major damage in the 2003 invasion to oust Saddam Hussein, but it took a battering during a three-week www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 8 From the people who brought you Milton Keynes... The planning agency which designed Milton Keynes has been handed the job of reshaping a city which is no stranger to adversity: Najaf, in Iraq. At first glance the stacks of labelled box files which line one wall of Martin Crookstonʼs London office are a trot through some familiar locations in provincial England. Smethwick, Birmingham, the Black Country and Telford, Newcastle, Najaf. Thatʼs Najaf as in the Iraqi holy city. Najaf, the scene of suicide bombs two years ago which killed dozens of people and injured many more. Najaf, the arena for a full-scale American military assault to oust a radical Muslim cleric, back in 2004. For 12 months, the city in southern Iraq has remained relatively calm compared to the violent unrest in some other parts of the country. Now, in what is thought to be the first commission of its kind in post-war Iraq, the Baghdad authorities have appointed a British firm of town planners to remodel the entire centre of Najaf. And while most of the residents of the holy city have probably never heard of Milton Keynes, the company assigned the job of reshaping Najaf was responsible for designing Britainʼs most infamous new town. Much has changed since 1970, when Richard Llewelyn Davies laid down plans for a new settlement to cater for the growing number of families fleeing London in search of a better life. By the 1980s Milton Keynes had become a byword for both the pros and cons of post-war British urban planning. It was to some a spacious, modern, landscaped town, and to others a dystopic, soulless home to shopping centres Best of the Magazine 2006 assault by American troops in 2004. Itʼs too early to say what the new Najaf might look like - the plans will come towards the end of this year - but given the sensitivities, Mr Crookston foresees “a lot of long slow conversations over coffee” with municipal elders. While respecting the cityʼs authenticity, there is a balance to be struck, he says, with modernity. Something that canʼt be ignored is how to handle Najafʼs deluge of pilgrims. To the north of the city are huge cemeteries, but access for mourners is messy and haphazard. In the city centre there is a swathe of land known as Pilgrimsʼ Town that has been neglected. And at the moment visitors from far and wide who arrive by bus are deposited near the centre on a plot of land that can loosely be called a bus station. One option, says Mr Crookston, would be to build a bigger bus station out of town and have shuttles running to and from the shrines. In effect, it could be Iraqʼs first park-and-ride scheme. • Jonathan Duffy, 20 February Simple to use, and with a low-fuss factor, it has consistently high rates of usage - securing its place among the 10 most effective purchases. Also joining this band of worthwhile purchases are newcomers such as digital radios and shredders, where the cost and usage work out to the advantage of the buyer. And if you need to defend buying electronic gadgets and techno toys, this survey provides the evidence that they are a good investment. Really. Laptops, satellite navigation, electric toothbrushes and portable music players are all top rated in a list of most-used items, both in the first month after purchase and then over the year. But games consoles canʼt be defended in this way - as their combination of high cost and lack of use puts them among the 10 least-effective purchases. And before splashing out on a health kick, it might be worth looking at the other major league skip-fillers - exercise bikes, rowing machines and back massagers. So unless thereʼs some way of massaging the figures as well, steer clear of the ice cream gadgets and health machines. • Sean Coughlan, 28 April I think the electric juicer we have (unwanted present) is worth a mention. It takes four times as long to clean it after use as it does to make a drink and consume it - fruit juice, so hard to find in the shops!. Used once, will fill a cupboard for a couple of years then get thrown out. Linsey, Croydon Guilty as charged. Not so much the kitchen stuff, but the health machines: a mini-trampoline that I used precisely twice because my cats were terrified of it, a yoga ball thing that I haven’t even inflated yet - and that came with a video that I now can’t play because I switched to a new DVR gadget.... a toning ring - who was I kidding?? Jill, NY, USA What about the slow cooker? We used ours twice to make stew during winter, but it just requires too much organisation to start cooking your supper in the morning. Erica, Douglas, Isle of Man The economics of ice cream There are gadgets we buy that are hardly ever used - what are the economics of these abandoned sandwich makers and fondue sets? It seemed like such a good idea at the time. The weather forecast promised sunshine, Wimbledon was on the box - it was ice-cream weather. But instead of just buying a cone and feeling good about life, you got over-ambitious. You wanted ice cream around the clock, 99s 24/7. And if you made them yourself theyʼd be so much tastier. Thatʼs where it all goes horribly wrong, because according to an analysis of household gadgets, buying an ice cream maker is one of our least cost-effective purchases. It never gets used. And even though it might only cost about £40, it has the highest “cost-per-use” of any item in a survey by Pricerunner, a price comparison website. This list of unused gadgets is a graveyard of good intentions. Gathering dust with the ice cream maker are the fondue set, the keep-fit video and foot spa. Thereʼs also a place in this pantheon of pointlessness for the toasted sandwich maker, another bright idea doomed to failure. You eat toasties at the pub, so why not at home when a few friends come around? Except if three people want one at the same time, you spend half the evening in the kitchen fiddling with the ingredients, and the rest of the time trying to clean carbonised cheese out of the attractive scallop-design interior. Although not yet on the endangered list, the bread maker must be a candidate for the death-row shelf in the kitchen. The danger signs are there - itʼs bulky, and offers a time-consuming and labour intensive way of getting something thatʼs readily available. But itʼs not all gloom and doom. This way of analysing prices also identifies the items that are the best long-term value. Kettles, televisions and microwaves are effective purchases in this cost-per-use pricing system. Because theyʼre used often, they become, in purchasing terms, a great deal. While unused yoghurt makers might only serve as a reminder of why shops were invented, the steamer is an example of what really does work in the kitchen. How did Nicole Kidman remarry in a Catholic church? How did the one-time spouse of Tom Cruise get remarried in a Catholic church if she didn’t have an annulment? Clue: she wasn’t actually married before. Nicole Kidmanʼs wedding to country singer Keith Urban in Sydney at the weekend drew plenty of media attention. But some Catholics will have looked on perplexed at how the former bride of actor Tom Cruise managed to tie the knot for a second time, in a Catholic church. It was widely reported in the run up to the weekend wedding that Ms Kidman had received an annulment for her previous marriage - the Catholic Churchʼs procedure for allowing a follower to wed again. Father Paul Coleman, who conducted the latest nuptials, was said to have advised the Oscar-winning actress on the dissolution. In fact, Kidman www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 9 Best of the Magazine 2006 didnʼt need an annulment for one simple reason: in the eyes of the Catholic Church her 10-year union with Tom Cruise, a Scientologist, never happened. The original wedding was performed in the Church of Scientology and wasnʼt recognised by the Catholic faith. The divorce granted to the couple in 2001 was a legal rather than religious procedure for Kidman. So Kidman would only have had to have obtained a licence from the Catholic Church saying that she was legally free to marry and that the Church had not recognised her first marriage. “The Catholic Church sets down requirements to have a valid Catholic marriage. In the case of Nicoleʼs first marriage, those requirements were not fulfilled,” said Father Coleman, who married Kidman and Urban. Kidman had dabbled with Scientology and Father Coleman talked of her Catholic wedding in terms of a spiritual homecoming. Annulment is, nevertheless, controversial in some Catholic circles. How can the Church rule a marriage never really happened, especially if itʼs been a long one and generated children? The Catholic Church began to make annulments easier to get in the 1970s, adding a category of “psychological grounds”, which includes “lack of due discretion” - in other words, an applicant might claim theyʼd not fully appreciated the responsibilities of marriage. Today this category, which also takes in “psychological incapacity assuming the obligations”, is the main grounds upon which annulments are granted. Lack of due discretion centres on the question of what it is that couples are consenting to when they agree to marry. Priests say considering a petition for annulment on such grounds is very complex - and requests for annulments are often turned down (in which case an applicant cannot remarry in a Catholic church). While many in the Church argue priests should be trying to discern a “grave” lack of discretion, some argue that priests, particularly those in the US, are too easy. According to the Holy See, 43,153 straightforward annulments were granted worldwide, almost 29,000 of which were issued in north America in 2003. This compares with 511 in Great Britain and 304 across Ireland. Many of these were later overturned by the Vatican. Rome has long been concerned that priests in the US are handing out too many annulments. The Vatican argues that American culture demands maximum self-fulfilment and that includes what can be expected from a marriage. As a result, more annulments are granted in the US, leaving Rome worried that the Americans are, essentially, letting divorce in through the back door. For Kidman, however, such difficult questions never needed to be answered. • Kathryn Westcott, 26 June “ Iʼd fit in and knew Iʼd end up looking gormless in some celebrity magazine,” he says. But surely thatʼs the point of doing a reality TV show - to get something for nothing and your face in the papers alongside other z-list celebrities? Not for this self-confessed geek and amateur-radio enthusiast, but he was always a bit different. He went into the house halfway through the show and came out the runner-up with £50,000 prize money. His self-effacing attitude and refusal to get involved in the backstabbing and lewd antics to which his housemates were addicted made him a favourite with the viewing public. But why put yourself through such an ordeal? Most Big Brother contestants are egocentric, fame seeking prima donnas - including myself Eugene Sully Don’t you know who I am? As wave after wave of celebrity wannabes seek their 15 minutes of fame, is it worth it? Ex-contestant, mild-mannered Eugene Sully, tells all. Since coming second in 2005ʼs Big Brother, Eugene Sully has turned down just one invitation - to Jordan and Peter Andreʼs wedding. “Iʼd never met them before, I didnʼt think Sully, 28, admits being on television did appeal to him but wasnʼt his main motivation for doing the show. He wanted to use the celebrity it brings to get a better job doing what he loves - anything technical basically. Did he succeed? Not really. He is currently looking for work, staying in his nanʼs house in Crawley and living off the money he earned from Big Brother, which totals £85,000. There was an initial flurry of interest in him after leaving the house and he was on Blue Peter, Dick and Dom In Da Bungalow and in Heat magazine. But he quickly became yesterdayʼs man and has spent much of the year trying to maintain his profile and promote himself. Hits on his personal website have fallen from a high of 300,000 a week when he left the Big Brother house to just 300 now. All the personal appearances have dried up. Interest didnʼt even pick up with Big Brother 7. But being voted off Celebdaq - the BBCʼs celebrity stock exchange - in January was a personal low for him. “I think anyone who says they donʼt want to be on television is clearly disturbed,” he says. “But it wasnʼt all about fame for me. I like the environment and find the whole thing fascinating, thatʼs where my interest lies. I want to work in television and if they want me in front of the camera, all the better.” But being in Big Brother does carry a stigma, he says, and it is hard to go any further in the media than just being fodder for the gossip columns. “Most Big Brother contestants are egocentric, fame-seeking prima donnas - including myself. Subsequently they will do anything for press coverage and the problem is any company wanting to promote something will end up looking cheap if they use them. I am trying to fight that and present myself as Eugene, rather than a former Big Brother contestant. I donʼt mind talking about the show but Iʼd prefer someone to be asking me about digital television.” He admits he did not get as much work out of the programme as he had hoped, but is still confident that he will. “Big Brother tell you before the show that most people donʼt get a career out of being on the programme, but everyone thinks theyʼre going to get more out of it than they do. Even I fell for that a bit. When you come out of the house and you are noticed all the time, you do get a false sense of the fame you have. The reality is those who come out are not television presenters, singers or comedians, they have little talent. All most of them www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 10 ” Best of the Magazine 2006 are good for is getting their boobs - or other bits - out.” Despite the disappointment work-wise, he enjoys the attention he gets from the public. He signed his last autograph in his local McDonalds three days ago. But the more attention he gets, the more he wants, resulting in his professional standards slipping. “Iʼm pretty much up for doing any media job. Why not push it for all I can get?” He has no regrets about going into the house and does not think he embarrassed himself while in there. But some might consider admitting to being a virgin on national television an intrusion of privacy and a high price to pay for a bit of fame. “I didnʼt have a problem with the virgin thing,” he says. “What I was worried about was any subsequent interrogation, but it didnʼt happen. Anyway, if Iʼd said that information was private, all people would have done is probe more and more.” He readily says he is still a virgin. This is partly because he doesnʼt go out on the pull, but also because he cannot trust people as they might go and sell the story. The sex life of any celebrity - however minor - is of interest to the tabloids. But for him the worst thing about being on Big Brother is the local youths who knock on his door in the middle of the night shouting: “This is Big Brother, you are evicted.” He doesnʼt find it funny. So, would he go in the house again? “Yes, if I was asked,” he says. “But Iʼd like the tasks to be a bit more intelligent, a bit more of a challenge.” • Denise Winterman,18 May Surely Eugene knew Big Brother wasn’t going to kickstart a respectable TV career, when he was handed a pair of leaf covered Y-fronts and told.. “you are going to arrive wearing these” Lizzi, Poole, Dorset I think Eugene has done a lot for amateur radio as a hobby. I am a licensed amateur and it has always had problems drawing in the numbers. Anything that can get amateur radio into the public arena is a good thing. So from my point of view all though i’m not a great fan of Big Brother for a multitude of reasons- positive can come of it! Sam M3KWF, Wisbech UK More of Eugene in the media please. He is fit!!!!! Gemma, Rhymney Valley who says itʼs one reason nearly a quarter of adults in the UK are obese. The government and doctors use the body mass index (BMI) to assess a personʼs condition; classing us as “underweight, ok, overweight, obese or clinically obese”. The calculation is based on comparing a personʼs weight with their height and does not take into account gender or the proportion of body fat to muscle. Some medical bodies, including the World Health Organization, say waist size is a more accurate measure, but the government has no plans to ditch the BMI. “We are aware of criticism and that there has been talk of the hip-to-waist ratio, but this is the agreed system and we will continue to use it,” says a Department of Health spokeswoman. So what does obesity look like? We headed to Stratford, east London, to break the unhappy news to some unsuspecting men, who significantly outnumber women in the fight against fat. From left to right: Andy Wood, Billy Murrell, Lee Embery and Zac Goby ANDY WOOD: 6ʼ 2” 16ST 11LB - OFFICIALLY OBESE “I know Iʼm carrying a little bit of extra weight but Iʼm not obese. I think I am a fair weight for my height and build. The BMI doesnʼt take into account things like muscle, which is important. It would class most rugby players and footballers as obese and look how fit they are. According to the index my healthy weight is around 12 to 13 stone, but I actually think that is underweight for my height. There is a problem with obesity in this country, people donʼt eat well or look after themselves. But using the BMI is not the right way of assessing the problem, itʼs not very helpful.” BILLY MURRELL: 5ʼ 8” 14ST - OFFICIALLY OBESE “No way. I donʼt agree with that - itʼs crazy. I know Iʼm carrying a few extra pounds and I am having a cheeseburger for breakfast, but obese? Iʼm just eating this to kill a bit of time before an appointment, I donʼt usually have a burger for breakfast. That classification isnʼt any good because it doesnʼt take into account my body frame, muscle or what sex I am, all of which make a difference. Iʼd have to lose around three stone for the government to think Iʼm the right weight, Thatʼs just stupid. Iʼd look ill and I probably would be ill. I know the government has to have a way to measure weight, but this is not it. They need to look at things again.” LEE EMBERY: 6ʼ 2” 15ST - OFFICIALLY OVERWEIGHT “I think thatʼs a bit harsh. I know I could do with losing some weight, but only a few pounds. Iʼd have to lose about two stone to get to what the government thinks is the ideal weight for me. Itʼs ridiculous, I would look ill, look like a skeleton. www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 11 Who are you calling fat? Britain is the fattest country in Europe and part of the problem is people don’t realise they are overweight, says the government. So what does obesity look like? How hard can it really be? The rolls of surplus flesh, the tight waistband, not being able to see your own feet - you donʼt need to be a rocket scientist to work out youʼre carrying extra pounds. But many people donʼt consider themselves overweight, according to fitness minister Caroline Flint, Best of the Magazine 2006 I would not look healthy. I know there are some things about my eating habits that I could change but on the whole I donʼt consider myself unhealthy. Iʼd like to see what some of those government ministers are classed as using this index. I would like to see how they react to being called fat.” ZAC GOBI: 6ʼ 4”; 18ST - OFFICIALLY OBESE “Obese! Not even just overweight. That is a bit of a shock. I think itʼs ridiculous, Iʼm 6ft 4ins so Iʼm never going to be as light as a feather. I think my weight is fine for my height. To get to the weight slap in the middle of what the index says is right for a man of my height I would have to lose around five stone. Thatʼs madness, Iʼd look ill and as if I had a massive head. I eat one big meal a day, it is a really big meal - maybe a whole chicken, rice and peas. I think the amount I eat and my diet is good. There is a problem with weight in this country but the index is confusing. It doesnʼt take into account things like muscle.” • Denise Winterman, 12 October How to drive a tank Protesters in Budapest seized a World War II-era tank that had been part of an open-air display and drove it 100m down the road. Is it just a matter of switch on and go? A tank clattered across the cobbles of Budapest this week in a bizarre throwback to the 1956 Hungarian Uprising. Antigovernment protesters hijacked a Soviet-era tank - removed from a museum display - and drove it around before being arrested. How easy are these metal monsters to drive? You canʼt just walk up to one, turn an ignition key, and off you go - or can you? I decided to find out. Several surplus tanks now lurk in fields dotted around the Home Counties where those in search of a dayʼs corporate bonding can give them a whirl. Most are ex-British Army Chieftains, but some are T-34s, the type “borrowed” from the exhibition in Budapest. Whereas most tanks have a separate crew hatch for the driver, the T-34 requires me to climb over the wheels and tracks and haul myself up onto the turret top to access the driverʼs controls. These tanks are quite tall and the 2.7m tests my muscles - most crewmen were 18-year old agile striplings. Slithering inside the turret, Iʼm thankful of the crewmanʼs padded helmet, as there are lots of sharp switches, radio sets, ammunition racks and the gun on which to injure myself. Once in the driverʼs seat, Iʼm cramped, uncomfortable and this part of the tank reeks of oil. Fortunately, I can see my route ahead through the little driverʼs hatch (in combat I would be locked in, relying on a periscope - no place for a claustrophobe). As everything is manually operated, the clutch pedal is surprisingly light. I press the start button and feel the foot pedal vibrate as the 500 horsepower engine kick in. I lean forward uncomfortably with my right hand to reach the gear stick (five forward, one reverse) and rev the engine almost to screaming pitch before selecting the gears, then the 32 tons of metal monster lurches forward. I hit my head. There are two steering sticks, a right and a left, to which the T-34 responds sluggishly. A sharp pull back on the left one and the left brake engages, slewing the beast in that direction. Itʼs surprisingly manoeuvrable, but very loud and I catch pungent lungfuls of its generous exhaust fumes as I pirouette the monster about. Navigation is a problem - I canʼt see behind or to the sides, thatʼs why thereʼs a commander in the turret telling me where to go over his intercom. So, besides the 85mm gun and armour plating, itʼs more like my car than I expected, but would be a real hazard to manoeuvre in traffic. But I donʼt know how so many young soldiers managed to cope in such an environment. Being cheap and mass-produced, T-34s were decidedly chilly in winter and stiflingly hot in summer; if the main gun was fired, the tank would lurch with the recoil, then the inside filled up with fumes as the gun breach was opened on reloading. Anyone could drive a basic tank, especially the T-34, though tank novices may find it stalls easily. No surprise then that tanks have often been hijacked by civilians in uprisings, whether Paris in 1944, Budapest in 1956 or Prague in 1968. But in 2006, shouting “fill her up” to the service station attendant would lighten your pocket instantly: a T-34 takes 545 litres of diesel and uses two litres for every kilometre. • Peter Caddick-Adams, military historian, 26 October Silent witness Tony Blair’s long goodbye has dominated the news. So we must all be talking about it. Right? Not exactly. While the big beasts of the political jungle gathered for Tony Blairʼs historic farewell speech at the Labour party conference in Manchester, a short walk away in Piccadilly Gardens, people are sitting outside drinking posh coffees. Neil Kinnock, who used to make leaderʼs speeches himself, strides past a few yards away. Not an eye is turned in his direction and the mobile phone conversations make no mention of Tony, Cherie and Gordon. Maybe these are the wrong sort of public. Traditionally, the place to take the pulse of what people are talking about is the Clapham omnibus. So how about the Altrincham tram? The tram-line skirts the perimeter of the conference security zone and it looks as though weʼre in luck, as a definite political talking point comes into view. Thereʼs a small protest, red flags fluttering and a couple of police horses. But a couple of young women sitting on the tram only tut-tut dismissively and go back to a magazine article about Justin Timberlake. A seat behind, a woman confirms a holiday booking. Thereʼs a sudden burst of loud conversation. Is this going to be a voice-of-the-people debate about the future of the Labour leadership? Possibly. Except itʼs in Polish. Perhaps we need to get right up close to the conference. At St Peterʼs Square, by the conference security barriers, it looks more promising. A tall, lean figure emerges from the conference zone, thereʼs a flurry of interest and a passer-by snaps a picture. Itʼs Jon Snow, off the telly. A few yards away the Transport Secretary, Douglas Alexander, walks through the crowd completely unnoticed. www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 12 Best of the Magazine 2006 Doesnʼt anyone care about the political upheavals taking place behind these security fences? How about that other home of strong opinion and political wisdom? The public house. With the conference on the doorstep itʼs got to be on the pub televisions? Thatʼll get the drinkers talking. Thereʼs a pub across the road from Manchester Unitedʼs Old Trafford ground, festooned with football regalia. But theyʼve got music videos on the box. Donʼt they feel the hand of history on the remote control? There must be somewhere to share this political milestone? Not in the Yatesʼs wine lodge, itʼs screening MTV. Thereʼs a bar called Che with a Cuban flag - and no sign of the conference speech there either. And Wetherspoonʼs is another no-show for the big Blair address. Finally, thereʼs a pub called the Piccadilly which makes room for the leaderʼs farewell. But expecting anyone to pay any attention or to discuss this moment in modern history is a non-starter. Attention-hungry pundits and politicos fill the television screen - but like people shouting from within a bubble, no one can hear them. Not least because someone has turned the sound down. When Mr Blair gets up to speak, a couple of women lugging shopping collapse into chairs below the big screen. “Shall we? Or shanʼt we? Maybe we shouldnʼt. Itʼs still early. Oh, go on. Get a bottle in.” Maybe theyʼre going to toast Mr Blair with a bottle of pub white. At last, thereʼs another public appearance for Mr Blair, where you can actually hear the words. Itʼs on a giant outdoor screen, around the corner from a fancy Harvey Nichols store, where a man stands outside wearing a top hat. The big screen is facing the giant pinwheels outside Selfridges. Children are playing in a water feature, shoppers are sitting down in the warm September afternoon, there are people nearby sipping beer in a no-smoking pub. Is anyone talking about the seismic shifts in politics? The end of the man who has dominated the political scene for a decade? Not even the lure of appearing on a Danish cable television channel is enough to get people to speculate, as an overseas camera crew struggles to vox pop passers-by. And before making fun of the politicians, in their sealed world, you canʼt help but notice how much the conference people and journalists look and sound like each other - slightly over-dressed, bulky bags, ID tags, wanting to talk about something that doesnʼt seem to trouble anyone else. Weʼre the odd ones out, not the public. Around the corner in St Annʼs Square, in the new-look, confident, cosmopolitan Manchester, there are people drinking coffee in the hot autumn sunshine. “You know, the weather has really improved,” says a woman outside Starbucks. At last, weʼve found someone ready to venture an opinion on the Blair legacy. • Sean Coughlan, 25 September I’m becoming apathetic to the apathy. Andrew Pattison, London Exclusive: Journalist takes a walk in the real world. Abi, London Who is this Tony fellow? Was he on Big Brother? Max, England Why is Menzies pronounced Mingis? Sir Menzies Campbell became leader of the Lib Dems in March. Why is his first name pronounced Mingis? Blame the “yogh”, a letter in old English and Scots (see image, below) which has no exact equivalent today. Pronounced “yog”, it used to be written a bit like the old copperplate-style “z” with a tail, which helps explain the discrepancy between the spelling of Menzies and the pronunciation. The rise of printing in the 16th Century coincided with the decline of the yogh, and so it tended to be rendered in print as a “z”, and pronounced as such. But thereʼs more to saying Menzies than simply transposing the “z” for a “g” when speaking the name. “Youʼve got the upper ʻyʼ sound from the back of the mouth and the ʻnʼ sound going to meet it,” says Chris Robinson, director of the Scottish Language Dictionaries. “Thereʼs a sort of assimilation of the two sounds.” According to the BBC Pronunciation Unit, the name can be phonetically transcribed as “MING-iss”. “It rhymes with ʻsingʼ but without the hard ʻgʼ,” says BBC pronunciation linguist Catherine Sangster. “Think of the difference between ʻfingerʼ and ʻsingerʼ. In Menzies, you want the ʻnʼ to immediately form into the soft ʻngʼ from singer.” The yogh takes a softer “y” sound in the word capercaillie, the name of a large grouse, which the Oxford English Dictionary spells “capercailye” or “capercailzie”. The same goes for the Scottish surname Dalziel, pronounced Dee-ELL. The yogh owes its origin to the Irish scribes who arrived in Saxon Britain in the 8th Century and began teaching the Anglo Saxons to write - before this, old English was written in runes, says Ms Robinson. It fell out of favour with the Normans, whose scribes disliked non-Latin characters and replaced it with a “y” or “g” sound, and in the middle of words with “gh”. But the Scottish retained the yogh in personal and place names, albeit mutating into a “z” to please the typesetters of the day. Inevitably, however, the euphemistic “z” became a real “z”, in some quarters at least. The surname “MacKenzie” now almost universally takes the “zee” sound although it would have originally been pronounced “MacKenyie”. “I had two girls in my class at school with the surname Menzies, one pronounced ʻMingisʼ the other ʻMenzeesʼ,” says Ms Robinson. Often pronunciation can be an indicator of class and status, or geography. But in the case of Menzies itʼs purely arbitrary, says Ms Robinson, who advises to always check. Those south of the border might be surprised to know that the newspaper distributors John Menzies takes the old pronunciation, and so should be John Mingis. The companyʼs website has a bit of fun with the potential for misunderstanding, invoking the following poem to make its point: www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 13 Best of the Magazine 2006 A lively young damsel named Menzies Inquired: “Do you know what this thenzies?” Her aunt, with a gasp, Replied: “Itʼs a wasp, And youʼre holding the end where the stenzies.” • Jonathan Duffy, 10 January I was once advised by a venerable Scots Lib Dem many years ago that the correct pronunciation of Mr Campbell’s first name is ‘Menoz’. She noted that he once thanked her for being the only person in Cowley Street who ever said it correctly. Andy, Oxfordshire, UK This Menzies thing always made me laugh growing up. Every Dundonian knows that the district known as Menzieshill is pronounced “Meeniss-hill” ( we soften the ‘e’ and drop the ‘g’ for effect!) - and yet we’d rarely pronounce the newsagent John Menzies ‘correctly’. Richard B, Edinburgh (formerly Dundee), Scotland, UK John Menzies might think they are called John Mingis, but when I was growing up in the West Highlands everyone (except my Mum) called them John Menzees. Oliver, UK The politics of being 40 David Cameron has hit the big four zero. Want to understand the modern Conservative party? Forget the politics, think: middle-aged dad. Have you noticed something about the Conservatives? Trying to look a bit more youthful, suddenly discovering that money isnʼt everything, obsessed with looking after the children. Yes, itʼs a 40-year-old man thinking aloud. David Cameron has hit the big four-zero. And the Conservative party is reverberating with the anxieties familiar to anyone in this greying hair, growing kidsʼ time-zone. Forget the politics, just listen to the speeches. “Think what itʼs like when youʼre left on your own to look after the kids. If Iʼm in charge on my own for just a few hours the place looks like a bombʼs hit it. Imagine looking after children all on your own all the time.” Whatʼs that from? It was Cameronʼs big policy speech to the party conference in Bournemouth. Bournemouth. Thatʼll be nice for the kids. Bit of beach, theyʼll like that. Isnʼt there that monkey zoo nearby? Saw it on Animal Planet. Wanted to watch the football, but theyʼd hidden the remote... Sorry, what was that? Yes, speech to the conference. Modernising. Green. Hospitals. Sorry, canʼt get that Balamory tune out of my head. Yes, taxes. Iʼll mention taxes. Wouldnʼt you like to know. If you want to understand the changing face of the Conservatives, consider the obsessions of the fortysomething parent. Having children means discovering stuff like hospitals and schools. Theyʼre no longer just public services, they have a very private significance. They suddenly seem much more important than before. Sit where fortysomethings gather and listen. Theyʼre not talking about Europe or macro-economics. Theyʼre talking about schools, houses and work. And how do you balance work with that over-riding obsession - children? “Imagine trying to hold down a job with an employer who isnʼt understanding about the fact that you might have to disappear at a momentʼs notice...” As Cameron told his partyʼs followers in Bournemouth. If heʼd carried on talking, the Conservatives would have committed themselves to buggies that you can fold one-handed and free counselling services for parents shell-shocked by fourhour nursery rhyme tapes for long journeys. And all that green stuff. You never have time or energy to get inside a pub or a cinema any more, but instead you find yourself in parks, countryside tourist attractions and fake farms for toddlers. Youʼve found that the environment doesnʼt... er... grow on trees. Itʼs now an important place, the countryside. And because youʼre getting a bit older, itʼs more attractive, less noisy, more comfortable. You want your environment, like your pop music, a little more mellow. Wow, that tree looks really rugged and interesting. It could be a kind of symbol for... Get a bike, thatʼs a way of being green and keeping fit. Might get back into those jeans again. Mind you, a bikeʼs not much use for carrying stuff, so hang on to the cars too. Being 40 is about wanting to have it both ways. But being 40 is also about the first grey hairs of doubt. What is it all about? Whatʼs the story? What happened to that youthful younger self? Iʼve got the trainers, but do I still have hope? “In their 20s, full of idealism and vocation. By their 40s, far too many are demoralised. From idealism to demoralisation in half a career. How can we do this to people?” OK, Cameron was talking about some staff in the NHS, but think guy approaching 40 next week looking in mirror. Am I a success or already a failure? Cameron was born in the same autumn as Tony Adams and Roman Abramovich. Think how much theyʼve achieved by the age of 40. And why do I keep delivering speeches in tiny sentences? Like childrenʼs television. Not all bad. No point being gloomy. Only 40. Look at Morrissey. Maybe I could get a suit like his. “Let us be confident as we say, together, here today. The best is yet to come.” • Sean Coughlan, 9 October Oh my goodness, this could have been written for me, knocking on the door of 40 as I am, with a two-year-old daughter. Thanks very much by the way, I’ve got the Balamory tune in my head now, which is probably where it will stay for the rest of the day... Joanne, Leeds What’s the story in ... hang on, what were we talking about again? Chris, Stirlingshire Being 40 is so much better than almost being 40. Steve, Gosport www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 14 Best of the Magazine 2006 Heard the one about... Urban myth or terror warning? How David Blunkett took a tale of a rumoured attack straight to the top. It is a story that has dropped in to many an e-mail in-box or been passed on by word-of-mouth. And its distribution has picked up in these times of heightened security since the 11 September and 7 July attacks. The characters in the story and its location vary, but the plot stays mostly the same. It runs as follows: “My friendʼs Aunt Sally was in a queue and this Middle Eastern-looking bloke in front of her dropped his wallet. When she gave it back to him, he told her to avoid central London on Saturday because something big might happen. Tell as many people as you can.” Most people sigh, and delete the e-mail. But when this same tale crossed David Blunkettʼs path in late 2001, he passed it straight to the top. An entry in his newly-published diary, The Blunkett Tapes, reveals how he had spoken to an old school friend, who had heard the story involving the return of a wallet to an Arab man and a warning not to be in London on 11 November. “I immediately registered the significance of this,” Blunkett wrote at the time. “The 11th of November is Armistice Day, the one day in the year when all leading politicians from the three parties, the Queen, other members of the Royal family, and the leading personnel of the armed services are in the same place at the same time - a known time, in central London. “I decided that I should at least tell Tony Blair as it was absolutely clear that nobody had fully thought through the significance. “We agreed there was no way we could possibly cancel Armistice Day, but we were certainly going to have to take increased precautions.” Then later: “Sunday 11th of November: And weʼve come through Remembrance Sunday safely. All the worry was for nothing, thank God.” The basis for all that worry? An urban myth thatʼs been doing the rounds for decades in one form or another. When the troubles in Northern Ireland were at their height, the tipster was an Irishman. The location has moved around the UK - to Birmingham, Coventry, Reading. Abroad it has centred on different US cities. But it dates back at least as far as a myth surrounding the Hiroshima bombings, says Albert Jack, author of Thatʼs B*ll*cks: Urban Legends, Conspiracy Theories and Old Wivesʼ Tales. In that version Americans were apparently warned to get out of the city before the atomic bomb was dropped. Similar but also false myths followed the Twin Towers attack, that Muslim or Jewish workers had been warned to stay home, and was reported in New York on 12 September. The terror warning tale is similar in nature to the “missing kidney” and “long-dead hitchhiker” urban myths, says Mr Jack. The first involves a person who goes to a party with friends, only to wake up in a bath of ice minus their kidneys. The second a driver who gives a girl a lift home, only to discover when she disappears that she died years earlier in a car crash. “All these e-mails are the modern-day version of medieval folklore,” says Mr Jack. “Many people tell stories like this to make themselves more popular. If you stand in the pub and tell stories, a lot of them will make you laugh, and so people think it makes them popular.” Urban myths may arise from a snippet or a fact, or from what conspiracy theorists might like to believe. The origin is hard to pin-point once theyʼve started to spread and mutate. But it is when people in power hear and act on them that they gain credence. How to guard against falling for one? Mr Jack says: “I always say, ʻIf itʼs really true, show me the carcassʼ. These things are so often repeated, itʼs unimaginative to tell them, so show me the evidence.” • Claire Heald, 26 October Some myths are convincing. Secondly, had this been for real and he had not reacted, we wouldn’t be taking the mickey. Sometimes this kind of a response is actually a good thing. Dave, Bristol, UK Urban myths often start as ways to warn about very general principles; for example the message in the “missing kidney after party with strangers” story is that bad things can happen when people are trusting of people they don’t know. However, they can also be ways to spread prejudice about a certain group, for example the urban myth about there being no people of certain groups present at certain terrorist attacks. Stories like that, that falsely hint that everyone of a particular group would know about something that was going to happen, needlessly spread hatred and mistrust. Karl, London, UK Henry Porter wrote a book called Remembrance Day 6 years ago - the plot was an attack on the ceremony at the cenotaph. Especially after the various IRA atrocities on that day security would be at full alert anyway. Blunkett’s warning would make no difference. Peter, Nottingham All you need is ubuntu Bill Clinton told the Labour conference to get into ubuntu. Eh? Ubuntu. That was what Bill Clinton told the Labour party conference it needed to remember this week. “Society is important because of Ubuntu.” But what is it? Left-leaning sudoku? U2ʼs latest album? Fish-friendly sushi? No, itʼs a word describing an African worldview, which translates as “I am because you are,” and which means that individuals need other people to be fulfilled. The former president, husky-voiced and down-home with the delegates, gave it a folksy flavour, describing it in terms of needing to be around others to enjoy being ourselves. ubuntu , noun. Humanity or fellow feeling; kindness [Nguni]. Collins English Dictionary “ ” www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 15 Best of the Magazine 2006 “If we were the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most wealthy, the most powerful person - and then found all of a sudden that we were alone on the planet, it wouldnʼt amount to a hill of beans,” said Mr Clinton. The word comes from the Bantu languages spoken in southern Africa - and is related to a Zulu concept - “umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu” - which means that a person is only a person through their relationship to others. And itʼs entered the political lexicon through the political changes in South Africa. Archbishop Desmond Tutu, in his book No Future Without Forgiveness, says: “Ubuntu is very difficult to render into a Western language... It is to say, ʻMy humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in what is yours.ʼ” In his definition, it means that there is a common bond between people - and when one personʼs circumstances improve, everyone gains and if one person is tortured or oppressed, everyone is diminished. Mr Tutuʼs identification with ubuntu has given rise to the idea of “ubuntu theology” - where ethical responsibility comes with a shared identity. If someone is hungry, the ubuntu response is that weʼre all collectively responsible. There is a spiritual as well as practical dimension to this - with ubuntu reflecting the idea that weʼre part of a long chain of human experience, connecting us to previous and future generations. Ubuntu has also entered the language of development and fair trade - with campaigners using the word in aid projects for Africa in ways that suggest this will be an African solution for African problems. Ironically, says Rob Cunningham, Christian Aidʼs programme manager for South Africa, just as the word is taking off in Western society the values it embodies are in decline in the land of its origin. “In my conversations with partner organisations and the communities they work with, and among older people, thereʼs a deep sense of loss of ubuntu,” says Mr Cunningham. “To me, it means sitting down in a Zulu hut in KwaZulu-Natal sharing scarce food and a brew and a few stories.” There are ubuntu education funds, ubuntu tents at development conferences, ubuntu villages, an ubuntu university - and itʼs now the name of an open-source operating system. Expect to hear more from ubuntu in the future. • Sean Coughlan, 28 September each day and is more than the entire amount of bottled water drunk by Britons in a year. Where does it go? Water from leaking pipes will drain downwards to the water table, which is the top layer of saturation in the rock. It is then extracted again from the ground or taken from springs, which form where aquifers - water-laden rock layers - meet the surface of the ground. “The water isnʼt actually lost from the water cycle, it returns to the water table and will be drawn out again,” says Dr Mark Shepherd, of the independent environmental advisory company ADAS. “When water leaks what is lost is the investment the water companies have put into treating it. When it is drawn out again it will have to be treated again, costing the water companies - and so its customers - more money.” Although only about 2% of water supplied to the home is used for drinking and cooking, it all has to be supplied as “fit for drinking”. Put simply, the process to make it drinkable involves removing solids along with harmful chemicals and nutrients. The stages are: • Screening: leaves, twigs and any large debris are removed by screens • Clarification: mud and silt are removed using alum and lime • Filtration: the last tiny bits of grit and any remaining colour are removed using a sand filter • Disinfection: a small amount of the chemical chlorine is added to kill any remaining bacteria • PH correction: lime is added to make the water less acidic and less corrosive to metal pipes • The cost of cleaning water ranges from 42 pence to £1 per 1,000 litres, according to the Environment Agency. So the water that leaks daily through broken pipes has already cost between £1,512,000 and £3,600,000 to treat and will cost the same again after going through the water cycle and back to treatment plants. • Denise Winterman, 23 May The time of your life? Since its release in 1987, Dirty Dancing has become a slow-burning Hollywood classic for those who like their romance danced out. As it opens on London’s West End stage, with “record” advance ticket sales, what’s its enduring appeal? “No one puts Baby in the corner.” If that line doesnʼt get the hairs on the back of your neck standing on end then you may as well give up on life - youʼre dead inside. A little harsh maybe, but itʼs the opinion of one die-hard Dirty Dancing fan and probably echoed by millions the world over. For them, that infamous line is the climax of 97 minutes of pure celluloid gold and signals the start of what is widely considered the most goose bump-inducing dance scene in movie history. To those who do not know the film, it is often referred to as “the Star Wars for girls”. Just as a generation of men grew up quoting Jedi proverbs, their female equivalents were www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 16 What happens to water from leaking pipes? Parts of the UK are being told to save water but millions of litres are lost every day through broken and leaking pipes. What happens to it? Drought orders, hose pipe bans - water has become a big issue in the UK, especially for the estimated 13 million people hit by the restrictions. But more than 3.5 billion litres of water were lost daily through broken and leaking pipes in England and Wales last year, according to Ofwat. Thatʼs more than a fifth of the 15 billion litres supplied by the UK water system Best of the Magazine 2006 summoning the above “baby” line to their friends. That might help you get your head round how big a phenomenon it is. Set in 1963, the film centres around the plain-but-intelligent Frances “Baby” Houseman. She goes to the upmarket Kellermanʼs holiday camp with her family and falls in love with dance instructor Johnny Castle, who is older, brooding, misunderstood and from the wrong side of the tracks. He teaches her to dance, and inducts her in the physical aspect of romance; she teaches him that it is always worth fighting for what you believe in. Fair swap then. The movie cost just over £2.5m to make but took more than £90m worldwide. The cash registers didnʼt stop ringing there; it went on to become the first film ever to sell a million copies on video. It won critical acclaim, Golden Globes and the soundtrack topped the charts. Its Jennifer Warnes-Bill Medley theme tune, (Iʼve Had) The Time Of My Life, won an Oscar for best original song and has even been named the third most popular song currently played at funerals in the UK. The film made a star out of female lead Jennifer Grey and an A-list sex symbol of Patrick Swayze (currently treading the boards elsewhere in Londonʼs West End, in Guys and Dolls). “This film is the one that gets you hooked,” says Swayzeʼs international fan club. “The story of young love at its best. The music is great, the dancing is hot and Mr Swayze is amazing.” So much so that someone has even done a PhD on him. Nicola Daine, postgraduate research assistant at the University of Gloucestershire, focused her studies on his sex symbol status among female fans. The London stage production is reportedly the most successful pre-sold show in the history of London theatre. Cynics will note remarkable ticket sale stories often accompany new shows but, nevertheless, it has generated £11m in advance sales before even opening. So what is it about this low-budget chick flick that makes it so popular? “Heavens, where do I start?” says self-confessed Dirty Dancing fan Jane Sales. “It is a classic film about good winning the day. Baby gets accepted into the cool crowd, gets the popular guy, wins his respect and does it all by being herself. But ultimately it is about the transformative power of love. She is transformed from a girl into a woman by Johnny and she transforms him from a cynical, angry young man into someone who believes in justice. And if that closing dance scene doesnʼt get your pulse racing with excitement then youʼre dead inside.” DIRTY DANCING FACTS Released August 21, 1987 Filmed in Virginia, North Carolina Spawned TV-series spin-off Val Kilmer originally offered lead male role But the film is far from a masterpiece, itʼs cheesy and littered with cliches. What makes it so enduring is a plot driven by timeless narratives, say film experts. “It has that Pygmalion aspect to it - a younger woman being taught how to do something properly by an older man,” says Dr Rachel Moseley, senior lecturer in film and television studies at the University of Warwick. “There is also the narrative of achievement, which is very popular with young women especially achievement through dance. Just look at other 1980s classics, like Fame and Flashdance.” It even has crossover appeal among “new men”. “Iʼd love to dance like they do and watching two people dance like that is so sexy,” says Andy, a proud male Dirty Dancing fan. “There are some great tracks in there that you would never normally be exposed to on the radio today. My favourite is ʻLove is strangeʼ and I have learned all the words.” And what the film offers men has the potential to be just as emancipating as the achievement narrative is for women. “I think watching the film probably helps men understand women better and gives some tips into what romance is,” says Andy. “Women love talking about Dirty Dancing and like getting me to try and persuade their boyfriends to watch the movie with them. I think the men see me as a traitor to the sex.” The enduring narratives of the plot mean it will always resonate with people, which is why fans who first watched it in 1987 have shown it to their children and grandchildren. “My young daughter loves it,” says Ms Sales. “It was a special moment for me when we watched it together for the first time.” But it is Swayze, now 54, who summed it up perfectly in a recent interview. “This,” he said, “is the movie that will not die.” • Denise Winterman, 24 October I have to say as a girl, and I was 15 when it came out, the movie just didn’t really appeal to me at all, although my older sister loved it. Now I’m so much older, and wiser clearly, I enjoy the guilty pleasure of watching it alone and crying sentimentally at all the cliches, the routine on the tree trunk, the gasping ending, the works. And boy, could that man wiggle his hips... Lisa, Sunderland It was a load of rubbish then, and when I saw it on tv a month or so ago it was still a load of rubbish. John, Cardiff Don’t be such a grumpy old fart! if you’ve got nothing nice to say about the masterpiece that is Dirty Dancing (or DD to the more hardcore fans among us) don’t say anything at all... I think it’s a classic up there with likes of My Girl and Ghost. Lyndsay, Edinburgh The Devil’s Music The Devil is said to have the best tunes, but what do they sound like? A film about the history of heavy metal highlights the so-called Devil’s Interval, a musical phenomenon suppressed by the Church in the Middle Ages. On the surface there might appear to be no link between Black Sabbath, Wagnerʼs Gotterdammerung, West Side Story and the theme tune to the Simpsons. But all of them rely heavily on tritones, a musical interval that spans three whole tones, like the diminished fifth or augmented fourth. This interval, the gap between two notes played in succession or simultaneously, was branded Diabolus in Musica or the Devilʼs Interval by medieval musicians. www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 17 Best of the Magazine 2006 A rich mythology has grown up around it. Many believe that the Church wanted to eradicate the sounds from its music because it invoked sexual feelings, or that it was genuinely the work of the Devil. It is a mythology much beloved of long-haired guitar wizards. In the documentary Metal: A Headbangerʼs Journey, bassist Alex Webster of death metal act Cannibal Corpse pays tribute to the effect of the forbidden “Devilʼs note” on heavy metal. And rock producer Bob Ezrin pronounces: “It apparently was the sound used to call up the beast. There is something very sexual about the tritone. THE TRITONE IN MUSIC bandʼs guitarist, Tony Iommi. “When I started writing Sabbath stuff it was just something that sounded right. I didnʼt think I was going to make it Devil music,” Iommi says. He says he was aiming for “something that sounded really evil and very doomy” but admits he may have been unconsciously influenced by other music and was certainly not aiming to summon the Devil. “Beforehand [we were doing] jazzy blues. It certainly wasnʼt something I thought about - I didnʼt read music. I had no terms for anything. I like all sorts of classical stuff - various sorts of music, jazz, blues, to classical played a big part in my writing.” There are, however, plenty of bands who consciously use tritones, including the notorious metal act Slayer, who offered their tribute in an album simply entitled Diabolus in Musica. But Anthony Pryer, who runs a postgraduate course in historical musicology, believes heavy metal bands have got the wrong end of the stick “firmly with both hands”. “It was recognised to be a problem in music right back to the 9th Century. It is a natural consequence, and so they banned it. They had rules for getting around it. It was called Diabolus in Musica by two or three writers in the medieval or renaissance [period]. It was ʻfalse musicʼ, the intervals werenʼt natural. They may have thought it was devilishly hard to teach the singers not to sing it. I donʼt think they ever thought of it as the Devil dwelling in music. “Now the Devilʼs Interval has a natural home in many genres, particularly film music, jazz and blues, where, says Mr Pryer, it is “quite common because of its association with tension and sinister things. A lot of films have what musicians call Captain Tritone in them. As soon as there is a [baddie such as a] foreign officer out comes the Tritone. Itʼs a sort of badge - hereʼs Mr Nasty. Whatʼs going to happen?” Dissonance does provoke a strange feeling, Mr Pryer says, but it is nothing to do with Satan. “[Dissonance] is something that yearns to be resolved. A very good example would be the opening of West Side Story, Maria. It wants to resolve into the next note. It is a special kind of tension. It gives that angular, edgy, spooky feel. Film music is often extremely sophisticated at signalling to a listener here is a particular kind of character. It is a leitmotif, first used by Wagner.” Whatever the real story of the Devilʼs Interval, the romantic linkage between Lucifer and popular music will continue, and stretches back from heavy metal through the Rolling Stones to Robert Johnson and beyond. Mr Pryer cites Giuseppe Tartini, an 18th Century violin virtuoso who composed the Devilʼs Trill Sonata, a piece so complicated many modern players struggle to master it. “He did this incredibly difficult [piece] and claimed in a dream he had heard the devil giving him instructions how to do it. Two centuries later, he would probably have been in a heavy metal band.” • Finlo Rohrer, 28 April When I was having voice lessons I learned the augmented 4th by remembering “Maria” from West Side Story, so I am glad this was mentioned. Incidentally, West Side Story is also useful for other intervals, notably min.7th (“There’s A place for us...”). Lucy, Manchester www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 18 1. C 2. F# 3. The two notes, sounded simultaneously, “In the Middle Ages when people were ignorant and scared, when they heard something like that and felt that reaction in their body they thought ʻuh oh, here come the Devilʼ.” It all sounds a little like the plot of a far-fetched Da Vinci Code sequel. But Professor John Deathridge, King Edward professor of music at Kingʼs College London, says the tritone had been consistently linked to evil. “In medieval theology you have to have some way of presenting the devil. Or if someone in the Roman Catholic Church wanted to portray the crucifixion, it is sometimes used there.” But there were musical treatises and sets of rules produced that did come to forbid the use of the interval, which was seen as wrong when it came up in choruses of monks. “There are strict musical rules. You arenʼt allowed to use this particular dissonance. It simply wonʼt work technically, you are taught not to write that interval. But you can read into that a theological ban in the guise of a technical ban.” The Devilʼs Interval enjoyed great popularity among composers in the 19th Century, when “you have got lots of presentations of evil built around the tritone”. “It can sound very spooky. It depends on how you orchestrate. It is also quite exciting,” says Professor Deathridge. “[Wagnerʼs] Gotterdammerung has one of the most exciting scenes a ʻpaganʼ, evil scene, the drums and the timpani. It is absolutely terrifying, it is like a black mass. There is a big connection between heavy rock music and Wagner. They have cribbed quite a lot from 19th Century music.” A more modern advocate of the tritone is Black Sabbath - the rock outfit led by Ozzy Osbourne - particularly in their eponymous song, a milestone in the genesis of heavy metal. But this link between heavy metal and musical conjuring of the Devil in the Middle Ages comes as a bit of a surprise to the Best of the Magazine 2006 I’m glad Mr Pryer took care to point out that the interval has nothing to do with Satan, I was beginning to worry that watching the Simpsons may lead to visitor calling from the Underworld. Andy, Southampton, England Tritones don’t have to sound evil or demonic. When used in jazz they can sound very beautiful. For example the standard (and sometimes boring) II-V-I cadence G7 - C7 - F gets transformed into something wonderful if the C7 chord is replaced with a chord based on its Tritone - such as F#13. Ask any jazz pianist for an aural demonstration and you’ll see what I mean. Tony, London, UK The last gasp of cool ELO are the band we love, but hate to admit it, a ‘list’ suggests, while Top of the Pops became a victim of its unhip-ness. But when it comes to what’s in and what’s out, haven’t we gone beyond cool? Pity the poor trendsetter. Finding music used to need a bit of savvy and a lot of elbow grease: due attention to the appropriate radio shows and magazines, and a trip to a bigger town to find a shop with more than a few tapes. Now you canʼt move without being told about how many bazillions of members have signed up to community music sites; online bookshops will have more albums than any megastore can hold and sites like Last.FM even provide computers to eavesdrop on your listening habits and tell you what to try next. Which, you might have thought, doesnʼt leave a lot of room for the munificent tastemakers, mavens and with-it-ologists to helpfully guide us in making sure that our listening is stylistically correct. TOP FIVE GUILTY PLEASURES 1. ELO - Livinʼ Thing 2. Boston - More Than A Feeling 3. S Club 7 - Donʼt Stop Movinʼ 4. 10cc - Iʼm Not In Love 5. Gary Glitter - RockʼnʼRoll Part 2 Source: Q Magazine Well, you might have thought that, but youʼd be wrong. Newspapers and TV bulletins this week are falling over themselves to tell us about the list of “guilty pleasures” compiled by Q magazine: songs which we were previously told it was uncool to like, but which are now apparently acceptable. On the one hand, this is the archetypal silly season story: a concoction of list format, press release, water-cooler talking point and a large dose of fluff. But there may not even really be a talking point. The idea of “guilty pleasures” can be traced back to BBC local radio DJ Sean Rowley, who started a search for songs that people liked “in spite of themselves”. It catches the ears for a moment, and then you start to wonder: who on earth listens to music “in spite of themselves”? Look through the CDs of normal people. and youʼre unlikely to find Yes, All Saints and Hall & Oates hidden away in a corner of shame: these are multi-platinum artists, after all. And when the Today programme ran an article on “cheesy music” this week, you could hear four million listeners saying “...but I didnʼt even know that ELO were forbidden. Do you mean Iʼve been listening to them without the proper permissions?” Moreover, whoʼs doing the deciding? In the case of “Guilty Pleasures”, the edicts are coming from the punk generation. For the benefit of younger readers, in the 1970s, various fans and critics declared a “Year Zero”, pronouncing that music had gone stale. If you believe the tales of these elders, punk was necessary because every previous song of the 1970s had been a 14-minute epic about hobbits, performed in a tricky 11:8 time signature. Now those young punks have become the establishment, the previous diktats have been revised and suddenly “itʼs OK to love” Dire Straits. One set of rules has been replaced by another, and this is supposed to be a celebration of individual taste. The feature in Q isnʼt a poll; itʼs a list compiled by a magazine which has never exactly been cutting edge, and it contains some frankly bewildering entries. The Bangles? (If weʼre counting, the band was rated by Prince, a paragon of cool in anyoneʼs book.) And Cyndi Lauper? (The same goes here, double, with regard to Miles Davis.) Some acts appear to have made the “guilty” list solely because they had haircuts that were fashionable during their heyday. Other tracks are guilty of little more than being fun. It seems likely, though, that Meat Loaf, Cliff Richard and ELO are too busy counting their Himalayan heaps of cash to keep up with whether a few London scenesters have decided that theyʼre “cool” again. The last few years of Top Of The Pops saw the programme lambasted by more spokespeople for cool, decrying the show for being in grave danger of not being trendy enough: of not being “relevant”. The core of TOTP, though, was the songs which had built up the most cold hard sales since the previous edition. If British people bought cool records, they were in. Youʼd have to be frighteningly easily entertained to have liked every song on TOTP, but it did offer a central unarguable starting point. With even that gone, and with cultural commentators descending into incoherence, how is the music fan to pick a direction through the acres of back catalogue and hordes of new bands? Well, you could always try trusting your own ears. If a song is playing and its “cool rating” even crosses your mind, you should probably be listening a little less to pundits and a little more to actual music. • Alan Connor, 4 August *Yawn* pop cultural relativism is so 90s. Chewtoy, Amsterdam I think your ears must decide. I recently stumbled across an LP (Note to younger readers - an LP is a plastic disc that carries music and existed before the CD) of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. My wife and I cried with laughter at their version of “My Favourite Things” from the Sound of Music and had a thoroughly good time. Cool? No, not even in an ironic sense. Fun? Yes, lots and lots of fun! Now, what about guilty pleasure in films? I suggest Woody Allen “Radio Days” for undiluted pleasure. Lewis, Hitchin www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 19 Best of the Magazine 2006 Audrey Hepburn: Why the fuss? She’s again topped a ‘most beautiful’ poll. Yet many fans weren’t even born when she started making movies. What’s the enduring appeal of the original waif? Audrey Hepburn. Lovely, wasnʼt she? And her old-school glamour has beaten off modern day pin-ups - sheʼs been voted the most beautiful woman of all time in a magazine poll. But why is she so popular, among film fans and fashionistas alike? Today the Hepburn look has been around so long - and is so imitated - that itʼs easy to forget that when she starred in 1953ʼs Roman Holiday, she broke the mould of Hollywood leading lady in one deft swoop. With her elfin features, and being tall and slender to near-androgyny, Hepburn arrived at a time when to be a star meant curves, curves and more curves - “Jell-O on springs,” as Marilyn Monroeʼs character in Some Like it Hot was memorably described. That movieʼs director, Billy Wilder, was also in thrall to the willowy Hepburn, Monroeʼs polar opposite: “After so many drive-in waitresses becoming movie stars, there has been this real drought, when along come class; somebody who actually went to school, can spell, maybe even plays the piano.” The photographer Leo Fuchs, himself a Hollywood legend who spent 20 years shooting on-set photos of film icons of the 50s and 60s, says she was a true original. “Audrey was a singular person, there ainʼt many like her. ʻBeautiful womanʼ is very difficult to explain, but she certainly was beautiful. She was very enticing at all times. She was a talented actress, and very personable,” he told the Magazine from his home in France. Born in Brussels in 1929, Audrey Kathleen Hepburn-Ruston was the daughter of John Victor Hepburn-Ruston and Ella van Heemstra, a baroness. “She is one of us,” the Queen Mother is said to have told daughter Elizabeth after meeting her. Educated at boarding school in England in the 1930s, she spent World War II at the Arnhem Conservatory in the Netherlands. She then went on to study dance, hoping to follow in the footsteps of Margot Fonteyn. But at 5ft 7in, she was deemed too tall to be a prima ballerina (although she would be dwarfed by her successor as Americaʼs sweetheart, Julia Roberts, who says she is “too tall to be a girl” at 5ft 9in). Yet she never lost the poise and graceful movements of a dancer. By the age of 19, Hepburn was a chorus girl on the West End stage, and in 1951 she moved into film, playing roles such as “cigarette girl” and “hotel receptionist”. She was not to remain a bit player for long. Spotted by the French writer Colette, she was cast in the title role of Gigi on Broadway, a star turn which landed her the lead in 1954ʼs Roman Holiday. Her sparkling performance as a reluctant princess who falls for a commoner earned her an Oscar for Best Actress, her first of five such nominations. The definitive Hepburn role came in 1961 - good-time girl Holly Golightly in the Truman Capote scripted confection, Breakfast at Tiffanyʼs. Her line “how do I look?” was later sampled by the DJ Dimitri From Paris; Une Very Stylish Fille soundtracked many a mid1990s fashion show. My Fair Lady followed in 1964, in which the actress underwent the reverse transformation to Eliza Doolittle, from posh to not. By the late 60s, she had moved into darker, less glamorous fare, playing a blind woman in the thriller Wait Until Dark. After that her film work rate slowed; her last role was as an angel in Steven Spielbergʼs Always in 1989. She died four years later of colon cancer, aged 63. But Hepburn was far from idle, devoting her energies to humanitarian work. She became a Unicef goodwill ambassador in 1988. For she had first-hand experience of deprivation growing up in occupied Holland - her naturally slender frame was said to be the result of childhood malnutrition (although biographers also recount her anorexic tendencies). “Iʼve known Unicef a long time, ever since the Second World War when they came to the aid of thousands of children like myself, famished victims of five years of German occupation in Holland. We were reduced to near total poverty as is the developing world today,” she said. For the photographer Cecil Beaton, her look and her spirit embodied her times. “It took the rubble of Belgium, an English accent, and an American success to launch the striking personality that best exemplifies our new zeitgeist.” And the proof lay in her many imitators: “The woods are full of emaciated young ladies with rat-nibbled hair and moon-pale faces,” he wrote. And they still are. “My look is attainable,” she told the interviewer Barbara Walters in 1989. “Women can look like Audrey Hepburn by flipping out their hair, buying the large glasses and the little sleeveless dresses.” And then there are the flat ballet shoes, the nipped-in waist, the trench coat, the classic handbags with chain handles. Kate Moss has long taken note, and all are key looks on the High Street this year. Fashion experts say her longevity as a style icon is because she found what suited her - clean lines, simple yet bold accessories, minimalist palette - and stuck with it. Among the designers she worked with was Oliver Goldsmith, the British eyewear guru who also designed Michael Caineʼs iconic specs. “She was quite clear on what she liked and what she didnʼt,” says his granddaughter Claire Goldsmith, managing director of the company and a Hepburn fan. “Her look is timeless because itʼs simple; fuss goes out of fashion.” After a dormant two decades, the brand is now benefiting from the Hepburn effect, releasing replicas of its vintage designs alongside new models. Ms Goldsmithʼs enthusiasm for Hepburn is based in part on her grandfatherʼs recollections, but largely on repeated viewings of her films. “She didnʼt have arrogance; the most beautiful people are the ones who donʼt know it. She also had this wonderful humour about her, she didnʼt mind laughing at herself. That got her fantastic movie roles and people fell in love with the characters she played.” Can her appeal be distilled to just one characteristic? Goldsmithʼs answer is perhaps predictable for someone in her trade. “Itʼs those eyes, those big, brown, warm eyes. Women relate to her because she was unthreatening, and for men she had that innocence.” But her charm went beyond the purely physical. Those who met her agree that for that moment she treated them as if they were the only person in the world - a rare gift, and one shared by that master of charisma, Bill Clinton. www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 20 Best of the Magazine 2006 For Audrey Hepburn was a woman not to be sexy, but to fall in love with. • Megan Lane, 7 April Not only timelessly beautiful and elegant, but unaffected with a natural diffidence. Someone who actually did some real charity work, selflessly, and whilst very ill themselves. Quite possibly the nicest person who ever lived. John, Scarborough Certainly she knew how to laugh at herself, but she knew to keep her private life private and, by treating everyone she met with respect and courtesy, ensured that she in turn was given respect. In an age when actresses seem willing to do anything to get on screen and turn up at the opening of an envelope, Audrey’s dignity is sadly missed. Susan, Cambridge You’re talking about the woman I love. Stephen, Oswestry Aye to the telescope The Magazine’s search for Britain’s greatest unsung landmark resulted in Jodrell Bank winning the popular vote. What makes it a winner? It is a slice of science fiction in a green and pleasant land. Leaving sleepy Macclesfield and pottering down the winding country lanes of this affluent, footballer-sprinkled section of Cheshire, motorists suddenly catch a glimpse of something startling. Through the gaps in the hedgerows, you can see a landmark in the scientific history of Britain, the countryʼs largest radio telescope. UNSUNG LANDMARKS VOTE 29,093 votes were cast for the final 8 unsung landmarks Jodrell Bank received 21.03% of votes cast Second place went to Humber Bridge and third to the New Severn Bridge It is an eye on far-away galaxies, 365 nights a year, rotating as it tracks faint radio signals from stars that imploded millennia ago. Precisely 250ft across, Jodrell Bankʼs Lovell telescope weighs 3,200 tonnes and remains one of the most important in the world. About to celebrate its half-centenary, it is a monument to a more innocent age when faith in science and progress was perhaps more wholehearted than it is today. The iconic status of the site has seeped into the world of fiction. In the Hitchhikerʼs Guide to the Galaxy, Jodrell Bank fails to alert the population to the arrival of the Vogon fleet on a mission to demolish Earth. “Miles above the surface of the planet the huge yellow somethings began to fan out. At Jodrell Bank, someone decided it was time for a nice relaxing cup of tea,” Douglas Adams wrote. In Dr Who, Tom Baker fell to his “death” from a walkway at the telescope. And in the 1953 novel the Quatermass Experiment, the central character is said to be named Bernard after the founder of Jodrell Bank, Sir Bernard Lovell. For a television interview on anything from comets to lost space missions, the Lovell telescope is a popular backdrop. It says science and it says space. Megan Argo is one of the postgraduate students who mill around the site hoping to be behind the next big discovery. As a child in Macclesfield she watched the telescope with awe. Now, through it, she “watches galaxies crash into each other”. “As a scientific instrument it is a particularly photogenic one. When the light catches it at sunset it is fantastic. And it is Britainʼs contribution to the space race.” Sir Bernard brought his leg of the space race to leafy Cheshire after World War II. The physicist had worked on radar during the war and was fascinated by odd signals picked up by the equipment, which he believed might be echoes of cosmic rays. He started work at the University of Manchester buildings in the centre of the city, but was obstructed by interference from passing electric trams. He needed to get into the countryside and took up residence at Jodrell Bank, where the universityʼs botany department had a base. TELESCOPE TOPICS Jodrell Bank Observatory One of the telescope towers is home to a pair of peregrine falcons Telescope operates alone and also in tandem with sites across the country and globe Itʼs now being painted - three coats to the entire structure take 5,300 litres of paint Interference remains an issue. Mobile phones must be switched off on site, and the microwave in the common room resides in a Faraday cage to stop radiation escaping. Staff tell an apocryphal-sounding anecdote from the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence, when a promising signal turned out be a technician warming his lunch at the Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico. It is a warning to other telescopes. Conceived in the 1940s, and co-designed by engineer Sir Charles Husband, the main telescope at Jodrell Bank was completed in 1957. It soon impressed the astronomy community when it was the only facility in the West able to track the rocket carrying the Russiansʼ first satellite, the Sputnik, into space. www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 21 Best of the Magazine 2006 Perhaps its greatest moment came in 1979 when it was the first telescope to observe a gravitational lens, an effect where a “massive” object bends electromagnetic radiation such as light around it. This proved a key part of Einsteinʼs theory of relativity for the first time. Jodrell Bank, which remains part of Manchester University, spends much of its time looking for quasars and pulsars, large stars that have collapsed in on themselves and become hugely dense rotating neutron stars. Three years ago a team at Jodrell Bank found a double pulsar, a milestone in astronomy. The observatory has led the searches for lost probes, tracking the Mars Observer in 1993 and Beagle II 10 years later. But much of the significance of the work Jodrell Bank has done would be lost on the day-trippers who stand underneath the dish gazing skywards. “It is fantastic, very exciting, the very structure, the immense size of it,” says Tom Mitchell, from Tideswell, Derbyshire. The academics who run the site are equally enamoured of the Grade I-listed structure. “It does have rather a unique sort of beauty. The bowl itself is such a simple and elegant shape,” says Prof Andrew Lyne, director of the site. And the telescope was one of the first scientific sites in the world to truly engage with the general public. It is currently waiting for funding so it can build a new multimillion pound visitorsʼ centre. “The telescope became so famous that people just turned up to be close to it,” says Dr Tim OʼBrien, a senior lecturer in astrophysics. I often meet elderly people long since retired, who tell me it was the sight of Jodrell as a young boy that inspired them to a scientific career Sir Bernard Lovell If cod is so scarce, why can I still buy it? North Sea cod are in danger of dying out without a complete fishing ban, scientists say. So where does the cod on the fish counter or in the chippie come from? Cod has long been a firm favourite in the UK, whether served in batter with chips, nestled in a fish pie or given the full gastro treatment. Britons eat one-third of all the cod consumed in the world, and 85% of cod caught in European waters is destined for our plates. But our taste for cod has dangerously depleted stocks in the cold, deep waters around the UK. Tough fishing quotas were introduced in 2004, and campaigners have urged retailers to sell only cod from sustainable sources. So why, as scientists at the International Council for the Exploration of the Sea warn for the fifth year running that a complete fishing ban is the only way to revive North Sea stocks, is the fish still for sale? The majority of cod for sale on fish counters in supermarkets and in frozen meals is from sustainable sources such as Iceland or the Barents Sea, or from the Baltic, where over-fishing has not been such a problem, says WWFʼs fisheries policy officer, Tom Pickerell. “This means the consumer doesnʼt have to make a conscious decision to buy cod from sustainable stocks - they just do.” So who buys the small amount of cod still being legally fished in the North Sea? The 2006 quota is just 23,000 tonnes - a 70% reduction on the amount fished in the 1970s. “A bit goes to catering. A bit goes to fish and chip shops. A bit goes to frozen food firms. And a bit goes to local fish markets on the North Sea coast,” says Oliver Knowles, oceans campaigner at Greenpeace. All of which can be more anonymous about where their fish is sourced from, unlike the major supermarkets, most of which have begun to make a virtue of where their fish comes from. A year ago, Greenpeace published a league table of how the UKʼs leading supermarkets fared when it came to selling seafood from sustainable sources. Only two of the nine major chains - Marks and Spencer and Waitrose - had policies to do so, and so only sold line-caught cod from Iceland. Twelve months on, seven of the nine have made commitments to sell only sustainable seafood, including Morrisons and Asda, which last year languished at the bottom of the league table. Likewise, when eating out, the type of venue that will declare the green credentials of their cod - if it is on the menu at all - is the type of venue that goes in for seasonal and organic produce. And while there have been sightings of the occasional chippie that refuses to sell cod, provenance isnʼt much of a selling point in the deep-frying industry. Which is not to say that that fish supper includes cod from at-risk stocks. “A lot of it will now come from sustainable sources because itʼs a guaranteed supply,” says Mr Pickerell. But buying cod from where supplies are - for now - plentiful is not the answer. That simply shifts pressure around the globe. The Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations has warned that three-quarters of commercially valuable fish stocks around the world are over-exploited, and that 90% of species such as cod and swordfish have already been lost. www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 22 “ “The next generation of scientists and engineers need to be inspired . Somewhere between primary school age and 15 years old a lot of them lose their interest. It is an issue for the economic well-being of the country.” Prof Lyne adds: “We feel very strongly that we are supported by the general public. We are spending public money. We believe we have a duty to tell people what we are doing and give them something back.” In the shadow of the giant dish, children have been enjoying an “ask the astronomer” session. Most ask the easily answerable, but there is the odd googly thrown in like “why is Pluto not a planet?” and “is space curved?”. In the nearby village of Goostrey, Grahame Rothwell is walking his dog Bruce and admiring the dish from afar. “Throughout the seasons it looks a different thing, and considering it is engineered it is quite easy on the eye. In a grey sky with a low sun it is really quite beautiful.” But back at Jodrell Bank, six-year-old Joe Nesbitt has perhaps the most pithy appreciation of the scientific landmark he surveys. “I like space.” • Finlo Rohrer, 5 September ” Best of the Magazine 2006 Nor is it simply a matter of eating different types of fish. Environmental campaigners want a ban on beam-trawling, which drags heavy nets along the seabed - 70% of whatʼs caught is thrown back, dead or dying, and at-risk cod is also caught this way by fishing boats chasing haddock and whiting. “Weʼre strip-mining fish from the sea,” says Mr Knowles. “We need to look at where our fish comes from, and how it comes from the sea.” But that isnʼt to say we should stop eating fish, says Mr Pickerell. “You can eat fish three times a week - and if that means cod once a week, thatʼs fine. But try different species and only buy sustainably-caught fish.” • Megan Lane, 18 October PERTWEE: Keep looking and listening for traffic while you cross. (“K” appears as the children, who are now safely on other pavement, turn round and shout the completed word “Splink!”) PERTWEE, to camera: Well now weʼll all remember the Green Cross Code, and use it. Splink! Of course! How could we not all remember the Green Cross Code, after such a memorable and well-crafted aide memoire! In fact what people were more likely to remember was the last second of this film, when Pertwee shouts Splink. Itʼs a remarkable shot, not least for his outfit - but his expression is bizarre, presumably by design. It is very funny - or would be, if the subject wasnʼt so serious. The Green Cross Code was introduced in 1971, with “splink” as a supposedly handy mnemonic. But surprise, surprise, children found it too complicated. The Times of 10 July, 1974 (before this Pertwee film was released) reported that in a survey of 595 children aged between seven and 15, precisely none could remember the drill in full. Furthermore, only 18% of children chose the safest place to cross the road. The slogan was just too complicated to embed itself in childrenʼs minds. Thatʼs perhaps understandable - without looking, can you remember what the “I” stood for, let alone the “N”? Itʼs easy to understand why so much effort went into the campaigns, though. In the early 1970s, children accounted for half of all casualties on the road. Though a huge push was given to the launch of the Green Cross Code, resulting in an 11% drop in casualties, six months after the campaign had ended the rate was as high as before it had started. In 1975 there was some relief that the number of children killed on the roads had fallen to 505, a low since the 1950s. That trend has continued - in 2001 it had come down to 219 - a success which educational campaigns must take some credit for. But with a further 38,000 children still being injured on the roads in 2001, the work is far from done. • Giles Wilson, 13 February S.P.L.I.N.K. did work! I used it with my 21-year-old and my 12year-old and will also use it on my three pre-schoolers when the time comes. For me, as someone who couldn’t figure the right from left, so gave up without trying it was a huge improvement on, “Look right, look left, look right again” At least I stood a chance of getting S.P.L.I.N.K. right and was not confused before I started! Incidentally, if parents are not teaching road safety using S.P.L.I.N.K., what method is used nowadays? Suzie, Telford Nothing much has changed in the intervening 30 years. Road Safety messages put out by the Government were, and still are, incomprehensible. The improvement in child accident figures has nothing to do with “Road Safety” authorities and almost www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 23 Splink! Bless you In February, the Magazine staged a festival of public information films, to mark the 60th anniversary of the Office of National Statistics. The culmination of the festival was a vote to find the nation’s favourite film - the winner was Charley Says. One favourite of the Magazine, however, was Splink! Splink! is a real treasure. Itʼs got everything you could want from a public information film - a slogan, dated costumes, a bit of nostalgia - and itʼs also unintentionally amusing. Itʼs an attempt at improving road safety for children, and came a year after Dave Prowse (later Darth Vader) had first played the Green Cross Man. The film dates from 1976 and stars the late Jon Pertwee, then just two years after having left the role of Doctor Who. He is essentially playing the same part, though a curious uncle figure who is explaining the world to his young charges. Unfortunately the message of this film seems so complicated one almost needs the Tardisʼs translation software to understand what heʼs going on about. Where the Green Cross Manʼs approach was simple (“look and listen all the way across”), it must have been decided that children needed the rules of safe crossing spelling out for them more precisely. Which is where the problems start. (The scene: children are buying ice creams from a van. Three of them, cornets in hand, line up by the side of the pavement, as Pertweeʼs voiceover starts. As he spells out the code, the appropriate letter appears on a black section at the bottom of the screen.) JON PERTWEE: Hereʼs how to remember the Green Cross Code. First find a Safe place to stop. (The letter “S” appears on screen) PERTWEE: Stand on the Pavement near the kerb. (“P” appears) PERTWEE: Look all around for traffic, and listen. (“L” appears, as children look both ways) PERTWEE: If traffic is coming, then let it pass. (“I” for “if” appears) PERTWEE: When there is no traffic near, walk straight across the road. (“N” for “no”) Best of the Magazine 2006 entirely due to safer cars with better brakes and better road layouts. Keep the Government out of any decisions and things will improve. John Lowry, Kenilworth I’m surprised the survey you mention found such discouraging results. I was six at the time. What SPLINK stood for went straight over my head, I realise now, but I could recite the advert from memory, and discover today having seen the film again that I still can! Neil Sands, Chichester We love you [insert country name here] Patriotic World Cup adverts are all over the television. But how much do these global corporations really support any national team? Prepare for plenty of, er, own goals. Forget the football, thereʼs another World Cup in progress. Itʼs the battle between corporations to identify themselves with the beautiful game. And more particularly, the battle to be seen as the biggest fans of the national team. But how much do they really believe in their teams? What flag does a globalised corporation fly? The answer: everyoneʼs flag, but donʼt tell anyone else. “Picture the scene: Beckham flushed with pride, brimming with jubilation, raising aloft the coveted World Cup trophy to the roar of a euphoric crowd. Itʼs enough to make the hairs on the back of your neck shoot up. So letʼs believe England can go all the way and kick off the celebration right now.” You can feel the surge of emotion in this Hyundai current summer promotion. In fact, the car firm is so keen on believing “England can go all the way” that itʼs sponsoring the Australia and South Korean teams too. There are plenty more moments of confused identity in the corporate boxes. Because a few World Cups ago, you could put up a poster in one country confident that few people would see it anywhere else. Now the internet means we can peer over the garden wall and see what these global corporations are telling different people in different places. For instance, thereʼs a huge new poster in Londonʼs West End from Mastercard, promising that the World Cup final is going to be another St Georgeʼs Day, complete with St Georgeʼs cross, lance and football - and the punchline “Priceless”. But hold on, what are the Mastercard customers going to shout? “La hinchida grita AR-GEN-TINA!!!” which translates as “the fan shouts Ar-gen-tina!!!”. Or at least thatʼs what Mastercard says in Argentina. Except if youʼre a fan in Australia, where Mastercard - cue emotional and sincere voice - is all about “chanting yourself hoarse at every Australian game: priceless”. The brand-boosting power of the World Cup has seen Mars bars re-coated as “Believe” in the UK, with television adverts selling the chocolate as the patriotic choice for England footie fans. Never have so many flags been waved to sell confectionery. With such bloke-next-door passion on display, surely the US-owned Mars company couldnʼt be waving anyone elseʼs colours? Well, different market, different message. Mars also owns M&Ms, which are sold as a patriotic American choice. And to add to the multinational confusion, Uncle Benʼs rice is running a World Cup promotion in Germany with the slogan “Unsere Mannschaft fur den Sieg” (Our team for victory). The connection? Uncle Ben is another brand from Mars, I believe. Can you play for both sides, even if your slogan is “One love”? Sports firm Umbro has filled its website shop window with images of the England team - except when England comes to play Sweden in the group stages, whatʼs the name of the Swedish official sponsor? Umbro. Even stranger, if you click on the Pepsi sponsor link on the England home page, you get re-directed to an online gambling website. But thereʼs no doubting the heartfelt commitment of credit card giant MBNA. “Show you support England every day by applying for and using the Official England Football Credit Card.” Although, letʼs not be hasty. How about MBNAʼs alternative offer: “Say it every time you use your card - I AM CANADIAN!” And thatʼs only the tip of the corporate iceberg. Among the sponsors and partners there are more multiple relationships than a polygamistsʼ World Cup cook-out. Puma is partners with Italy, Ghana, the Czech Republic and Paraguay; Nike with Holland, Mexico, the United States, South Korea and Croatia; Coca Cola is partners with Germany, Portugal, South Korea and Mexico and Adidas is sponsoring Spain and Germany. Itʼs beginning to sound about as sincere as those photocopied Christmas round robin letters - “This year, weʼve been thinking about how much we miss you all, but couldnʼt be bothered to write you an individual card...” But maybe itʼs a case of globalisation catching up with the local worlds of football - and the meaningless babble of management-speak being applied to sport. Graham Hales, executive director of the international brand consultancy, Interbrand, says the World Cup is a “deeply significant” event for promoting brands - with the unpredictability of the outcome making it an even bigger gamble. Itʼs a particularly important opportunity for global brands to “lay down local roots”, he says - giving anonymous organisations a more familiar face. And he says that the public has become comfortable with such multi-nationals presenting contrasting messages around the world. Rather than showing corporate fickleness, he says that global brands operating in different parts of the world can look “statesmanlike” and above local differences. Malcolm Clarke, chair of the Football Supporters Federation, is less impressed, saying that some of these corporations “discover football for a few weeks every four years” and that irritates the regular fans. He enjoys the flags being waved, he says, but it still sticks in the throat that when it comes to the World Cup that the corporate sponsors get so many tickets to the matches and so few go to ordinary fans. “Football fans are not so naive that they donʼt realise that these firms are in it for the money.” • Sean Coughlan, 6 June www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 24 Best of the Magazine 2006 Is the new Superman meant to be Jesus? If the Superman Returns movie reminds you of the Bible, does that make it blasphemy? Well hereʼs the story. An all-powerful father sends his son to Earth to save mankind by showing them the “light”. The son is able to perform miracles. He “dies” and is born again. Sound familiar? It might do, itʼs the plot of the new movie Superman Returns. And in the blogs and internet forums there has been a maelstrom of debate on the parallels between Superman and Jesus Christ. Superman has a long history of Judaeo-Christian symbols, but this time the filmʼs makers have taken it to a new level. CHRISTIAN ECHOES? Stabbed in side with Kryptonite - like Jesus stabbed with spear Empty hospital room - empty tomb of Jesus Falls to Earth, arms outstretched - Crucifixion-like Cradled in motherʼs arms - like Michelangeloʼs Pieta Superman says world needs saviour Supermanʼs five years in space echoes the Ascension Shown with weight of world/sin on shoulders At one point Superman falls towards the Earth in a pose that vaguely echoes the Crucifixion. He is stabbed in his side with Kryptonite in an echo of the stabbing of Jesus by a Roman soldier. A female nurse rushes into the hospital room to find it empty just as Jesusʼ tomb was found to be empty by female followers. And there are Christians in the US who believe that the symbolism is now sufficiently obvious that the film can be incorporated into religious teaching. Stephen Skelton is the author of the Gospel According to the Worldʼs Greatest Superhero and has prepared guidance for pastors wanting to use Superman Returns in their sermons. “You would have to be blind to miss what they are doing in terms of the Christ imagery,” says Mr Skelton, a Christian with a background in showbusiness, “there is a big foot in the door”. American churches have not generally been well-disposed towards Hollywood, with its laissez-faire attitude towards sex and violence. But the West Coast Babylon has recently offered two films which have been manna to churches, The Passion of the Christ, and the Chronicles of Narnia. One or two voices have said how can we see Superman as a Christ figure when he is fooling around with Lois Lane when she is committed to another person - that simply comes from pushing the parallel too far Stephen Skelton, Christian author “ “That is a modern idea that we are somehow dumbing down the Gospels. This has a huge biblical precedent. In Acts 17:28 Paul quotes from a hymn to Zeus. He is using a pagan deity... the least we can do is take a second glance at Superman.” As well as the imagery, there is plenty in the dialogue. Superman refers to himself as a saviour, while baddie Lex Luthor talks about the man with his pants on the outside as a God. The film borrows Supermanʼs fatherʼs speech from the first movie and gives it a prominent place, with Marlon Brando intoning: “They [mankind] only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you, my only son.” But as far as the imagery goes, what is “blatant” for those with a background in Christianity, comics, art or criticism, may be a little more opaque for the average cinemagoer. You wrote that the world doesnʼt need a saviour, but every day I hear people crying for one Superman to Lois Lane “ Some more traditional churchgoers may be under-whelmed by the use of movies to sell the Gospels, but Mr Skelton is unrepentant. ” Mr Skelton says director Bryan Singer told him the scene where Supermanʼs adoptive mother cradles him in her arms at the start of the film is a deliberate echo of images from the Renaissance of the Virgin Mary and the dying Christ such as Michelangeloʼs Pieta. But it is easy to find oneself wondering whether there isnʼt a note of blasphemy in the film. If Superman is so clearly meant to be Jesus, why is he making goo-goo eyes at Lois Lane, who has found a long-term partner in the heroʼs five-year absence from the planet. “One or two voices have said something - how can we see Superman as a Christ figure when he is fooling around with Lois Lane when she is committed to another person. That simply comes from pushing the parallel too far,” Mr Skelton explains. And Mervyn Roberts, a broadcaster and Anglican vicar, says although he has not seen the movie it is unlikely to be blasphemous or be difficult for a Church that has largely shrugged off the Da Vinci Code. “The truth of the Gospel will come through. Superman is very much a kind of iconic image of the saviour figure that is seen throughout history. “So the Superman movie, unless it specifically makes references to Jesus Christ in a negative sense, a direct insult to the person of Christ, identified an insult against God, it is just putting through that image.” But there are going to be plenty of Christians who do not find their hearts warmed by the use of religious imagery in a blockbuster. Superman hardly comes to Earth with an amazing message, and Jesusʼs purpose was not preventing man-made earthquakes. Giles Fraser, parish vicar at Putney in London, says it was one thing to use the film to draw children into the Church by glossing over the “incredibly gritty” nature of the Gospels, but quite another to do it with adults. “Using it as evangelism for adults is completely ridiculous. It is making Christianity into this rather wholesome nicely, nicely affirmation of American values, the morphing of Jesus www.bbc.co.uk/magazine Page 25 ” Best of the Magazine 2006 into the American hero.” The black and white image of good and evil was not compatible with orthodox Christianity, Mr Fraser says. And for all the Christian symbolism, it might be the case that there is no one religion that can lay claim to the Man of Steel. Rabbi Simcha Weinstein has written a work, Up, Up and Oy Vey about the massive Jewish influence on the comic book industry particularly in its early years. Many have noted that as well as being created by two Jewish authors, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, Superman and his fatherʼs Kryptonian names both end in the Hebrew name for God, Kal-El and Jor-El, and that Supermanʼs departure from Krypton can be taken as an echo of the story of Mosesʼ childhood. The Nazis went out of their way to condemn Superman, with Goebbels writing a polemic in April 1940 in Das Schwarze Korps, an SS newspaper. And even the Buddhists are getting in on the act. An article on the Buddhist Channel compares Superman to a Bodhisattva, “a great being who aspires to unconditionally help all beings be free from any suffering”. Danny Fingeroth, author of Clark Kent in Disguise: Jews, Comics and the Creation of the Superhero, says there is a certain inevitability to the reading of religious references into superheroes. “While they have loaded the Superman movie with Christian imagery and dialogue it is still at the discretion of the viewer to see it that way,” he says. “There is religious imagery because of the very nature of the superhero mythology - somebody with great powers who uses them to do the right thing. One of the appealing things is that while they may remind us of certain religious figures or ideas the fact that they are not of any one religion is what has allowed them to be embraced around the world. “And if you like Superman rather than Batman it is unlikely you will get into an argument with someone and end up dead.” • Finlo Rohrer, 28 July The Magazine team is Sean Coughlan, Jonathan Duffy, Claire Heald, Megan Lane, Finlo Rohrer, Giles Wilson, Denise Winterman. 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